Chapter 20:

"We're falling apart and coming together again and again

We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go

Don't let me go"

The Fray, Never Say Never

I couldn't believe it. For weeks, I had tried to come to terms with the idea of leaving Lothlórien, but now that I was officially a member of the Fellowship, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Me, your average girl, joining the Fellowship on their quest to save Middle Earth from the Dark Lord Sauron.

Except you're far from average, I reminded myself. No, it wasn't everyday that you got dragged into a different dimension, not to mention to fact that I wasn't entirely mortal anymore. And besides, I would have been perfectly happy to stay behind in Caras Galadhon, where it was safe and comfortable. It just so happened that the only way that I was going to be getting home was if I embarked on this quest.

I pulled myself up into a sitting position on my bed and stared out the window pensively. It had been a whole week since I had informed the Fellowship of my decision, and two days since Haldir had told me he was due to return. I hadn't been worried when he had failed to pay me a visit the day before, but now as the sun dropped below the trees, I was worried.

I knew that he had taken a pretty hard blow when I had told him that I would be leaving him, but a part of me was angry that he was opting to avoid me. Ordinarily, I would have been content to give him some distance and time to think about it, but Haldir had already had plenty of both of those things while he had been on patrol at the border. I saw no reason why he shouldn't have been seeking me out today. But alas, he hadn't.

Two days from now, I will be walking out of this flet for the last time. The thought made me nauseous, and I quickly shifted my thoughts back to Haldir. The change didn't particularly help calm my stomach, but leaving was the last thing that I wanted to think about right now.

What if he didn't even come to say goodbye? What if he showed up to escort the Fellowship to the river and that was it? Or worse, what if he completely bailed on being our escort? I gave my head a firm shake at this thought, positive that that was something that Haldir would never do. He was no coward. He would show up at some point to say goodbye, even if it was brief.

I tried not to let my worries bother me as I fell back into bed. I hadn't gotten much accomplished today, besides a visit to the stables. Faenelin had been on my mind for the better part of the week as well. Saying goodbye to the silver mare was going to be difficult as well, but at least I could rest easy knowing that she would be in good hands. Though she wouldn't understand where I had gone or why I had stopped paying her visits, she wouldn't take it the wrong way. She would miss me, but I knew that she was not capable to being angry with me for leaving.

Was Haldir angry with me? I really didn't know anymore. I had figured at first that I had just hurt him. I still knew that I had definitely hurt him, but now that he was ignoring me, I was starting to worry that I had made him mad. Letting out a tense sigh as the room darkened, I closed my eyes and willed myself to get some rest.

I awoke the next morning to a gentle knock on my door. Immediately, I jumped up from the bed and pulled yesterday's clothes, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I took a deep breath to calm myself as I smoothed my slightly wrinkled tunic, telling myself not to get too excited. There was no telling how Haldir would react when I opened that door. After quickly fixing my hair, I walked over to the door and pulled it open. My heart dropped.

"Oh, good morning, Raina," I said, the excitement wiped from my face. Slowly, the smile dropped from Raina's face as well, and I instantly felt awful.

"Is something the matter, Christa?" Raina asked me before I could explain myself. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, that was incredibly rude of me. It's just that I was expecting someone else," I replied guiltily, putting an apologetic smile on my face. Raina nodded her head in understanding, and I gestured for her to enter.

"Haldir has not been to see you?" she said once I had shut the door behind us. I shook my head, half in frustration and half in sadness.

"No. I've hurt him quite badly, I fear."

"I take it that he was quite distraught to learn that you will be leaving Caras Galadhon," Raina asked, and I looked at her in surprise. "The Lady Galadriel informed me a few days ago," she supplied. I bit my lip.

"I should have told you sooner, Raina. I'm sorry," I said, once again feeling like I had not treated her with the respect that she deserved.

"There is no need for apologies, Christa. I know how much pressure you have been under lately," she replied with a soft smile. "On the topic of your venture, I have brought you these," she continued, holding out a rather large bundle the was wrapped in a dark grey linen. I took it from her in surprise.

