Note:
New chapter super fast coz I'm going away again for a few days and wanted to upload this before I have no internet. Story of my life really.
I won't rant too much about this chapter, except to say that the last scene was pretty hard for me to write. I know what its like to have the closet whipped out from around you and it is very very not nice. So writing it was hard because I felt like I had all this experience to tap into and got overwhelmed and am not quite sure I hit the nail on the head. By ohwell, everyone loves a tryer!
Oh and! I was tossing up the idea of incorporating a few scenes from Brittany's POV in the upcoming chapters. Especially because I Kissed A Girl really let me down with lack of Brittany inclusion.
Hmm. I'm not a hundred percent sure on it yet. I'm very comfortable with Santana's voice and I don't know if Brittany's would sit right- I don't want it to sound forced or for her to come across completely childish which would kind of make it weird writing sex scenes. :S
So let me know if you think I should or not! It's up to you guys! :)
Also can I just say, the reviews so far have been really moving! It's so nice to hear that you guys can see authenticity in the characters. That and humour are what I really, really am wanting to get across in this story.
You guys are the best!
Enjoy :)
P.S whose excited for Tuesday? (Wednesday for us NZ folk)
Ch 13: Rumour Has It
"Tornadoes are natures most destructive force. These violent storms have ravaged America, crippling communities all across our land. Isn't it time we take a stand? If you honour me with being your next class president I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages."
Brittany lay the thick piece of paper she'd been reading off onto the Lima Bean café table between her and Santana.
"Well? What do you think?"
Santana hesitated, twirling the paper around so that she could look at it more closely. A thick swirl of grey, blue and black paint whirled down the page, narrowing at the bottom.
"It's a tornado," Brittany said helpfully.
"Yeah I…" Santana trailed her eyes to the square bit of printed text that had been cut out and glued over the paint near the middle. The font was some ridiculously curly text with little hearts dotting the i's. "...I can see that. Hey Britt, did you...did you write this last night?"
Brittany smiled as she shook her head.
"I was a bit busy to do all this last night, don'tcha think?"
Santana felt a flush creep up to the tops of her ears.
"I meant before I came over," she muttered, looking down into her coffee cup. Under the table Brittany hooked their ankles together.
"I found it under my bed this morning while you were showering. It's a part of my 8th grade natural disasters speech," she said happily. "I've just changed the words around a bit to suit the debate but I think it's such a good idea, don't you?"
The brightness in Brittany's eyes was hard to break and Santana stumbled over the right words.
"You don't think it's a little...it's just a bit off topic do you, B?"
Brittany jerked her head back in a frown. "No, not at all."
Santana nodded. "Okay, that's cool. I just think that maybe tornadoes aren't really an issue that a Senior Class President has to concentrate on. It's more the weatherman's job."
"Uh San," Brittany raised her eyebrows and tapped at the page. "Don't you get how much of a serious threat they are?"
Santana decided to press the point. This was her chance to help Britt and even if that meant hurting her feelings now, it was better than letting her humiliate herself in front of the whole senior class.
"I just…" She bit her lip, delicately picking apart her words. "I just don't think the rest of the students care as much about tornados as you do. They don't understand how- how dangerous they are. "
Brittany pointed at her enthusiastically. "Exactly my point! We need to educate these kids!" She hit the bottom of her fist down on the table for emphasis. Santana grinned and shook her head.
"Okay okay. But how about you incorporate something that connects back to the girl power flash mob thing?" Santana shimmed her shoulders to demonstrate.
Brittany, midway through a sip of her hot chocolate, grinned, trailing her eyes over Santana's wiggling chest.
"Oh yeah. I like that idea,'" she nodded. "I'll tell everyone that they can see my girl powers on Tuesdays!"
"Why only…"
"Topless Tuesdays!" Brittany cut over her in excitement, pumping a fist in the air. Santana snorted in disbelief and rolled her eyes.
"What?" Brittany was pouting. "It's a great idea. And I'm sure once it happened there would be no complains from you."
Santana coughed against her mouthful of coffee and swallowed awkwardly.
"Britt," she muttered warningly, shooting a glance around the café to make sure no one had overheard. Usually before a school day the place was packed with WMHS students but Santana guessed they'd been early enough to beat the rush because she saw no one she recognised. When she directed her eyes back to their table she caught Brittany smiling coyly across from her.
