Standard Disclaimer
Well the house deal fell through so while I get to keep my money I don't have a fancy new place to live. Such is life. Got some nice plans for Halloween which is awesome, hope you all do something cool. Sorry for the delay, man I say that a lot don't I, but life is hectic and work projects are eating a lot of time.
X-X
With Nothing Else
Chapter – 13
Walking into the lab after leaving it for twenty minutes, Ritsuko had to smother her smile less she embarrass the poor lad again. His time with Rei had not caused his little issue with making that final sample any easier or faster, if anything it took longer now. Shame her ex-lover, hell any of her ex-lovers, didn't have that staying power. Sitting down in her chair, it's leather was splitting and the innards exposed to the air, she could see the shame radiating off of him. "Remember I won't tell anybody about this, Shinji-kun, a doctor's trust is confidential," she lied.
Unable to make eye contact with her, Shinji just handed over the sealed jar and continued to examine all the tools of the trade she had. "I-I know that you're just doing your job and looking out for me. Sorry about how long it takes though," Shinji deflated further on the examination table. Sneaking a peek at the woman, a gleam in his eye, Shinji ventured outside his comfort zone, "Ritsuko-san, c-can I ask you a question?"
"Of course you can, Shinji-kun, I'll answer if I can," Ritsuko twirled on the broken chair and put the sample in a small refrigerator. Right alongside Asuka's blood work and a small jar of vaginal fluid she got from the new Rei. So much to work on, it was all she had her work anymore. Two weeks of testing on that new Rei was unnerving! The girl was nothing like the previous incarnation, which spit in the face of her late mother's documentation. Losing focus, she just stared at those jars, "Ask away Shinji-kun." Likely it was another question about why he had to give her semen samples.
Nervous, more so than his typical aversion to troubling people, Shinji's head seemed incapable of resting in one spot for more than a moment. Leaning in after he was sure nobody had teleported into the sealed office, "W-what is wrong with Ayanami-san?" From what Ritsuko could tell from Misato's and the Section-2 reports he never called the girl Rei. "She's so different than before. Its like she's a different person! I'm not just talking about her memories…its everything!" his sudden zeal was startling.
"Traumatic mental trauma has been known to have such results on people, sadly. Without her previous memories of things, what made her how she was…is gone," Ritsuko repeated the lie she came up with expertly. In all reality she had no idea why this girl was so divergent from the norm. For a moment she feared Gendo would just kill her as well and hope the fourth incarnation was back to his liking. But the girl followed orders to the T and that was all Gendo cared about. But seeing Rei smiling so openly, acting so candidly, it was off putting. Shinji didn't seem to like that answer though as his shoulders crumpled more. Putting a hand on his, grabbing his warm fingers, "Want to talk about it?"
Fidgeting, the boy tried to yank his hands free without showing his aversion but Ritsuko held firm. "W-what is there to say really? She doesn't remember me. At school, if she gets to stay, she's talking with people she's never…" Shinji looked up with glassy eyes that threatened an outbreak. The reports of Rei at school were another disturbing thing Ritsuko could have lived without knowing. Boys, Rei seemed to like talking to boys if she wasn't immediately called into Nerv for tests. Ritsuko was quick to come up with reasons. Shuddering a little, Shinji just shook his head, "She's not the girl I love anymore, she's a stranger. I told myself when it started not to get used to it…that it wouldn't last…but it still hurts."
Now that was something Ritsuko could relate to, more so than Shinji could know. "In time it'll get better. And didn't I hear Misato say that you had another date with that Tachibana girl?" Ritsuko knew all the details but played it off. Wouldn't do Shinji good to know that both Sakura and Chidori had Section-2 detachments now. Somebody couldn't just dose a pilot and be expected to not be left alone. No, both girls were considered possible threats now, and only Shinji's pleading kept Chidori from seeing the inside of a Nerv prison cell.
As for Shinji's emotional state, what could Ritsuko really say that she didn't say to herself? Even knowing Gendo didn't truly love her, not the way she wanted at least, she still cared about the man. It was small and brittle now, not the glowing and fervent near obsession she had when the relationship started but before the pain did. Time did not heal all wounds, her memories jaded and scared, refused to still the quiver her heart when she was alone with him. Hopes he'd sneak up behind her and massage her shoulders like he used to…it was a dream. And yet she was lying to Shinji about how he'd get over it. At least she didn't have to see Gendo acting strangely and talking openly to everything that lived.
"Misato-san says the same thing to me," Shinji didn't sound like he believed either lie. Good kid, he was learning the truths of the world. His cheeks did color a little though as Ritsuko reaffirmed her hold, actually holding his hand now. With a shrug he just let the woman do what she wanted, "As for Sakura-san…it wasn't really a date. Asuka was with us and all we did was watch a movie. I'm not…" He went silent and slid his long and slender fingers out of Ritsuko's grip. "She's a nice girl, but I'm just not…I don't trust her," he had been burned by her before.
Helping Shinji off the counter, her little free time was almost up and while she was finding herself enjoying Shinji's company more she had work to do. Leading him to the door a wicked idea popped into her head, "Well why don't you have her prove herself? Nobody said you had to marry this girl. Though she is rich, give you an easy life. Why not see if it works, or at least use her as she tried using you?" Advising a teenager to trick and manipulate a doe-eyed girl with hero worship, Ritsuko felt the urge to take it all back.
"I can't do that! I don't want to…sounds like something my fa…" Shinji quickly shut his mouth and stumbled for the door. Scrambling for the handle he yanked it open so suddenly it almost hit him. Turning to the doctor he gave her the proper respect and bowed slightly, "You were teasing me weren't you! Misato-san said you could be just like her at times." He actually giggled, his mind truly didn't believe what she said was meant in earnest.
Grabbing the door, her innards cold and hallow, Ritsuko felt like crying. "Yup," she let his lie become truth, "Just messing with you. You're a lot cuter when you smile, Shinji-kun. And I know this Ayanami business is hard. But don't let it ruin you for relationships. Same goes for that Tachibana girl. It was her friend that you can't trust. Now get going and get to school. You can still make the second half." She shut the door without waiting for his response. What the fuck was wrong with her! Telling him to fuck that girl and use her just because Sakura would likely gladly let him! And that comment he made about how it was something Gendo would do! He was right, and she told him to do it!
The bento Shinji made for her stood out, the colorful box was an eyesore in the sterile and monochrome office. Opening it, lunch would be early today, she snapped her provided chopsticks in half when a knock on her door interrupted her. "Just one day, can't I get just one day of peace anymore?" she asked the food, it didn't answer. Resealing the box, she pushed it out of sight before calling, "Door's open, so make it quick."
"You said you wanted these reports the moment they were done, Akagi-san," Makoto peeked his head in. After adjusting his glasses, he was pushed into the room by his companion, the ever smiling Kaji. Stumbling a few steps, an angry scowl was fired off at the unshaven man who didn't notice or care about it. "Not interrupting you are we? We passed Ikari-kun and figured you'd be free," he handed Rei's sync report over and rubbed his shoulder where Kaji pushed him.
Walking about like he owned the place, detached and calm as always, Kaji circled behind the tired woman. "Of course we're interrupting her, Ritsuko-chan never really has any free time when she's on base," he winked at her knowingly. Co-conspirators both knew they were at Gendo's beck-and-call twenty-four hours a day, everyday. Gently grabbing her shoulders, the man worked his magic to ease the tension out of them. "But we can hope to make ourselves useful to her while we pick her brains right Makoto?" so effortlessly the man interacted with man and woman alike.
Easing back into Kaji's hands, Ritsuko would miss these once Kaji's usefulness to Gendo ended and the man was killed. Would Misato be like Shinji is now when Kaji vanished, or would she not care? "I have a few minutes until I have to go and see to the Magi tuning," and the Dummy Plug syncing for Ayanami. Wincing as Kaji used just a tad to much strength and pinched a nerve. Funny how Shinji could do this better, but Ritsuko would take what she could. Pointing at the grinning Makoto, "What's on your minds, boys? Hyuga-kun, you needing something?" He never really talked to her outside of work, like most men she knew he was intimidated by him.
