Hiding My Masked Affection

spockjasperzukowriting

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Follow me on tumblr for Avatar related things, as well as related to this fanfic and others:

spockjasperlokizukowriting . tumblr . com

2

While everyone else who was not a hand on the ship leaned over the railing, turning every shade of green, Sokka and I, the only people on board wearing Water Tribe blue, stomached the turbulent waters and the salty air.

I clutched the cerulean scarf around my neck and settled into the warmth, squeezing the feeling and scent of home between my fingers. Sokka, shivering in his coat, stared at the people wavering with each step. Crouched on the ship's main deck we huddled together, wide-eyed and frightened, rocking with every smooth motion from each wave. The wind tugged on the stray strands of hair that escaped the bun it had been folded into, the loops swaying. The metal deck groaned and leached the heat from our bodies, plumes of ash towering towards the sky, raining down with cinders that stained our modest blue colours.

Sokka pressed his knees against his chest, eyes desolate. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

"But especially now."

"Rations will go out in a few minutes—be patient."

He grumbled quietly to himself, wiping dust from his dark pants. I inhaled, coughing and nearly choking on the smoke in the air. My eyes watered from the stench of sulfur and I rested my head on Sokka's shoulder.

"Sokka?"

"Mmm."

"What do you think she'll be like?" I asked, expecting a reaction but he remained still.

"Dunno. Haven't thought about it, really."

My stomach churned, hugging my arms to my chest. "Oh."

"We can't blame him, though. Surely we can't. I mean, he had to deal with mom too, right?"

"Right."

"And, it's not like we couldn't've seen this coming in the long run. He had to settle down sometime."

"And he did."

"He did," Sokka agreed curtly, leaning his chin on his knees.

"It's just for the summer," I assured, more to myself than he.

"Yeah. Then autumn in the South Pole. Then back again for the winter, and that time we'll bring Gran Gran. And she'll be happy, because she hasn't been to a place like the Fire Nation before."

"It'll be warmer than the South Pole. We wouldn't have to worry about hunting any more."

"Yeah—no more hunting. No more ice, no more snow-storms, just a land of heat and summer and ash. No more ocean. No more Southern Lights." The thought seemed to rattle him and he trembled.

"We'll get to see fireworks," I encouraged, dreaming of the explosions of light and colour.

Sokka didn't move.

The thought crossed my mind and I breathed, "Maybe we'll see Aang."

The idea seemed more preposturous said-aloud than thought. Sokka let the words hang in the air for a moment before wearily sighing, "No. Don't count on that."

"But just imagine the thought. The Avatar. And perhaps he'll remember us."

"The Avatar. Remember the two Water Tribe peasants who let him go," Sokka chuckled bitterly.

"No, Sokka, it's not at all like that," I said, shaking my head, still leaning into his back. "We couldn't have done anything. Appa had flown off before we could find him and the ship was too fast for us. Besides, Aang had other help. He's the Avatar. And who are we? Two Water Tribe peasants."

Sokka inhaled, frowning. I continued, "Say that we do meet Aang in the Fire Nation, and he's there because of some diplomatic mission, and dad is there too because he's an official person with responsibilities in the Fire Nation government. We'd meet Aang, and he'd greet us by name. What would you say to him?"

Sokka paused, thinking for a moment, before he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck sorely. "Hello. Thanks for saving the world. Happy fifteenth birthday. How've you been?" Sokka wrinkled his nose, glancing down towards me. "You?"

I let myself imagine the impossibility of the scenario and smiled. "I don't know. I don't think I could say anything. I'd be too busy admiring how tall he's become."

"Tall?"

"Yeah, tall. I heard some emissaries several weeks ago talking about how when they saw him, the first thing they noticed that he's nowhere near as short as people rumoured him to be," I explained blinkingly. "And how he's become a nice young man. No longer a child."

I opened my eyes and inhaled. "Why wouldn't he remember us? We freed him from that ice-berg. And he's not completely clueless- he'd at least recognize our faces."

"Katara, that was three years ago," Sokka mumbled, exasperated. "He only knew us for about a day. Then that Fire Nation kid came and took him away. You know, the boy with the ugly scar."

Sokka groaned. "Don't even remember that Fire Nation kid's name."

"I don't think he said it," I recalled with a frown.

Sokka stretched, yawning and rubbing his eyes. The livid shades of red from the setting sun stained the sky. He turned to me, blinking blearily. "I miss Gran-Gran."

