With Nothing Else

by Zentrodie

When people have little in their lives they cling to the small things that bring joy. Sometimes that is good while others it can lead to their downfall. For those working for Nerv, very few have much in their lives.

15. Chapter 15

Standard Disclaimer

Man snow hit and hit hard here making my car have all kinds of issues. Not the best new year but we make do. Work is ramping up its eating of my time and people here are actively destroying the rest, nothing new there, but I persist on! Hoping you're having a better time of things than I am.

X-X

With Nothing Else

Chapter – 15

Time just kept buffering down the edges of Ritsuko's life. It swept away the good, smoothed the edges of the bad, and left her dull and small. Two weeks since her breakdown at the bedside of one Shinji Ikari, she was being told of how she'd be thrusting more pain into his life. "So we're to get Unit-03 when sir?" she felt cold dread.

"In about a month. You are to select the next Child and have him brought in just in time for the first activation test," Gendo reached out and caressed the side of Unit-01. They were doing a small examination of the units, Gendo couldn't let his beloved Unit-01's inspection happen without him. Only trusted personnel were nearby, Ritsuko noticed how a particularly pretty technician kept looking at them, guess Gendo moved on. "And don't forget what the Dead Sea scrolls said about the next angel," he didn't even bother looking at her.

How could she forget, it got her mind ablaze with hatred for this man. "I understand sir. Be that as it may, is it wise to select one of those two as pilots for Unit-03 then?" damn her past actions! She just HAD to let slip the two boys that got in the plug back at the Fourth angel were very high selective candidates. Praise and love, she had done it for those and thought she got it. Joke's on her.

"It doesn't matter, we have the Dummy Plug if needed, correct?" he ran his scarred hand over Unit-01's core. Leaving that 'thing' against it for a moment he shuttered and turned from it. Taking the print outs from that woman younger than Maya, he nodded at her twice, and rejoined Ritsuko. "The Fourth shall become a traitor and be put down," dare he have reverence in his reciting?

Scrolls and prophesies, their lives were in the hands of such drivel. Ask Ritsuko back in college what she thought of prognosticators and she'd have launched into a tirade. "Should we tell the other pilots about his selection?" Ritsuko didn't know who to choose. The taller boy or the geeky one, she never could remember their names, despite how oft Shinji mentioned them. It would only be right for them to tell the pilots about it, they would have to try and save the new pilot from their Eva eventually.

Walking past her, not even hesitating for her to join in step, Gendo blazed a trail towards the parking garage. "No, keep it secret from them. Tell whoever you chose the same. Offer them anything needed to get them piloting, it is unlikely we'll have to honor it for long," man and woman alike got out of his way. They had no idea of what he was truly talking about, and it added to the fear they already had of him. A man willing to use human lives to save humanity. Save humanity, they truly thought Gendo had their best interest at heart.

"If you think that best sir," Ritsuko played her part. She hadn't been replaced yet, well not at her job it seems. She stopped to look at that happy girl, who had no idea what the future held for her if Gendo had chosen her as his next. Getting into the cab with him, she'd get off at a lower floor for a late afternoon sync test. "Your thoughts on Ayanami?" Ritsuko's tongue was heavy and dry. She had see the lone hidden camera footage from the changing room.

Fixing his glasses, he turned to her and just stood there huge and life and twice as threatening. "Leave her by as long as she listens to orders. I don't care if she fucks the whole of that school aside the Third Child. It doesn't matter, she can't be pregnant. The moment she becomes a threat though she will be put down and replaced," lives were nothing to this man in search for his goal.

"I'll have fifth body on standby then, if it becomes necessary," Ritsuko just held her breath. Had Gendo seen the tape himself, did he care? The man didn't say anything, just riding in silence until the door opened and he stepped out for a meeting with the Security Council. Not even a goodbye to the woman he had slept with for several months, not a word.

Bouncing her head off the cab after the door closed, Ritsuko thought she was done with this! "How can I expect anything from him, I know better!" but she felt that knife twist all the same. Love never truly died, it just got buried and twisted. But if he said one kind word, she feared what she would do. "Killing children, killing Rei again…its all the same to him," she knew he was a monster. Didn't lessen the pain though, only booze and work did. "I should tell Shinji-kun about Ayanami," Ritsuko made a brisk pace to the test rooms.

The tape, she watched it in the privacy of her office and then re-watched it. Four times in a row she watched that one camera not even security knew about play the events. She wanted to blame Rei for it, claim her to be some monster or abomination. But to do that she'd have to admit to breaking protocol in waking her, and she had no real evidence. The stress of life was getting to the doctor and she had more than one time blanked out and suffered lost time over the last month. But that video of here standing blankly and answering every tawdry and dirty factoid she knew of the Ayanami/Ikari relationship.

"But she's still not done anything about it, so maybe I'm worried about nothing," still she couldn't shake the dread off. Her hand stalled on the handle to the test room as she heard voices. Maya and Shinji were talking, tests must have ended sooner than expected. Now that was something that left Ritsuko floored, but for a change in the positive direction. He had forgiven her for his planned assassination! Hell Misato still didn't talk to her, and the boy in question realized the greater good took priority. He still made her lunch, and he stayed to talk to both Maya and her from time to time. A fourteen year old humoring an old hag like her. Giggling softly, "Maybe he has a thing for Maya?"

Leaning in to hear better but not interrupt, it was Maya's soft tones that she picked up on. "You should tell that Sakura girl how you feel, Shinji-kun. If you don't like her that way, why string her along? Or…are you afraid of being alone?" Maya wasn't the most tactful girls when it came to emotions. Blunt force was Maya's tools, and Ritsuko still hadn't said much about the drunken confession. Both women seemed to treat it like rod of uranium, untouched and out of sight.

"It's not that I don't like her, its just…" Shinji started strong then petered out. The sounds of chairs moving, creaking and squealing with age and resistance split the air and made Ritsuko's teeth hurt. "It's just I don't see her the way she sees me. She calls me a hero, and is just so…eager. I feel like I'm not being very true. In time maybe I could, but until then is it wrong?" a loaded question if their ever was one.

Ritsuko knew Maya didn't have the knowledge to field it, Shinji was in a position the timid girl had never been in. So rather than be a sneaking rat, she confessed to her dalliance by walking in and shutting the door behind her. "You're being a lot more upfront about your fears than she was Shinji, never forget that. It was her little bout of selfishness that landed you in the hospital. So if you two play around for a while and you split, at least she has those memories," good memories rather than bruises and scars was wonderful.

Oh how those chairs parted lickety-split, as Maya and Shinji both pushed away. It was quite comical as Shinji was close to the wall and his head bounced off it in response. Rubbing the injury gingerly, "Ritsuko-san you were listening to us? W-when did you get here?" Shinji's hand stalled, didn't move as he started Ritsuko's feet and slowly stole up to her face.

"Oh long enough," she winked at the boy as she approached. Checking his readings, the timestamp said the test ended twenty minutes ago, guess her little friends here were talking for sometime. Was Maya switching sides rather than wait for an answer? They were close in age, had similar dispositions, Ritsuko could see Maya and Shinji working out. Maya would be patient, and Shinji would…well Shinji would be the consummate lover the girl never had. Hell that Ritsuko never had…no, bad. No fantasies about Shinji, not after the dream she had. God that made her feel like shit, a fuck-fantasy about a fourteen year old that treated her better than anybody ever had in her shit life. "So have you and Sakura-kun started having sex?" Ritsuko asked pointblank.

Maya's hand bumped off the console loudly and knocked her empty coffee cup off. "Sempai! You shouldn't just ask…that's personal stuff isn't it? I mean we should give Shinji-kun here some p-privacy right?" oh Maya didn't have a poker face at all. It explained the length of their talk a little. Shinji had finally succumb to the constant offer of sex from the little spoiled girl and felt bad and went to somebody he trusted. Misato would tease, and Asuka was just becoming such a bitter pill who else could he go to? More flustered than Shinji was, "Kids these days just go to fast."