"Well I was going to ask if you knew anybody that could cover my shift this evening. Aoi and I want to go on a little date…and Kaji-san invited himself along so I can't ask him," Makoto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. The question was hidden between the words. Would she work for him, a full day from morning to night at the base?
Sighing hard, Ritsuko just thumbed through the pages and noticed something that defiantly didn't look good. "I'll find somebody to cover you, but I will not cover your maternity leave when that girl gets pregnant," Ritsuko had to set some rules. With how many rumors were going out about Makoto and his mystery girlfriend, Ritsuko expected the wedding invitation…Scratch that, she expected to hear Misato needing time off for his wedding. Makoto wouldn't invite her. Only when Misato forced the issue did Ritsuko get invited. Damn was that her life now? No friends beside Misato and a fourteen year old boy that she constantly lied to? The urge to cry came back with such force she had to cover her eyes for a moment just in case they did leak. At least Misato had the night shift, maybe she could talk to her.
"Excellent! See I told you Ritsuko-chan is approachable Makoto-kun! Now if I can just get Misa-chan to agree to it, we'll have a double date!" Kaji's hands bite down hard as his excitement grew. Ritsuko felt it, Kaji's hidden hope, reconciliation with the one that got away. His heat vanished as he rejoined Makoto at the door, with a wave and a wink, "You're a real doll, Rits. Thanks." And like that Makoto waved and offered a more formal and less meaningful thanks and left her alone.
Alone again, always alone even when with other people. "I hate this," she reclined her head back and examined the spinning blade of the ceiling fan. Work was all she had anymore wasn't it? As much as Misato decried the man, Ritsuko could see it was a crumbling defense and soon her friend would be back to fucking or loving Kaji…who knew what it would be. And now that Gendo had pulled up stakes, if he ever truly put any down, all she had was her shadow. The great Naoko Akagi's mewling and under performing daughter.
Gripping the latest of Rei's sync scores tightly in her hand, for a moment Ritsuko thought of just dropping them and everything else. Welcome the apocalypse! Death didn't seem that bad at times. An end to the pain and loneliness, the lies she told herself to keep from screaming stark raving mad into the night. "But they don't deserve that," Ritsuko clenched her eyes shut and willed away the death wish. Misato deserved to live, Maya deserved to live, Shinji deserved to live, and maybe even that bitch Asuka if only to get pregnant so Ritsuko could laugh at the smug child.
Forcing her aching body to respond, she got out of her chair and headed towards terminal dogma and the waiting third version of Rei. "If she can still be considered Ayanami Rei though," Ritsuko didn't know. Maybe, just maybe activating the body while the second Rei was alive…where did that soul come from? Those eyes, something was behind those eyes that didn't seem human to Ritsuko, more so than ever before. "And with these scores," Ritsuko tore the papers and put them in the incinerator.
Rei's score were higher than ever before, yet they moved, they changed based on observation. Almost as if the girl could chose how well she synchronized with the test chamber. Soon it would be time for her to officially test with Unit-00, how would Rei do with that one? "So Ayanami, I've reports that you've been quite the social butterfly lately," Ritsuko said to the nude floating girl…who was smiling at her. Smiling like the clones in the take did, that emotionless and vacant smile, she hated it.
"Looking for something, don't know what it is. Feels like I'm closer when I'm with them…but its not right," Rei was still as cryptic as ever. Reports of her talking with people she never would have before, it sent off red flags for the Ritsuko. Gendo didn't care though, not as long as Rei did whatever she was told, and she did. The perfect puppet, the perfect living doll. Did what he wanted, when he wanted, and was left to play on its own when not needed.
A flare of anger, seeing Shinji's downcast and depressed face flashed before Ritsuko's eyes and she noticed how she hated it. "Maybe be more tactful with your actions," was all she said. Shinji had to see Rei acting so different, not with him, proving his allegations she was gone forever right. His Rei was gone…and the abomination in her place was making his life hell. "And I'm not helping," and she should be, she wanted to. But what could she do? All she was sadly was an abused and dirty woman…hardly in the position to help any of the people she wanted to. Doing her tasks, Ritsuko felt numb the rest of the day. And sadly, Misato talked Shigeru to work her shift citing 'something came up'.
X-X
Walking down the shopping arcade with a boy two grades older than she was, Asuka tried her best to not show how bored she was. Hikari had set up this little date, an attempt to get Asuka's mind off of the Fukuyama incident. It wasn't helping, not at all. Oh he was tall and lean, good cheekbones, if she remembered right Koji was on the track team. Neither was he stupid or overly lecherous, but he was just so droll and tedious! All he talked about was overly trite things like television shows or his achievements. She didn't care, not one little bit about this boy's abilities. But it beat going home, home to where Shinji no doubt was brooding.
"So would you like to get something to eat? It'd be my treat," Koji leaned forward to look Asuka in the eyes. He had to lean extra to put his head on her level, being a good two or three inches taller than her. Going a little bold, he attempted to link his arm with hers, steer her by the elbow, she deftly used that arm to fix her hair. Take it as either a rebuff or accident, Asuka left it to the boy's imagination. Undeterred by the act, "I know a few good places that aren't too busy this time of day."
Never one to look down on a free meal, Asuka gave her best smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Well if you insist, I wouldn't turn a nice meal down," she was careful with her words. It never did good to be to open with such comments less she give the impression she was interested. She wasn't, this wasn't Kaji. Sadly the older boy was just a smidge better than those in her own class. Koji was lacking in the roguishness and handsome qualities of Ryouji. Passing by other mid-afternoon shoppers, a gaggle of fellow females eyed Koji almost hungrily and her angrily, Asuka almost laughed. "So how do you know Hikari?" she asked mildly interested in it.
Koji prattled on how it wasn't really Hikari he knew but the girl's older sister Kodama who was two years HIS senior. Asuka paid less attention now that she knew the truth. Hikari wasn't making plays on older boys. Confident her deluded friend was still hopelessly and pointlessly fawning over the pig Touji, Asuka just let Koji prattle on. This was just an exercise in avoiding reality. Two weeks since the last angel, two weeks of seeing Ayanami's sudden shift in attitude and actions. And sadly two weeks of watching said changed Ayanami carve deeper and deeper into Shinji's psyche. Oh that pissed Asuka off, real bad.
"I've been here before," Asuka quipped as Koji opened the door for her. It was another would be Kazuma that brought her here, but that had been ages ago and left the place on her mental banned list. Letting the tanned boy pull her seat out, Asuka paid his deflated ego no mind, she had written him off already. Likely a real catch, if she wanted normal and pedestrian like those other girls, she wanted more. Though she wasn't without compassion, "It is a good restaurant, you get points for knowing about it."
Oh how Koji's face burst with pride and good cheer, he hid his face behind his menu and bounced in his seat. Not wanting to ruin the small distraction she had going, Asuka went for less pricy dishes for her meal. Least she could do, Koji wasn't bad just not Kaji, it was the name's similarity that did get her to agree to this little date. Oh and to get Hikari off her back, she shouldn't have told that conventional girl about her accident. Can't put the genie back in the bottle, and Asuka hated seeing that hidden shame she saw on Hikari's face. Thankfully the Class Representative had her hands full with Rei's sudden zeal for insanity to spend to much on Asuka's lack of hymen.
"Maybe I should try having Hikari talk to him," Asuka mused after the waitress took their orders and walked off. Oh Asuka noticed the girl giving Koji the eye of interest, yet he had paid it no mind. Koji was smitten, a point taken away from his stock in Asuka's mind. That had promise though, Hikari and Shinji together. Keep Hikari away from that perverted spore, and get Shinji a girl with an actual spine! He was home alone…alone…just as she felt right now. Seeing Koji a little nervous, "Thinking of my roommate and Hikari. Both of them seem like they could be good together."
