Author's Note: Can it really be? An update? After two whole months of nothing?! Yes. PMC has finally found the time to get some work done. Finals are coming up and studying has taken up most of my time and energy, so writing hasn't been a priority really...
First of all, there is a time skip in this chapter from November 3rd to December 16th.
Secondly, happy holidays everyone!
Hiccup sat at the desk in the spare bedroom-turned-office with a notebook open in front of him. On it he had written a simple list. He bit the end of his pencil, a habit his mother had chided him about for years, and slouched over the page.
Talk to Mom, donate bags, call Meredith about leasing apartment, he read. Short and sweet. He thought for a minute before adding ask Astrid about plans to the end of the list. Then he read it again with a frown. He scratched out Astrid's name with the pencil before sighing and scribbling out the whole list and tearing the page out of the notebook. He crumpled it up and tossed it in the trashcan next to the desk.
Hiccup leaned back, the chair creaking softly, and stared up at the white ceiling. He could hear Astrid moving around in the bedroom through the thin wall separating the two rooms. Something slammed into the wall and she swore. Hiccup winced but didn't move to help. There was no point. The door would still be locked and she would turn him down. Again.
He didn't know what to do anymore. A month ago he had thought they were in a good place. She was happy; he was happy. They had been closer than ever and then something just…snapped.
More and more exams had suddenly come up and she had to spend more and more nights hunched over her books. She even stopped meeting him for coffee after a while. And then they had gone to the hospital and that little hairline crack in the glass had exploded, leaving them to pick up the few tiny pieces left, and that was nearly impossible to do without leaving with bloody, throbbing fingers.
They lived in the same apartment yet he could barely remember the last time he had spoken to her face and not through a locked door. She always had some excuse to avoid him it seemed. 'Oh, you ordered pizza? I already picked up an extra shift at Kelley's tonight. Sorry babe.' 'I really did want to see that movie but I have finals coming up. You know how it is.' 'I really don't feel like going out tonight. My neck has been bothering me all day. You go without me.'
Hiccup didn't know what it was. At first he had thought it was just her way of grieving for the baby, but after a few days the sudden crying episodes had stopped and she had returned to normal for the most part. Or so he thought.
It hadn't been easy for him either. He needed her and he knew that, deep down, she knew that she needed him too. He hated having to fight through it alone while she had given up and let the grief consume her and turn her into a different woman. She wasn't his Astrid anymore. Every move she made was against him. He didn't know her at all.
The door opened and something was dragged down the hallway. Hiccup sat up and pushed the chair away from the desk and stood. He followed her.
Astrid stood hunched over a notebook in the kitchen. A gray wool coat hugged her frame and her blonde hair was pulled back into a pony. Her back faced him as she furiously scribbled something down and dropped the pen before reaching for the black wheeled suitcase next to her. She pulled the handle up and turned, her lips parting. "Hicc…" she started to call, but the rest of his name was caught in her throat as her gaze landed on him.
"Where are you going?" Hiccup asked. He crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling frozen in their small kitchen. Or maybe that was just the cold air she was giving off as her eyes looked anywhere but him.
"I'm going home. My mom called last night and they want me to be there for Christmas," Astrid said. "Maybe you should consider calling your family too."
"Astrid...why didn't you tell me? I mean, this isn't something you hide from people," Hiccup asked.
Astrid sighed and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "I thought it would be the best thing to do. Quick and easy. I mean, I feel like...like I'm suffocating here." Hiccup opened his mouth to speak but she beat him to it, her right hand rising and falling back down to her side. "I know it's not easy for you either. Trust me, I do. But I need a break," she said.
"What are you talking about?" Hiccup asked.
"I feel like I'm making things harder for you by sticking around," Astrid said as she leaned against the counter.
"No. No you're not making anything harder for me. I don't understand." Hiccup shuffled his feet as he spoke, his eyes trained on a black scuff on the wall behind her.
"I'm sorry. It's just a lot, okay? And you're not exactly being supportive either…"
Hiccup's green eyes flashed as they lost interest in the wall. "I'm not being supportive? I've tried to talk with you, Astrid! I've asked everyone. No one knows what to do anymore. You're like...like a ticking bomb that could go off at any time. But did I ever complain? No! Not even when you chewed my head off for the tiniest, most ridiculous things!" Hiccup said. "And you think I'm suffocating you. Well I'm sorry, Astrid, that I care about you. Maybe I should just leave if you feel that way."