"Are you upset with me Ritsuko-san?" Shinji pleaded for answers, boy just needed the praise of others. Ritsuko related full heartedly, at first it was father, then mother, and lastly Gendo. Shuffling his feet about, he got up and rounded the woman fearful of an outburst. Brokenly mumbling, "After what you said awhile back I wouldn't think you'd be. But p-people often say what they don't mean."

Since when did this boy's affection mean so much to her that she hated seeing him afraid of her? Reaching out to him, he flinched of course, but she continued and latched onto his shoulder. "Not at all. Glad you're finally thinking about yourself a little, or are you doing this for HER sake and not your own?" she'd not put it past him. People with Shinji's disposition would get into a relationship with somebody they didn't want to in order to avoid the confrontation. He tensed instantly from it, bingo. He HAD submitted to make Tachibana's life better and not his own wants. "And even if you aren't, at least you get to have a little fun. Just don't go knocking her up, pregnancy costs are high," she winked. He was temporarily sterile thanks to the LCL and they both knew it.

"I was just about to ask Shinji-kun if he'd like to come over to my apartment this weekend. Little movie and dinner party so he can talk about this in a more…relaxed atmosphere. I'd love for you to come too Sempai," Maya cut the thick air that lingered after Ritsuko's mood obliterating comment. Joining the duo, Maya's smile was infectious as always.

Just what was Maya up to, Ritsuko didn't know or want to speculate. "Well I have nothing going on at the moment," other than picking which of Shinji's friends would be the next pilot. Feeling Shinji slide out of her grasp, damn those plugsuits were slick, she saw him making his way for the door, "Not leaving on my account are you Shinji-kun?" It was odd how when alone they were much more relaxed with each other, first names and open talking…god her life was horrid. Her best friends now were eight and fourteen years her junior. Maybe Misato would come back around, but the wedge was there and widening not shortening.

"I need to get home to cook. Misato-san's shift will be over in a little bit and if I don't cook she…she just drinks," Shinji shuffled away and rushed towards the door. The less he said the less incriminating it was on Misato's character. Hand on the door, body half out of it already, "I'll think about this weekend Maya-san. Sakura-san has to meet with her father about something so I'm free. But if something comes up." He shrugged and vanished from sight.

Waiting for the door to seal itself, Ritsuko's powerful mind beset the situation with all she could. "Maya, if you don't want me to show up for this little party of yours I'll understand. Young man and women together, man having relationship issues comes to his friend for aid. Maybe that woman…" Ritsuko just shrugged with a half grin, almost teasingly.

"I well…you know that I've asked you…and he has grown on me," Maya just shook her head and played with her fingers. Taking a deep breath she fixed her hair and swallowed deeply. "I still think I love you Sempai, that hasn't changed. But I don't want to force it on you. You've enough problems without me added to them. As for Shinji-kun, ever since we started talking to him at Katsuragi's, and after the last angel we've all talked more…it just sort of works. A-all three of us. I feel sick saying it. I mean he's so young, and he's with a girl his own age. But if you heard how he spoke about that girl…it won't last," Maya had done her homework.

Mentally unprepared for Maya's little cluster fuck, Ritsuko just took Shinji's seat. It was still warm so she wiggled into it to further maximize it. "Maya, I'm sure Shinji-kun could come to like you. But I'm far to old for him, new laws be damned. If you want to try perusing him I won't stop you. Hell I'd support it. He could really benefit from an emotionally stable relationship and not some hero worshipping little girl," Ritsuko flashed Maya the thumbs up. The whole Shinji fucking Sakura, well Section-2's report was on her desk. They had first done it a week after his release from the hospital, and nearly every other day afterward at Sakura's bequest.

"But you're not that much older! W-will you at least come this weekend? I won't force it or even bring it up. I'm not totally sure if its real emotions I feel for him or just…a whim. I wouldn't want to mess things up. I like how things are with us right now. I don't…don't have many friends. And this relationship shit always messes my head up. I either go to fast and hard or stall to long and lose my chance. Thought if you were there…seeing how well you two get along," Maya gathered her stuff up and headed for the door. "Just think about it, will you?" she pleaded.

Nodding once, Ritsuko would pay it head service. "Get going Maya, bet you have a lot of cleaning to do. And I'll try to get Misato to agree to let him spend the night," she playfully gnashed her teeth. Showing the tech out of the room, Ritsuko kept her mask up until Maya was long gone, then just broke. Maya was waiting for her, nobody had done that for her! And here she was planning to help potentially kill one of Shinji's friends. Yup, great girlfriend to have, one that keeps nothing but secrets and murders their friends. Just perfect. Her life was fucked up and she couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When her foot hit the lunchbox left for her, she stopped here gasping for air and just stared at it. Maya left a can of soda, Shinji made the lunch…she threw both at the wall and walked away disgusted with herself.

X-X

"Um, Soryu-san do you have a minute to talk?" a taller boy asked, his face greasy and hair a mess. The half day for Saturday was over and the students making quick departures, and yet this boy stood in front of Asuka's shoe locker pensively.

Now this was exactly what Asuka didn't want to put up with today, or any day for that matter. "What do you want, and get out of my way?" oh she knew what the creep wanted. Pushing him away, she switched her shoes as he hovered over her, weaving with anxiety. It was another guy wanting to pay for her time. A gift from Chidori, letting her secret slip in the form of a rumor laced with truth. A few girls commented behind their hands about how she was a 'whore'. Backstabbers, Asuka ground her teeth, "Make it fast I have things to do."

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, the boy a year higher than Asuka, gyrated slowly, "Well I was wondering. Well, if you'd like to go out with me today. T-that is if…" He smiled at her, nearly as uncomfortable as Asuka was to hear it. Pulling his wallet out, he flashed Asuka its contents and nodded a few times to eagerly. Clear as crystal, I'll pay you for your time. Just like the rumor stated, and Chidori had enough 'friends' to perpetuate it the whole school knew now.

"Don't talk about shit like that here!" Asuka whispered harshly. Just how dark had that rumor blossomed and what ugly shade was that flower? This jerk was going to tell her what he heard and who from. There would be hell to pay, each and every one of them that treated her like this would get what was coming to them! Grabbing his hand, she yanked him hard and unyieldingly out of the school and out of sight of the others. "Talk, what did you hear and who told you?" she pressed him against the wall with one hand and clenched her right hand into a fist.

Now that he didn't have others around, the would-be John lost a lot of his uneasiness. "Well I heard you do pay-dates from Akio, and that you go all the way if I pay enough. I also heard that Fukuyama was one of your clients until his father had him move. So-so what do you charge?" he pulled his wallet out again and had his money in hand.

"And how does Shinji factor into this, I'm sure he does somehow," Asuka let the boy go. Akio was one of Chidori's toadies so that's another one that she needed to step on. They'd all pay for this, all of them! One day she was queen of the school, now she was treated like a common trollop. All because she didn't do what some spoiled girl wanted and her friend was a vengeful bitch! The boy, her would be purchaser, wasn't a horrible looking guy she thought he sent her a love letter ages ago. But she was NOT for sale at any price. Batting away the outstretched money, "I don't do that! Nagato is just sore that I won't help that simpering scag she hangs out with."

Reluctantly putting his money back into his wallet, the boy actually had a bit brighter smile about him. "I knew you were better than that," somehow Asuka knew he had hoped he was wrong. Taking a bold step, he put a hand on Asuka's bicep and slid away from the wall and tried to push Asuka against it in his place. With a hand going through his hair, "As for Ikari-kun, Akio said it he got beat by Fukuyama for trying to pay for you in front of him. So if you aren't like that, how about we just go out as friends then?"

