The wait was excruciating. They sat in complete silence; neither spoke or even glanced toward the other as they listened to the ticking of a clock that sat on Carlisle's desk as they waited for any news. It felt like days had passed in Esme's mind as she wondered how something so wonderful could go so badly wrong. It was mid afternoon when the door to Carlisle's office opened and to Esme's surprise and relief, it wasn't Carlisle who stood in the doorway. A tall, dark haired and dark eyed man entered the room, his expression passive as he looked between the two women sat there.
"Miss Platt?" The man asked as Esme rose from her seat. "I'm Dr Houston."
"How is she?" Esme asked trying to keep herself calm.
Her hands shook with worry as she stared at the doctor before her. He seemed a little older than Carlisle appeared to be but she felt no reassurance that he knew what he was doing. Carlisle made her feel as if her daughter was in the safest hands possible while this man just didn't seem interested in anything other than getting out of the office. For a moment she wished it was Carlisle stood there, the man had a way to make her feel as if the world was a wonderful place and yet he had been the cause of her pain. Had she never met him her daughter wouldn't have met Edward and they would never have been at that house. Even with that thought at the forefront of her mind she still wished that it was Carlisle stood there, someone trustworthy to give her any news.
"Your daughter suffered some internal bleeding which we have stopped. She required an operation on her abdomen which went well and I would say she will be able to leave in about a week. Keep her quiet and nothing too strenuous." The doctor explained, "She will need check up's and I will take over her care from Dr Cullen."
Esme simply nodded hardly understanding a word he had said. She had no doubt the man was a good doctor and yet she still found herself wanting Carlisle there with her. She felt as if she could hardly face him and yet she so badly wanted him there even if it was just to convince her that everything was going to okay. Her judgement had been wrong again when it came to the male species and now it was her daughter who had paid the price for her indiscretion.
"Can I see her?" Esme asked thumbing the hem of her top nervously.
"Sure I'll show you to her." Dr Houston said motioning toward the door before they left.
Rose stood there slightly shocked by what had been said. In all the years she had known Carlisle; never once had he handed off a patients care to another doctor. After all humans were liable to make mistakes and miss things that Carlisle wouldn't. Rose sat back in the chair trying to figure out what had possessed Carlisle to do something so odd when the office door opened once again. This time it was Carlisle who strode in, the grave and troubled look painted across his face that was plain to see to anyone who cared to look. Even as he collected some papers from his desk and pushed them into a file Rose could see the person who was in the office was not the Carlisle she was accustomed to.
"Carlisle, what are you..."
Her question was met with a simple raised hand for silence as he departed and left her there bewildered. She knew that she could be self centred and oblivious to others pain but this time Rose felt it just as deeply. Kate was something of a rarity, a being that coexisted with a vampire and lived to tell the tale. Esme gave her some hope that there was still a chance at happiness for her, the chance to have a family if not of her own family one that was just as good. Now Carlisle was the one whom she felt was jeopardising that just as Edward had. There had never been another vampire she envied in her entire existence other than Esme Platt. A woman who seemed to have the very thing Rose wanted more than anything else. A child.
When Carlisle returned Rose didn't even question him as he motioned for her to leave the office, the pair walked back to the Mercedes that had been practically abandoned in the parking lot. The stench of blood was overwhelming as Carlisle pulled the door to the Mercedes open though neither made much of a fuss about it. The sky was dark with rain clouds as Carlisle made sure all the windows were down for Rose's benefit.
"Will she be okay?" Rose asked glancing over toward Carlisle.
"Yes. In time." Carlisle replied.
"Why did you sign off her care to someone else?" She asked curiously.
"Because Kate deserves the best care." Carlisle answered gripping the steering wheel tightly.
Rose nodded in agreement to his answer however she still knew that having Carlisle as her doctor would be the best treatment. If she had a child it would be Carlisle who was their doctor because there would be no one she could trust more.
"I agree she does, but why did you let someone else do it?" Rose probed.
Carlisle said nothing as he focused on the road in front of him. His driving was steady as the car turned corners at speed and before Rose could even think about pushing the issue any further the Mercedes turned onto the track for the house. Carlisle knew his reasons for leaving her there, not only would it be easier for Esme but he had missed the obvious. Obvious symptoms that, had his mind not been clouded by the possibility of love and a future that saw him co exist with a woman he might have caught them sooner. In no short terms he had failed categorically at doing what he loved, he had failed at being a doctor. When the car pulled up outside Carlisle set to cleaning it of the blood.
