Hiding My Masked Affection

spockjasperzukowriting

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. This story is purely for fun and imaginative purposes.

This chapter is dedicated to: Densharr, AnnaAza, Momomiya Ichigo Loves Inuyasha, Angel's Kiss 09, lazyguy90, xTheOnlyExceptionx, vinh, Ten Vanishing Circles, Lily-Bakura, edd-ot, GemFreak1, Anti-Social, Another Face, and eleventy7.

The motivation for this chapter and story is dedicated to: EmpressVicky, YolandaFriella, redpinkandwhite, Rosegirlz (you're on here for subscribing both to me and the story as well as favoriting both), eleventy7, theFisherman, enticement, and Sapphira. Your reviews were very heartfelt and suggestions for plot were awesome. I feel like I can continue with this story with your motivational words.

I temporarily had this story/chapter known as Spies of Sword and Flame, (courtesy of eleventy7), so let me know if you would prefer me to change the name to that. :)

8

The sun warmed my skin comfortingly. Besides the Blue Spirit, the heat was the only good thing about the Fire Nation right now. The rays sliced down through the garden, spilling out like water across the greenery of the plants and the color of the petals. It made everything burst to life, almost as if the yellow light would help the flowers plume out of their buds. I sat in the middle of the gazebo; my only warmth came from a thin patch of sunlight that managed to struggle through the thick brush surrounding it.

I was writing a letter to Gran-Gran – or was trying to. I couldn't find a place to start. My endless cycle of thoughts destroyed any beginning I might write. There was too much in my life to think about. How could I possibly break the news of my attack to the old, caring, sensitive woman, an attack on her grand-daughter by the most feared enemy of the Fire Nation? She'd write back immediately, demanding that Sokka and I come home. All of her trust in her only son would be lost in a few simple words.

I couldn't divide our family again. Not in times as dire as these.

I wanted help but didn't know where to find any. Sokka was asleep in his room, exhausted from panicked hours spent worrying over my health. I doubted that Aang and I would be able to carry on a conversation without yelling at each other again, and I didn't want to see my father. It felt wrong just thinking about him. We were so different, yet so similar. We had the same skin tone and that was it. He was a man of logic and experience; I was a girl yet to understand the world . He was in love; I was not. He had found his perfect place in life; I searched desperately for my own. If anything, Sokka had more in common with him than I did. I didn't match anyone that well in my family. Even in the entire Southern Water Tribe, nobody but myself was a Waterbender.

I gazed longingly at the ink in the jar next to my blank sheet of paper. I slowly raised my hand, curled my fingers and made a pulling motion towards me. The ink twisted out through the small neck of the jar and swirled in the air, wavering unsteadily as I exercised my grip on it. I flexed my wrist and turned it around, spinning the ink in different forms and directions. The ink stretched and compressed, spiraling in the air while under my influence. I tried with my utmost concentration to not let it drip or falter. I focused on the feeling of precision, squeezing the water together to keep it compacted into one thick ribbon. I tuned out the songs of the birds and the sounds of a busy capital outside the mansion's walls. To me, there was nothing but the band of ink and myself. Everything else was meaningless.

"Katara?" whispered a soft, nervous voice. I jumped and the world came rushing back to me. The ink fell from my grip and splattered on the glazed wood of the gazebo and all over my paper. I flinched and stood back, thankful that my dress had not been soiled, and I looked up to find the culprit. It was Suiya, wringing her hands as usual and biting her lip. She eyed the mess I had made. "Sorry," she stammered.

I blinked, still startled.

"It's okay...Suiya," I replied, testing out her name in my voice. It sounded foreign. I was used to blurting 'Gran-Gran' or 'Sokka'. Even 'mom' would sound more normal than her name. "It's my fault. I should have more control."

I bent my knees towards the floor and I straightened my arms and fingers. I lifted myself up again and brought the ink up with me, lifting it from the floor. I imagined the sensation of holding the substance with my mind, like pulling wet cloth from the ground: Damp, likely to drip, but held together with a heavy, binding force. I raised the ink back up and churned it into a thin strip, bending my knees to maneuver it over the jar, holding my breath as I focused with all my might. I slid it back in and let it go, relaxing as the last drop slid into the jar. I stumbled a little bit, feeling the drain on my energy. My muscles felt shaky and I suddenly wanted nothing but to lie down.

I glanced up to see Suiya standing timidly at the base of the steps. "Could I join you?" she asked eventually, taking her time to vocalize her thoughts.

