Chapter eight: Almost lover

The baby's crying forced Jackie to calm herself down and she held the baby close, murmuring thousands of apologies for having to kill her mother. Jackie overpaid the taxi driver and hurried down the stairs into the base, which was a wreck again. One of these days, she'd be able to clean the base and have it stay that way for one day.

She hurried into the hub, her heart rate back to normal, but the tension was still tight in her shoulders. "The mineshaft," Tension and dread filled Tosh's voice. "the military are using it for storage. Nuclear warheads, ten of them. Nobody's supposed to know, not even us."

That's how it starts. Gwen said over the long distance walkie-talkie. At least the aliens hadn't knocked out the radio waves yet. Radio waves were a bit harder than taking out the telephone network.

No heavy weapons. Jack sounded slightly impressed at how intelligent this alien race was.

Exactly, they don't need any. Gwen pointed out. They use our own against us.

We left the key under the doormat. All you need is to walk in and take over.

"Please tell me you can stop this." Tosh fought to keep her voice even, but Jackie could sense her nerves.

Going as fast as we can. If we don't, we won't feel a thing. Jack's cheerful note sparked some irritation as she heard his next line. We're all at the centre of the blast radius.

"That's comforting." Tosh said sarcastically.

Come on, have a little faith. With a dashing hero like me on the case, Jack questioned. How can we fail?

"He is dashing," Ianto said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "you have to give him that.

"Cocky and arrogant as well." Jackie said into the open radio before Owen took his thumb off the receiver.

Jack's laugh traveled over the sound. That's my girl. You made it back to the hub in one piece!

"Eyes on the road, flyboy." She ordered. "I've gotten a hold of something that you really don't want to miss out on, so get back here fast."

Yes ma'am! He laughed. God, I missed flirting with you like this.

She glowered at the receiver and shook her head at Owen. "Turn it off. I'm not arguing with him like this." She sniffed and shifted the baby girl. "I'm not flirting." Though frankly, at this moment she wondered why she called Jack 'flyboy' she hadn't called him long in a long time.

Ianto's eyes narrowed as he took in the sight of Jackie. "Oh dear God, you're bleeding and…is that a baby?"

The baby girl let out a wail, causing Owen and Ianto to jump. "What's a baby doing here at the end of the world?"

"It doesn't matter." Jackie said as Tosh stepped towards her and looked at the little girl. "The world isn't going to end."

"It might." She rolled her eyes in irritation as Owen. "And what if they can't stop it?"

"They'll stop it." Tosh said firmly, though her body langue was slightly rigid with worry for Jack and Gwen's safety.

"Yeah," Owen reasoned. "but if they can't?"

"Then it's all over." Ianto said blandly, accepting the inevitable.

Owen inhaled before speaking in a voice that informed everyone that as far as he was concerned, the end of the world had come and he was making his last request. "Let's all have sex.

Jackie let out a shudder of disgust as Ianto stated in his bland fashion "And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse."

"God," Jackie groaned. "what is it with everyone and sex? Honestly! The world isn't going to end." The baby let out a gurgled protest. "I'm sorry honey," she cooed, soothing the baby. "so sorry. Shh." The baby let out a loud wail and Jackie glanced to Owen. "You don't happen to have any infant formula, do you?"

Owen stated at her as if she'd lost her mind. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am you're a doctor and I think Anna is hungry."

"This is a base that hunts aliens!" Owen protested before shuffling off towards the medical supply room for a look anyway.

"Anna?" Ianto asked as he stepped a little closer to her. "You named her?"

Jackie nodded. "Yes, she looks like an Anna and we can't keep calling her 'it' or 'her,' we need a name." Ianto nodded in agreement, as he reached for Anna, who quieted in curiosity, staring up at Ianto with wide eyes. We're going to have to try to find the father. He doesn't know he's a father though, she dumped him."

"How do you know this?" Tosh questioned.

"I got a floodgate of memories, after I killed the mother and…it wasn't pretty." She shuddered violently. "The father's name was Jeff though."

Tosh smiled. "That'll help. Any idea how old she is?"

She shook her head. "No, that's Owen's territory."

"Sorry," Owen said as he came back towards the hub center. "no infant formula of any kind." He took Anna from her hands carefully and studied her. "I'd say, she's about three months old. I'll check her over and er, uhm…clean off the blood."

Jackie shuddered and looked down at herself, she felt sick to her stomach. Tosh? Jack's voice came over the speaker. We stopped it. The phone lines should be connecting very soon. We should be back in a few minutes.

Jackie reached for the radio. "Aright, see you when you get back."

Is that all you gotta say? Jack whined playfully. Come on, we just stopped the world from ending.

"The world wasn't scheduled to end today. God dictates that, not aliens." She reminded him. "However, thanks for keeping Gwen safe. See when you get back."

