A/N Follower Appreciation Prompt: letter found in an old notebook au, requested on tumblr by villains-happy-ending.

Wow. I can't believe I returned to this verse. This story has been getting so much love lately, that I felt inpired to return to it. So much so that when I took a look at my follower prompts and I read this one, this idea formed and would not leave me. This one gets a little angsty, but that should not be surprising.

Also, it has no been beta'ed so all mistakes are mine.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

Sometimes It Hurts- Epilogue Two

Pretty Damn Great

Five Years Later.

Waving her hand through the air, Emma attempted to keep from breathing in the dust that had dispersed in the air after she'd opened the box. Killian had taken their now five year old son, Liam, with him to the grocery and Harper, their one year old daughter, was in her room napping.

A grin formed as she thought about her children. Being a mother was everything she could have ever hoped for. Especially after thinking she would never have the chance to be one. Adopting Liam, and later Harper, had filled the hole in her heart that she hadn't realized she still had and she could not be prouder of her two little ones.

Liam had grown into a carbon copy of Killian, so much so that it was not uncommon for her to come home and find Killian with Liam in his lap as he showed him how to play the guitar. He'd started kindergarten this past August and she would be lying if she said she didn't cry when she'd dropped him off at Storybrooke Elementary.

Then there was Harper. There was no doubt in their minds that they wanted to adopt another child, but it was a matter of timing. Killian had wanted to adopt again almost the moment Liam had started walking. He'd missed having a tiny baby in the house. She had wanted to wait, too nervous about whether or not she could be a good mother to two children.

When Liam had turned three, she knew she was ready. They had found Harper almost six months later and when she was born, she came right home with them. Now, here they were a year later and their little blonde haired, blue eyed princess was everything they could have ever wanted. Even Liam had taken to his role as big brother flawlessly.

Remembering the task at hand, Emma frowned as she looked into the box she'd just opened. The box that definitely did not contain what she was looking for. She'd come up to the attic with the intention of locating the Christmas tree. Thanksgiving was in two days and she really wanted to have the tree up the next day, so it was time to locate it in their attic. The only problem was that Killian was the one to pack it away last year, so she had no idea where the box was. And, of course, Killian had not labeled the damned thing.

Sighing in frustration, she ran her fingers through her long locks. She reached down to pick up the lid and place it back on the box when the paper on top caught her eye. Suddenly, she knew exactly what was in that box. Falling to her knees, she picked up the article with trembling hands.

SINGLE AT LAST: KILLIAN JONES, LEAD SINGER OF THE DASHING RAPSCALLIONS AND PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, SPLITS FROM WIFE.

She felt her eyes tear up as they filtered across the headline of US Weekly. Her fingers traced each one of the letters slowly. It wasn't often she allowed herself to think about that period of her life, about how she'd almost lost Killian and her happy ending, but when the words were right in front of her face it was hard to not go back there.

Her eyes closed as the memories came to the forefront of her mind. She remembered the look on Killian's face as she walked out on him that day, how it felt to watch him on the television with Tink hanging on his arm, hell she even remembered what he looked like that day at David and Mary Margaret's cook out. Every voicemail, every look, every touch was etched in her brain.

Taking a deep breath, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Why was she even crying? It had been nine years. She was over it. Killian was here and she had Liam and Harper. It was just… That had honestly been the lowest point in her life, for so many reasons, and it still hurt to think about it. It still hurt that she had been so close to losing it all, to losing herself.

Dropping the article to the floor, she fanned herself in an attempt to calm down. Killian would be home soon and the last thing she wanted was for him to come home and see her like this. He eyes drifted back to the box. On top was a paper she had never seen before, a paper full of Killian's flowing handwriting. Reaching out, she picked the paper up and gasped as she scanned the page. It was a letter from Killian to her.

In all honesty, I've no bloody clue why I am writing this. It is not as if I will ever send it and you've made it quite clear that you've no intention to speak to me again. Perhaps it is the songwriter in me that needs to get this down to process the events of the last several months and try to understand them in someway or maybe, since I've no one else to speak to, this is the best way for me to simply move on…

But that is the entire issue, my love. I can never move on from you. There will never be another for me, Emma. If this divorce goes through, if you truly sever your ties with me, I will spend the rest of my days alone. I've no desire to meet another. Why would I, when you are the only one for me? That is how it has always been and how it always will be.

I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you that day on campus. Helping you find that damned building was the best thing that ever happened to me because it lead me to you, to my true love.

Emma paused, eyes focusing on the walls as she blinked back tears. She'd never known he'd written this, let alone saved it. It felt as though there was a heavy weight on her chest. She could feel the pain radiating from his words, the helplessness, and the desire to understand. She bit her bottom lip as her eyes returned to the letter.

Why did you leave me, Emma love? What could I have done to you that was so great that you decided to never see me again, to never even speak to me? I promise you, if you just tell me I will fix it no matter the cost. If you asked me for the moon, I would find a way to give it to you.

Do you remember that first night in our house? It was just the two of us, bodies wrapped around each other in the sleeping bag because we had no furniture. I remember the way you smiled, the way you laughed as I kissed my way down your neck. We were so in love with each other, with life. I would give anything to go back there, to go back to when I was confident in your love for me.

