A/N:
These are getting a little harder to write, but I'm still with you.
Thank you to What The Fun for prereading and to all readers and reviewers :) I love hearing from you.
"The way things turned out, I don't need to tell you. Miss Emily Norton was no Rosebud."
"It didn't end very well, did it?"
"It ended."
- Mr. Bernstein & Thompson
April 4, 2010
Bella
"Who was your first boyfriend?" Edward asks, the question seeming to come out of thin air.
I'm not too surprised. I've learned that no topics are off limits during our Sunday morning bubble.
I run my hands over my pajama bottoms while we sit cross-legged, not quite wanting to get out of bed.
"There was only really one. In high school."
My mind goes back to the summer spent in Jake's garage, watching him work. Stealing kisses and drinking room-temperature soda.
He was warm, with lips, and I was a 16-year-old girl who read magazines with quizzes and tips. It was inevitable, but not very magical.
"Jacob was a year younger than me. Our dating mainly consisted of holding hands for a few months. It really wasn't much."
I have to fight back my blush as I say the words. I'm not even sure that applies to this conversation, but I'm counting it anyway so I feel less embarrassed about my inexperience.
Looking at Edward's face, I see that the twinges of jealousy have mostly evaporated after my dismissal.
"What about you?"
"What?" He looks startled.
"Who was your first girlfriend?" I ask, bracing myself for the answer.
"Oh, you don't want to know about that," he says, trying to sound confident. Despite his attempt, I can still hear the plea in his voice.
What? No way.
"You can't just ask me about my first boyfriend without fessing up, yourself," I insist playfully. "Who was the first girl you called yours?"
A few seconds pass, and he doesn't say anything. While my stare is questioning, his is bordering on annoyed. He clearly didn't think of this result when he asked his question.
I fiddle with my hands, wondering if I should just drop it, but now I'm curious. And it's only fair.
"Fine," he concedes, breaking eye contact. "Her name was Susan. I called her Suzy."
I try not to note that little detail.
"Why did you break up?" I ask tentatively, hoping he won't get more upset. I'm relieved when his answer is nonchalant.
"She went to a different school."
"For college?" I guess, not convinced of the timing.
"No," he frowns, studying my face. "For second grade."
I try to hold back my laugh, but it's futile.
"Elementary school aside," I amend. If we were supposed to go that far back, I would have counted Tyler.
He hesitates, taking my hand so he can play with it instead. His fingers glide over mine gently, touching every other nail.
"I didn't call anyone else that until...you."
His voice is an odd mix of embarrassment and pride.
"Ever?" I ask, having a hard time believing that someone didn't snap him up.
"No, not at all."
I've never seen him so self-conscious.
"But you..." I start before thinking better of it. I really don't need to know about that.
While there were obviously girls in the years between Suzy and myself, at least we were the only ones with that special title.
Despite the fact that he's halfway through his twenties, I'm not very disturbed by this information. I'm actually relieved that this puts us on a more level playing field.
"That's okay. At least now I know you're not pining after an ex, right?" I say, trying to lighten the mood.
He seems surprised at my casual acceptance.
"I worried you would run away once you knew. Isn't that some sort of red flag?" he asks, drawing on his knowledge of females.
"I think we're past the red flag stage, don't you?"
Maybe we always were. All I know is that he could have as many red flags as China, and I still wouldn't care.
"So you don't think I'm weird?" His forehead is still crinkled with concern.
"I didn't say that," I tease with a grin. "But you're no weirder than I am."
He finally smiles.
"Come here," he requests, moving his hands away from his legs.
I climb onto Edward's lap immediately, wrapping my arms around his body.
He murmurs something soft, but I can't hear it. I'm not sure I'm meant to.
It's nice to be comforting him for a change. I don't even try to keep track of the passing time.
We're both silent aside from our breathing, accepting this as the natural end to our conversation.
While I'm concerned about the reason why he didn't attach himself to anyone, I don't want to cause him any more stress. That question can wait.
I tighten my hold, not allowing myself to think of the women who have had him in ways that I haven't...yet.
It doesn't matter. He's with me now.
Edward turns his head so he can give me a quick kiss, making me smile.