It took him an hour before he was satisfied that the car was cleansed and the acrid smell of bleech was the only one left. Even when he entered the house and the faces of his family who awaited any news Carlisle found he simply couldn't face them. Instead he turned away and headed toward his study. He shut the door as if shutting out the world before he lit the fire at the far side of his office. Despite its destructive properties there was something about watching a fire crackle away in the peace and quiet that he found most relaxing. He took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of old books, ink, leather and parchment as he took another breath and attempted to gather himself.
In the silence of his office it felt like everything had shattered. It was only when the flames began to dance idly in the hearth that he noticed the envelope that lay upon his desk. The handwriting of Edward was unmistakeable with the whirls and embellishments that came from a time long ago. With a trembling hand he opened the envelope that revealed a short few lines. His mind was cast back to when Edward first left the family, how it had troubled him so and caused him to fret over someone he considered a son. Now as his eyes cast their gaze over the words that were written he felt the same loss, the same troubled conscience that caused his shoulders to slump forward in defeat.
He guessed Edward would go to Denali, if there was one thing Edward was not it was a solitary soul despite his insistence of the contrary. Like most vampires they existed as solitary beings, creatures of the night and yet the Cullen family had grown so accustom to living as a group Carlisle doubted that Edward would do well on his own. It was a small comfort to take as he sank back into his chair trying to figure out exactly where he had gone wrong.
The days passed by slowly at first. Carlisle was simply a bystander as his family tried to deal with losing Edward and it hadn't escaped his notice that Rose was quieter than usual. Her opinions were only ventured when strictly needed and with the school term in mid swing Carlisle saw less and less of his family. While his family was at school Carlisle took to pondering over medical textbooks in an attempt to dull his thoughts somewhat but they still kept coming back to three people that meant more than he had realised. As the weeks passed he found he would still look up at his family wanting to ask Edward his opinion or just seek some form of conversation only to be met with the cold harsh reality that he was gone.
Then when the weeks came and went, the moments began when certain things would remind him of Esme. An advert on the TV for a scarf he felt she would adore or a sunrise that reminded him of that morning. Even catching the odd glimpse of Kate around Forks caused a pain previously unknown to surface within him. Alice had dutifully kept him up to date as best she could explaining that Esme was working nights at Carver's Cafe while Kate was working for the elderly pharmacist on the outskirts of town. For some reason the small pieces of information Alice fed him made him feel glad that their life hadn't been turned upside down too much by his family.
Alice for some reason kept up with her informal chats about what was happening around town and it always included some comment or thought about Esme or Kate. That night Alice had informed him she had seen Esme milling around a car show room in town, in Alice's mind the second hand Ford that Esme had looked at was practically broken but Carlisle knew there was an embellishment there. Then as if Alice had somehow managed to put the idea in his head, Carlisle decided it was the least he could do to replace the car that Esme had lost as a way of an apology. In mid thought he glanced over at Alice who simply nodded and mentioned the opening times of the local car show room.
That morning Carlisle set off to find a car. Rosalie had mentioned in passing a few of the safest cars or rather badgered him all the way to his own car with her thoughts and comments on the matter. She recited safety tests and also the comfort specifications to him as if it was a normal conversation. Still as Carlisle walked toward the sales man he knew which car he was going to go for, Alice had mentioned that Esme had wondered around a metallic blue Volvo V40. A car that was far out of a single parents budget but something that was well within the budget Carlisle had set for this trip. In all his years Carlisle rarely indulged in cars, clothes or anything that wasn't strictly needed. Unlike Alice and Rose who could spend over a thousand pounds on one pair of shoes or Edward, Jasper and Emmett who would easily spend that on a spare part for a car or bike Carlisle was more cautious. He only bought houses at Alice's persuasion after they had travelled around their previous abodes. This time however was different, this time it was a gift and an apology and he knew a car would be infinitely useful to Esme and Kate.
It took him less than half an hour to purchase the new Volvo, he left instructions that the next time Esme came to either look at or buy a car he was to give her the keys. He made clear that there was no name to be given out though he guessed Esme would know it was from him or perhaps he simply hoped she would. With that he made his way to Forks hospital, another dull day and no sunshine forecast meant he could spend a full day doing what he loved. For some reason his purchase that morning had lifted his mood as he glided into the hospital perhaps a little too happy for the humans who worked there.
"Good morning." Carlisle said passing front desk as two women gave their greetings before turning their heads back to a gossip magazine.
