Hi guys! This is an important chapter; I've been waiting anxiously to get it written! Hope that you guys enjoy it; it should hopefully give more context to Christa's situation! It's not as long as I originally envisioned it to be, but I think that it should be an enjoyable read!
Chapter 12:
I stared at my reflection for a long time, unable to pull myself away from the mirror. I was becoming an elf, more and more so with each passing day. And now I had the pointed ears to prove it. How had this happened? Why had this happened to me? The Valar had failed to mention this very important detail. They intrigued me, more than anything, my ears. With a finger I traced the tip of one, lightly, as if it was extremely fragile. I didn't want to break them, and yet I didn't really want them to be there either.
Pulling my hand away suddenly, I stared at myself, my eyes widening. I couldn't let anyone know. The other changes had been easy enough to conceal. No one had taken much notice to the fact that I tired slower, and certainly no one save Haldir would have been able to notice the improvement with my eyesight.
"Well, those two young elves certainly would have found it weird that I could see that far, but they never seemed too curious," I mused, shaking off my fear and pulling out the stool, sitting down in front of the vanity.
But these ears, now they were a completely different story. I wasn't about to go parading around with them visible for everyone to see. Though Haldir and Galadriel had been accepting of the changes that I was going through, I had no idea how the rest of the elves would react if they were ever to know that I was becoming one of them.
"Me, becoming and elf!" I whispered to my reflection. Even now, after so long, it was still hard for me to wrap my head around the idea, and some part of me still hoped that this was all a dream. But I knew better, and that tiny piece of myself was shrinking by the second.
Lifting my hands again, I held my ears delicately, before wearily shifting my gaze to my hair. Why, oh why did I not bother to brush this last night? Trying to forget my ears for the moment, I let my hands fall and grabbed my hair brush. My hair, thankfully, only looked bad. It did take me longer than usual to comb through the tangles, but soon I had my hair all sorted out. Parting it in the back, I brought half of my hair over either side of my neck, running my fingers through it as I tried to figure out what to do about my ears.
Afraid to do anything that was too obviously different from my usual style, I opted to do two simple braids down either side of my head, that would hold my chestnut hair in place over the tips of my ears. Joining those two braids together, I finished off by braiding them into one big braid, that then fell over my shoulder.
"There," I sighed as I tied off the braid with a leather tie. "When you go home, at least you'll be able to say that you learned how to braid your own hair."
Now that my ears were covered and I had nothing better to do, I decided to head down to grab a bite to eat. The sun was just starting to rise above the thick golden canopy of leaves, and the air had a dampness to it as the frost on the ground melted to dew. Wrapping myself up tighter in my cloak, I couldn't help but wonder if I would be in Middle Earth long enough to develop all of the elven traits. Maybe soon I wouldn't have to worry about the chilliness. I jogged down the stairs, reflecting back on how I used to be so afraid of falling. Now that I had been up and down them so many times, I had lost my fear. As long as I focused on my feet, I was fine.
As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs, something felt off. Hesitating, I looked around the forest and the light filtered through the branches, trying to figure out what had put me on edge. Unable to find anything out of the ordinary, I shrugged it off and started on my way again. Unfortunately, the feeling persisted, and with every step, my wariness grew. Slowing my pace down until I was barely moving, I peered deeper into the woods. Though I was certain that something was wrong, I was not scared. Something just felt… Strange.
It did not take long for me to find the source of my uneasiness. Standing amidst the silver trunks was the Lady Galadriel, her golden locks about her shoulders, her whole being shimmering in the pale morning light. Neither of us said a word as our eyes met. I was expecting her to smile in welcome, but no such expression graced her features as I gazed upon her. Furrowing my brows, I watched in confusion as Galadriel raised one of her hands to me before turning away, a silent gesture for me to follow.
Having no option but to follow her, I glanced around quickly before leaving the path and stepping onto the soft underbrush. My wariness increased with every step that I took after her, following her silent path through the woods. I could tell where she was taking me, and that only made me more worried. She was taking me to the Mirror. What would it have to show me? What was so important that Lady Galadriel had come to me herself, as opposed to sending a messenger for me? These questions and a thousand more whirled around in my head as I passed the silver mallorn trees.