"I hope that you like them," she added as I placed the bundle on my bed and untied to cord that was holding it together. Unfolding the linen, I revealed a bundle of clothes. Pulling the first item out, I held it up to look at it. The soft grey suede fell and I found myself holding what appeared to be a tunic of sorts. The sleeveless garment had a slight bluish hue that changed in different lighting, and was embroidered with silver threat on the bodice. It had laces running up the front, made of silk. I laid it down on my bed and pulled out the rest of the items, laying them flat on my bed.

"I had everything made specially for you. They should fit you rather well," she said as I admired the pair of breeches that I had just unfolded. They too were a shade of grey, though slightly darker than the tunic, and where made of soft suede for grip.

The last thing in the bundle was a pair of dark grey leather boots, with laces running up the inside of the calf. They were already supple and soft between my fingers. Laying them out on the bed alongside the rest of the garments, I looked over at Raina appreciatively. "I love them," I said with a large smile.

"I'm glad to hear it," she replied with a smile of her own. "Tomorrow morning before you leave, I will be bringing you a few more things that I think you will be glad to have with you," she added as I handed her the piece of linen and the cord. I nodded, grasping her forearm lightly in farewell before she excused herself from my flet.

Turning back to the items that covered my bed, I pursed my lips as I tried to figure out in my mind what was what and how I was supposed to wear it all. There were the obvious necessities, several pairs of undergarments and socks, both thick and thin for whatever weather we would be encountering on our journey south. Then there was what appeared to be a plain white short-sleeved undershirt made of cotton. Next I assumed would be the silver-blue shirt. It was made of silk, with suede of a slightly lighter colour running along the arms. It also had some silver thread work on the front near the buttons. Over that I assumed would go the long tunic that I had unfolded first.

The breeches were self-explanatory, as were the boots. There were a couple of other items that had me slightly baffled, and I picked them up to examine them. One was obviously a corset of sorts, but I was unsure if it was supposed to go under my clothes or over them. Running my fingers along the lather, I admired the detail that had been put into it. It was a supple leather, but not as soft and slightly thicker than the boots. This was meant to be armor of sorts. I decided that it wasn't meant to be hidden completely, and that I would wear it between the silk shirt and the outer tunic.

The next items were a set, made from the same dark leather as the corset. It didn't take me long to figure out that they were bracers for my forearms, and I quickly fastened them over top of my tunic to try them on. They fit like a glove, and I took a moment to admire the patterns that were sewn onto the leather. None of my other clothes had ever had this much detail put into them. I wondered how much these garments had cost to make, and I marveled at the fact that they were mine to keep.

The leather straps they I picked up next was by far the most confusing item. I did finally figure out that it was meant to be a holster of sort for my quiver, more secure than the one I used now. It had a belt that was buckled around my waist, as well as one that wrapped over my left shoulder and a small strap that fastened under my left arm.

The final item was a simple glove, with the fingers cut off halfway. It was fitted for neither of my hands specifically, but I knew that I would want to wear it on my right hand to prevent me from getting sores from the bowstring.

Once I had figured out what everything was, I folded it all back up as neatly as I could and placed it on the table. Tomorrow when I woke, I would be dressing in those clothes. The thought both excited me and scared me at the same time. As I stepped back from the table, my eyes shifted to the stack of letters that sat beside the clothes, and I sighed. I was going to have to go and find Haldir for myself.

I planned to bathe quickly, but I found myself taking twice as long to do everything in an effort to procrastinate. I was being stubborn, that was the truth. I didn't want to give Haldir the satisfaction of going out of my way to hunt him down. Then again, he was probably thinking in the same mindset as me, as stubborn as he was. When I did finally finish up in the bath, I wrapped myself up in a towel and took a seat at the vanity to brush my hair.

What was I going to say to Haldir anyways? I had said everything that needed to be said. Well, everything that you can say. There was so much to say that I was too afraid to tell him. It's all in the letters. I just had to keep reminding myself that everything Haldir could know was written down on those pieces of parchment.

My finger brushed against the tip of my ear as I started a braid, and I smiled. It was still a strange feeling, and yet somehow I had gotten used to them. They seemed natural now, but not like they were mine. It was a difficult feeling to describe, almost as though I was used to seeing them and feeling them there, but that I didn't feel like they belonged to me. I finished off the braids quickly and stood up, only to be startled back into sitting down by a knock on the door. This time, my heart raced and there was no controlling it.