For some reason he felt the day would be a good one or at least one that would be a little better than the previous few weeks. Once he settled himself into his office Carlisle glanced at the clip board that had been left on his desk with a note. Off sick, had been written in bright red lettering at the top of a list of patients to be seen for that day, it was then he saw her name on the list. Catherine Platt. He wondered if Alice had foreseen it and neglected to let him know or if it was just too late for her to warn him. Still as he walked out into the waiting room the unmistakeable scent hit him, a little like Esme it reminded him of how it felt to be near her. He tried to push the thought from his mind as he reconciled himself to the fact he would be the last person she would probably want to see.
He could only imagine what Esme had said about his family and himself for that matter. None of which he could imagine was good after Edward's little incident, after all trying to kill someone's daughter was hardly a good thing.
"Miss Platt." Carlisle called as he attempted to be as nonchalant as possible.
It was such a human emotion to feel nervous at the prospect of the coming moments and yet it was all he could do to keep his hands from shaking. He knew Esme would have preferred anyone to him at that moment but unfortunately he was the only one there. Still despite what happened when he saw Kate look up and to his surprise she smiled. Carlisle stood for a moment too caught off guard to do anything else as she approached. He could see despite her best efforts she moved with caution which didn't seem to suit her well.
"Hi Doctor Cullen." Kate said happily.
The past weeks had been strange to her, the first thing was attending school and the family of vampires that said they would look out for her could barely stand to be in the same class as her. That morning was still a little hazy; she remembered waking up at the Cullen house and the sight of the river at the back of the house. She remembered how beautiful it was and then nothing. When she had awoken in the hospital her mother was beside her bed in her usual frazzled state, if there was one thing her mother was good at it was worrying. It took her a while to understand that there was something wrong or at least something that was being kept from her. In the beginning she looked forward to Edward visiting her like last time except Edward didn't appear.
Her doctor was no longer Carlisle which she was a little relieved about but in a strange way she missed him. In fact the entire family seemed to avoid her like she had the plague. In the beginning Esme made their excuses, Carlisle was too busy with others to have her on his patient list while Edward was having trouble with the scent of blood at the hospital. Even when Kate noted that it hardly bothered him last time Esme reassured her that things like that changed for a vampire. Her stay was a little longer than last time however in the time that had passed Esme never once said a bad word about the family.
Kate had pressed and pressed for an answer as to what had happened that morning but all that she ever got was 'the Cullen family is a good one'. A family that would never harm anyone and that she was better concentrating on school rather than the Cullen's. In the end Kate had given up searching for answers, Alice and Rose were never anywhere to be found and Edward had dropped off the face of the earth so far as she could tell. Even when she made a beeline for them at school the moment she looked toward them they disappeared like expert illusionists. With all that in mind she was surprised to see Carlisle was the one to call her name. In all her many visits to the hospital she hadn't seen him there at all.
She followed Carlisle past his office which was becoming somewhat familiar to her and through to a private room. Since her last visit to the hospital her speed at anything had slowed down, even the walk to school was an epic feat on occasion. For some reason she didn't seem to heal as fast as expected which was yet another thing that concerned Esme to the point where any wince or gasp was taken as a scream of pain. Still when Carlisle motioned for her to sit on an examination table that was pushed against one wall, she took it upon herself however slow to get there under her own power despite several offers of help from Carlisle. Kate watched Carlisle flip through a few pages of notes as he shook his head and made a few corrections here and there.
"How are you feeling today?" Carlisle asked in the most professional manor.
"Good thanks." She replied smiling, "How are you?"
Carlisle was once again caught off guard. Patients in his experience hardly ever asked after the doctor treating them, that question was usually loaded for a long list of complaints that were usually normally to worry about. Kate however surprised him which was rare for a human to do.
"I am well thank you but I think I had better ask the questions." Carlisle said plainly, "Would you mind showing me your abdomen?"
Kate nodded wondering if she had overstepped with a single question. To say she suddenly felt like things were a little tense was an understatement. She raised her jumper revealing the wound dressing that covered an incision which had been made into her abdomen. Esme had explained that she had some kind of internal bleeding and the surgery was required. Knowing what had happened before that had been a jumble of answers from Esme and none had really been consistent. All she could really know was her mother would never tell her the truth. Kate winced as Carlisle removed the wound dressing and began poking and prodding at her.
"Are you experiencing any pain?" Carlisle asked her carefully moving his hands across her abdomen.
"Pain no." Kate replied biting her lip, "No pain at all."
Carlisle glanced toward her seeing the tears in her eyes and the obvious wince that crossed her face as he moved his hand. He shook his head wondering just why she was lying but then perhaps he had been correct in his earlier assumption. Perhaps Kate really did hate his family for what happened and was perhaps too polite to say so.
