A/N: Again, slight changes to canon because…well, that's what I do. Standard 'beware the shmexy' and all that. Bladhaire, I can see you grinning from here. Behave.
When he felt the hand land on his shoulder, Joker grinned, looking up at the asari standing there.
"Hey, you," he greeted, getting carefully to his feet before hugging her. "It's good to see you."
"It is good to see you again too, Joker," Liara replied, hugging him back. "I am sorry that we did not have a chance to talk the last time I was aboard."
"Eh, bullet wounds will do that," he replied, releasing her. "Hey, EDI, let the commander know Liara's aboard, will ya?"
"Of course, Jeff."
Joker lifted his cap, scrubbing a hand over his hair before setting it back into place, clearing his throat. "Look, Liara…I'm…a bit surprised that you are happy to see me. After what happened, I figured the least I'd get would be another broken nose."
Liara blinked slightly. "Shepard broke your nose?"
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Guess it's not too surprising, considering what…what happened. What I did…"
"Joker, I will admit…I spent a very long time being very angry with you," Liara told him. "But I also forgave you a long time ago. You are my friend, and Shepard trusts you. It was a mistake, and as far as I am concerned, it is in the past."
He nodded his head. Sometimes it didn't feel so 'in the past'. He still had nightmares, sometimes. Still hated himself for it. "I'm not entirely sure that's true," he said. "Shepard trusting me, I mean."
"Joker, if she did not trust you, you would not be at the helm of this ship," Liara pointed out.
"Yeah, I guess so. Oh, hey…I had something I wanted to give you."
He dug into his pocket, taking out a small 3D photo-pad. As he held it out he said, "I knew Shepard would find you sooner or later. Figured this won't make up for what I did but…well, I wanted you to have it. Guard it close. I doubt you'll ever get another one and if Shepard gets hold of it there won't be anything left but atoms."
Curious, Liara held the pad in her palm and activated it. A holographic image of a woman appeared, hovering over her palm and standing about six inches in height. For a moment, Liara blinked in confusion, before her eyes widened.
"This is Shepard?"
"Yeah, hard to believe, huh?" he grinned. "She dolled up to help Kasumi with some undercover heist at a dress party. Never thought I'd see the commander in a dress, let alone heels."
Liara could only stare a moment, prompting Joker to smirk and nudge her slightly, teasing. "Hey, Doctor…might want to watch that. I think you're drooling."
She looked at him with a baleful smirk, switching the pad off and then slipping it into her pocket. "Thank you, Joker. I will treasure it."
"You're welcome, Li," he smiled, then glanced over. "Speak of the devil, here she comes. Hey, listen…if you guys act out any scenes from Vaenia, make sure you record it. You know, for posterity's sake and all."
"From…what?" Liara blinked, confused as Shepard walked up, eyeing her pilot.
"Joker, you behaving yourself?" she asked. He straightened and saluted.
"Of course, ma'am," he replied. "Liara and I were just catching up, ma'am."
"At ease," she ordered him, still suspicious. "And get your tun back to work."
"Yes ma'am," he grinned, lowering his hand and nodding at Liara. "It was good to see you again. Don't be a stranger, ok?"
"I…will not be," Liara replied. She still did not have a real grasp on the odd idioms humans liked to spout, but she'd learned that usually the best reaction was simply to agree.
Shepard's commander rank seemed to melt away as her gaze returned to Liara. That stern, stiff, professional edge in her eyes vanished, making her face softer somehow as she smiled. "Thank you for coming," she said, before offering her hand. "Why don't I show you around?"
"I would like that," Liara smiled in return, taking the hand in her own. As the pair started down toward the CIC, Liara noted something.
"You are not in uniform?"
"I'm not Alliance anymore," Shepard told her. "At least, not at the moment. Spectres don't have uniforms and since it'll be a seriously fucking cold day in hell before I wear one from Cerberus…"
She shrugged lightly, her free hand drifting self-consciously over the stomach of her shirt. Liara, seeing the gesture, shook her head. "I did not mean to imply that you do not look nice," she said. "It is simply…strange. I was so used to seeing you in uniform unless you were off-duty."