Nodding quickly, relief spreading from eyes to shoulders, Koji downed a good percent of his water. "You mean Ikari-kun right? I heard you live with him, have to admit I'm a bit jealous of him for getting to live with you," at least he was earnest. Another point in his favor, not that he'd ever surpass the high score that was Kaji.
Favoring herself a cream soda, she so rarely drank soda, Asuka sipped it through a straw and saw the fascination on Koji's face. Would he be like Kazuma or like Shinji if they slipped off somewhere? In one perfect moment of pure terror, Asuka nearly knocked her glass over. Did she just think of sleeping with Shinji? Her whole body seemed to have been struck by lightning and paralyzed. No, she couldn't think of Shinji like that! He was…he was…different. A friend, a comrade, it seemed wrong…but she had that memory of him tending to Rei so expertly, so enviously. "Yeah, Shinji, nothing to be jealous over," Asuka thought of Shinji home alone.
"If you say so," Koji was content to hear that, one less worry in the night. Conversation lulled into moments of silence and rushed questions from Koji about any number of topics. Nervous, oh so nervous around her the older boy just couldn't relax in her presence. Food eventually came, the knife and fork were clumsily used by the jock. Laughing through his embarrassment, "You're a lot better with these than I am," he held up the utensils.
What did she say to that? She knew knifes and forks better than those silly sticks. Without much to say, she opted for silence. Food was passable, a weak sauce for the pasta didn't suit her demands for food. All she could think of as she ate was the apartment and its sole occupant. Misato had work that evening, so Shinji would be alone. He had to be upset with her, that bitch Chidori and her toady Sakura weren't making things easier for him. Running from the issue, Asuka saw how Rei's amnesia and lack of subtly effected him. Oh Sakura was there, Asuka noticed, like a boil or tumor at his side. Was this any way to repay Shinji for all he did for her?
"No," Asuka said with savage brilliance and stood up abruptly. Her chair rumbled against the wood paneled floor, eyes from other diners on her, she didn't care if she had interrupted their meal. Koji, mouth full of noodle, tilted his head questioningly, oh yeah she wasn't alone right now. This had to be handled delicately and with poise and grace. "Forgot something I have to do," or just say fuck it, "I'll call you." It was an afterthought and a boldfaced lie, no calls would be given, no follow-up dates.
Calling out after her, Koji tried to get her attention, "Asuka-kun wait up! What about…" Whatever he said Asuka didn't hear it, the door shut and her care for the boy vanished as if he never existed. It was beneath her to run back to the apartment, but she did walk with a brisk pace that left those in her wake in awe of her unhurried stride, or so she liked to think. As she made her way back though, she found herself slowing, thinking. What would she do when she did get there? Just being around wasn't going to change anything. He'd not talk to her about it, Shinji was content to stew in his own juices, marinating in his depression until it was a fine broth.
"Of course I hit all the crosswalks perfectly today," Asuka almost laughed at her good fortune. When it rained it poured, and her halfhearted desire to slow her return home was all for naught. What could she say to him that he didn't already know or hear from Misato? Misato who smothered him when she was sober, or teased him when more often she wasn't. Opening the door, Misato was pleased she only found one set of shoes, if Sakura had followed him home again to 'help him study', Asuka would have had to kick her out. Calling out as she held to the tradition and took her shoes off, "Hey I'm home, so if you're perving out you better stop!" Not like she ever actually thought he'd be doing such.
The sounds of a cello filled the apartment, not the expected melancholy retort. No stop came to the cords, no indication Asuka had even been heard. While not perfect, the playing was good, good enough to have Asuka stop and listen. That all stopped when a foul note and a screech was followed with a hushed, "Damn it!" Shinji let out the rare swear, an open showing of anger that he kept for himself alone. A hard sniff, the prelude to something else, "Damn it all! It's not fair."
"Hello, I'm back," Asuka called out loudly as she went back to the door, a sense of shame welled up in her. It wasn't like her to feel that way, but somehow she felt she wronged Shinji, infringed on some private moment not meant for her. Opening and slamming the door, hiding her spying and hopefully sparing Shinji's mind, she gave him a few moments to collect himself. When she did walk into the living room, she wasn't stunned to see the cello against the wall and the remote in Shinji's hand. Sitting painfully ridged, Asuka passed him on her way to the kitchen with a passing glance. "Anything good on?" she waited for his muted reply.
As she grabbed a glass of water, she looked at it and set it back before taking a can of Misato's swill. It tasted foul, but it got the job done. "Y-you know same stuff as always," was the response of one that didn't really watch much television of his own volition. Hell Shinji almost never got to choose what they watched, Misato got first choice and Asuka fought him so much over it in the past he just gave up.
"Well if you don't care, put on channel forty-three," Asuka ordered as she plopped down in the chair next to the couch. Flinching her head at the typically hidden cello, "You going to play later, want me to go to my room or something?" She could be nice, especially when she felt guilty, she hated feeling guilty! Right now though, she couldn't look at him and not feel that way! He was hospitalized due in part to her actions, she left him to deal with the freak alone because she didn't know what she could do. Shinji's eyes were on the can in her hand disapproving, "What, it's normal in Germany for kids to drink. It's not hard liquor."
With one discrete sniff, Shinji just rolled his eyes and turned the station. "I was thinking about it, but not really in the mood right now," Shinji was content with his lie. Passing the remote over to Asuka, a ritual that arose from those past fights over the station, he just gave up. That's what he was doing a lot of, Asuka noticed since the last angel. The fight…the light was out of Shinji's being. Was being apart from Rei that painful for him? Or was it seeing her talking to other boys? How would she feel if Kaji was with somebody? Oh he liked to play with people, she saw him talking, but Asuka knew in her heart it was just that, playing.
"No Sakura today? I thought I saw her talking to you over lunch. With her sudden zeal for helping your grades, I'd have thought you two would be in your room…studying," Asuka sipped the nasty tasting brew and nearly blanched. It was just horrid, but she was mature and mature ladies drank. She was a woman now, best to act like it.
Shuffling about the couch, Shinji shifted away from Asuka as he pressed himself against the armrest. "She asked if I wanted to go over her place to study, but Nagato-kun called her away before we agreed to anything. Since we didn't make any real plans…" Shinji just died off, no unnecessary words needed. He wasn't sticking his neck out for Sakura, or anybody for that matter. Wait, that was wrong, he stuck it out for Asuka.
"You going to start dating her or not," Asuka asked with mild curiosity, she eyed him over her can. Maybe she should ask Hikari about going out on a date with him after all. Hikari was far better than Sakura in a mental way at least. Looks and wealth went to the mousy Sakura, but Shinji wasn't the superficial type. Staying with Rei for as long as he did, Shinji had to see past the surface of things. He shuffled more, uncomfortable with the conversation. Unwilling to let it stagnate though, "Its been two weeks since Ayanami's accident. You going to hold the torch forever? It's a matter of time till she starts…something with somebody. Sakura, hell a few girls I know, you could talk to them, if only to get out! Staying in all the time isn't healthy."
Getting off the couch, Shinji was making a hasty retreat rather than address the topic, Asuka followed. Standing just one step inside his room, Shinji's Lovely Suite, he hoped it'd offer him protection, "I don't want to talk about this, Asuka. N-not today alright? It's only been two weeks. And…and…" He didn't know what to say so he kept silent. Both of them had odd incidents with Ayanami. Asuka had the girl walk up to her, sniff her like a dog and simple say, 'you feel cold…don't know if I like you.' Asuka could only imagine what the freak said to him.
