Thought I would write a short chapter describing how Jeff feels.
Still don't own them.
Jeff hadn't gone back to sleep he just wanted his Mother to leave him alone. Every time he was made to talk about his sons it upset him, especially when it came to John.
John reminded him so much of Lucy, he had the same eyes, same nose, same mouth, same interests. Jeff knew that John used to get picked on because he looked more 'feminine' than his brothers, but he secretly loved that about his son.
A tear ran down Jeff's face and fell onto the pillow as he remembered every morning he woke up next to his wife, he missed being able to cuddle up to her and tell her how much he loved her.
Since her death he had burdened himself with guilt. He felt that no-one in the whole world knew how he felt and drink was the only anaesthetic strong enough to deaden the pain or at least after he passed out he wouldn't feel or remember the pain.
'She wanted to come with us' he thought 'I wouldn't let her, I made her stay at the cabin' he wiped away more tears the faster they came. 'I thought it was safe, but it wasn't as the avalanche struck we all heard it. It was at that exact moment that I abandoned my sons'
"I abandoned our sons Luce," he said out loud sobbing as quietly as possible into his pillow. "I love them as much as I do you…did…and I abandoned them," somehow saying out loud made it sound worse.
'When I found you, you were in the snow I held you in my arms but it was too late, once the ambulance took you away, I stopped acknowledging them, I didn't want to do this by myself Luce,' he needed her there to tell him everything was going to be okay, to stoke his hair and reassure him.
"Oh Luce, I know exactly what I have to do. I don't want our children that we made to be without a Mother and Father," he said out loud as if his wife was right there in the room with him, "I am missing them grow up because I am missing you."
"I am going to make you a promise, Luce," still talking out loud. "I promise that I am going to take good care bringing up our children and I will be an active part in their daily lives."
It was a promise he had made every day since she died.
Please R&R