Hiding My Masked Affection

spockjasperzukowriting

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

6

"You had no right to drag her into this!" Sokka screamed, his voice swollen with rage and betrayal. "You knew they could've targeted us! And now she's been attacked!"

"Sokka-" I heard Suiya try to cut in soothingly.

"Shut up!" he snapped. "Our lives were perfect without you! At least you've managed to uphold your nation's reputation for being back-stabbing monsters!"

I blinked, the world around me blurring into one garbled picture. I then squirmed, testing out my body gingerly to see if I could move. My muscles reacted perfectly but they ached with a throbbing, blunted pain, and I was restricted from the thick blankets wrapped thoroughly around me. I tried to speak, but all that came out was a pathetic croak and my ears popped as they were suddenly being used. I squeezed my eyes shut quickly then opened them wide, being thankful as clarity began to define my line of sight.

"Be quiet, Sokka!" I heard Aang protest. "Katara's-"

"Don't even get me started on how much I am pissed off at you, Aang!" my brother yelled. "How could you be on their side? Has the Fire Nation ever done anything to you? Have you learned nothing from the war!"

I twisted my neck until I could see Sokka, Hakoda, Suiya and Aang standing at the far side of my room. Gray light streamed in through the open balcony, and various healing utensils were stacked in a chaotic fashion at my beside. I was layered with thick Water Tribe blankets, with my hair undone and left to flow in a scraggly mess in every direction.

Suiya was cowering behind Hakoda as he stared disbelievingly at Sokka, who was fuming and throwing his hands around in wild gestures as he vented an incurable wrath. Aang was standing modestly in the corner as far away from the conflict as he could possibly be. He was clutching his staff nervously, ready to whack anything that came to close. Most likely the thing being Sokka.

All had tired, worried looks on their faces that mingled with an expression of guilt, but Sokka by far looked the worse. Inky black circles were under his angry, tense eyes, and his clothes were tattered, dirty, blood-stained, and wrinkled from the lack of attention. His hair was put hurriedly into its traditional Wolf Tail, but it looked as if he had been running his hands through it all night. If he hadn't been so outraged and furious he probably would've been passed on the floor with exhaustion.

I wriggled my hands and arms free, wincing in pain from the sudden movements, and loosening the furs around me so that I could breathe better.

Sokka became more livid by the second, turning his murderous glare from Aang to our father. He pointed at Hakoda, snarling, "I'm taking Katara back home in three days time, and if you don't act fast on how you can make her safer here, and prove to me that you haven't turned your back to your family, then we will stay until the summer solstice. But that's it."

I attempted to sit up, only vaguely hearing his oaths to Hakoda, and a searing panging surged through my torso. I squeaked, collapsing down on the bed with a big thud. Everyone's attention was immediately diverted to me, Sokka excepted. He only stiffened his all ready arched shoulders, and clenched his fists so hard until his knuckles turned white. He turned away from me, hanging his head in shame.

Aang's eyes widened and he burst over to my side, helping me straighten the sheets around me in a worried manner. His eyes were filled with tender concern as he asked me, "Are you all right?"

I rubbed my eyes, still feeling woozy and confused from my abrupt wake-up call. "I'm better than I was," I mumbled, blinking to clear my vision again.

Aang shook his head, pursing his lips and staring at me softly. "I'm sorry that we woke you," he cracked, fiddling nervously with the hem of his shirt. "We should've taken our argument somewhere else."

"Katara!" Hakoda exclaimed, running over to me past Sokka. He stopped five feet away, keeping his distance, his expression wary as he looked hesitantly between Sokka and I. "Who did this to you? We need to know. The whole city has heard about the attack on you," he burbled, and Suiya wrung her hands nervously.

My temples throbbed as memories I wanted to so dearly to forget came flashing back into my mind, hollowing out my chest and forming a lump in my throat. I suddenly found it hard to breath, even with the blankets loosened.

"Dad, Aang..." I began gently, taking on my motherly voice. "I'm fine, just a bit sore in some places. I can heal them with waterbending soon enough." I grimaced inwardly at how feeble and weak my voice sounded.

Sokka quivered, still facing away from me. His posture was tightly wound, tensed to a high degree and ready to break at the slightest pressure.

Hakoda didn't look persuaded by my assurances. "Did the Azkai do this to you?"

"And more importantly: what happened?" Aang added.