"Shinji, look at me!" Asuka ordered as she followed him into his sacred ground. When he didn't move or respond she forced him too. Shouldn't have she realized afterward as the utter dejection on his face was crushing. It was killing him to see Rei so different, to not remember him. With him face to face with her though she had to do something. "Don't let that bitch Nagato's actions ruin things. I might think Sakura is a wet-rat, but she's not all bad. Why not see how things go with her. Might go better than you think. It'd get your mind off wonder-girl if nothing…else," he was like glass, so fragile.
Laughing a little, Shinji just sat on his bed and didn't even respond when Asuka sat down next to him. "Akagi-san said something similar to me. She said it as a joke though, well I think she did," Shinji watched the shadows on the floor dance and twirl thanks to the open window playing with the curtains.
"It beats hiding in here doesn't it? And if she doesn't work out, you'll find somebody that does. You're better than you give yourself credit, better than I initially thought," Asuka just leaned against her friend. He was better than she initially thought, if he put up with her in her bad times he had to be. A good friend, maybe even her best friend, Asuka felt she owed him so much. They just sat there in silence for a while, the droning television in the other room filled the gap. At her bladders insistence she got up, "Don't write her off because her friend is an underhanded scank. And…even if Ayanami doesn't remember you…know she was happy with you when she did."
Calling out to Asuka as she reached the door, Shinji stopped her escape, "Thanks Asuka…I'll think about it. Still hurts right now, more so to see her with others and to see her look so blankly at me. But I know she did…maybe we can have a double date or something if you ever…" Shinji just shrugged and went back to looking at his hands.
Suddenly very uncomfortable and warm, Asuka left Shinji like that and went to tend to her biological needs. Giving the brief consideration of going back to his room after, she coward out and watched television instead. The night passed blandly, that was until the doorbell chimed well into the night. Shinji got to it first, Kaji was there with a drunk Misato who the rogue handed off to Misato's keeper. Asuka clung to the man, begging him to stay the night…but she smelled something on him, more precisely on his neck. Lavender Perfume, Misato's lavender perfume. Kaji left, and with him Asuka's heart went with him.
That night she found herself crawling onto Shinji's bed, he under the blanket and she on top of it. When he looked at her with panic and confusion all she said was, "Kaji smelled like Misato." It was all she could say, it was all she needed to say as Shinji held open the blanket and she crawled under it. She needed the comfort of a friend, and he was all she could go to.
X-X
Masking his glance at the clock with a yawn, Shinji had to remind himself that his friends were only being kind. Sitting on the floor of Touji's living room, Shinji was ready to go home but wouldn't leave before the set time of four, it would be rude. Stifling politeness though, the near constant reassurance that things would get better, he was tired of it. Did everybody he knew beyond just their last name have to remind him that 'things will get better?' Those ignorant fools could preach that lie all they wanted, he knew the truth though. Only time and the growing sense of numbness would ease him.
"And if you pause…here! You can totally make out Aino-san's tit!" Touji pointed out the perceived mammary. It could have been shadow, a fake, or maybe just maybe the movie star's breast, it was to hard to tell really. But Touji was all enthusiastic and expected Kensuke and Shinji to share in his adulation of the female form. Flipping the raunchy comedy back on, Touji kicked his foot up on the coffee table with a content sigh. A belch worked its way out of him, "Now she has a great pair on her. A shame the press confirmed she's a carpet muncher."
Perfectly tactless as ever, the more sensitive males just exchanged a tired rolling of the eyes. Touji would be Touji, and maybe in time and experience would force maturity on his rebelling mind. "Not like it really matters what she does. We'll never meet here, let her be happy," Kensuke rocked in his seat. Oddly silent, and without computer, Kensuke had been a specter since the last angel, and the events that led up to its attack. Changed somehow, hiding small smiles, gazing off into the distance for long periods of time, and just not being his natural self.
"Kensuke has a point. Why let something that doesn't matter bother you so much. Movie stars aren't real people…we'll never see them or interact with them. Best to let things just be," Shinji meant that in all capacities. Let people come and go, they'd only take from you in the end. Never open your heart to others, the world took joy in finding that and smashing such efforts to tiny shards. Now Shinji had his pain rubbed in his face whenever he saw that imitation…that doppelganger of the girl he had loved. It wasn't her, it couldn't be the Rei he knew! As the credits of the movie started to run, "So what are you guys up to next?" Misato had been adamant he be home early today for some reason, he had no reason to refute her.
Idly picking his nose with his pinky, Touji just shrugged, "I don't know. You want to hit the arcade Ken?" Both boy's took pained efforts to ignore talking about girls and the like in Shinji's presence. Touji had railed on Kensuke about Chidori's underhanded tactics already, Shinji had seen it. Neither boy would mention the always doting and ever encroaching Sakura, and Rei was out right black-listed as a topic of conversation. "Could go out for some food since Shin-man has to go. But never a good thing to upset Misato-sama, even he knows that," that eerie quality was back, just a smidge to earnest.
"I-I can't, I have a date," Kensuke let gushed out. Twiddling his fingers madly, Kensuke turned anxiously to both his friends, awaiting laughter or cheers with equal measure of trepidation. The stone wall of silence was all he got, Touji's jaw hung wide. Shinji though, Shinji just frowned softly. It had been as he expected, just as he had been when Rei and he first started. Since nobody asked and he wanted them to know, Kensuke offered more, "C-Chidori and I are going out. We have been since…you know." Both non-pilots instantly sought Shinji on the couch. That which should not be talked about openly.
Was it a trick again, Shinji didn't know, but instantly thought poorly of Kensuke's revelation. "Be careful," was all he'd say. Chidori was permanently in Shinji's dangerous book, somebody willing to do anything for what she wanted, even bad things. If she hadn't dosed him, he'd not have one what he did to Sakura and garner that lovesickness in the girl that sickened him. And maybe…just maybe Rei and he could have escaped the city. Maybe the angel would have been victorious, maybe it wouldn't. But forever Shinji would wonder, just what would have happened if hadn't been sick enough to make Rei worry. Standing up, time be damned, "Just be careful. I'm…I'm going to head home early." Only by thirty minutes, but it was a change.
"The SHIT you say!" Touji was off the couch in a flash and yanked Kensuke off of his chair. Silence descended like a shroud, the ticking clock and the soft music from the credits rose loudly, filling the space of words. Holding the smaller boy by the collar, lifting him just a little off the ground, "That scank!? You're 'dating' her? Just like how many other guys? How can you do that Ken? Don't you remember what she did? What she does to guys? Can you BE that stupid?" Touji shook the boy like a ragdoll.
Shoving Touji off of him, showing strength unexpected from the smaller boy, Kensuke knocked his assaulter back to the couch. "You don't know her like I do! Don't act like you do. What she did was an accident, we all know that, just an accident. You've hated her because she acts like you do! Always telling me what to do, acting like you have my best interest in mind but really just wanting me to do things for you!" Kensuke hollered as he advanced. With Touji laying prone on the couch, his back peddling from the toss ended with his knees striking the couch and him falling, all he could do was listen.
This wasn't for him to see or know, so Shinji let himself out as Touji and Kensuke started shouting louder. Coward, maybe, not care definitely. Shoes on and out the door, Shinji thought he heard something breaking in the other room, they'd take care of it. Not his problem, not his fight. Kensuke would learn whether Nagato could be trusted, or he'd be cast aside in time. Let what happened happen. He was to numb to care right now, everything was just grey and pointless. Another loud smash, this time something glass was the punctuation mark on his departure. "Touji's jealous," Shinji laughed humorlessly.
It was easy to see, Shinji found, to see how some of his friends acted after he became detached. Finally alone, a few blessed moments without the smothering concern of false fronts and fair-weather friends, he let the fake smile he wore vanish. If he had known he'd feel this way after things with Rei fell apart, Shinji would considered not having started. How long would he feel so lost and helpless, the pain that emanated in his heart and controlled his emotions with their frigid grip? And each day Tachibana pushed just that little bit closer against his wishes. Lashing out at her would only get more fake sympathy.
