Chapter 10

"Maybe, maybe in another time, or-or another life, Lucas, you and I could be together. We could be happy together. We could have that condo up North you've always dreamed of, and we could hold hands in public without me worrying about Riley. I could- I could kiss you, and not feel guilty about it a minute later. I love you, I do, but it's not right, not right in this time or this life."

Maya took a deep breath and wiped the tears from under her eyes. She sat down from watching herself in the mirror, watching herself rehearse endless times, until her small little fragile heart couldn't take it anymore. She was broken. Maya Hart was officially a broken girl.

She laid back for a moment, her emotions overwhelming her, and threw a pillow at her wall. She cried. She cried for hours after that. But there was nothing she could do, nothing she could do in this lifetime.

Maya's POV

A knock was heard at my window around ten. Jolting up, my eyes searched the dark surroundings, squinting to make out a figure. It was Lucas, and I sighed. I quickly wiped the tears from under my eyes, hid the residue of tissues scattered among my comforter, and opened the window just a crack.

"Can we talk?"

The boy didn't care to change out of his pajamas, per usual, which made me crack a smile. I took a deep breath.

"There's nothing to talk about, Lucas. It's life."

I turned around and walked back to my bed. I sat down, swinging my feet, trying to distract myself from crying again, and he, clearly angry, followed and sat right beside me.

"It's life? Maya, why are you doing this to yourself?"

I turned my direction to him.

"Didn't you say, if I didn't feel anything, we were done? You would leave me alone about all of this?"

"Just because you said you didn't feel anything doesn't mean you didn't feel anything."

He had a point. I was too tired and emotionally drained to fight back on this one, especially considering he was right, so I let it fly, and laid back on my bed, closing my eyes and pretending the last few weeks of my life never happened.

"I miss you," he whispered in a soft, tender voice, which made me open an eye to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Then let's just pretend none of this ever happened, and go back to the way it used to be."

"The way it used to be was no better than this."

"Maybe for you it wasn't."

"Don't act like you didn't have feelings for me."

I laughed, shaking my head and then placing it in my hands. I wanted to scream. My migraine was killing me. This awful, awful pink elephant in the room was destroying me. It was destroying Lucas. My feelings, our feelings, Riley was destroying my life. And then I remembered that I was graduating in a couple of months, which meant that, in a couple of months, I'd be out of here, and so would Lucas and so would Riley and so would that kid Farkle, and we'd never see each other again, except for maybe a high school reunion. Even then, in the far, far future, I'll be married to Josh, living the luxurious life of a housewife, and Lucas will be married to Riley and they'll have three kids and they'll be living in New Hampshire and they'll be happy. Because me, Maya Hart, I'm not able to provide that kind of happiness in the long term for Lucas. He deserves better than me. He deserves better.

"I don't have feelings for you, Lucas. And you don't have feelings for me. These feelings, these are temporary. They're fake. They're kids being kids feelings. We aren't real, Lucas. You and me, we can't work. Riley though, Riley's forever."

I was dozing off. He probably thought I wasn't making much sense, which I wasn't, but my intentions were true.

"Maya, you-"

"-Go to sleep Lucas. You're tired, you're delirious, just like me. We're just kids. And after all this settles, when we all go to college, I'll never see you again, so what's the point?"

I laughed, but he clearly wasn't taking the joke.

"I love you. But this won't work. Not in this lifetime."

So I closed my eyes after that, and when I opened them an hour or so later, he wasn't there, and a tear trickled down my cheek again as I tossed and turned for the remainder of the night.

9:57 a.m.

My hair was in a nest when I arrived to Riley's for her Papa's funeral. The entire situation was terrible. I could never imagine finding a dead body, nevermind it being my own grandfather's, so when I saw Riley, the lifeless, emotionless Riley, I ran to hug her. Her body collapsed into mine. She was so heavy. Her eyes were so dark. She really was lifeless.

I looked around Topanga's living room while the funeral car outside was loading the endless amount of gifts and flowers the family brought. Everyone was crammed inside this little living room, everyone. Riley's distant cousin Maggie, who, in college supposedly tried to get it with Cory, was there, snacking on some strawberries while Topanga gave her a death stare from the kitchen. And then there was Grandma Edna, who didn't know where the hell she was, despite her children assuring her she was in no danger, and she'd be back at the nursing home soon. These people, crazy or not, they were all there for the same reason— because they were a family. Families will go out of their way to support you. These people, they came from all different places, from Maine to Arizona, all the way here just to support Riley and her family. And I wish I had that, those people that you can always count on to talk to and those people that will always be there for you to support you. But I didn't, and all I had was Riley, this one person, this one life that I value so, so much. And if anything were to ever happen to her, I don't know what I'd do. It scares the hell out of me.

Riley budged me with her elbow, awakening me from my trance.

"You ready to go?"

"Yeah."

10:45 a.m.

