Title: In the Broken Night, Set Against the Sky
Pairing: Quinn/Rachel
A/N: Lyrics from "Lifeboats" by Snow Patrol. I apologize for the day lapse in this update - I would have updated this as well yesterday but I was at the swimming pool all day getting fried. When I got home in the evening, I was totally drained and I knew if I'd written when I was feeling that drained, I wouldn't be able to get into Quinn's head as well as I normally can in situations that are this emotional for her. Anyway, thank you SO so much for the kind reviews, for everyone who's reading this. It means so much to me that you guys enjoy it. Thank you, thank you!
Catrien Ayala: I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter! I really do try to strive for a more realistic approach, so usually I don't put my characters through more than I'd expect myself to go through in the same situation, haha. I just adore the girls as a whole and I think Quinn's emotional state is important to portray the right way. ^_^
HappyLaura: As always, you flatter me. I'm so glad you liked the chapter. Lol, I love playing with Rachel, she's so funny when flustered. :D
kymikub: I'm glad I wasn't the only one! :P I ended up crying as I was writing the airport scene, lol.
vampiretiger: Yay I hooked another! Bahaha. I'm glad you enjoyed it, in all seriousness.
Sharene19: Mission accomplished. I'm depriving more people of exposure to the outside world. Muahah. Just kidding. Kind of. ;) Quinn's growing up indeed and I adore her for it. Rachel, on the other hand, is just so adorable I can't stand it. Thank you again for the sweet review.
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Chapter 6: Snap Out of It
Wake up, wake up
dreaming only leads to more and more nightmares;
snap out of it,
you said it in a way that showed you really cared...
###
"Hey," the hand at her back slid up gently, cupped the curve of her shoulder, and Quinn felt a rush of comfort and warmth as she realized it was Rachel beside her. Quinn took a break from unpacking, and sought out the outpouring of affection in Rachel's eyes. They'd made it back to Shelby's apartment - quite impressive in size - amidst conversation and a retelling of how Quinn and Rachel had ended up together. To Quinn's surprise, Rachel had avoided waxing overly poetic about the whole thing, and it was Quinn who'd gotten all emotional about the retelling of how they'd gotten together. Maybe it was the fact her daughter was in a car seat beside her. Quinn had barely been able to take her eyes off the little girl. All of her emotions hadn't fully processed everything - she thought that would probably take quite a while, perhaps the length of their two-week stay with Shelby.
"Fancy meeting you here," Quinn offered a quiet smile and looped her arms around Rachel's waist. She rested her head against Rachel's shoulder and closed her eyes, breathing in her perfume like it would cure all the conflicted emotions in her chest. The shorter girl stood on the tips of her toes, wrapped her arms fully around Quinn's neck.
A soothing hand sifted through her hair, and Quinn felt her breath release quietly. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath at all. "Are you doing okay so far?" Rachel inquired softly against the curtain of her hair.
"I think so." Those were really the only words she could offer, because in all reality she didn't know how she was doing. She was happy, unbelievably happy. "How about you?"
"It's easier seeing my mom than I thought it would be," the smile in Rachel's voice was audible, and the brunette squeezed herself a little tighter in Quinn's embrace.
Quinn pulled away, just enough room to speak comfortably to the girl she loved. Her fingers sifted through Rachel's hair in kind as she appraised her expression, her beaming smile, "You're calling her mom," she pointed out, wondering if Rachel had noticed the change.
Rachel nodded, "It just kind of .. "
"Fits?"
Another nod. Quinn smiled a bit.
"Good." The blonde leaned forward, captured Rachel's lips in a slow and loving kiss. She couldn't believe, in the back of her mind, that they were here together, in Shelby's apartment, in the middle of New York City. Quinn expected maybe she'd burst into flames and ash the moment they arrived, because that seemed more logical than her surviving this whole thing, but she was still alive. The pair separated after a little bit, and Quinn grinned widely at the way Rachel would sometimes blush at a particularly sweet kiss, even after what seemed like a very long time together. They knew each other inside and out, but Rachel still blushed it was adorable.
Rachel's head dropped against Quinn's shoulder, "Stop grinning at me like that, Quinn, it's not helping."