"One minute!" I called as I hurried to get dressed. Opting for a dress simply due to time, I pulled one on and tied it up before hurrying to the door. Turning around before I reached the door, I quickly grabbed the letters and hid them beneath the stack of clothes. My hands trembled as grasped the door handle, and I took a deep breath to calm myself before pulling it open. Just as I had suspected, Haldir was standing outside of my door. I smiled, unsure as to what to expect from him emotionally.

"Haldir, I'm so glad to see you," I said wholeheartedly. I was relieved to see him offer me a sad smile as I ushered him through the door. I turned to face him after I closed the door, looking up at him.

"I must apologize for my behaviour," he said, the smile disappearing from his lips. His brow creased and his eyes melted into mine. I felt my own smile fade and I grasped his hands in my own.

"You don't need to apologize," I replied, giving his hands a squeeze. "Really. I understand how much I must have hurt you. Just know that that was the last thing that I ever wanted to do, hurt you, I mean." My voice grew weak as it began to tremble.

"I know that this has been bothering you for some time. It was never my intention to make you feel guilty for your decision, but I failed," Haldir explained quickly, losing his composure slightly. I gripped his hands tighter, not wanting to see him fall apart. "It is hard for me to see why you must leave, but I realise that there is a larger problem here that I cannot be privy to. In the end, I wish only for you to be happy, and if this is what you must do to find your happiness, then I would not hold you back."

I swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat and held back the tears that I felt pricking my eyes. "I am sorry, Haldir. I wish that I could stay. I want nothing more than to stay here, but I must leave." That's not true, and you know it. You want to go home, more than anything. That's why you have to leave. You haven't found happiness yet. That's what I had to keep reminding myself. If I was truly happy, the Valar would have returned and offered me the choice to return home. Right?

"I know," he replied with a hint of a smile. I reflected the expression before letting go of his hands. "I brought you a gift."

I watched in curiosity as he reached over his shoulder and removed his bow, holding it out to me. I quickly shook my head, my lips parted in disbelief. "Haldir, I can't."

"Please, Christa. I want you to have it," Haldir held it out to me again, insisting. Hesitantly, I reached out to grasp it lightly, still not entirely wanting him to let it go.

"Haldir, I have my own bow," I said in an attempt to persuade him to keep it. He smiled and chuckled softly before letting go of the bow.

"Your bow was never meant for combat. This one has already been put through many tests, and has weathered them with ease. I can acquire another bow easily; I want you to have this one."

After holding his gaze for a few moments, I could tell that he really did want nothing more than for me to take it with me. I held the bow up and looked at it closely, my fingers tracing the golden designs that adorned it. It was longer than my bow, and it would take some getting used to, but I felt honoured to just be holding it. Looking back up at Haldir, I smiled.

"Okay," I said finally, clutching the bow gently. Haldir nodded, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. On impulse, I reached up and wrapped both of my arms around Haldir's neck, careful not to hit him with the bow. Pressing my cheek into his chest, I squeezed him tightly and took a deep breath before I let go and stepped back with a smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning," Haldir said after a moment, smiling despite the sadness in his eyes.

"See you," I replied with a sad smile of my own, watching as he turned and left, closing the door silently behind him.

I did not linger in my flet for long. I had too many things to do to waste my time brooding over what tomorrow would bring. Soon after Haldir had left, I decided that it was time to head down to the stables to say my goodbyes to the horses.

The air was crisp as I made my way along the path to the stables, watching as my breath formed clouds in front of me. The air was still, with barely a whisper from the breeze in the trees. I soon arrived at the stables and ventured inside, walking along the cobblestone aisle until I came to Faenelin's stall.

Hearing my footsteps, the grey mare poked her head out over her stall door and let out a gentle nicker. I laughed as I reached into my tunic and pulled out the carrot that I had brought along with me. I rubbed the old mare behind her ears as I listened to her crunching on the treat. When she had finished up the carrot, I opened the door and slipped inside of her stall, enveloping her in a big hug around her neck. Faenelin nuzzled my back gently, sniffing for more treats.