Santana leaned closer. "I would complain at the fact that my girlfriend would be walking around while everyone is creaming themselves over her boobs. I- I kind of like the thought that they're just for me to see."
She sat back, embarrassed by her own words.
Brittany paused, her head tilted sideways at Santana, grinning like a maniac. "Well, they're just for you to touch. But other people are allowed to see them. I mean, I see them all the time and so does Lord Tubbington." She shrugged. "It's no big deal."
"Yeah but, I-I don't want the football guys to think they can get a free ride just because you're topless. And I'd rather they get their thrills from somewhere other than your chest."
Brittany trailed her tongue across her bottom lip, suddenly lost in thought.
"Artie's family have a handicap pass that they keep in their car which lets them park in the handicap parks. So I could get a sign that says like…" She drew a square with her finger in the air in front of her chest, "Santana parking only and then give you the pass. You'd just have to be careful not to lose it!" Brittany sat back in her chair, looking happy with herself.
Santana couldn't help but grin.
"I'm not going to say no to that idea. But how about you makes Tuesdays just like a topless day for everyone who wants to join in. That you're not the only one...on display."
"Ooh yeah. Then the footballers will be distracted from me with all the other boobs all around and then you won't have to worry!"
Santana shook her head, still grinning.
"Even with all those other boobs around I would put money on them not being distracted from yours."
Britt twisted in her seat and stuck her tongue out at Santana.
Santana shook her head, snorting softly with laughter. Then she downed the last gulp of her coffee and waved at a nearby waitress for another- She was prepared to beat this looming hangover with a caffeine propelled air missile if she had to.
While they waited for her coffee, Santana nodded back down at the tornado page.
"Go on, read it again. And remember to try make eye contact with your audience as much as you can okay?"
Brittany picked up the paper and took a gulp of air, then began to read in a voice that was deadpanned by nerves. Santana listened attentively, feeling more and more anxious about having to see Britt say it in front of everyone. Santana knew that the topless thing would guarantee Britt an easy majority of the votes (McKinley had more perverts that an entire season of To Catch A Predator), but she knew Brittany would hate speaking in front of everyone. Santana wished she could do it in her place.
Halfway through Brittany's recital, Santana's attention was interrupted by the loud clang of the doorbell and the giggling and shouting hoard of girls erupting through it.
Santana glanced over at them, recognising most of them from various classes they'd shared with her over the years. The WMHS take over of The Lima Bean had begun.
She was pretty sure that she knew their group as a whole too. They were part of what Quinn used to refer to as the middle class. Kids with average grades, a mild knowledge about what was cool and how to stay under the radar. They wore cheaper versions of the rich kids clothes and were the group that got invited to the bigger parties but were left off the guest list at casual weekend drinks.
Santana wasn't sure that she'd exchanged more than two words with any of them in her life.
They all made their way over to the counter, lining up to order. Santana watched one of them, an Asian girl in a polka dot dress, turn to the girl waiting behind her and begin to say something. As she spoke she trailed her eyes around the café.
Her eyes flicked over Santana and Brittany's table, caught Santana's eye briefly and then moved on. However, a split second later the girl stilled, stopped what she was saying mid-sentence and doubled her gaze back over to their table.
Santana hurriedly turned her attention back to Brittany who was onto the last few lines of her paragraph. But her voice was drowned out by a sudden eruption of giggles from over near the counter.
Santana whipped her head back around to see that the Asian girl was now surrounded by all the others. They had all seemingly abandoned their attempts at ordering and were now completely preoccupied by whispering and nudging one another, taking turns to look over towards Brittany and Santana.
Santana felt a cold sweat rise up her body and suddenly she was angry. So, so angry. She set her jaw and glared over at the girls, fury coiling in her chest. She couldn't believe that the hallway incident had travelled so fast. She had completely underestimated how serious this was. Fear was curdling in the pit of her stomach and she was pretty sure she was going to spit up the coffee she'd just consumed.
"San…" Brittany waved a hand in front of her face, trying to gather her attention. Santana reluctantly looked over at her.
"Did I sound less like a killer cyborg that time?" Brittany asked anxiously.
"Huh? Oh. Ah, a little louder I think," Santana advised, trying to keep her voice calm.
"Heeree you go." The bright voice of the waitress interrupted them. Santana looked down at the table as a coffee and a muffin were placed in front of her.
"Uh, hey," she called the waitress back and pointed at the muffin. "I didn't order that."
"Oh! It's complimentary when you order your second early morning coffee. They're a day or two old but edible enough." She smiled brightly.