Quinn squealed with quiet laughter, "It's just so cute that you still blush sometimes."
A hand smacked Quinn's arm as Rachel half-pulled, half-shoved away, and the brunette was grinning to herself and looking at Quinn in a way that warned against laughing anymore.
The ex-Cheerio merely shrugged in response as her laughter softened and she caught Rachel's hand, "So we're having dinner here?"
Rachel nodded and gently tugged Quinn down the hall of Shelby's apartment. Shelby had quite impeccable taste in design. It was surprising how much Rachel's taste in things so closely mirrored her mother's inadvertently. There were even a few star decorations placed around the house, although not overwhelming. Pictures of Shelby with friends and family were everywhere, but what Quinn found herself staring at the most were pictures of Beth. The perfect little girl she'd bore for nine months and then let go. It still astonished her how alike Beth looked to both herself and Puck. Fingers laced in Rachel's, Quinn drew her gaze from yet another photo. She willed herself to focus on Rachel, too, because after all this was in some ways just as difficult for Rachel (and Shelby, she imagined).
Yet, because of Shelby, Quinn had a chance to meet her own daughter much earlier in life. Idly, Quinn wondered if Shelby had ever regretted giving Rachel up, if she'd ever wanted to see her daughter, and hurt every moment she thought of Rachel the way Quinn did over Beth. The blonde hoped, as she followed her girlfriend down the hall, that she could talk with Shelby about everything, maybe get some insight, but she didn't want to take any attention or time away from Rachel either.
"Since I'm the only vegan, you even get to eat grilled chicken tonight," Rachel teased her as they came into the livingroom. Shelby was in the kitchen making dinner for them, and glanced up at the girls. Rachel shared a shy smile with her mother, and Quinn thought there was something perfect about that. Beth was sitting on the livingroom floor, absentmindedly flinging a toy or two around as she chewed on a teething ring. She barely noticed Quinn and Rachel as they came in.
Rachel's hand gently encouraged Quinn toward Beth, and the diva took a seat on the couch, she fished around for the remote and turned the television on, apparently delighted that a Broadway production was on television. Quinn hesitated, but gently dropped to the floor beside her daughter. The blonde leaned against Rachel's legs as she hesitated and picked up one of Beth's toys. Quinn felt unsure, not all-together confident of what she should do or how she should act, not only because of Beth but because of Shelby. Beth was as much her daughter as she was Quinn's, and she really didn't want to offend Shelby by strutting in and assuming a role she didn't feel she'd quite earned. Quinn reached out and stroked Beth's soft hair, offered the child a quiet smile as she offered a toy Beth had cast aside. A small hand reached out and accepted the gift, waved it in the air at Quinn.
"I'm glad you girls decided to stay with me for a couple weeks," Shelby spoke from the kitchen, eyes on the meal she was preparing for all of them.
"We are too," Rachel offered a bashful smile, "thank you for having us," times like this made Quinn realize how truly sweet and polite Rachel was. They were all in - to say the least - and awkward situation. It was the same situation, different ages, possibly different dynamics, but it felt both beautiful and frightening at the same time.
"If you'd like, we can go sight-seeing tomorrow."
Quinn nodded in agreement, "I'd like that," she glanced back at Rachel, who looked just as eager. The brunette was watching her carefully, the way one might look over someone they didn't want to break or shatter in front of them. She offered a gentle squeeze to Rachel's knee and turned her attention back to Beth.
Beth was crawling forward a little, over her small mound of toys, to get to Quinn. Quinn's heart fluttered a little, and she smiled. It felt so surreal, to be here right now. She reached forward and closed the distance by picking Beth up and setting her in her lap. She leaned forward just enough to grab one of Beth's teething rings, amazed at the warmth she felt with a hand wrapped carefully around Beth's stomach. The little girl bounced a little and vocalized just before she placed the teething ring in her mouth. Beth seemed to be regarding her with curiosity, but seemed ultimately comfortable with Quinn holding her.
"She likes you," Shelby had apparently finished getting dinner ready, because she had turned off the mini-grill in the kitchen and come into the livingroom. She took a seat beside Rachel, who flushed shyly at her mother sitting beside her. Shelby's arm wrapped around Rachel's shoulder.