Had it not been for Galadriel's grim expression, I would have had great hope for this meeting. Maybe the mirror could have shown me how I was supposed to get back home, or at least tell me how long I was going to be stuck here. But that was most definitely not the case this time. Though surely Galadriel had not the slightest idea of what I would see in her mirror, it was obvious that she had cause to be troubled.
The minutes of silence dragged on until finally we broke out of the woods and into the small clearing where the mirror stood on its stone pillar. It was already filled to the brim with water, indicating that it had been recently used. Did Galadriel see something about me in the mirror? Whatever it had been, it couldn't have been very good. Swallowing hard, I stopped a few steps shy of the mirror, afraid of getting to close to it before Galadriel instructed me to do so.
"I have seen something that troubles me greatly," Galadriel started suddenly, her deep voice shattering the stillness of the brisk morning. Lifting my chin, I met her eyes briefly before looking away, startled to see the concern in them. I did not want to know what she had seen in the water, but at the same time, anticipation was eating me alive.
"The Valar have spoken to me," she continued, her voice teetering on the edge of wariness, however she somehow managed to remain calm for my sake. I looked up at her quickly, avoiding her eyes. "They spoke of many things. You must look into the mirror, as they bade me to do. You must look upon what I have seen."
"What will I see?" I asked forced out, my voice small. Galadriel said nothing, simply turning her body towards the mirror that sat, still as glass before me. Pushing back the fear that was rising in my chest, I slowly stepped forward until finally I was face-to-face with the mirror.
I didn't want to look again. Suddenly, I didn't want to know what was going on, why I was stuck in a dimension that shouldn't even exist in real life. But I couldn't look away. By some power, I was being forced to look upon the mirror. And suddenly, the polished glass surface was rippling softly, small droplets leaping up and tickling my nose. And then everything was still.
As I watched, a sense of calmness enveloped me, and I stood still, barely breathing, as I was once again looking at myself. But this was no reflection. There was my face, eyes closed as if in a peaceful slumber. My head was resting on a stark white pillow, my hair brushed smooth and arranged about my face. I forgot all about the mirror as my view widened and I took in my surroundings, feeling more like a ghost now than a viewer through the window that was the mirror. As I stepped forward, I noticed that my sleeping form was resting on a bed, and all around me everything was white.
I jumped as a door behind me opened and my heart stopped as I saw two familiar figures enter the room. Mom and Dad! I wanted to run up to them and hug them, telling them how much I had missed them and about everything that had happened over the course of the past few months. But I stopped myself. For I was not really in the room, I could sense that. Instead, I turned to my sleeping body and finally clued in. I was in the hospital.
Panic set in as I watched my parents walk over to my bed. As my mom took a seat in the chair by my head, she gently reached out and began to gently comb her fingers through my hair, tears springing into her eyes. My heart stopped. What happened to me? What is going on?
I didn't get an answer to my internal question, as the scene before me suddenly began to blur and speed up. It stopped suddenly, and as I was shaking off the disorienting feeling that I had time travelled, the door to my room was pushing open again. Turning my head, I saw a small group of people enter my room. In their arms they held bouquets of flowers and cards. As I watched them put their gifts down on a table by my bed, I followed them over, my eyes scanning the cards. The words 'Get well soon,' glared up at me and I turned back towards the strangers who were now standing around my bed.
They said nothing, but they all had tears in their eyes. As I racked my brain, I suddenly recognised their faces. My classmates from my first year of University. These were people who had not spoken a single word to me during my time at University, and yet here they were now, shedding tears over me. Instead of feeling gratitude at their concern for me, I felt only anger. They had ignored me, and only now because I was, what? Dying? Only now they decided to care about me. I huffed, crossing my arms across my chest as they all departed, leaving me alone in the hospital room.
"Not alone," I said out loud, chills running down my spine as I turned to my sleeping body.
That's when I noticed all of the tubes. Suck into my arms are several tubes of varying colours and sizes, all hard at work pumping fluids in and out of my body. I suddenly felt like I needed to vomit, but held it back as I studied my body. A ventilator, which somehow had been invisible to me before, was strapped to my face, covering my nose and mouth. Several tubes were also visible protruding from beneath the ventilator, presumably from my nose. Whatever had happened to me, it had been bad. Unable to contain my fear a moment longer, I screamed, knowing full well that no one would be able to hear me.
And that was it.