"Erm...right...Thanks." Santana waited until the waitress had left before gingerly pushing the muffin plate away from her. Brittany picked it up and calmly took a large bite out of the top.
"Mmmm, 'sfine!" She mumbled, her cheeks bulging and her lips scattered with crumbs. Santana felt a smile take over her disgust and release some of the angry tension building within her.
"Rather you than me."
Brittany swallowed and promptly filled her mouth with another bite as Santana turned her attention to her coffee.
"Hey Brittany!" A high voice, full of accentuated politeness and surprise sounded above them.
Simultaneously, Santana and Brittany looked up.
One of the giggling girls, a blond, plain faced one, was standing over them holding a coffee to go. Behind her, the rest of the pack were lingering around- their eyes bright with anticipation.
Santana's insides stilled as anger turned them cold as stone. She notched her chin up to glare around at whatever one happened to catch her eye. Across from her, Brittany struggled to gulp down her mouthful and then said happily, "Hey Christie! Will I be seeing you in Economics today?"
With a swoop in her stomach, Santana realised Brittany was oblivious to what was happening to them.
The girl called Christie widened her fake smile. "You sure will," she said brightly. Then she threw a glance over her shoulder at her friends. Several of them nodded encouragingly.
Santana clenched her fists on the table. She was one knowing smile away from going all she-hulk on the lot of them.
"You look like you're enjoying that muff-in." Christie said.
Brittany nodded, glancing down at the plate in front of her. "Yup uhuh. It's pretty good. Santana let me have it coz she doesn't like stale muffins."
Way at the back of the group, one of the girls lost the battle with her laughter, snorting loudly. Santana watched in horror as the whole group began to struggle even harder to stifle their amusement.
Christie's voice was wavering with it as she asked Brittany whether or not she was ready for the debate later on that day. Brittany nodded slowly, a frown of confusion creasing her forehead as she took in the girls scattered giggles.
"I-I think so, yep. Going to make sure everyone is reminded about lady power!"
This proved too much for the Asian girl who had first spotted them. Laughter burst through the hand she had clasped against her mouth and she had to walk away, flanked by two other hysterical girls.
Christie barely had it together herself.
"W-well," she said, her voice undercut by rising giggles. "You...I hope you enjoy that muffin." She turned on her heel and led the girls away, her shoulders shaking as she released her laughter.
Rage propelled Santana out of her chair with such force that it skittered backwards across the floor.
"What the hell is your problem?" She called to their retreating backs.
Christie and the others stopped and then turned to face Santana.
"N-nothing." Christie stammered, looking alarmed at the expression on Santana's face.
"Really?" Santana's voice was iced with contempt. She stepped around the table and walked closer to Christie, almost blinded by anger.
Christie had become Finn. Rory. Every one of those stupid foot ball retards. Santana felt all the things she'd been holding back for the last 24 hours rise like vomit in her throat.
"Can you tell me what the fuck is so funny about baked goods?" Her voice carried through the café and people were beginning to notice.
Let them look, thought Santana, furious.
"N-nothing," Christie repeated, backing further into the girls behind her away from the advancing steps of Santana.
Santana laughed and nodded in mock understanding. "Ohh, nothing? Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I guess I must have just imagined your friends standing behind you snuffling like it was feeding time in the pig pen."
"Uh, what is your problem?" One of the girls who probably had a death wish, stepped up to Christie's side. Santana looked her up and down, twisting her features into a sneer.
"Well actually, now you've opened your mouth, you're my problem. See, I just remembered why your face is so familiar. It's because I used to have nightmares about it living under my bed." Santana continued to look the girl up and down. "But now I thinkl it'll be the memory of your outfit wakes me up screaming tonight. You look like…" She broke into over exaggerated laughter. "Woo...okay, okay," she stammered, pretended to compose herself. "You look like you were dressed by some bipolar housewife who was having a bad day because she just turned 41 and took a buttload of Diazepam to get her through it without going and having a heart to heart with her gas oven." Santana craned her neck around the café, "I wonder how long it's going to take her to notice that you've escaped from her handbag."
Santana could read no laughter on any of the girls faces now. Some of them actually looked close to tears. Still, Santana advanced on them until she was practically toe-to-toe with Christie.
"I hope you weren't planning on drinking that…?" She gestured down at the coffee cup Christie was holding. Christie began to muddle over words and Santana mirrored her mouth movements.