I didn't like how stressed they sounded. Their voices were all strangled to be kept level, and they all looked on the verge of tears. I wasn't used to being the centre of attention- the one everyone worried about.

I cleaned any sign of weakness off of my face and purified my expression. "Yes, the Azkai did this to me," I started, pushing myself up but gasping as my palms seared. I hurriedly pushed the blankets off of me to see that was wearing nothing but a flimsy white gown and bloodied bandages. I held out my hands, only to discover them to be wrapped in linen stained of blood where the glass and cut me.

Aang leaned over and took my hands into his, placing them firmly at my sides. He looked into my eyes and said, "Katara, you're going to be okay. What happened to you isn't your fault."

I nodded, sliding my fingers out from his. "I know. They just came out of no where, and it was dark and I got lost..."

Hakoda sighed as I trailed off, not wanting to hear memories I had been about to describe. "I'm just so sorry that this has happened to you."

Sokka snapped at that moment, turning around and charging Hakoda. Hakoda and Aang had little time to react, and before I knew what had happened, Hakoda was on the floor and covering his bleeding mouth loosely with his hand. Sokka's fist was poised near his shoulder, in its ending position from the strike. His was red as he screamed, "YOU MONSTER!"

"Sokka!" Aang barked, zipping up to my brother as he was about charge my stunned father again. He twisted in a mid-air flip behind my brother's back and brought his staff around the front of Sokka's throat, cutting off his air-supply with a forceful yank. "You and I need to talk," he growled through his teeth, tugging my brother backwards out through the door harshly.

Hakoda scrambled to his feet, still stumbling awkwardly back towards the wall and hiding his face in his hands. He sagged the front of his body onto the wall, balling his fists and hiding in his arms.

I heard sobs start filling the rooms, and only when I felt my cheeks turn warm and wet, followed by my uncontrollable shaking, did I realize they were my own.

Suiya clasped her hands in front of her face, muttering an apology as she quickly took her leave from the room. I heard Sokka howl in anguish in a far away place, and Hakoda only silently shook were he stood. Sokka's actions had reduced him to nothing.

Hakoda then pulled back, wiping his bloodied lip. His eyes were red and pained, and he walked with an injured grace. "Katara, if you need anything, just call out. Guards are outside your door if the Azkai come for you again. We'll talk later after we get ourselves sorted." He was about to conclude walking through the doorway when he paused in mid-step, turning back towards me and saying, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

I hid my face in my hands as the tears strengthened in their flow, and I sobbed, "Just leave me alone."

After I heard the creak of the door being swung shut I immediately let myself cry as much as I needed. Dreams from my slumber and instances from my horrible past came crashing down inside my mind like a toppled shelf of china, and I couldn't bring myself in the moment to take it any more.

I let myself lean back against the soft, cushioned pillows of my bed, breathing to regulate my sore muscles and focusing on burying surfaced emotions despite my distracting hiccups. I turned away from my room, facing the wall my bed was aligned against and staring at the painted patterns of the moon phases. It was the only thing familiar enough to take comfort in. I wanted nobody's company but silence.

Time passed at such a slow pace that if I didn't notice the dimming grey-light from my open balcony fading into the colours of the sunset, I wouldn't have noticed time was passing at all. My eyes stung with trickling tears, and my breathing wouldn't level out to a consistent cadence.

My mind dozed as my body tried to work out its problems, and I was only interrupted once as I heard a servant walk in quietly and set down a new tray of food.

I shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep, but was shocked to find that the servant pulled the warm blankets around my bare body, tucking me in gently and considerately. My fingers wrapped themselves around the supple cloth in appreciation for the action, and I slowly let my tensed, chilled body relax into my self-created warmth.

There was a moment of silence following the servants kind-hearted token, until I heard a voice say softly, "Katara, you might not hear what I am about to say, but I'm going to tell you anyway. I love you more than anything in the world, and even if Sokka won't let me be with you, just know that you are always in my heart." There was a beat of silence and I tensed.

"I married Suiya so that you could have a mother; so that I could set things right. Though you might not understand it, I do have feelings for her as well." My father let a dawdling beat of silence ensue. "You're just as beautiful as your mother."

I heard rhythmic, pacifying, and familiar steps patter across the floor as Hakoda took his leave. There was a muffled click as he shut the door behind him.

I released any muscular tension I had left inside me, and for the first time in what felt like forever, my tears stopped.

