Chapter nineteen: Missing you

"Jackie?" the soft hand on her shoulder causes her to bolt upright with a gasp.

She exhaled in relief as she saw it was Jack. "Sorry. I don't know why I did that."

"You're tired." He explained as he helped her up out of her chair. "You're exhausted, but, Ianto is here with Gwen."

She yawned. "I'm sorry Rhys."

He shrugged. "No bother, it's been a hard day."

Gwen came into the room cautiously, her eyes scanning everything, from Jack to Rhys. Jack headed towards Gwen and the door. Gwen stepped towards Jack and hissed. "Don't leave me, Jack."

Jack cupped her face in his hands gently. "You'll be okay. You're my sister-in-law, remember? You're in no danger."

Jackie stepped forward and hugged Gwen. "You'll be fine. Rhys is a very good man and he loves you so much."

Jack took her hand and led her toward the door with Ianto following. They all said nothing as they went out to the SUV. Jackie shook her head slightly as again, her mind began swirling.

"What was that all about?" Jack questioned.

"Temporary amnesia." Ianto suggested. "Owen's checking possible causes." Ianto throw the car keys to Jack.

"I think…I should have Owen check me." Jackie said slowly. "I think I've got some sort of temporary amnesia."

"Well," Ianto said with a grin. "you haven't forgotten Jack."

Jackie turned towards Jack and found him frozen, staring at something that she couldn't see. "Weevil sighting by the sewer in Rockwall Street. Jack?" Jack didn't move. Jackie stepped towards him and hesitantly touched his arm. Still, no response. "Jack?"

Jack spun around towards Ianto. "Can you see him?" he demanded, before turning back to look at the same spot. Jack frowned in confusion, as if what he'd seen had vanished.

"Who?" Ianto questions, as like her, can see that there's no one there.

Jack offered no further explanations. He opened the door to the SUV. "I'll drop you off and check out the sighting."

She and Ianto got into the SUV. She shot Ianto a look, asking him to go with Jack. "I could come with you." Ianto's offer was very genuine and she hoped Jack took him up on it. She was worried about him. "It's been a while since we went hunting together."

"I'll be fine on my own." Jack's voice was quiet and didn't sound convincing to her, but somehow, the desire to press the issue with Jack was squelched within her. She felt as if she were being silenced, held captive by something that she couldn't see.

The ride there was silent and Jack dropped them off without a word. Ianto cleared his throat and watched as Jack drove away. "He'll be fine Jackie."

"What is going on with us Ianto?" Jackie asked quietly. "What's happening to Torchwood?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I just…feel like…something's wrong." She inhaled as tears filled her eyes. "It's Adam. I know it is."

Ianto frowned. "Jackie, what makes you think it's him? He's been here for three years."

"Then why don't I feel anything for him? It's like… he's a stranger." She stepped away from Ianto. "I don't know what's wrong with me. True it could be the news that I'm pregnant, but, it's Adam. I feel like, he shouldn't be here somehow."

"Jackie."

"I'd like some proof, something concrete." She turned to Ianto. "But, I don't know how. How can you prove to me that Adam is supposed to be here? And…something concrete. No files or stuff like that, it can be changed."

"Alright." He kissed her forehead. "You take a nap, and I'll find you some solid proof. I'll let you see my diary."

She arched a brow. "You keep a diary?"

He shrugged. "Yes. I like to keep track of things that are of interest," he smirked impishly at her. "and a few…other things."

She smiled. "Alright. I'll be back in a bit. I want some air."

"Alright."

But she wasn't back in a bit. Everything was so calming, soothing and peaceful tonight she hoped it would calm her troubled soul. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she selected Antonio Vivaldi's Violin Concerto no 6 in A Minor, Op 3, Rv 356, Largo and placed it on repeat. She sat on the edge of the boardwalk, pulled off her shoes and dangled her feet into the icy, cold ocean water. Closing her eyes, she forced her body to meditate, slowly allowing peace and serenity to enter her mind and body.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she stirred and looked up to see Jack looking down at her. "Sorry, did I fall asleep sitting up?"

"No." He said quietly. "But, you were a million miles away from me."

"Sorry," she glanced at her watch to see that she'd been out here for almost an hour. "I didn't realize it was so late." Jack seemed tense, as if something were still troubling him. Instinctively, she stood up, placing her hand on his heart. Her finger's picked up the beat and she looked up at him, taking in the conflicted turmoil in his soul. "Jack," she questioned softly. "what has disturbed you so this evening?"

"My past." He inhaled deeply before explaining. "I buried the memory over a hundred and fifty years ago."

She bit her lip before taking his hand. "Would you like to tell me? I know, your past is personal and private, but, sometimes, it helps to talk."

He inhaled deeply and began explaining slowly. "My home in the fifty first century was in the Boeshane Peninsula. We lived under the threat of invasion….by the most horrible creatures you could possibly imagine." his breathing became ragged and she squeezed his hand tightly and stood up. "One day, we were invaded and my father told me to take Gray, my little brother, while he searched for my mother. One minute…I was holding his hand. I don't know when he let go." Jack jerked away from her and turned to look towards the ocean. The torment in his soul was very upsetting to her. She'd never felt Jack vulnerable like this. He rarely talked about his past, nor was it like him to just tell her everything so rapidly. "I don't think I noticed, I thought he was there, just behind me, but…he wasn't. I retraced my steps, hoping that I'd see him again." Jack's voice broke with tears filling his eyes; he covered his face in his hands. Jackie reached up and gripped his wrists gently. 'My father…was dead. I searched for Gray for years. I never found the body."

