Hiding My Masked Affection

spockjasperlokizukowriting

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

First update in months. I apologize for typos.

12

"You accepted?" Sokka spat, eyes wild.

"Wow, Sokka, I'm so sorry to devastate you that the Fire Lord invited us personally to his private Fire Festival celebration," I huffed, rolling my eyes and moving my piece forward. "What with disgusting Fire Flakes and all."

"I don't know, Katara, I'm kind of with Sokka on this one," Aang said timidly. "I thought you were super mad at...well, everyone on the council. One for be jerks, and two for being..." He caught Momo's hand as the lemur leaned across his shoulder to take a piece to chew.

"Jerks," Suiya finished, effectively taking one of Sokka's pieces. "Check."

I bit my lip, rolling my eyes at Sokka's red face. "Yes, I know, jerks will be jerks, and all, but he seemed so sincere. Like he was legitimately sorry for the attack, and he did mount a full-scale investigation." I leaned an elbow on the low-rise table. "He convinced the council on my behalf to try and at least prove what happened. The Azkai haven't gotten away with anything now. And his uncle is just so nice..."

"Who? The pudgy man who smells funny?" Sokka whined, stealing one of Suiya's pieces with a snarky triumph.

"Yeah, General Iroh," Aang smiled, inching one of his pieces towards mine. "He's a nice guy. Was the only one in the Fire Nation for the longest of times."

"Yeah, but I think it's good that Zuko has opened up to us," I grinned, swiping Sokka's Knight in one fell swoop. "It'll look good for him to be this generous to someone from the Water Tribe."

Sokka quickly shifted his piece across the board, inhaling roughly. "Katara, I'm sorry and with all due respect, but what is wrong with you? Zuko is being a politician. You squawked about something that upset the balance of his precious fire-power and now he's doing what he's only good for now- pandering! When everyone else finds out about the attempt on your life, he'll need you to vouch for him and say that he's a good guy and he's keeping everyone safe."

"Sokka," I glared. "You are overreacting."

Suiya bit her lip, glancing between us. "Listen, yes, Zuko is pandering, and yes, Katara accepted without consulting us first, but everything considered, Sokka, it might be safer for Katara to spend a few days on Ember Island."

"Safer? She isn't safehere?" Sokka grouched.

Aang positioned a piece before Sokka's King, wrinkling his nose but nodding, fighting with Momo over a stolen piece. "You know, that actually makes sense. If Zuko does find anything out about the Azkai, and it confirms that they're real, he'll crack down on them hard for all the mysterious killings and attacks that he'll be able to link to them. And when that happens, they'll come after Katara for setting him on their trail in the first place. They already tried to kill her once. Perhaps until this all blows over, you know, it might be safer to spend several days at Ember Island."

"It's not a permanent move, Sokka, or a solution, but they've definitely helped my argument," I persisted, smiling as Suiya knocked over Aang's king. The crack of his forehead hitting the table sounded painful. "You're simply overreacting."

Suiya smiled at Sokka affectionately. "It'll be a good thing. The Fire Festival is one of my favorite times of the year. The decorations, and the lights and fireworks, all the colors, the food..."

Sokka knitted his brow. "The...food?"

Her eyes twinkled. "The food's the best part. Fire Flakes and Chai Tea and goose-chicken smoked over an open-air grill kindled by a bender."

Sokka fought hard to keep his shaking jaw locked. "Well, I...I guess it perhaps...maybe, might be worth, you know... Just one try."

"Just one," I grinned, my shoulders slumping as Suiya pushed a compromising piece onto my board.

"What'd you think of the Fire Lord this time, Katara?" Aang wondered. "You see, he's a nice guy."

"The...you know, scar," I started, feeling odd talking about it. "I remember it being so awful to look at when he came to take you away. And then in the council chamber, it kind of looked like a sort of make-up trick, to have this look of fire on this face. But in person on a normal day when he wasn't too stern or trying to be menacing, it just made him look...damaged."

"He's petty royalty, why wouldn't he be?" Sokka grouched, flicking a piece across the board.

"He's expressed personal interest in you, Katara," Suiya added. "It's truly an honor. Hardly anyone has the Fire Lord's personal attention nowadays."