"No, and if you don't let go of my arm now I will break it," Asuka's tone was abyssal. A potent venom that robbed the boy of his color and he let her go instantly. Spinning him around, she put her foot on his butt and gave him a shove. Three mighty steps was what it took for the boy to get his footing. He turned, something akin to rage and betrayal on his face but he didn't risk saying anything before running off. "So looks like Nagato's little stooges are changing the story to fit their whims," Asuka wondered how that fit into the bitch's plan? So Fukuyama was her pimp then, and Sakura's hero was a rejected client? How did that make Sakura look to be girlfriend a prostitute cast off?

Fixing her hair, it was mussed by her near assault of the boy, Asuka just wanted to go home. Sadly she had to go to Nerv, stupid tests. Her score was still holding but not improving, she had to fix that fast. At least she didn't have to be around Shinji right now, he was confusing her. Rejoining the others departing the school she found her John talking to his friends, smiling and then pointed at her. Oh they shared in a good laugh at her expense, the rumor likely growing in size. Well to hell with them! What did their opinions matter anyway? She knew the truth, so did Shinji, as did Hikari and those were the only students whose opinions that mattered to her.

"Oh if it isn't Tokyo-3's newest slut, business going well Soryu?" Chidori asked with her arm around Kensuke's. The geek's eyes were wide and his face pale, he wasn't keen on the ploy, but he was at his master's beck and call.

Clenching her fist, beating her down now wouldn't help but the urge was so high. So much anger all the time, anger and depression was all she felt lately! "You must really have a death wish. Starting rumors about somebody that can easily crush you and your house. And why wouldn't I do this again? Because you and I are such good friends, because I care about that cum-bucket Sakura?" Asuka burst out laughing. People were starting to watch, what did she care. One day they saw her as a goddess, now she was used goods. To the gathering crowd she addressed them, "The one that calls Shinji over almost every day so he can service her, girl is insatiable." And when Shinji got back, Asuka just watched how he listlessly moved about broken and dejected.

"Oh I thought that was you, isn't the going price only a thousand yen?" Chidori shoved Kensuke away as she entered the proverbial ring. The two tigresses rounded each other, Chidori with her height advantage bore down as best she could. Thumbing her nose a near feral grin grew out of her, "And you are just bitter that you couldn't even pay Shinji-kun to look at you like he does Sakura. Jealousy really DOES suit you!"

Bristling from the back of her head down to her tailbone, Asuka's jaw twitched as she bit back her instant retort. One deep breath, her chest puffing out brilliantly, "Jealous of what, a rebound girl? I bet you he drops her in a few days. He IS going out with two other women tonight if you didn't know." She didn't want to comment on her jealousy, as she was. She didn't want to date Shinji, but was jealous of his effortless skill piloting, and how he was more open than she was. He was different than she was, he didn't push everybody away! Hikari and Shinji, Asuka kept them at arm's length now less she lash out at them again.

"S-so what if he is? Just work friends, he even told her about that," but some of the wind was out of Chidori's sails. With the fight out of them, both making pot shots across the others bow hoping for the other to commit more. Grabbing hold of Kensuke, Chidori played it up big and kissed his cheek. "Let's go Ken, Soryu needs to get working," she yanked on Kensuke harder. He resisted, trying to say something but Chidori didn't give him the opportunity.

Fine, what could that geek say to her that Asuka needed to hear? Nothing, the tag never had anything worth saying before and only used her in the past. Hikari had given her more than a few of the confiscated pictures Kensuke took of her. She was fine to profit off of, but not talk to or even think of as a human. Fuck all of them! She didn't need them, she needed nobody! Fine, she was just fine…totally fine.

Making her way to Nerv, Asuka just stewed in her growing funk. Her score was stagnant; Shinji was improving so she hated him for it. Not his fault, but he was passing her and taking away the one thing she had left! Hikari was making plans to ask that perverted buffoon Touji out, and that would drive the wedge between them even further. All she had left was what she started with, herself. "But Kaji-san hasn't been over lately. Maybe he…maybe I could," she changed her heading. Kaji, she'd see Kaji first. She didn't know for sure if Misato and Kaji were together, and if they were it wasn't concrete yet.

"He'll accept me this time," Asuka was ready. Her emotions were deadened, but that hope ran hot and wide and true. Kaji would be different than Kazuma had been, he'd be gentle and passionate, he'd…he'd… She didn't know, but right now she was ready to force the issue, just to know she had SOME hope left to live for. Finding Kaji's office was easy as always, she had been to it more than once before. Flirting with him had always been fun, seeing him squirm was a delight. Opening the door to his office, she saw the back of his head, he was so focused on his monitor he hadn't noticed her approach. Even better. She needed this, anything to help take away the cold nub of emptiness that was growing.

Closer and closer she stalked to him on her tiptoes, the door closed and locked. Kaji would accept her, Misato was just a fling just like Sakura was to Shinji. For a moment she wondered what was so fascinating that kept Kaji's attention so completely. If it was something that bitch Katsuragi sent him she'd break the monitor. It was going to be so lovely to shove her stealing of Kaji right in Misato's face! Her heart was beating faster and faster as Kaji was growing larger than life. Licking her lips she hoped she could fit him as she lunged, "Kaji-san!" She made sure to rub her breasts against his back, damn she was sensitive. Then she saw the screen and her mind saw one thing 'replacement', "what the hell is that?"

"A-Asuka!?" Kaji spun fast and hard making Asuka fling away from her and nearly fall, "What did I tell you about coming in here without knocking!" Pure unbridled rage wormed into his face and marred what handsome looks he had. And just like that, as Asuka blanched in fear it was gone. Turning off his monitor and the details of Kensuke and Touji's potential pilot scores. "You weren't supposed to see that Asuka. Promise to keep it a secret?" he kept a safe distance from her.

One of those spores was going to be a pilot? Were they going to replace her, was that the deal here? No, she couldn't get turned off here, not when she was so close. "I won't tell anybody…if you kiss me, right here right now," she did her best to keep her resolve and strength. If he felt weakness he'd push her away, claim she was to immature or something! But she was a woman now, she wasn't going to mess this up!

"I can't do that Asuka, you know that," Kaji turned his back and muttered to himself. His lighter flared to life illuminating the small room with orange light. A puff of smoke and the stench of tobacco filled soon followed. The cherry danced about, "Just don't tell anybody alright? Unit-03 is coming from the states soon and one of those two will be the pilot. We don't know which yet. So just do me a favor and keep it secret."

He wasn't taking her seriously, thinking this was just a whim of hers! Didn't he see, didn't he know she meant it! "You can if you want to, I want you to Kaji-san. I love you," she'd show him. The pains and betrayals from before flashed to mind, Kaji would take the pain away. He always did, Misato was just a fling. Guys liked to stick it to random girls, didn't mean they loved them! Asuka didn't love Kazuma and they had sex. Grabbing rings of her skirt she pulled them away and let it fall and pool around her legs, "Kaji-san, look at me."

"Asuka I know you…oh damn it!" Kaji turned and saw Asuka's offering. And when he rushed to her side, grabbed ahold of her, Asuka's heart swelled for that moment. But it was only a moment as he gave her a hard shake. "Look Asuka, you're a great young woman, but I don't see you that way. I don't and I won't. I'm sorry, and you have to stop doing shit like this! If somebody saw it," he just knelt down and grabbed her dropped clothing.

No, no it couldn't be like this, he couldn't reject her after she went this far! "The laws say we can! Nobody would care. It's not like you're with anybody…" Asuka saw it, that shame on Kaji's face. Leaning in, she went to force the issue and prove she was old enough that she was willing! For one tantalizing second she might have felt his lips on hers or maybe it was just in her head as he thrust her away. This time she didn't keep her balance and she fell back and smacked her head against the door. The world span, her vision saw double and triple, "K-Kaji…why?" she felt the tears just behind her eyes. Again, betrayed again!

"I just can't Asuka, and don't come to my office anymore alright. You got the wrong idea about me, I'm not what you think I am," Kaji made no effort to help her up. He stayed the full length of the room away from her and wouldn't turn. The smoke from his cigarette floated over his shoulder masking him in shadow and mist.