"Asuka understands how I feel now I think," Shinji felt an added heap of depression strike him. He wasn't the only one with this problem, with this pain. Asuka's act three days ago had been telling, and was the changing point in things at the apartment. It only happened that one night, when her pain was the greatest and freshest, Shinji didn't fault her. Hell if he had the option rather than be in the hospital he'd have done what she had…well if he didn't fear she'd slap him. Misato would have, he suspected, turned off the teasing and let him do the same as well. "Or maybe I'm wrong. If she is with Kaji-san maybe she'd…" the atmosphere in the apartment came back to mind.
Oh Misato was happier than normal, masking it when people were around, but that came at the cost of Asuka's joy. Almost as if it was being siphoned out of one and poured into the other. And when Misato was happy she let the world know it, forced it down others' throats as if to drown them with it. Mix her happiness and her concern for Shinji over the Rei issue and it was a noxious miasma. He let her though, Shinji would never tell Misato no, even if it hurt more than helped. Oh how Asuka eyed them with venom and covetous hate, not at him though. No Misato was the sole owner of Asuka's ire while at the apartment. Angrier and angrier, Asuka lashed out more and more at the major.
"Why does this always take less time when I don't want to be here?" he asked himself as Shinji found the apartment before him well sooner than wanted. Climbing up the stairs, he stalled outside of Rei's door. Not living there again, not yet anyway, Rei was on base for observation. But what happened when she moved back? A girl that looked identical in body only to the woman he had loved. HAD. Shinji made peace with that, as much peace as could be anyway. His Rei was gone, and no hoping would bring her back. Hope, ha, it was stupid to ever hope, it only came back to bite him. Trying the handle, it was locked, Shinji was tempted to pull out his key and just bask in the sweet memories.
No, that was a foolish thing to do, the past was gone and to be owned by the past was a fools venture. Taking the key out of his wallet, he just looked at it and nodded. "I'll give this to Asuka," yes that was best. Maybe Asuka would move into Rei's place, or just use the key to get access to her glut of clothing. Heading to his actual apartment, he found not one but two pairs of extra shoes. Guests, great, hopefully it wasn't for his account. He recognized Ritsuko's shoes, but the other pair of female shoes were a mystery. "I'm home, Misato-san we have company?" he called out.
"She's in her room. Akagi and that boyish tool of hers are here," Asuka quickly joined Shinji at the door. She had been doing that, meeting him and spending time with him about the apartment. At first it was due to her bitterness over helping Chidori, Shinji had gleamed. Now it was a comrades in arms, men and women that lost those they cherished most. Leaning over, a flash of creamy skin appeared from down the top of her shirt, "Why you have that out?" She pointed at the key still in Shinji's hand, Rei's face emboldened on it.
Handing it over, for a moment he feared he'd be unable to let go of it but when Asuka touched it he all but dropped it. "Thought you might want easier access to it. An escape from Misato-san, or just to get your stuff," Shinji would never tell Asuka what to do. Offering suggestions though, that was a way to get Asuka to at least consider things. Telling her worked the opposite, making her never likely to do it, but hinting was different. Looking over her shoulder, deeper into the apartment, Shinji could hear Maya and Ritsuko talking softly, "Why are they here?" Both Asuka and Shinji had an unspoken vow, to not let the other be besieged by 'well-wishers' that couldn't be trusted.
"Don't know," Asuka held the card in her hand as if it were a holy ward, "she invited them over and is in her room while I had to play hostess." Asuka swapped places with Shinji and actually gave him a quick nod. So she was going to take up the role as steward of the apartment, at least for now. Gliding out of the door, just as elegant as ever, "They've started into the booze already and I'm not in the mood to have Ibuki give me the stink eye. Good lucky."
The door shut without his reply, not that Shinji needed to say much to her. He understood Asuka's actions perfectly. Nobody wanted to be reminded of what they lost, and for Asuka the pain was fresh. In time, oh he loathed that expression, she'd be dulled to it. Dulled, not immune, it would never go away fully just buried. Making for Misato's room, he tried his hand at stealth in passing the two older women on his way. His hand ready to knock on the door it stalled when he heard a hushed yet argent conversation.
"Yes both of them are here…drinking my special…two maybe three hours? I'll be on my way in a minute…Shinji-kun is due back soon. When he gets here I'll…" Misato paused as she listened to her conspirator.
Sneaking back to the living room, Shinji felt shame and a small dollop of bitterness spring up. Kaji, she had to be talking to Kaji and was planning on leaving to go see him. Poor Asuka, at least she didn't have to see Misato try her best disappearing act. Only a small portion, quickly squashed as if it never existed, Shinji felt himself being replaced as well. Time and time again Shinji heard the drunken assurance she was done with dating because she had 'her little butler.' Well that was a lie wasn't it, even Misato wasn't immune to lying to him. But if it made her happy Shinji was all for it, he did wish for her happiness. So he'd play along, "I'm home, anybody ready for supper?" Placate with food, Shinji knew how to smooth things over and mask them.
"Oh, Ikari-kun! You're back early," Maya was on the couch very close to the young Akagi. A glass of wine in her hand, a rosy complexion crested her cheeks, she was clearly not on her first glass. Sipping the red fluid, she beckoned to him to join them, "How have you been, heard it's been hard on you since the accident."
Taking the glass from Maya's hand, Ritsuko was deftly more in control of her faculties. "Maybe not swing this around like a cudgel, Maya. Wouldn't want to make a mess would you?" she admonished her pupil. Maya sulked like a scolded child, Ritsuko paid it no mind. Patting the couch, Ritsuko slid over to give only the cushion between the two of them purchase. Calmly and soothing, "Sit, Shinji-kun, relax while we wait her glorious highness joins us commoners. She ordered supper."
"Oh, I guess that is easier for me," Shinji suddenly was very aware of the closeness of the women. His egress was removed, stripped from him leaving him bare and vulnerable between the two women. Ritsuko was somebody Shinji had acquired a taste for, a beautiful and oft overlooked woman. A real shame how she wasn't honored as she should have, he was glad she wasn't involved with the man that hurt her. Shame about the child though, he'd keep that secret even if others let it slip. "H-how are you doing Ibuki-san?" Shinji didn't know Maya nearly as much. She was so chipper and joyous, a stark difference than the normal Nerv employee.
In a sudden bolt of motion, Misato walked out of her room with jacket on and hat on head. "Something's come up, I'll be back in a few minutes. Money is on the table, call if you need," so hurried she left no space for interjection or question. A maelstrom of action and words, she had appeared and vanished just as quickly.
"Well…I heard the rumors about Katsuragi-san, but I never knew they were that true!" Maya snorted and drank more. Shinji and Ritsuko just accepted it as what it was, a ruse. Let Maya believe what she did, but when she listed closer to Shinji yet eyes were only on Ritsuko, things got a little awkward. The television prattled on as they made idle small talk, mostly Maya talking about her pet ferret, she slid a hand along the back of the couch, the trap was set and Shinji was right in it. "S-sho Shinji-kun, I heard a few rumors bout you…ish it true you got a little monster down there…god its been sho long since I had…well I've never had a real orgasm from sex! Ritsuko-shan…h-how bout you…?" the air was pregnant with the oddity of the drunken question.
Thanking the gods that for a change didn't curse him, Shinji heard the doorbell and scrambled off to get it. What the hell was that all about? People were talking about him? They knew about Rei and his time together? How? Who could have told? And why was Maya asking?! Paying the man, again a teenage boy sad Misato wasn't the one answering, Shinji found Maya had taken his seat and was right up on Ritsuko talking softly. "D-does Ibuki-san…" Shinji could only speculate. Did Maya like Ritsuko? If so why did she ask about…stop it! Didn't matter, don't take the bait…just let it go. Bring the food to the table, Ritsuko latched onto him and the food as a lifeline away from the inebriated Maya and her drunken advances. Advances that didn't stop with just Ritsuko but did hint at more than just a passing interest in Shinji. Both Shinji and Ritsuko chose to ignore and wait until Maya fell asleep on the couch. Yes, best not to think about it.