"That's all I brought, sweet girl," I replied softly, closing my eyes as I leaned into her warmth. Breathing in deeply, I took in the wonderful horsey smell that I treasured and tried to lock it away someplace safe in my memory. I would hold it close if I ever needed something to calm myself down during the journey.

Deciding that I had enough time to take the mare out for a ride, I slipped the mare's halter over her ears and led her outside. I hopped on bareback and we started off around the fields, both content to simply walk and enjoy each other's company.

I didn't say anything as we walked by the forest's edge, my thoughts wandering as I swayed to the mare's steps. Faenelin kept her head out in front of her, one ear pricked forward attentively while her other ear was directed back casually in my direction. She was probably wondering why I was being so quiet, since I usually chatted away on our rides alone. I gave her neck a reassuring pat, smiling to myself.

We didn't stay out too long. After one lap around the fields I decided that I had best be getting on with my day. When I halted Faenelin outside of the stables, I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around her neck, reluctant to dismount. I knew that this was the last time that I would ever see the mare, and I wanted to linger in this moment forever. The silver mare blew through her nose gently, bringing her head around to lip at the toe of my boot playfully, and I laughed. Sliding off, I landed on the ground and gave the mare a pat before leading her inside.

Though she didn't need a brushing, I spent a short while making her shine. Faenelin appreciated the grooming, and munched on her hay in contentment as I ran the soft brush over her silver coat until it gleamed in the sunlight that beamed down through the skylights. Tossing the brush back in the grooming tote, I leaned on the stall wall and sighed, smiling across the box at the mare. Picking up her head, Faenelin glanced over at me and nickered quietly.

Crossing the stall, I held her head to my chest, pushing my nose into her forelock. "I'm going to miss you so much, old girl."

Faenelin butted me playfully with her forehead and I laughed despite my sadness. I knew that she wouldn't want me to cry, so I held back my tears and rubbed her behind her ears. Animals had always been a weak point for me, and knowing that this mare had been one of the major reasons why I had been able to survive my time in Lothlórien made it that much harder to let her go. But I knew that I had to.

Shutting my eyes tightly, I planted a long, lingering kiss on her forehead, holding her close. After pulling away, I kissed her again a few times on her nose, before chuckling sadly.

"Thank you, Fae," I said as I straightened up. The mare looked at me through her chocolate brown eyes and I smiled, feeling truly blessed that I had met her. I turned and stepped out of her stall, latching the door behind me. Blowing one last kiss in her direction, I turned and started off down the aisle.

"Hérion?" I called as I neared the office at the end of the aisle. I heard the ruffling of papers and decided to poke my head in, hoping that I wasn't disturbing him.

"Christa, how are you?" came his reply as I peeked in. He was sitting at his desk, sifting through several stacks of parchment. I smiled as he glanced up at me.

"I'm well, thanks," I replied, taking the liberty of stepping into the small space. "I came to say goodbye." I watched as Hérion paused what he was doing and looked up at me again.

"You are leaving?" he asked, brows furrowed slightly. I nodded with a sad smile.

"Yes. I depart in the morning."

Hérion stood from her chair and walked over, stopping in front of me. Extending my hand, we clasped each other's forearm and squeezed. "I'm so glad to have met you, Hérion. Thank you for letting me ride Faenelin."

"Thank you for your help, Christa. I am glad to have met you," he replied with a wide smile. "Safe travels, mellon."

I smiled broadly and let go of his arm, bowing my head in farewell before dipping back out of his office. I think that does it for goodbyes, then. I will be seeing Raina in the morning, and Haldir as well. Galadriel and Celeborn will be present to see us off.

I soon found myself back at my flet, sitting by myself on my bed. I was pretty much all set for the morning, now. All I had left to do was run through the very short list of things that I wanted to bring along with me. I had only a small bag for carrying supplies, but I didn't have much to bring along anyways. I would wear my hair clip, and everything else that I owned could be worn on my person. I had a few other small trinkets that I had picked up recently at the market: a small pocket knife, a tinderbox, a new hairbrush, some leather for tying my hair, and some extra bowstring. I also had some extra packets of arrows that I was going to want to bring along with me.

