Standard Disclaimer
Well I had to miss ACEN this year due to issues, which stinks. But at least I get to keep the money I would have spent and waste it on other things! So that's good. My family member is going into Surgery soon and that's got me worried so there is that too. But work is getting easier! Man…lots of back and forths!
X-X
With Nothing Else
Chapter – 17
Pacing in the hallway outside of Touji's hospital room, Asuka did her best to keep herself calm. Why was everything falling apart for her, why couldn't she recover like she always did before!? Stupid Shinji just had to go off and do the impossible like he always did! He had to save everybody again and get a sync score that she had no way of beating. "But see what happens when you go overboard, you get punished," Asuka didn't smile though. Ages past she would have gloated at that idiot getting what he deserved, but not now.
Peeking in the window on the door, Asuka watched as Hikari and Touji spoke. The bed was elevated giving Touji's body an easy profile, his lack of arm even more prominent. Growling, Asuka did not like what she was seeing. That rotten sack was holding Hikari's hand, just like Asuka expected. Now that Touji was an invalid he was all about Hikari, when in the past he sniffed at everybody else. Hikari deserved better than a cripple. Tearing herself away from window before it caused her rage to boil over, Asuka continued her pacing.
"I better give her a few days away from me though," Asuka bit her thumb. The old woman in the hallway continued to watch her with a senile smile on her face. It made Asuka sick to think of people like that, left to rot alone in a hospital. She'd rather die than worthless, but she was quickly becoming worthless. Spotting a nurse giving her a worried glance, Asuka quickly turned back to Touji's room. Best to not let them see her talking to herself, Nerv didn't need more reasons to doubt her capability. Three days since the last angel and Shinji's little shift in molecular structure, Asuka had avoided Misato's apartment.
Staying at Hikari's had kept Asuka's spirits up, but she knew it was hard on the Hokari household. They didn't have the money to feed another mouth, and they were to proud to let her help pay. Add to it how Asuka's personality clashed with the older Kodama, it was a growing maelstrom of aggravation for everybody. But seeing Misato, broken and distraught, made Asuka jealous and that made her angry. Misato would never be so upset if it was her that had the accident, stupid favoritism. Misato had Kaji and doted on Shinji like a son, and that left Asuka with the scraps. Hell, Asuka was close to Shinji anymore than major bitch!
"Acting like she's all worried but still always gone, she just wants the sympathy from everybody!" Asuka grunted under her breath. Hypocrisy was something Asuka just couldn't stand, and Misato was rife with it! Off with Kaji fucking while at Nerv hounding Ritsuko about Shinji's recovery, best of both worlds. "Well fat chance," Asuka ran her fingers through her hair to fix it. Hikari was getting up, she had tears in her eyes, poor overly emotional girl. It would end in tears, Asuka knew it, if Hikari stayed with Touji. When her friend left the invalids room, Asuka pulled a handkerchief out and handed it over, "So how did it go?"
Taking the offered article, Hikari dabbed her eyes with it and gave it back. With a sniff, "I won't lie and say it didn't go like you said it would. But he's just bitter, and rightfully so." Defending her new boyfriend was expected of the girlfriend, and they officially 'started' dating the day before. Following dutifully behind Asuka out of the hospital, Hikari signed out at the front desk, Hikari was just listless. "He said he loved me, said he was planning on asking me out before his accident but was just too nervous to do so," she spoke verbatim, just reciting things off a list.
"Did he give you answer about Katsuragi and his panty sniffing?" Asuka had to be cruel to be kind to Hikari. Where Shinji listened to Asuka's comments, Hikari was lovestruck and needed a firm hand. Stepping out into the afternoon heat, Asuka debating heading back to Nerv to practice more, but just shrugged it off. Misato would be at the base and comment on her being there, taking resources that could help Shinji more. Rather than have a fight, Asuka had taken to going to the base when Misato was gone, Misato begin gone often meant Kaji wasn't there either. Leaning forward to see Hikari's face, "Mighty convenient that he realized he loved you right before the accident but didn't say anything."
Hikari didn't say anything at first, she just hung her head and sniffed harder. Her eyes glassed over, swirls of emotion concentrating there, just waiting for that last final push to them out in a flood. But Asuka was not going to do it for her, Hikari had to make the last step herself. When it didn't come, Hikari just closed her eyes and shut those emotions back in and chained them up. "Maybe it is convenient, maybe he is lying to me…but he does need me now. Sure it might not be what I expected being with him would be like. But at least I know he needs me," Hikari was making her choice.
"If that's what you want to believe I won't stop you," Asuka held her hands up. She was through forcing issues on people, they never responded to it. Other people were just pain if given the chance, and Hikari was giving Touji the knife and her heart in both of his hands. But she could add some chaos into their lives, make them think, and she was debating this for awhile. "But just know, I think Shinji and you would work good together. When he gets back he'll need somebody, and having a whole body than just half," Asuka just shrugged.
Her inner strength returning, that fragile emotional girl was scabbing over, "You keep hinting at that, Asuka. But why? Ikari-kun is a great guy, anybody that gets your seal of approval has to be, but why don't YOU go after him?" Hikari lead the way to the train station, shifting the conversation off of her and to Asuka, she just looked desperate.
"We wouldn't work. We know each other to well, be like dating family. But I owe him, I want him happy. Just like you. I want YOU happy Hikari," Asuka gripped her friend by the wrists. She didn't mean to grab her to hard, but she didn't know her own strength. With a few onlookers waiting for the late afternoon train, Asuka drew Hikari in closer, "And can you look me in the eye right now and tell me that the cripple in that bed could make you happier than Shinji could if you gave him a chance?" Shinji would be back, Asuka knew it.
Wincing in Asuka's vice-like grip, Hikari frantically tugged to free herself, a caged animal. "Asuka let go of me, please you're…you're hurting me," she went for the sympathy act. Only Asuka wasn't really letting that act go to far, she let go just enough to stop the pain but kept her hands tight. Finally, Hikari relented I knowing she was trapped, and bitterly met Asuka's gaze, "I don't know, Asuka. I don't know. But I want to try. And it's my choice as to if I do or not. I don't know Ikari-kun as well as you do, I know Touji." And just like that Asuka let go.
Holding her hands up, Asuka just shook her head slowly, "If that's your choice, I hope it ends up like you want." But Asuka wasn't happy with that, more bitterness. Couldn't people realize she had good points to make, that she was smart enough to know what was the best option! But she'd not force Hikari, she'd be there when it all feel apart for Hikari though. "Think I'm going to go back to Katsuragi's to see how progress is going. Give your family some time alone," Asuka gave Hikari a wave and turned away.
"Asuka wait!" Hikari called out as the trained roared into the station, Asuka was always good with her timing. Torn between her train and her friend, Hikari let herself think of her family over her friend. As Asuka descended the stairs, "Call when you get the chance Asuka, please?"
With just a hand wave, Asuka didn't respond vocally. She'd give Hikari sometime to think. The seed was planted and maybe it would blossom or maybe it'd go to waste. Pushing too hard never helped, let people make their own mistakes, can't live their lives for them. Walking to the apartment building, Asuka just felt hallow. Nothing brought her joy anymore, and the few people that used to were either gone or…Hikari was being taken by the limbless jock. "Not that I need them though, I'm fine on my own," Asuka scowled. She was not weak like the others, she could easily live alone if she wanted.
"But I don't want…" she almost said it, almost got herself to actually accept it, but just couldn't. To say she missed Shinji, would be to invite weakness. Grinding her teeth and squeezing her fists so tight her knuckles popped, "I don't need anybody. Once my score gets higher I show all of them!" All she needed was time and determination and she'd get it! Show all of them, every last one that doubted her would be sorry! Misato would regret stealing Kaji from her, Akagi wouldn't be able to look down on her, and Chidori would just give up. Stepping out of the elevator onto her floor, Asuka's heart spiked, "What are YOU doing here?"