Getting up, Asuka pulled her straps back up and took one step closer to Kaji, "Don't" was all he said. Defeated, utterly and totally, Asuka left the room and the door open. It was impossibly larger, the sense of loss she felt right then. The night Kaji had Misato's scent on him was nothing in comparison. That night it had just been speculation, this was cold hard truth now. Delusions and lies couldn't hold up to the fact now, Kaji had rejected her totally at her most vulnerable.

Shambling along, Asuka found the locker room and just sat there. "He didn't even care. Nothing, I mean nothing to him, NOTHING!" she screamed as loud and hard as she could. Everybody lied to her, everybody hated her! She wasn't good enough for them, not her. Casting her clothing off again, she found a nice place to sit in the showers and turned on the cold water, it was fitting as she was cold inside already. No friends, no family, nothing nobody cared. "I hate this…I hate this so much," was she crying or was it just the shower, she didn't know.

"Asuka, Asuka are you in here?" Shinji's timid voice called out. He was in the changing room proper judging by the echo and strength of his voice. "Don't scare me now Asuka, Ritsuko-san sent me to get you, you're late for you sync test," he could be heard coming closer.

Shinji, he'd not push her away, he never did. He cared, Asuka knew. Taking more from him, a small voice told her, but right now she didn't care. Somebody, anybody that wasn't just there to take from her. Getting up, she walked without drying herself out of the stalls and found him staring dumbly at her. Arms outstretched, "Shinji…" it was a cry mixed with a prayer.

"Asuka what's wrong," he rushed over to her and yelped as she wrapped her arms around him hard. For a moment he didn't react, but slowly he encircled her as she did him. "Gods Asuka you're freezing, lets-let's get you warmed up," he led her to her locker and grabbed a towel. Not the first time he saw her like this, he did his best not to look at places he deemed inappropriate. Once the towel was draped over her shoulders, they just sat there, holding hands and leaning against one another. "Want to talk about it?" he eventually asked.

She shook her head no and just wiggled closer to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. No talking, just sitting there. A talisman against the hate of the world coming her way. So weak, when did she become so weak as to need this, yet she did. Sometime later, Maya came in and found them still like that. Her test was cancelled, postponed till tomorrow, and when the older woman looked at Shinji with a mixture of want and at Asuka with frustration Asuka pushed Shinji away.

"Thanks Baka," it was more affectionate then ever before, "I'll talk to you at the apartment tomorrow. You've a date with two old hags." She watched as Shinji and Maya left her in privacy. Emptiness came crushing back, but she was ready for it now. If that was all she was going to have, she would be ready now. Let the emptiness have what it could take.

X-X

Standing outside of Maya's apartment, Shinji felt a sense of trepidation. It wasn't the same as when he felt the first time he went to Sakura's though. Maya and Ritsuko were known quantities, they didn't have any illusions about him, hell they knew him better than he knew himself he bet. Psych reports, physicals, and observation reports were all the rage these days, and they had them in spades. No, this was a pleasant feeling, more worried he'd make a fool of himself than anything else. Pushing the button next to the door, he waited and smiled.

"Just hope Asuka is alright at home," Shinji shifted the bag he was holding. Maya had told him not to bring anything, but he couldn't help it. He was invading somebodies home, he had to bring an offering less he upset them! Everybody always wanted something, even if it was small. So he had some bottles of juice. Shinji didn't know what happened to Asuka today, but he did know of the rumors and tried to dispel them as best he could. Nobody listened though, not to him. It was better to believe the beautiful girl turned you down because she was something dirty, not because you weren't her type.

Opening the door, Maya floored the young man by her choice in relaxing attire, "Oh, Shinji-kun you're here a little earlier than expected. Come in." She was in a pair of tan shorts and a light fitting black t-shirt, which accentuated her petit body quite marvelously. Leading the lad into the apartment, she moved about in her element. A few shelves of random computer parts and tools, bookshelves full of tech manuals and a few paperback novels, and just a sense of being lived in. Leading him to the living room, "Make yourself at home, Shinji-kun, I have cable if you want to watch something. I'm hoping Ritsuko-sempai will be here soon too. Food is cooking, so I'll tend to that while you relax."

"S-sure," Shinji wasn't used to this side of Maya. Back at Misato's or at Nerv she was far more reserved and closed off. But her, in her own home, Maya really let her hair down it seemed. He liked that, seeing her openly smile, he liked it a lot. Sitting on the plush couch, he set the bag of drinks on the coffee table and saw a flash of motion. "I brought some juices. I didn't know what type Ritsuko-san or you prefer so I've a couple," he called out. More motion, a flash of white from the chair to chair. "D-do you have a cat or something?" it looked like a mammal.

No response from Maya, just the droning of the news woman going on about the losses in the United States. Rolling off the couch, on his hands and knees, Shinji inched closer to where he last saw motion. "What is that," he muttered. Being here, it helped keep his mind off other things. God did he need to relax, why he agreed to it. Kensuke was too wrapped up with Chidori, and Touji…he didn't want to talk to Touji. "Did he or didn't he?" Shinji stopped his pursuit. Since the hospital they really hadn't spoke, Shinji's confidence dropped. Did Touji sleep with Rei or was it just paranoia? Rei wasn't making it easy as she was always seen with somebody else, somebody even said they saw her with a teacher.

A chattering squeak broke Shinji from his mulling as it rushed him. Fluffy and long, a tube of flesh covered with fur and a rodent like face. It rushed him and dove at his face. Flinching and falling to his side with a hard crash, Shinji let out a cry as the animal attacked. If attack is what you call crawling up on his chest and prancing about. "A ferret? Maya-san you have a ferret?" Shinji called as he lay on his back. Cute little thing, he reached out to pet it, but stopped as it noticed him and stalled.

"Oh yeah, seems you met Camo," Maya peeked her head out from the kitchen. A streak of white marring her face, flour or sugar. Dusting her hands off on her apron, she joined Shinji and sat down in her leather chair. Plucking the ferret off the fallen boy, "He's a pest most of the time, but makes great company when nobody else is here." She put the pet on her lap, who quickly curled up in his master's lap, and turned the news off and a DVD on. "So what is on your mind, Shinji-kun, was a little shocked to see you with Soryu this afternoon. Something going on?" she didn't sound bothered more intrigued.

What did he tell her about his problems, he didn't want to bother him with his issues. But wasn't that part of why he was here? Sitting up and leaning against the couch he kept to the floor, "I don't know how much you know already," he let the fact he knew they were being spied on linger. A twinge in his back made him sit up higher, "But lately at school Asuka's been the focus of a few nasty rumors. Not the normal type of rumor either, add that to the fights she's been having with Misato-san. She's been having a few bad days." An understatement to be sure, but Asuka wasn't letting him in to help her. He wanted to, but he wouldn't push her. Pushing Asuka was the same as pushing a boulder uphill.

"We've heard. Section-2 takes a careful watch on everything," Maya opened the bag Shinji brought. Pulling out a bottle of lemonade, orange juice, and she hummed pleasantly at the pineapple juice she set them all in a row. Opening the pineapple she took a swig right from the bottle, manners be damned, "Teenagers can be exceptionally cruel at times. But how are you doing? Haven't talked since your last test. Things with Tachibana going better?"

A ring at the door preempted Shinji's response. With one raised finger, Maya was off the chair and bounding to the door to answer. Alone with his thoughts again, same as he always felt lately, Shinji just watched Camo snuggle into the chair. Maya had a lovely apartment. Nice television, movies, but all the tech bits were a little unexpected, though given Maya's job it wasn't out of place. "Sakura," he felt the pain swell already. He was starting to like her, he really was starting to like her. He balled his fists and sulked, "I bet she doesn't come back though."