X-X
An alibi and a quick stop in her tiny office were in order before she saw to her task. Back in her apartment Ritsuko and Maya were part of her cover, a very angry German was likely making life horrible for them. And for the lone male…well this little mission was equally for his sake as for her own. At least that's how Misato justified her actions as she walked the halls of Nerv. Something was wrong here, something she had to get to the bottom of, and she had somebody she could use to that end.
"Katsuragi-san? I thought you had the evening off, what brings you back in?" Makoto asked as he rubbed at his sleepy eyes. He had been half dozing at his console, not unexpected with how droll things get without angels around. Going about the actions of his job, it hadn't changed since his lapse of consciousness.
Waving at a few of the other second-shift personnel, Misato made a beeline to the man she hoped would act her cover. "Oh, I just forgot a few reports in my office that are due tomorrow," already finished not that anybody but she knew that. For a moment Misato paused as she took in the sight, Makoto wasn't paying her any real attention. Oh how far she'd fallen, ages ago it seemed she was so irritated at Makoto's attention. Fearing he wanted just a promotion, a quick screw, or maybe an actual relationship. Now he was a dutiful boyfriend to a quite fetching young woman. And Misato was a cast off, an after thought, no…not even a thought as she had prevented it.
"Want to drop it off here? I've nothing to do right now, could do it for you," Makoto offered freely. No ulterior motive, no secret offer, just a nice guy being nice. Grabbing a manga off the stack, he used it to mask his yawn before he gave his superior officer the attention she demanded. Fixing his glasses, "Oh, before I forget, Aoi-chan wanted me to extend the offer to go out again if you want. I don't drink much and I think she thinks of you as a rival in that regard."
Hoping, shamefully, to get a small rise out of the man anything to remind her that she was still attractive, Misato leaned up against his console hiking up her slacks showing some leg. Nothing, not one raised eyebrow or even sneaky peak. "I'll take care of it myself, can't put all my work off on you guys," was that depression in her voice? For so long she pushed away others, not wanting to deal with the emotional weight of a relationship, and now when one of her followers left she felt…alone. But that wasn't why she was here, suck up that bitter pill she set up for herself, she had an important mission. Grabbing Makoto's manga she flipped through it, "Shouldn't take more than an hour or so anyway. As for your dear Aoi, tell her I'll drink her under the table anytime she wants."
Laughing a little, Makoto left the book in her hands and actually went about his job, "I'll tell her. She doesn't get out much. Good luck on the reports." His hands stopped for a moment, an odd fearfulness sank into him. Scooting his chair in closer to his monitor, he paused and insured nobody was paying attention to him. "Oh and if you get the chance…tell Ikari-kun to feel better. I don't know the full of it, but whatever happened to the First Child. I know they were dating or something, but that accident," he trailed off, nobody talked much about Rei.
"I'm sure he'd appreciate that," Misato nodded solemnly and left the command bridge with her cover story prepared. Nobody talked about Rei, well not like she was a hot topic of conversation before. But now was even less so. She was a curse or horrible secret that the staff of Nerv only spoke of in hushed whispers or behind closed doors. One of children they used to fight had finally gotten hurt beyond the normal manner. "How jaded we've gotten," Misato felt that sickness grow in her. Shinji had nearly died how many times now? Nobody thanked him, nobody talked to him, but Rei's mind breaks and she starts acting more normal and suddenly it snaps people out of their carefully designed fugues.
While she couldn't say it out loud, or to anybody that might get back to her ward, Misato agreed with him. That blue haired girl wasn't the same Ayanami Rei that one time used up all her hot water. Creeping into her office, she went to her desk and opened the center drawer. "She's different, far to different," Misato reached for her hidden side-arm. Didn't Rei tell her point-blank that she was going to die and be replaced? It was to convenient, to simple to say 'oh she just lost her memories'. Checking the magazine, full and ready to bear, Misato slid it into her under-arm holster and checked the time.
"Ten minutes until our meeting," Misato was cold, couldn't get the unease out of her legs that made them sluggish and prickly. A girl in love, a girl that lived in a horrible sty of an apartment until Shinji and she freed her from it, was gone. What terrible crime did she commit other than being correct? Bypassing more heavily used corridors of the base, she made her way towards destiny. "Would I have acted any different?" Misato asked herself as she found the unused office and stole inside.
She couldn't answer her own question. What did she know of Rei outside of what Shinji told her and she had seen? A military raised girl that was social anorexic, naïve to most common things, and forced into a life of abstract poverty. Then she gets a boyfriend, hell not just that but a new life! Food, fun, pleasure, and a doting lover would make anybody in Rei's position get possessive. "I'd fight for that, I'd die for that," Misato said solemnly. Thinking of Rei, Misato couldn't keep the shaking out of her hands, had Rei actually died for Shinji's safety? Could she do the same for the man she considered her family?
"This is kinky even for you Katsuragi. Calling me here to an unused office. You know you could have just came over to my apartment," Kaji broke Misato from her mental fugue. Striding confidently into unlit room, Kaji used his thumb to rock his tie slack. Closing the distance between Misato and him quickly, his hand went to her waist, "After last night I was worried it was just the alcohol talking. You serious about this?"
Ah yes, her little ploy last night and her little breakdown. Just seeing how happy Aoi and Makoto were together, it lanced her with bitterness. How dare that man move on, remove all those feelings he lauded on her for all these months! Was she not good enough anymore, was she not desirable! The party girl that was always fun to play with but you never made serious plans with…somebody just to be forgotten and a fixture of stupid stories. So she drank a bit more to dull that pain, the irritation she claimed she didn't have when she was sober. Kaji had opted to help her home, she couldn't walk, so she rode on his back. It was part of her plan, Kaji knew things and Misato wanted to know those things. Using that vulnerability, she planned to get Kaji's help.
"I am serious, Kaji," Misato pushed the barrel of her side-arm into his stomach with just the right force. Even in the dim light from the hall, Misato could clearly see the shock on Ryouji's face. Not surprising he was expecting something more akin to their college days not a life threatening situation. Her drive to know, to not just be a cog in the machine, kept Misato from giving into to his whims, she wasn't adverse to it. One hand on his shoulder, she twirled him around and gave him a shove. "Terminal Dogma, you know how to get down there and I have Ritsuko's badge. Show me what is down there," to many secrets kept her up at night. Rei said she was going to die for not leaving, and Ritsuko said the same. If Rei wasn't safe, what about her friend?
Holding his hands up, yet keeping his roguish smile, Kaji played along. Either he didn't think she'd actually shoot, or he was at peace. "You sure you want to do that Katsuragi? My offer to go to my apartment is still open, we'd both enjoy that more than going down there," his offer was responded with another push. Taking the hint he walked without hesitation in a meandering and winding path to an elevator. Pushing the down button he made a flourish and bowed letting Misato in first. Getting in behind her, "What is bringing this about Katsuragi, you're not the danger seeking type. Not since you took Ikari-kun in."
"I'm sure, and this has nothing to do with him," Misato felt the urge to defend herself. A slam against her feelings for Shinji or was Kaji just being coy? Watching as Kaji pushed several buttons that normally aren't pushed, she knew he had more information than he let on. Kaji always was one to go where he wasn't wanted, or invited. Not taking her gun off of him, both knew it wouldn't be the best option inside an elevator. "Things are going on around here that don't add up, and I want to know. Now I want you to show me what you know," she said through gritted teeth.