Jackie, come on. Gwen said. Do you have to be so cold to Jack?

"Gwen," she snapped. "I am covered in blood, I need to take a shower so I can wash off the blood of the woman I murdered! I've got a baby to take care of! Jack is the last thing on my mind at this moment."

Well, I should be your first, hold on, Jack's voice sounded confused. Did you say baby?

"I did."

As in, a baby, baby?

"Yes, and don't worry, you're not the father."

Twenty minutes later,

Jackie came out of the bathroom completely dressed, but her golden bathrobe over her dress. She came out toweling her hair dry, to relieve Ianto from holding Anna. Ianto smiled gratefully as he handed Anna over with her bottle. "I'll go get that crib set up for you."

"Thank you Ianto." she took Anna and who was still greedily gulping down her milk.

"I'll do it," Tosh muttered as she walked by them from Jack's office. "but I'm not happy."

"Just do what you have to." Jack requested as he shook his head. Jack looked at her and Jackie held his gaze. She walked slowly towards him, shifting Anna carefully on her arm. He studied her for a moment before stepping towards her. "And who's this?" Jack questioned as he stepped forward with an impish look on his face. "You didn't accidentally get pregnant by some alien and give birth while I was gone?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, she's the reason I had to bolt out of the room so suddenly. Her mother was one of the aliens and she just walked away from her, I saved her before she got hit by a car."

Jack arched a brow. "And this has happened before?"

"Yes. A child, the day you returned was lost and there was a pedophile after him. I just happened to be in the area. I turned the man in, he's spending a few years in prison."

"So apparently, you either sense things when they're near or connected to the case we're working on. Interesting," he stepped towards her, pushing the blanket back to see Anna's face better. "you seem to be able to protect people who are unable to take care of themselves."

Jackie smiled. "Tosh is doing a search; she's looking for the biological father."

"Maybe you should keep her," Jack suggested. "if the parents split up, then maybe he doesn't want her."

"He didn't even know she existed." Jackie murmured. "I got that from a splotch of memories after I….killed Anna's mother."

Jack crossed his arms. "I've been meaning to ask you about that. They have an impervious layer, weapons can't harm them. So what did you do? How'd you kill her?" She was silent for a moment. "You were covered in blood," he stated. "so I know it wasn't pretty. You're hesitating, so I know you feel guilty about it."

Jackie bit her lip and let out a small shuddering breath. "Jack I-

"I won't let you freeze me." Beth suddenly shouted from the medical supply room across the way. "I'll kill you all."

"What the hell?" Jack questioned as he came around the corner, drawing his gun. "Stay behind me!" he ordered her.

"I've got a baby," she reminded him. "I'm staying here."

Jack ran out of the room shouting. "Let her go! Let her go!"

"No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, don't shoot." Gwen pleaded. "It's a trick. She won't hurt me. She won't hurt me."

"Move away from her now!" Tosh ordered.

"Everybody, calm down!" Jack shouted, before taking a deep breath and speaking in a more controlled voice. "Beth, you don't want to do this." Jackie came slowly out of Jack's office to find Beth's arm had turned into a huge, powerful blade, which was pressed against Gwen's neck. "Let Gwen go."

Beth hesitated for a moment before shouting. "I'll kill her first, then all of you, then the rest of your miserable species!"

Jackie shook her head as she stepped towards Ianto. "She's bluffing. It's a trick."

"Beth, please." Gwen pleaded. "They will kill you. You have proved to be better than that; you helped us to stop the invasion. You can be human. Please, Beth."

Again, Beth hesitated before shaking her head. "Not human enough."

"Beth." Gwen begged.

"Goodbye, Gwen." Jackie heard the tears in Beth's voice as she drew back her arm and everybody shot Beth down. Jackie turned and walked back to Jack's office, her stomach churning. How much more bloodshed would she be exposed to in one day? She'd seen people die for so many reasons since she joined this life. She missed the days where she'd simply been Jack's girl and did nothing more traumatic than hunting weevils. She missed being the sandwich girl and the woman she was back then, but that woman was gone now and a strange woman had taken her place. She'd lost herself and she wasn't sure if she could ever find herself again.

An hour later,

"Jackie?" Ianto's voice broke her out of her thoughts as she watched Anna lay on a blanket in the center of Jack's office, gazing curiously around the room in amazement. "I need to know, are you taking Anna to your flat or mine?"

"Neither actually," she said as he walked towards her, careful to avoid Anna. "neither of our landlords allow children. I'll stay here, it's just one night. Tosh found the father and I'll take Anna to him in the morning."

"You can use my room." Jack offered as he entered the room with a handful of papers, moving towards his desk. "It's just for one night."