Woken from a doze, a tired yet clean Sakura shook her head as thought returned to her. "Oh, Soryu-kun, it's you. I was just waiting for Shin-chan to get home," the girl daintily got off the ground and fixed her kimono. Smoothing her clothing and fixing her hair, always needing to have that spoiled rich girl air about her. Holding her nose up high, "I'm sure he'll be happy to see me."
"Color me impressed that you were able to trick your father," Asuka just walked to her temporary apartment. With most of her things in the old-Ayanami apartment, she had no reason to stay at Misato's. "Did you suck off your old man to get access to his money again? I know for a fact you didn't walk here. Not with the clothing you're wearing," Asuka pulled her wallet out and got Shinji's old key. His face was on it…so she covered it with her thumb, she didn't want to see him. Her failure to stop the angel caused him to be as he was now…more failures!
Rushing over to Asuka's side as quickly as her traditional sandals and kimono would allow, Sakura proved Asuka's point expertly. The girl just couldn't move fast, and when she tried she jiggled enough to draw massive attention from all around. "I didn't do anything like that to my father! I-I lied to him about giving up on Shin-chan, and kept my promise to not email him!" Sakura's sails sank a little at the 'courage' she exuded was spent on lying.
"So you used daddy's money to hire a taxi to come here. Did you stop to think how he felt after you abandoned him again? Did you think moved on since you betrayed him again? Would you like to know who has taken up the new mantle of girlfriend since you spurned him again?" Asuka gloated as she towered over the waif. All bluster and no spine, the girl was worthless. Just a body to be used and tossed aside…like Asuka might become if she didn't get her own act together. "So why don't you just walk home and see how long it takes for some 'nice guy' to find you and offer help. And make sure to drink the whole can he offers you, sometimes the roofie is on the bottom," Asuka hated this girl. How many times had Sakura hurt others with that naive attitude of hers?
Not to be deterred so easily, Sakura stood right in front of her foe, her demure face a mask of indignation and conviction. "That is why I'm here! He said he loves me so I know he must be hurting because of my negligence! But I'm going to make it up to him, something you can't even consider. I admit I'm wrong and will do ANYTHING to make it up to him. Just you wait till he gets here," Sakura glared with a fire in her eyes Asuka thought surprising.
"Well why don't you just sit out here and wait for him to get back then. You can ask him yourself," Asuka keyed the door and left Sakura behind. Misato could deal with the girl if Asuka's budding plan failed. Pulling out Shinji's phone, she was the custodian of his things while he was in a quantum state, Asuka scanned through the numbers in the registry. Not many…far fewer than Asuka's own phone, it didn't take long till she found Sakura's. Going to her room, she booted up her computer with its convenient connection to Nerv and within a half hour had the girl's father's number. The call she left for that old fossil had been short and to the point, just where Sakura was and to come get her. "If she wants to fight for this, she has to actually fight," Asuka doubted she'd see Sakura again.
Going to the door, she peered out the peephole and saw Sakura pacing in the hallway, good let the bitch be worried. Misato could tell her Shinji's state, or let the girl freak out more thanks to Nerv's need for secrecy. It wouldn't be good for the populace to know one pilot was gone, the other almost worthless, and the third a damn freak! "Still can't believe Ayanami almost didn't obey orders," Asuka did not like thinking of that girl. Something just shifted in Ayanami on the day of that angel, and it was even more unnerving.
'I found what I've been searching for.'
What did Ayanami mean by that? Asuka wanted to know, but feared the answer all the same. Didn't help that at school she had started turning down the never ending flow of guys wanting an easy hole. And Rei put them down violently at times, Asuka had seen the frail looking Ayanami slam a boy easily fifty pounds heavier than her to the ground when he pushed. The issue was though, Rei wasn't with anybody yet said she found who she was looking for. Asuka's mind was still sharp as her prog-knife, and it wasn't hard to see who was missing from the pool.
"She won't get him while I'm still alive. No freak is going to…to…" Asuka just stopped as she heard wet slapping on the floor. Turning around, she saw Rei just standing there looking at her, dribbling water on the ground. What the fuck was Rei doing here, she had been keeping constant vigil over Unit-01! Noticing the pert breasts, the pale yet hard nipple, and the wild and untamed garden between her legs, Asuka spun around, "What the hell, Wonder-whore! You've been ordered to stay on base, this place is MINE now, so get out!"
Walking past Asuka, letting the proud German see the taught and plump rear that got many boy's attention, Rei just headed to the open bedroom door. "Akagi asked me to leave so she could try a few things and I was in the way. And as this is my place, and I'll need it again once he is free, I have no reason to not come here. You however are not welcome. Take your things and leave," Rei's tone was that oddly happy quality that was alien to those that knew the girl.
For a change, Asuka found the fight in her dimmed. Fighting with Ayanami just wasn't something she wanted to do anymore. Something just felt off about that girl, inhuman and dangerous, and Asuka was not stupid. Leaving as quickly as she came in, she passed Sakura in the hall without word and left the older girl out in the humid afternoon heat. To call Akagi and demand an explanation or not briefly flickered as an option, but she quelled that. Opening one of Misato's Yebisu she drained it and turned on the television. The apartment was trashed, didn't take Misato long to throw a temper tantrum and destroy it. An hour after she sat down she heard a shrill yell from the hallway.
"No I'm not going home! You can't make me! I made my…no! Let me go! Stop! Soryu you bitch!" Sakura's dignified voice downgraded into anger and disappointment.
Asuka waved at the girl from the veranda as a big man and woman put the woman into an extravagant car and drove off. "See you pull a stunt like that again little girl," Asuka snickered. Drinking a few more cans, she fell asleep on the couch, and woke in the morning. Misato either never came home that night, or didn't care to turn off the television. Asuka didn't care either way.
X-X
Staring at her bay of monitors, other technicians rushing about madly, Ritsuko cast a spare glance up at the suspended entry plug. Two weeks in suspended animation, two weeks of frantic planning, and two weeks of fear. Had it truly only been two weeks since the last angel? It felt so much longer than that, and Ritsuko was beside herself with that realization. This wasn't just for humanity, not just for Nerv, she…gods she felt sick even thinking it…she loved the poor lost boy!
"Akagi-san, you have a call from the commander," one of the legions of nameless assistants told her. She didn't bother learning their names, they changed daily as she didn't stop working and they burnt out. This one was a man of average height, had a scar on his chin, shaggy black hair, and a fear in his eyes. Another person that saw her veil as insanity.
Tearing herself away from her work, Ritsuko groaned inwardly. What did the man want now? With so much attention on her, she had to worry if her hidden means of sabotaging the great Scenario had been found out. "Alright. Take over for me here. Continue running the simulation and report any failures to me immediately," she pointed at her current test and headed off. The man scampered to her spot, but made sure to stay out of her range, just in case.
"You yell at one or two assistants and they all fear you," Ritsuko groaned. So the stress level was sky high right now, and her small margin for acceptable error was even smaller, but with what was at stake it should be expected. Fail now and they lose the highest scoring pilot they had for the best Eva they had. Perfection wasn't just expected it was the law! Which was why she was able to leak Kaji even more data. With so much attention on her, nobody expected her to be able to be a security leak…but those tests took time to run. While the tests were running, Ritsuko continued to feed Kaji breadcrumbs. Looking at the receiver though, her heart started to thud in her chest, "Yes commander?" she sucked in her breath.
There was a few moments of silence, Gendo stalling for power, "What is the status of the Dummy Plug and the recovery effort?" He would have to ask in that order, couldn't show his son any sort of favoritism or affection.
"Ayanami has stopped showing up for her weekly sessions. But given her current state I don't think that is a big issue," Ritsuko wanted to spend less time with Rei. Knowing that right now the girl was lurking around staring at the plug and Unit-01 unnerved the doctor. But with Gendo asking questions like this, she was still trusted which meant she hadn't been found out yet. "As for the Dummy Plug itself it is still working with Unit-00. Unit-02 is nearly repaired as is Unit-01," she told him what he cared to hear.
