Hi peeps. I am so so so sorry that I took such a long time to update. I was really busy with school and project work and I really had a hard time planning the story.

Anyhow, i've encountered some difficulty writing this fanfic in this format. And I know that my work is not really good so i would like to thank everyone who have read it.

Lastly, I would like to apologise for this chapter. I know some of you have waited quite a while for this, but this chapter is really short compared to the rest. But please enjoy, as always. (:

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Skye

Nothing is working out the way I want them to. There are demeaning stares whenever I walk by, tons of paperwork to do, even more interrogations and my skills drastically dropped. I can't even last a few hours of zanpakuto training without being out of breathe! Not to mention the night patrols and the increasing number of hollows that popped out of nowhere. Life's really a bitch. And before I forget, nowadays Byakuya keep giving me those stares that make me shiver with…desire? Something is wrong with me.

"Urgh!" I collapsed on the ground, feeling disgusted with my sweat glistening body. Why am I so weak?

"You're really contradicting yourself, baka." Hotaru no Hikari laughed.

I growled. "A while ago you were complaining how everyone only looks at your strength and how you hate my powers."

"I'm starting to forget about them." I said to no one in particular.

"Who?"

"You know."

"Isn't that a good thing? That's what your sister wanted anyway."

"I'm not supposed to forget about her! She needs to live on, in my memories."

Hikari groaned. "Are you blind? Don't you see? This is not about her! Forget her. Forget about your ex. Can you think about yourself, even for a moment?"

"Fuck you!" I screamed. Willing myself to stand, I gathered all my strength and activated bankai. In a flash, Hotaru no Hikari materialized in front of me. NO matter how many times I see her, I still can't help but awe at her beauty. She takes on a human form, with hundreds of fireflies surrounding her.

Ignoring my previous insult, she continued. "How many times do we need to have this conversation in order for you to get it through your thick skull? You are the one living in your memories! You are the one trying to hold on to them! You are the one who can't remove your guilt. You are blaming yourself for things that are not yours to blame. You are a pathetic soul, Skye. I feel sorry for you."

I tried to hit her with my sword, but she just danced away gracefully, avoiding all my hits. Frustrated at my failed attempts and fueled by her words, I screeched at her. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I don't care about what you think of me, but you have no right to lecture me on what I should or should not do. I am the one who killed them. I am the one feeling the pain. I AM THE ONE SUFFERING! So don't you go about asking me to forget. You have no right."

"I am you." Hikari gaze pierced into my eyes. "I have been feeling your pain, every minute, every second. Even when you are sleeping."

I felt as though she was looking at my soul, trying to save me from darkness. Finally opening my mouth, I whispered, "Then you should know better than to ask me to forget."

I tightened my grip on my sword and continued lashing at her. Front, Backswing, defend, side. As I practiced the moves that I am so familiar with, she raised her hand. As if on cue, my sword stopped moving. I can't control it. I narrowed my eyes. Finally getting my full attention, she sighed. "It is time to let go, Skye. You have a bright future ahead, look forward. I have to bring you back from the darkness. After all, I am the zanpakuto of light."

"That's your explanation?" My tone filled with sarcasms. "I am the sword of light?"

"You do not understand. I cannot have an owner like you. If you continue with this mindset, your life would be tainted. I cannot serve someone like you, Skye. When that time comes, which I hope not, the inevitable will happen." HIkari's stare softened, almost pleading.

I frowned, confused about what she said. The inevitable will happen? Unknowingly, I voiced out my thoughts. Before I can take them back, she answered, "I can't allow you to use me anymore."

Everything comes to a standstill. I can't hear anything else, only my erratic heartbeat which is beating even faster than before. "What?" I choked. Hotaru no Hikari is my sword! She can't just…she can't…

"You can't forget, Skye, that even though we are one, I am still a zanpakuto. I survive, I adapt, I am not supposed to hold any emotions for my wielder. Especially so when you will be using my powers, my light to fight. How can I entrust my light to a person living in darkness?"

Stepping back, I shook my head. "So I am not worthy of your power. I'm sorry to disappoint you then, I am not someone that you should serve."

I bit my lip to hold back a small cry as I walked out of my secret training grounds. "I cannot serve the person you've become, Skye. Think about what I've said."

Choices, choices, choices. I hate them. Why did Hikari give me a choice? I don't know. I have been trending in the gray area all my life, how can I make a decision between two things that are very dear to me? I have been with Hikari for so long that I forgot about what she said when I first activated her. 'my allegiance to you continues unless you dishonor my light. Remember that and don't lose yourself. I look forward to working with you.'

Strangely, I don't feel angry with her anymore. I felt that I've let her down. I've lost myself so deep that I can't find my way out anymore. I've broken her trust in me long time ago, and yet she stayed until now. Staring blankly at the ceiling, I thought of my zanpakuto that I've thrown to the corner of my room as soon as I arrived. My past is what defined me, and my future is what will define me. I smacked my head. Why must she make my life difficult? I am at the losing end for both choices. Hikari knows that. I turned towards my sword.

She gave me choices for a reason. Inevitably, choices are sacrifices for us to give up something we want in exchange for something that we want more. I just have to figure out which one is more important.

Byakuya

I have been taking particular notice of Hikari recently. She looked…frail. And it pains me to know that she has been hiding them. After observing her for some time, I discovered that she loved to hide things. It's as though she can only trust herself.

"Ohayou, taicho." Barely glancing at Renji, I walked towards my own desk, mentally preparing myself for the long day.

"Skye says she's not coming today." My eyes pricked at her name. Masking my excitement, I asked indifferently, "Why?"