I nodded, straightening my posture and calming my ragged breathing. "Sure."

I plopped down pathetically while she carried herself elegantly to my side, sitting down smoothly with such precise poise that I thought she was mocking me. But she only smiled weakly and folded her hands in her lap. She meant no harm. I was starting to see why my father might've taken an interest in her. He liked a woman that he could protect, yet still rely on for encouragement. Suiya had a burning fire of resilience hidden deep down inside her eyes, yet she was willing to bend easily.

I kept my legs tucked underneath me as I squirmed, the silence nagging at me. But I didn't want to be rude and break it. She was the one who had approached me first. I watched as she sucked in a tight breath and gave me a worried look.

"So, um...you look better," she attempted, wincing.

I looked down at my hands and observed the fading lines of blood. I was healing faster than usual and I had my suspicions about my happily glowing moonstone that was still strung around my neck. It belonged in the company of my mother's betrothal necklace, which I hadn't decided to make into a bracelet. Both were healing tools used to ameliorate me from past attacks. They were almost like yin and yang.

"I guess so," I answered. "I do feel better, which is a good thing."

Suiya nodded, trying to look happy and involved.

"Oh, yes. That's great. Hakoda would be glad to know that you're doing better." As she mentioned my father, my breathing hitched. I looked away as my smile faltered.

"I should talk to him...shouldn't I?" I asked reluctantly, guilt contorting my face.

In my peripheral vision, I saw Suiya shake her head.

"You don't have to if you – well, you know – don't want to. I mean, he'll understand."

I nodded with comprehension , my expression softening.

"Suiya, what did you want to tell me?" I asked, knowing that she was hiding something.

She sighed, resisting the urge to slouch her shoulders.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything." Her eyes moistened. "I wanted this to be a happy visit. One that you'll remember and smile about when you're older. But now you'll probably try to forget you ever came here." She bowed her head, casting her gaze downwards. "I'll understand if you hate me."

My chest squeezed. "Suiya, I don't hate anyone." Maybe the Azkai? "This isn't anyone's fault but the Azkai's. Not one of you are to blame. Especially not you. How could you have possibly prevented the attack?"

"I could have not married your father," she whispered and looked out into the garden. "I could have warned you earlier. You had a right to know."

"You can't change the past," I lectured.

"But I can try to make the future better," she replied, brushing away unwept tears.

I raised an eyebrow.

"How?" I questioned.

"You do know that my family has power in the government, right?" she reminded me. "I can go into a hearing with the Fire Lord himself and arrange meetings with anyone I want. Our government needs to do something about the Azkai, but to them it's just a rumor. They have no idea about the very real danger this group poses. They keep their secrecy by threats and violence. Those who are cowards dare not speak out against them, and those who are heroes do so and die. This gang scars people for life."

I thought back to Aang's scar running down his arm and shivered. I wondered what would've happened to me if the Blue Spirit hadn't come.

"What are you suggesting?" I asked, trying to follow the path she was leading me down.

"I'm suggesting that I take you to the Fire Lord's palace right now. I'm asking if you will stand in front of our leader and tell him exactly what happened to you that night. Every detail, with no omissions." I winced. That would mean revealing the Blue Spirit. "You will tell him what this group has done to you and show him your wounds. He would believe you. Our new Fire Lord is a good man who doesn't act without evidence. You have perfect evidence." Her eyes pinned me down as she awaited my response.

I tried to gulp air through my tight throat and my palms felt damp with perspiration. "Why...why can't Aang do it?"

"Aang has…trouble…admitting that he's been hurt. He feels it makes him look weak and people would doubt his strength and protection. In a time of uneasy peace, people must retain their hope and trust in the Avatar. The three nations are united through common faith in him. You, however, could tell him without risking the destruction of peace," she explained. I trembled and stared at the floor, my emotions on edge. She had a valid argument but I didn't know if I could reveal the Blue Spirit. Maybe I could say that they made an exception to their usual ways…that they wanted to make a warning and not a statement. My fingers felt cold and my bottom lip quivered. Suiya sighed sadly.

"I'm sorry about making you remember whatever horrible things they did to you, but this is the only way it can be stopped. If it helps, you won't be alone. We'll bring along Sokka and if you want, Aang. We could even bring along Hakoda. I don't want you to feel more uncomfortable than you would ever need to." I avoided meeting her eyes as she pleaded with me. "Please, Katara, I can make it happen, but I need your permission and involvement. I want to protect future victims. I want to protect you. You just need to let me do this for you."

I shut my eyes and shook my head.