Again there was a pause, this time it didn't quite seem to be for control of the conversation. After an almost unheard sigh, "And the recovery effort?"
Oh, so he had the care to ask a second time, Ritsuko was stunned. "We found the files from the…last attempt at recovery and have made the recommended changes. We're running the tests through the Magi now. We have the parts on order now, should get the tools in under a week, set up will take a few days. We should be ready to try the recovery in two weeks," Ritsuko kept her voice calm. She had spent her whole life keeping her emotions in check, either to please her mother or to keep Gendo happy…now it was to keep herself safe.
Gendo didn't grace her with anything else, he just hung up leaving her waiting for words that never came. Fitting, Gendo always left her waiting didn't he? Waiting for him to confirm his feelings, waiting to finish, waiting…always waiting. But not anymore, she had moved on even if part of her would never stop waiting. Shinji was waiting for HER now, waiting for her to save him. In love with a fourteen year old war veteran, how did her life come to this? Easy, she was abused by everybody she let close to her, family and friends. Just as he was, kindred souls. So when his kindness was offered up to her freely she lapped at it. Tentatively at first, work friends, then real friends, then Maya's actions pushed the door open and now…
"Akagi-san, tests are all green. This looks like the best option we have. With the equipment being brought out of storage, is there any reason for us to stay here right now? It…it creeps us out," the man gestured to the bandaged head of Unit-01.
Staring up at that giant exposed green eye and the large teeth, Ritsuko could see the reason. "Go, I'll finish up here," she waved them off. She wasn't afraid in the slightest, but others would but turned off by the unearthly quality the bandaged head of Unit-01 had. Knowing it had a functioning S2 engine in it also would put many that knew what that meant on unease. Twirling her seat around, she sat on it and just starred up at Unit-01, "Unlimited power and a core that has shown propensity for acting like a crazed mother bear." Yui must have been a very unique woman.
Pulling a small hipflask out from the inner pocket of her lab coat, Ritsuko unscrewed the top. "Two weeks until you come back. Misato is already wearing dirty clothing so you'll be busy when you get back. Maya will be waiting for you though," Ritsuko took a swig. The brandy was smooth and burnt pleasurably down her throat. Maya and her little ultimatum, Ritsuko didn't even want to think about it. The more time she spent with both Maya and Shinji the harder it was for Ritsuko to deny it. Feelings would be the death of her. Taking another drink, "But before that we have to get you back."
"And how goes that plan?" Misato said from the doorway. Being in charge of the repairs to the command bridge, Misato had been kept from the recovery effort. Walking up to the railing, she gripped it hard and just bore down on the suspended entry plug, such worry and concern. Kaji was right at her side, yet he didn't mirror that sentiment. Not taking her eyes off the plug, "You are going to have a miracle for us again right, Rits?"
Leaning against the railing, in between Ritsuko and Misato, Kaji had an unlit smoke in his mouth. "With all the craziness going on around here lately, have to hope you have something. Two full weeks of tests, frazzled aids, and long nights and what do you have to show for it?" Kaji winked at her playfully.
"We have a plan now," Ritsuko knew that look from Kaji. It wasn't earnest, Kaji was on the defensive and was overly protective of Misato. Poor man wasn't as good a spy as he thought he was, not against one of Ritsuko's intellect. With the rumors of her going around though, Ritsuko doubted Kaji would trust her. Hence she masked her little data to him, if he knew it was from her he'd likely not trust it. Handing over her flask, in case they wanted a swig, "We found another case of this phenomena happening. Their attempt failed to save the subject, but they documented how and why it failed. Using those notes, we'll get it to work. We'll be good to try in about two weeks."
Misato's head fell forward and her hair obscured her face, shoulders bulged as her elbows blew outward. "A month of being…what will that DO to a person?" she didn't ask anybody in particular. Nobody could have answered anyway. Forcing her composure back, Misato did see Ritsuko's offer and reached over Kaji to take it. That little showing of closeness was far from missed, a month ago Misato wouldn't have let her hand be that close to Kaji now she was inches away from him. Sniffing the decanter she smiled and took a drink, "Got some time to talk, Rits? You…you said a few things during the incident…"
"So this isn't just a social call," Ritsuko should have expected it. But who was the real mastermind here, Kaji or Misato? Kaji could have put the germ in Misato's mind knowing Ritsuko would talk to the woman. Taking the flask back, she held it to Kaji who just waved it off, "You're right, I did say some odd things back during that attack. And I seem to remember you saying a few embarrassing things too?" She smiled at the woman who bashfully looked away. To think Ritsuko almost threw Misato's friendship away for a one-sided romance that just ended in pain. How would Misato feel about her new prospect though?
Pacing about the lab space, the lighting was dim so Kaji's now burning cigarette was easily noticeable. "We all said a few odd things during that. Looking in the face of an angel that was about to vaporize us makes you think clearly," Kaji was not his coy self, no this was all to the point. If allowed to wager a bet, Ritsuko would put Kaji's frazzled nerves on the German girl that was in the test plugs with Maya right now.
Leaning forward, Ritsuko tapped on the side of her head, and gave Misato a telling look about the room. The sign was obvious, the walls had ears, so she waited for the two conspirators to close in. Not seeing anybody nearby, "The Eva's are not just machines. Think of them more as cyborgs. Living creatures with machine components to augment them, make them docile. The armor serves to purposes…keep the innards safe but also force the will of the pilot on the unit and prevent it waking up." So far only Unit-00 and 01 had acted independently, and only for brief moments.
"So that's what they're synchronizing with. I was always wondering what that truly meant. All this time, we've been forcing these monsters to do our bidding, seeing it without its armor…what did they make?" Misato's face hardened. So few people realized just how sharp that mind was behind those chocolate eyes and wavy purple hair. Putting her hand on Ritsuko's shoulder, "So if he was absorbed by Unit-01, that means…who was the other salvage operation for?" Misato's mind made the jump Ritsuko feared.
Gently freeing herself from Misato's hold, Ritsuko didn't want to feel that grip harden when Misato learned. "I'm already seeing the wheels turning in that beautiful brain of yours Misato. You should have been a scientist not a tactician. The first pilot of Unit-01 was absorbed, we failed the recovery," Ritsuko wasn't going to say who that first pilot was. It was common knowledge anyway. Seeing Misato's hardened face shatter in horror and fear was enough.
"T-thanks for telling me, Ritsuko. Why don't you come over after you finish up here, looks like you could relax after all this," Misato stood up tall and smiled softly. Trying her best, as she always did, Misato would not show weakness in public.
Subtly folding a few pieces of paper into his pocket, Kaji thought he was able to do so without Ritsuko's notice. "Yeah, maybe if we're all there Asuka would relax a little. With her score as it is right now, she's a bit disappointed. Think you could tell her something to get that back up?" Kaji smoothed his slacks to cover the bulge made by the paper.
"She's on her period, so that should be causing her some problems. Glad she's on it…" Misato said in passing. If Asuka was having her monthly visitor, she wasn't pregnant. How the sex lives of the pilots became a subject of concern was a slow burn, but now it was something the command staff kept apprized of. Ayanami was off doing everything she could, Shinji had been with Rei and then that odd rich girl, and…well Ritsuko's reports on Asuka did leak and Ritsuko suspected Kaji was to blame.
Rubbing her stomach as the hunger pains came back, Ritsuko had to reluctantly break both Kaji and Misato's hopes, "Menstrual cycles have nothing to do with her scores. It's all in her head, and until she learns that all her forced training is useless." Asuka was slowly making herself a nuisance, and Gendo would not keep somebody that wasn't value added. Girl was a pain, but Ritsuko didn't hate her just annoyed by. Getting out of her chair and putting her empty flask away, she stole Kaji's smoke, "You two get going. If I can make it I'll call you." She wasn't going to be able to make it.
"You better, can't have you burning out. We need you here," Misato meant it, Kaji didn't when he nodded and waved. He just associated Ritsuko with Gendo, and it was hard not to.