They crossed the CIC, Shepard introducing her to Kelly and a few of the others, before taking her through the armory and the tech lab. Liara seemed ever so slightly taken aback by Mordin at first, as most people did given the man's nature ; hyperactive, even for a Salarian. She did thank him for his helping to save her life, which seemed to please him.
They went then down to the crew deck, Shepard standing back a little as Liara spoke with Dr. Chakwas and Garrus, old friends to whom she naturally gravitated. Kasumi appeared from apparently nowhere, standing by Shepard's shoulder and murmuring to her.
"So, I take it we can stop looking for her?" the thief teased gently. Shepard smirked.
"Yeah, I think we're past that now."
"Hmm." Kasumi measured the asari a moment as if contemplating a shiny new omni-tool upgrade. "I wasn't able to say this back on Ilium, what with all the running and shooting and then her being wounded and all…and not that I play on that particular team, mind, but…not bad Shepard. You dog you."
"Watch it Goto," Shepard teased right back.
"Does she know you dressed up in heels for me?" Kasumi asked with a chuckle.
"Don't make me send you back to your room."
"Like you could keep me there." Lifting her hand, she gave Shepard's shoulder a light squeeze before she turned to head back to the observation room. "I'm glad you found her."
"Yeah," Shepard murmured softly in reply. "Me too."
"If I haven't thanked you yet for the booze, let me thank you now," Shepard smirked as she tipped the bottle of pris para against Liara's glass again, filling it before she refilled her own. The detritus of dinner…cooked by Rupert but actually somewhat edible, thank heavens…was scattered around.
"You are welcome," Liara answered, picking up her glass. Asari did not get drunk as easily as most humans did, and she seemed completely sober even after her third glass of the strong libation. Shepard, who could hold her liquor, was still feeling a rather pleasant buzz.
Taking a sip, Liara set the glass aside, before looking at Shepard. "Your ship is beautiful," she said. "And it was very good to see old friends again. I mean, in less tense circumstances."
Shepard nodded, her eyes vaguely troubled as she watched the shimmering green and yellow shift in her glass as she swirled it. She disliked remembering that just days ago, Liara had been laying on top of a hotel on Ilium, dying right in front of her eyes.
"Are you all right?" Liara asked softly, seeing the look. Shepard blinked, then nodded.
"Yeah, I'm ok," she said. Liara didn't look like she quite believed her, but didn't press.
"I…brought you something," she said almost timidly. Shepard set her glass down as Liara reached into her pocket, gingerly drawing out a folded piece of paper. Shepard realized what it was instantly, even as Liara held it out to her.
Taking it as if it would fall apart the moment it was touched, Shepard carefully unfolded it. A list of names was written there, scrawled in her own hand. Turning it over, Shepard felt her eyes heat a little as she looked at the oh-so-familiar crayon sketches of herself and Paul, hands linked under plasters of sunshine yellow that declared them bestust buds forever.
"H-how did you get this?" Shepard asked softly as she tried to hide the tremor in her voice.
"During the attack," Liara murmured, her voice no less soft. "After you left the room I…was getting dressed, nearly fell. My hand landed on it when I caught myself…it was just instinct to grab it. I didn't even think, didn't realize I had until later, on the Seattle…"
She was not hiding the tremor in her own voice nearly as well. Shepard looked up to her, seeing those sky blue eyes gloss with tears. "Li…"
The asari rose, pacing away a few steps, her hands lifting to clasp under her chin as her head bowed. Shepard immediately stood as well, setting the picture carefully aside before she went over. Resting her hands on Liara's shoulders, she felt the woman shudder a little.
"Tianlán…?"
"Goddess," Liara whispered, her voice thick. "Shepard…you died…"
Shepard said nothing, only slid her arms around her companion, resting her chin on Liara's shoulder as she held her close.
After a long moment of silence, Liara spoke again, her voice a bit more steady. "When I saw Joker get off of that lifeboat without you...I felt like I would fall apart. Ashley helped keep me strong, told me there was still hope but…there was not. When Hackett confirmed…I wanted to die too, Shepard."
"Liara…" Shepard whispered, wincing a little as she thought about how much grief everyone had gone through.
Liara turned in her arms, wrapping her own around the human woman's waist as she rest her head on her shoulder. The smell of shampoo and cigars was strong…a smell she had missed, a smell she wanted to wrap herself in and forget the rest of the galaxy even existed.