"I hope so," Quinn laughed softly at the irony in the statement, in the situation. Beth seemed to muffle an agreeing noise as she continued staring at Quinn, something she tended to do more of the more Quinn smiled or laughed. Quinn ran fingers gently over Beth's soft scalp. "I like her, too. She's really so beautiful. And happy."
"Most of the time, except when her teeth are hurting," Shelby joked softly. "She's definitely a beautiful girl, but with both you and Puck? I'm not surprised." Rachel's mother was regarding them warmly, and Quinn felt gratitude wash over her at how kind Shelby had been to invite them out there. "You girls ready to eat?" Shelby squeezed Rachel against her side.
"I have to admit I'm quite hungry, food on the plane isn't very vegan friendly and possibly not up to code," Rachel made a face, to which Quinn smiled wryly and Shelby laughed.
"You did not get all that wordiness from me," Shelby teased Rachel softly as she got up from the couch. The older version of Rachel leaned down, questioningly met Quinn's eyes. Quinn felt as if she was asking permission to take Beth from her arms, a surprisingly sweet gesture. Quinn merely nodded and gently passed Beth into Shelby's arms before standing herself. The blonde felt Rachel's hand at her back as she stood, and she gratefully slipped her hand into Rachel's as the foursome moved into the kitchen.
Rachel took a seat nearest the window, leaving the spot beside her open - coincidentally on the left side of Beth's high-chair - and Quinn squeezed her hand gratefully before sitting down. "This looks delicious."
"Vegan lasagna and grilled chicken. The two go surprisingly well together, even though I have to say, Rachel, vegan meals are really complex to make," Shelby pointed out as she placed a few remaining condiments and the lasagna in the middle of the table.
"You didn't have to, I'm not that incredibly picky. You'd be surprised what foods I can still consume as a vegan," Rachel hesitated on her words, then looked up as if she'd been caught in an insult, "but I do appreciate it." Her eyebrows knotted together in uncertainty. Shelby laughed, a light airy laugh similar to Rachel's.
"Is she always this nervous?"
Quinn laughed quietly, "Sometimes." She offered Rachel a squeeze on her knee, smiled. She searched Rachel's face, wanting to soothe Rachel and help her feel better about everything, but for now she knew that it was just beginning jitters. Rachel feared rejection, feared not being able to form a bond with her mother. "I uh.. I wanted to thank you, Shelby. For letting me come along, for letting me .. see Beth," Quinn glanced down, and felt Rachel's hand cover her own under the table. "I know it probably wasn't an easy decision to make, but you have no idea what it means - well, you probably do. It just means so much to me."
Shelby's gaze softened as it moved from Beth to Quinn, and the woman smiled understandingly. "Sweetie, we made it an open adoption for a reason. You don't know how many times I wished I had the nerve to see Rachel, to meet her. I didn't feel like I had a right. I felt like I'd forfeited that right the day I signed the papers to release Rachel from my custody," Shelby's voice had a ghost of the sadness Quinn had felt every day since she'd given Beth up. Watching Shelby, she understood that the woman knew exactly what Quinn felt, what she'd gone through. "I wanted you to have a different experience, I wanted you to have a chance to see Beth, and what means more than that, I wanted her to meet you. I know - " Shelby hesitated, glanced at Rachel as if asking for some kind of forgiveness, "I know how it's affected Rachel, and I .. didn't want that for Beth."
Quinn felt choked with emotion, and she knew Rachel did as well because Rachel was holding on to Quinn's hand under the table for dear life. Those brown eyes were full of tears Rachel couldn't cry, and she watched Rachel offer a tearful smile to her mother. Rachel leaned nearer to Quinn, her attention focused on Beth, "You got really lucky," the younger brunette spoke to Beth playfully, and Beth squealed, flailed her arms wildly, and smiled as if in agreement.
The foursome shared the rest of the meal in relative ease, finally finding things about which they could bond over.
###
"I'm just saying, that is not a good look on anyone," Quinn arched an eyebrow at Rachel, who was contemplating buying one of those Statue of Liberty headbands. "Where would you even wear that?"
Rachel rolled her eyes, "Well, Quinn, what do you suggest I buy, then?"