Once they left, Ritsuko finished the smoke to give them enough time to get away before heading out. She hadn't eaten a full meal in days, and she had nothing really waiting for her at the apartment. No matter, she'd just go home, eat some instant, feed the cats, and crash. Soap, rinse, repeat. The last two weeks had been one long haze of being pulled in all directions with little to no appreciation.
"So, looks like you could use a good meal and an evening of relaxation. Think I can help with that," Maya held a bag of groceries out as she leaned by the wall next to the exit.
For a moment Ritsuko felt she was about to cry with joy, somebody waiting for her…somebody that cared. Misato did care, but her focus was Shinji first and her second. With Maya it wasn't that way…or maybe it was equal measure? "Maya I'm tired, and sore…I don't think I'll be good company," she had to be earnest. As much as she liked Maya, maybe even love the girl, Ritsuko knew her future was bleak. If Gendo go any hint of betrayal her life was forfeit, and her plans involved inevitable exposure. Destroying the tank of clones would not be something she could hide. She couldn't do that to Maya or Shinji, it would be cruel. Best for her to suffer alone, she was used to it.
"I think I can help with that too," Maya saddled up close to Ritsuko and showed no intent on leaving. Filling the air with banal conversation as they walked to the train station, Maya let Ritsuko just absorb it all. Asuka's scores were hovering just over the threshold of activation, some times higher and others lower. Makoto was having more issues with his now pregnant girlfriend who insisted on marriage. And her ferret had taken to hunting spiders and leaving them on Maya's pillow for her.
It was pointless and stupid talk, but Ritsuko loved it all the same. It was a distraction, it wasn't work, and it wasn't her mounting fears. Back at the apartment, Maya forced Ritsuko to sit on the couch as she cooked. For a moment Ritsuko was going to fight back, but it was so nice to be pampered. "Like our little dates with Shinji and you, just missing the man of the hour. I feel like I'm stealing you from him," Ritsuko said over dinner. It was just chicken teriyaki with broccoli and a nice red wine, but it was made delicious thanks to her hunger.
"I told you before, I like our arrangement of all three of us. The more time we spend together the more it…the more it feels like I'm forcing myself between the two of you," Maya sipped her wine. The television was on, talking about the Nerv recovery effort and they quickly shifted stations to a comedy show. No work tonight, just relaxing. Ritsuko needed detox and Maya was fully committed. "You two are so…similar at times, hiding away your wants," Maya moved closer. "Afraid of being to close, working so hard for everybody yet not getting the recognition you deserve," Maya set her glass down and touched Ritsuko's cheek.
The fatigue and stress coupled with the wine, Ritsuko's cheeks were flush and she found herself unable to stop Maya. "Maya…you…I'm not worth it…" Ritsuko tried fighting but Maya's feather light touch was to powerful. Maya was cute in a boyish way, and Ritsuko knew she was bi-sexual since her time with Misato in college…
"Just relax, Ritsuko-chan…you know how I feel about both of you. And right now I can help you in a way we both can enjoy. I…I don't know if I'll be very good at this…my first time with a…a woman. But I've waited so long for this evening, and I can't sit and watch you self-destruct any more," Maya closed the distance and Ritsuko didn't fight any further. Maya did her best, but her inexperience eventually led Ritsuko to take the lead. College had been an eye opener for the doctor after all. In the morning though it didn't matter, Ritsuko woke hugging Maya against her and…relented. This was what she wanted, well half of what she wanted. She'd fight to keep alive long enough to see they had a safe future together. Maya, bless her heart, made breakfast and they ate together.
X-X
Sitting at his desk just after lunch, Kensuke felt the lethargy of food and depression kicking in. Another afternoon of boring lectures with a dwindling population of students, fun never ends. And as he sat there one friend was hospitalized and another…well he couldn't say. Asuka hinted at Shinji being shipped off to some off-site test, nobody bought it. Shinji wasn't dead, but he was likely in a bed like Touji. Couldn't let the population know though, they'd panic. At least he was alive though, probably the only thing keeping Asuka from just up and smashing everybody.
"What those two have going on, I wish I knew," Kensuke muttered as the teacher continued. He didn't care about classical Japanese literature, hell the Japan in those stories didn't even exist anymore thanks to Second Impact. Looking over at Asuka, the girl just lazily looked forward with that detached gaze that bothered many. She wasn't all there, frayed, slightly mad? All Kensuke knew was she had answers, ones he'd like to have. Typing in a cautious question to Hikari he paused, "Wonder if she'd tell if I asked point blank."
Staying at that simple 'how you doing?' that sat in his open message queue, Kensuke deleted it. Hikari, didn't know how to react to her anymore. Three weeks post battle, two weeks of which Hikari had been Touji's girlfriend, and she did not look happy. Touji did, oh boy did Kensuke see a marked improvement on his bedridden friend. And that made things worse for him, as Hikari didn't look so despondent at the hospital only here. She wasn't happy, but put up a good face for Touji. Mari was asking about Touji now too, Kensuke lied and said the brave kid was busy at Nerv. Everything was falling apart wasn't it?
'You want to hit some karaoke?' Chidori's message popped on his screen. He had installed the inter-class messenger on her computer after all.
Well everything might have been an exaggeration, Chidori and his relationship was still solid and blooming. Smiling despite the gloom surrounding him, he couldn't help but reply with affirmative. His girlfriend had been pissy the last few days, not his fault, but she didn't say what it was. So doing something to help her improve her mindset was good, and well…Chidori liked to use the rooms for more than just singing.
Her emoticon laden message of a winking girl flashing the thumbs up was her response, and Kensuke nearly got spotted as he let out a single laugh. The old man turned, looked over the room, then lazily returned to his recounting. Hikari noticed though and scowled, once a class-rep always a class-rep, even if in a floundering relationship.
"S-should I tell her?" Kensuke shielded his eyes from Hikari. Maybe it wasn't his business, so why make it so? But Touji had accidentally slipped with a little information that was more than Kensuke ever wanted to know. Touji wasn't going to get his limbs back. No Nerv miracle cure in the works, no surgery other than plastics awaited the jock. An invalid for life, barring some other medical breakthrough. Hikari had to know, right? Touji would have told her.
Forcing such thoughts out of his mind, favoring a nice little daydream about Chidori and he just leaving Tokyo-3 for America, Kensuke let the school day drift. His computer skills, a little rusty but still good, could earn them enough money to live off of. Staying in Tokyo-3, well that was losing its luster. Dreams of being an Eva pilot had been squashed, it was a two-step process with the left foot named Touji and the right Shinji. Hard to make something seem brave and awesome when everybody involved was either an empty husk or a broken one. No, being a pilot wasn't something he romanticized anymore.
"Stand, bow," Hikari announced to the school room which erupted into a general chaos. Students bounced out the door as fast as possible, except for the unfortunate that Hikari called for cleaning duty.
Not being one of those few, Kensuke set his things in his satchel and shook the fugue out of his head. Spacing out for half a day of class, not his best moment but it could have been worse. "Now do I talk to her or…" Kensuke just wasn't brave enough for it. Let Hikari be happy, if she was, with Touji and keep her inner trouble to herself. It wasn't his place to butt his head if it wasn't wanted.
"Hey Aida, over here," Asuka's voice cut through the dull throng of voices. Leaning against her desk, she just gazed out over at Ayanami. Always watching, but never interacting with the girl anymore even in the slightest. Once Kensuke submitted to Asuka's demand, she gave him a passing glance, "You talk to Suzuhara. You want that for Hikari in the future? Think that will make her happy?"
Spotting sunken eyes and frayed hair, Kensuke wasn't able to keep his shock away. The once vibrant and meticulous girl wasn't here anymore, just some facsimile. Taking a moment to actually register and think of what she said, "It's not our place to choose for them. She seems happy at the hospital with him. Maybe she's just upset about something else?" Kensuke winced mentally at his unneeded addition details. It meant he was paying attention, and that Hikari was NOT looking happy.