The light behind my eyelids etiolated into a pale, creamy white.

The moon was shining with its radiant beauty once more.

I sat up straight, my wounds protesting from my sudden movement, and I blinked clear the nightmare that I had just witnessed. The fading face of my dead mother dissipated, and I rolled onto my side, facing my room once more. It was still night, and judging by the angle the moon's rays flowed into my room from my open balcony, the night was half over.

I labouredly scooted myself out of my bed, stumbling onto the cold floor maladroitly. I slowly pulled my torso to proper alignment, wincing now and then as I pulled my dressing gown around my shoulders and began to hobble across my room towards the open terrace. I stood, hunched and crippled with pain, in the moonlight in the wide entrance. My moonstone glowed happily around my neck, and I slowly drew power to my immune system. My legs began to gradually feel less shaky and my breathing steadied out. I pulled my fingers a few times through my hair to smooth it down.

The warm Fire Nation breeze flirted with the thin curtains that glowed a silver sheen in the moon's luminescence. I inclined my head droopingly towards the floor and walked over to the curtains, leaning into them absently and threading the fabric between my trembling fingers. I looked across the room to the other curtains as I buried myself in the fabric, watching as the wind carried the translucent white satin in a floating grace.

The wind pushed aside the curtains out into the sky minutely, but it was enough for me to see the outline of a blue and white mask in the shape of the Blue Spirit, hovering motionlessly amongst the waterfall of cloth.

I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand and pushing backwards deeper into the curtains to conceal my shock and myself.

The curtains wavered back into the place, and when they swayed up towards the sky again, the mask was gone, leaving the curtains empty once more.

I blinked in confusion, leaping forward out of the curtains and pulling the other ones open, running my hands through the layers of cloth and feeling for a familiar warm body, but there was nothing. The curtains were devoid of my saviour

My senses were on high alert, acquitted to the purest degree despite my injuries, and I dashed out to the edge of the balcony, leaning over the railing and scanning the yard for smooth, gliding movements and the flash of bright blue and white mingled into a horrifying face. The leaves in the garden below me whispered against each other and rippled like water in the fluid, quiescent wind. I tuned my sight and hearing to uncover the slightest movement of a passing body, positioned to hear the undulating air around a male figure.

I gave up after several indolent moments of holding perfectly still, and I searched over the balcony railing with my vision for a way down into the garden. I saw chipped into the wall easily climbable structures sculpting the shapes of Dragon heads and mean worshiping the frightening, taloned creatures. They lead down to a thick brush of bushes and trees, but it didn't look too treacherous. It was in a straight line at the balcony side, accessible to anyone with a strong grip and footing.

I adjusted my dressing gown around me until it was tight enough now not to slip off or catch on anything, and I pulled myself over the stone railing and onto the thick, sturdy sculptures pluming out of the walls of the mansion. I focused my vision forward on the opened mouth of the Dragon's head I was gripping onto with all my strength, and I carefully placed my bare feet on the wide-spread palms of a stone Fire Sage below me. I bit my lip and promised myself that no matter how crazy and how dangerous, considering my recent attack, this probably was, I was positive I had seen the Blue Spirit and needed to meet with him. I had so many things I needed to say, and this seemed like a rare opportunity.

I meticulously lowered myself down one step at a time towards the ground. The stars twinkled merrily above my head, and I carefully searched for each finger and foot-hold in the array of sculptures as to not make a mistake. I descended below the canopy of the brush, and when I took my final step down, the sole of my foot was greeted with the moist and warm sensation of soil. I pushed off of the wall and crept between the branches and stems of the trees, coming out of the brush with a silent flourish. The ground below me transition from rolled, sinking earth to hardened stone, and I began to walk carefully down the path towards the heart of the garden.

The trees and flowers looked even more magical at night. With the vibrant colours no longer alive, they were simmering blanched versions of greens, reds, yellows, pinks, blues, and purples. The grass lining the pathway was speckled with crystalline dew, and the deadened smells of the natural garden aroma were heavy in the air. The air itself felt thick, laced with scents and pale light. Combined all together, the garden was enthralling and could easily distract a carefree person.

But I was concentrating on a certain mission at task, and I trained my eyes to look past dazzling beauty for mystical fright in a certain mask.