"So much has happened since then. I fought so hard, clung so tightly to hope and grief and…vengeance. I do not know how to let go of it. And I do not know if you…if you and I…"
Shepard loosened her arms a little as Liara drew back, looking at her face. "Th-that kiss, on the Broker base. I…emotions were high, adrenaline…I am sorry, I-"
"I'm not," Shepard insisted. "Liara, it's been two years for you…I know that. But for me, it's only been a couple of months. I was on the Normandy and then I was in that station, weak and confused…I had no idea what had happened. People kept telling me I'd been killed, that everyone had moved on. My whole life was stripped away so completely and… all I could think was that you were in trouble, that I had to find you, make sure you were ok. Liara, nothing has changed in how I feel about you. Not a goddamn thing."
When Liara said nothing, only lowering her eyes, Shepard nodded slightly. "I understand if you… I just want you happy. I know that you said...that you said that you didn't want me to leave but I would understand, Liara. I just want you to be happy, even if it's without me."
Liara shook her head. "It is not that…I…Shepard, I am just…terrified…"
"Terrified?"
"I lost you, Shepard, and it nearly destroyed me. If I had not even had the slightest hope in Cerberus's promise to bring you back, I do not know what I would have done. It is a darkness I do not wish to return to, but…you are going to leave me again."
"Tianlán…"
"This mission, the Collectors and the Reapers…tell me that there is not the overwhelming chance that you will not return from it? No one has gone through the Omega Four Relay and returned. I know that you cannot stop hunting them, even had they not taken Nan. So many people hurt…you cannot turn away from that any more than you can change the color of your eyes. I know you, Shepard. You will always fight for the lost. But this mission…if you and your crew survive it, it will be a miracle."
"There's a chance, Li. There is always a chance. People told me it was impossible to stop what was happening on Torfan, but I did. They told me I couldn't reach Ilos, couldn't stop Sovereign and the geth…but I did. And I will do this. If there is any way in this godforsaken galaxy, I will chase the Collectors wherever they go, even into that relay…and I will find our people and come home again."
"And if there is not a way?" Liara pressed slightly, her brows knit. "You are strong, and stubborn, and I have seen you accomplish things that I still cannot believe even though I was there, but you are not the Goddess, Shepard. Even if you do somehow manage to do this…and if anyone could, it would be you…there are still the Reapers, still a thousand different threats that can appear, things no one can predict. And no matter how hard you fight or how many battles you win, there is still the inevitable. You are human, and I am asari. You will age…grow old, and eventually…you will leave me again."
Shepard shook her head, taking Liara's shoulders. "No…that is a trap," she said. "No one can know what will happen. Liara, I saw you shot on top of that hotel. I was terrified that I was going to lose you. That can happen again as well. An accident, a fight…you are asari but you are not immortal, not impervious. Do you think that I'm not afraid you might be taken away from me, too? Yeah, I may get supremely fucking lucky and live to be a hundred and fifty and die old and gray in my bed while you have to live on. Or the most horrific thing could happen and I could end up burying you…struggling to find a way to carry on without you there. Maybe we could even die together, at the same time…the point is we don't know. What I do know is that I want to be with you, Liara. For an hour, for a century…for however long we have left, I don't care. I'm not gonna lose you just because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you."
A tear spilled down the asari's cheek, and Shepard brushed it away gently with a thumb. "Galaxy isn't safe, dong ma?" she murmured. "Yeah…there are horrible things coming. Yeah, I have to fight them, and I may not come back from it. But with you I have a reason to fight. The galaxy is too fucking big, Tianlán…it's too big a thing to fight for all on its own. So I'll fight for you, and if the galaxy gets saved in the process…well, then that's good too."
Liara lifted her hands, cupping the woman's cheeks, fingertips sliding into her soft hair as she leaned her forehead against Shepard's. She was right, of course. They could not sacrifice their lives because of fear. Liara had fought so hard for Shepard, and she would keep fighting because she knew that Shepard would never stop. Her tenacity was one of the things Liara loved most about her.