Quinn glanced around before spotting a shot glass. She held the glass as if she were putting it on display, and laughed as Rachel gasped and tore it from her hands. The diva set it down on the shelf and looked around inconspicuously.
"That's highly inappropriate, Quinn. Highly inappropriate. We aren't even of legal age," Rachel gently shoved Quinn forward to the section of the gift shop with t-shirts.
Laughter bubbled up from somewhere deep in her and she couldn't help it; there was something about Rachel's behavior that just amused Quinn endlessly. She was pretty sure it was amusing Shelby, too, because Rachel and Beth's mom was looking over at the girls with a laughing grin on her face.
Quinn's eyes dropped to Beth briefly and she felt her heart warm. She tried not to get too distracted by her daughter all the time, but part of her couldn't help it. Her hazel eyes lingered for a moment before she stopped with Rachel in front of the sweaters. "Hoodies?"
"I could deal with that," Rachel looked up at the rack of hoodies. She jumped up slightly, just barely too short to reach the rack above them. She shot a glare Quinn's way when the blonde bumped her out of the way and pulled down two medium-sized hoodies.
"Your mom is tall, why are you so short?" Quinn teased and wrinkled her nose at Rachel. Rachel gasped in mock-offense, but before she could say anything, Quinn had ducked away from Rachel and moved over near Shelby. Quinn's hand rested on Shelby's arm and she grinned deviously as Rachel was cut off by the stroller.
"So rude," Rachel playfully fumed, folded her arms over her chest, and both Shelby and Quinn shared a quiet laugh. Rachel huffed, then finally relented with a matching smile. The diva leaned down, kneeled down in front of Beth, and played with the girl's hands for a couple moments before she stood. "Are we ready?"
"I am when you are," Shelby stated with a light grin. "We still have the aquarium to go to," she commented simply and touched Rachel's shoulder in passing, squeezing affectionately before she made her way to the cashier's line.
Quinn watched the exchange with a smile. She felt happy that Rachel had this chance to spend time with Shelby. Idly, she toyed with the hoodies draped over her arm before she slipped her free hand into Rachel's, loving that even now as their fingers laced together, any contact with Rachel was full of reliefand a bursting of affection. They shared a lingering look before Quinn nodded toward the cashier's line, "Shall we?"
Rachel's eyes moved to her mother, and she nodded simply as they moved in behind Shelby in the line. The woman was buying Beth a little onesie, even though as a New Yorker it wasn't common to go buying something from a tourist shop. All three women had agreed, though, that a onesie with "I (heart) New York" was too cute to pass up. After the aquarium, the rest of the day would most likely be spent walking around the main shopping district of New York City, as well as a required visit to Broadway. Shelby had apparently planned a full day for them - schedule and all - something that Rachel must have acquired from her genes.
Quinn felt Rachel bouncing their hands against her thigh as the couple held hands, and her heart warmed as she glanced over at Rachel. "What, you're not going to talk about how cruel aquariums are to cetaceans?"
"I'm surprised you even know that word, Quinn," Rachel wore one of those grins that challenged Quinn to say something equally playful.
Quinn could only scoff and narrow her eyes, "I'd be insulted if I cared," and that part received a gasp as Rachel used her free hand to shove Quinn's shoulder. The pair laughed between them and Quinn found herself looking at Rachel with her heart bursting open. She touched Rachel's face briefly before she realized she could pay for their hoodies. She set the matching pair on the counter, offering the money for them, and accepting the change. Rachel reached over and took the bag, swinging it at her side as they followed Shelby out of the dockside shop. The aquarium wasn't too far away, so they settled on walking. It seemed appropriate, as Rachel wasn't shy to inform them that over half of New Yorkers never actually drove themselves across the city - they either took a cab or walked.
The bustling city was amazing to Quinn, and it was easy to see the appeal. Around them, people walked by, talking on cell phones. Distantly, every once in a while, she'd hear sirens in the distance or blaring car horns. It seemed as if New York didn't know how to be silent in any shape or form, and there was something beautiful about it. Rachel was just as taken with the city as Quinn was. The diva strode beside Shelby, her arm looped in her mother's, her other hand still laced tightly with Quinn's (she'd passed off the souvenir bag to Quinn in order to join arms with her mother). The awe in Rachel's eyes made Quinn feel it as she pulled her gaze away to look up at the buildings surrounding them. Everything moved so quickly in the city, and Quinn wondered what it would have been like to grow up here. The thought reminded her of the little girl in the stroller, and her hazel eyes warmed as she glanced down in Beth's direction. Beth would grow up here. Beth would get chances Quinn had never had, get chances Rachel had never gotten.
