A Code Geass fanfic. I own nothing.
A sequel to The Funeral.

~ Truth or Lies

I Hate You

Zero was walking down the hall, away from the meeting hall. He hadn't been excused. But he'd left anyway. He could not speak anymore, could not explain.

I don't want to explain!

Why had everything been left for him to deal with anyway?
His voice would betray him, especially after hearing that awful conversation between himself and Lelouch again. The pain, the shame, the guilt, the anger.. he didn't even know what emotion they would hear. But they would hear something that weren't the voice of a outsider.

That conversation between him and Lelouch had been the turning point for him. He had had doubts before, yes. But that time, that was the first time that he really felt what it was like to be used, to be used by Schiezel.
It was that more than anything that had convinced him that he had to walk a different path. And that path had led him to Lelouch.

He walked a little faster than normal, to any person who did not know Zero from other than the television wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Other than his fast walking nothing seemed off, nothing seemed out of character. That was one of the blessings of the mask. Nobody could see the tears in his eyes, the cape concealing his shaking shoulders. Yet. He had left just in time, refusing to say anything else.

He did go against Nunnaly wishes. He knew that. But to stand face to face with Lelouch's old comrades, that hurt. They had turned him into Zero. As had the Britannians. God he hated them. All off them. Their incompetence drove Lelouch to do what he did. His own as well.

He hated himself. He hated himself for crying, he hated himself for being dead and yet alive.

He slammed the door to his small room, tore the mask off and threw it away before sinking down on the bed, shaking. He couldn't breath. His body panicked.

It had been some time since his last break down. He cried, swore and hurt himself. He did anything he could think off to get rid of the pain in his heart and soul. A strangled scream, muffled by him curling himself together while grabbing his head hard with his hands, nails ducking into the skin and drawing blood.

The blood ran down his face together with his tears, from where his nails had torn his skin. He stared at the blood, feeling the odd calm settling in. He had never understood how self harm could make you feel better.

But, strangely enough, it did. He stared at the blood on his hands.

"I hate you, Lelouch." the words left his mouth, just as they did every night.
Every single damn night. All he could do was to whimper 'I hate you' to a dead man.

He hated himself even more because of that.
And yet, he couldn't help it. The pain in his heart transformed into anger for a few seconds before the guilt took over again.

He smiled, a bitter smile as he stood up.

If the world could see Zero now..

He had to clean up before Nunnaly needed him again.

Because, despite all his self loathing, despite how much he hated himself for what he did in the past, and for living on a lie in the present, he was still needed.

Perhaps that was the true reason he yet again hadn't ended his life when he had the chance.

Or perhaps I'm just a coward.

In the conference hall there were a stunned silence.

After he'd finished the recording Zero had placed it on the table in front of Ohgi, bowed to Nunnaly before leaving without another word.

".. what.." Kallen cleared her throat. "What do you think he meant? This was the truth?"

"The truth of what?" Villetta pointed out. "The truth of the war, the truth about Lelouch, Kururugi, what?"

"It was about Lelouch." Ohgi said, softly.

"We always knew that Lelouch, that Zero lied to us. That was the reason we turned against him. And when we heard that recording, we assumed that was all there was to it. But we never realized that.." he stopped, looking Nunnaly.

Her eyes were bright.
"Big brother promised me he would never lie to me. And yet he did. But.."

"He lied.. about lying."

Shortest chapter yet. I guess I could've made it longer.. but I'm glad I didn't.
Self harm looks gooooood on paper.
I've the next couple of chapters all in my head, and can't wait to write them down.

But I'm busy busy. I've to go to work this Saturday (hurray) because of.. I don't know. Anyway, work means long trainrides which means lots of time to think about the next chapters.

So, in a way everybody win. Because I say so.

Also, I think that when the story is finished I'll rewrite it. I'm not satisfied with some of chapters.