"Thanks." She stated cordially. "But the couch will suit me fine."

"Suit yourself." He shrugged as he sat down. "You can't be touchy forever."

"I thought the same thing about you. No one can be so arrogant forever."

Ianto smirked slightly at Jack's indignant look. He cleared his throat. "I was able to create a crib of sorts out of a large crate." Ianto stepped out of the room and came back in with a box. "I filled it full of pillows and I found some blankets as well."

She stood up and took the crate from him, setting it near the couch. "Thank you so much Ianto." She wrapped her arms around his waist, stretched up on her toes and kissed him gently on the lips. He placed his hands on her waist and returned the kiss somewhat uneasily, possibly because Jack was in the room. After a few moments, he broke the kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow. And if Jack begins to bother me, I'll roast him."

"Lightly, don't burn him to a crisp." He smiled uneasily, a faint blush on his cheeks. "Sleep well."

She smiled and Ianto left the room. Jackie picked up Anna and set her in her new 'crib' while Jack quietly examined the blade that broke off from Beth's arm. She could sense the questions about to come from his lips when Gwen walked into the room. She was still upset about Beth's death and she'd cleaned Beth's body on her own.

Gwen smiled at her before walking up to Jack, asking softly. "Do you think we stopped it?

"Maybe." Jack set the blade down and swung his dirty boots up onto his kidney bean shaped desk. "Maybe we've just put it off for a while, I don't know. We don't know anything."

"We know plenty." Gwen stated slowly. "We know about the implant. We can disable their force field. We know how they attack. We know that they can be killed." Jack rubbed his fingers together thoughtfully as he surveyed Gwen. She seemed to be trying to convince herself that Beth's death hadn't been in vain. "And while they think they have the element of surprise, we know they haven't. But, until that day, we just keep doing what we do."

"Oh," Jack let out a groan as he swung his feet off his desk; his voice adopted a rough pirate accent for a moment. "them be fighting' words, they be, Gwen." Gwen and Jackie smiled faintly while Jack grinned at her for a moment. However, he soon exhaled and asked seriously. "So, have you set a date?"

Jackie let out a moan and thumped her head in irritation as Gwen's smile disappeared. "Oh, don't get me started, please." She begged. "My mam's already been on the phone, saying, "What about the local church, Gwen? It's ever so lovely." And Jackie can't even give her own input," Gwen pointed out. "because as far as my parents are concerned, she's still mute!"

Jack held up his hands and pointed towards the door. "Go home." His tone was firm, yet kind. "Keep doing what we do."

Gwen dipped her head in acknowledgement. "Good night, Jack." she turned to Jackie and smiled at her. "Good night Jackie."

"Good night Gwen. I'll do some browsing online, try to find you something autumn like theme for your wedding, just like you want."

Gwen smiled. "Thanks Jackie, you're the best."

Jackie offered no response as Gwen walked out of the room. Jackie kicked off her heels, swung her feet up on the couch and closed her eyes. At that moment, Anna woke and let out a wail. Jackie stirred from the bed and moved to get Anna. She was dry, so Jackie deduced that she might just want to be held. She picked up Anna and looked up to see Jack looking at her. Slightly unnerved, she avoided his gaze and decided to settle on the couch, placing Anna on her stomach. Anna suddenly went silent and gazed at her, wide eyed.

"Motherhood suits you." Jack stated as he stood up and walked towards her. She said nothing as he sat down on the arm of the couch. "You're a born natural."

"Thank you Jack."

"So," he questioned casually. "do you want children?"

She closed her eyes against the bitter pain that welled up inside her as she confessed. "I can't have children."

He frowned slightly. "How can you possibly know that? I know for a fact that you're still a virgin."

"We did a scan of my senses completely the day you left." She closed her eyes for a moment, grateful that Anna's curious fingers poking around her face kept Jack from seeing the pain in her eyes. "Infertility was one of the useless facts I learned about myself."

"I'm sorry."

He placed his hand on her shoulder and this time, Jackie didn't shrug it off. "I wanted to be a mother, so much, but I find that I can't." she exhaled. "But life is full of disappointments and things happen for a reason. If I do get married, I can always adopt."

"What happened to you while I was gone?" His tone was gentle. "You changed, you seem tougher, yet you also seem extra sensitive. While I love the tougher side of you, there's a bit of pain that causes you to become bitter. You're also missing that sweet and vulnerable side."

"I recall you telling me a few times that I needed to be stronger."

Jack exhaled. "I did but…I prefer you the way you were. I love you still," she closed her eyes and exhaled. "but I miss the way you were."

"thing's can't go back to the way they were." She pointed out tightly. "Ever."

"Why?"