"I-I...Oh, oh, you-you were, were you?" Santana stuck out her bottom lip in sympathy and then with a vipers strike of her hand she dashed the coffee cup from Christie's grip.
It's impact against the floor popped it's lid off and coffee splashed everywhere.
Santana jumped back and gasped theatrically.
"Oh, shit. Sorry! Sorry, sorry!" She said, flapping her hands in false panic. Christie was blinking at her in shock, coffee dripping down her legs and into her shoes.
"But...hey!" Santana lit her face in a bright smile. "On the bright side, you get to order another one now. And I've just found out the when you order your second early morning coffee you get a complimentary muffin! So yay! You'll have your own so you won't have to gag over Brittany's anymore." Santana patted her hands together in a soft clap and then turned on her heel, sauntering victoriously back to her table.
Brittany was twisted around in her chair, watching her approach with a small smile tugging at her lips.
As Santana dropped back into her seat she noticed that Britt had left one bite of the muffin on her plate. Santana picked it up and plopped it in her mouth, chewing through a grin.
Even after they'd finished, Santana heard the music ringing in her ears.
Could it be called music?
Day one of the Mash-off was over and Santana sat in the auditorium shell shocked by how completely awful the New Directions had been. In fact, Santana was reluctant to believe she was awake when what she'd just witnessed followed so closely to the narrative of her most deeply disturbing nightmare.
Yes, it was that bad.
Finn's shirt was so pink and clingy that Santana was half convinced he'd just gone shirtless under his blazer. The rest of them had pranced around with moustaches stuck to their faces and Puck was wearing a curly black wig that Santana was pretty sure had been made using Gibbon pubic hair.
It was the first time she'd seen Finn and Rory since the hallway incident. What had happened in the café earlier had added to Santana's stockpiled resentment of them and she was looking for a chance to release it. Seeing as Shelby and Mr Shue had gone back stage to organise with the band about returning tomorrow, Santana decided to take this opportunity.
She vaulted over her seat and headed away from Brittany and the Troubletones to the stage.
Finn was watching her approach warily and called out to her as she neared them.
"Santana I think you and I need to talk-"
She arrived in front of him and held up a hand. "You don't get to say anything to me while you're wearing that outfit."
"Santana…" Rachel stepped forwards, clasping her hands in front of her.
Santana rounded on her. "Was I talking to you?" She snarled and Rachel took a step back closer to Finn, shaking her head.
"I just think that maybe what Finn suggested is a good idea. I mean, I would be happy to stay and mediate- I learnt how to at a young age so I could help whenever my Dad's had their annual disagreement about who was the best dressed during the red carpet season."
"There is nothing to mediate," Santana snapped, glaring at Finn. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mercedes, Sugar and Brittany filing out of their isles to approach the stage too.
"I-I think there might be," Rachel stammered, glancing around at Finn.
Santana narrowed her eyes and stepped up closer to Finn and Rachel.
"I came here to congratulate you all actually. I think you're all settling into your early onset midlife crisis's really nicely. I mean, whew, what a brain wave it was to give the male solos to the two guys in glee club who have the most sex appeal. I mean one of them entices us with all that jiggle," She gestured up and down Finn's midriff. "While the other," she jerked her head at Rory, "slips us his seductive looks. And who knew that the European tradition of attracting females by imitating the face you make when you're struggling to pass gas would translate so well over here." She clapped, shaking her head in mock speechlessness. "And, ohmygosh how could I forget- Blaine, that moustache made me believe for a second that you may actually have balls. And Rachel, that short skirt confirmed the existence of yours as well. So really it was a great day all around for the New Directions."
"Santana," Finn stepped closer, speaking quietly through gritted teeth. "This is really not the way to be handling this, can we just have this conversation in private?"
Santana put a finger to her lips, pretending to consider. Then she rolled her eyes and huffed a sigh.
"Fine, fine." She stepped back and gestured out the auditorium doors. "Ladies first."
Finn pressed his lips together, frowned nervously at Rachel, and then began to walk past Santana towards the door. As he took the last step past her, Santana stuck out her foot, tangling it between Finn's ankles. Finn pitched forward as his feet clashed together and twisted underneath him.
"Timber!" Santana called as he thudded heavily to the stage floor.
"Finn!" Rachel squealed, rushing up to him and crouching down, brushing her hands over his back.
"Oh calm down Frodo," Santana snapped. "If I were you I'd be more worried about the woodland creatures nesting in his bellybutton." Rachel glared up at her.
