A/N: Very mild shmexy but I gosta warn you. Also, sorry for the lameness of the chapter...Del hates talking to me when she's over-emotional. Dagnabbit.
Though the actual ceremony wouldn't be until the following day, the volus wanted to allow Shepard time to visit the crash site. They took a crawler, travelling along the ridge of the rocky valley, an Alliance private driving while the Admiral, Shepard, Liara, and the two volus rode in the back.
"Your son was extremely brave, Merv," Shepard was telling the older of the pair as they rode, Hackett listening in curiously. "He took down eight geth on his own during the battle, and held the flank position for us so we could get into the tower."
"Yoh always was a bit…strange," Merv admitted, though affection was clear in his voice. "His interest in females of other species has constantly puzzled me as well. Can't get him to date a nice volus girl for the life of me. However I have always been very proud of him, and I am grateful to you for the respect you showed him at the Citadel."
"Spirit, courage…these aren't limited by species," Shepard replied. "Your son has both."
"Thank you, Commander," Yoh seemed pleased.
"I'm sorry Ash couldn't be here, Yoh. I know she would have liked to see you again."
"Really?" Though they couldn't see his face through his enviro-suit, the volus's entire being seemed to brighten up, before he looked at Merv. "Father, I hope you get to see her some day. Like a warrior angel, tall and graceful, and her gluteal-"
Shepard fought both a smile and a groan as Yoh went on about Ashley, her mind flashing back to the conversation she'd had earlier with Mordin about human females and their 'secondary sex characteristics'.
Hackett leaned over. "The volus really took down eight geth?"
"Absolutely," Shepard replied. "Two before we even got there, and then he covered us while we got out of the crashed MAKO and took out six more. Seriously, the man deserves a fucking medal."
"I don't know if volus give out medals, but…I agree," Hackett replied, impressed.
"Sir, we are approaching the crash site," the private up front suddenly announced. Hackett straightened, then nodded.
"Halt us just outside the perimeter," he ordered, then looked at Shepard as the vehicle slowed to a standstill. "The rest of us will stay around the crawler. This is for you, Commander."
Shepard nodded, then looked over at Liara as her hand was taken.
"Do you want me to come with you?" the asari asked softly. Shepard managed a smile, then bobbed her head.
"Yeah, thank you."
The crawler door opened, the sharp wind biting them in the cheeks again as they emerged. Frozen dirt crisp under her boots, Shepard drew the pea coat tighter around her, turning the collar up to help protect her face.
She first looked upward at the clear sky, tucking her gloved hands into her pockets before she looked at Liara and the others. Taking a deep breath, she walked around to the front of the crawler and finally peered out over the ragged valley.
Formed most likely by an earthquake, given the torn shape of the cliffs on two sides of it, the valley was rather small. It looked at first like old ruins had been left scattered throughout it until her eyes picked out the familiar shape of a fuselage, the sweep of a bulkhead.
Wordlessly, hands jammed deep in her pockets, Shepard started that direction, hearing Liara's footsteps crunching behind her.
The wreck had spread over a half-mile. There were hundreds of scattered bits of metal debris all over the place…some as big as a vehicle hubcap but most no larger than the palm of her hand, and unidentifiable. Two sections of the main hull seemed relatively intact and seemed half-sunken into the landscape, the ice and storms of two years relentlessly claiming it.
As she reached the center of the debris field, Shepard halted, closing her eyes. The wind, funneled by the wreck and the jagged cliff-edges seemed to moan and whisper, stirring her hair and caressing icy fingers over her face.
"Del?" Liara's whisper jarred her and she blinked, staring at the woman at her side a moment before she lowered her head. Concerned, the asari lightly placed her hand on Shepard's shoulder, the commander reaching up and laying her own over it a moment, before she started to walk again.
Reaching the larger of the two main pieces of debris, Shepard peered within the ragged edge, before stepping carefully up on the ice-slicked floor. It was the bulk of the CIC, still missing most of its roof. The twisted metal railing of the galaxy map promontory leaned at a sharp angle. Shepard's gloved hand gripped it as she braced herself to stand steady, looking upward through the rent in the top of the section.
