Chapter Fifteen

Mulder walked into her bedroom and stopped still, looking around at the clothes that were strewn over the wardrobe door. He recognised her shiny shoes tucked just underneath it, and her satin night gown which she wore over her night gown when she wanted to feel a bit more special. He remembered taking that gown off of her many times…

He took a deep breath and smelled her scent everywhere. His body responded and his heart started to race. He forced himself to look away from the satin gown and over to her bedside dresser where she had said her medication would be. He saw it, but not before he caught sight of the quarter necklace that had been her mother's. He picked it up and held it between his fingers, studying it for a moment.

Then he reached over to pick up the bottle of pills and left the bedroom, leaving the necklace where he had found it and not before taking one last look around.

He re-entered the lounge as Scully was eating a slice of pizza. He smiled a little to himself seeing her so comfortable. Making his way towards her he raised his eyebrows jokingly as he saw her take a big bite and handed her the bottle.

'You want some water?' He asked and she nodded, her mouth full. Mulder smiled again in amusement and went back to the kitchen to get her some. He looked around and opened many cupboard doors to try and find the glasses. It frustrated him that he didn't know where anything was in her home.

'On the left.' She called over to him, as she was obviously watching him struggle. Mulder reached over and pulled the cupboard open and found neatly placed decorated glasses. He didn't recognise any of these.

He took a glass and filled it half full with water, then made his way back towards her.

'Thanks.' She said, taking it from his hand. She handed her plate to him in return. 'I've finished. I can't manage any more. Help yourself.'

'Ok then.' He said, as she took her medication. He looked at her. She caught his gaze.

'What?' She asked, staring at him in surprise.

'I was so worried about you.' He said in a low voice. Scully smiled sleepily.

'Mulder, I'm fine.'

'I know. But that case was extreme Scully. We both nearly died.' He said, looking down at his hands for a moment. 'Scully..' He started with difficulty, 'I'm sorry that I was so mad at you for saying you were going to give it all up.'

Scully felt her chest tighten as she saw him look downwards sadly. She didn't want him to feel guilty.

'Mulder, it's ok.' She said.

'No it's not. I led you back into the darkness. You were right, we both nearly died. I know you were just trying to protect me, and you were right to do so. I'm sorry.' He said, meeting her gaze. His eyes glistened in the lamp light. She noticed that he looked tired, like he hadn't been sleeping properly. His chin had more stubble than usual. She sighed and felt love and concern hit her.

'Mulder, it's ok. I know why you were so upset with me. I just didn't wanna lose you.. not after losing my Mom.' She said, tears stinging her eyes. 'Look Mulder, I've remembered moments of that evening that we spent together in my Motel room…' She started, feeling her cheeks flush again. Mulder frowned in surprise.

'You do?'

'Yes.' She said in a low voice. 'You were a great support to me, I must have been in a terrible state. I remember crying all the time, and you listening and comforting me. Thank you.' She said, the colour burning her cheeks even more. She reached out for his hand instinctively. Mulder gazed into her eyes. She felt her heart almost stop for a moment as she lost her breath.

'Anytime.' He said, his voice full of sincerity. She blinked hot tears away for her eyes.

'Mulder… ever since we have started working again, I've been struggling with how to act with you…' She blurted out sadly, not realising what she was saying. Her emotions were running out of her. Mulder squeezed her hand tightly. 'I don't want to hurt you.' She carried on, tears now falling down her cheeks. 'I don't want to get hurt again either. If coming here tonight was too much for you, I understand.'

'Scully, please don't get upset..' He edged towards her.

'I can't help it! I feel terrible for the way I left you. I am so sorry I hurt you Mulder.' She exclaimed, raising her free hand to cover her face. Mulder edged up next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, and pulled her into him. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall freely.

'It's ok Scully.' He whispered gently. He was so relieved that they were finally discussing this. It had been eating him up inside, and it was now evident to him that she had been feeling the same way. They needed this talk. 'Listen, I was a terrible person.' He said with anger, remembering what he had been like before she had left.

'No Mulder..'

'Scully I was. I was sick, yes, but I was never there for you. I should have gotten over it. You really tried to help me but I wouldn't listen. I tried, I want you to know that I tried…' He said desperately, tears now coating his own throat. She pulled away from him and brushed a tear away for her face. She looked up at him with wide blue eyes.

'I know you did. I know you tried.' She said forcefully, trying to get him to believe her. But she feared that he didn't.

'But not hard enough…' He whispered sadly as her sad eyes bore in his. 'I will forever feel guilty for that.'

'Mulder you don't need to. Your work is your life, and you didn't have it anymore. It was only a matter of time before…'

'You are also my life.'

She opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't. She was speechless. She didn't know what to say.

'You and William.'

She blinked, the tears threatening to fall again. She had this kind of reaction anybody mentioned his name, especially when Mulder mentioned it.

'Scully, I am so sorry. I don't know if you can ever forgive me for driving you away… I don't know if I deserve to be forgiven.' He said, his voice cracking with emotion. Scully continued to stare, shocked at his words. He pulled away from her and leaned forward, his hands now clasped together on his knees. She missed his warm body next to hers.

'Mulder…' She started with difficulty. He stared ahead of her. 'You did drive me away…' She said, and she saw his pained expression, 'however, I wanted to leave.' She said softly, trying to make him feel better. He didn't respond. 'I felt happier at work than I did at home. You were sick, and yes, you were difficult to live with. I would come home late and find you on the floor, drunk out of your skull..'