I can't even sleep in our bedroom anymore. Our bed is too big, too empty, without you next to me. Is this how I am going to feel for the rest of my life? Like a part of me is missing, like I am incomplete in some way.

Tell me, my love, how do I fix something when I don't even know how it broke? How do I mend a broken heart when… when the other half wants nothing to do with me?

They say 'It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all,' but they have no bloody clue what it was like to love you, Emma. You were my sun, my true north, the other half of everything I am, and to lose that… well, I guess I am finding out.

Please, just come home. We can fix our problems. I can change. I just… I need you in my arms.

I need you.

Tears were trailing down her cheeks now, her hands shook so badly the letter fell to the floor. She had put him through so much pain, so much hurt, that sometimes she wondered why he'd wanted to fix their relationship to begin with. Why did he…

Strong arms encircled her waist and pulled her back until her body met a solid chest. Killian's scent, a mix of sea salt and musk, gave him away immediately. Her body sagged in relief as she spun and buried her face in his shirt. She was so thankful he was here.

"Hey, hey now, my love." His fingers combed through her hair gently. "What is going on? Why are you up here crying?"

She shook her head, unable to articulate the pain that reading his letter had caused. Killian did not pry. He knew she needed a moment. He always knew when she did. They had spent so long, a total of six years, in couple's therapy so they both had a pretty good idea of what the other needed during times of distress. Instead, he just swayed slightly with her in his arms, his fingers trailing lightly down her back as he whispered words of love and devotion into her ear.

After several minutes, she pulled back and met his gaze with a thin smile. "Thank you. I just needed a moment to collect myself."

Killian nodded, his hand cupping her cheek. "Tis not a problem, love. Now, tell me what has you so vexed?"

Bending at the waist, she picked the letter up from the floor and handed it to him. "I found this while looking for the christmas tree."

His eyes widened, a hand came up to pull the hair at the nape of his neck. "I didn't realize I kept this…" His words trailed off as he scanned the page.

She shrugged, shifting from foot to foot. "I didn't even know you wrote it and I guess it just reminded me of that time, of when I almost lost you."

His grin shocked her as he shook his head. "Emma, love, you would have never lost me completely, not even now. It was a difficult time, yes, but I don't see it that way." She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued. "We both grew so much in that year and we are stronger because of it. It nearly killed me going through it, but now? Now I see it as something that brought us closer. Do you honestly think we would be where we are today or how happy we are if you had never kicked my arse into gear by filing for divorce?"

She bit the inside of her cheek as she dried her eyes with the back of her shirt. He was right, as he normally was when it came to these things. If she hadn't filed, they would likely still be in the same holding pattern, except they would likely resent each other now. Her hand reached out and intertwined with his. "No, we wouldn't be."

Balling the letter in his hand, he threw it behind him. A soft thud was heard as the letter landed somewhere behind him and he tugged on their joined hands to pull her closer. "Exactly and I, for one, love where we are. We have two beautiful children, I am one of the most sought after songwriters in the business, and you… you, my love, completely restructured the foster system in our town and now more lost children are finding their forever home. I couldn't be prouder."

Looking up into his eyes, she couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face. Somehow, after seventeen years of marriage, Killian always found a way to make her fall in love with him even more. Lifting up on her tiptoes, she curled her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. Her eyes closed as he tightened he encircled her waist and pulled her against him to the point that there was no space between them.

What started out as a chaste kiss quickly turned into something else. Killian tilted his head as he wiped his tongue over her bottom lip and she moaned and opened her mouth in response. One of his hands tangled itself in her long locks as she attempted to lift herself higher to gain leverage. He had begun to walk her backwards, likely looking to press her back into a wall when a piercing wail caused them to jump apart.

They were both breathing heavily, her hand coming to rest over her heart, and it took a moment for her to realize that Harper had likely woken up. Her eyes found Killian's and she could help but giggle as she took in his wrecked look.

"To be continued?" She asked with a raised brow.

He nodded. "Aye." The left corner of his mouth lifted and a smirk formed on his lips as he looked at her with a glint in his eyes. "You know, love, Mary Margaret and David owe us an overnight visit for watching Neal last weekend."

She could see the wheels turning in his head because they were turning in her own. A night alone with her husband sounded like a perfect idea. "You are right they do. I will take care of Harper. You check on Liam and give David a call?"

"As you wish, Mrs. Jones." He gave a little bow and then pointed in the corner of the attic. "By the way, love, the tree is over there with the rest of the red and green christmas bins."

Her head jerked to look at the bins and she rolled her eyes. Red and green. Of course. By the time she turned back toward her husband he was halfway down the steps to the hallway. Her hair swayed back in forth as she shook her head once more. Below her, she could hear Harper babbling in her crib.

She glanced in the direction Killian had thrown the letter and made a step toward it before changing her mind and walking toward the steps. It was in the past and, therefore, she should not dwell on it. That was what Dr. Hopper always told them.

Besides, what good was it to live in the past when her future had turned out pretty damn great?

Thank you for reading. Please leave a review if you are up to it!