The CIC was all but gone, only the floor and ragged lengths of wall keeping the Normandy's body attached to its head. Debris floated idly about, caught along with the vessel's inertia and so seeming to just hang like insane party favors overhead.
Above she could see only space, eternal, depthless, black as death and as beautiful as diamonds sunk on velvet. The edge of a large planet, gold and rose, was slowly moving into view.
The Normandy is caught in her gravity well. It'll pull the wreckage right in.
Hands drifted down, fingers sweeping lightly over Shepard's faceplate, like weeds in a still pond. Gently brushing them aside, Shepard looked up into the half-burned but still recognizable face of Ensign Parks. Parks had been assigned to them just after the Citadel attack…she had just been twenty.
Shepard's dark brown eyes shifted a little, the face of the serenely drifting Ensign reflecting on her face-plate in a background of glowing stars, before the commander turned away.
Lifting a hand, Shepard idly rubbed at the tiny patch just below her hair-line, even though she knew better. It wasn't a flashback, simply a memory. Travelling down the sloping floor, she saw Liara looking sadly at the torn consoles, her own gloved fingers drifting across cold metal.
As they moved from her neck to her numbing cheek, Shepard could feel her fingers trembling. It's the cold, she told herself, even though she knew better. The cold was not sinking this feeling into her gut. The cold was not stealing her breath away.
Hunching in her coat she worked her way down the CIC again, and back outside. Crossing the distance to the smaller section, the remnants of the helm, her eye caught something trapped in the frigid earth. Crouching, she brushed the thin snow away from it, then took hold and wrenched it out of its bed.
Twists of scorched and half-melted wire joined the blackened length of wood, tied to its sides by flat metal pieces. Holding the ruined guitar neck in her hands, Shepard stared at it until she heard Liara's footsteps approaching. Gritting her teeth, she cast the debris aside and continued on her way toward the shattered helm.
Watching her go, Liara's eyes drifted to the bit of wood she had thrown aside, her blue eyes glossing as she realized it was all that was left of Shepard's guitar. She remembered the first time she had heard Shepard play it. That was the day they had danced, and had almost shared their first kiss…before Joker's rather irritating interruption.
Liara would always remember the song, and the look of serenity that had passed over the human's features as she had played it. She had seen the true Del completely then, for the first time, apart from the mind melds. It was a Shepard who had not known the pain and hardship of her childhood, a Shepard not worn down by time, not haunted by death. Though Liara had very quickly had a strong attraction to the woman, an affection and an attachment, she still believed that this was the actual moment when she really fell in love…listening to that song, and watching her play.
Forcing her eyes away from the sad remnant on the snow, Liara followed after Shepard, who had disappeared within the helm. This was in even worse shape than the CIC, sheered away and so damaged by explosions that it was little more than a wall curving into the slope of the roof, and a patch of blackened equipment.
Liara's fingers drifted over the scorched, cold metal and she shuddered. The explosion here had been what had driven Shepard out into space. This was the closest either of them could ever really come to the exact spot where Shepard had died.
Her eyes fell on the human woman. She had seated herself in the shelter of the ruined consoles, knees drawn up under her pea coat. Her hands were resting on those knees, her synthetic eyes staring at the torn hole in front of her. Moving over, Liara seated herself beside her, wrapping her arms around Shepard as she lay her head against her shoulder.
Firmly, almost possessively, Shepard's hand gripped Liara's shoulder as well, and her cold cheek pressed against the asari's. Liara said nothing about the dampness…unsure if they were her tears, or Del's.
They sat there a long time, the sloping wall and their proximity protecting them from the cold. The tears, whomever they belonged to, had dried when Shepard finally spoke. "I remember it."
"The attack," Liara murmured, sitting back just enough to look into Shepard's eyes. Part of her cursed their mechanics, longing to see the woman's natural dark brown gaze looking back at her. The prosthetics made her eyes too distant, impossible to read.
"My death," Shepard admitted quietly. "I remember realizing I had no oxygen…reaching for the feeds, hoping to cut off the leak…but it was too late, they were too badly damaged."