Aang cast a downward glance. "Yeah, personal..."

I suddenly felt a little defensive. "I- he- he's just being polite and diplomatic. You know, now that I think about it, it'd make more sense if Iroh told him to invite me. Or it was a decision based on the council. Or whatever. How special."

"It's still a big gesture," Suiya asserted, sliding her final piece forward to eliminate me from the game. "Ember Island is a special place for a Fire Festival celebration. Only regulars, meaning nobles and royals, to Ember Island get to go. You are neither. You'll experience the wealth of the Fire Nation in a whole new light, all in the greatness of three short days."

As long as those three short days sounded.

Pale moonlight stretched down onto the stone balcony and I extended a leg down the railing, teetering delicately on the edge, gripping the cold marble with white knuckles. I felt so heavy and betrayed by my own weight, scissor-sharp pains darting through my palms as I clambered onto the sculpting of the outside wall, slipping down from the balcony while precariously slinking to the soft, wet earth. The night air felt warm, a golden glow rising around the crater of the volcano while the canopy of blossoming trees engulfed me, the perimeter walls extending towards a starry, dark sky. It felt beautiful, but all too painful when my fingers suddenly slipped and I plummeted the remaining five feet to the ground.

My knees buckled while dirt stained the fabric over my butt. I panted, heart racing in my ears while I pressed my sore palms to my stomach. That was too close.

I forced my shaking legs to a stand and sprinted forward, out into the maze-like pathway I knew would lead to the gazebo. The gravel and grass mixture underfoot crunched and whispered. I was nowhere near as silent as the night, my black hood the only thing that camouflaged me. The feathery blue hem of my dress pooled between my legs as I found my way down through garden, deep in a small aura of plants and soft, echoing cries from the Fire Festival parties down in the central city. The gazebo was bare, even as I circled it more times than I cared to count. No Spirit. My breath felt too slow for my racing heart.

Nothing in the bushes. I parted leaf after leaf but the branches of the trees were bare. I glanced back towards my balcony, but it was too dark to see.

"Spirit?" I whispered, holding still for the night.

A firework burst in the distance and I jumped, clutching the hem of my hood, teeth clenched. No, just a firework. The red and yellow stitched across the horizon.

I swept down the wooden stairs and followed the pathway to the gate, two bored palace soldiers lazily strolling down the cobblestone street, speaking in faint murmurs that died as they reached the corner of the lane, disappearing back into the slumbering city. Slipping forward, I tested the metal lock on the gate, which remained firm as my fingers twisted and pulled, neutral between quivering hands.

I forced my trembling lip underneath the pressure of my teeth and angrily scolded myself to be calm. The Spirit was out there tonight. And I was going to be safe.

I pressed my back against the gate and stared into the deep dark, catching my breath. "Spirit!" I pleaded between gritted teeth. Another firework burst and popped from down across the crater, light flashing on the still palace city.

My heart squeezed as I remembered last night, falling between buildings in explosions of colors and heat while people cheered. While the people were euphoric in the only sense of national pride they had left. The sudden hunger be there once more overtook my common sense.

My fingers ran along the slippery metal surface of the webbing veins of iron and steel that patterned in the shape of an opening cherry blossom, the family emblem of Suiya's father. When I found a gap wide enough, I squeezed myself through and fell out onto the street, shoulders first. I rolled onto my stomach and pushed myself up, shaking fingers nearly uncontrollable now. The darkness was all too familiar now- these dark streets, sleeping in a merciless stupor, a cold indifference that nearly choked me a week ago as I lay on the stones, thinking to myself surely that I was going to die...

No. No, no, no! I bit down my lip and buried my shaking hand into my armpit, pursing my lips and stiffly forcing my weak legs forward. The bare streets gave way to only the sound that I made at the festival at the bottom of the mountain. Nothing, the sky glistening in an otherwise empty world. Nobody was following me, I was alone.

The palace city was quiet. Too quiet. I strode down the sidewalk and watched the patterns in the walls, the reliefs on the red tile that curved around pointed roofs. Dim beams and shadows stretched as the night wore on and a chill soon left my teeth chattering and my skin pricked though sweat raced down my temple.