"Bet who doesn't come back, Maya and you have a fight already?" Ritsuko asked as she set a bag on the table. Taking off her lab coat, she folded it and tossed it over the back of Maya's couch. Showing off her nylon covered legs that went right up to that black skirt she wore, Ritsuko sank into the couch and sighed almost unseemly. "Maya I love this couch, should get one myself," she watched the mousy woman walk to the kitchen, that same little smile on her face, "What's up Shinji-kun?"

Ritsuko had really good hearing! Shinji hadn't even heard her approach and yet she heard his little bout of depression. "I think Sakura-san isn't coming back. Why else would her father ask her to leave the city rather than come to visit," twice stung Shinji shrugged a little and hoped his eyes stayed clear. Ritsuko's hand on his shoulder comforted him, she knew the same pain didn't she, helped him open up just that little bit. "I wasn't sure, but I was starting to trust her again, actually like her. She's a bit…overzealous I guess, but she was a good person. And she's going to leave me again," pessimism was always hanging over him.

Laughing a little, Ritsuko opened her bag and pulled out the same type of juice just different brands. "You don't get to catch a break do you, Shinji-kun. And you've a keen mind as always, shame," Ritsuko just patted his shoulder a few more times. Relaxing into the couch she took the open bottle of pineapple juice and drank it like Maya had. "Was it fun while it lasted? Relationships…don't let the two you've had spoil you on them," she tapped the bottle against his neck and let it slide into his lap.

At first Sakura had been a real pest. Telling him she didn't like him and carving his hopes to tatters, then causing issues for Rei and him. After Rei…changed Sakura had been upfront and forcing herself in his face. "She promised she wouldn't hurt me again, she promised," but she was going to and he knew she was going to. Everybody did in the end, why he risked getting close must have meant he was an idiot. Opening the bottle he looked at it knowing both Ritsuko and Maya drank from it…silly notion. Indirect kiss? Why should that bother him now, not after all he had done with Rei and had done to please Sakura? He drank from it, nice and tart, tasted like Sakura's lower lips.

"Cake should be done in about an hour, but supper is done. You two want to eat here or…I don't really have enough chairs at my table for three," Maya sheepishly admitted. The live of a bachelorette didn't require a lot of seats. Gathering all the bottles, she snickered, "You two have the same mannerisms it's cute. Going to put these in the fridge and bring out the plates. Guess we'll eat here. Get a movie started." She bagged up the juice and took them with her.

Hunkering down on the ground next to Shinji, Ritsuko scooted under the table and gestured Shinji to join her. "Other people ARE pain, Shinji-kun. Never forget that, but it isn't all bad either. Look at us here. Any pain here? No, just…just friends. Unless you don't want to be friends with an old woman that accidentally broke your lunch box," she was almost fragile, ghostly.

"You're not an old woman, Ritsuko-san, not at all," Shinji felt better. She was right, not all people were bad. This woman at his side, he truly wished for her happiness more and more. How much did she do for others than went unnoticed or underappreciated? Against his better judgement, Shinji did something he had done back at the hospital and wrapped an arm around her waist and hugged her softly. "Thank you, thank you both," Shinji corrected when Maya arrived with the food, "I know I'm just a kid…but you're humoring me like this. T-thank you so much."

Flanking Shinji, Maya just shoulder bumped him and laughed. "You're not a kid, Shinji-kun. Anybody that goes through what you have can't be considered a child," she admonished him like a teacher would. Sliding plates over to her fellow diners, the trio fell into silence. He had died, if they wanted to accept it or not, and he had killed. No, he wasn't the normal fourteen year old. "Now let's have some fun and leave the wolf out the door for the night. Put some vodka in our drinks Sempai, but none for you right now unless you ask Shinji-kun," she hit the play button on the player again.

They all clinked their plastic cups together with a rousing cheer and fell into eating. It was good, Shinji had to admit. Maybe she put to much garlic in, but not having to cook was its own reward. Aware that not only Ritsuko but Maya had a certain smell about her, Shinji did his best to keep it out of his mind. It reminded him of his time with Sakura, how she would have that musk about her when they sat together. Oh they would try to keep the plan of studying or movies…but then Sakura always started necking and before he knew it he was between her legs in one way or another. Sakura smelled of wanting, but what was it here?

Shinji never did find out what exactly was on their minds that night, but it didn't matter. Two movies, first was with supper and the second with dessert. Maya and Ritsuko continued to drink, but not to levels that worried Shinji as Misato's did. Now that did make Shinji nervous, Misato was always gone, stressed, drinking, or fighting with Asuka. Nothing he could do seemed to help her now, Misato was just pulling away. But for this evening he relaxed with his friends, his new friends. As ten o'clock was rolling around, Shinji helped Maya take Ritsuko to her one spare bedroom to lay down.

"You could stay too if you wanted Shinji-kun. Ya didn't drink with us, you should have too," Maya gushed just a little to hard. She had hit the vodka quite hard, and she had a half laden look about her as her head wobbled. Falling lightly into him, Maya left her hand on his chest to steady herself. Looking back at Ritsuko's sleeping form, "I love her, Shinji-kun, you're the only person I've told besides her. Poor sempai keeps getting hurt by people. I'm sick of it, want to be there for her, help her. You to, both of you…" A warm smile and a soft touch, Maya lead Shinji to the door and gently pushed him out, "Till next time, Shinij-kun."

Warmth spread through Shinji in equal measures to the terror. What did Maya mean by that, nothing more than likely. The sense of her hand on his chest permeated him, warmed his heart. But Maya in love with Ritsuko, which made Shinji feel alleviated! Somebody that cared about her and wouldn't hurt her, just what Ritsuko needed! Heading back to the apartment, Shinji hoped it went well for them, and did him good to think Maya wanted to be his friend and wasn't just being forced into it. As he walked though, he heard things. Cans being hit, papers crushed underfoot, all the signs of being followed. Those good feelings slowly seeped out of him as those steps got closer.

Picking up the pace, he saw the lights of his building coming into view, thank the gods. The light in his apartment was out, but Rei's now Asuka's was on. He'd stop by and talk to her, see if it was just the rumors getting to her or something else. "Maybe she's ready to talk now," he hoped she was. It pained him to see her so soft, but he just didn't know what to say to her. One wrong word or phrase and she'd shut him out completely, then were would either of them be?

"Ikari Shinji-kun," a voice as soft as the wind wafted up and caressed Shinji's ear. As Shinji's hand reached out to grab the door handle to the stairwell, he felt a soft grip latch around his wrist. Something he had felt so many times before, had dreamed of happening again, and yet it felt wrong. Gently and unyielding, "I've been wanting to talk to you for awhile now."

That voice, he'd heard it so oft in private that it was ingrained in his heart, and it could still make it leap like a jackrabbit. Turning around, that grip still holding him and refusing purchase, "A-Ayanami-san, what are you doing out so late? S-shouldn't you be back at the base?" He felt the door press against his back as Rei pressed in closer. The moonlight was causing her skin to glow, her hair waved in the night breeze, still so beautiful. But she wasn't the same, she wasn't the same woman he knew, even if she looked the same. "W-what can I do for you?" he had to swallow back his emotions.

"You smell right, you look right, and you feel…" Rei took his hand and grazed it against her cheek. Oh how she swooned into that touch. In one bold step she was almost molding herself against him and the door. "Oh you feel right to. Only have to test it out. I've been told we were together before. Well not you and me, but you and the other one," her face tensed up, a nervous spasm. Wrapping her hands around his neck, she pulled it closer to hers, "So want to go up to that apartment and find out?"

This didn't make sense, what was Rei talking about with 'other one'? She said something like this before, about being the third…or the first or…his head hurt thinking about it. "Look, it's late Ayanami-san. How about we talk about this in the morning alright? And I'm with Sakura-san now," even if she wasn't coming back. Rei, his Rei was gone, and this imposter before her was NOT the girl he had loved. "Anyway, I keep hearing about you being with other guys. L-like Touji, so why care about me?" he baited and wondered if she'd confirm or deny it.

