.
"You really like me, though. Even though you don't know who I am."
"Oh, I surely do. You've been wonderful."
"I'm glad you do."
- Kane & Susan
December 12, 2009
Bella
I walk faster, trying to catch up. Half of Forks' inhabitants seem to be on the bustling, closed-off street.
Even though I'm in a hurry, I can't help but appreciate the holiday decorations around me.
White balloons and silver garlands glimmer under bright street lamps. In the dark spaces separating the old-fashioned beacons, tea lights sprinkle the wide walkway with enough light.
I take in a deep breath of winter air, suddenly feeling a lot more festive. Instead of meeting their tacky potential, the annual decorations always let me imagine I'm in a snow globe.
Well...maybe a snowless snow globe.
The playful tenor of my thoughts shifts as I reach Edward, a more serious feeling taking hold. While I'm now used to the strange fluttering in my stomach, he's still a little intimidating.
His friendly face soothes some of my nerves.
"Did you see the roasting chestnuts?" he asks, clearly unable to hold in his excitement.
I nod, having to smile at his awed expression. While his cocky assurance is what drew me in, this sweet man I met on our first date is much more endearing.
"I'm surprised you haven't been to the festival before. How long has your brother lived here?"
"A few years, but I haven't come to Forks very often."
I stop fussing with my gloves, wanting to give his explanation my full attention.
Quiet conversations buzz around us, but he doesn't offer any more information. His bright eyes have dimmed slightly, making me feel a little guilty, but I reluctantly let the subject go. I don't know him well enough to pry.
As if just now remembering what he's holding, Edward looks down at his hands, seeming happy to have a diversion. He holds up the two sticks of cotton candy, politely offering me first choice.
"I like both flavors, so I bought one of each. Would you like blue or pink?"
I glance between the colors experimentally, unable to decide. My thoughts are still a little muddled by the topic change.
"I don't know," I finally concede. "You pick for me."
"Okay...pink."
My eyes automatically dart to his other hand, the alternate option looking far too tempting.
"I think I'd rather have the blue. Thanks."
Offering a thankful smile, I take the sugar-covered stick before turning back to the path.
I take a big bite of blue fluff as I take a few steps, thinking of where to go next. Mr. Weber's holiday decorations sound good. But when I start to ask Edward for his opinion, I realize that he isn't following me.
I turn around, spotting him in the same place as before. He almost looks like a statue, standing there next to the rows of hot chocolate.
The sweetness on my tongue dissolves, leaving room for harsher realities.
Did I scare him off so quickly?
I'm in the middle of reviewing my actions when he snaps out of his daze, easily catching up to me. He searches my face, probably trying to determine if I'm joking.
"What...Why did you ask if you didn't listen anyway?"
"I did listen. I just did the opposite."
He frowns at my poor choice of words, and I hurry to explain my logic.
"If I can't decide something, sometimes I just ask someone else to choose. Then if I feel disappointed with the result, I know that it's the wrong choice."
I shrug at the simplicity of my often-used trick. I fleetingly hope my reasoning didn't sound too weird, but it probably did. Normalcy has never been my strong suit.
To my relief, Edward doesn't seem hurt or offended. He's not even giving me odd looks.
Well, his expression is a little odd. Indulgent is the best way to describe it. Like I just said something adorable.
But I don't want to be adorable. That's a word for puppies and kittens - not potential love interests.
Uninterrupted by my newest debacle, faceless neighbors swiftly sidestep us, making their way to the next attraction. A little girl laughs as she runs past our stilled bodies, making our silence all the more noticeable.
Edward is probably expecting me to elaborate, but my mouth is glued shut, determined to save itself from more blame.
I stare intently at my shoes, frustrated and embarrassed by my frequent bumbling. Will I ever be able to get past this awkwardness? Being unable to say what I feel, ruining potential moments...
A light hand suddenly settles against my waist, steadying my nervous thoughts. Even through my coat, I can feel each finger mold to me, sending sparks to my skin.
My gaze quickly moves from the hand, to the sleeve, to his shoulder. To those eyes that always see too much of me.
Then Edward is less than a foot away. Looking at my mouth with a determined expression, pulling me closer...