Exiting the first car leading the line were Riley and her immediate family- Auggie, Cory, and Topanga. Riley, still a wreck, waited until my mother's busted up mini van arrived, and walked inside with me, hand in hand.

The funeral parlor was in a quaint village outside of Miami. It was quiet, which was an unusual peacefulness I was not well adjusted to, but also gloomy. Inside was a small lobby, with old furniture and a big, overwhelming shelf of books that had three inches of dust on them. While I was struggling to read the titles, I turned to Riley, but she wasn't there.

Riley had been talking to a boy in a suit. A scrawny boy, which is why I say boy rather than man. I assumed he was one of her cousins, or something, until I recognized the damned haircut and had to see for myself.

Farkle Minkus. The deceitful Farkle Minkus had been waiting for Riley at the parlor, with a bouquet of roses and his best suit that his mother probably ironed for him. I rolled my eyes as he handed Riley the bouquet, Riley gushing as the dullness had suddenly been lifted from her spirit.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" I asked, stating purely the obvious.

"Maya."

"The same question goes for you, shortstack. I'd figure with your grades, you'd actually want to attend."

Farkle was witty and quick on his feet. He was good. He was challenging. And again, he had a point, and we were kind of in a funeral parlor, so I bit my tongue, raging in humiliation and anger, and allowed Farkle to continue sweet-talking Riley.

11:30 a.m.

I yawned as I ate a blueberry muffin, at a table, all by myself, in the back of an ugly reception room. Riley had gone to say "goodbye" to Farkle, which really meant she was going to talk with him in the parking lot for an hour about space and the creation of the universe and the fault in the theory of evolution.

I was going to find a way to eliminate that kid, his presence, his being, his threat he brought to the table, but I couldn't figure out one that didn't involve hurting Riley. Riley enjoyed talking to him, I know, but he wasn't any good for her. Don't ask me how I knew, I just knew.

To my surprise, Riley returned in less than an hour, 36 minutes to be exact, and sat beside me, her hands folded and a smile on her face.

"Someone is a little chipper."

"I'm fine."

She broke off a piece of my muffin, swallowed it quickly, and then rested her chin on her palm.

"Nothing is going on between you and Farkle, right?"

Riley's eyes widened, the veins in her forehead bulged, and she quickly sat up, flipping her hair over her shoulder and clearing her throat.

"What would make you think that?" she asked, answering her own question as her posture looked shakier by the second and a sweat developed on her forehead.

"Well, I mean, for one, Lucas didn't even show up-"

"-He has a busy life, Maya," she scolded, motioning me to keep my voice down, "he told me he was really sorry he couldn't make it. He had a Spanish test second period. You can't miss that kind of stuff."

I burst into laughter, and Riley, again, scolded me, hitting my arm and placing her pointer finger against her lips.

"A Spanish test?"

"He's failing. In our relationship, we want what's best for one another, and this, we decided, was mutually the best thing for the two of us."

I took a sip of my orange juice. Mhm.

"Enough about me though," began Riley, repositioning herself in her chair and turning her entire body towards me, "what's going on with Josh?"

Shit.

"I don't know. What is going on with Josh?" I replied sarcastically, holding the vulture off for as long as I could.

She rolled her eyes. She was serious, and I was screwed.

"Lucas told me that you got back with him," she answered, seriously, "is this true?"

Obviously it's true, you moron.

"We're just talking again, Riles. You can't seriously believe everything that knucklehead tells you, right?"

Riley looked offended. She licked her lips, took a deep breath, and replied,

"Why can't I? He's my boyfriend, isn't he?"

I bit my lip.

"You're right. Shouldn't have said anything. You know, just growing up with him you tease him all the time, and I remembered that you have a- a different relationship with him. Which is cool, and all."
Riley raised an eyebrow, and blinked very slowly.

"When does he lie? Lie, like, lie to me?"

There was no getting out of this one.

"Lucas is a nice guy, you know that, right?"

"Clearly I don't if you're calling him a liar."

"Okay, like, like that time he bailed on you with the dance and told you he forgot."

Riley sat up.

"Excuse me?"

"What I-what I mean to say is that he was just nervous. I was-I was telling him how absolutely gorgeous you looked in your dress and-and he freaked out. I didn't think he was going to actually not show up. If that were the case then you know I would have talked him out of it."

Riley looked disappointed. Like, like a kid who's just been told that when they were six, and their parents told them their dog "ran away" he really just died. That's what Riley looked like. And I felt like the deceitful parents as I sat before her, lying straight through my teeth to save my own ass.

A/N: Lucaya kills me in the beginning, just because this is all starting to become a little realistic in terms of the actual show and this could like, actually happen. Ugh.

Hopefully you guys don't mind me writing in third person a little! I think it helps get the message across better without Maya/Riley's thoughts/comments/ect on the situation, so when I write third person I'll just italicize it so it doesn't get confusing :)

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