"Because a lot happened to me that night Jack, I've changed and I can't go back to where I was before." She was silent for a long time before responding. "My parents died that day, killed by the toclafane. Rhys was severely injured; he lost his right arm and leg. Ianto lost his sister that day as well. We worked, trying to save people and protect others from the toclafane. We had to go underground in a cave, well hidden from the toclafane. Then, we began transferring weapons from here anyway possible. It was like a nightmare. We also began working on weapons to destroy the toclafane, but that was hard. Ianto was especially protective of me and I fell in love with him." Jack was silent and offered no comment. "He got hurt several times protecting me. He took a bullet for me, one inch away from his heart." She bit her lip before admitting. "I was captured by the master's soldier soon after that. I was tortured, in every way possible."

"Were you assaulted?" Jack questioned firmly. "And by that, I mean violated?"

"I was." She said quickly. "They wanted me to reveal where the base was hiding everyone so of course, they used whatever tactics possible."

"Jackie, I'm-

She cut him off. "I was able to escape when Ianto rescued me. He knew the extent of my torture, because…he walked into my cell during one of those…visits. I tried pushing him away, but he wouldn't give up, nor let me go. In time, my heart returned his affection; we were much closer than before. But then the blessing and the curse of the year returning to the present time happened. My mind was calmed from the trauma, my body healed and my virginity restored. But my heart hadn't healed from the whole experience and my memory is still intact."

Jack exhaled and said. "I was held on the master's ship for the year. I was tortured that whole year as well. He killed me several times just for fun."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"The worst part of the whole ordeal for me was," he admitted. "not knowing if you were alive or not. I left you, without a word, under very bad circumstances and nothing I can do or say, can make up for it."

She exhaled. "I just need to let it go, but it's hard."

Jack leaned over and hugged her shoulder. "I can wait, I shouldn't have left you like that and you have the right to be furious at me. When you saw me again and you asked someone to take your gun away before you shot me yourself."

"I wouldn't have done that." She said softly. "I was mad and hurt, but I don't think I could."

"I wished you had." He confessed softly. "Because, it would have made me feel better. You could hurt me as badly as I hurt you."

Jackie shifted uncomfortably. "Stop it Jack, or else you'll make me cry."

"Haven't I made you cry enough?" He asked, his tone causing her stomach to clench.

"Jack," she said slowly, sensing what was coming. "please, don't."

"I'll wait as long as you need me to wait." He said softly. "I'll be here, waiting, once you've decided."

Jackie shook her head and shifted away from him. "No Jack. It's over between us."

"It's over between you and Ianto as well." He said as he took her chin gently in his hand and turned her to face him. "And I," his voice dropped to a whisper. "don't believe you can shut the door between us as easily."

Jackie inhaled sharply as Jack swooped in to kiss her. She jerked her head to the side. Her heart rate sped up as his lips landed on the corner of her mouth. "Jack." she whispered out as her heart pounded in her throat as he continued pressing kisses on the corner of her mouth. "Please, don't-

And little Anna began to cry again, causing Jack to stop his advances. Jackie exhaled and stood up and began walking, her insides shaking like jello. Jack stood up and took Anna from her. "You rest, you're tired. I'll watch her for a bit."

As Jackie sat down, words flowed out from her lips. "I tore her mother's head off."

Jack didn't even pause in his walk. "And why'd you do that?" He didn't ask her out of curiosity. He asked her as though he knew the answer and was just waiting for her to realize the answer for herself.

"Because…she was going to destroy the civic building and people were going to die."

"Then you did what you had to do Jackie. Sometimes, we all have to do things that disgust us or are really hard choices. The woman wasn't human anymore, she was an alien trying to bring down the world and you stopped it."

"I could have knocked her out or something."

"We would have had to kill her anyway; you saw what happened to Beth. They were too dangerous." Jack studied her thoughtfully for a moment. "I want you to take a week off."

She shook her head. "I can't."

"You can and you will." He stated firmly. "Take some time off, do some soul searching and take a break. You'll feel a bit better in the end."

Jack pulled the blanket over her shoulders and she smiled softly at him. He returned her smile as he sunk down on the couch by her feet. Anna had rested her chubby, curled fingers on Jack's chest and was now sleeping soundly. Jackie closed her eyes then her breathing hitched as 'Almost lover' by Fine Frenzy began to play and realized that she must have mentally turned it on.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? His hand on her hip caused her to twitch and shift a bit, so he moved his hand down to rest on her knee. So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.

Jack really wanted to act as if nothing had stopped between them, but things couldn't go back to the way they were, no matter how hard he wished it. It was during little moments like this that she almost wished that things could go back to the way they were. She remembered how happy and carefree she'd been a long time ago, but that girl was dead now and Jack had killed her. The Master had taken that dead body, brought it back to life, and reshaped it into something unrecognizable, but at least it was alive.