Liara could feel her chest and throat clenching, but dared say nothing…not even to beg Shepard to be quiet. She had no desire to hear Shepard describe her final moments but she also knew it was something Del had to say, something she had to get through. Healing was always painful.
Shepard's black eyebrows knit, a strange expression crossing her face before she looked at Liara. "Just before I passed out, I-"
She broke off abruptly, brows knitting more tightly, eyes sliding away and shifting over the ruin as if to find some great truth imprinted there. Liara inclined her head in concern.
"What?" she asked gently.
"Nothing, it's…silly. I was suffocating. A brain not getting oxygen just…it does some weird shit."
"Tell me," Liara urged gently. Shepard looked at her hesitantly, then sighed, the breath causing a pale bloom of white to drift into the air…affirmation to them both, perhaps, that she was alive.
"I heard you," she said at last. Liara lifted her brows, blinked.
"M-me?"
"I heard your voice," Shepard told her. "I can't recall the exact words but…it was similar to what you would say to me, you know…during the first knowledge melds we shared. About…how everything is connected, and finding peace."
Wiping a glove over her face, cheeks still reddened by the cold, she shook her head. "This place brought it all back…being here, seeing the helm. Before, I couldn't remember anything after shoving Joker into the lifeboat."
Liara shifted, her face contemplative as she moved hip to hip with the commander, mimicking her position. Her hand stole up and found Shepard's, their fingers entwining.
"Del," she said slowly. "There…is a story, told among my people. My mother used to mention it, and I heard it from the Priestesses at the Temple..."
"What story?" Shepard asked, turning her head to look at her.
"The Goddess Athame is the embodiment of many things," she stated. "She has achieved true Perfection, has become pure, joined with all the universe. She is the stars, and the stars are her, and it is her energy that binds everything as one. She is Strength, and she is Compassion, and she is Rage and Hate and Vengeance as well…but above all of these things, she is Love."
Shepard looked at her, her expression slightly puzzled as Liara met her eyes. "It is said that at the moment of one's death, there is a brilliant light that transitions us from our physical form into the universe, brings us back to the Goddess's embrace until we are a part of her and eternity, forever. It is said that sometimes, the Goddess Herself will speak to a spirit that is just about to cross over, welcoming the very select of Her children home again."
Shepard searched her face, then smiled slightly, one corner of her mouth rising. "You think that I heard the Goddess?" she asked. "It wasn't a strange voice I heard, Liara. It was yours."
"The Goddess is Love," Liara emphasized. "Her voice is unique to whomever She speaks to, and takes on the embodiment of…"
Here, Liara blushed a little, her already cold-flushed cheeks darkening a bit more. "Well. The embodiment of whatever means Love to the person she speaks to. A sister, or a mother…or…"
She shook her head a little. "Anyway. I do not know," Liara admitted. "Perhaps you are correct. Perhaps it was nothing more than the lack of air, an auditory hallucination-"
Shepard gripped her hand harder, leaning over until her forehead rested against Liara's temple. "It doesn't matter," she murmured. "What matters is that, in whatever form…you were there with me at the end. You already know you're a Goddess in my eyes…"
Liara felt tears rush to her eyes and made no motion to brush them away, merely clung to the woman that meant more to her than life…and let the pain go.
Shepard and Liara were walking hand in hand as they left the wreckage, heading back to the patiently waiting group by the crawler. The ride back to camp was a silent one, even the affable Yoh respecting the weight of emotion in the air.
Near where the shuttle had initially landed was a small complex of prefab domes and structures that would house them until the following morning, when the actual ceremony would occur. Amidst the soft mounds of the domes more shuttles had landed. One, Shepard was surprised to note, was marked with the Cerberus emblem. The others were clearly Alliance.
"I'm sorry, Shepard, I should have told you," Hackett admitted as they climbed out of the crawler and approached the camp. "You…were not the only one that was invited to the ceremony."
Shepard frowned in confusion as they neared, catching sight of a cluster of people gathered around, before her eyes started to widen. Liara's faint gasp was impossible to miss.