"Oh, Suzuhara, he was close to it. Not the biggest, but he lasted longer than others. Size I learned doesn't matter as much as…well I don't know. Something is missing, something doesn't complete those memories I was force fed," Rei rubbed her forehead against Shinji's. Licking her lips she lightly tapped her them to Shinji's, "Oh…that feels…it feels like it might be."

A bang on the glass door of the stair well started both of them. "What the fuck are you doing here Ayanami?" Asuka was standing there with her arms crossed and a look of pure malice. Forcing the two apart, Asuka shoved Rei back before glaring at Shinji, "I wait for you and this is what I find? You being attacked by Wonder-Whore? Get out of here, or I'll call Frau Katsuragi."

"Till next time," Rei kissed her fingers and blew a kiss to Shinji. With a wink the girl literally skipped down the street into darkness.

Falling to his knees, Shinji had no strength left in his knees, "What the hell is that. Rei-chan was never so-so." He couldn't finish, not that he needed to. Asuka knew it too. That girl was far to removed to be considered the same girl. Asuka helped him off and they went back to her apartment. Finding that Asuka was watching a violence filled action movie, Shinji fell into the couch. Finding Asuka had secured some of Misato's heavier stuff, he did join her in a drink. They didn't have school, and Asuka's tests weren't till later. They finished the bottle, but didn't talk, neither wanted to. They woke with Shinji on the floor and Asuka on the couch.

X-X

Scratching his stomach through his flimsy shirt, Kensuke stared bleary eyed at his laptop screen. Early Sunday morning wasn't the best time for him to check his normal internet haunts, but it was the only time he had. "I've missed so much," he adjusted his glasses but the image still was blurry. Damn, going to need a new pair soon with a stronger prescription. Emails were piling up, and not many were spam. Opening a few he read things he used to expose now being lorded over him for missing it. 'Nerv America missing', 'Unit-04 gone,' and the one that got his heart going was 'Unit-03 to be moved to Nerv-Japan'.

"I wonder if this is true though," the hacker muttered as he went over more emails. Oh he had the customary requests from classmates asking for the questions to tests, a few for pictures, and a very few asking about Chidori and his relationship. He accepted that, the fact that many wouldn't believe he was actually dating Chidori. Laughing a little as he opened a few of the enclosed photos, "I still don't believe it. But she seems honest about it."

A relationship with his childhood friend, how cliché was that, not that he was upset by it. Quite the opposite in face, he was enjoying being with Chidori. It was taking a toll on his private life though, it was wrecking it by the looks of these pictures. The Nerv base in Nevada was just a hole in the ground, and that meant Unit-04 was gone as well. His jaw just hung open as he flipped through the attachments. So much lose, so much destruction, and he just now found out about it. "Chidori, you're killing my name," he was still grinning like an idiot though.

"I can tell Shinji, but I'm thinking Touji would just get upset," Kensuke sent off a few response comments. Logging into his underground forums, where those spying on Nerv went to trade information, he was amazed at the lack of buzz. "More of us have been caught," he quickly logged of that site. It was likely monitored, so the longer he stayed the likelihood of trace was far greater. Going to more pedestrian sites he loved to waste time at, "Wonder if I'm doing it right, or if she's faking."

Chidori had been the one to peruse more physical aspects of the relationship, mainly because Kensuke had been leery. His childhood had always been one to be driven by whims and popular opinion, and Kensuke was oft dragged along. Kensuke had seen Chidori change her hairstyle, talk about the type of guys that was considered popular, and he had been there when she had her first foray into the land of the carnal. Now to hear her crying out for him, it was hard to believe but Chidori never lied to him before.

"And we do it enough," Kensuke looked down at his shorts and just shook his head. Was that why guys kept trying to date her, but she never said much about it. Probably for the best, thinking of Chidori with other guys had never been a really 'happy' place in his memories. Surfing more sites, a few video game ones and one order for more SD cards later, he shut his laptop and eyed his phone. Maybe he should call Touji or Shinji, try doing something with them. Chidori had monopolized all his time lately, "And I should tell Shinji about the whole Asuka encounter."

Asuka on a good day was something Kensuke wanted to take pictures of yet stay away from, a bad day he didn't want to be near her. Girl was scary when angry, and she was getting progressively angrier as each day passed. "And Chidori is making that girl angrier," Kensuke hoped it didn't get out of hand. But with Asuka, if you weren't Shinji, it was likely to get to bad fast.

"Hey, you ready to go out today?" Chidori just walked into Kensuke's room clad in some of her nicer clothing. Picking up one of the plastic robot models Kensuke had on the shelf, she adjusted the arms and set it down in a provocative pose with another mech. Sitting on the bed next to Kensuke's desk, "It's Sunday, and after that crap yesterday I want to go out and have some fun. So get that scrawny butt of yours up and get ready."

Dropping his phone with a clatter on top of his ceiled computer, Kensuke's shoulders were taught. "How did you get in Chidori, you left your keys here!" Kensuke grabbed Chidori's fluffy keychain and held them out. Thank god he didn't have anything up that she'd disagree with. Whenever he had put a poster of a model or something on the wall she was always there to mock him for it. Tossing the keys over to her, he got up and shuffled his barefoot on the shag carpet to the closet. Looking for something good, "What did you want to do?"

"Your dad let me in as he was leaving. And I want you to take your top off and show me those scrawny yet alluring abs of yours," she teased as she flopped on his bed. Rolling around on his unmade blankets she snickered as Kensuke bristled. "Oh get off it Ken, you are attractive! Not bombastic like other guys, but I like that about you," she clarified.

Changing fast, Kensuke felt an odd thrill at doing it. Knowing he was being watched by her, not that she hadn't seen him in less, he still felt himself respond. "You keep saying that, maybe I'll believe it someday. Did you want me to call anybody else up?" Kensuke wasn't opposed to double dates now. If somebody else made the choices he didn't have to worry about picking the wrong place. He had NO idea about dating, and now he was with a highly sought after girl. He knew what Chidori liked doing in private, but what about in public?

"Sakura's off seeing her dad about something. She's such a doting little girl when it comes to that pruned old man," Chidori rolled off the bed. Draping her arms around Kensuke's shoulder's, she nuzzled cheek to cheek. After mussing his hair, "And the other girls would be tempted to take you from me so I'm good with just us today. Mind if I pick where we go? I want to get a new swimsuit."

Oh thank the heavens he didn't have to make any choices. Buttoning up his shirt, he fixed his glasses, "Thought you didn't want to be seen with just me in public. Bad for you image," he wasn't even upset by that. Chidori had been like that since puberty hit and the guys came calling. Grabbing his wallet, he had a little money to pay for things thanks to some photo sales, he popped open his phone. Maybe he'd call Touji or Shinji later, they'd understand.

Pushing him out the door by the shoulders, Chidori checked her own phone for a moment. "I've been thinking about that. And…I don't care anymore about that. Why do I care what other guys think, I'm with you now," a rarity for her she was serious. When Kensuke just stared gob smacked, she flicked his forehead hard, "Don't give me that look Ken, I can show I care. And it wasn't fair to you. I mean if I flirt with guys without meaning it, it means you could do the same. Don't want that at all."

"You overthink my worth, Chidori, I'm not in any danger of being led astray," Kensuke rolled his eyes. More Chidori melodrama, but she wouldn't be her if she didn't act out. Locking the door as they left, he did have one little thing to say as they made their way, "Chidori, about yesterday. I think you need to lay off Soryu a little. I've seen her mad before, and what you're little secret war is doing is far worse than I've seen before."

Shielding her eyes from the sun, Chidori made a few over exaggerated steps taking her leg fully horizontal. Damn, she knew he was a leg man and she was flashing hers at him. "I can handle that Prima Dona. She's all bluff and bullshit, don't worry about her," yet there was a tremor there. Girls had a different code to live by. Guys would just hit each other, Touji and Shinji were proof of that, but girls were a different type of evil. "So let's not ruin the day by talking about her," she warned just once.