Loved. Yes, love. That's what this was, as if Liara could ever have doubted it. Love was worth fighting for, risking for. And if the Goddess saw fit to take either Shepard or her away, whether it was in a day or a century, then at the very least Liara wasn't going to waste a moment of the time that they did have.
She was done with regret.
The kiss was as passionate as it was inevitable. Liara clung to Shepard tightly, possessively, trying to pour everything she felt into it, trying to convey in the most blunt terms the answer to Shepard's unasked questions.
It seemed an eternity before it broke, both of them panting slightly. Shepard's hand was pressed at the small of Liara's back, only stoking the fire already ignited.
Breathlessly Liara whispered, "Be with me."
"Try and stop me," Shepard growled back softly, smiling a little before the kiss was rejoined.
As they reached the bedside, Liara's eyes shifted to obsidian, seeking out and then joining the commander's gaze. As two souls merged into one, both seemed to tremble in relief.
Nothing else mattered. They were finally home.
Blue eyes shimmered slightly, reflecting the yellow of her console's HI and the images playing in front of her. Sound was muted but still audible, the mics good enough to pick up even the faintest drop of a pin.
"Galaxy isn't safe, dong ma?" she murmured. "Yeah…there are horrible things coming. Yeah, I have to fight them, and I may not come back from it. But with you I have a reason to fight. The galaxy is too fucking big, Tianlán…it's too big a thing to fight for all on its own. So I'll fight for you, and if the galaxy gets saved in the process…well, then that's good too."
As the two forms standing close together on the image suddenly closed the distance, Miranda glanced away, blinking rapidly and a bit surprised to find her eyelashes were damp. Reaching out she cleared the video feed, then selected all the cameras and mics linking to the commander's room, powering them down, completely privatizing the room. It was against protocol, of course, but this was no one's business but their own.
Lips pressed against sweat-dampened skin as Shepard lightly kissed Liara's speeding pulse. Her own heart was racing, both women struggling to catch their breath, to adjust to that separation, that feeling of spiritual aloneness once again. Liara's trembling gasps against her ear were sweeter music than Opus Ori or Flatwood had ever produced.
Laying side by side facing each other, legs still tangled, neither woman felt the urge to sleep. Though by rights they both should have been exhausted, neither dozed. Liara's fingers were tangled in Shepard's hair as the human woman stroked the folds of her crest, lightly peppering her lips with slow kisses.
"You have new scars," the asari murmured sadly, her own fingertips trailing down from the strands of black to Shepard's neck, thumb softly brushing over the three-inch line there.
Shepard said nothing, knowing that Liara knew the cause of that scar, and the ones on her hand. Given the basic natureof a Joining meld as opposed to a simple knowledge meld, images and memories, thoughts and sensations all tended to blur a bit into a kind of chaos…a chaos displayed before rather distracted minds. The memories were there, however, and even as she commented on the scar, Shepard could see the recollection of that vaguely seen memory return to Liara's eyes, darkening the sky blue sadly.
"Don't," she murmured, taking the asari's hand and kissing her fingers. "It's over with. Nothing I didn't handle just fine."
Liara nodded, pulling Shepard closer and burrowing her face in against her throat, softly kissing that mark. Shifting a little so that she was laying on her back, Liara cradled against her, Shepard looked upward through the open skyport, watching the stars.
"What do you see, when you look up there?" Liara asked, turning her eyes that direction as well. Shepard traced patterns on the asari's shoulder as she frowned thoughtfully.
"I don't know," she mused a moment later. "Little house on a green planet somewhere…Thessia, maybe, or Eden Prime. Someone special to live there with me. Lots of little blue daughters."
Liara giggled, lightly pinching Shepard's arm. "You're teasing me," she smiled.
Shepard grinned. "You're right. Aria doesn't strike me as the kind to settle down, anyway."
"Ooh!" Liara sniffed in mock indignation, giving Shepard a bit of a sharper pinch. "Incorrigible."
Shepard laughed softly, hugging Liara closer. "You wouldn't like me if I was corrigible, anyway."
The asari hummed happily, warm and comfortable, happier than she had been in a very long time. "Shepard," she ventured after a moment. "Did you mean that? You want to have a family with me?"