"I need time to think," I answered, opening my eyes and unsteadily meeting her gaze for a moment. "I – I don't even like to think about what they did."

Suiya nodded, chewing her lip. "Okay. I'll be inside while you make your decision. Just please consider my offer. It would really make a difference." She stood up and left without a second glance, making her way through the garden with her usual graceful stride and disappearing into the house.

I mulled over what she had said. She was right. It would benefit the world if I did expose the Fire Lord to the cruelties going on in his nation. It would relieve the weight dragging down my mind and if Aang were to listen to my account, it would fill up the gulf currently between us. He would know what happened, and I would no longer have to keep things from him. But that was also the downside. Everyone would know about my being rescued by the man I didn't even know. The Blue Spirit. They would doubt my sanity and ability to recognize what is bad and good for me. I had no idea who he was. But he made me feel better about the event. He reminded me that I wasn't dreaming. He assured me just by breathing that someone was on my side. Without him, I would be held captive, numb and alone, in some remote and unknown place – or worse yet, dead. I couldn't even think about the fate I may have suffered.

And I wasn't ready to leave behind all that I held dear; additionally, that list of people special to me was beginning to include the Blue Spirit.

I didn't even know why I was being this defensive about him. If anything, I should be scared of him. He could be a psychopath. He could be a criminal. Or worse, he could even be working for the Azkai.

I shook my head. I refused to believe that he, above all people, would hurt me. He just wouldn't. He had been so gentle when carrying me from the scene of the attack, as though he thought the merest touch might make me shatter. He was willing to help me understand him, he was always so patient when he listened to me and he always looked at me with an almost kind (but otherwise unreadable) gaze. He would never harm me, and the more I thought about him, the more human he seemed to become. The slight tremble whenever he held my hands, the reluctance in letting me assist him, the awkward moment before carrying me up to my room: all seemed like signs of a normal young male adult, maybe even a teenager.

But they had never met him. They wouldn't know these small details. Like a normal family, they would automatically assume the worse.

I sat there for a few more moments, trying to mingle the two arguments roaring in my mind. I finally came to a conclusion: I would tell my story to the Fire Lord, but leave out the Blue Spirit.

But my mind stumbled over another obstacle, a difficult question that Aang had already asked me. I had been unable to answer it then and I doubted my ability to answer it now. How could I have escaped on my own? Even Aang had trouble defeating them, and he was the master of all four elements and he had access to the Avatar State. I had the fighting skills of a pillow. And despite being a waterbender, I had proved to myself that I couldn't even manipulate a jar of ink without exhausting myself. I would never have been able to bend given how terrified I had been.

I held my head in my hands as I struggled to think clearly. I couldn't lie in front of the Fire Lord himself. It would only make things worse with Aang. Suiya would have taken me to the palace in vain.

My chest was uncomfortably tight and my throat was starting to ache. I couldn't pull this off. I would have to tell the truth in its pure, untainted entirety.

I'm sorry, Spirit...

I stood up and wavered slightly before regaining my balance. I trembled as I walked across the gazebo and out through the garden. The sun was beginning to sink through the clouds and begin its short journey to the west, making me quicken my pace. The Blue Spirit would come only at night, so I had to be back before the moon reached its highest peak.

I climbed the stairs of the porch and dragged my feet begrudgingly against the varnished wood. My stomach felt ten pounds heavier than it had before, and my throat felt swollen. There was no other way out of it.

I pushed open metal framed doors and uneasily walked into the mansion. The house glowed in a red aura, somehow looking more like sunset than midday. I walked past theater masks, ancient weapons, and pictures of Fire Nation officials that I couldn't name. I kept my eyes downcast, circles of pain and lead-heavy pressure throbbing from underneath them.

I twisted clumsily into the room where Suiya was sitting behind a mahagony desk, studying a crème colored paper etched with the gentle curves of Fire Nation script. She looked up at me and blinked in surprise at my appearance.

"Katara? Are you okay? Do you feel ill?" she asked, rising slightly and widening her eyes in concern.

"Get Sokka, dad and Aang," I stated with clipped words. "I need to see the Fire Lord."

A/N: Sorry for not updating for so long. I've been so busy, tired, stressed, and tormented with writer's block. I had to wrap this chapter up quickly so it lead into chapter nine, but I promise Zuko will make is grand and memorable appearance in the next chapter. I know some of y'all have been missing him thoroughly. I have too, but chapter nine will have better timing for his introduction. Till then, enjoy the wonderful days ahead!