Shelby seemed to notice Quinn lost in thought, because the woman glanced over at her and offered a sympathetic smile, "So do I need to give you one of those parent-girlfriend talks? I really don't want to, it seems awkward in the first place," she teased softly. "Since I don't think you and Rachel have stopped having some kind of contact since you got here."
Quinn blushed brightly and laughed, "No, I mean you can if you want," she corrected herself and grinned, "but I did get that talk a couple other times, too."
Shelby laughed and Rachel beamed beside her, as if surprised Shelby cared enough to even offer the dreaded 'what are your intentions' talk.
That was enough to make Quinn happy; she squeezed Rachel's hand briefly before she kissed the back of Rachel's hand. Rachel flushed a little bit and smiled bashfully at the public display of affection. Shelby regarded the action with affection, but she noticed Beth making a bit of extra noise.
"Quinn, could you get her teething ring out of the bag in the front?" Shelby questioned hopefully, and Quinn gladly obliged the chance to do something maternal for Beth. The blonde unattached briefly from Rachel's hand as she knelt down in front of the baby girl.
It was simply moving, seeing Beth's face, seeing the way she reacted to Quinn. Quinn murmured a few soothing words as she searched for the teething ring, one hand distracting Beth by playing with her fingers and the other rifling through the small pouch in the front of the stroller. It felt so natural that Quinn would later feel absolutely blessed to have a tiny moment like that to remember. Quinn found the teething ring, felt that it was just cold enough to give Beth some relief, and she offered a large smile as she gently encouraged Beth to accept it. The little girl kicked happily and chewed on the teething ring. Quinn smiled, touched Beth's face for just a moment before she stood, red-faced with joy, and she felt Shelby's warmth radiate as the mother smiled gratefully at her. Rachel was watching Quinn with a similar smile, and the brunette requested Quinn's hand again by holding her own out in front of her. Quinn accepted Rachel's hand in her own, threading her fingers through Rachel's and swinging her hand between them as they continued down the sidewalk. Ahead of them, the aquarium looked simply enormous.
"In the spirit of a good vacation and meaningful bonding time with family, I'm going to momentarily save you all the lecture on the reprecussions of keeping sea creatures in man-made ecosystems," Rachel informed them all with a lift of her chin, and Shelby seemed to be grinning out of a mixture of affection and amusement.
"She does that sometimes," Quinn teased, glancing at Shelby, "You'll get used to it."
"Noted," Shelby laughed a little bit and nudged Rachel, "I don't know whether to be proud or concerned," she joked softly and Rachel only shrugged her shoulder lightly.
"I am who I am."
"Indeed you are," Quinn wrinkled her nose, playfully pulling away, but she felt Rachel's arms wrap around her neck from behind as Rachel hopped up onto Quinn's back, surprising the blonde. Quinn luckily caught Rachel's legs and managed to keep her balance, momentarily thinking Sue Sylvester for those endless Cheerios practices. Quinn carried Rachel piggy-back into the museum, with Shelby Corcoran following behind them.
"Oh to be young again, huh Beth?" Shelby was saying, both amused and charmed.
###
Their first full day in New York was typical for people who'd never really been to New York before. It had been the perfect ice-breaker, because by the end of the day, Shelby was talking animatedly with Rachel - the similarities between Shelby and Rachel were astonishing - and Quinn was bouncing Beth on her hip as they made their way into Shelby's apartment building. Baby Beth was touching Quinn's face and giggling, Quinn was smiling so wide she felt her cheeks aching.
She couldn't have asked for anything better. Although she knew later on this may be a situation where a lot of old feelings resurfaced as well as fears, right now it was perfect. Quinn laughed softly as Beth giggled. The little girl laughed a little bit like a chipmunk. Rachel watched as Quinn and her adoptive sister stepped on to the elevator, offered an animated grin and wiggled her fingers in greeting at Beth. Shelby looked on appreciatively and wrapped an arm around Rachel's shoulders. Quinn couldn't believe how comfortable it felt. Though she knew, in the back of her mind, that she'd made the perfect decision in giving Beth up for adoption, part of her felt like maybe she could have done it if she tried.