Something stirred behind me and I jumped, slapping my hand over my mouth, flattening against the wall, half-expecting a figure in black to lunge out and pierce me with sharp, frigid claws. But the moonlight glared off the street and I remained alone.

I relaxed when a prevailing silence assured me that my ears were lying, but my hand continued to shake. Nothing forced it still but the pressure that wound my hand into a tight, clenching fist. I staggered down the sidewalk, halting when I got to the corner that lead down into a dark alley.

I collapsed against the wall, the heavy weight of the thought that I actually had no idea where I was hitting me with an impact that nearly crippled my ability to walk. Light flashed down onto the street then faded, an echoing crowd roaring with spirit.

"Katara, move your feet," I growled, jellylegs trembling while I strained. "Time to move, Katara. It's just a stupid alleyway. This is stupid. You're fine. You're fine. It's just stupid darkness, and you're just working yourself up, because it's dark, and maybe a little freaking scary. Just...just move."

My feet stumbled forward when a pair of hands wrested me from the street and dragged me into the alleyway, and as I gasped and fought only the collision with a thick, hot chest brought me with a sharp slap to my senses.

I sobbed with relief and without thinking pushed myself into the Spirit's arms, locking him into a hug. He startled, gloved fingers leaving my arms and instead reflexively shooting to his broad shoulders, to the hilt of his swords. I pulled back when I realized how confused and uneasy I had suddenly made him and flipped back my hood, blood rushing to my head while my heart felt ready to explode.

"Dammit, you scared me!" I accused, gasping for breath and clutching my moonstone, fingering the tender ball of power hanging down my chest, the fabric hot. "I thought you were...thought you were..."

The Spirit's hands momentarily lowered, still hanging in shock, head and body turned to the side, eyes hollow while his mask grinned a puzzled smirk.

I tried laughing but it didn't sound like anything. My eyes stung.

"Gods, I'm sorry, I should've stayed at the house," I fretted, wringing my hands in my cloak. "When you didn't show up..."

His hands dropped and he folded his arms, shoulders hunched and affronted, almost as if reprimanding me of something, defensive, like when Sokka thinks something could've killed me.

"I know, right, so stupid, Azkai and all," I forced out, piecing my broken smile together. "I definitely could've been killed. But you would've came in and saved me at the last minute anyway. It's what you always do."

His posture hardened.

I pursed my lips. Wrong time for humor. "Oh, sorry...Forgive me?" I tried weakly.

A change of heart took him and he relaxed, stepping back to shyly rub the back of his neck, head lowered as he avoided my gaze.

The moment seized me and I laughed, any fear I had gone at the sight of his bashful pose. His shoulders shifted in confusion, glancing back towards me.

"You remind me of a young Avatar I happened to know," I chuckled, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "But you can't be him, because you're simply too tall. Or maybe it's Sokka who does that."

His massaged the back of his neck but self-consciously dropped his hand to his side, breathing deeply and silently before offering the considerate hand back to me.

I slipped my fingers into his firm, hot grasp. "Where are we going tonight?"

His chest heaved in anticipation, slipping down beneath my arms and pulling me up onto his back. I instinctively held onto his shoulders, the Spirit testing my grip once before leaping up into the air and onto the rooftops. He leaned down and sprinted, gliding across the curves, the soft rasp of tiles slipping out underfoot. Then my stomach dropped and suddenly we were midair.

I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut, the thud of landing slamming my chest uncomfortably on his strong, sinewy back. I grunted, tightening my grip across his neck. He flexed his shoulders, my stomach churning as I felt his every muscle contract and extend against my skin. I gritted my teeth as he adjusted me forward on his back, leveling himself steadily. We dashed forward and then suddenly we were in the air again, blindingly fast as we were held suspended in an arc, climaxing too quickly and landing with a heavy collision.

I squeezed my eyes shut, the air ripping at my dress and cloak, hair tearing out of the bun I had set. Fleeting arcs in the air suddenly felt impeded by drag, but he somehow pressed forward. With only a few jumps made and a dizzying slide down the final roof, we reached the edge crater, the houses ending to give way to a graveyard of black stone and sulfuric, smoked soil.

