Disclaimer: I do not own The 100.

I'm taking this slow-but the shit is about to hit the fan.

Finn glanced up in surprise. "Clarke-"

"I'm going to be quick about this," I interrupted. Now that things had been decided, I wanted to get it over with. "Don't do what you did this morning anymore. It's not welcome and it's wrong. If you give anything to anybody, give it to Raven."

His shoulders sagged. "Look, I realize things are complicated, but don't do this."

"They're not complicated, Finn. Everything is as clear as crystal. You and Raven are together. You should treat her right, not go around behind her back giving things to other girls. You and me don't have anything, okay? Just friends, if that. And even that will stop if you don't do what I'm asking," I added softly, letting him know just how serious I was. I couldn't let any of my regret show. This was the right thing to do."

He got to his feet. "What if things aren't working out between us? That we break up? What then?"

I kept my arms and hands strictly at my sides. "Then that's between the two of you and has nothing to do with me. Do you understand, Finn?"

He said nothing, licking his lips and staring at me with big puppy eyes.

"Do you understand?" I asked again, more firmly. "I want to hear you say that you do."

"Come on, Clarke—"

"That's enough." The words cracked between us like a whip. "We're done."

And with that, I turned on my heel and left. I emerged into the sunlight and walked off a bit, heading for the side of the drop ship. When I got there I went a bit out of general sight, leaning my back on the cool metal. I let my head rest against the dented vessel, closing my eyes. I did it. Ripped the bandage off in one fell swoop.

I waited for that sense of happiness or freedom I thought I'd feel. It was there, a little nugget in the left side of my chest, but mostly it was a sense of disconnection. That fear of the inbetween. The 'now what?' stage.

Because I really had no idea what to do from here.

Okay. Moment over.

I opened my eyes and went into the drop ship. I spent the rest of the day sorting supplies and putting together a general list of topics for the classes. I consulted with Octavia on that. We were still stiff and awkward, but as long as we kept it professional the conversation went smoothly.

Then, in her typical Octavia fashion, she jumped right into the most sensitive topic she could. "What's with you and Bellamy?"

I had my cheek in my hand at that point, resting my elbow on the table and considering what we'd accomplished. I tilted my head just so, trying to gauge her mood. She was staring at me with the same mule-headed determination Bellamy sometimes did.

Must be a Blake thing.

Must be nice to have a thing that could be attributed to a family at all. "Would you believe I don't know?"

"Then why is he coming out of your tent, feeding you, and watching you like he does?"

I sat back. "He thinks we'd make good partners."

"Yeah. Partners. Right."

I really didn't want to sit there and defend myself to Bellamy's little sister. "We're not together and we're not having sex. Would you please lay off?"

Octavia frowned. "Wait. You're not?"

"Would it be any of your business if we were?"

Suddenly a bright, bright smile lit up her face. "Oh, this is too good." She darted around to the other side of the table, planted both hands on it and leaning forward. "He likes you."

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and stared at her in stony silence.

That didn't do a thing. "He can be a real smooth operator when he wants."

I scowled.

"Give him hell."

I blinked. Slowly. "I didn't expect that," I confessed.

"Please. Bellamy needs to get taken down a peg or two from time to time, or he'll start believing his own hype. Or, you know, forget to just stay grounded." She shrugged a shoulder like she didn't care, but she did.

I eyed her. "What's it like to have a brother?"

"I don't know. What was it like to have two parents?"

That hit me right where it mattered. A hard ball formed in my throat. God, I missed the days when I had two parents to lean on. "Good," I managed to say after I licked my lips. "For a while, really good. Like things weren't as bad as they were."

Octavia drummed her fingers on the table. "Yeah." The mood turned somber, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Then, "Let's put it this way. I don't want to find out what it'd be like down here without Bellamy."

I tried to picture that. I really did. At first I couldn't. Then I thought about the Grounders, and the kid with the gash in his leg, and about thirty other things that could go wrong just walking from one side of camp to the other. I thought about the total chaos that reigned the first few days. Bellamy had a lot to do with it, but at the same time, I could now see that he also gave the chaos shape. What would have happened if he hadn't been here at all? Would things have been better, like I thought at first, or...worse?

My blood ran cold. "I...guess we'll have to make sure he sticks around."

Octavia's mouth twisted, and I could see her weighing me to determine if I could measure up to her standards. We didn't have to say it—we both knew what we were really talking about here. Forget the little sister vetting her brother's "potential girlfriend" scenario. We were talking about a peace agreement to keep her brother alive at all costs. An alliance.

"Yeah," she finally said. "Guess we will."

So that was it. The deal was struck.

A smile flitted across her face. "Should we spit in our hands and shake on it to make it official?"

That startled a laugh out of me. "I don't think that'll be necessary."