Scanning the room, I debated going down to spend some time with the Fellowship, but decided against it. I had spent enough time with them lately getting to know them, and I didn't want to be in their hair while they decided what our next course of action would be. You are a member of the Fellowship now. You're allowed to be there for such talks. I just didn't feel comfortable enough yet to take part in those discussions, or help make decisions.

Well, you're going to have to get used to it.

What I needed right now was some time alone, and this was going to be the last opportunity to be by myself for a while.

Morning came too soon. I squinted as the sunlight hit my eyes, blinking hard as I stirred. Rolling over onto my side, I stared across the room at the pile of clothes that lay on the table, and instantly felt sick to my stomach. Today was the day.

It took all of my effort to not roll back over and go back to sleep. Maybe if I overslept, the Fellowship would just leave without me. No. You have to go. If you don't go, you don't get home. With that thought, I heaved myself out of bed and trudged over pick up the bundle of clothes, before heading to the bathroom.

I bathed quickly but efficiently, making sure that I was as clean as possible. I didn't know when I would be able to bathe again, so I made the most of it. I dried off and combed through my hair before pulling it into my customary braids, before deciding to add them to a full braid down the back of my head. I didn't need lose hair flying all over the place and getting in my face.

"Time to see if these fit," I murmured as I eyed the garments. That would be an unpleasant surprise. I slipped into the undergarments first, opting for one of the thicker pairs of socks. The simple undershirt was really comfortable, with a fair amount of stretch. It offered some support as well, which I was grateful for.

I pulled the breeches on next. They were thicker and slightly stiffer than the cotton breeches that I had grown accustomed to, but they fit me like a glove and I knew that I would love them once I was used to them. The silver followed, and I did up the buttons near the collar with nervous fingers.

The I put on the corset next, making sure that there were no wrinkles under the leather that would bother me later. I tied it up on the side before taking a quick walk around the room to see if it was tied tight enough. I ended up retying it a couple of times before it felt right, but once it was tight, it felt almost like a second skin.

The outer tunic went on next, and I laced up the front quickly, tying it off with a small knot at the bottom. I pulled on the last few items, fiddling with the buckles and ties until everything felt comfortable, before I looked in the mirror. It was a startling sight, seeing myself dressed in such a manner. It all looked too fancy, but at the same time, I felt amazing. I admired the outfit in the mirror for a few moments longer, until I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I called, knowing that it was Raina. Sure enough, I ventured out of the bathroom to see her placing a with a few small packets on the bed.

"Good morning, Christa. I would have brought your breakfast, but it appears that you will be fed before you depart," she said as I walked over to greet her.

"Thank you, Raina," I replied, actually thankful that she hadn't brought breakfast. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to keep it down later, if I even managed to eat it at all. I was far too nervous.

"I brought these though," she added, gesturing the the packets that she had set down. "They are for your moon," she explained as I picked one up to examine it. I turned to her, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"My moon?"

"Yes. It was my understanding that mortals received their moon in accordance with the cycles of the moon, yet you have not expressed a need for such items. Elves receive them during Echuir, which began a short while ago, so I figured that you may yet need them on your travels."

I continued to look at the package in confusion, before Raina's explanation finally made sense. "Oh!" I exclaimed, looking at Raina as I stifled a laugh. "That's very thoughtful of you, but I won't be needing these," I laid the package back down on the bed. Raina eyed me, perplexed.

"Do mortals of your land not bleed?" she asked me, struggling to comprehend why I didn't need the elvish feminine hygiene products. I couldn't help but laugh now, feeling slightly bad and hoping that I wasn't embarrassing her.

"No, no, it's nothing like that," I said, wondering how I was going to explain this to her. "I actually can't have children," I said simply. I was met with wide eyes that quickly dropped to the floor.

"I am so sorry. I did not know," she said quickly, colour rising to her cheeks. I stepped forward quickly and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Actually, as odd as this may sound, I never wanted any children anyway," I said, hoping this would calm her down. "There's no need to apologise, it doesn't bother me." Raina looked back up at me.