"Maybe, but you don't believe that and know it's that parasite that's the cause," Asuka watched Rei walk out the room flanked by boys. They hadn't given up on the 'easy Ayanami Rei' despite the store being closed. "If you talk to her, maybe she'd listen. I won't push her anymore about it. Told her my thoughts, she still plans on going on with it," Asuka didn't even sound upset, just a minor inflexion.
Just watching people leave, a few guys looked at Asuka and him, but not with the jealousy that such an event might have in the past. Guys had either given up on Asuka, believed Chidori's lies, or were turned off by the 'new' Asuka. "I don't think we should bother them. I mean, it's really their issue in the end. Touji won't always be bedridden, he'll get crutches or a fake leg or something," Touji was to stubborn to remain an invalid.
"Figured you'd say something like that. But thought I'd at least try," Asuka sighed and picked up her own bag. Joining the line of departing students, Asuka just brushed past all of them, they parted before her like air before an arrowhead. "Hikari, I'll call you later," she waved and was out in the hall.
Waving at her friend, Hikari was soon over to her own desk by Kensuke, "You need something Ken?" Hikari started packing her own things for the trip home, but like Asuka, just seemed devoid of any enthusiasm. Not what one would expect of a newly dating girl, one that had always been at least a little vibrant.
"You doing alright, class-rep? Seem a little tired," Kensuke fibbed just a little. Tired was not the word, exhausted was better. His phone vibrated with a message, Chidori was getting anxious. His girlfriend was always anxious when he was late or with another girl. Not an expected issue he thought he'd have, a jealous girlfriend.
Offering her best smile, Hikari straightened her back with an audible pop, "I'm fine, just not a lot of sleep. Kodama's been upset with me and making life hell at the apartment. But she'll get over it in time." Gesturing to the door, apparently Hikari wanted some more company for at least a little while. "And how have you been, considering," Hikari and Kensuke wouldn't openly talk about the two empty seats that still had registered students to them.
"Hanging on. I went yesterday to talk to him," Kensuke felt like the other woman at that instant. Sneaking in to see Touji while Hikari had been away. "Chidori's been real great during all this. Though something happened the other day that really upset her. Going to take her out for some Karaoke right now, want to come?" he offered, Chidori liked Hikari so it shouldn't be an issue.
Stopping at the water fountain for a drink, Hikari wiped the remains with the back of her hand, "I need to check on Touji and Mari since he can't." It was how she said it, a chore not a blessing, that set Kensuke off and unable to look at her. Commitment for better or worse, Hikari was committed to Touji even though she did not sound at all wanting.
"Kensuke what the hell? I ask you to come after school and I find you chumming with Hokari?" it came out jokey, but Kensuke heard that edge to it. She wasn't totally kidding with her comment. Latching her arms around his neck, she hung over his back, chin atop his head, she rubbed against him. "I need to watch you every second. Can you believe this guy, Hokari?" she walked in unison with him.
Dabbing at her eyes, Hikari just giggled without any real humor, "Well Kensuke has blossomed into a more social person thanks to you Nagato-san. But I'm sure everybody knows you're the only woman in his life." With a wave, Hikari hustled off and turned down a hall that wasn't towards the exit and she disappeared deeper into the school.
"Was that really necessary, Chidori?" Kensuke grumbled. Did Chidori have to crush every girl that talked to him, he wasn't interested in anybody but her! Catching her 'wait till outside' look, Kensuke bit back on his continued rant until they were off school grounds. Rounding the wall, Kensuke let his personal friendship with the forlorn Hokari flair. Gripping Chidori by the bicep, she liked it when he was aggressive, "Chidori, can you lay off this whole alpha-female thing, at least around Hokari? She's having issues with the whole accident thing."
At first she blushed and then her eyelids went half laden and she kissed his nose. "Oh you are so easy to read sometimes. I didn't mean what I said to her. She's smitten with that…" Chidori stopped short. Trashing Touji wasn't a good thing for her to do, not here and now, so she just aborted before making things worse. "But, no offense, Ken-chan. That relationship is doomed from the start, even if he was still himself. That guy will grasp at anybody he can, even now I bet he's eyeing some nurse or that floosy Ikari lives with," Chidori freed herself from Kensuke's aggressions.
"He's better than you give him credit for," Kensuke felt that anger fester and not lessen. She was still talking badly about Touji, why? Hadn't Touji suffered enough, and for what? To help his family. Nobody, except Shinji, Hikari, and himself, seemed to notice or care how sensitive Touji was. Restarting the trip to the entertainment district, Kensuke tried to push down his aggravation, "Oh and it would be safer if you leave off Soryu to. I don't know what she did since the hospital, but she's still off kilter."
Actually punching Kensuke in the arm hard, Chidori shoved him to add insult to injury. "Damn Ken, why don't you just stick up for every girl that ISN'T me? Look I know direct approach to that girl is a bad idea, she's not just off kilter she blew it up! But that doesn't mean I'll let her get away with what she did!" now that was the Chidori Kensuke was used to. Selfish and opinionated, out to do what she wanted and take what she thought she deserved. Dangerous and alive, sadly that animosity was now pointed at him.
"What did she do that would have you risking her taking your throat out again? It isn't like she doesn't have reason to suspect anything bad that happens to her is your fault. And I'm sorry my concern for you is making YOU think otherwise!" he was shouting, actually yelling in her face! They fought in the past, well before they started dating they fought all the time in the lesser way siblings did.
Whirling on Kensuke, face inches from his, her capillaries were ablaze with color. "She called Sakura's father! She had snuck into the city to see Shinji-kun, was waiting for him, and that bitch called her father! Now he's having her shipped off to America to stay with some brother of his! I had to listen to Sakura cry for hours over this! That bitch needs to suffer for this, suffer HARD!" Chidori was almost sensual with her final threat.
"Shinji isn't even here!" Kensuke yelled back in response. His girlfriend, the girl he loved, was acting so stupidly it was baffling. The city was under siege, they had almost no defenses, and Chidori was upset that Sakura wasn't in the city to see it? All for a boy that may never come back? It was asinine! "Chidori, I know you feel you owe her, but Shinji might never come back. He might be in a bed like Touji or worse. And you wanted her to be here to see the apocalypse first hand? What the fuck!? If anything Asuka did her a favor!" Kensuke actually felt light headed with all his screaming.
And just like that, Chidori shut her mouth, turned on her heels and walked away. "I'm going shopping alone. Call me once you stop talking stupid," she was beyond vexed and didn't know how to handle it. A logical argument that she didn't have a response to, so she did what she always did in situations like that. She ran from it.
"Great, just great," Kensuke muttered. A few other students and pedestrians who witnessed the fight continued to gawk. Some looked sympathetic, others holding back smiles or laughter, and one boy coyly walked off after Chidori. Girl just had to be so stubborn, couldn't see the better good. It was going to take a lot to get her to relax and listen to reason, dear gods he hoped she listened to him in the end.
With nothing else to do now, no reason to go to the club to sing without Chidori and Hikari would want to be alone with Touji, Kensuke started home. As he walked though something quite unexpected happened, he saw Rei walk out from an alley dusting her skirt free of dirt. "She back on the hunt?" Kensuke wondered. The boys that had followed her out of school were gone, but Rei had said she was done with the whole sleeping around. Strange. "You alright Ayanami?" Kensuke asked as she neared him.
"Oh, Aida, you don't need anything do you?" Rei's knuckles were red and covered in dirt. She titled her head like a cat might while eying pray, her eyes appeared to grow and swirl in on themselves.
Afraid, deathly afraid of the girl, Kensuke just shook his head, "No, just you look like you feel or something. Just concerned." A lie, but at least a believable one. Stepping out of her way as she passed him, she stopped to sniff him and he chilled despite the heat of the day. "S-something wrong?" he hoped not.
"You're afraid, cute," Rei just smiled with closed eyes and skipped off. That smile was so alien and obtuse it hurt Kensuke to see it, lips shouldn't be able to move that much but they did.
