13. Why You Don't Lie to a Tiger

Dad was giving me awe'll talk later look. He obviously didn't want his reputation ruined by the fact that the fearsome Cub was actually a devoted father. But I found I didn't care. I was angry, angrier than I had ever been in my life. I wanted answers. I wanted my damn father to once tell me the truth. I wanted the lies that surrounded my life to be gone. I found myself standing up and I was shaking with fury. I felt everyone with their eyes on the back of my head. But I found I didn't care, not one bit.

"Tiger,'" growled Polar Bear, "Get down. You'll get us all in trouble."

I knew that but at this moment I couldn't care less about what my disrespect would cause me. I had heard that Dad's punishments were pretty bad but Dad had brought me up so I wasn't scared of him. I wasn't even scared of the sergeant at this moment. Pigeon was once more sneering at me. Did I tell you that I hated that soldier? Bat seemed to be glancing between me and Dad. Had he worked it out? Dog was just gobsmacked as were the rest of the soldiers. The sergeant looked furious at my behavior.

"Tiger," the sergeant snarled. "Sit down and listen to your superiors or you will be binned after completing whatever punishment Cub and I feel like assigning you."

"Wolf," Dad said quietly. "Maybe we should take this outside Tiger."

"Why?" I demanded.

"Tiger, you will do as Cub commands," Wolf said angrily.

Everyone else was backing away from us fast obviously not wanting to get punished with us. But I couldn't care less if this got me binned. I had some choice words to say to my dearest father, things that I had to get off my chest. I knew that Dad wouldn't like them but quite honestly I didn't care. Polar Bear seemed to be getting angrier and angrier at me by the second. I guessed that whatever friendship we previously had would be vanished by the time I had finished arguing with my damnable father.

"Or what?" I demanded.

"Tiger please calmly sit down," Dad said.

Dad suddenly no longer looked like the cold, hard agent that he had been two seconds before. I could tell everyone else had noticed and were shocked at the change in his behavior. But I noticed even whilst trying to calm me down Dad still kept in character still refused to call me by the name he had named me; the name of the father who had died in a plane crash when he was just three months old. Was Dad ashamed of me I wondered? Is that why he didn't want anyone to know that I was his son?

"Still calling me Tiger?" I shouted. "That's not my name. You know my name!"

"They know each other," whispered Swan obviously.

"Obviously," retorted Lion.

"How?" asked the black member of F Unit.

Dad ignored them his brown eyes boring into my blue ones, "I don't want you binned because of me. You're a good soldier."

"Flattery isn't going to get you anywhere," I cried. "You lied to me!"

"He is a spy," muttered Spider.

"You two know each other?" asked Eagle.

"Did he teach you?" asked Wolf.

"No wonder he's so good if the Cub taught him," added Terrier.

All of this was doing my head in. I was still on my feet glowering at my father. Dad seemed perfectly calm about all the shouting as though he did this every day. God, bloody Alex Rider who had to be a spy who wouldn't even tell his own son the truth. How I hated these lies. There was a reason I no longer wanted to be a spy. I was a soldier I dwelled in the realms of truth and reality. All these lies angered me. I just wanted them to end. Dad seemed to be deliberating what to say before settling on the truth or I think it's the truth.

"Tiger," he said still using my codename. "It's my job to lie to everyone."

"Even family?" I demanded angrily.

"Maybe their partners," whispered D Unit's leader very audibly.

Dad and I made the same disgusted expressions at precisely the same time. Dad was my Dad the idea of Dad being with anyone apart from my Mum was abhorrent. But to suggest that we had been together in that way was disgusting. But luckily no one but D Unit's leader seemed to think that mainly because we didn't give off romantic vibes. No we were quite clearly no together, together. But there were several looks of understanding from some of the people around the hall when I had said family they had looked at us and put it together.

"Oh," breathed Wolf.

"Even family," Dad replied seriously.

"You knew I would find out here," I pointed out.

"I had planned to tell you before hand but things …" he trailed off. "Things got away from me."

"Got away from you?" I demanded.

"Indeed," Dad said heavily.

"I thought I knew you, Dad but it turns out it's been nothing but lies!" I said.

I saw Dad flinch at my words. There was shocked here was the calm, hard notorious Cub flinching at a few words. There were also looks of shock all about when I had announced to everyone that I was "The Great Cub's" son. Polar Bear had blinked quite a few times and Pigeon had for once forgotten to sneer. If it had been any other situation I would have taken that as a win. But right at this moment I was simply furious at the lies that I had been told all my life. Why had I been lied to? Dad seemed to be thinking of an answer whilst the others gaped at the situation.