With his characteristic smirk, Kaji put his hands into his pockets and let out a whistle. When the door opened he just walked off nonchalantly, "Keep up Katsuragi, this place is a bit of a maze of locked doors. I've only gotten into one, but with Rits-chan's card maybe we could get into others." Nothing phased him, not the gun, not the threats, nothing. Kaji was, as Misato always knew him to be, detached from everything that Misato cared about. It was why she left him, why they left each other. Only Kaji's work mattered to him, everything else was transitory, just like her father.
"Just lead the way and we'll try what we have time for. I've only planned for a window of about an hour. Ritsuko's back at my apartment…they think I went to your apartment. Wouldn't do good to make my man worry about me cheating on him. After Rei's accident I took her place," Misato lied just hoping to get a response. Anger, betrayal, shock, or any type of negative emotion she hoped for anything!
Laughing a little, Kaji headed down a long dark hallway that was only illuminated with emergency lighting. "I knew there was something about Shinji-kun that I liked. Didn't know it was you though. And here I was thinking it was Ritsuko that was going to be the one that offered herself up to him. Those two are a lot alike. Though Shinji making her have an abortion is a bit much," Kaji never took the bait.
"A-abortoon!? What the hell, Gendo knocked her up?" Misato blanched. While the news her friend had broken one of the more cardinal laws brought about by Second Impact, the fact Kaji knew about it was even more stunning. Abusive, controlling, and threatening…just what type of man was the commander? Shoving the barrel back into Kaji's side, "That's for another time, after I talk to her. She's…had a hard time." Were Shinji and Ritsuko that similar? Passing thoughts was almost laughably wrong. Ritsuko was an aloof genius that one time in college stuck her tongue up…not now, not here. "Where are we going, Kaji?" Misato had to much going on to worry about what oddities were going on at her apartment.
Opening a small door at the end of the corridor, it opened into a much larger room more a cavern than a room. "Hand me her cardkey and I'll show you what is behind Heaven's Door," Kaji asked courteously. Leading the way to the massive door, Kaji didn't react at to it. Going up to the smaller door next to the gargantuan one, Kaji slide the card through the reader. "Ah, I thought that was more likely than Shinji-kun," for a change Kaji did look sadder, "Kid did seem to get along well with Ayanami. A shame." So he wasn't immune to emotions after all.
"It is, that's why we're here," Misato was quick to get into that room. Answers, finally something that might explain what was going on. What did she expect though, in this room fall beneath the surface of the world hidden away from everything. Whatever she was thinking though, it wasn't what she got when she stepped into that horrid room. The gun fell from her hand, clattered to the floor and was effortlessly scooped up by Kaji. Misato didn't notice or care. "What is that," she gasped, hand covering her mouth to keep any vacating supper inside.
Handing the weapon back to Misato without care, Kaji just shrugged and pulled out a smoke. "That is why the angels are attacking us, at least I think. Say hello to the LCL factory," Kaji light up and let out a plume of rich smelling smoke. The creature crucified on the giant red cross didn't move or react to their presence. "That lance is new through, when I was here it had legs. Who could have done that? Asuka and Shinji would have said something I bet," at mentioning the German Kaji's eyes winced just a little.
"Ayanami…" Misato mouthed nearly silently. Oh she noticed Kaji's sentimentality about the German girl, she just couldn't think about that right now. That odd girl, that foreign creature in the guise of the strange yet diligent girl Misato had damned. Rising up her side-arm, she aimed at the creature that wept LCL, before she could pull the trigger, Kaji put his hand on hers and forced it down with a small shake of his head. "What is that doing here Kaji? Is that really where the LCL is coming from? How…what could that be doing to the children," they both heard her really say Shinji. Misato did have some favoritism, not that Asuka made it hard to do.
Leading Misato out of the room, "They might hear if you went and did that. And I doubt it'd do anything to that thing. I don't know why it is here, or how long it's been here. But now you know, should we check a few more rooms?" He was leading her to the elevator, making the right assumption. Misato's mind was overwhelmed already, anymore and it'd be to much. The human mind can only take so much abuse before it shut down, blocked out everything. Back in the elevator though, arms around Misato's shoulders, "Where you want to go now, Misato, where?"
"Your place, take me out of here," Misato couldn't face the pilots right now. She needed some relief, something other than that nightmare hanging there. Pale…pale and white and abnormal. Rei? Why did she think of Rei when she looked at that thing? A headache worked its way deep and agonizingly into her mind. Much of what she thought was lost in her momentary lapse of full sanity. In the morning, she woke to a note from Kaji saying he had to leave early. She cleaned him out of her, dressed, and found Ritsuko sleeping in her room, Maya in Shinji's, and Shinji on the couch. She woke him with a hug, he was startled and confused, but it didn't matter. She held him as she needed to, not that he wanted. Right now he was safe, he was ignorant, and she'd keep him away from that parody.
X-X
Checking his watch and stretching out his knee, Touji knew it was time to go. "I'll see if I can't get Shinji to come with me next time I visit, would you like that?" he asked the bedridden girl. It wasn't fair that Mari was like this, that nobody visited her as oft as he did. What was a twelve year old to do in a hospital all day for months! Books were inhaled, television was installed yet hardly used, and school work actually looked forward to! A travesty if Touji ever heard it, nobody should ever look forward to boring lecture notes and reviews.
"If you don't think it'd be too much to ask of him. I'd hate to be too much of a bother," Mari gripped at her sheets tightly. Her long black hair pooled around her waist, nobody cut it at the hospital so it was allowed to grow wild. Arms and chest moved about with an animation that decried her statement, it was the still and unmoving legs that got Touji's attention. No progress in her recovery, hell he doubted they were trying much! A general hospital couldn't do a thing for her, yet they needed to keep her here for observation.
Standing up, he did his best to not stare at her paralyzed legs and failed. She noticed but masked her depression with well-practiced ease, "I'll ask him. With his current situation…he'll have more time I bet," Touji didn't go into details. Telling his younger sister that Shinji lost his overwhelming girlfriend wouldn't do Mari any good. Girl might even make a play the next time Shinji came if she knew, that wouldn't bold well. Touji didn't want to think about either of his friends romantic lives. The fight yesterday with Kensuke over that bitch was still making him riled. "Anything you want me to bring next time, other than people?" he had to ask, had to try.
"Could you get me another book to read? They last longer than manga, anything from Urashima Motoko would be great," she would ask for romance books. Drawing her sheet up to just over her nose, her brown eyes peeking out like bandits eyes, she couldn't let her brother see her embracement.
His wallet was already a little light from a trip to the arcade, but Touji couldn't refuse Mari. With a fake grumble and imitated anger, "You would ask for something like that. I'll see what I can do. T-take care alright?" Damn hitch was in his voice again, always got it when it was time to leave. He just couldn't get the picture of her sitting in this damned room alone for hours on end. Only people seeing her were doctors and nurses that didn't give two shits about her. Why couldn't dad come, or grandpa? Why was he cursed to see her waste away in here, or maybe that was why they didn't come.
Lowering the sheet like a veil, the younger woman's natural beauty was starting to show. Still in the turbulent period before puberty actually started and the end of childhood, Mari had ever indication of being on the upper cusp of attractive. Not a bombshell or great dame, but no spinster either. "I will, and you make sure to keep up with your studies. Dad'll get made if you start failing again," she called out to him as he left. They shared another moment of Touji's regret and her mounting depression as he stood at the door. Eyes going red, tears just about to break, the girl didn't want to be alone yet wouldn't condemn her brother to wasting more time. With a soft click the door was shut and she wept behind it.
"I hate this," Touji punched the door to the stairwell after he depressed the handle. It popped open with a loud bang, sound reverberating in the vertical shaft. Doctor had told him again that they didn't have the time or the equipment to tend to the type of fracture Mari had. There were worse injuries she could have had, and if given the right type of treatment she'd recover, just they didn't have the money for it. "Why can't shit like that be free? Or those fuckers at Nerv pay for it! They caused it!" he went back to that. It wasn't really Shinji's fault, but he had to blame somebody for Mari's pain!