"Too bad. I was kind of hoping to try that on someone."

"I'm sure it's slimier than you want to deal with. The last thing any of us needs is to get dirtier. It's what's causing such a high rate of infection around here."

"We need baths."

"We need a lot of things. Permanent housing and medical supplies. Food." My lips quirked. "A better map."

"What about sending out groups?"

"To take baths?"

"Yeah. Girls only. Guys only. Take turns washing and then getting the hell out of there."

"Grounders would be a problem." Or maybe not for Octavia. I kept that to myself, though.

"Better than us dying of infection. Dunk us all at once and maybe washing clothes in the process. If nothing else, we'd smell better."

And God, some of us really needed to smell better. I weighed the options, gnawing on my bottom lip. It was risky, but a bath would do a lot of us a world of good. On the Ark we had highly regulated shower schedules, but it had been almost two weeks of nothing but the occasional rainfall and quick sponge baths. We were a plague just waiting to happen.

"If we can find someone else who can draw," I mused, "we could try putting together a map. Get a better picture of what's outside. I can bring my sketching supplies."

"Where the hell did you find those?"

"We dug around," I said vaguely. "So which of us is going to tell Bellamy our plan?"

"How about we tell Raven first? The three of us would be able to convince him."

"Maybe convince is the wrong word," I ventured. "Coordinate sounds better. We need to make decisions as a cohesive group. Show a little solidarity." The last thing I wanted was to return to that first day.

"Whatever, Clarke. Let's go. I'm suddenly dying to get some of this stink off of me."

Her and me both. "We've got to keep this quiet. Raven only. We don't want to people to mutiny over a bath."

"Clarke. Move."

A few minutes later, Raven was hearing us out. Her shift was over, and her dark eyes lit up at our proposal. "We'd need rope. None of us know how to swim. If we could string something up to hang onto, maybe block off a shallow area, we'd be safer."

That was a good idea. "Do you know anybody that can draw?"

"Monroe can whip up a pretty funny stick figure."

"We need all the help we can get, but first we let Bellamy in on this."

"Kids that learn engineering have to take drafting classes, don't they?" Octavia interjected, giving Raven the eye.

"Please," she said, hands on hips, "I'm more of a freehander. I barely made it out of that semester."

"We could still use your ability to map out lines and grids," I chimed in. "You'd be really useful."

She rolled her eyes. "Alright. Let's go talk to the king."

I wanted to sigh. Even Raven was calling Bellamy that now. Wouldn't be long before he started demanding a throne and a concubine.

No, that wasn't Bellamy. He was more of the warlord type. With armor, a sword, a horse, and a big, forbidding fortress on the top of a hill. I could see it so clearly in my mind that my hand ached to draw it. It would be moody and dark, full of shadows and that penetrating stare I thought of as pure Bellamy. He'd be seated, leaning forward in a large chair. His sword would be point down on the floor, and he'd be holding the hilt, half in light, half in darkness—

"Clarke."

"What?" My face heated. I could not believe I'd just gotten caught up drawing Bellamy Blake in my head. Could they see that? My blush intensified. "Sorry. My mind drifted."

"Right," Raven drawled, clearly not understanding or caring.

Octavia smirked.

I wanted to find a hole and crawl into it. "Let's find Bellamy."

"Let's find Bellamy for what?" a deep voice asked behind me.

I whipped around, my heart in my throat—and eye to eye with his chin. How did he keep doing that?

He smiled, laughing at me. I looked up into his eyes, remembered the picture, and that stupid blush came back.

He tilted his head in interest. "What are you girls up to?"

I cleared my throat. "We were thinking of getting a group together to go take baths." There. I even managed to sound halfway normal.

"Baths," he repeated with a quirked brow.

"Yes. Girls then guys. Get some of this gunk off of us," Octavia jumped in. She outlined her plan, with Raven chiming in, while I moved out of the way. It was Octavia's moment and I needed to get myself together.

"We can't risk Grounders coming after you," was Bellamy's immediate response.

Hardly surprising. Bellamy was all about pushing the Grounders back, but he was even more concerned about his sister's safety.

"There are just as many good reasons to go as to stay," Raven pointed out. "I don't know about you, but I'd feel a lot happier clean. You might get some extra work out of us yet."

The look he slanted her was less than amused. "Funny, Reyes."

"We'd cut down a little on the risk of infectious diseases," I felt compelled to add.

"We're also going to make a map," Octavia told him excitedly. Never mind that we didn't have a definitive plan for that. It was just a suggestion.

Never mind. I could see the wheels turning in Bellamy's head. We'd all crowded together to keep our voices down, so it was easy to observe him without being obvious about it.

"Come on, Bell. Give us this much. We're dirty and we're sick of it." Octavia was turning on the charm, going in for the kill. "Please?"