"They could have been crushed." Santana pointed out, shrugging.
"You know, you really have gone too far this time Santana," Rachel said, helping Finn to his feet. "I think I better be going to warn Shelby and Mr Shue that some of us aren't entering properly into the spirit of things and maybe should be made to sit out their number."
Santana took a step forwards, bristling. "You think I went too far? Really? And how about you?" She drew her eyes up to Finn, daring him to argue. Daring him to tempt her again. She wouldn't need telling twice, she thought, clenching her fists, eyeing up the corner of his jaw to connect it to.
"Do you think I'm the one who went too far?"
Finn opened and closed his mouth stupidly.
"No?" Santana tilted her head. "No, I didn't think so."
The next day was a better day. Santana knew it was clique to match your mood with the weather but the liquid autumn sun lit up the streets that morning made the city seem like it was someplace else.
Somewhere that Santana would actually like to live. Somewhere with possibilities and a wide, open sky.
Picking up Britt and taking her to get hotcakes before school was another thing that brightened the morning, especially when Santana got to kiss her syrupy lips in the car afterwards.
As the bell rang to signal the end of last period Santana could count only two things that had dampened that day.
The first had been a 'Just Take A Swing Our Way' golf club pamphlet that had been slipped into the slots of her locker. Thankfully, Santana had managed to flush it down the girls toilets without anyone seeing.
The second dampener had been the fact that she'd just spent last period in history with Finn.
She and Britt had arrived late from a last minute Troubletones run through of their mash-up before that afternoons performance and interrupted Mrs Clearwater's speech about the positives of Communism.
"All I'm saying," she was saying, "is that Stalin had a point before he went a bit sideways and starved those peasants like they were Africans in a drought."
"S-sorry we're late Mrs C," Brittany said politely, having to rise her voice above the disconcerted murmurings of the rest of the students. Santana couldn't blame them- the only thing Ms Clearwater liked better than Nazi's was the Russian revolution. She was a woman of complex contradictions.
"Fine, fine girls," she said, waving a hand airily. "Just take a seat."
Santana glanced around the room to the only two empty seats. Right behind Puck and Finn. Since the night she'd overheard Finn and Rory Santana had made sure that she and Britt didn't sit anywhere near Finn. Today however, there was no choice.
She led Brittany down the isle past them. Finn kept his head down to his textbook but Puck nodded at her and she shot him her usual coy smirk.
As soon as they'd taken their seats Brittany had her out note pad and had begun copying the notes down off the board furiously. Brittany loved everything to do with Russia. She'd seen the Disney version of Anastasia and it had taken off from there. On a good day if she closed her eyes and put her fingers in her ears Britt could recite nearly the entire Romanov dynasty. Santana had heard her do it and never would have believed hearing an oral family tree could be so sexy.
Santana threw her attention to the front of the class, attempting to follow Mrs Clearwater's rant but Finn's bulk in front of her blocked out almost the entire board. She huffed a sigh and dropped her head into her arms, hoping she could take a sneaky snooze to get herself energised for the performance that afternoon.
Her eyes fluttered closed and she concentrated on the brush of Brittany's elbow against her forearm. But something had begun tickling her other farm annoyingly and she lifted her head to see a folded piece of paper on the desk in front of her.
She recognised the scrawl of Finn's writing and hit it off her desk in disgust. Finn glanced around at her, noticed his note was on the floor and then leant back in his chair.
"Santana, can you please just read it?"
Santana glared at him and shook her head.
"Santana. You know I completely regret what I did and I really want to make this right."
Ruthlessly, Santana shot her hand into the air.
"Mrs Clearwater!" She called, leaning around Finn so that the teacher would notice her. Mrs Clearwater lowered the English translation of one of Stalin's speeches that she'd been reading aloud and looked up.
"Yes dear?"
"The boy in front of me is making suggestive comments. And," she pointed at the floor to where she'd cast aside his note. "He's littering."
Mrs Clearwater frowned at Finn. "Unless you were suggesting a game of Where In The World Is Leon Trotsky, there is no excuse for talking while I'm talking. And pick up your rubbish."
"Leon Trotsky was in Mexico," Brittany murmured absently, lifting her head to read the next line of notes off the board. "He was murdered with an ice axe and buried in Coyoacán, one of the sixteen boroughs of Mexico city." She grinned faintly to herself. "I win."