"It wasn't your fault." Jackie said soothingly as she ran her placed her hand on his neck.

"I let go of his hand!" He shouted at her as he wrenched away. "It was the worst day of my life! It's the last thing I want to remember." He turned towards her and demanded in fury. "Why am I remembering now?"

She was silent for a moment before stating. "Because…maybe you just need to let it go Jack. It wasn't your fault. Stop punishing yourself for the mistake of a child. You're a grown man now and I'm certain, if your brother could see what you've become, he'd be so proud of you." She was quiet for a moment. "This is why you created Torchwood. You want to keep others from feeling the loss you felt that day when you lost everyone. Their death's Jack shaped you into the man you are today. That pain and loss…shaped you." she wrapped her arms around his waist as tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No." He wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry. I had no right to upset you."

"Jack." she tilted her face up and kissed him on the mouth. He inhaled sharply and lifted her up off the ground. "Please." She whispered. "Don't stop."

Jack exhaled and smiled. "Well, due to the security cameras, I think it best that we continue this inside."

Jackie chuckled and grabbed her shoes. "On, your desk tonight, please."

Jack let out a laugh as he moved towards the entrance. "Aren't you in a horny mood tonight?"

She chuckled and ran her hand down his chest. "Well…I do have one very hot husband."

He smiled at her. "And I've got a wonderful wife," she flushed as he ran his hand softly down her cheek. "who I cherish very dearly."

She wrapped an arm around his waist and followed him silently as they entered the Torchwood hub. They'd taken no more than a few steps towards his office when they heard Ianto calling weakly. "Jack."

Jack groaned quietly. "Ianto." she muffled a moan as they turned to look for Ianto. Then, they saw him, slumped on the floor. They approached him slowly. "Hey." Jack questioned. "What's wrong?"

Jackie stepped towards him. "Are you sick?"

"Don't touch me!" Ianto shouted as he scrambled away from her, turning pleading eyes onto Jack. "You have to put me in the vaults." Jack and Jackie stared at Ianto in amazement. "Lock me up, I killed three girls, strangled them."

Jackie's stomach swirled as Jack said firmly. "Stop kidding around."

"I'm serious. I murdered them in cold blood." Jackie stepped away from Ianto and closer to Jack. She reached out and sensed his emotions. It was confusing for her. It was as if he was telling the truth and lying at the same time. "I took their bodies," Ianto suddenly bolted up off the ground and began looking around desperately. His breathing was sharp, ragged and he was frightened. Now, she and Jack were growing concerned that maybe Ianto had done something. "You have to lock me away before I turn on you." Ianto suddenly started walking straight for the door. "None of you are safe."

"Hey, hey," Jack reached out and grabbed Ianto. "come here," Ianto struggled against him for a moment. Jack gripped his shoulders firmly and repeated. "come here." Ianto stopped struggling as Jack studied Ianto's face. "What's happened to you?"

The look Ianto's eyes immediately caused her to wrap her arms around him. "I'm a monster." He breathed quietly, involuntarily causing her to shudder. She was glad that she had him in an embrace; she could look over his shoulder at Jack without him seeing.

Jack was frowning deeply. After a moment, he exhaled. "That's it." He said firmly. "Both of you, in my office, now."

Jackie pulled away. "Shall I make some-

"Now!" He snapped at her; the formal military tone in his voice signaling no argument. He hurried up the stairs. "Follow me!"

And she wasn't going to offer him any argument. She jumped and moved towards the stairs. "Yes Sir."

"But Jack," Ianto pleaded. "you can't-

"We will talk in the office." Jack stated as he entered his office and took something from a cabinet behind his desk. "We will not give into the dramatics just yet. Something's changed you Ianto, you're not a killer."

"Agreed Ianto." Jackie said as she moved to sit down beside him. "This is all a mistake."

Jack exhaled deeply as he began setting up a machine. "Right, now something is seriously going wrong here. First, we have Gwen losing all her memories of Rhys and then Jackie," he glanced at her in concern. "is having memory issues and it's like…she's dying." She didn't argue. "The personality is changing. Then, we have me, I'm remembering something I buried over 150 years ago." Jack clipped a wire to Ianto's vest, right over his heart and attached another, with a small suction cup at the end of it to Ianto's wrist. "We need to know what is going on and we need to know why." He then walked calmly back around to his desk to finish rearranging this item. "Best lie detector on the planet." He stated as he pointed a silverish 'microphone' at Ianto's face. A bright green light came on. "If something's untrue, the light turns red." Jack inhaled before saying. "Go."