My toes brushed against softer wood, and I realized that I had been distracted by the garden's pulchritude and was now at the foot of the stairs leading up to the wooden gazebo. I climbed the stairs easily, my body ignoring the dull panging resonating throughout it, and my heart rate quickened as I stood at the gazebo's heart. The wood below me didn't creak, and the air around me swirled in a pulsing vortex, spreading scents of water-tulips and daffodils into my nose.

I smiled in content and looked down at my shadow that was spilling out from my feet as my figure bent the moonlight. But my heartbeats halted and my eyes widened as I saw the outline of a male shadow stretching out a little to my side, the owner directly behind me.

Emanating warmth began to coarse up and down my back, and my neck tingled as I felt an intense pair of eyes bore into my skin. I heaved shaky breaths as quietly as I could manage, and I turned my head to peer over my shoulder, my body slowly following my gazes' lead up a muscled chest covered in dark brown cloth to a painted mask.

The Blue Spirit kept his gaze on me, his posture relaxed, and his head inclined down towards me. His body was so close to mine, just a few mere inches away, and his duo Dao swords gleamed in the light. I struggled to keep my face composed, the scary mask hollering at my instincts for me to run away and hide in my room, shutting away the world behind me using the glass doors to my balcony, but I firmly resisted those feelings.

I let my feet turn below me until I was fully facing him, and let my blue eyes stare right into his black, cavernous ones. I allowed my raised shoulders to sink and my face clean itself of emotion as I took him in for what he was.

He would not hurt me, and I would not be afraid.

Waves of mutual recognition passed between us in the frigid air, and I let him read my expression and eyes as he pleased. If anyone was going to break the still moment, I was determined to make him be the one to do it.

I felt warm, lengthy and gloved fingers entwine in mine, and I sucked in a sharp breath as he took both my hands and lifted them up between us, tearing his unreadable, fixed stare from me to my hands. He scrutinized the bandages they were wrapped in with an almost critical manner, tracing the thin lines of blood gently with his thumbs. He tilted his face back to me questioningly.

Words jammed in my throat as I remembered my will to make him speak, but he only continued to pass in his swift body language a message of confusion and inquiry. A feeling pounded insistently in the back of my mind that told me that he wanted to know if I was okay.

So I opened my mouth, and let myself speak to him an explanation. "The glass from the vases cut my skin," I said, keeping my voice to a whisper for volume. "But I don't feel anything any more."

He nodded, letting my hands fall from his and we returned our hands hastily to our sides.

I twisted my lips, unknowing of whether or not I should speak to him again. But he gestured to the rest of my body, the same eerie feeling of question tensing the air.

"I only have a few bruises, some more cuts, and aching skin," I answered. "They didn't do much to me before you came."

His chest rose and fell once a little more dramatically than it had before, indicating a silent sigh.

"Can you speak?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shook his head, placing two fingers momentarily over my heart then back to his, moving them then quickly up to the grinning mouth of the mask.

I attempted to put the pieces together. My heart, his heart, mouth... my soul, his soul, his speech... me, him, communication... silence...

I re-focused my gaze on his face. "You communicate to me through silence?" I guessed, elaborating my basic idea I had received from his clean motions.

He nodded, the mood in the air lightening a little as if he was impressed.

My smile fell. "Why won't you speak to me?"

For a moment his body was a mixture of stiffness and relaxation, as if he was confused, and he then extended his fingers out to me and wrote a few invisible lines, dashes, and curves over my heart. I lifted my fingertips to that area for a moment as he returned his hand to his side, trying to make sense of the shapes he had traced on my clothes. I pictured them in my head like writing on paper. My eyes widened in surprise; writing on paper what exactly what I needed to imagine. He had traced the character that meant "identity" on me.

"You don't want people to know who you really are," I summarized.

He nodded twice, and he stood up a little straighter, bearing a posture of what I assumed was approval.

A small silence ensued as his body language remained unchanged and my mind was turning up blank for new questions. I looked over him once, and the small tear in his suit that was over his ribs snagged my attention. I stared at it with concern, furrowing my eyebrows at the pathetic, messy stitches that had been applied to remedy it with little success.

"Could I fix that tear for you?" I offered, giving him a hopeful look. "I'll do a much better job than whoever attempted at it for you. I owe that much to you."

My heart thudded apprehensively inside my chest while I waited for him to answer me. He quickly looked down at the small tear, then back up to me, heaving his shoulders up and down in a shrug of defeat before nodding.