I stumbled backwards as the mirror released me, collapsing to my knees. Immediately, I snapped my head up to look at Lady Galadriel, who was standing beside the mirror, looking down at me. I could see the concern in her eyes.
"Am I dying?" I said, my voice steadier than I had been expecting. I could have sworn that I saw the corners of Galadriel's mouth turn up in the slightest hint of a smile, and I looked at her, confused.
"You are not dying, my child," Galadriel answered me, walking towards me to stand in front of me. Though her words brought me some degree of comfort, I knew that there was more to this that what she was telling me. I didn't need to ask her to explain, for she quickly continued. "The Valar spoke to me in a dream. I was not sure at first if I had truly spoken with them, or if it had indeed been simply a dream. Through them I have learned that you are in a deep sleep from which you cannot be wakened. While your body may appear to be back on Earth, your spirit is here, harboured in an identical, and yet different, body. Without your spirit, the body you saw in the mirror is nothing more than an empty vessel."
"I'm in a coma," I whispered, interrupting her in disbelief. Galadriel nodded slowly, taking in the new term before continuing.
"The Vala Irmo has spoken these words, which I will now repeat for you to hear." Galadriel paused before continuing in the Common Tongue.
"A decision now lays before you, child of Ilúvatar. Many obstacles lay in your wake. We have reached the decision that you shall now be given a choice. Your old hröa lays still back on Earth; your family mourns you. And yet all the while, your fëa is here in Arda, your hröa whole and more capable than ever before. You change by the day. You wish to return to your home, and yet you have begun to adjust to this new way of living in a remarkable way."
"I, alongside my wife, Estë, have decided to give you a choice. Should you wish to return home at the end of your quest, you may do so, and regain your human form. However, you will never again be permitted to return to the land of Arda, not even in a state of dreams. Should you choose to remain in Middle Earth, you will retain your new elven form, and be bound to the rules of this world. You will never again see your family back on Earth, and your former body will die."
"Do not stray from the path which has been laid before you. You know of many of the perils that are to come. Do not use this knowledge to alter the course of the future, unless at the utmost need. You will meet many new people in the coming months, dear child. I hope that you will find your happiness, wherever it may take you."
I stood in a stunned silence, unable to make much sense of the words that Lady Galadriel has just spoken to me. So that's it. I can either go home and never come back, or stay and let my family mourn my death back home. They would have no idea that I wouldn't really be dead. Just dead to them. I took a step backwards as my thoughts pounded inside of my head. Lifting my hands, I clutched at my head, shutting my eyes tightly, trying to focus on the fact that I had been told outright that I would be able to go home. I want to go home. I can go home! I paused and opened my eyes. But when? At the end of my 'quest". What does that even mean?
"I too have been pondering the meaning of these words," Galadriel spoke up suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. I glanced up at her timidly. "However, it it plain to me now that you have a bigger part to play in the events to come. But you have learned much in such a short time, and I know that you are wary. Go and rest for now, child. I will have Raina bring you your breakfast."
I nodded, suddenly feeling as if the weight of the world had been dropped onto my shoulders yet again. After waiting for this moment for months, it had come. I now new what I had been yearning to know since my arrival in Lothlórien. But somehow, I felt even more troubled than I had before.
Turning around at Lady Galadriel's suggestion, I trudged back down the path that I had taken to the clearing. I wasn't really all that tired, but I needed to rest for a bit. Following the makeshift path, I slowly made my way through the trees in search of a spot to think about everything that I had just been told. After what seemed like forever, I came upon a small garden. In its midst there was a bench, and I made my way over to it, grateful for it.
Sinking down into the cushions, I lay down on my side and hugged my knees tightly, staring at the grass below the bench.
"What the hell did they mean by my 'quest'? I'm not going anywhere, much less on a quest."
The forest around me was quiet as I spoke to it, the branches still, not even a breeze to rustle the leaves. But as I listened closer, I could hear the small sounds that I had never taken much notice in before now. The gentle pitter-patter of some small animal in the undergrowth to my right. The soft flap of the wings of a bird as if leapt into the air. I opened my eyes and looked around me suddenly, trying to shake off the feeling of sleep that had suddenly tried to take ahold of my body. It was dark out.
Sitting up, I rubbed my arms to ward off the cold as I tried to remember how I had gotten here.