I know what's happening, but my question is still alarmed.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to kiss you." He makes no apologies.
I quickly glance at the surrounding crowd.
"But people are watching."
"I don't care."
His gaze never leaves my face. I'm not fooling anyone; we both know the crowd isn't causing the majority of my anxiety.
He gently brushes my cheek with his thumb, as if promising he will be careful with me. Sharing his need to try this out - try us out.
All the while, giving me ample time to flee.
I lean into his palm, agreeing with actions instead of words. This isn't anything like the scenario I imagined as I stayed up late this week, dreaming up images of tonight.
But there can be no dodging this time, no running. It wouldn't be fair. Not now, before he knows that I want him to chase me.
Before I can second-guess this, Edward easily erases the gap between us. From there, everything happens so fast.
Two hands on my face instead of one.
A last intake of breath, then none at all.
Lips not as soft as mine, but way more confident. Not nearly polite.
My earlier reluctance dissolves into nothing as my fingers weave through his hair, trying to pull him closer. Not wanting to let him leave.
I don't care that the air is cold, or that a dozen of Forks' residents will be talking about us over their coffee tomorrow morning. The thought of this moment ending is painful.
As if sharing my thought, Edward moves one hand to my waist, his fingers flexing in search of something unattainable.
The strong blend of confidence, vulnerability and eagerness is addicting.
My head is getting lighter and lighter, but the delightfully fuzzy feeling isn't enough to make me stop. I've never had anyone kiss me like this before...like he has a right to. Like he needs to.
My hold on his hair tightens, blindly asking for the abstract concept of more.
He teases my bottom lip in response, and I start to wish we could stay here forever...an embracing, snow-covered fixture in the center of town. An unchanging testament.
Instead - much to my disappointment - his mouth steadily slows, becoming more gentle. Resembling the start of an embrace instead of the end of one.
He withdraws until all that's left is a lingering brush of lips, all shy and soft and everyday-normal. The kind of kiss a girl could receive every morning and every night, yet never grow tired of it.
I want to be that girl. His...
And that realization means so much more than any brief moment of contact.
As his lips leave mine, the solemn loss of warmth spreads throughout my entire body. Almost immediately, the chill is overpowered by the in-the-clouds feeling that has become so familiar. The sudden dichotomy is jarring.
I open my eyes, needing to see something real.
His face is still so close. It's probably time to lean back, but I'm reluctant to leave our little cocoon. Edward wears a playful smile as he keeps his arms around me.
"We'll probably make the paper, you know." It's more of a joke than a warning, but barely.
Still starry-eyed, I glance at the pastel candy near our feet, just now realizing that I'm clutching a handful of his jacket instead. I can't make myself release it.
My embarrassment isn't as inevitable as I thought.
Resting my head against his chest, I'm only able to feel content acceptance bubbling up inside me.
"That's okay."
July 21, 2010
Bella
I instinctively burrow further under my blanket, fruitlessly chasing the last remnants of my dream.
It only takes a moment to determine where I am, but much longer to accept the answer.
Immediately, my bound hands clumsily push away the patchwork quilt, wanting nothing to do with it.
The small comfort has been ruined by the reality of my situation. A less logical part of my mind even wants to call it an accomplice to the crime.
I look around the dimly lit room, finding little to focus on.
Anything remotely dangerous has been removed, giving it the feel of a toddler's room, but the twin bed is comfortable enough. The quilt even seems homemade, though it's slightly musty.
No one has lived here for a long time.
Not just in this room, but in the whole house. This was clear as he surveyed the kitchen contents.
I struggle to quell the panic growing in my chest, the fear of being completely unreachable. My eyes close defensively, refusing to let the pleasant memory escape my mind.
Or maybe it's an unpleasant memory now. I can't tell anymore, but it doesn't matter.
Even though my dream was cut short, I get the strange sense that it's still playing without me, like a movie reel.
Not wanting to miss another second, I force myself to imagine craft stands and winter gloves, snowless nights and abandoned cotton candy.
After a few minutes, this takes no effort at all.
A/N:
Thanks to What The Fun for prereading and to everyone reading and reviewing. The updated timeline is below.
...