Ianto inhaled deeply, attempting to remain calm, but his voice tattled that his sanity was slipping. "My hands on her throat." He inhaled sharply as an almost mad light filled his eyes. "And it felt so good." the darkness in his voice caused her to shudder. She glanced worriedly at the light and Jack. "Squeezing the life out of her." Jackie was now staring at the damn light. It stubbornly stayed green throughout everything Ianto said. "It reads as truth." Ianto said the dreaded words that were on her and Jack's mind.

"I don't believe it." Jack said firmly before glancing at her. "What do you get?"

"It's a layer. Like…a layer of truth over lies."

Jack nodded his head before turning to Ianto. "Okay, tell me about the second girl."

Ianto shifted uncomfortably, letting out a few whimpers as he inhaled sharply. "She tried to get away, but I was too quick." Again, that dark excitement filled his voice. "Pleading, and I, I didn't care." Ianto's voice broke. "Something in me wants to kill."

"No." Jack shook his head firmly. "This is not you. Something's changed you." Jack got out of his chair. "You're not a murderer." He gave Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze as he passed by. "I'm certain of it."

Jackie reached over and undid the clips. "Don't touch me." Ianto said firmly. She shook her head and held his hand. "Don't I disgust you? How can you bear to look at me?"

"Because I don't think you did it Ianto. There's nothing concrete. Can you even tell us where you did the murders?" he shook his head and looked down at the ground. "Why haven't you hurt Meryl?" she asked quietly.

Ianto frowned before asking. "Meryl who?"

Jackie stood up. "Jack, Ianto can't remember Meryl." She explained to Ianto. "That's your girlfriend."

He stared at her in shock. "I have a girlfriend?"

"Yes." She assured him. "And she has a son."

The blood drained from his face. "Oh God. Please say he's not mine!"

"He's not. You two only started dating a few months ago."

"Jackie, Ianto, come here," Jack said firmly. Jackie stood up immediately, but Ianto hesitated. Jack walked towards him and pulled him towards the monitor. "Come here. Just look, look."

Remember it. Remember it. Adam's voice caused something in Jackie's mind to snap. It was as a gust of wind had blown open a door in her mind and swept away all the cobwebs. She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes as her memories filled her mind. Remember it. Remember it. Her head spun faster and faster until the door shut with a whoosh. Remember it.

And she did. She remembered all of it. "Oh," Jackie bit out. "that bastard is…horrible." Shock rippled through Jack and Ianto as they stared at in amazement as furious tears rolled down her cheeks. "I thought …I was going mad!"

The surge of fury in Jack was so great that she could only turn and look at him in shock. He stomped towards the autopsy room and headed straight towards the blood samples were stored. Jackie hugged Ianto. "Everything's going to be alright now."

"Where's Adam's blood sample?" Jack demanded.

Jackie stomped over and peered over the rail. "he infiltrated us Jack, there is no blood sample."

Ianto sluggishly moved towards the computer and brought up Adam's personnel file. Jackie peered over his shoulder as Jack approached. "Everything's in order here."

"When was it last updated?" Jack questioned as he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly.

"Twenty four hours ago." Ianto said quietly.

Jackie bobbed her head. "So, he hasn't gotten to us too badly yet. Hopefully, he hasn't gotten into anything." At that moment, all the lights go on. Ianto shrinks the screen; Jack grabs a book, a blank book and flips it open. She peers over his shoulder at the blank pages, pretending to be engrossed in it when Owen enters with a large bouquet of flowers. They stare at Owen for a moment as he puts them on Tosh's workstation. He then moves past them, head lowered. Ianto moves towards the coffee maker and Jackie leans closer to Jack. "There's an image, I need scrubbed out of my head."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Jack closes the book just as Adam and Tosh enter, laughing together. Jackie inhales in fury as she sees them together. Jack grabs a hold of her arms and walks her quickly into his office. "Jackie," he said firmly. "calm down."

"Calm down!" She shouted and Jack covered her mouth with his hand. She let out several outrageous squawks around his mouth. The moment they entered his office and he closed the door, she pushed his hand away. "Don't you dare tell me to calm down Jack Harkness!"

Jack grinned. "Oh, there's the woman I know and love." He kissed her quickly on the mouth. "Great to have you back."

She glowered at him in absolute fury as she jerked her head away. "Jack! The man changed me! This is not the time for this!"

"I know." He said apologetically and soothingly as he ran his hands down her shoulders. "I'm sorry…it's just…I missed you so much yesterday." She bit her lip and looked up at him. "And I didn't know why at the time, but I assure, I've missed you."

She smiled faintly. "Damn those eyes," jack grinned at her. "and that voice. You always know just what to say to calm me down. I've missed you too Jack." She cleared her throat. "What are we going to do?"

"Well, we're going to arrest Adam." he ran his thumb across her chin. "And I assure you, he will pay, for messing with you like that." he kissed her on the mouth deeply before stepping away from her. "Are you ready for this?"

Jackie smoothed her skirt down and rubbed her hands together. "Believe me…I am."

Jack pulled out his gun and cocked it loudly. "Let's get him."

"And…you owe me one on the desk sometime tomorrow."

Jack stopped and looked at her in confusion. "Tomorrow?"

"I've been up for more than 24 hours, I need sleep."

Jack let out a growl. "Oh, now he's going to pay!"