Astrid was silent. The black suitcase sat at her side, forgotten. Her blonde fringe tumbled into her eyes as she bent her head forward, eyebrows pulled together, but she made no attempt to move it.
Anyone else would have thought that she was crying.
But Hiccup knew better than that. His lips became a hard line as she scoffed, shaking her head slowly.
"You're an idiot," she said quietly. Her words seemed to echo for minutes after in the kitchen.
Hiccup frowned. "What?" he asked.
"I said, you're an idiot. You're not suffocating me. None of this has been your fault. I just...I need to get out of this city and be able to forget all of my mistakes for a week. I miss my family," Astrid said.
A smile toyed with his lips for a second. It wasn't bright enough to meet his eyes, but it was there for the briefest of moments. And after days of wondering and worrying it was enough for her. A comfortable silence fell over them then. Astrid splayed her hands out on the counter as she waited for it to pass.
"It's not your fault this happened either, you know."
She shook her head. "Don't say that."
Hiccup reached across the counter to touch her hand gently, his fitting over hers like one of the gloves from her coat pocket. "Astrid, just listen to me for once. There's nothing we could have done. And I think, deep down, you know that too," he said.
Astrid finally looked up at him. Emotions were written in clean print across her eyes, and read aloud from her lips. An open book. "I-"
Her phone chirped in her pocket, and she pulled it out. She read the text carefully before putting it back in her coat. "I have to go," she said, reaching for the suitcase. Her arm found his waist as she passed. She started to pull away but he wrapped his arms around her, soaking in her warmth and breathing in the sweet scent of her vanilla shampoo. She mumbled something into his shoulder before pulling away. She gave him a small smile before walking to the door, the black suitcase rolling behind her on four squeaky wheels.
"Astrid?"
She stopped. "Yeah?"
"When you get back, I'll take you on a real date. As long as you promise not to spill hot coffee all over me again," Hiccup said.
Astrid smiled at him as she opened the door. "I would love that," she said. And then she was gone.
Snowflakes drifted lazily from a gray sky as Astrid stepped into the Lambert-St. Louis International Airport. Her hair was plastered to her cheeks as warmth soaked through her clothing, melting away the December cold. It didn't take her long to spot the long line at the check-in counters. There were hundreds of people standing around, some dressed for the tropics while others wore heavy coats and boots.
She checked the time on her phone as she walked over. 8:03 am. Her flight would take off in an hour and 13 minutes, barely enough time to get through check-in and security. But slowly the line grew shorter and shorter until she stood at the front, talking to a man whose silver name tag read 'Michael'. He had a bright smile and a caring tone in his voice, but Astrid took no notice. Her eyes flickered between the boarding pass in his hands and the clock behind him. When he finally handed it to her, she thanked him and dashed off to security.
As Astrid waited in line, a baby held by a red-haired woman in front of her began to wail. A man in the line next to theirs mumbled something under his breath and glared at the woman. Astrid sighed and trained her eyes on the ceiling, willing the employees that ran the security check to work faster.
The mother tried to hush the screaming infant but there was no change. Astrid's hands became fists at her sides. Both the incredible pitch of the wail and the woman's constant shushing were getting on her nerves. Finally she tapped the woman on the shoulder and put a smile on her face. "May I?" she asked, glancing at the baby.
The red-haired woman thought for a moment before handing the baby to Astrid. Astrid smiled weakly at the baby, who quieted as he realized that the red-haired woman was no longer the one holding him. She hummed softly as the line moved forward and took them closer to the gate. The baby reached for a piece of her blonde hair and chewed on it as the red-haired woman laughed. She smoothed a hand over the baby's head.
"Thank you," the woman said. "He's been so fussy all day. His mother has blonde hair and she's the only one who can ever get him to quiet down. We were on our way home today."
Astrid nodded, hearing but not really listening. Her attention had been caught by the sound of the baby's giggle, and she lightly touched his soft blond curls.
"Miss?"
Astrid looked up and found one of security guards staring at her. She handed the baby back to the red-haired woman and proceeded through the security check, placing her things in a bin. It went quicker than she had expected, and she was walking to the gate within minutes. She didn't allow herself to look back at the red-haired woman with the baby, not even once.