"Christa?" A voice called gently from behind me. Startled at the sudden intrusion of what I had now come to trust as a private place, I jumped slightly and turned to see Raina enter the garden, a look a relief on her face.
"Raina," I breathed, relaxing back down into the bench, closing my eyes.
"I have been searching for you since this morning. The Lady Galadriel gave me instructions to bring food to your lodgings, but you were no where to be found. I alerted her and she sent out several of the Galadhrim to help search for you." She finished, flustered.
I laughed through my grogginess "Oh Raina, why were you so worried? I meant to return to my flet, but I guess that I fell asleep…"
"The Lady Galadriel told me that you were under a great deal of stress, for reasons she did not disclose. She felt it best the we find you immediately. It would seem that you have managed to locate the most secluded garden in all of Lothlórien."
"I needed some time alone to think about things, and all of those stairs just seemed so daunting that I decided to sit here. I didn't plan on falling asleep. I wasn't even aware that I had been so tired until I woke up just now," I explained, hoping that Raina wasn't too frustrated with my antics. To my relief, she smiled and extended a hand to me.
"You must be cold, and surely you are famished. Come, we had better get you back up to your flet."
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't manage to get a wink of sleep once I had collapsed into my bed. Lying on my side in bed, I stared across the room at the door, wondering how much longer I would have to stay here. I had grown to know most of the city like the back of my hand, and even though I would miss it here, I knew beyond any doubt that I wanted to return to my family more than anything.
Flopping onto my other side, I tried to get comfortable, but I just couldn't. I tossed and turned for a few minutes before giving up on the idea of sleeping. Pulling myself from the bed, I stood in the dark stillness of the room. All I could think about were the pained faces of my mother and father. Had what I had seen in the mirror happened just today? How exactly had I gone into a coma? Where the doctors even able to give my parents an explanation as to what was wrong with me? As far as I knew, I had simply been sleeping. I reflected back on what Galadriel had told me about my body being empty. My fëa… that's like my spirit, if I remember correctly. So was she saying that basically, my spirit got transported here, and put into a new body? I shuddered at the thought. My old body, which was basically nothing more than an empty shell, was sitting back home, dormant, while my family gathered around it and wept.
Turning my attention from my disturbing thoughts, I shook my head and decided that I needed to occupy myself with something. Wandering over to the chair in the corner of my room, I sat down and turned to pick up the book that I had left on the table. I had not had any spare time for reading in a long time, and now seemed like a good a time as any to crack it open and pick up where I had left off. The lamp beside me illuminated as I lifted the book from the wooden surface and got comfortable in the chair. Opening it up, I watched as my piece of hay bookmark fell to the ground, dry and yellow.
Squinting at the words on the pages through the silver light of the lamp, I tried to focus on what I was reading. I just couldn't shake the feeling that whatever I needed to accomplish before I was allowed to go home wouldn't be much to my liking. What would they honestly ask you to do, Christa? You're basically useless. I mean, sure, you can use a bow and shoot half-decently most of the time. But they've got thousands of archers here who are at least a hundred times better than I could ever be. Sighing, I clutched the hard covers of the book tighter and read the first paragraph of the chapter for the third time, begging myself to pay attention to the words on the page. But I could not.
"Do not stray from the path which has been laid before you," I whispered to myself as I lifted my eyes from the page, repeating the words that Galadriel had spoken to me earlier. The Common Tongue felt strangely foreign on my lips. This was now the second time that I had been warned by on of the Valar to watch my step. "You know of many of the perils that are to come. Do not use this knowledge to alter the course of the future, unless at the utmost need."
I paused as the second part of the warning left my lips, suddenly able to guess what they had been talking about. The War of the Ring. I know how it ends. Are they warning me to just not tell anyone anything? Because I can definitely do that.
"But…" my voice caught in my throat as I spoke out into the darkness of my room. "That means that I'm going to have to stay here until the end of the war!"
Stricken at the thought of having to wait for so long to return to my family, I dropped the book into my lap and leaned forward, cradling my head in my hands. Tears quickly sprang to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Frustrated that I was crying yet again, I picked up the book and slammed it down onto the table before curling up into a ball on the chair. I cried until the sun rose.
I hope that ending isn't as bad as it seems to me right now. Oh well. I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out! I hope that you all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! As always, please let me know what you thought! I have a busy weekend but am still hoping to be able to work in some time for writing! Thanks for reading!
-Eru