"Cub has a son," Eagle sounded surprise. "But he's Cub."

"Please, Eagle," Dad said. "Not now."

"You should have told him," Wolf agreed.

"I know Wolf, trust me I know," sighed Dad.

"They do look alike," Adder said.

"Makes sense," muttered Swan, "Seems I'm not the only child of K Unit to come here."

"Maybe you should calm down, Tiger," Dog told me gently.

"Calm down? Calm down? You want me to calm down? I demanded harshly. "I've been lied to all my life!"

"Tiger," Dad said. "You're not a child so could you please stop acting like one."

"Why should I?" I said childishly.

"Because you're an SAS soldier not a school brat," growled the sergeant.

"I don't care," I said.

I then stormed off outside so very angry with my father. I ran and ran and ran. Somehow I found myself at the shooting hut. I snatched up a gun and put on the goggles and began to fire and fire until I ran out of bullets. I then reloaded and did the same. I did this over and over again crying my eyes out into the rain. Nobody came, nobody bother me and for that I was glad. I didn't want to have to face anyone especially my father. I knew what I had said was hurtful but I needed to say it. I just needed to.

"Shooting helps, doesn't it?" said a familiar voice.

I turned around to see the shape of my father leaning against the hut looking calm and quite sad. I knew it was what I had said that had caused Dad to look like this but I didn't regret it. Not for one second. I had said what I felt needed to be said and to be damn with the consequences. This was why I would make a damn awful spy. I was far too emotional unlike some spies. I suspected Ian and Nelly would make decent spies. Actually so would Jackie but she was happy in the police force. I looked at Dad who was wearing his emotionless mask.

The mask that now I associated with Dad being a spy. The face that represented all the lies the man had ever told me. And that amounted to a lot over the years. The mask Dad was wearing was to protect him I knew but apparently not from my anger because it made me angrier than ever. But now that Dad was here I couldn't continue shooting like I had been two seconds ago. And I couldn't run forever. I stood facing Dad neither of us saying anything; the silence stretching awkwardly between us.

"How long have you been there?" I demanded angrily.

"Long enough," Dad answered.

"Give me a straight answer for once in your life," I said angrily. "I've had enough of the lies, the half truths and the avoidance. I've just had enough," my voice cracked embarrassingly.

Dad sighed, "I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't lie. Now would I?" Dad responded.

"To hell with your job," I said angrily.

Dad sighed sadly, "I've been doing this for a long time, John," he said finally.

"Finally consent to calling me by my name," I growled, "The name that you chose!"

"Back there I couldn't," Dad sighed. "It is not a good idea for a soldier to give away his details even to his comrades."

"We're allies," I growled.

"Have you ever heard of turncoats?" Dad asked drily.

"Is there anyone you do trust?" I growled.

"Ben, Tamara," Dad began.

"But not your own children," I said angrily.

"I was about to say Carrie and my children," Dad said calmly.

"Then why didn't you tell us?" I demanded.

"I didn't want to put you in danger for simply knowing too much," Dad said. "The same happened to your mother and we know the result of that."

"It wasn't a nutter?" I asked.

"No," Dad sighed.

"So you lied to me about that too," I shouted.

"Yes," Dad said.

"What kind of sick bastard lies to their own child about the way their mother was killed," I demanded.

"A sick bastard who wants their child safe," Dad said harshly. "All I've ever done is want you safe and loved. I know what you're going through right now."

"Yeah, right," I snorted.

"Your feeling betrayed. Your feeling like your whole life is a lie. You feel that you don't know me so can't love me. Your feeling that I didn't trust you so you can't love me. You know longer trust or believe in me. You wish I had told you before. You wish that you didn't know now. Your so lost, confused and scared," Dad said.

"How do you know that?" I demanded.

"Because I went through the same thing," Dad said.

"What?" I asked gobsmacked.

"My Uncle was a spy too," Dad said. "But you have something I didn't."

"What?" I demanded.

I'm still alive to talk to," Dad said. "When I found out the truth I wished more than anything that Ian had spoken to me before he died about the truth; that we could have just one honest conversation. Please let me tell you my story."

I thought for a second then, "Okay," I said as gruff as Polar Bear could be.