It wasn't until she was sitting in her seat on the plane, a book sitting in her lap, that Astrid remembered something. The baby's eyes had been green, emerald green to be precise.
As the plane took off at 9:18, she sank back in her seat, wishing it would just swallow her up. That was her last thought before a welcomed slumber consumed her.
The plane touched down at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport in Minnesota at 10:45 am. Astrid was one of the first few off the plane and wasted no time in walking into one of the shops. She needed to get away from all the noise and people but had time to kill. Her brother wouldn't be there to give her a ride back to the house for another half hour.
Outside, she could see snowflakes falling, if not accumulating quicker than they had in Missouri. She wrapped her coat tighter around herself, feeling cold at just the thought of walking in such weather.
Astrid wandered around the shops and restaurants as morning shifted to afternoon. She purchased a water bottle and took a drink from it before pulling her phone.
Two unread text messages.
Astrid unlocked her phone and read them quickly. One was from Ruffnut and the other was from Heather. Nothing from Hiccup.
Hey when I said I was going to kick your ass at the game tonight, I didn't mean you had to leave. I talked to the nerd.
Typical of Ruff. She sent a reply and moved onto the text from Heather.
Are you okay? I saw Henry this morning at Starbucks and he didn't look so good. He told me you were visiting your family in St Paul. You know you can talk to me if anything's up, right?
A small smile crossed her lips. I'm okay and yeah I know, she typed. She hesitated for a second before hitting the send button.
Her phone chimed again as she was about to power it off. A text from her brother.
At the exit.
Astrid pocketed her phone again before taking off in the direction of the glass doors at the front of the airport. Snowflakes were tiny bits of stars as they fell from the sky and kissed the slick black pavement. She could see Finn leaning against the wall, swinging his car keys from his pinky finger. His blond hair was matted down by melting snow and his face was rosy from the chill. His blue eyes glittered as he looked up at her.
The drive home was comfortable. They exchanged small talk as Astrid gazed at the streets lit by colorful lights that reflected off the snow in a beautiful array of colors. Displays with Christmas trees and snowmen and reindeer were set up in every shop. At the mall she knew there would be an opportunity for children to meet Santa Claus. And she remembered every bit of it from years ago which she had thought she had forgotten. She had stepped into a snow globe and someone had shaken it, leaving the city a glittering winter wonderland.
From the moment she stepped into the house at 334 Autumn Glen Her heart skipped a beat. Everything was exactly as it had been when she left. It was like stepping back in time to her senior year of high school, almost three years ago.
It was almost perfect. She was even glad to listen to her mother rant about her book club while Finn went into the living room with their dad. Her sister, Brenna, sat at the counter across from her, a baby in her lap as her husband chased their daughter around the house. Astrid listened to them gossip for a while, but her mind was elsewhere.
She wished Hiccup was there with her, smiling and making everyone laugh with his stories about Toothless. As much as she didn't want to, she knew that deep down she wished she could fix everything. That's why when she checked her phone again that night as she laid in bed and found no new texts from him, her heart panged in her chest. She thought she had left things on a good note. But what if she hadn't? What if she had just made everything worse?
Astrid stared at the ceiling, illuminated by the soft glow of the lamp on the nightstand, the blankets pulled up to her chest. It wasn't until her sister came in to return a bag Astrid had left in the car that she was snapped from her reverie.
Brenna gave Astrid an odd look as she sat up in bed. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Fine," Astrid said easily as she ran a hand through her hair.
"You sure?" Brenna crossed her arms over her chest. In the dim light she was a young girl again, the slight bags under her eyes disappearing and her blue eyes sparkling. Astrid envied her natural beauty.
"Yes I am. Did you need something?" Astrid asked.
Her sister nodded but didn't look convinced. "No, I just came in to drop this off," she said, holding up a small black bag.
Astrid took it from her and set it on the nightstand. "Thanks."
Brenna offered a small smile and paused by the door. "Goodnight, Astrid," she said softly.
"Goodnight," Astrid called.
As the door shut behind the older woman, she lay in bed, wondering. She leaned over and turned the lamp off before rolling onto her other side. Sleep took her all too soon.
Beside her, Astrid's phone vibrated on the nightstand with an incoming call. It continued to ring until it died a few minutes later, and the house fell silent once again.