Santana shot her a proud smile, trying to ignore the look of betrayal Finn was giving her as he bent to pick up the note.
By the time he'd arrived back from the rubbish bin, Santana had another plan. As Finn lined himself up to sit down in his chair Santana hooked her ankle around one of it's legs and jerked it backwards.
For the second time in two days Finn lost his balance and sprawled onto the floor. Santana threw her head back and laughed loudly, taking extra delight in the fact that the rest of the class was laughing too. Even Mrs Clearwater was simpering over her notes.
As Finn got clumsily to his feet and righted his chair, Santana looked over to bask in Brittany's amusement but she found Brittany's forehead was creased in a frown.
"What?" Santana mouthed, frowning herself.
Brittany shook her head and looked back at the board as Mrs Clearwater resumed talking.
"I'll tell you after class," she said.
So the bell rang for the end of school and Santana wound her way to the exit of the class room, hoping like hell Brittany was not going to give the day a third dampener. Brittany didn't speak until they arrived at a corridor thinned out of students.
"You were pretty mean in class today," she said finally.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Well some people just seem to inspire it in me."
"Uhuh. Okay." Brittany dropped her eyes to her feet. Santana glanced sideways at her and felt her resolve crack. She sighed.
"Fiine. Just spit out what you want to say, it's okay, I can take it."
Brittany bit her lip and looked up at Santana.
"I think you need to stop making fun of Finn. You're being really harsh."
"Manatees have really thick skin," Santana pointed out. Brittany half smiled and shook her head. She looked ready to say something else but was interrupted as Becky attempted a waddling jog towards them, her sneakers smacking loudly against the lino floor.
"Santana!" She puffed, arriving in front of them. "Coach Sue needs you in her office right away."
"Just me?" Santana asked. Lately all the meetings she'd had with Sue had been in the presence of Becky as her co-Capitan.
"Uhuh. Jus you." Becky nodded. Santana stifled a smile, wondering why it had taken Coach Sue this long to realise there could only be one proper captain. It looked like she'd finally realised that the swamp where Becky had her hut was too out of the way to pull off a late night delivery of protein powder to Coaches house.
"Hmm, well I have to go and get ready for the mash-up," She paused.
"Just go see Coach and I'll tell the others you'll be a bit late. It'll be fine," Brittany said.
Santana nodded. "Alright, thank you."
When Becky had turned away Britt reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.
"Nice going, Captain." She whispered.
Santana grinned like a six year old and playfully shoved Brittany back along the corridor then turned and headed towards Coach Sue's office. At the corner of the hallway she stopped and looked back. Brittany was standing where she'd left her and when she caught Santana looking she stuck out her tongue and twirled away sharply, purposefully putting extra swing into the turn so that the flaps of her Cheerios skirt skittered up above her butt.
Santana melted just a little bit and carried on around the corner.
Today had been a good day.
Sugar was the first one to see her coming. She glanced up from the mirror in the dressing room and cracked a wide smile of relief. Santana had never seen something's end cut across it's beginning so violently as that smile of Sugar's. It was only half on her face when faltered and then cracked beneath a look of horror.
Santana had abandoned any attempt to stop her sobs. They filled the whole room as she burst into it, making everyone jump.
Santana crossed the dressing room like a storm, shoving past Sugar and banging a stray desk and chair out of the way so she could reach Brittany who'd already opened her arms, wearing a look more terrified than Sugar's.
They collided hard enough to make Brittany stagger slightly under Santana's weight but Santana was beyond caring. She had let go like a little girl, bawlinginto Brittany's neck. Huge, heaving sobs rolled through her body, jarring it against Brittany's.
Santana believed she must have lost her hearing, must have lost any perception of what was going on around her. Brittany was saying something but it sounded vague and far off. Her hands were stroking Santana's back but her touch felt dull- like Santana's nerves weren't computing the pressure properly.
Santana pulled back, her features crumpling even further as she saw the distraught on Brittany's face.
"Santana…What happened?"
Santana heard the snap of the door closing behind them and she turned to see Mercedes walking gingerly over to them. She'd shut the other Troubletones out. When she saw that Brittany and Santana had turned around she faltered and gestured towards the door.
"I-I can leave too if you want?"
Santana shook her head and the turned back to Brittany, burying her head once again into her neck. Brittany's arms came around her, squeezing her so tightly Santana had to struggle to breathe. But somehow, having to battle for air helped even her breathing out, and her sobs became smaller until they were just quakes that rang through her every now and then.