I nodded, tightening the scarf around my neck and pulling my parka further down my shoulders. The air was turning cold, even this far north from the South Pole. The ship rocked gently again on the waves. "We shouldn't be afraid of the Fire Nation any more," I attempted, but my eyes watered. I knew that wasn't true. I was terrified.

Sokka bit his lip, slipping his gloved hand into his knapsack and filching a brochure, one with a detailed explanation of the palace city, something we had picked up while waiting for transit to the Fire Nation in the Southern Earth Kingdom city of Gwon Hai. "Look, that's where we'll be staying," Sokka began, pointing to the estate circled in red. "It's a half a league from the main palace, where we'll be invited to regularly, depending on how active Hakoda—,"

"—dad," I interrupted.

"...dad..." he corrected, "is. He'll meet us down there, at the Southern Docks." He traced the pathway to the volcanic crater with his finger.

My throat stung. "How could he..." I mused, clenching handfuls of my coat in tight fists.

Sokka stared at me. "What?"

"How could dad...do this... Remarry like this. How could he do this to us? How could he do this to mom?"

"Katara..."

"There's no excuse for it," I growled, eyes watering.

"Look, I hate it as much as you do," Sokka promised, voice uncertain. "But that was dad's decision, not ours. Remember, we have nothing to fear from the Fire Nation any more. Every peace treaty says that they're our allies, and..."

I gazed up at him.

Sokka sighed, holding a hand over his mouth as if the thought troubled him. His fingers fell before his words, "...I still trust dad's judgement."

He took a deep breath. "Look, let's focus on the things that we do know right now. For instance, we know that we'll be seeing dad for the first time in years."

I nodded, breath hitching but I believed him. "Yeah, yeah, okay."

"And we know that in the letter he gave us, he was being sincere."

"Sokka—,"

"He was," Sokka forced between gritted teeth. "He wants to be with us. That's three. Fourth, he wants to start over. He wants us to have a mother. He wants...to somehow convince himself that life isn't so bad when you find someone."

His expression softened, heaving a sigh as he stared at the floor, shoulders curled inwards. "Though that part will never make sense no matter how coherently phrased. We can still hate him for something we don't understand. We just need to give it a chance right now." His voice quavered.

I lowered my gaze, sinking into his back. "Okay."

Sokka nodded, stuffing his hands in his parka's pockets, expression apologetic.

The people around us started to release themselves from the railings and settle down, waiting for the helmsman to come out and give us our dinner. I dug through my knapsack and pulled out our sleeping bags, laying them out and giving Sokka his pillow. He helped me set up our portion of the deck into a small bedroom area, using what we were given with efficiency, just like how we were taught back home. Eventually, men bearing sacks bulging with rations of food came out onto the deck and started distributing their sack's contents to the gatherings of families.

When we got ours, Sokka hungrily dug into his loaf of bread with a bottle of soup. I just chewed my seal jerky patiently, my mind set of saving the rest for later.

I stared off into the horizon, watching the sun disappear beneath the black waters. The light sky faded into a star-lit black, and soon everyone was whispering quietly amongst themselves by the light of a lantern, and Sokka was curled up in his sleeping bag, snoring loudly.

I sighed, told Sokka good-night (only to be answered by a belch), and cleaned up after ourselves, making sure that the only things not packed up were our pillows and sleeping bags. I leaned back and gazed at the stars.

I shut my eyes, letting the calm motions of the water relax me.

"Land ho!" cried a helmsman from atop a tower, and everyone diverted their immediate attention to the direction he pointed. A small slice of green stretched across the blue waters in the distance.

I smiled, pulling a stray strand of hair out of my vision and squeezed Sokka's arm. He looked at me and grinned, leaning down and resting his elbows on the railing. Small children were hoisted up by their parents as they pointed eagerly, the distant shapes of buildings and trees growing more defined.

"We finally made it..." I breathed, my heart fluttering.

"It looks...like land," Sokka managed. I frowned through my smile and pulled our bags closer, the wind dancing with my loose scarf, nearly pulling it from my neck.

The ship continued at its painfully slow rate. I passed the time wringing my hands, stomach twisting uncomfortably. Sokka raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry," I said, forcing my hands into my pockets.

Sokka sighed, gazing out to the trees bursting with pink blossoms and the lush green grasses of spring running along the shoreline like a jet of colour. Gulls cried over our heads as land neared. The sandy beaches became clearer with the passing moments, and soon we could see the busy harbour at the base of the city under the tall, stretching black mountain. Details became clearer as we approached; the houses were topped with red brick, with red fabric serving as curtains for the wide, square windows. The civilians were decked in all shades of red, pink, and yellow. Vendors sold foods and souvenirs at their stalls, shouting lists of items I hadn't even heard of before.