The Spirit dashed between rocks, conscious of the body on his back as he dipped down into a small alcove surrounded by obsidian black spires, the air heavy with a smog that filled my lungs and burned. He bent forward and let me fall sideways, balancing me on my feet.

I released a held breath and gasped, the blood rushing to my head suddenly. I didn't remember flying in his arms feeling so sickening.

I bent over and held my stomach, staring at the ground while I groaned. "Ugh, okay, wow, just, give me a moment," I managed between pants, holding up a finger.

He made a motion towards me but hesitated, glancing up to watch more fireworks pop and burst down by the ocean. The waves of cheers from distant crowds resounded in the jagged alcove.

When the churning feeling in my stomach subsided I glanced up to find him watching me, hunched in curiosity.

I smiled. "What?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, moving to take my wrist. I hesitated, wary of riding on his back again when he held up a finger for me to wait, slowly leaning down and slipping a hand beneath my knees, pulling me up and cradling me to his chest. He glanced down towards me, shoulders tensed in anticipation. Better? I imagined him saying.

I bit my lip through my grin. "Better."

Light grazed the black sky and the entire street lit up with the cheers and smiles of the Fire Nation people, the glaze of bronze, red and blue chasing stars across my vision, the light seeping through the holes in my mask. I felt my mouth dropped and I cried in approval with everyone else around me, my arms only weighted by the feel of the heavy black cloak on my shoulders.

I turned and laughed, the Spirit gazing quietly up at the sky. Only he seemed calm in the crowd.

I giggled, nudging his shoulder. "Come on, where's your sense of fun?"

He glanced down with a sarcastic air.

"Yeah, right, like I can't start having fun now," I grinned, rolling my eyes and giving a delighted shriek as another firework cracked over the rooftops.

Another wave of laughter and joy rippled through the audiences and the shrill sound of music filled the air, people ahead of us moving with the newfound beat, circles of dancers parading across the cobblestones, fire-breathers launching jets of flame towards the high-strung street lanterns while circus acrobats flipped and twisted in the air.

I laughed, a hand pulling me out of the way as ostrich horses drove through, people dancing on their backs. The Spirit pulled us both to the edges of the sidewalk while the parade kept time with the music, people dancing and cheering and applauding.

"Woo!" I cried, grinning at the little girl next to me who copied my actions. A firebender swept down with his troupe, kicking outwards to flash a jet of flame towards another, who carried the flame onwards to the next person, trading off in a symphony of color and light. I gasped in awe at the brilliant showmanship. I had never even come close to anything that felt so lively and animated. I swayed with the crowd, only the still Spirit grounding me with reality.

But I couldn't think of these people are Fire Nation in the heat of the moment, my mind whirling with the color and adrenaline as pretty girls waltzed through with their dance partners, tossing pink blossoms and grinning towards the sleazy men ogling at their all too perfect figures.

I smiled, cheeks warming as one danced up to me and handed me a small bouquet, her counterpart jumping in behind her. A voice cried above the audience, "Free choice!" All the handsome young men shot for a beautiful partner while the male dancers swung female crowd members onto the street.

A brilliant smile caught my eye in a flash of white teeth and a young man appeared before me, offering me his hand with a cunning smile. I laughed and accepted, only to feel the slightest tug on my dress released as he spun me forward and out onto the street. I lost the image of the Spirit's disguise mask in the crowds of unfamiliar faces, my heart thundering while my partner moved like lightning, appearing and vanishing at my every side with the practiced movement of a master. His hands slipped around my waist and he practically carried me around, jolting this way and that in the action of the music. Breath escaped me quicker than I could catch it- he was too fast for my current skill. I suddenly felt awkward dancing when the music peaked and the drums carried out a solemn beat down the stone street, and my partner wound a forceful, strong hand about my hip and pulled me onto a traveling stage, feeling too high above the crowd as hands grasped the air and a new salvo of cheering thundered.

An announcer dressed in yellow clambered onto the stage, all show and smiles as he bellowed, "Ladies and gentlemen! Happy Fire Festival!"