"I watched this episode on Grey's Anatomy where a lady asks Doctor Bailey and Doctor Yang to hug her when she was having a panic attack," Brittany deadpanned. It was the voice she used to keep herself from crying. "She told them that if they applied enough pressure it would depress her sympathetic nervous system and slow her heart and metabolic rates. So I'm trying it on you."
Santana sniffed and hugged Brittany harder against her.
"Thank you," she whispered.
From behind them, Mercedes spoke.
"What happened? Was it Finn again?"
"Worse," Santana mumbled against Brittany's neck. Brittany's grip around her tightened.
"What kind of worse?" Mercedes asked.
Santana reluctantly pulled her face away from Brittany and straightened up. Brittany didn't relinquish her hold but let her twist around so that she could see both of them.
Santana recounted what happened in Sue's office with a calmness the surprised even herself. She knew it was the still before the storm- she could feel everything inside her churning, adrenalin sparking along her nerves.
"It's going to run across the whole of Ohio?" Mercedes asked, horror-struck.
Santana squeezed her eyes closed and nodded.
"S-so you'll have to...I mean...everyone is going to…"
"Everyone's going to know," Santana nodded. She looked at Brittany and was surprised to see her face wavering in tears. Santana swallowed the lump in her throat and bent back to Brittany, curving their bodies against one another.
Under her grasp, Brittany began to cry. They were soft sobs, compared to Santana's. They weren't frenzied. But they were jarring against Santana's body. She could hear the fear in them.
"Britt…" She sighed sadly, looking up into her face. Tears were streaming down Brittany's cheeks, her face a tight ball of pain.
"This isn't fair," She gasped, shaking her head. She took a shuddering breath. "This isn't fair."
Santana didn't know what to say. Watching Brittany cry had intensified her own fear and Santana's eyes grew hot once again with her own tears. She tightened her grip on Brittany, remembering the Grey's Anatomy thing.
The sound of someone knocking tentatively on the door made Santana look up to see Sugar edging her head around the door nervously.
"I-I told everyone to give us twenty minutes. Is that enough time or should I…" Mercedes shot Santana a glance.
"We don't have to do this today," She clarified. "We don't have to do this today but we won't do it without you."
Santana shut her eyes and blew air up to her forehead, trying to steady herself. In her arms Brittany was sniffing and wiping her face with the back of her hands. "Mercedes is right," she said in a thin voice. "We can't do this without you."
"Na-uh." Sugar added from the door.
Santana looked at each one of them in turn, taking deep breaths.
"It's okay. I- we'll do this today. Now."
Sugar's face lit up. "Okay, okay I'll go get the others!" She pulled her head from the door.
"I'll-I'll give you two a minute," Mercedes said, following Sugar.
As the door clicked closed Santana and Brittany turned to one another, taking in each others tear mottled faces.
"How did it all get so bad so quickly?" Santana wondered aloud.
Brittany shrugged, pulling her lips to one side.
"It's like…" Santana vaulted her eyes to the ceiling. "It's like...Just when I think things are working out, just when I let my guard down a little, someone comes in and right hooks me in the jaw. Twice."
"I think you'd make a great boxer," Brittany said in a small voice. Santana smiled sideways at her but it quickly faltered as a thought occurred to her.
"You think I can do anything, don't you?"
"Anything." Brittany nodded.
"Well I don't think I can do this." Santana's voice cracked.
Brittany stepped closer, brushing one hand up her back.
"The song? You want me to go tell the others…"
"No, no. Not that. I meant afterwards. When the ad runs. When...When everyone knows about the part of me that I'm still a ashamed of. I just feel like…" She took a shuddering breath. "I just feel like I never got to chose that I'm...gay. But I always thought I'd have the right to control how I dealt with it and how I projected it to the world. Turns out it that was for everyone but me to decide."
"Santana...you…" Brittany rolled her eyes around the room, as though the words she needed would be there. "This isn't going to be easy. I get that and I'm scared. I'm scared just like you because I don't ever want to see you upset, or hurt or brought down for being the person that I love. But…" She slipped her arms from around Santana and took her hands. "You will be brave because I know that you can be. I know that you're the bravest person I know. And you can do anything."
Santana hesitated, tears screwing up her face again. But she nodded through them.
"Okay," she let out a steadying breath, not looking away from Brittany's face. All her courage was anchored there.
"Okay. Let's do this."