And I'm the only one with his heart.
July 31, 2010
Edward
I stop for a moment, hesitating before I ring the bell.
Looking around me as I wait, I take in the carefully gardened walkway that's complete with a vine and trellis.
This suburban address isn't what I anticipated at all; I expected to travel to the heart of the city. Somewhere more exciting.
Instead, I'm surrounded by picket fences.
I hear someone approaching from inside, spurring unease in the pit of my stomach.
I shouldn't be here on my own; I realize that. But I didn't want to waste Marcus' time if this ended up being a false alarm.
It's such a long-shot...
The door swings open before I have time to rethink it, and I'm greeted by bright hair and crisp clothes. The young woman looks at me while I stare back with curiosity.
Both of us are completely still and silent, waiting for the other to start. There's surprise in her expression, but no visible fear.
I tuck that information away for later.
"Tori?" I ask, hoping to unfreeze her.
She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind. It's an action I know well.
"Sorry. It's just that no one has called me that in over a year."
"Back to Victoria, then?" I ask lightly, passing her once she steps aside.
"Yeah. I thought it was time for a change."
I nod in acceptance, trying to commit that to memory.
While I'll aim to call her Victoria to her face, I can't help but still refer to her as Tori in my mind. This visit is strange enough; I don't think I can handle her name being different on top of that.
We walk side-by-side to her living room, awkwardness existing where words should be.
I look around as we pass through a few rooms.
There are no pictures that I can see; the house is no more personal than a furniture catalogue.
It's also extremely neat and sparse; I'd be surprised if she has a roommate. The number of possessions hardly seems enough for one person. And the driveway only had her familiar car in it...
She gestures to the couch, selecting an armchair for herself. We sit down, facing each other in silence.
"It's nice to see you again," she finally says, smiling slightly.
It takes me a moment to respond, to return the sentiment.
Her politeness - feigned or genuine - is unexpected. But then again, I don't know exactly what I expected to find here.
Simply an angry ex-fling, or something worse?
Could she have Isabella locked in the basement?
Does this house even have a basement?
I pull my hand through my hair, scratching my scalp with my nails.
I need to get a fucking grip.
"I wanted to talk to you," I claim, trying to keep it together. "I know we didn't part on the best terms."
The first statement is more of an omission, but at least the latter one is true.
She sits quietly for a long time before speaking, her voice confused.
"Is this part of an AA step or something?"
"What?" I gasp, stunned by her assumption. Disjointed questions race through my mind, the least of which being how she even knows about that stuff.
She shrugs, looking a lot more relaxed than I feel.
"You know, when you go apologize to the people you've wronged. If it is, that's cool. I understand."
"No, it's nothing like that," I mumble, still shocked for some reason. I don't know why I'm surprised by her guess. When I broke things off with her, I was definitely heading down that path.
"I've actually calmed down a lot since we last saw each other." I'm proud of that fact, if nothing else.
I never have more than one drink, and I'm not so harsh at work. I'm also no longer the prick snapping up joie de vivre, stealing it from others because I don't have it myself.
I try not to be, anyway.
Tori nods with camaraderie, like we're in this together.
"Me, too."
I don't respond, wondering if that's really true. Judging by her conservative home and appearance, it would seem so. Her modest clothes and neatly pulled-back hair are a far cry from the Tori I used to know.
I study her openly, remembering that she is an open book.
In the past, Tori always wore her thoughts and emotions on her face; lying was a lost cause for her. Faking confusion and casualness would be impossible.
But if that's the case, why am I still here?
If she has zero acting skills, she clearly doesn't have anything to do with Isabella's disappearance. She's just as harmless as the last time I saw her. It's just that this time, there are no tears.
I rub my forehead, feeling the guilt eat me up.
God, the tears.
Emmett was right all along. She did care, more than either of us realized.
I have to say something about this, both for the sake of my conscience and for the sake of this ruse. I've regretted my actions for a long time; I've never been completely heartless. And she needs to see a more innocent, surface reason for my visit.
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
While I simply came here for information, my apology is genuine.
"A weekly meeting didn't make me say that; I just wanted to tell you."