"You never cease to surprise me," she replied after a moment, and we shared a laugh.

I helped her pick up the packets before she offered one back to me. "This one contains a small farewell gift," she explained.

"You didn't have to get me anything. Besides, you already brought me these clothes," I said with a smile.

"I am glad to see that they fit well. I insist, however, that you take this gift as well," Raina replied softly.

Unfolding the linen, I pulled out a silver chain. Dangling from the bottom was a tiny silver horse head, mane flying in the wind. My lips parted and I looked back up at Raina, who was already smiling.

"You know me well," I said with a grin. "I love it. Thank you, Raina." I immediately unclasped it and put it around my neck. "Thank you for everything that you have done for me during my stay here. I honestly don't think that I would have been able to survive a day in this city without your guidance and assistance!"

"It was a pleasure and an honour," she replied, her eyes shining.

I knew that it was not the elven custom, but I couldn't help but wrap the elleth in a warm embrace. If she was surprised, she played it off well, even wrapping her own arms around my back lightly. When I let her go, there were tears brimming her eyes.

"Don't cry, you'll make me cry!" I laughed, though I felt my own eyes watering over at the sight. She laughed and wiped them away, stifling a sob as she smiled.

"Stay safe, Christa."

"Thank you, Raina," I replied, letting a tear roll down my cheek. I was unashamed to cry in front of Raina. She had seen me at both my best and my worst, and I loved her for caring for me so unconditionally. With a final smile, we nodded in farewell and I saw her out the door.

Then I was alone again. Tucking the pendant safely beneath my shirt, I did one final sweep of my room as I munched on my breakfast. It was strange, knowing that this was the last time that I would be in the space. Despite the slim odds of ever using it, I grabbed a bar of soap from the bathroom and tossed it into my bag. Fearing that I had already lingered in my flet for too long, I fastened my quiver to its holster and grabbed Haldir's bow and my extra arrows. I was going to grab Haldir's cloak, but realised with excitement that I was going to be getting my own later on.

This is it. I hoisted my bag over my shoulders and opened the door, the brisk February air hitting me as I walked through, never to return.

The climb down the stairs passed much too quickly for my liking, and I soon found myself striding across the lawn towards the Fellowship's pavilion.

"Good morning," I said to the group as I approached. They had begun to pack up their things, which were few. Legolas looked up as I neared the camp and smiled warmly.

"Hello, Christa," he said, eyeing the bow in my hand curiously. He looked away before I could comment, perhaps sensing a touchy subject. The other members seemed pretty down in spirits, but Legolas kept a positive demeanor, true to his book character. I was thankful for this.

"You were not present last night," Legolas added as I glanced around the camp, taking note of the hobbits, who looked particularly forlorn. Aragorn, also, was not his usual charismatic self, offering me only a quick nod in greeting as he helped the hobbits to pack up their bedrolls.

I looked up at him, realising that the meeting with Celeborn and Galadriel had slipped my mind. "I actually forgot," I said sheepishly, looking back up at the elf.

"It has been decided that we will journey down the river Anduin. Lord Celeborn has gifted us with several boats."

"That was very gracious of him," I replied, doing my best to seem thankful at this news. It was going to be harder than I had originally thought, playing along as if I didn't already know the story. However, I knew that it would be advantageous for me. I didn't think that I would have stood a chance at surviving the journey if I didn't know of the perils ahead.

I soon noticed a group of elves crossing the lawn, their arms laden with many things. They greeted us as they approached, speaking in the Common Tongue. Taking a closer look at the items that they were carrying, my heart skipped a beat in excitement. While some elves were holding packs that surely contained food, the others were bearing bundles of grey cloth, which could only have been the cloaks.

"We bring you gifts of food and clothing," one elf said with a warm smile.

"Cram," Gimli muttered quietly as he opened up one of the packages and broke off a small piece of bread. The bread was wrapped in a green mallorn leaf, and I smirked as I watched his expression change to one of surprise as he tasted it. He quickly devoured the rest of the bread, and I held back a chuckle.