The cheering was overwhelming, my ears aching in the sudden noise, but I was too run through with adrenaline to have any rational thought. I was on stage with a gorgeous man next to me while the other dancers piled on in the background.

"And now the East Harbor Bay Traveling Circus would like to present to you the Rescue from the Fire Dragon!" he continued, and another sensation of approval thundered through the air.

The dancer soon lifted me onto his shoulders, releasing his hands to let me balance gingerly, smiling and laughing with the girls who melted at the show of strength.

"We have here a beautiful maiden; the most beautiful maiden in the land of the Fire Prince!"

The dancer let me fall swiftly to the ground, positioning me on my feet when he suddenly ripped off his shift to reveal a beautiful gown of gold and white, ochre eyes flashing as he kneeled and gave my hand a dainty kiss.

"They are so in love and destined to be married- all is as well as they have hoped," the announcer crooned, the dancer pulling me across him and letting me fall backwards, catching me with one hand while gazing with a mocking love in his eyes.

"But it was not to be so!" the announcer cried, the crowd gasping in horror as a flaming dragon pulled into the air and spun over the stage, slipping through the air with a magnetized power and presence that I flinched in fear. The dancer spun me out of his grasp and I was thrown into a chair, ropes appearing around my upper arms that quickly stretched and tightened, securing me till I couldn't move.

The stage hands whisked themselves away as the pretend Fire Prince feigned shock and fear as the dragon burst into an explosion of heat and flame. I winced, cringing away while the stagehands bent the flames downwards and around, slithering through the audience and other their heads. "The beautiful maiden has been kidnapped by a dragon of fire!"

The fire coagulated and lengthened to stretch into the shape of a dragon once more, and the beady, glowing eyes flew straight towards me, mouth open and fangs glowing in an ethereal, deadly fire. I couldn't force myself not to- I screamed in fear, my chest burning.

"Don't worry, beautiful maiden, I shall rescue you!" cried the dancer, running forwards, fire igniting from his palms while the dragon circled upwards and then shot down towards me.

Suddenly, I wasn't on the street anymore. I was lying on the ground, blindfolded and gagged, weak and powerless, drained of any semblance of who I was when the heat of flame collapsed down towards my shoulders and erupted around my body, the wave of blistering fire coursing down towards my body. I cried as I saw cruel golden eyes bearing down and the hollow scream of pain flashed through the air. I struggled to move but I was bound too tightly. There was no one out there to save me. No one.

A black figure flashed in front of me and shot his palms upward. The flames melted down around the scene, my dress nearly scalding in the fire when the heat and light suddenly collapsed and hit the stage with a burst of smoke that choked me, the crowd screaming fear, the announcer and dancers scattering- the world was suddenly chaos.

The ropes binding me suddenly cut and loosened and I was seized by powerful, frightened hands, pulling me into an unrelenting, hard embrace The torridity of flame broke from my skin and I was forced down to the ground, my stomach dropping as I felt myself being carried from the air and down, cool stone flattening against my back as I was laid back, my cloak and mask torn from me.

Lights flickered in my vision and I coughed, covering my mouth while I sat up, worried fingers wiping frayed hair from my cheeks while a dark presence and muffled screams of confusion and horror resounded in the background. I blinked furiously, opening my eyes just in time to see the vague form of an unfamiliar mask be removed and thrown away to reveal a guise of white and blue.

I smiled, eyes watering in the smoky air and coughed, thumping my chest and grinning weakly, the stench of soot stuck deep into my clothing while my grimy hands fumbled on the starch fabric of my blue dress.

The Blue Spirit grabbed the cloak he had torn from me, wary of the burnt edges as he draped it over my shoulders, kneeling before me, a reassuring hand staying my trembling shoulders.

I choked through a small laugh, grinning like a dumb fool, the feelings of the cruel memory quickly subsiding. "Guess they weren't e-expecting that, were they?" I stammered, convulsing in a new round of coughs.

His shoulders slumped in a gentle slope and his fingers tensed on my arm, staring at me with such intensity that I paused, quickly falling silent. I furiously wiped my eyes and my face, smiling softly and sincerely. "Spirit...I'm okay. I'm alright. You shouldn't worry about me too much. I was probably really...safe..."