Knowing it was stupid, that he was stupid, it was better to just leave things alone and not push the envelope. But he couldn't resist, the temptation was to high, so he neared the alley and peaked in. There were no boys chatting about a quick romp with a cute girl, no guys getting dressed again. Just a pile of beaten and battered unfortunate. "What is…what did she do?" Kensuke rushed to their aid. Savage bruises and deep cuts that appeared to fan out like fingernails. Rei had done this, and yes it was the boys that followed after her. Well they'd not try that again. Kensuke waited for the police to arrive before leaving, of course when asked if he knew who did it…Kensuke said he didn't know.
X-X
Bleary eyed and tired, Misato stared into the dim light of her monitor. Sleep just didn't come to her that night and as saw the time, it was five minutes before it was set to go off. Today was the day they learned if Ritsuko's little plan paid off or if things were going from bad to worse. "I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't come back," Misato's mouth tasted terrible. The hope that booze might have helped with her insomnia proved faulty. So with nothing else to do she continued her search for the truth.
Over the last month, Misato had found herself questioning more and more things, Ritsuko helped explain the things she didn't understand. "Glad she's on our side, if not I'd not understand half of this," Misato squinted at a schematic. It was for the Dummy Plug and explained how it worked as an artificial pilot. Most of the tech was black boxed, but Misato knew enough now to know she didn't want that thing used under her command. Problem was, if this was what Ritsuko was telling her, what else did Ritsuko know that she wasn't telling? Being so close to Gendo for so long, being the head scientist in charge of so many hidden projects…Misato shuddered. "Talk too much and she won't be left alone," Misato couldn't push too hard.
Pushing herself off the ground, her arms were tired and resisted at first, she casually flipped on the light. She was not going to see her boy again while looking like a mess, or if fate deemed today a horrible day she would not dishonor his memory. "He better come back, he damn well better," she threatened the gods. Taking off her sleeping cloths, she rubbed her arms as the cool air of the A/C rolled over her. Hearing a scratch at her door, Pen-Pen wanted out, she opened it with her foot. She didn't have to worry about Shinji seeing her in the buff, he wasn't there to see it. "Though I wonder what he'd think if he did see me like this," she forced a laugh.
"You awake already?" Asuka's angry voice yelled through the wall. She was always angry anymore, Misato couldn't remember a time in the last month Asuka hadn't had a chip on her shoulder. No help in cleaning or cooking, Asuka just sat around like a lump and glared. Standing at the crack in Misato's door, Asuka scoffed, "Disgusting, don't you bathe anymore. I swear I can smell him on you or is it still in you?"
Gasping a little at the sudden intrusion, Misato dropped the shirt she was going to put on to the ground. "You could knock before barging in, and could we not do this today, Asuka?" she grumbled as she picked the shirt up. Great, it was wrinkled and might be stained. All her clothing was like that now, another testament to her dependency on her missing boy. Food, clothing, and cleaning had been his duty and she just let him, took him for granted. Asuka was still standing there watching too. Dressing, Misato knew why Asuka was angry this time at least. Pulling her hair through the shirt, "Are you still upset about Kaji being over the other day?"
"Thought you Japanese liked openness, you're pretty open right?" Asuka opened the door more and leaned against the frame. Gazing off at Shinji's door, she folded her arms against her chest and sighed. Sliding down the frame a little as she put her foot against it, "And no, I've given up on that. He doesn't matter anymore, he made his choice. All I want now is to see that idiot back so we can try to get things back to normal."
Buttoning her slacks, she grabbed her hat, Misato paused as she couldn't help herself. How Asuka was acting, how she was speaking, could Shinji and she have been up to something? Maya said the Tachibana girl was gone, Asuka and Shinji had something odd going on between them. "Asuka, were you and Shinji-kun having sex before the accident? Is that why you don't care about Kaji-kun anymore?" Misato felt obligated to ask. It would explain some of Asuka's shift in personality and general angry standings.
"Why does everybody think that?" Asuka rolled off the wall and disappeared deeper into the apartment. Her voice echoed easily though, right into Misato's room. Coming back with an apple, "No, we're not fucking. I don't want to fuck him, so you can relax about that. He's important to me is all. Hikari and Shinji are the only people in this damn city that haven't tried fucking me too. Now are we going to get moving or am I going alone?" She savaged the apple as Misato finished dressing.
Well she just made that worse didn't she? But with how Asuka was, Misato could have seen it be the case. "I'm almost ready, but could you tell me if we have any coffee left?" she could kill for a cup right now. Tired but not able to sleep, Misato's body just floated on nerves and determination. The last time she had a good night sleep had been at Kaji's the week before. Kaji…were they really going to start something again or was it just the emotional weight she was under. He was different than before, more mature and dependable than back in college.
Shaking her head, Asuka tossed the core of apple in Misato's garbage bin, "No we're out. Have been since a few days ago."
"Great, I'll just get a cup at the base then," Misato hated base coffee. It didn't have the subtle sweetness that the brand Shinji bought for them. Stepping around the overflow of garbage from her can, Misato just felt like utter shit. How had she become so helpless…or how had she forgotten how life had been before her boy? The apartment looked like this before he showed up didn't he? Instant food, garbage everywhere, and dirty clothing…yup that had been life was until she took Shinji in for an attempt at an early promotion. "When he gets back he's going to have his work ahead of him as punishment," she had to have hope.
Already putting her shoes on, Asuka was just as eager to leave as Misato was. "Just keep Ayanami away from him. Hell keep that girl on base if you can. I don't want her around him anymore, she's not all there and that worries me," Asuka actually sounded more fearful than angry.
"I can agree to that for sure," Misato kept her distance from Asuka and put her own shoes on. The more she uncovered the more Misato wanted Rei in a padded cell and straight jacket. Everything was wrong with her, everything. Now she'd never go on record to say it, but if any pilot had to lose their life in the future Misato hoped it was Rei. Grabbing her keys and wallet, "You ready to go and…"
Asuka just opened the door and walked out, guess she wasn't even going to humor Misato. Well at least she tried, Misato had to hope that counted for something. It didn't, but again what was life without hope? Follow Asuka at a discrete distance, Misato wondered if Shinji's return would help that poor girl out somehow too? He had impacted lives without trying or even wanting to, how fitting. Driving into Nerv, Asuka turned the radio on loud to drown out any potential conversation. Message sent and message received, Asuka was not forgiving Misato for Kaji's little night over. Guess they weren't as careful as they thought.
"I'm going to go check my scores from yesterday. See you in the test chamber," Asuka announced once they arrived. Out the door and slamming it almost as soon as the car was put into park, Asuka was already walking away at a fast pace.
Clenching her eyes shut, Misato counted to ten in her head. "She's just stressed out is all. Snapping on her won't help anything…just stress…stress," a word Misato knew all too well. Contingency plans in case Shinji didn't come back. Who would pilot Unit-01, what to tell the press, all these problems fell on her shoulders, heaped their by others that ran from responsibility. Ran just like Asuka did, but Misato couldn't. "Why can't I bury my head in the sand like everybody else?" she hated it. Everybody else got to wallow in fear and anxieties while she had to be on point and dependable at all times.
"I want to be weak to, I really do," Misato shuddered as she slid out of her car. Maybe that was why she slept with Kaji, a way to be weak and deal with her stress. But not today, she couldn't be weak today! Puffing her chest out with a massive inhale, she went to see her friend. Ritsuko was facing this task with more determination than many thought her possible. But Misato saw it, her feelings on it weren't sorted out though. Walking into the lab, her eyes instantly going to the hanging entry plug, she bit back her emotions as they threatened to spill over. No, not today, good or bad she'd be strong! "So how is it looking?" Misato waved at Ritsuko.
Her head popping up from behind a computer bay, Maya smiled weakly, "Oh, Katsuragi, glad to see you here before the operation. We'll be good to go in little under two hours, but we don't have much to do personally. Crews are setting up the power grid we'll need. So maybe you can get her to relax a little." Maya flinched her head towards Ritsuko. Another rumor that was hard to deny with those two always being together as of late. Ritsuko and Maya, well find happiness where one could.