"Not feeling well, of course. As if anyone here would skip work and face your wrath." Renji mumbled the last part.

Not feeling well? Shinigamis rarely get sick. Right now, I probably should be disgusted at Skye's weakness and immediately order a transfer for her. I do not need weaklings in my squad. But somehow, I can't bring myself to think this way.

Not knowing what else to say, I left for the captain's meeting.

Renji

"Taicho is really frustrated nowadays. He keep worrying about Hinamori chan but refuses to acknowledge it when I ask him. That brat!" Taking another sip of sake, Matsumoto continued, "He should just confess to her alreadyWhy must he make his life so difficult?"

"It's still their problem anyway, you shouldn't mind his business, Matsumoto." Ikkaku commented.

"Whatever. They don't look compatible anyway."

"If you have nothing nice to say, Yumichika, then shut up!"

"But it's true! Momo's too tall for Toushiro taicho."

"You bastard!"

"Oi, stop it! If you want to fight, go somewhere else."

"Renji! Why are you staring off into space?"

"Renji!"

"Abarai kun, there's a hot girl coming towards you…"

"Abarai Renji, if you continue ignoring us, I'm gonna tell everyone about your failed seduction techniques!"

Hearing that, I suddenly snapped into attention. "You promised, Matsumoto!"

"Who did you seduce, Renji?"

"Yeah, how could you neglect mentioning that to us?" Ikkaku grinned slyly.

Matsumoto tapped the table. "Now now, stop torturing him. I have other questions for him. What are you thinking of, Renji? Is it a girl?"

I reddened at what she is implying. "Wha- you…Of course not!"

"Then what ARE you thinking about? You only look this serious when you are on the battlefield." Matsumoto insisted.

I signed. "Fine, you must never mention what I am about to say to anyone else. No one, am I clear?"

"Yeah yeah, tell us already."

Inhaling deeply, I rushed through my words. "IthinktaicholikesSkye."

After a few seconds of silence, I am bombarded with questions again.

"Huh what?"

"You speak like a bullet train, idiot. Say that again!"

"Hey it's not my fault you have a reaction speed of a turtle." I defended myself.

"Baka you…"

"Shut up, all of you!" Matsumoto's shouted. She turned to me, eyes gleaming. "Now now, what makes you think that?"

I think it's a miracle I can still hear. "Well, taicho is acting weirdly these days, especially when I mention Skye. This morning, when I informed him that Skye is sick and therefore not coming to work, he actually looked at me and asked why! And he didn't refer to her as 'weak' or 'she is not worthy of this division' or shit like that. I just have this feeling that he's worried for her in his own weird way….Or it may just be me being oversensitive…"

Slamming her hands on the table, Matsumoto announced excitedly, "I KNEW IT! That Kuchiki hottie is infatuated with our little Skye all along!"

Finally realising what we are talking about, Ikkaku and Yumichika literally dropped to the ground.

"Wait wait, what do you mean by you knew it?" I narrowed my eyes at Matsumoto.

Smiling mysteriously at me, she said, "Well, let's just say it's a woman's intuition." Matsumoto grabbed a bottle of sake and headed to the exit. "Good luck explaining to the boys."

I groaned.

Skye

One thing that I've learnt in my life as a shinigami – everything needs courage. Every step we take, every battle we fight, needs courage as an anchor to pull us back to who we are. Too little courage, you get cowards, who ultimately die; too much courage – overconfidence, which also eventually results in death. Whatever path we take, we must tread carefully. There is no distinct right or wrong, black or white, love or hate. They always exist together. Always. Crossing over to either side, well, good luck to you.

Admittedly, I am wasted talent. I don't have enough courage, be it during battles or in my daily life. Everytime life throws a knife at me, I dodge. I have courage, but not enough. It's not enough to help me through it all. And because there is never a right and wrong, I don't know what to think.

Knock. Knock knock. Chanting a simple kido spell to prepare myself, I immediately rise up from my futon. As soon as the door opens, I narrowed my eyes and released the kido.

Byakuya

This is the first time in years I am doing something without a reason. Walking through my division's barracks, I contemplated on what to say when I see Skye. I haven't done that either, ever since Hisana's death. Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing myself, I knocked on her door. After a few tries, I know that she is not responding. Perhaps she's resting. It took me another few seconds to decide whether I should just enter her room, and that was the worst decision I've made this week.

I was fortunate enough to shunpo away from her kido, just in time to compose myself and give her a condescending look.

"Taicho!...gomen..." She looked at me, wide eyed. "I didn't…I should have sensed your reiatsu.

Gomennasai.,,I don't have time to grab hikari…It's all my fault…"

I cleared my throat. "Do you have any idea how many times you have attacked me?" She blushed and looked away. "Why is your zanpakutou not with you? As shinigamis, we must be alert all the time."

She looked tired. As usual, she seems deep in thought. Patiently, I waited for her to speak.

After a long time, she said. "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't keep everything to yourself." I said, leaving for the door. She's still cautious of me.

"Taicho…I have something to tell you." I hesitated at the door.

She stared at the starless sky with that faraway look in her eyes. "I don't have many close friends, but when I care for someone, I will be loyal to them until the end. I don't have the courage to leave them behind, even when they betrayed me. I would hate them, yes, but I would also hate myself for feeling such hatred towards them." Turning to face me, her eyes pierced through the indifferent look I have. It held so much emotions, so much sadness, and anger, that I suddenly held an ounce of respect for her. Suppressing all these feelings for so many years, that is the strength I have never believed existed in her. "That was what happened between me and Taeda."

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