Garrus, Tali, Joker, and Chakwas had clearly ferried down in the Cerberus shuttle, each bundled against the cold, Joker with a sheepish grin on his face. A krogan stood with his back to them, turning his head to reveal Wrex's scarred face.
He came all the way from Tuchanka? Shepard marveled.
The others…they were the Normandy crew, everyone who had served under her on the ship, everyone who had escaped with their lives. She saw familiar face after familiar face, slightly changed due to the passing years but still recognizable. More than one hand snapped up to a salute at her and Hackett's approach, and Shepard could feel her throat tightening.
Then a pair of forms parted the crowd. In the lead was Anderson, a small set of Council guardsmen lingering just a few feet away. Behind him came the biggest surprise of all.
Ashley regarded Shepard stoically as the group drew nearer, halting just at Anderson's shoulder. She stood stiff and straight, hands clasped behind her back…ever the marine. Anderson smiled, striding to meet Shepard and engulfing her in a tight hug, which she happily returned.
"I can't believe you're here," she said as he loosened his grip.
"Of course I'm here," he replied. "She was my ship too…once upon a time. Hackett and I pulled a lot of strings to get the surviving crew here."
"It wouldn't be right without them," Shepard agreed. Her eyes shifted to Ashley, who looked back blank-faced, unreadable.
Touching Anderson lightly on the shoulder as she stepped past him, she walked up to her former gunnery chief, regarding her evenly.
"I'm glad you came, Ash," she said.
"I owed it to the Normandy and the crew," Williams replied, then looked at Anderson. "If you'll excuse me, sir, I need to make sure the supplies for tonight are offloaded."
At his faint nod, she turned on her heel and strode away. Shepard felt that anger grip her again and lowered her head with a frustrated sigh.
"She fucking hates me," she muttered.
"She doesn't hate you," Anderson told her, lifting a hand to her shoulder. "She's simply trying to convince herself she does. I've told her time and again that you're not a traitor but you know Williams. Stubborn as a mule…a lot like her old CO."
Night had fallen and with it, the cold had only grown worse. The largest prefab structure was a solar tent that had been erected, acting as something of a 'community square' where everyone gathered to talk and eat and get away from the unforgiving freeze. Shepard, a beer cradled between her knees, sat among several of her old crewmates, talking and occasionally even laughing as they all reminisced.
To the other side of the tent, as physically as far from the Commander as she could get, Ashley was seated with the remains of her meal, talking with Yoh who had been her unceasing shadow since the moment they'd returned from the wreck.
She seems to be enjoying herself, Liara thought as she watched her friend, smiling at the volus and talking with animation. Glancing between Shepard and Williams, she shook her head, then steeled herself. Crossing the tent, giving a polite smile and nod toward Anderson as she passed, she walked up to Ashley's side.
The human woman glanced up at her, lifting a brow before nodding. "Liara."
"Ashley," Liara replied, then looked at the volus. "I am sorry to break this up my friend, but…would you mind allowing me and the lovely Ms. Williams to speak alone for a moment."
The volus sighed in lamentation. "I shall endure the parting somehow. My dear…I shall grieve every moment we are apart."
He bowed toward Ashley, who gave him a smirk, before he turned and trundled off.
"You know, he's not half bad," Williams commented after he'd gone, gesturing at a vacant seat. "He's pretty charming in his own way."
"He is a unique character," Liara agreed, taking the indicated seat. "If you are falling for him, Ash, I can suggest some volus courtship rituals. They fortunately have simple tastes, it seems, though an alarming number of their traditions include baked goods."
"Baked goods? Are you telling me volus are into cookies and cake?" Ashley laughed.
Liara smiled. "Well, they do not call them such of course…but you would be surprised at their wide array of confectionary…each with its own special occasion linked to it. For example, the volus dish rifdel is used to celebrate attaining one's mathematical degree-"
Ashley waved a hand with a smirk, cutting her off. "I see you haven't changed Li," she pointed out. "And I know you didn't come over here to talk about rifdel and volus mating rituals. So…might as well get it over with."