"I don't know," Shepard said honestly. "I meant the part where I want to be with you…make some kind of a life with you, if…you know, I ever end up leading anything even resembling a normal life. Kids though…I…I don't know. I don't know if I'd make a very good…you know, mother, or sire…parent."
Liara moved until she could look down into Shepard's eyes. "Truly?" she asked, brows knit. "I think you would make a wonderful parent, Shepard. You are devoted, courageous, kind and sweet-"
"Kind and sweet?" Shepard scoffed lightly. "You have met me, haven't you?"
"I know more about you than anyone else in existence," Liara said firmly. "You are kind and sweet, however much armor you put between it and the world. Though, you might have to curb your more colorful language if you are around children."
Shepard snorted, grinning. "Fuck that bullshit," she teased, then shook her head. "I just don't know, Li. I hardly had the best examples growing up. I wouldn't even know where to start with a kid."
"You had Nan," Liara reminded her, lightly brushing some hair back from her forehead. "It doesn't matter right now, Shepard. It will be quite some time before daughters are even a consideration. We are just finding each other again as it is. No matter what happens, we will decide it together when the time comes."
"Deal," Shepard smiled, lifting her head a little to kiss her. It took little time for the affectionate gesture to turn deeper, heat starting to rise once again between them. Holding her tightly, Shepard's lips sought out Liara's neck as she murmured, "That really gets me wanting to practice more, however," she teased.
"Save me from insatiable humans," Liara smiled, breathless, already feeling her eyes shifting to black. They made love again, and as they lay still afterward, once more tangled together, sleep finally let its heavy grasp be felt. Shepard's breathing had grown deep and even and Liara was just about to fade away as well when she leaned forward and whispered in the human's ear, saying those words she had once started to say before her entire life came falling down.
"I love you, Del Shepard."
Shepard only made a faint humming sound in reply. Smiling wearily, Liara held her close, and fell away from time for a while.
No matter how late the night or how exhausted or drunk she might be at the start of it, the marine in Shepard always woke up right on time. Moving carefully, she managed to extricate herself from the sleeping asari without waking her. Padding into the bathroom she switched on the shower and stepped under the flow of hot water, eyes closed and thoughts chasing each other in an endless swirl.
Only a minute later she heard the bathroom door slide open again, before the shower door did as well. She didn't turn as Liara stepped into the shower behind her, sliding her arms around Shepard's waist and resting her cheek against the back of her shoulder.
Folding her own arms over Liara's, she murmured, "Sorry, I tried not to wake you."
"I have a lifetime to sleep, Shepard," Liara replied. Turning, Shepard hugged her close, the two standing beneath the hot water in silence for a long time.
"We…need to leave, in a couple of hours," Shepard said reluctantly. "There's still so much to do…"
"You need to get Nan back," Liara nodded against her shoulder.
"I need to try. Honestly, I don't even know that there's hope she's alive any more, not after this long."
"There is always hope," Liara replied, lifting her head and looking into Shepard's brown eyes. "We will stay in constant contact. I will help you in any way that I can. All the Broker's resources are yours. Anything you need."
"I know," Shepard murmured. "I wish I could ask you to stay on board…"
"I need to do this, Shepard. This is the best way that I can help make sure you come back to me alive."
"It's all right. I wouldn't ask you to stay anyway…unfair as it may sound, I need to know that you're safe, out of the line of fire…just for a while. I can face anything right now so long as I know that you're all right, that you're not in the path of any more bullets."
Liara nodded and held her again, the pair swaying slightly under the warm rain of the shower as if dancing to music only they could hear.
Dried and dressed, Shepard cleaned up the remains of their meal last night as Liara finished dressing and fussed with straightening up the bed. They worked in comfortable silence for a bit, each content with their own thoughts, before Liara finally spoke.
"You miss her."
"Hmm? Who?" Shepard asked, recapping what was left of the pris para and stacking plates. "Nan?"
"Well, yes, I know that you miss her," Liara stated, tugging pillow cases square. "But I was talking about the other one. The one with the yellow hair…the one from your N7 training. Her name was…Sydney?"
Shepard blinked, taken off-guard a moment as she stared at Liara, then returned her attention to the dishes, her jaw tight. "Blonde," she stated.
"I am sorry?"
"Yellow hair. Humans call it 'blonde'."