Tori doesn't say anything, waiting for me to continue. I pause, trying to find the right words.
"I'm kind of...messed up," I confess, having no better way to describe myself. It's not an excuse - merely an attempt at an explanation. God knows she deserves one.
Tori shakes her head, smiling slightly. "Don't you think I knew that?"
She shrugs at my surprised expression, looking down at her lap.
"I knew what I was getting into." She looks up, making eye contact again. Trying to get her sentence to stick.
Her words should make me feel less like a villain, but they don't. I doubt that Isabella completely understood what she was getting into.
She knew part of it, I think.
Though deep down, I know I wasn't completely honest; I didn't want to scare her off. It was selfish, but at the time, I couldn't let myself regret it. I couldn't let us end before we even started.
Tori's voice breaks me out of my wayward thoughts.
"But thank you for the apology. I appreciate it, even though I've already moved on."
Her words are airy and bitter-free. It's rude of me, but I have to wonder when she became so mature.
She's being entirely too understanding, not even seeming suspicious.
I wonder if she thinks I'm making other stops as well, like some kind of tour. "Visiting girls from nights past," or a similar, fucked up title. Just the thought is mortifying, but I can't tell her the real reason of my visit - that I fleetingly thought she might be a criminal.
I quickly search my mind for possible topics, eager to change the direction of our conversation.
"Did you finish school yet?"
Tori answers right away, seeming to appreciate the effort.
"Yes, I graduated this year. Right now, I'm a communications intern for Seattle Children's Hospital. The pay is nonexistent, but I wanted the experience."
"I'm glad. Well, not about the pay, but...you know what I mean."
She grins at my fumbling. "I know what you mean."
The silence lingers for a moment too long, serving as a testament to my small talk skills. She continues anyway.
"I hear your business is doing well."
"We just acquired a major tech company," I offer, trying to sound enthused.
"That's great."
I don't reply, having used up all my positivity.
"Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"How are you doing?" she asks gently, her smile faded. "I heard about what happened. I'm sorry she left." The last part is barely audible.
I accept her sympathy, raising up my shoulders in a pathetic half-shrug.
Maybe I should be offended by her assumption, but I'm not. After the way I treated her - the worst of which I probably don't even remember - I can't blame her for thinking Isabella ran.
After this failure of an investigative visit, I definitely agree with her.
"I should probably go," I say quietly, deserving an odd look. We've barely spoken at all, but I can't stay. Not now, when there's no chance of finding Isabella here.
She gives me an apologetic expression instead of a glare, getting up to show me out.
My eyes don't snoop around when we walk back to foyer, choosing to focus on my feet.
I avoid her scattered shoes as we approach the door. She opens it, leaving enough room for me to fit through.
"I'm sorry for dropping by like this," I murmur truthfully, embarrassed.
I feel ridiculous that I even suspected Tori. She was a bit clingy, sure, but never malicious.
My instincts led me here, but they were obviously wrong.
"Sorry for everything, actually," I add somberly, with more regret.
I try to manage a smile, but it doesn't work out very well.
Tori's attempt isn't much better.
"Not everything works out," she says in conclusion. Her previous nonchalance is there, but she's clearly hanging onto it with desperate fingers.
I nod in agreement, understanding that far too well. If I ever decide to write down my life story, that'd make a very apt title.
Tori pauses, appearing unsure of whether she should say more. After waiting for a moment, I turn away, thinking that she decided against it. My embarrassment hasn't faded any, and I'm in a hurry to leave.
I've just stepped onto the walkway when she reaches for my arm, gently imploring me to turn around. I jump slightly at the unexpected contact, glancing at her questioningly.
She takes a deep breath, steeling herself for an unknown feat.
I glance down at her hand with unease. While it's no longer touching my skin, it's sort of hovering there. Resisting the contact...resisting past habits.
Her hand drops down before I can react further, and it clings to the other for support. She sighs, ruining the effect of her big gulp of air.
I fight back my impatience and anxiety, wanting to at least offer her closure. This may be the last time I ever see her, even if it's through no conscious decision of my own.
Despite my good intentions, I still find myself searching for a distraction. I instinctively step on the smudges of potting soil, smearing them. The dirt resembles broken charcoal against the stones.