Edward and Emmett at bar - August 20, 2008 (Chapter 18)
Meet at diner - November 22, 2009 (Chapter 2)
First date - December 6, 2009 (Chapter 3 and 18)
Second date at Forks winter festival - December 12, 2009 (Chapter 27)
Edward visits Emmett in Forks - December 18, 2009 (Chapter 18)
Edward sleeps at Bella's for the first time - December 18, 2009 (Chapter 13)
Cockblocked by Benny - January 16, 2010 (Chapter 6)
Bella tells Edward that she loves him...when he's asleep - January 30, 2010 (Chapter 8)
Bella cries after burning surprise breakfast - February 14, 2010 (Chapter 10)
Talk about God / forever - February 21, 2010 (Chapter 18)
Humorous handjob and "Marry me first" thought - March 7, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Proposal jitters - March 26, 2010 (Chapter 21)
Talk about past relationships - April 4, 2010 (Chapter 24)
Ice cream run in Forks / Talk about Edward's family - April 4, 2010 (Chapter 20)
Rose and Bella's conversation before shopping for wedding dress - April 9, 2010 (Chapter 21)
Packing up Bella's things in Forks / Bella's family photo - April 10, 2010 (Chapter 7)
Pick out house - April 15, 2010 (Chapter 9)
Prenup discussed after a night out - April 17, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Marry - April 30, 2010 (Chapter 18)
Arrive at Nice, France for honeymoon - May 1, 2010 (Chapter 15)
Delayed "wedding night" - May 2, 2010 (Chapter 19)
Honeymoon moment in Sospel - May 4, 2010 (Chapter 7)
Honeymoon beach makeout - May 5, 2010 (Chapter 15)
Bella's drunken moment in Nice - May 7, 2010 (Chapter 19)
Bella's hangover moment in Nice - May 8, 2010 (Chapter 23)
French lesson in Nice - May 12, 2010 (Chapter 20)
Amusement park (back in Washington) - May 22, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Edward takes a photo of Bella - May 23, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Dandelion wishes - May 23, 2010 (Chapter 12)
Edward's lunch break with Alec and Heidi - May 27, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Bella tells Sue about 365 project - May 28, 2010 (Chapter 8)
Bella's lonely phone call to Jessica - May 28, 2010 (Chapter 12)
Bella stays home instead of going to club - May 29, 2010 (Chapter 14)
Bella gets ready for gallery - June 11, 2010 (Chapter 26)
Edward misses gallery date - June 11, 2010 (Chapter 10)
Bella pretends to be asleep - June 12, 2010 (Chapter 14)
Edward's birthday party - June 20, 2010 (Chapter 13)
Edward plans carnival date - July 7, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Breakup - July 12, 2010 (Chapter 17 and 18)
Meet with lawyers - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 1)
Last time Edward saw Bella - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Bella about to leave home - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 20)
Bella pulls over - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 22)
Bella wakes up - July 18, 2010 (Chapter 23)
Edward comes home - July 18, 2010 (Chapter 23)
Man unloads cabinet - July 18, 2010 (Chapter 25)
Man references / insults Edward - July 20, 2010 (Chapter 26)
Edward sees newscast - July 20, 2010 (Chapter 1)
Bella wakes up after dreaming of winter festival / first kiss - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 27)
Edward is interviewed by Mike - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 3)
Edward hires Marcus to investigate - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Edward messes with Mike - July 24, 2010 (Chapter 5)
Edward finds Benny in bedroom and breaks down - July 24, 2010 (Chapter 6 and 7)
Sue tells off Edward - July 26, 2010 (Chapter 9)
Edward finds 365 project - July 27, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Edward meets with Rosalie - July 28, 2010 (Chapter 12 and 14)
Edward's meeting with employees - July 29, 2010 (Chapter 16)
Edward at bar - July 29, 2010 (Chapter 18 and 19)
Edward gets ready to stay with Marcus - July 29, 2010 (Chapter 21)
Edward and Marcus talk in guest room - July 30, 2010 (Chapter 22)
Edward visits Tori - July 31, 2010 (Chapter 24)
Edward asks Heidi and Alec to look at employee list - July 31, 2010 (Chapter 25)