The ex-Cheerio pushed the thought away and bounced Beth a little on her hip. "Thank you for today, Shelby," she stated, voice full of gratitude. Her hazel eyes were probably glowing with happiness right now, mostly because her lover was standing right in front of her and making Beth giggle maniacally.
Shelby nodded. "I'm glad you girls had a good time. It was really the only day I had planned out, so after this we'll have to figure out what we want to do, and you two can figure out what you'd like to see while you're here." Quinn registered the words and wanted to say that she could've happily spent all her time in Shelby's apartment with Rachel and Beth, but she didn't think that was what Rachel would have ultimately wanted.
The thought had crossed her mind earlier in the day that perhaps it was a good idea to give Rachel and Shelby a day alone together, which in turn would give Beth and Quinn a day alone together. She thought maybe it was too soon to suggest, though, so she settled the idea in the back of her mind and glanced at Rachel, "I'm sure Rachel wants to see a Broadway show," she offered and Rachel nodded excitedly.
"In fact I've purchased tickets for the four of us to see a production later in the week, if that's all right with you," she glanced back hesitantly at Shelby, who only smiled and nodded.
"Like you could keep me away from Broadway."
Rachel bounced and flung her arms around her mother's waist, clung to her. Shelby looked a little shocked, but pleased, and as she hugged Rachel close to her, Shelby kissed the top of her eldest daughter's head. Quinn felt that familiar surge of emotion, and her eyes moved to the baby girl in her arms. She offered Beth a blinding smile, and Beth giggled a little as her fingers exploratively tugged on Quinn's necklace. Quinn's eyes met Shelby's for a moment and understanding passed between them. She definitely wanted to talk to Shelby alone, tell her how grateful she was for the chance, the gift Shelby had given her, and Rachel.
The elevator dinged as they arrived on Shelby's floor, and the foursome piled out, with Rachel happily skipping down the hall and bouncing on her heel in front of the door. Shelby let them all in, glancing back to make sure Quinn still had Beth and the stroller, and when satisfied with what she saw, she headed into the apartment behind Rachel.
"Sweet little Beth, it's time for bed," she crooned at Beth, and gently removed Beth from Quinn's arms. Quinn felt a tugging at her heart as Beth was gently taken from her, but it wasn't one of those soul-wrenching moments. It was a moment of relent, acceptance, and appreciation that Beth had such an attentive and loving mother to raise her. Quinn felt inadequate when she saw how expertly Shelby catered to Beth, and she watched Rachel's mother disappear down the hallway.
Rachel had stopped at the entrance and watched Quinn carefully, her hand slipping into Quinn's as she pulled her into the livingroom, "You were wonderful with her," she murmured simply, and captured Quinn's lips.
"I hope so," Quinn responded in kind with a quiet kiss, lingering just long enough to feel that familiar spark between them. Her heart jump-started and she sighed, relieved for the comfort of Rachel's affection.
Shelby came out a few minutes later, "Would you like to say goodnight to her?" Her eyes were resting on Quinn as Quinn turned around. To be honest, Quinn felt surprised by the gesture.
Quinn nodded slowly. She hadn't been asked last night - in fact she'd made a point not to do so, because Shelby and Rachel had been sharing a moment next to Beth's crib. The mother and two daughters had been sharing such a moment that Quinn hadn't wanted to interrupt. Shelby had been telling Rachel how proud she was to have not one, but two daughters, and to have one who was already so intelligent and mature. She was sure they'd said more to one another, but she'd walked away before it felt invasive. Her legs remembered to move as Shelby's hand found her shoulder and guided her into Beth's room. The room was dimmed, all but a little glow-worm for a night-light.
Shelby didn't persist, instead gently guided Quinn in the room, made motion for Quinn to stay quiet, "I'm going to leave you alone, just don't wake her," she requested softly. Quinn nodded and as Shelby turned to walk away, Quinn reached out and took Shelby's arm carefully.