I fell quiet when he stood up and turned around, crossing his arms and curling his shoulders inwards, facing away, back towards the end of the dark alleyway in the Northern Markets, watching night, still even when the fireworks started again.

The thought crossed my mind and I my face fell, smile weak as I shakily stood, keeping an open palm against the wall of the house. "Spirit..." I started slowly, feeling somber and hidden amongst the tall buildings of stone. He remained motionless.

I inhaled, turning around and glancing out towards the golden glow of flame on the shoreline, visible between the empty, dark houses that lined the edge of the market and marked the edge of the northern docks, curving and glazing over the waters of the bay. I crossed my arms and hugged in heat.

"Spirit, when I spoke with the Fire Lord the other day, at the meeting, after I told them that you saved me... Zuko said that people were afraid of you- that you were an outlaw." I peered over my shoulder to gauge his reaction- he remained still, quietly so, so still and statuesque that my heart gave a small thud.

I glanced back towards the distance. "I could never believe that you're a bad person- you've been the kindest to me that anyone has in my entire life, but it makes me wonder... After everything you've done for me... Why?"

The Blue Spirit held still. The beats dragged on and I quietly began to muse whether I would get an answer at all. Then, haltingly, he faced me once more and closed the gap between us. I stiffened for a moment, unsure of his intentions when he grabbed my wrist and brought it between our chests, shucking my sleeve back to reveal my mother's betrothal necklace, the cold stone gleaming in the moonlight.

He then loosened his glove at the wrist and parted the sleeve back over marred, milky flesh, whitened in an ugly, circular scar that slipped down from the back of his hand and disappeared across his forearm. He held his wrist straight, keeping it parallel with mine. The resemblance made my eyes widen and my mouth gape with shock.

I glanced up to meet his blackened gaze, when a pair of fingers extended and touched my heart, barely grazing the skin when he then retracted his fingers back and tapped the cloth above his. With his other hand he flattened his palm against mine and brought our hands into view, his long fingers able to curl slowly over the tips of mine.

"You...and I...are similar..." I slowly pieced together.

He nodded, quickly hiding his wrist from view with a few fleeting movements before touching a finger to my chest again, tracing the shapes of a character over my heart.

I frowned, concentrating, forming the image of the sign in my mind when I exhaled. "Protect?" I asked.

He dipped his head in resignation, reaching behind his back to tap the covered, lowered hilts of his Dao swords.

I gazed back, blinking, lips parting. "You protect people," I breathed. "Everyone- you protect everyone from the Azkai. Because you know that they're real. You're the only one who knows that they're real."

He nodded once.

My breathing pace suddenly quickened, the entire notion of what he was doing dawning on me. "Wait- then- you spending every night with me... No, that's shirking your duties. You're supposed to protect everyone!"

The Spirit suddenly animated, but I loosened his grip on my wrist and shook my head. "Gods, it was selfish of me to make you promise to come. I'm just one person! You need to be out saving everyone else from a genuine threat! You can't spend all your time with me!"

The Spirit shook his head, a little panicked in his motions.

"No?" I breathed, exasperated. "Why not? Because if it's because it makes you feel like a Fire Prince protecting his beautiful maiden then you're doing it for the wrong reasons."

That caught him off guard. He paused, chest heaving up and down before he furiously shook his head for a final time, prodding my chest with his finger until I kept still, hurriedly tracing another character. I watched as he finished, frowning back up at him.

"I survived?" I surmised, eyebrow raised. "I survived? That's why you stay with me? But I wouldn't have survived had you not come. I wouldn't been another victim- that's all I am! Another victim! I'm the only one besides the Avatar to escape, but that doesn't make me special-"

I paused and gasped, because it did make me special. What Aang had said earlier- it all now made sense. Why the Spirit stayed with me, why Ember Island was a good idea. Because the Azkai had attacked with the means and will to kill- the Blue Spirit had foiled that plan but they fought hard. It took a near murder of their leader to fend them off. And after all the deaths of their prior victims and the multiple attempts on Aang's life- it all fell into place. The Azkai wanted me dead. They didn't make warnings, they made statements.

The Blue Spirit was waiting with me because he knew that the Azkai would try again.