15. So Your Cub's Son

'So you wanna go back,' Dad asked me. 'My lesson has been postponed to after dinner,' Dad told me.

'But we never have anything after dinner,' I said.

'Only in the first week,' Dad told me. 'Then you have night exercises or all day exercises. They're always a nightmare.'

'I wish you could have told me before you left,' I said.

'That would probably have been wiser,' agreed Dad. 'But I did honestly think that I would be back before then.'

'What were you doing in Saudi Arabia anyway?' I asked.

Dad smiled sadly at me, 'you know I can't tell you that.'

I sighed, I realised how much of Dad's life had been devoted to secrets. It was way over half his life. I didn't fully understand my father's way of thinking or his way of life but I would accept it. I was going to walk back to my hut but Dad was walking over to the targets I had been shooting out in my anger at Dad. I watched him with a frown not understanding what he was doing. I thought I was beginning to understand my father but I still didn't, not really. I wondered if anyone ever had or ever would understand the once teenage spy.

'Dad what are you doing?' I called out.

'Checking your score,' Dad replied.

'Do you have to?' I moaned.

I knew that although I seemed to be one of the best (if not the best) shooter amongst us recruits. Certainly I was the best out of my group. I was nowhere near as good as my father. But then again Dad had, well I didn't know when he had learnt to shoot. He started teaching us when we were seventeen but he had been a spy since he was fourteen. Had he learned to shoot when he first came here at the age of fourteen? The idea of a fourteen year old with a gun made me shiver slightly. It was unnatural for a child to be in this world.

I could understand why Uncle Ben, the sergeant and Eagle treated him rough the first time around. They too were probably unsure how to act around a child soldier. It wasn't a game. It wasn't child's play. It wasn't like in the movies. This was real life and death situations. I knew that no child should ever be in this world. Yet Dad had survived it and made his name that soldiers thirty years on still knew even if they had no idea exactly how young "Cub" had been when he first came here. I wondered what they'd say if they knew.

'I am here to help you train as well as look for new recruits,' Dad had told me. 'What kind of instructor would I be if I didn't help you shoot?' Dad had asked me.

'Dad how old were you when you learnt to shoot?' I asked.

'Fourteen,' Dad said.

'You mean MI6 taught you how to shoot?' I asked in shock.

Dad shook his head, 'you remember when I told you that I ran away from a school trip to join a terrorist organisation.'

'Yeah,' I said hesitantly.

'Well they taught me how to shoot,' Dad said casually, 'sent me to kill someone as well.'

I gulped, 'did you?' I asked.

'Kill someone?' Dad asked and I nodded. 'No,' Dad said calmly.

'Why?' I asked.

'I couldn't do it,' Dad admitted. 'At that point I couldn't kill someone in cold blood. It was only when Jack was murdered before my eyes that I killed one of those responsible.'

'Why did they kill her?' I asked. 'What was the point?'

'The point?' Dad gave a harsh and incredibly bitter laugh that sounded wrong to me coming out of my loving father's mouth. 'Was to torture me,' Dad said simply. 'He had been told he couldn't harm me in anyway physically so he tortured me mentally.'

'Sick bastard,' I said.

'He died soon after as well,' Dad said.

'How?' I asked.

'I left him to drown in salt,' Dad said.

'Oh,' was all I said.

'You did very well but you need to remember that the gun and you aren't separate entities. You are one. Never forget that because on the field that could be the difference between life and death.'

'I know Dad,' I rolled my eyes.

'Don't you roll your eyes at me young man. Just because your twenty three doesn't mean I can't still ground you,' Dad warned.

'Dad,' I laughed.

'Come on let's get going,' Dad said. 'Put away the guns first though.'

'Yes Dad,' I said.

I felt much like a young child was being told to put my toys away. The way Dad had said it. And from the way Dad was smirking at me he knew it too. Dad had one twisted sense of humour I realised. Well Dad had a very twisted life full stop. I took the gun apart and put its bits back in the proper places. The two of us walked in companionable silence back to where the others were surely relaxing with their free afternoon time. Not all of us had a massive bombshell dropped on us by our spy of a father.

'Dad does Nelly know?' I asked.

Dad nodded, 'yeah,' Dad said sadly.

'Why did you tell her and not me?' I asked.

'I didn't tell her,' Dad said sadly.

'But she knows,' I said.

'Well okay I did tell her but only after we were shot at,' Dad said. I stared. 'You lot were all revising and Ian was at Rugby,' Dad explained. 'Then some enemies hunted us down. I hotwired a car and there was a car chase. I believe Nelly was under the impression I was in some sort of gang.'