Their eyes met, and Quinn looked confounded for just a moment before she let herself speak, "Thank you. So much." Her voice was soft, but thick with emotion.
Shelby only squeezed Quinn's hand and nodded in understanding, before she left the room and quietly closed the door behind her.
Quinn felt nervous, for some reason. She'd spent all day with her daughter but it was different now, now it was just her and Beth for a few moments. The little girl was innocently sleeping beneath Quinn's gaze, and Quinn resisted the urge to pick her up and rock her gently in her arms. She didn't want to wake her. The ex-Cheerio merely watched, took in the sight of the girl below her.
"I know you may not understand everything," Quinn spoke softly, barely above a whisper, but she wanted Beth to hear this. "When you get older, you might wonder why I didn't keep you. I did what I thought was best, and sometimes I regret it. I miss you so much, every single day," Quinn breathed the words reverently and watched Beth's even breathing. "I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life, any person. You're the most beautiful little girl I've ever met, and I'm so proud of you already. I hope one day when I'm a lot older, I'll know you almost as well as Shelby does. She loves you as much as I do, and I know she's the best mom for you. I couldn't have been as good as she is, there are so many reasons why I let you go. Just don't ever believe anyone if they tell you I didn't want you, 'cause it's so not true." Quinn breathed, felt a knot of emotion in her throat, "I wanted you, Beth, more than I've ever wanted anything else. Keeping you would have been selfish, though. Keeping you would have been the worst thing I could've done for you." She dared to reach down a finger and delicately trace Beth's soft little features. "It doesn't matter though. I'll write you all the time, if Shelby lets me, and see you whenever she invites me to, I promise. I love you, baby Beth, I really do. More than I ever thought possible, more every single day." By the time she finished speaking, she had tears stinging at the edges of her eyes and she sniffled. "Don't tell anyone I get all mushy, okay?" She laughed quietly and shook her head at herself before she placed a kiss on her fingertips and pressed her fingers to Beth's soft little cheek, barely a whisper of a touch so as not to wake the infant. With that, Quinn turned and headed out of the bedroom. She heard Shelby and Rachel talking quietly in the livingroom, and she rested silently against the wall until there was a lull in the conversation. She didn't want to break apart anything important.
Quietly she made her way into the livingroom when it seemed to be all clear, and both Shelby and Rachel turned their heads toward the blonde at the same time. Quinn felt a little caught, and laughed nervously, "Sorry," she gave an apologetic smile. "Should I..?" She thumbed the air behind her, suggesting going into another room.
"No, you're fine," Shelby shook her head, gave a small grin. She looked over at Rachel, and like any mother might, lovingly stroked Rachel's hair. "I think I'm going to head to bed for tonight, I'm wiped," she murmured simply to Rachel and the diva nodded in response. The two shared a long embrace before Shelby rose from the couch and headed past Quinn, squeezing the blonde's hand in passing. Quinn smiled gratefully.
Rachel's eyes lingered on her mother before they rested on Quinn again. Her expression took on a softer tone, laced with a little bit of concern. "How'd it go?"
Quinn nodded, sat down next to Rachel. "Good. It's.. I have a lot of emotions about all of it, but mostly happiness. Peace, which I haven't felt for a really long time," her fingers knotted with Rachel's and she tugged her hand into her lap. Quinn let out a quiet sigh and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. She felt fingers sift through her hair and she let out another breath, relief flooding her.
"Any bad feelings?"
"No, not really. Fear, a little bit. I wonder if Beth will grow up wondering why I did what I did. I wonder if Shelby.. your mom, if she'll let me keep seeing Beth, .. a lot of what ifs," Quinn stated honestly and closed her eyes. Rachel's lips brushed across her temple and she lifted her head. "Bed?"
"Yes please," Rachel smiled slowly, rose from the couch and pulled Quinn with her. The pair made their way quietly down the hall, Rachel whispering a goodnight little Beth in passing as they passed the doorway, and Quinn opened the door to the room they were sleeping in.
Quinn waited for Rachel to come in before closing the door behind her. Rachel made her way to their bags and got out pajamas for the both of them, not without tossing Quinn's pajamas directly in her face. Quinn laughed and pulled the fabric from her face, "Is that really necessary? How old are you?"
