Chapter 8

10 Years Earlier

The first day of third grade. Exciting. Nauseating. A mix of feelings for the big blue eyed Lucas Friar, who, had just moved from Houston, Texas to Miami. His dad had moved the family for work opportunities, and despite Lucas' on-going anxiety and recent therapy sessions, he uprooted their entire lives for a fresh start in sunny Miami, Florida.

"You'll do fine today, Lucas," began Mrs. Friar, with a smile from ear to ear as she fixed her son's bowtie, "I hear Miami is one of the friendliest places on Earth."

Which, of course, was a lie, but the kid was 8. You've gotta feed him a little false hope once in awhile.

The boy nodded, Mrs. Friar kissed her son on the cheek, and little Lucas Friar was off on the bus, his Transformers lunch box tucked securely under his arm and his green backpack a wee bit too high above his bottom.

The bus ride to school was standard. Spit balls flying from all directions, elementary schoolers cursing profoundly and nearly getting into fist fights, if it weren't for the bus monitor, and Slim Jim packages all about the scuffed-up floor. Little Lucas sat in the very first seat, head up against the window. He was all to himself, praying to God nobody would make a comment about his appearance. And sure enough, he was blessed. All until he arrived at school in Mrs. Stacy's third grade classroom.

"Settle down, kids," Mrs. Stacy would cry out from her desk, although she didn't actually mean it. She could very obviously care less, as she sat at her seat, heels up on a stack of textbooks placed on the cherry oak top, scrolling through her Facebook feed as Johnny Jr. and Alexander were about to pull a full-on UFC fight by the cubbies.

Lucas sat by the window, doing his best to look occupied by playing with a train set until a pretty blonde with a My Little Pony sweater on sat beside him.

"You look bored."

And so the harassment began. Lucas was expecting this, but from a girl? A measly three and a half foot girl, mind you. Lucas slowly backed away, and the girl snatched a train from his reach and started to move it around the tracks.

"Vroom, vroom," whispered the young girl, as she aimlessly moved the train about. Lucas raised an eyebrow in suspicion, and slowly, he followed her lead.

"My name is Maya," announced the blonde, "I'll sit with you at lunch today. My mama packed me a peanut butter sandwich."

Maya's POV

School had increasingly become less weird. Surprising, I know, considering Lucas is literally pretending to like his girlfriend, when in reality he's in love with me, or whatever.

At lunch, Lucas and I would start to make eye contact. Not like that intense eye contact that means-something-deeper-in-the-movies eye contact, but just casual glances like all buds do.

"This weekend The Longest Ride is coming out. You, me, Farkle, Lucas?" says Riley during lunch, while Lucas' eyes met mine. I looked down, per usual.

"Sounds like a plan!" I said, smiling at Riley who was surprised by unusual perkiness.

"Someone's a bit chipper," said Riley, raising an eyebrow, "Explain."

"Well, I've had a bit of an epiphany," I began, "I realized what I want in my life."

"Which would be?"

"Happiness. I want to be happy."

Suddenly, Lucas' head popped up, and his eyes traced between Riley and I, but I continued to ignore him. It was like he fueled me. He fueled me to be this eager, enthusiastic little twat that I know he hates deep down. Kinda like Riley, which is really rotten.

Riley smiled, patting my back, and Lucas continued to look confused. Lately, all he's been is confused, but I shouldn't be one to pass any judgements. I too was confused, just not as prominent in my emotions, which I should try to work on. It would've saved me from a whole lot of this mess I'm in.

3 Hours Later

My newly found positive outlook on life helped improve my aura greatly. Not only did I smile at every person who I made eye contact with (which, I must admit, around 70% of the people found terribly creepy, but I digress) but my actual life problems seemed to fade into the background. My problem with Lucas was temporary and would be easily resolved eventually. Until then, I had to focus on me. I, myself, am a much more important target to focus my every thought on rather than some boy. And I do need some me time. I need time to figure out me. And not me being with Lucas or my problems with Lucas, but things like college and what the hell I'm going to do with my life after I graduate from this shithole.

And then a hand grabbed mine, pulled me into a side hallway, and I realized it was happening. Again.

"I'm not doing this again."

Lucas, all sweaty from gym with a towel around his neck, stood before me, with that concerned-puppy-dog look plastered on his annoying face all over again. This whole positive outlook on life seemed to work on everyone but him.

"You aren't serious about that movie, are you?"

"Are you?"

"Of course not."

"Well, why not?"

Lucas looked at me like I was stupid. Which, I was, but that's not the point.

"We can barely control ourselves in school. What makes you think we'll survive in a dark stuffy movie theatre?"

I almost threw up. Seriously. I felt a bit of that hamburger I ate from lunch come up my throat, had to grasp the wall for support, and finally settled down before I could turn to Lucas and bitch out this incompetent asshole.

"Are you implying you and I have sexual tension? Some sort of unspoken, undeclared relationship in which neither of us discuss our feelings nor do anything merely romantic?"
"We kissed in the car that one time."
"That isn't the point."

Lucas looked down, then looked up again, trying to regain his composure.

"I still have feelings for you. Whether you change personalities or not, I still have feelings for you. And I know somewhere, deep down inside that heartless body standing before me, is a girl who feels the same way about me."

I smirked. He couldn't be serious, could he?

"Look, I know you're into all this lovey-dovey bullshit, and that's cool and all, but save it for Riley. I'm not into it."

I turned to walk away, and Lucas, yet again, grabbed my hand, but laced his fingers through mine.

"Tell me you don't feel anything, and I'll leave you alone."

The hallway suddenly got silent, and Lucas was looking deep into my eyes, with his warm hand entangled in mine. It was awkward, to be honest. I just stood against the wall, as his hand was awkwardly groping mine. But I couldn't say I didn't feel anything. There was something there, something I couldn't make out, something I couldn't comprehend, and it had me back at square one Maya—lost, confused and wanting to move to Iceland to become a sheep herder.

"I don't feel anything."

And I left.

2:56

Reality was hitting me. It was cold, it was hard, and it was brutally honest, and I wasn't sure if I could take it. Reality sucked.

It came at me like a train, the solution to all of this mess. And I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to. It was the only way. It was the only way.

I scrambled for my phone in my bag, my heart racing through my chest and my hands trembling. I could barely search through my contacts to find what I needed.

The rest of the day and the classes following were standard. I was strong. I was independant. I didn't let my feelings show when Lucas held my hand. I didn't let the urge to cry out and hug and kiss him all at once overrule my dignity, the puny amount of pride I had left.

And it felt great. It was an amazing feeling, being powerful. Until I had gotten off my bus, let the events of my day settle in, and realize what an awful mess I was in. I could hide behind my female fatale aura as long as I wanted, but it wouldn't hide the fact that I had emotions that needed to be dealt with. I could be beautiful and cruel as long as I wanted, but Lucas was right. Somewhere, somewhere behind my big, mean exterior was a heart. Sure, this may have been the inappropriate way to deal with this jumble of emotions, but it would work. It sure as hell would work.

I dialed the phone number quickly, praying it wouldn't go to voicemail. It couldn't go to voicemail. It couldn't.

And when I heard heavy breathing and a raspy voice slur out a, "Hello?" I sat up.

"Josh? Can I see you?"