Fate wasn't something one could blame though, it just was and did what it did. Mari was its victim this time, somebody else the next, and everybody wondered who would be the one behind the mystic eight-ball again.
Passing elderly men and women, Touji prayed he never got old like them. Best to burn out brightly and young than let the candle sputter and cling when the wax was small and couldn't hold shape. Getting outside, into the 'fresh' air of the city did always help bring a little life back into him. Hospitals just sucked the life and joy out of him, correlations to his life he supposed. Mari fell back into his subconscious, the cancer that ate him alive when not beleaguered by other teenage necessities, as he walked towards the bookstore.
"Better get it now or I'll forget later," he had done so in the past and it just crushed Mari. Though buying smutty romance novels that border lined obscene…well make Touji almost willing to read them. Any guy whose wife wrote stuff like that, well that man had to be living the good life. Seeing the woman in the book jacket of the last one he bought for Mari, Touji burned for a girlfriend all the more. Something to take his mind off of things, off of his troubles, or just to have fun with! Kensuke and Shinji were great to hang out with, but he had needs too! Misato's undergarments could only do so much for him, the smell had gone out ages ago.
The late afternoon shoppers were meandering about the store when Touji got to the loan book shop he used. Trying to not bump into any of them, he did notice a few girls looking over magazines, so he sucked in his gut and pumped out his chest. Hey, a man had to try to get attention where he could. Walking past them, they didn't look up, didn't stop talking about whatever they considered important, and he deflated. Stupid bitches, what did he have to do to get some attention?
Shinji and Ayanami, those two were something Touji could accept easily. Both were social awkward and pilots, Ayanami interacted with Shinji more than other boys so it wasn't hard to fathom. But this Tachibana thing? Shinji was a great guy and all, but he was so much smaller! Didn't girls go for the big guys? The jocks? How did Tachibana in all her beauty and wealth want to settle for somebody like Shinji? Kensuke and Chidori, well Touji knew that was just a lie! Chidori had to be using Kensuke somehow. Maybe have Kensuke talk to Shinji and keep her and her rich pet out of jail. "Maybe I'm over thinking this…Shin-man is a good guy and Ken is too," maybe he just didn't understand women at all.
Going over the titles of the romance novels, Touji just felt creepy being near them, sure people were looking at him and judging him. How could he get some girl's attention if she saw him buying such things? Gross, freak, pervert, or something worse is what they'd call him. Grabbing the latest in the Aoyama series, he started to make a hasty retreat to the cashier's station when he collided with somebody leaving the adult section. Books were dropped, his vision clouded with pain and dizziness, Touji feel down atop the jerk that had the audacity to exist. "Hey, why don't you want where you're going!" he rubbed his nose.
Crawling out from under the boy, the perpetrator extended a helping hand to pull him up. "Hey, this is…not right but at least a little closer," an oddly energetic voice called out.
Blinking his vision back to some semblance of normal, Touji didn't believe what he was seeing when it did clear. "Ayanami, what are you doing…" he didn't continue, she was still holding his hand. Smiling, he had never seen Ayanami smile before, it was cute! Everything about Rei since the last angel had been off, Touji just never paid her that much attention. Shinji had been obviously upset at her forgetting about him, and her rampant change in personality. But Touji had seen shit like that on television before, it happened. Right?
"I wanted a few more of these. Guess I have a small collection back at the base," Rei held up a few choice books from the adult section. Moving in close, less than two feet from Touji, the girl stared hard at him, trying to see into his soul. Those eyes, they were wheels within wheels of moving red, hypnotic and enchanting at the same time. Plucking Mari's novel from his hands, she actually tittered, "Not what I'd expect a guy like you to read. Still, you feel…almost like…"
Yanking his book back, shielding it from her less she mock him again, Touji didn't make an attempt to move away from her. What was all this 'feel' talk she was gabbing on about though. "You remember me, Ayanami? You starting to get your memories back, you remember Shin-man?" he had to hope his buddy got his girl back. Ayanami was odd before, took to much of Shinji's time, but the girl made him happy. Rei wasn't the backhanded and cheating type like Sakura was he guessed.
Rapping the spine of her books against her head, Rei stuck her tongue out with a wink. Things only done in books and television, she played it off as normal. "Nope, not a thing. Don't know anything," yet it didn't sound like she was telling the truth. Touji might not be the best judge of character, but even he was suspect. Bouncing on her feet, her chest moved in ways that caught Touji's eye, "All a big blur. But everything is. Been so long, far to long…say you doing anything right now?"
Was she, was she coming on to him? Touji couldn't believe it! A girl never talked to him like that before, but this was Ayanami! Shinji's girl, even if he was begrudgingly hitting it off more with Tachibana. Say whatever Shinji wanted, studying and going out on dates with the girl had to mean he was moving on. People broke up all the time, Asahina and Yukitaru broke up during lunch today! Following Rei to the cashier, a woman with odd piercings, "I've nothing going on. J-just left from visiting my sister. Y-you?"
"Learning, watching, wanting," Rei rattled off after she paid for her books. Others gave the girl space, yet they all watched her. A small flame in a dark room, something about her just demanded attention. She wasn't going out of her way to stand out, or to call attention, it just happened. "Come with me, try some of these things out. You're not what I'm looking for, but close enough right now," Rei leaned against the doorframe of the shop.
Flames ignited in his chest and a rubbery sensation went over his legs. "But what about…" he followed her out of the store, book in hand. Shinji and Rei had broken up right…that's why they were helping him out the last few days, to cope with it. Hustling a little, Rei wasn't slowing for him "You really done with Shinji? I mean…it'd be wrong. I don't want to, you know, hurt him or anything." Shinji was his friend, and he valued that friendship over a little tail. But Shinji knew how it felt, Kensuke likely did to because of Chidori's ruse. Why couldn't he? Rei always did have an odd appeal to him but she was either to cold or with Shinji. Now though…
"They don't let me see him, so I can't confirm things. Head was to cloudy first time, seeing clearer now. So how about it," she asked. She stopped outside a motel, she rose her eyebrow and flinched her head towards the door.
Won't let her see him, must be Nerv related. Rei always did seem the rules abiding type. So if Nerv said they couldn't see each other, it really HAD to be over right? His slacks tightened again, mind dulled by hormones and teenage confusion. "If you're sure…I mean if it really is over between you two," Touji nodded to his own logic. He can't be stealing Rei from Shinji if they broke up, hell Shinji might be off banging Sakura right now for all Touji knew! Following Rei into the love motel, he watched her pay for a room and accompanied her into it.
Short and brief, not how he expected it to feel for his first time. All during it Rei looked on as if she were evaluating something, none of those sounds he heard from Kensuke's videos. And when it was over, Rei rolled off him with a frown, "No, this isn't right either. It didn't feel the same, didn't feel as good as that memory." She walked off without another word, just put her clothing on and left, no shower nothing.
Ego in tatters, Touji shambled off to the shower and let his shame drip from him. "Not as good…" that was all he heard over and over. What just happened…what was happening. Worse of all what did, if anything, did he tell Shinji about his twenty minutes of disgrace. No relationship, nothing but the fleeting sensation of skin and those words of failure ringing in his head. "What did I expect, what do I expect now," the stall had no answers, and he knew fear.
X-X
Author Notes
Going into a bit darker territory here, but I still think its believable. Touji did mention he'd go at Rei if he had an option and Shinji wasn't dating her. Since its been over 2 months since the 'break up' started I think he'd accept it. Trying to balance all the extra elements and keep the plot going…hope its working.
And happy Halloween! Funny how I updated this story just a lil after Halloween last year too! Go out, have fun, and see some cool stuff!
Ja Mata
Zentrodie