I suddenly turned to Sokka, eyes wide. "Promise me we'll give her a chance."

He looked stunned. "I promise."

"And you won't let me do anything stupid."

"I promise, Katara, calm down," he said, timidly giving my arm a squeeze. "We'll be fine."

I hid my face in the shade of a hand, leaning back with an arm crossed over my stomach. "Sorry, sorry, just give me a moment."

"Prepare for docking!" shouted a sailor, herding us away from the railings and onto the centre of the deck.

Sokka looked at me with flickering eyes. "Moment's up." I held onto my bags as he led me by hand to the masses of people, standing amongst the shades of red and green.

The ship approached a dock protruding from the market place, lurching to a sudden halt as it made contact with an automatic anchor. We all took a moment to steady our footing to the sudden lack of motion and the ship-hands opened a gangway down to the metal landing platform. We rushed single-file from the ship, soldiers boarding the deck and marking us off from the passengers list.

"Come on, dad should be waiting for us," I urged, picking up three of our bags and towing Sokka behind me.

I readily searched the crowd for a familiar strong, defined face. Gran-Gran had told me to look for an older version of Sokka, an able-bodied man with high-slanted cheeks and blue eyes.

People bustled busily around us, bumping into Sokka and I more than once. Sokka grabbed a hold of my hand, using his height to an advantage as he scanned above the heads of the crowd for our father. So many colours mixed together into one big mesh, overwhelming me with a wide array of reds, greens, yellows, and browns. I couldn't keep track of them all at once; every face looked the same. An indistinguishable mesh of voices thrummed in my ears, almost drowning out Sokka.

"Katara, follow me!" he whispered in my ear, and carefully navigated us between bodies until we could finally breathe in an open space by stacked bushels of rope.

I dropped the bag in my hand on the wooden planks and leaned on the rope, sighing with relief that I wasn't being meshed into the crowd, becoming just another person in a confusing chaos.

"That was hell," Sokka grunted, wiping off dust from his shirt.

"You shouldn't use that word," I muttered, crossing my arms and squinting through the mass of people. Dad had to be here. We had arrived on time.

"I don't see him," I said, surprised.

Sokka watched the crowd with wide-eyes, concerned.

I fished out the schedule from my personal bag and traced my finger down the table of times and dates. I found our ships name, the Jing-Mei, and reread the information twice.

"We were on schedule..." I stated slowly, and Sokka just looked angrier. "We probably missed him."

Sokka moved towards the group of soldiers standing by the station of rickshaws. "I'll ask for help."

I grabbed his arm, "No, wait." He halted, blue eyes penetrating. "Just give it a few moments. We've only just arrived."

He nodded, cupping his hands over his mouth. "Hakoda!"

I waited a beat, but there was no response. "Hakoda!" he called louder.

A breeze swept through the courtyard of people, carrying cherry blossoms that floated on the wind, but our father remained amiss. My heart sank.

Sokka inhaled, gazing at me quietly. "Katara, if he's not here, he's not here," he stated. "We ask for help now."

"Katara! Sokka!"

A chill ran down my spine and I glanced over my shoulder, only seeing the crowds of people pushing on the cobble-stone street. I checked my brother, who stared wide-eyed into the congregrations, frozen still.

"Sokka?"

He raised his hand and pointed at a tall, slender boy sprinting to us, wearing pale orange and salmon pink robs, neck laden with a ceremonial necklace while a blue arrow ran down his bald head, innocent smile wide while he grey eyes flickered. He quickly slowed his pace, halting and grinning, setting out his staff while he rolled his broadened shoulders back, chest heaving up and down in excited breaths.

Sokka and I looked between ourselves and the boy, both of us in shock.

"...Aang?" Sokka gasped, letting go of my hand and stepping forward, inspecting Aang as if he was a mirage. "What are you doing here?"

My mouth felt dry and my heart skipped a beat, a pressure expanding in my chest.

"I'm picking you up," Aang surmised, eyes twinkling as he gazed kindly at me.

Sokka raised an eyebrow. "Wha...why?"

"Hakoda and Suiya are back at the house, preparing a surprise for you," he shrugged, relaxing his staff at his side.

I blinked. "Aang...I..."

He watched me expectantly. "Aang, I can't believe it. It's you... You're here."

Aang smiled. "Welcome to the Fire Nation, Katara."