"O, it's dangerous. There's no way in hell I'm assigning guards to a group of naked women."

"Who says we need male guards?" she challenged.

Very good question. I wasn't one to play gender politics, but I was suddenly very interested in Bellamy's answer. So was Raven, who crossed her arms and gave him an arched look. And he seemed to realize it. He looked from one girl to the other—me, who had personally removed a knife out of someone's side and gave another a mercy killing, Raven, the girl who electrocuted a prisoner to get answers, and Octavia, who could survive just about anything.

He gritted his teeth. "One hour. Ten girls. Five pairs, little kids with the big ones. Do not dawdle, understand? Or I will personally come and drag every one of your asses back to camp whether you're dressed or not."

Octavia scrunched up her nose. "Ew." She glanced at me and then Raven, and it suddenly occurred to all three of us that we were going to have a bath.

Raven smiled first. Octavia strangled a whoop by throwing herself into Bellamy's arms. Even I couldn't contain my happy grin.

Bellamy chuckled and patted his sister on the back. "Alright, alright." He met my gaze over her shoulder. "Get going. The faster you get out of here the faster you'll get back. I'll pick the other girls and let them know what's happening."

Octavia tore herself away and grabbed me by the elbow. "Let's go! Let's go!"

I followed, trying not to look back at Bellamy. There was no reason to, except— "We need Munroe," I reminded him.

He nodded, a faint smile on his lips.

He really was kind of handsome in a certain light. At a certain angle.

When Raven said rope, she really meant a bunch of fabric that wasn't fit for much else quickly woven together. Ten girls put a few rudimentary braiding skills together and in no time at all, we had a good twenty feet. Half of us armed ourselves. Bellamy was waiting at the gate, looking torn between bemusement and the urge to cancel the whole thing.

It must have been really killing him to let us out of his sight like that. It wasn't the first time I'd seen his protective instinct. He didn't apply it to a lot of people, but he seemed to look after the concept of the collective with favor. Not like a father or anything—that was reserved for Octavia—but as someone who was interested in making life down here work.

He pulled Octavia aside for some last minute instructions. I couldn't hear what they said, but it was a short, heated discussion. It couldn't have been too bad—Octavia gave him another hug and bounced off with her partner.

As I walked by, I met his eyes. There wasn't a special reason why. I was just as worried about Grounders as he was, but I looked forward to getting clean so much that I ached. Still, I knew it was hard for him. I wanted to make him feel a little bit better about it.

He moved like he wanted to take my hand, but stopped himself. "Be careful," he murmured instead.

"We will," I replied quietly, giving him a small smile. "In and out, one hour."

He nodded, but seemed far from reassured.

Time was wasting. I went through the gate and listened as it closed behind me.

Monroe and Raven made up the front of the group. Octavia and I were in the back. We technically had a buddy system. It made more sense to keep the smaller ones in the middle, though. A girl named Jem, who was probably the same age as Octavia, walked with them, a knife gripped tightly in her hand.

We made it to the river. The second we saw it, it was like something snapped inside. We all rushed forward, throwing off clothes. We kept our eyes on the trees as we each took a bit of our rope that we tied to a tree. I was the first to wade in, wearing nothing but my underwear. I didn't have extra clothes to change into, which meant I needed to keep the top layer dry. The bottom layer, though—that was going to get washed thoroughly, come hell or high water.

There was no movement beneath the surface. No distrubances in the treeline. Taking a chance, I ducked my head under. Water closed over my head and suddenly, silence. Blissful silence.

I reemerged with a laugh. "Hurry!" I told the others.

They giggled and almost pushed each other as they splashed in. We were making too much noise, but I didn't have the heart to remind them off it. As long as we were vigilant, we'd get through this.

Raven pulled off her top, revealing pretty tanned skin and long lines. "We have to do this quick," she said, but even she couldn't resist a gasp of pleasure as she hit the cold water.

I took off my underwear and used it to quickly wash the grit from my skin, then found a rock to beat the cloth against. We all ducked our heads a few times, taking turns rubbing our scalps, trying to remember what clean felt like and hold onto the rope at the same time. It was wonderful.

"Are you good?" I asked my partner, a girl of about fourteen with long brown hair and cheeky blue eyes. "I have to get out and do some sketching. Come closer to the shore, okay?"

I knew she wanted to argue, but I hadn't said she had to get out of the water yet, so she didn't say anything. I reluctantly climbed back onto the bank, not even worried about my nakedness. I put my bra and undies on a sunny rock before digging out my drawing supplies. I had to keep an ear open and an eye on my partner, so this was going to be quick and dirty.