"Old enough," Rachel teased and stuck her tongue out. Quinn rolled her eyes and slipped off her clothing, not missing the bashful but flirtatious look in Rachel's eyes. It didn't take long for them both to change into their pajamas, and it took even less time to find themselves in bed together, lip-locked.
Quinn kissed Rachel slowly, enjoying the taste of her lips against her own, the warmth of their tongues finding one another. It was loving, quiet, yet still sensual and longing. It lacked no emotion, for they'd both been so overfilled with emotion that they couldn't help but pour it out from their souls into one another, into kissing one another at the end of a long day. Rachel's fingers tangled in Quinn's hair, and she made that little whimpering noise that jump-started Quinn's heartbeat every single time. The blonde smiled into the kiss, pressed her torso closer, and tugged Rachel's hips against her own in an undemanding way.
She forgot about worrying, forgot about everything. Rachel made her feel invincible in moments like these, when Rachel was whimpering into her mouth and pleading for a deeper kiss, pleading for more contact. Quinn felt Rachel's free hand move against her hip and search for bare skin - her fingers danced underneath Quinn's pants and gripped her hips tighter. The diva became more insistent and Quinn happily obliged as her hip rolled downward in the way that teased Rachel the most.
It was safe to say their first full day in New York had been one that exceeded expectations, and Quinn felt a rush of adrenaline as her fingers dipped into that place inside Rachel she loved the most, the place that brought them both crumbling into one another's arms in desperation and the intoxication of youth washed over them like an ocean's swell. Rachel panted quietly into her mouth, and Quinn sought deeper places inside Rachel, sought new ways to make Rachel hers, trying to memorize every second as Rachel's hips crashed in waves against Quinn's evermore insistent strokes.
###
Sleep fell upon them heavily a few hours after they'd begun. Rachel had fallen asleep draped over Quinn's body, and Quinn's mind was miles away, sunk under the sea.
In her dreams, Quinn saw Beth, all grown. She looked starkly like Quinn, with dark eyes. Beth was talking, distantly, and Quinn couldn't hear a thing she was saying. She didn't look happy, and in fact she seemed to look quite angry. Quinn felt her heart break. She reached out for Beth but Beth pulled away, jerked her elbow from Quinn's grasp.
What were they fighting about?
Suddenly Beth was gone, and Quinn was alone. There was no Rachel, no Beth, nobody.
She awoke gasping, and felt Rachel startled against her.
"Quinn? Are you okay?"
Quinn felt a waterfall of emotion, and she collapsed against Rachel's bare shoulders. She didn't know why she was crying and the details of the dream were quickly fading away. She clung to Rachel and buried her face against Rachel's collarbone. She cried, cried in a way she hadn't in a very long time.
"Shhh, it's okay," Rachel soothed lovingly and pressed insistent kisses to Quinn's hands before gently moving the blonde out of her arms, her hands cupping Quinn's face. She captured Quinn's lips again and again, dipped her mouth against Quinn's insistently, pleading with her wordlessly for her tears to stop. Quinn responded in kind, kissed Rachel desperately.
"Please don't ever leave me, please," Quinn begged, pleaded, kissed Rachel deeper and with more desperation than she'd ever felt. "Please, Rach," she begged, felt as if she was drowning in fear, awash some distant shore alone.
Rachel shook her head, kissed Quinn, continued kissing Quinn until Quinn's tears stopped, "Never, never."
"Always and forever, we'll be?" Quinn pleaded against Rachel's warm mouth, kissed her deeply, like a girl in love with someone who might fade away at any second.
Rachel nodded, her fingers gripping Quinn's hands tightly, "I swear to you, I'm not going anywhere," her eyebrows were knotted with concern and she was staring Quinn right in the eyes. She looked like she might have gotten a little emotional because of Quinn's desperate pleas.
"Okay," Quinn breathed, and kissed Rachel again. Rachel's arms were wrapping loosely around Quinn and pulling her into a tight embrace, skin against skin. Quinn let herself be rocked and held, fell asleep once more to the sound of Rachel's familiar humming, their haunting lullaby easing Quinn into a more restful sleep.
Always and forever, we'll be,
you and me,
you and me..