"I have work to do Maya, I just can't stop now. Three hours from now is a different story. Once he's back I fully intend to sleep until tomorrow," Ritsuko's back arched as she bent along the ground. On her knees, Ritsuko was reaching along the top of her computer out of her line of sight. Her hand danced over a few tools and finally grabbed a screwdriver and she went back into the machine's guts. Borderline exhausted, "I might have to hire him from you, Misato, when we get him back. A good meal and one of his backrubs would be heaven right now, no offense Maya but he has musicians hands and you have a tech's."
Kneeling over by Ritsuko, Misato just watched the woman work. Wiring strung about wildly, circuit boards cobbled together, and sparks of electricity leaping about did not give confidence. But Ritsuko's concerned and dedicated face did, that woman wasn't going to just let this go without a fight. "So that answers that question I might have had. So you two are together then?" Misato actually colored at that. Ritsuko finally making some progress in recovering, good. And Kaji's little hint that Ritsuko might be sniffing around Shinji just to keep him under thumb held less weight now.
"W-what are you talking about Katsuragi-san?" Maya nearly leapt out of her skin. A loud gong of something hitting thin metal was funny, Maya must have hit her head against the station.
Laughing lightly, Ritsuko held her hand out to Misato to help pull her out of the machine. Rubbing her thighs as she stood up, "Don't worry Maya-chan, I'm not afraid of how people will look at me. Yes, Misato, we're seeing each other now. And I don't care how people look at me, not like it matters. They've never really treated me like a person either, just the crazy daughter of Naoka Akagi." Falling into a chair, Ritsuko sank into it and groaned out a mix of a snore and yawn.
"Good for you two, Maya you take care of her or I'll come looking. She's my friend first after all," Misato waggled a finger at Maya. Still on her knees, Maya rubbed her head with both hands as she sulked on the ground. Still was so hard to take Maya seriously, she looked like a slightly older Shinji if seen in the right light. Walking over to the plug, Misato reached out to it, paused, then caressed the metallic tube, "You two have worked so hard on this. For better or worse, thank you for all of it. If nobody else says anything, know you have my thanks for at least trying." She saw the two of them share a look and nod.
Getting off the ground, Maya joined Misato in touching the plug, "He deserves better than this, we're just doing what we can to see that."
Slapping herself awake, Ritsuko grabbed for a thermos and drank straight from it. Her mouth opened in a 'O' and her face went green for a moment, "Oh god I forgot how old that was. Nearly puked." Sealing the station, Ritsuko turned on the computer and her face was bathed in the green glow of a host screen. "We all deserve better than what is going on right now. But that should be changing soon. Don't you think otherwise," Ritsuko put in a few commands and grunted, "Ready to go. Just have to hope he wants to come back."
"He does, he knows if he doesn't I'll have to find him and tease him until he does," Misato joked. Something had to break the tension, or she'd snap. Heading over to the intercom, she addressed the base as a whole. "Operation to begin in thirty minutes, all non-essential tasks are to stop now until after completion, that is all," they kept the fact of Shinji's status as closely secret as possible. Many knew of course, but not everybody. Keep the variables to a minimum, keep the fire control as small as necessary.
It didn't take long for the small room to populate with the command staff and other tech's. Misato was stunned to learn Rei had been in the room the whole time, just watching everything in silence. When Asuka came in she went straight over to the handrail that separated the operation area and the viewing area. Pacing back and forth, Misato didn't stop until Kaji put his hand on her shoulder and slid it down to take hers. "Just calm down and watch, Katsuragi, all we can do right now," he whispered to her. Eyes were on her to be strong, to be the leader as the commanders weren't present.
"Alright, commence operation in 3..2..1..go," Ritsuko told those that were involved and everything went off. At the start it was boring, computer programs starting, whirring of devices, and general chatter of the technicians. Nothing showed any sign that they were even interacting with the hanging plug, but that changed. Power started to bridge from some of the makeshift generators, arcing from device to device. Louder and louder the computers amped up their working, the plug started to weave with the power being put into it.
Squeezing Kaji's hand far harder than she should, Misato would not be turned away. "It's working, it has to be," she said to him. But that's when things went south.
"Ego-boarder lost! It's in a spiral and we can't lock on!" Maya screamed as other techs started to frantically type. Yells started coming from all over the operation area, "Losing it", "Can't stop it!", and finally Ritsuko's own voice cut through everybody else with one final, "We've failed!"
With that declaration the plug opened and a flood of LCL rained to the floor and into the drains. Shinji's plug suit just lay there, empty and crumpled. Misato could feel Kaji trying to hug her, draw her in close, and that's when she snapped. "No…No! NO!" she shoved the man off and vaulted the handrail. "Not like this! You can't do this you bitch! It's not his time yet! You can't take him from me like this! Not like this!" she cradled his suit to her chest. The LCL sank into her clothing and stained it more, it was warm to the touch. From the corner of her eye she saw both Ritsuko and Maya, Maya was crying and Ritsuko looked ready to as well. Tears streamed down her face, her promise to be strong was gone, she just couldn't. He deserved a life, a full life free of all the bullshit she forced on him and yet…yet…
An audible pop next to her drew Misato to the nude form of one Shinji Ikari, "W-what?" She crawled over to him, flipped him over and just looked at his face, he was breathing! He was alive? But the recovery failed, he should be…but…
"M-Misato-san…hi," Shinji mouthed in a brief moment of lucidity before he fell asleep…or was smothered back to sleep. Misato hugged him, hugged him so heard she needed to be forced away when the nurses came to take him to the hospital. Kaji was there though waiting. She needed an outlet for that happiness she felt, and Shinji wasn't there so…yes…maybe Kaji and she COULD try again. Ritsuko frowned as she got into the car with Kaji, with good reason, but today was a good day after all!
X-X
Laying in that damned room, Shinji stared up at the ceiling and tried to keep it all together. His mind felt like it was being torn in every direction at the same time. Was he really the same Shinji that went into the plug a month ago or was he just a replica? Vague memories, hazy and insane, filtered into and out of his memory. All those things he saw, what he experienced, it phased into and out of his thoughts randomly. He could still remember some of it, but what he did remember wasn't possible!
"Mother, I remember mother," Shinji forced his bed to incline. He didn't want to sleep, he wanted to be awake. Spending over a month in a dreamlike sleep was enough for him, despite the horrible fatigue he felt. Ritsuko gave him the briefest recap of what happened to him hours ago when he first woke, and said she'd be back to check on him. Yet nobody came to see him, nobody visited, and he was glad. So much to think about, so much to digest, yet he just wasn't smart enough to understand it all. Sniffing his hand, thankfully it didn't smell this time, "Was she really there? Was any of it real?"
Seeing images of Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, and Asuka asking if he wanted to become one with them, merging into a single figure…all asking him? Telling him it would be nice, that they wanted it, knowing that he wanted it. Well his teenage mind was quick enough to know what that meant. Rei and he referred to their lovemaking as becoming one after all. Then there was the images of Rei, his beloved Rei and not the facsimile. She HAD merged with him, flowing into and out of…what was it? His spirit? His soul? His mind? Or was it just a dream and none of it had meaning? "I wish I could understand any of it," he gripped his sheets in frustration.
The more he tried to make sense of his odd jumble of memories the more they slipped away. With a mighty sigh, he just surrendered to the fact it would remain a jumble. Talking to people wouldn't help, it wasn't something anybody could identify with or hope to accept.
"So you've come back after all. Some people probably lost some money on that bet," Asuka said as she walked into the room. Taking the lone chair next to his bed, the girl smiled warmly at the boy. Grabbing his sitting glass of water, she helped herself to half of its contents. Crossing her legs, she reclined in the chair, "I made a little of course. I knew you're dumb ass couldn't stay away. How you feeling?"