"You got it, just wanting you safe is all," Kensuke didn't agree with Chidori at all. Asuka had done some nasty things to people when she was just miffed at them. The pure unbridled hatred Kensuke saw there was freighting. Putting it out of his mind, Kensuke just Chidori's mood take over and went with the flow. Shopping for her suit went longer as she HAD to show off all the ones she liked and he had to give his opinion. Such a tease! In the end they settled for two, one that was NOT for public eyes and the other was an oddly cut one-piece. Holding her bag, as expected, "Want to get some lunch?"

Watching a few other shoppers, girls younger than her, Chidori unconsciously stepped closer to Kensuke. "Yeah we can get…Ken am I crazy or is that Ayanami?" Chidori pointed at somebody already at the food court. A mop of unruly blue hair sat with two other guys, she looked bored while they were animated. "Damn she has gotten weird since Shinji-kun dumped her. Let's go somewhere else, don't want her coming over and starting anything," using herself as a shield, Chidori lead them away.

"Shinji said she has some odd type of amnesia. But I agree. It's odd to see her so different than she used to be. Before the accident I…" Kensuke swallowed hard as Chidori stopped him. She yanked him hard, it actually hurt, "Hey I told you when you were dating Akito that I thought she was cute back then. Not my type but…what?!" Was this something he wasn't supposed to have anymore, memories of girls he thought were attractive? Why was she being so defensive about this? He sure as hell wasn't going to get angry if she saw other people like that.

But she had that irritated twitch, her 'I'm going to open a can on you' look, and as she opened her mouth to unleash the fury, her phone rang. "You're in for it cheater, you just wait," she held a finger out as she flipped open her phone, "What is it Sakura, on a date with Ken. Hey-hey calm down, calm down" That irritated look evaporated as her hand clawed into Kensuke's shoulder and concern wormed into her voice.

Listening to Chidori's half of the conversation, Kensuke was not liking what he was hearing. This wasn't fair, it wasn't right! After all the crap they did for that girl, all the underhanded tactics and 'helping' they did for her and then this? Sakura was so loud over Chidori's phone Kensuke could hear her sobbing uncontrollably. "Damn it, who is going to tell Shinji?" he had a suspicion.

"One second Sakura, one second, I've got to talk to Kensuke real quick," Chidori covered the receiver and groaned loudly. Yanking the phone away from her she squeezed it hard and stomped her foot in a wonderful show of maturity. Hitting the mute button, "Ken, you heard right? Sakura's dad isn't letting her come back. He cancelled her ticket and closed her accounts. I've got to calm her down, could you tell Shinji about this? Try to make it sound as if it's only temporary or something, alright?"

Yeah exactly as he expected it to be, he nodded and pulled his phone out. Holding up her bag, he didn't know if she wanted to take them or get them later, she waved him off. Guess he got to walk around alone with a bag from a woman's clothing store, if he cared about his image he'd be livid. His phone felt infinitely heavy in his hand as he pulled it out. For a moment Kensuke wished Sakura was there so he could deck her right in the face. He didn't like the idea of hitting a girl, but this would be an exception. "We all but forced him to date her, and once he does she pulls this shit!" he started to panic.

Shinji was going to be either upset, sad, or livid he HAD to be! Kensuke would be. And now he had to call Shinji up and tell him the wonderful news. Couldn't he leave it be, let that mind-wrecker do it herself. But Chidori asked him to, and he did want to help her so… He called, and when the line picked up, "H-hey Shin-man what's up? B-busy?" Great start, really smooth.

"Not at all, just cleaning the apartment in peace," Shinji sounded tired and maybe a little irritated. Having his Sunday routine broken into by outsiders was almost a sacrilege. But Shinji just couldn't display his anger, "Need something?"

Finding a nice out of the way buss stall, nobody in it and he could have privacy, Kensuke summed his courage and just went into it. "Dude, Chidori got a call from Sakura. I don't know the whole of it but she was crying. Nearly a breakdown I think. Apparently her dad called her back as some sort of trap. Cancelled her train ticket and closed her private bank accounts. She's not coming back anytime soon. So it'll be a long distance relationship for you two for awhile," Kensuke did his best to candy coat it. Shinji didn't use a computer that often and wasn't big on the phone, so…pen-pals? When he didn't hear anything, "Shin-man you hear that?"

"I heard you," Shinji said and was silent for a few moments then a shuddering sigh. "I heard you, Kensuke. I'll call her in a little while. Hopefully she's calmed down," no emotion, just blank reciting.

Sitting down, bent forward and rested his elbows on his knees, "Want me to come over man? Want to come over to my place and talk about it? We pushed this on you hard, and now this shit happens, you mad at us?"

A small crash, a glass falling on the ground, Shinji's voice didn't indicate anything wrong, "I'm good for now. Think I want to be alone for right now. I'm sure Sakura-san will want to try working something out. But with how her father is, I'm thinking she'll find it harder than she's willing to try." Sakura was quite weak willed and they all knew it.

"Well if you want to talk later, just call me alright? Sorry again to be the one to tell you this, and sorry for even…well everything man," Kensuke bitterly hung up the phone. Chidori, she was the one responsible for this again, and he helped as always. Just looking at that tiny plastic device in his hand he had to wonder, was it worth it? Life was easier when Chidori was just the girl that would ask for homework answers, food, and random talks. When she was a friend and not relying on him for so much and now his girlfriend. "I'm going home," he didn't feel like doing anything right now. He didn't expect a call from Shinji, and he didn't get it.

X-X

"The American's demand they get to make Unit-03 and 04, and now they're shoving 03 onto us. How funny is that?" Misato balled up some reports and threw them. It was mind boggling how much paperwork saving the world required! Hand off of property, changing ownership, and hundreds of others were waiting for her signature. Balling up another wasted piece of paper, she tossed it at Makoto's head, "You almost done over there?"

It bounced off the backside of his head and he tensed, "Almost Katsuragi-san. All the legalize is nearly finished. But if we lost our entire building in some sudden black hole, I think we'd be leery of keeping the Eva's around." Picking up the paper, the man unwrapped it and smoothed it out and added it to his stack. Leaning back in his chair, going so far as to almost topple it, "What are we going to do WITH unit-03 when we get it? We only have three pilots."

"Marduk is sending us another pilot," Misato bit back her disgust. There was not Marduk group that chose the pilots. It was a lie, another damn lie! How much of this organization was based on lies and deception! They must have thought she was either an idiot or a blind follower to not question the potential pilots. Both of Shinji's friends were top candidates, she didn't buy that bullshit that their few minutes in the plug meant a damn thing! Grumbling she scribbled, "And she said all they did was mess things up back then." What was Ritsuko's deal?

Plopping down next to Misato, Shigeru handed off a pile of reports, "What was a mess?" The long haired man had a stack that rivaled Misato's in width yet his were all complete. Lucky bastard wasn't forced to do all the extra work Misato was!

"Asuka," Misato covered quickly, when in doubt blame Asuka. "She's been complaining about Shinji-kun and his girlfriend around the apartment," she quickly made up a story. With all her spy work, Misato hadn't had much time around the apartment lately. Finding the right time to access certain computers, shift changes in the guards to get into unused parts of the base it all took time. Shinji understood, thank the gods for that boy, as he kept her food ready and her drinks handy when she DID get home.

Picking her head up from her workstation, Maya's head tilted queerly, "What are you talking about Katsuragi-san?" Nimble girl was up and around the desks they used for communal offerings to the gods of paperwork. Something about Maya just screamed disbelieving, "You can't be talking about Tachibana."