"If you do not tell me the truth I cannot help you Kate." Carlisle said as he redressed the wound. "Tell me pain wise, were you prescribed any painkillers?"
"Yes I was." Kate replied looking toward the floor.
"And are you currently taking them?" Carlisle asked curiously.
"I... well you see." She began as she saw the look on Carlisle's face. "Okay, no I'm not."
"You realise that they are to aid you in your recovery?" Carlisle said glancing back at her file.
"I do but I couldn't concentrate at school and they made me feel very... strange." She said not daring to look anywhere near Carlisle. "So am I good to go or is there something else?"
"Kate, if I prescribe you a lower dosage do you promise you will take them?" Carlisle asked scribbling on a note pad.
Kate glanced toward him before smiling. A promise was one thing but although she always kept her promises she needed something out of it. She needed to know what happened that morning.
"I will promise on one condition." She said firmly.
Having to live with five teenagers of sorts Carlisle guessed the next question or rather the give and take situation he had unwittingly stumbled into. She would probably ask that it was only occasionally or just when she felt the pain was bad enough which given what he had heard she probably wouldn't touch them.
"Okay, what is your one condition?" Carlisle asked before he could stop himself.
Kate grinned widely as if she had just made the greatest discovery.
"Dr Cullen, please tell me exactly what happened at your house and why your entire family is avoiding me?" Kate blurted.
She saw the bewildered look that spoke volumes to her. She tried to stare him down for a moment but found that after a second or two she had already grabbed her jacket and was heading toward the door. She had barely got to the door before she felt the cold hand on her shoulder.
"Catherine I think that is a subject you had better ask your mother about." Carlisle replied keeping a level tone.
Before he knew what he was doing Carlisle had reached for her, the human that had set off a chain of events she clearly had no idea about. The warmth from her radiated in his hand as he fought the urge to explain every detail of that day to her, from the conversation with Edward to explaining away his son's actions in a hope she would understand.
"That is my problem, she won't tell me anything." Kate replied moving away from the hand on her shoulder. "Is it something I've done or said because I'm sorry if I offended you or caused you a problem?"
Carlisle retracted his hand hastily from her shoulder. A part of him could hardly believe that Esme had told her daughter nothing when there was so much that could have been said. It was yet another reason he found Esme to be so alluring to him, not only was she someone from his most heavenly dreams but someone who hadn't sullied his family's name over an act which gave her every right do to.
"Catherine the events of that day are something you should discuss with your mother but I can assure you it is nothing you have said or done." Carlisle told her as he took a breath.
"Fine but can I ask you something else?" Kate asked looking back at him.
She could see in his face there was a story she was missing, a story that would probably explain a lot but to have to go through her mother that was another problem she would have to face.
"Of course, what do you wish to know?" He replied.
"Where's Edward?" Kate asked immediately seeing Carlisle look away.
"Edward has gone to visit some friends of ours." Carlisle said matter of fact tone.
"Oh, well I yes." Kate spluttered, "Could you let me know when he gets back... I miss... chatting to him."
It was odd to admit it but she did miss him. Not only did she miss their conversations but just the feel of him being there, the strange feeling of safeness he gave her whenever he was around. She couldn't count the amount of times it had bewildered her to think that a blood sucking vampire made her feel safe but there was no getting around it. It was a fact.
"I will pass the message along when I see him." Carlisle said as he passed her the prescription. "Now I only ask that you take these and the doctor will see you in a week."
With that Carlisle opened the door for her to leave. He watched with a heavy heart as Kate slowly made her way out with only a thank you for his time that left her lips. The past few minutes felt as if a weight had been lifted with only another one to take its place. He knew Esme had told her nothing about what had happened or the fact that Edward had tried to kill her. On its own that would have been enough and yet now he knew that the very human Edward had tried to kill actually missed her would be killer. Carlisle shut the door as if shutting out the world as he leaned back against the wall. Never before had he thought misleading or just out right refusing to tell a human anything could be so difficult. He found himself not willing to lie about the events and even so he could not tell the truth about that day without Esme's explicit permission. After all she had not seen fit to tell her daughter about the events despite he was sure her attempts to get the truth from her.
Carlisle spent the rest of his day in a slight haze as he tried to fully concentrate on his work. People became a blur to him as his mind tried to find its way through the information he had found out. The more sense he tried to make of it and the less sense any of it actually did until all he was left with was the feeling of loss, loss of a son he thought the world of and the hope of a normal existence with a woman he loved. A loss that seemed to burn away at him as if it was some kind of reminder of the monster he really was, the monster that thought for a few short moments, he could be pulled from the dammed to be a better person.