"No more, no more!" the elves said as they watched Gimli eat the lembas, laughing. "You have eaten enough already for a long day's march."

"I thought it was only a kind of cram, such as the Dale-men make for journeys in the wild," Gimli replied, sheepishly. I grinned at the dwarf.

"So it is, but we call it lembas or waybread, and it is more strengthening than any food made by Men, and it is more pleasant than cram, by all accounts."

"Indeed it is," Gimli replied, looking down at the empty wrapping in his hands. "Why it is better than the honey-cakes of the Beornings, and that is great praise, for the Beornings are the best bakers that I know of; but they are none too willing to deal out their cakes to travelers in these days. You are kindly hosts!"

"All the same, we bid you spare the food," the elf replied, smiling broadly at Gimli's words. "Eat little at a time, and only at need. For these things are given to serve you when all else fails. The cakes will keep sweet for many many days, if they are unbroken and left in their leaf-wrappings, as we have brought them. One will keep a traveler on his feet for a day of long labour, even if he be one of the tall Men of Minas Tirith."

Next, the elves each unfolded the cloaks they were holding in their arms. Stepping forward, they clasped them around our necks, fastening them each with a brooch. My heart beat rapidly in my chest as mine was fastened, in disbelief that this was actually happening to me.

"Are these magic cloaks?" asked Pippin from beside me, looking down at his cloak in amazement.

"I do not know what you mean by that," the elf replied with a confused smile. "They are fair garments, and the web is good, for it was made in this land. They are elvish robes certainly, if that is what you mean. Leaf and branch, water and stone: they have the hue and beauty of all these things under the twilight of Lórien that we love; for we put the thought of all that we love into all that we make. Yet they are garments, not armour, and they will not turn shaft or blade. But they should serve you well: they are light to wear, and warm enough or cool enough at need. And you will find them a great aid in keeping out of the sight of unfriendly eyes, whether you walk among the stones or the trees. You are indeed high in the favour of the Lady! For she herself and her maidens wove this stuff; and never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people."

I listened intently as the elf talked about the cloaks, my fingers running across the smooth fabric in awe. I have my own Fellowship cloak!

Breakfast was brought to us next, and I forced myself to eat a few bites. My stomach threatened to turn itself upside down at any moment, and I stopped eating for fear of throwing up. It was a magnificent meal, but I looked upon the food with contempt. I knew that I would regret not eating a full meal later on, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat anymore.

I was distracted from the meal as I noticed another figure striding across the lawn. Haldir was clad in grey, his face somber. I met his gaze briefly as he approached, managing a small smile. He smiled also, though I could tell that it was not sincere.

'I have returned from the Northern Fences,' Haldir spoke as he came to stand in front of us. "and I am sent now to be your guide again. The Dimrill Dale is full of vapour and clouds of smoke, and the mountains are troubled. There are noises in the deeps of the earth. If any of you had thought of returning northwards to your homes, you would not have been able to pass that way. But come! Your path now goes south." He turned to me as he finished speaking, and my heart ached.

I picked up my bow and quiver, fastening them overtop of my cloak. Following Haldir across the lawn, we started off along the main road. I walked behind Haldir, Merry and Pippin at my side. We followed the path through the woods, passing the market and the archery range. With each memory that sprang into my mind, I felt my stomach lurch. I was leaving all of them behind, but what choice did I have?

It didn't take us too long to leave the city centre behind. The ground felt familiar beneath my feet, and I knew that this would have been the same path that I had been led along when I had first arrived in Middle Earth. I was glad to be able to see the ground before me this time, as well as the forest around me.

As we continued on, I noticed the changes that were happening to the woods around me. The golden leaves had begun to drop from their branches, and in their place were leaves of green and silver. Golden flowers blossomed among them as the forest floor was blanketed in the fallen leaves, the trees never bare. I was leaving this beautiful place just as Spring rolled around, and it gave me a strange feeling.

We soon came to a large gate, which was opened as we approached. Passing through, we crossed over a bridge before leaving the stone road behind. The pathway narrowed as it weaved downhill through the trees, which were growing smaller with each step. The walk was easy, but my feet dragged nonetheless, for I had left Caras Galadhon behind me forever.