Glad for the distraction from his constant assault of mental stress, Shinji felt his cheeks twinge slightly. He tried to keep from smiling, didn't want to give Asuka the wrong impression, but his lips split regardless. That image of a very nude Asuka asking if he'd like to…he shook his head. No, that wasn't how he thought of this beautiful woman before him. "I'm…a little out of sorts. My head is full of crazy stuff, trying to sort it all out. How about you? What did I miss?" he hadn't been told anything of the last month.
Pausing for a moment, Asuka just played with her hair. Once that vacant, worrisome, look vanished, "You didn't miss much. Touji and Hikari are dating, despite the accident. Katsuragi is still…a slob. Oh and it seems that Akagi and Ibuki are fucking, who knew! Next time they make me do one of those naked tests I'll have Katsuragi run it." Asuka rocked in her chair, boundless energy just vibrating out of her yet she didn't keep her illusion of happiness up for long. Softly, almost inaudible, "I missed you."
"Sorry for being gone," Shinji reached his hand out. Asuka took it and nearly yanked him off the bed, instead she pulled herself out of her chair with his help. It wasn't the first time Shinji saw Asuka like this, he did wonder who else did though. The list had to be short, two maybe three members only. Slowly, Shinji watched the zombie like shuffle Asuka made towards him, she fought herself each step of the way. But her pride lost to her needs, and Asuka soon sat on the edge of Shinji's bed and they hugged lightly. Stroking her hair just as she liked, "I wish I hadn't left, I'd have rather stayed."
Sniffing hard, yet she didn't break fully, Asuka grabbed the back of Shinji's hospital garb with both hands. "You damn better be sorry! Everybody else is just…just using us. Lying, cheating, stealing, hateful people. And you had to have the gale to nearly die on me! You can't do that, I won't let you. I have to see you get some stupid girl pregnant, listen to you apologize for it, and…and…" she just taped off and hugged him harder almost painfully.
"I won't do it again," Shinji hoped he wasn't lying. Asuka's heat was intoxicating, and despite himself he felt his body start to stir in response. Thankfully Asuka's moment passed and she took her seat again, that smile of confidence and pride back on her lips as if it never left. "So Ritsuko-san and Maya-san are finally seeing each other. I'm glad for them, though I guess that means my little 'dates' with them are over now. I'd not want to get in the way," Shinji wanted to change the topic. Talking about his condition or Asuka's was not safe subjects.
Pulling out her phone and checking the time, Asuka let out a single guttural laugh. Rolling her eyes, "They're trying to hide it, but everybody knows it. And you won't be going anywhere for awhile. You have an apartment to clean and restock once you get out of here. Katsuragi's been gone, and the other apartment is…" Asuka got up quickly and rushed to the door. Peering around the corner, she checked the hallway intently. Once satisfied things were good, "Shinji, stay away from Ayanami. Girl has gone full blown nuts since your little accident." Her phone started to beep and she groaned, "Shit, I have tests…see you at the apartment"
Stunning the boy, she actually walked back over to him and kissed his forehead before leaving. It felt good, warm but not in a sexual way. Family…she was family and they were looking after each other, as they needed. What she said though, who to avoid, Shinji gripped his sheets as a chill worked through his stomach and to his limbs. "Red eyes," Shinji mouthed as he felt a memory threaten to come forth. He fought it back like a crazed man, that memory he didn't want. It was wrong, it was alien and vile, and he repressed it. Some things were better forgotten.
Left to his thoughts again, Shinji felt that nagging sensation of fatigue fighting with him. A dance of opposing wills. His body kept trying to sneak in and tug on his eyelids while his mind stemmed it all off. As the sun started to set, bathing the room red, Shinji got his next adrenaline shock as the door to his room opened again. Images of red eyes and grasping hands tickled the back of his head, a scream welling up in his mouth only to vanish as Maya and Ritsuko walked into together. "Oh…it's you two. How are you?" his relief was palpable.
"You almost sound annoyed to see us," Maya teased as she joined Ritsuko in flanking Shinji's bed. Kneeling down to get a better view, she took his hand in hers and pressed it to her cheek. "You worried us all something fierce, Shinji-kun. For a moment we thought you'd," she let go of the boy's hand and stood back up straight.
Reading Shinji's reports, Ritsuko nodded with a firm scowl on her face, "You're good to go if you want, Shinji-kun. I can check you out of here, and we can get you some good food. Nothing left for you here. You can get bed-rest anywhere." She set the report back on the end of his bed and ruffled his hair. Pulling off the sheet with a flourish, she let go of it and let it flitter like a cartoon ghost. "And we are good. I took Maya-chan up on her offer, and its only fair that we offer you the same. Won't put you on the spot here, not fair to, but know that if you want we have a position open for you and you alone, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko helped Shinji out of bed.
"W-wait…what? I thought you were kidding about that," Shinji felt himself being herded into the bathroom with his clothing. They shut the door after he was inside leaving him in darkness, he blindly groped for the light. Darkness, he felt his heart clench again, a cold sweat down his cheek. "It was just a dream, a nightmare from being alone so long," he whimpered. It had to be a dream, there was no way anybody could have gotten into his cell. Just an illusion, let it go, please let it go. Flipping the light on he got dressed quickly, "Asuka was here earlier and said you two finally started…"
Opening the door abruptly, Maya scampered in all smiles, guess being with Ritsuko as she liked was making her extra happy. Helping Shinji finish up his outfit, "We did, and before we did, I let Ritsuko-sempai know something. I like both of you." She finished buttoning up his shirt, her face fully red and her voice soft as snow. Words started tumbling out of her mouth, "I know its stupid, can't possibly work as I envision it, but…I like both Sempai and you. After spending so much time with both of you, seeing both of you suffer as you two have…I want to be part of your lives. So if you're willing." She just let go of Shinji and left the room.
"She's saying, is if you're alright with a dirty old woman and a darling younger one…want to give it a try? She's right and that it will never work, you two will get tired of me before long, but I'll humor you," Ritsuko leaned against the door Maya fled through. Just watching Shinji with her keen observation, Ritsuko was the perfect image of cold and detached despite what she was saying. Holding her hand out, "So what say you Shinji-kun. You've been knocked around enough to know things rarely work as people want. But I keep telling you to take more than give…want to give this a try?"
It was to much to take in so suddenly, Shinji just stared at her hand. It would hang there, Shinji knew, until he either accepted it or pushed it away. The woman had infinite patience when it came to such things. And she was right, each relationship he had been in ended in pain for him. Ritsuko and Maya had become great friends, and he did harbor secret longings for each in their own way. But a joint relationship with older women? It couldn't work, people would look at them in disgust! They would be hated and spit on and…and…
He didn't care what those faceless people thought. Taking Ritsuko's hand, it was slim and warm yet firm, "You two are crazy, but I already knew that. This is total insanity, but…I do…l-like both of you." The moment the words were out of Shinji's lips he felt his body crushed against Ritsuko's. She simply yanked him against her and demonstrated her quite impressive strength. Maya joined in on the odd little hug, and after they parted, they left the hospital.
Instead of going to Misato's as Shinji suspected, they went to Maya's. Ritsuko informed him of Misato leaving with Kaji before the pair opted to pounce him. Maya cooked while Ritsuko informed Shinji of all he missed that she thought he needed to know. They ate, drank, and continued to enjoy one another's company. When he yawned one time to many for them, Ritsuko took the boy to the guest room while they took to Maya's. He finally surrendered to sleep under another unfamiliar ceiling, but at least he wasn't worried about it. Maybe he wasn't wrong to come back, maybe things would get better. And when he slept he dreamed, and for a change it wasn't a nightmare.
X-X
Authors notes
Man, I don't know why but this chapter was just hard on me. Trying to keep some level of positive and negative going and this is mostly a negative chapter. The other thing is the whole Maya/Ritsuko/Shinji thing I've been working towards for a while now. I won't lie, the initial plan for this story was a straight up Shinji/Ritsuko but the story needed set up and by the time I got to it…Maya had lodged herself in the mix. Hope you don't mind and hope you enjoyed.
Ja Mata
Zentrodie