'Scully..' He said, hurt.

'-But listen to me.' She gushed, reaching out for him again. She reached his back, and placed her hand on it reassuringly. 'I understand why.'

She paused and studied his reaction. He was silent, still staring ahead of him, breathing heavily. She could tell he was trying to hide his anger at himself. She sighed heavily and blinked away another tear. Her heart broke for him, she hated seeing him like this.

'Mulder since we have gone back to the FBI, you have flourished.' She said, managing a smile. 'I understand now, that you need to work. You need your mission, more than anything. More than you need me.' She said, her voice breaking with sadness as she realised this. Mulder finally turned to her and she saw his sadness again. She hated seeing it there. She shrugged at he looked at her desperately. 'You know that I'm telling the truth.'

'No.' He said sharply, and to her shock he was reaching towards her, his arms out and his hands coming towards her face. She gasped in surprise as his body came close to hers again, and she shivered as his hands cupped her face, his eyes full of love. She swallowed nervously as he stroked her cheeks gently and brushed another involuntary tear away from her cheek. 'Scully, I cannot do this without you. You are just as important to me as my work. I'm sorry that I made you doubt that. I guess I got too comfortable, and I regret that now. I never thought that you would… leave me…' He said with difficulty, their lips almost touching. Scully stifled a sob as she remembered walking down those wooden steps in the dead of night for the final time, after walking out on him numerous times. She remembered his worry and concern at finding out she wasn't coming home, him accusing her of cheating on him, finding him drunk and dejected on the floor of the cabin when she had returned home from work the next day, realising that he hadn't taken his meds - the cycle had gone on and on until it had been inevitable. Realising that she was going to have to up stick her life and leave this home they had made, because it was the only way that she would stop crying herself to sleep as Mulder slept on the cold floor of his office, surrounded by newspaper clippings and photos...

'How can I prove this to you?'

She felt herself tremble under his touch and she felt his breath on her skin. His question tempting her to give in to him, but she was scared of doing so. A flashback came to her of them making love night after night, motel to motel, after leaving the FBI. They had been on the run, and it had made it all the more exciting. She wished they could go back to that time.

He was close, so close.

'Mulder..' She whispered, her heart beating out of her chest. She couldn't do this, it was too soon.

But he was pulling her towards him, and finally their lips touched in a gentle kiss. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, feeling the passion running through her body and into his. Mulder kissed her back tenderly, frowning in pleasure. He had missed her so much…

'I can't.' She said, pulling away from him sharply with all the strength she could muster.

Their lips were parted but his hold on her face stayed. He knew that she was scared of where this could lead, it was to be expected.

'Please Scully…' He begged, desperate to kiss her again.

'No Mulder… I'm sorry.' She said, between sobs. 'I just can't.' She snapped defensively. 'It's too soon.'

He frowned with concern at her sadness, but he forced himself to pull away from her. She felt her breath escape her as he let go of her and she tried to gather herself. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. Closing his eyes, he raised his hands to cover his face.

'Mulder we're working together again, we need to stay professional.' She said in a low voice, trying to justify her decision. He shook his head and let out a sad laugh.

'Scully don't give me that crap.' He moaned between his fingers. 'You don't feel the same way do you?' He asked, his voice strained as he pulled his hands away from his face. Scully shook her head in desperation as she tried to find the words.

'Mulder, I will always love you.' She gushed. His eyes widened. 'But I don't think that now is the right time. I'm struggling with questions about William, and my DNA... and our break up is still too painful for me. I'm sorry.'

'I'm so sorry Scully.'

'Stop saying that. I forgive you.'

There was a silence between them and he turned to face her again, this time with relief on his face. She smiled back at him through her tears and felt her own relief fill her at the sight of his.

'I needed to hear that.'

'I know you did.' She said gently, and he reached towards her again and took her hands in his.

'I guess…' He started with difficulty – 'I can wait.' He said with a sigh, and raised her hands in his and kissed them softly. Scully let out a small laugh and her tears were gone. He smiled at her lovingly. She recognised that look.

'Just don't go dying on me ok?' She said, half joking and half serious, as she knew that it was a possibility in their line of work. 'I can't lose you.' Mulder stifled a laugh and rubbed his fingers over her knuckles gently. Her heart rose in her chest at his touch.

'Right back at y'a G-woman.' He joked. She smiled and gave him a knowing look.

They held each other's gaze for a moment as they remembered all the good times. The remembered their friendship and how no one could ever break it. They remembered their undying love for one another, and their great partnership. They remembered their intelligence, their team work, their strength, their courage, and they felt content – because finally since the breakup – they had cleared the air and were on the same page.

Because as they looked at each other, and accepted where they were in their relationship, deep down they both knew that when the time came, when all of this was over – that there would be a day when they would both welcome each other back into their hearts – with open arms.

THE END

Thank you for all your support during my writing of this story - I really hope you enjoyed it - I tried to keep it in line with the rest of the season, this could have happened between Home Again and Babylon.. right? ;)

In the meantime I have written another missing ep called Hunger Pains which focuses more on their break up which is on my profile, in case you haven't read it.

Thanks again guys, Mulder and Scully forever xx :)

I will write another missing ep if I feel I can fill any more gaps!

Oh yeh, please review! :)