'Better than mine,' I said.

'Oh yes Nelly told me that,' Dad smiled. 'You were close. I have trained with assassins and I do kill people but only for Queen and country.'

I rolled my eyes, 'I can see why Nelly laughed at me now.'

'Oh she would,' Dad then sighed, 'she wants to take after me and I know with Ian's skills at hacking people have an eye on him. With the Rider name some of you were going to end up in MI6.'

'Don't you want us to?' I asked.

'It's a very dirty and dangerous job,' Dad said. 'Not everyone comes home.'

'That's the same with the SAS,' I said.

'Spying is more dangerous,' Dad said. 'In the SAS you have back up and your unit. If you're a spy you have yourself, your guts, and your intelligence. Sometimes depending on how high profile the mission is you have back up or partners but not always. We're very lucky actually that out of Tamara, Ben and I we've all survived.'

'Really?' I asked.

'Oh yes,' Dad said grimly. 'I'm up for being the Head in a few years once I retire off active duty. I have no idea how I'd handle having to send you into combat.'

'Out of what you have seen who would you recruit for MI6?' I asked.

'Not you,' Dad admitted, 'and not because you're my son. You wear your heart on yourself, very dangerous for a spy to do. Let's see out of the units I did this morning I'd say all of C Unit would be able to at least go for testing.'

'Spies have tests?' I asked.

'Oh yes,' Dad said. 'I didn't take them because I was an exceptional circumstance.'

'What do you need to do for the tests?' I asked.

'Hacking, fighting, languages, shooting, poisons, lying, infiltration and stuff along those lines,' Dad said. 'Some of it is not dissimilar to SAS training which is why we put our new recruits through that first.'

'So who else would you say?' I asked. 'Anyone from my unit?'

'I haven't seen much of your Unit so I really can't say,' Dad told me. 'Polar Bear is guarded enough and Bat is quick enough. But those skills on their own aren't enough.'

'How do you know all their names already?' I asked, 'even I don't know all their names.'

'I have their files,' Dad said. 'I know their backgrounds, skills, histories, families, codenames and real names.'

'Oh?' I said. 'What about Pigeon?' I asked grimacing.

'You don't like him,' Dad said.

'He did knock me unconscious,' I grumbled.

'True,' Dad said. 'He's trying to prove himself even if he is going about it the wrong way. Polar Bear's way is much better.'

'So he's been here before?' I asked.

'Did I say that?' Dad asked cheekily.

'You didn't have to, Dad,' I rolled my eyes. 'I know you.'

We had just come back into camp when I saw Eagle and the sergeant waiting for us. I felt nervous. Was I going to be punished? I had stood up to a senior member of MI6. Even if that said member was my own father. I had also ignored my sergeant's instructions and my Unit leader's. I had then run out of a seminar causing it to be cancelled when the instructor left to find me. I hoped all this fuss wouldn't lead me to being binned. I looked towards Dad hoping that he would help me out. He owed me that much at least considering it was his fault in the first place.

'Dad will I get binned for this?' I asked.

'No,' Dad said harshly. 'I'll make sure of it. Plus Wolf's not as bad as he makes out once you get to know him.'

'If you say so,' I said unconvinced.

'So your Cub's son,' Wolf said. 'Makes sense.'

'What makes sense, sergeant?' I asked.

'Your skills,' Eagle said. 'I take it Cub's been teaching you.'

'Of course,' Cub said, 'any child of mine is a danger magnet.'

'Still can't believe that our little Cubbie is a father,' Eagle shook his head.

'That's because you still think I'm fifteen,' retorted Dad.

'Really?' I asked sceptically.

'Really,' grinned Dad. 'I hope that there'll be no punishment for this considering if I had told him the truth it wouldn't have happened.'

Wolf nodded, 'though people are going to look at you differently now that they know who your father is.'

'Yes sergeant,' I said.

'Are we going to loose you to MI6, too?' asked Eagle with a grin.

'He doesn't really have the spy mentality,' Dad said, 'he's too open.'

'Unlike some blondes we know,' laughed Eagle.

'Dismissed soldier,' Wolf said.

I clapped a hand to my head in a salute then walked off back to my cabin knowing that there would be a barrage of questions from Dog and Bat waiting for me. I wasn't eager for that reunion. I wondered what Polar Bear would say. I knew that Dad was the person he respected most in the camp so he would most likely want to know about him but at the same time Polar Bear just didn't like talking to people. I sighed there was no point in delaying this any longer. I felt like I was walking to my execution as I entered my cabin.