It must have been almost noon by the time we reached the edge of the forest. Passing through a tall hedge wall, I saw suddenly the glimmer of the water not far away. Between us and the water was a lawn, the grass bright green in the sunlight. There were a few trees that I did not recognise dotting the lawn, but otherwise the lawn was clear. To our right, the Silverlode flowed swift to meet the Great River on our left. The Goldenwood reached out behind us, tall and regal, while across the river the banks were bare. Beyond the banks the trees grew thick again, but they were dark and menacing. I shivered.

We walked across the lawn, stopping when we arrived at a small harbour were several boats were docked. Among them were three grey boats, where the elves that had traveled with us placed our supplies. Sam picked up a coil of rope that way lying in the grass, looking at it intently as the other coils were placed in the boats.

"What are these?" he asked no one in particular.

"Ropes indeed!" one of the elves replied as he packed the boats "Never travel far without a rope! And one that is long and strong and light. Such are these. They may be a help in many needs."

"You don't need to tell me that! I came without any and I've been worried ever since. But I was wondering what these were made of, knowing a bit about rope-making: it's in the family as you might say," Sam replied enthusiastically.

"They are made of hithlain," the elf replied. "but there is no time now to instruct you in the art of their making. Had we known that this craft delighted you, we could have taught you much. But now alas! unless you should at some time return hither, you must be content with our gift. May it serve you well!"

"Come!" Haldir spoke up as the last of our goods were placed into the boats. "All is now ready for you. Enter the boats! But take care at first!"

"Heed the words!" the other elves cautioned. "These boats are light-built, and they are crafty and unlike the boats of other folk. They will not sink, lade them as you will; but they are wayward if mishandled. It would be wise if you accustomed yourselves to stepping in and out, here where there is a landing-place, before you set off downstream."

With those words, the hobbits took the advice as began to acquaint themselves with the boats. I stood on the docks, content to wait until the hobbits had gotten used to the rocking of the boats. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned my chin to see Haldir looking down at me.

"Would you join me for a moment?" he asked, his voice soft. I nodded wordlessly and followed him back towards the woods. Once we were away from the others, he turned to me. I looked at his chest, knowing that this was goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I didn't want to look into his eyes knowing that it would be the last time. I was only vaguely aware of his hands as they played with my hair, pulling it from its braid. He swiftly added a small braid down the side of my head, running along behind my ear.

"This is my last gift to you. You are headed off to fight for Middle Earth, you are a warrior now." I reached up to feel the thin braid, not knowing what to say in response, before making sure to cover up my ears again.

"Goodbye, Haldir," I said quietly after a long moment, knowing that the clock was ticking. The Fellowship would be waiting for me. Haldir grasped my hands.

"This is not goodbye," he said firmly, his eyes piercing mine. I took a shaky breath, unable to believe his words. "I promise you, I will see you again. After this is all over…" he trailed off, his eyes never leaving mine. I nodded.

"Okay," I said simply, my hands trembling. After a moment, I fell into his chest, wrapping my arms around his torso, holding him tightly. Haldir embraced me too, burying his nose into my hair and taking a deep breath. I closed my eyes, never wanting to let him go. Time lingered on, and it felt like an age had passed by the time I felt Haldir loosen his arms. I clung to him a few seconds longer before forcing myself to let go.

I looked up at him, offering him one last smile. Haldir returned the gesture, his eyes filled with sorrow. No more words were needed; there was nothing left to say. Taking a deep breath, I turned and strode back off towards the docks, the smile falling from my lips.

Goodbye, Haldir.

Nooooo poor Haldir! Poor Christa! I'm SO happy with this chapter, and I hope that you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I had originally intended on taking this chapter until they sailed away on the boats, but it just felt right to end it here, plus the chapter was getting long.

Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought! We are almost to 150 reviews and that makes me feel so incredibly honoured. I still can't believe how successful this story has become, and I have all of you readers to thank for that!

Remember to check out the tumblr blog, Waking-Dreams-Fanfic! I will be posting neat things like location updates, clothing and weapon designs, music, and other things as soon as the journey kicks off!

Thank you for reading!

-Eru