We were there maybe twenty minutes. My hair had begun to dry. For the first time in a long while I didn't feel like things were living in the strands. Words didn't exist to describe how amazing it felt to sit there naked, somewhat more relaxed than usual, with real sunlight on my skin. Was this what it was like a hundred, two hundred years ago? It was better feeling than any alcohol could inspire. It felt almost...peaceful, even if I was aware of every minute that passed.

Monroe came up next to me. She was tall and athletically built, kind of like one of those Greek goddesses I remembered reading about.

"Everything okay?"

"Good to be clean. Not sure how I feel about the water part of it."

I looked up.

She stretched her arms overhead and bent to the side. "Gets up my nose and in my eyes. I can't see. I don't like that."

I envied her toned body. She could probably run for miles and not lose her breath. Then again, none of us ever had a chance to run in space, so who knew?

She started to get dressed. "I'll take the left."

"Here." I offered my pad and pencil. "Raven says you can draw a little. Try to remember as much as you can of the walk here and what you saw. Every bit helps."

"Got it." She took everything and walked off.

I stood, looking out over the girls. They looked happy. I hated to do this. "Fifteen minutes," I called out.

A chorus of "what? No!"s echoed. Led by Octavia.

I felt like a mom ruining everybody's good time. "We have to go back soon."

Raven backed me up. "She's right. We're clean. Let's take it for what it is."

I nodded at her, grateful.

She climbed out and stood next to me. "Wish we could stay here all day."

"Me too."

Suddenly she lifted her hand in a staying motion. "Do you hear that?"

Heart freezing, I listened. "Is that...?"

"I didn't pay a lot of attention in Earth Studies, but I swear to God that sounds like a chicken."

Possibilties flashed through my mind. Chickens. Eggs. A domesticated food source. I was so excited I grabbed Raven's hand and stared at her, wide-eyed.

Understanding flashed between us. "Monroe will look after the kids. You go that way, and I'll go this way. We catch it if it kills us."

Well, not if it killed us, but I admired her enthusiasm.

We didn't waste time dressing, just grabbed a knife and a club. Raven had the knife and I had the club. We seperated and circled. I tried to avoid every stick I could, the underbrush pricking the tender soles of my feet. I ignored the scratches of branches on my skin. The chicken, a way to feed people was more important.

Next to a tree I stopped and listened. Dammit. I didn't hear the clucking anymore.

A twig snapped.

I froze. Raven?

"What the hell are you doing here?" an angry voice demanded.

My mouth parted. Bellamy?

A scuffle, then Bellamy barked, "I told you to stay back in camp, Spacewalker."

Oh no.

"Are you kidding me, Blake? That's my girlfriend in there. There's no way I'm letting you or any of your yahoos spy on her."

"And I'm not letting you lay an eye on my sister." A growl. "Or Clarke."

All the blood drained from my face. Oh no. No.

A pause. "What are you talking about?"

Don't. Please don't.

"Maybe it's time someone laid out the facts for you, Finn. Whatever happened, it's over. She's not there for you to take advantage of anymore. Got it?"

"You don't have a clue what you're talking about."

"Don't I? All of you, listen up. Clarke's off limits. Anybody that goes near her answers to me." Clothing rustling. Someone stumbling. "You. Get back to camp."

If I were dressed, I would have punched him. I would have beaten Bellamy Blake over the head with my club. How could he? I was humiliated all the way down to my soul.

A breathe sounded on my right. I looked, and there was Raven. Our gazes met over the distance. I bit my lip, trembling, torn between screaming in anger and burrowing in embarrassment. And Raven? Our dirty laundry was just aired in front of who-knew how many people. Word would spread like wild fire. Whatever tentative peace Raven and I had between us would be destroyed, just like that.

And for what? So Bellamy could put his foot on the back of my neck and claim territory?

I swiped a shaking hand over my eyes. I think in that moment, I really hated Bellamy.

Raven swallowed, then glared in the direction of the boys. Whatever she was feeling, it wasn't charitable.

A hand reached out and clasped my shoulder. I glanced at her, shocked. What was she doing? Didn't she hate me? Didn't she want to rip my hair out?

It was a weak way to think, but I didn't have enough faith in humanity anymore to think otherwise.

She squeezed. Come on, she mouthed.

I didn't see any hatred there.

That made me want to cry more. I hurt, right in the chest, but I nodded jerkily and crept out after her.

But I didn't see the twig. I didn't know it was there until is snapped under my fist when I put it down to steady myself.

"Over there!"

No no no no—

"Clarke?"

I looked over my shoulder, eyes wide. At Bellamy. At Finn. At at least three other guys.

And they were staring at us, mouths open.

Bellamy's gaze scorched me. They traveled up and down, taking in every bit of exposed skin. Time suspended.

Then he looked at Finn.

And then he punched him.