I smiled as warmly as I could up at him, walking past him to the stairs of the gazebo. "Come on," I coaxed.

He gave a quick glance around the gazebo before following me with lithe steps. I tried not to stiffen as I compared his silent steps to my loud ones. He blended into the still night perfectly, and I only prayed that Sokka or Aang or anyone, for that matter, wouldn't walk out of this moment to find me alone with a mysterious and terrifying Blue Spirit.

I lead him back to the sculptured wall and pointed up at the terrace to my room. "Could you get us both up there?"

He looked up at the balcony then back to me, his posture turning rigid for a second. He didn't answer or move, most likely unsure.

I looked away, feeling silly as I stepped forward into the bushes up to the wall, not bothering to look back to know if he was following me, not looking forward to the climb.

Arms circled my waist and I was suddenly yanked up against his body. The wind whistled in my ears briefly for a moment and I was suddenly standing on the cold stone balcony.

I swayed from surprise and took a moment to steady myself as the Blue Spirit shyly took a few steps back. I blew a stray lock of hair out of my face and forced a grin at him. Impressive. When his embarrassed attitude continued I dropped my smile and dashed over to the pile of bags lining the way, digging through until I drew out a bag of needles and thread.

"Here," I began softly, gesturing to my bed. "For the sake of your identity, you can keep it on while I mend it. You'll just have to sit down and hold still."

He gave me a nod, gliding over and setting himself on the edge of my bed, shoulders slightly hunched, looking uncomfortable. I followed and sat next to him, lifting his obedient arm and while threading a needle with the appropriate colour.

He wasn't relaxed while I worked, glancing down to check me intermittently, but remained motionless as I wove the threat expertly at the frayed seams of cloth, stitching together the gap. When it was finally sewn shut, I gave it one last meticulous scan before nodding. His posture calmed and he lowered his arm.

"There, I'm all done," I announced proudly, putting away my needles and thread.

He glanced down, running a few fingers of the small, nearly invisible line.

I folded my hands in my lap and grinned. "I used to be one of the best needle-women back home in the Southern Water Tribe. I could fix anything." I smiled wider. "Sokka still has me fix his pants now and then."

He huffed quickly, probably pantomiming a chuckle.

I let my smile linger as I gazed at the floor, the bags under my eyes suddenly feeling heavy and my alerted awareness dulling dramatically. I shut my eyes in frustration: I was still human, and I was still hurt.

I looked back up at him, grinning softly as I caught him in the act of staring at me. "You can go now if you want," I yawned, and my mind felt fuzzy as I rubbed my eyes.

The Blue Spirit just stared at me motionlessly, undecided of what to make of my statement. I leaned back against the wall, staring at him sadly. I didn't particularly want him to leave, not just yet. I wouldn't hold him hostage here; he was still a free person with a right to free will. But he was the only person I knew of right now that was just sit and listen to me, without yelling at anyone else. The mask always gave off one emotion, and that was dominance and courage.

And he was the only one who truly knew that happened last night.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them, keeping my gaze level with his. I bit my lip as the thought crossed my mind of him leaving again, simply disappearing into the night and past. I didn't want him to leave. He was unlike anyone I had ever known; different in so many ways. So I wanted to keep him different to me, and I wanted him to stay.

My eyes burned with the pressure of tears. I trembled, exhaling, unsure of how to phrase my feelings. Emotions and words couldn't be held together in my exhausted mind.

The Blue Spirit haltingly rose to his feet, stretching up to tower in the moonlight. I quickly felt hopeful. "Will I ever see you again?" I questioned.

He nodded, pointing to him, then to me, then he walked two fingers for a short distance across the air, then gestured towards the phases of the moon paintings.

I took a moment to put everything into place mentally. "You'll come to me... everything night?"

He nodded, placing his right hand over his heart and then over mine, indicating a soulful promise.

I smiled, swaying as another wave of exhaustion hit me again. He held onto my shoulders and steadied me.

"Umpf," I grunted as he attempted to make me stand straight. "I'm fine, I'm just...tired."

He nodded and helped me walk towards my bed, letting me crawl under the covers and lay back, staring at the ceiling as I rubbed my eye again.

In my peripheral vision, I saw him quickly take off through the air rapidly and leap off the balcony, his sword gleaming and his gaze forward.

My eyelids drooped and everything went black.