"Interesting, and completely off-track of my question," Liara replied. "Shepard, I am asking out of concern. I am not jealous-"
"There's no reason to be," Shepard replied sternly. "You're talking ancient news. Rasler is ancient news. Old and buried."
"I did not mean to bring up something painful," Liara said, walking over and catching Shepard's hands, holding them in her own. "She made me curious, that is all. You hold yourself so closed off, so guarded sometimes. Even with me, at first, you were distant. I was simply surprised to find that I…wasn't the first that had your heart, that is all. I saw no memory of what happened to her, why she is no longer in your life but her image brought some nostalgia, some sense of loss. I knew that you missed her."
Shepard shook her head, looking down at their hands. "Kelly asked about her," she admitted. "Few days ago. I hadn't thought about Rasler in years but Kelly asked…not directly about her, of course. We were talking about you and she wanted to know if there had ever been…you know. Someone else. Guess that stirred everything up a bit. Like I said, it's old news. I was young and stupid and she was…blonde."
She gave a little smirk, then leaned forward and kissed Liara's forehead. "I had stars in my eyes, that's all. There's a thousand and one stories just like it across the whole galaxy. It's just a fond memory. I don't have many so I have to keep tight hold on the ones I do."
Remembering something she released Liara's hands, stepping around her. "Oh, hey…I had something I wanted to give to you, as well."
Picking up her discarded jeans from the night before, she dug in the pocket, taking something out before she walked back over to the asari. Taking her hand, she folded the engraved metal tabs into her palm, winding the chain around her fingers.
Liara stared in disbelief. "These…these are your dog tags! I thought I had lost these on Azure!"
"No, Dr. Chakwas took them off of you when they were patching you up. She gave them to me. I was kind of shocked to see them."
"Operative Lawson was able to retrieve them intact," Liara told her. "They had been protected by the breastplate of your hard-suit. She sent them to me. It was…an unexpected gesture."
Taking the tags back Shepard opened the chain and re-hung them around Liara's neck. "There, now they're back where they belong."
"No, Shepard…these are yours," Liara protested. "I know how important they are to a marine, and-"
"Li, take them," Shepard insisted. "Hold them for me for a while. That way you know I'll be coming back…for them and for you."
Liara nodded slightly, her eyes misting before she hugged Shepard tightly again. "Just be sure you always come back."
Miranda entered the cargo bay as the shuttle locked down, engines dying. As Shepard emerged, having just finished dropping Liara back off at Hagalaz, Miranda nodded, approaching and then falling in to step beside her.
"The ship is prepared for departure," she reported. "I believe you wanted to go to Korlus?"
Shepard nodded. "Warlord Okeer is the next on my list. According to the dossier Korlus was the last place he was spotted. Sounds kind of interesting…a krogan warlord and scientist. The only other krogan scientist I met I put bullets in before we were properly introduced."
"Oh yes, on Virmire," Miranda recalled. "I can direct Joker to put in our course to Korlus. I…the Illusive Man would like to have a word with you."
Shepard paused, eyeing her XO. "You told him."
"Of course," Miranda replied. "I do not hide from my decisions, Shepard. He would have found out very quickly anyway. I felt full disclosure was the best option. Earned me quite a dressing down but I stand by my decision. At any rate, he wants to speak with you."
"Oh, I have a few words for him, too," Shepard said with a glower, before she shook her head. "Listen…thank you, Miranda. What you did…you saved Liara's life, and gave us both a reason to hope again."
"And you did the same for me and my sister, Shepard. As I said, it was the right call to make. Everything we're asking of you, everything we're putting you through, I think you deserve a few small considerations."
"I don't know that I'd categorize this as a 'small' consideration, but you have my gratitude."
She offered her hand, and after a moment, Miranda tentatively reached out and took it. "It was my honor, Commander," she murmured, then cleared her throat. "I'll get us en route to Korlus. The Illusive Man will be waiting whenever you're ready."
Shepard watched her first officer go before nodding to herself. Yes, she had more than a few words for the Illusive Man, and she didn't doubt that a lot of them he wasn't going to like.
Fucker better not think he can treat me like an Alliance captain reprimanding an FNG, or my next mission will be to find him in his pretentious little shiny room and introduce his teeth to my boot.