I'm about to start drawing unidentifiable pictures when she speaks, drawing my focus back to her face. The words are soft yet determined, as if she's wanted to say them for a long time.
"You're not a bad person, Edward."
Her blue eyes are bright and relentless as they try to convince me of something I've never been sure of.
"I'll always believe that...even if you never loved me."
A/N:
Tori is mentioned in the 2008 moment if you'd like to reread it.
...
Edward and Emmett at bar - August 20, 2008 (Chapter 18)
Meet at diner - November 22, 2009 (Chapter 2)
First date - December 6, 2009 (Chapter 3 and 18)
Edward visits Emmett in Forks - December 18, 2009 (Chapter 18)
Edward sleeps at Bella's for the first time - December 18, 2009 (Chapter 13)
Cockblocked by Benny - January 16, 2010 (Chapter 6)
Bella tells Edward that she loves him...when he's asleep - January 30, 2010 (Chapter 8)
Bella cries after burning surprise breakfast - February 14, 2010 (Chapter 10)
Talk about God / forever - February 21, 2010 (Chapter 18)
Humorous handjob and "Marry me first" thought - March 7, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Proposal jitters - March 26, 2010 (Chapter 21)
Talk about past relationships - April 4, 2010 (Chapter 24)
Ice cream run in Forks / Talk about Edward's family - April 4, 2010 (Chapter 20)
Rose and Bella's conversation before shopping for wedding dress - April 9, 2010 (Chapter 21)
Packing up Bella's things in Forks / Bella's family photo - April 10, 2010 (Chapter 7)
Pick out house - April 15, 2010 (Chapter 9)
Prenup discussed after a night out - April 17, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Marry - April 30, 2010 (Chapter 18)
Arrive at Nice, France for honeymoon - May 1, 2010 (Chapter 15)
Delayed "wedding night" - May 2, 2010 (Chapter 19)
Honeymoon moment in Sospel - May 4, 2010 (Chapter 7)
Honeymoon beach makeout - May 5, 2010 (Chapter 15)
Bella's drunken moment in Nice - May 7, 2010 (Chapter 19)
Bella's hangover moment in Nice - May 8, 2010 (Chapter 23)
French lesson in Nice - May 12, 2010 (Chapter 20)
Amusement park (back in Washington) - May 22, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Edward takes a photo of Bella - May 23, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Dandelion wishes - May 23, 2010 (Chapter 12)
Edward's lunch break with Alec and Heidi - May 27, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Bella tells Sue about 365 project - May 28, 2010 (Chapter 8)
Bella's lonely phone call to Jessica - May 28, 2010 (Chapter 12)
Bella stays home instead of going to club - May 29, 2010 (Chapter 14)
Edward misses gallery date - June 11, 2010 (Chapter 10)
Bella pretends to be asleep - June 12, 2010 (Chapter 14)
Edward's birthday party - June 20, 2010 (Chapter 13)
Edward plans carnival date - July 7, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Breakup - July 12, 2010 (Chapter 17 and 18)
Meet with lawyers - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 1)
Last time Edward saw Bella - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Bella about to leave home - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 20)
Bella pulls over - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 22)
Bella wakes up - July 18, 2010 (Chapter 23)
Edward comes home - July 18, 2010 (Chapter 23)
Edward sees newscast - July 20, 2010 (Chapter 1)
Edward is interviewed by Mike - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 3)
Edward hires Marcus to investigate - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Edward messes with Mike - July 24, 2010 (Chapter 5)
Edward finds Benny in bedroom and breaks down - July 24, 2010 (Chapter 6 and 7)
Sue tells off Edward - July 26, 2010 (Chapter 9)
Edward finds 365 project - July 27, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Edward meets with Rosalie - July 28, 2010 (Chapter 12 and 14)
Edward's meeting with employees - July 29, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Edward at bar - July 29, 2010 (Chapter 18 and 19)
Edward gets ready to stay with Marcus - July 29, 2010 (Chapter 21)
Edward and Marcus talk in guest room - July 30, 2010 (Chapter 22)
Edward visits Tori - July 31, 2010 (Chapter 24)