"Of course I'm talking about that little rich girl. Ayanami is still up brain fucked creek," Misato didn't want to talk to Maya. Girl was just to persistent and prying. Ritsuko might stand for crap like that, but Misato wasn't wanting busybodies sticking their nose where it wasn't wanted. Feeling just a bit of shame, Misato spread her legs open just enough to get Makoto's opinion, she was going to ask him to help with her stack. "You should see those two around the apartment. You'd never expect a prime and proper girl like that to be so…fawning," Misato needed to guide this talk to end it fast.

Not believing it, Maya's brow wrinkled, "But she's been gone since Sunday last week. Didn't you know that?" Her arms crossed, Maya just hovered over Misato judging and observing everything. Tapping her foot hard on the ground, Shigeru and Makoto now paying more attention, "That's why Sempai and I have been talking with him when he's been on base. Helping him cope with things"

"Why are you two helping a teenager deal with a breakup?" Makoto asked. He put his hands behind his head and rocked in his chair. Balancing a pencil between his lips and nose, Makoto idly reached over to Misato's work and grabbed a few pages. Lighter and joking, "Not getting sweet on him are you?"

Last Sunday? Sakura's been gone for five days and she didn't notice? Damn! Misato's heart started beating, she would look horrible if that were true. "Nothing wrong with it if she is, Makoto," Misato assured. Panic laced through her like electricity, numbing her limbs and making her mind frazzled. Shinji was her ward, she was responsible for his wellbeing AND she had even pushed him towards that Tachibana girl. And the girl was gone now and she didn't know it? Lies, Maya didn't know for sure, she was just being nosy and going off rumors as usual. "You never did say how your little double date with Shinji-kun went, Maya. Was he to much for Ritsuko and you?" she NEEDED this topic to change. She had to much going on in her life to have child negligence be added to it!

"Akagi and you had a date with the Third Child?" Shigeru grabbed some of Misato's work as well. All for one and one for all, since they were all tied to the work anyway. "I thought you…no offense Maya, I always thought you had a thing for Akagi," he tugged the pen from behind his ear and started writing.

Maya hugged herself and quickly headed back to her computer, not enjoying her time as center of attention. "I don't know what you're talking about. I respect Sempai deeply is all. As for Shinji-kun, he's a friend. If you two actually tried talking to him you'd realize he's a very nice young man," she hid behind a stack of books and tried to become as small as possible.

Listening to Shigeru trying to patch up any hurt feelings his allegation might have brew up, Misato let out a sigh of relief. People were just as easy to manipulate as chess pieces if properly used. "Just how much have I been missing?" Misato didn't want to know. Gathering up what remained of the work not already taken by the others. "Think I'll finish this at home. I can't relax here, and thinking of dealing with a third Eva is making me testy. See you guys tomorrow," she waved and made for a quick escape.

"Katsuragi-san," Makoto destroyed that hope for an effortless escape, "Aoi-chan wants another night out. You feeling up for it this weekend?" The start-up test for Unit-03 was going to be coming up soon and that meant private time was going to be even slimmer.

All eyes on her, would she join her forces in some revelry before they were thrown to the wolves? She had to, if she didn't they'd be upset and not try hard enough. "Sure, just give me a call with the details," she waved them off and hurried to her car. Damn it! She wanted to actually spend SOME time with Shinji and Asuka. Make sure they were doing alright, had no issues, and tease Shinji some. Now she was going to have to watch Makoto's girlfriend paw at him, and the expense of time and money to the bar! "When did that change? Me not liking going to a bar," she didn't know, but suspected the growing ulcer she had could attest.

Distance, the emotional distance between her and others was no longer measured in inches but miles. "I need to get my mind off of this, it'll eat me alive," she hoped it was possible. Weaving through traffic, horns blared and people hurled obscenities at her, but she didn't hear or care. Ritsuko knew things, Kaji knew things, and yet they didn't tell her. Slamming on the brakes, her car spun expertly into place and she just sat there. Leaning against the steering wheel, still warmed from her hands, she just let out a rattling breath. So much stress, so much worry, and she had so few she could trust with it.

"I can trust Shinji though," Misato forced herself out of the car and left the paperwork behind. It could wait, she had family to tend to if Maya was right. "But why didn't he tell ME if he is having issues?" she bit her thumb as she made her way to the apartment. So many reasons for that too, her mind was rushing in circles. Kicking her shoes off once she reached the comfort of home, "Shinji-kun I'm home a little early. Not doing anything with your little girlfriend are you?" It was Friday and she get home little after school was let out.

The television answered her not anybody inside. Walking through she found one set of shoes, Shinji's bag in the living room, and the television set to playing classical music. "Shinji-kun you home?" she sang out a little. Teasing Shinji was a good relaxant and helped him drop the walls a little. Chopping from the kitchen got her attention, she peeked around the corner and saw her boy cooking, "You ignoring me, Shinji-kun?"

"What? OH! Misato-san you're home early. Sorry, I didn't hear you, just thinking," Shinji turned and rubbed his hands against his apron. With a quick twist he lowered the heat on the stove and shuffled away from the heat to find a perch by the sink. Coughing a little forcefully, "Something wrong, Misato-san, you said you worked till five."

Oh damn it Maya was right wasn't she, Misato could tell by his body language. Shinji couldn't hid his emotions for the life of him, they radiated out of him once you knew where to look. And Misato knew just where to observe to see the subtle outflow. Moving to give him a hug, Misato was stunned when Shinji side stepped her and circled, nervously. "Something wrong, Shinji-kun? Something with Sakura," she hated being this way with him, but he'd hide if given the chance. Turning off the stove, they'd order food tonight, "Maya told me Sakura moved. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You've been so busy. I didn't-I didn't want to bother you with it," Shinji just stood there with his back to her and head down. His shoulders, those thin little things jerked as his arms comically hitched up. His voice warbling between frantic and fear, "You get home late, drink more, and you've been at Asuka's throat. I figured you have something big that is stressing you out, I couldn't add to that. And it's not like…not like I expected Tachibana to stay around long. I should have just stayed away from her."

Hedgehogs dilemma, Ritsuko's phrase for Shinji's personality came blazing through Misato's mind. He wanted people, he wanted love, but every time he tried it just ended up for pain for him. "And I helped with that," she whispered. He had been suffering in silence to not cause her trouble. Grabbing a can of Yebisu, she stopped and grabbed another. Tapping the cold can against Shinji's cheek, "Drink up, Shinji-kun. You need to relax a little, consider it an order. And in the future, don't hide your troubles from me. You're important to me, and I want to help if I can. Even if I'm busy that doesn't mean you have to suffer alone."

"But it's better to be alone, I can't be hurt if I'm alone," Shinji took the can and just held it. Still not turning to face her, he wouldn't unless Misato forced the issue. And their they stood waiting for something to happen, and it didn't. After a few moments, Shinji put the can on the table and headed out of the room. "Supper only needs to simmer for twenty minutes before it's done. I think I'm going to have a lie down," he flicked his wrist at the stove.

What could she do for him, Misato didn't know and so she did nothing. Turning the heat back on, why waste money on food nobody would enjoy, she opened her can. "Well I sure fucked that up," she drank her brew without enjoyment. Where was Asuka during all this, shouldn't she be here? Asuka and Shinji were friends right, shouldn't they be helping each other. "Damn girl can't help anybody, even those that go out of their way for her," Misato had another reason to be upset at that girl.

Eating alone, Misato set a tray outside of Shinji's room and hoped he ate it. After she put her plates in the sink, she took a bath with her plastic friend. It felt good, but even that didn't get the thoughts out of her mind. Nerv, secrets, danger, and loneliness all swirled like the water going down the drain. "Things will change. I'll get Ritsuko to talk, and from there things can change," she just hoped it was for the better. Knowing that one of Shinji's friend was going to be tapped to be a pilot though, she had reason to doubt.

X-X

Authors notes

Hope and despair keep being added in what I'm trying for equal measures. The downward spiral of Eva's second half continues but with the new caveats for our hero/heroines. Hope you're enjoying the story and not put off by the growing dark quality, their will be light at the end so bare with it.

Ja Mata

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