"Get…what over with?" Liara asked.
"The lecture," Ashley replied. "You're over here to tell me what a huge mistake I'm making about Shepard. Believe me, I've heard it a thousand goddamn times from Anderson and…fucking Garrus won't leave me alone about it. You know he's sent me twelve messages since Horizon?"
"Oh," Liara stated. "I did not know that. However you are mistaken. I did not come over here to…lecture you about Shepard, as you put it."
"Yeah, right," Ashley snorted, sitting back in her chair. "Then why are you here?"
Liara actually looked hurt a moment. "I came to speak with a friend I have not seen in two years."
Ashley stared at her, then her shoulders slumped. "Shit…Li, I'm sorry. I just…I didn't mean it. I…I'm just defensive, that's all. I keep getting beat over the head with everyone telling me how wrong I am about the Skipper and I guess I just thought-"
"It is all right, Ashley," Liara replied.
"No, it's not. I shouldn't have said that, I just…I just can't believe she'd do something like this! And…and Garrus and Tali and…even Dr. Chakwas? How can they think this is right? And you…Li, I'm sorry but…how could you…I mean…after the pain she put you through, faking her death like that?"
"She did not fake her death," Liara said with more venom than she'd intended, her blue eyes narrowing.
"C'mon, Li…you really believe that?" Ashley asked. "How can you-"
"I saw her body, Ashley," Liara said sternly. The former gunnery chief blinked, sitting back a little.
"You…what?"
"I saw her body," Liara told her. "I saved it from the Shadow Broker's men. I-"
She broke off, shaking her head, silent a moment. "I am sorry," she said at last. "I truly only did come over to see how you were doing. I am sorry, I will leave you alone-"
As she got to her feet, Ashley also rose. Perhaps it was the upset in the asari's eyes…or perhaps she recalled her own discussion with Shepard so long ago, about Liara and the timid archaeologist's discomfort with lying. Whatever the reason, Ashley reached out and caught her arm, looking weary but intent.
"Li, don't go…" she urged, then sighed and reluctantly added. "I…I think we need to talk…really talk."
Shepard's eyes narrowed across the way as she saw Liara get up from her seat, Ashley also rising and catching her arm. She could not hear what was being said, of course, but she could see the upset on the asari's face.
She was just about to rise herself when Liara lowered her head and nodded, resuming her seat. Ashley looked less aggressive now, more like her old self as they resumed their conversation. Eyeing the pair warily, Shepard decided to remain where she was…though she did keep an eye on them as the conversation wore on.
As the hour grew late, the crowd slowly thinned as folks started to make their way to their individual domes to sleep. Shepard bid goodnight to Tali, Garrus, and Wrex before glancing toward Liara and Ashley again. Seeing they were still intently talking and the asari no longer looked upset, she headed toward her own prefab.
Kicking off her boots and stripping down to a tank and shorts, Shepard lay back on the wide cot and tucked her hands behind her head, staring upward. Tired as she was, her thoughts were too chaotic to allow her to sleep. She didn't know what she preferred…being oblivious of her last moments after the Normandy's destruction…or remembering them in painful detail.
As good as it was to see all the old faces again it also left her feeling hollowed out, melancholy. She kept noting the faces that were absent; Pressley, Parks, and the others who had not survived. While most of the reunited crew seemed happy to see her, some looked at her like Ash did…with sorrow in their eyes, a sense of betrayal.
Only a few minutes after laying down the door slid open and Liara entered. Shifting her hands, Shepard half sat up, propping herself on her elbows as she looked at the asari.
"Li? You ok?" she asked. The asari said nothing, only kicked off her boots, peeling off her jacket before her shirt quickly followed. Shepard blinked as the woman swiftly stripped down to nothing, then seemed to surge onto the bed, grasping Shepard's face and all but engulfing her in an urgent kiss.
Falling flat with the asari spilling over her, Shepard more than eagerly responded, shocked to feel her eyes heating, to feel the same desperate urgency…the urgency to affirm that she was alive…that Liara was alive…and that they were together.
Liara awoke just after dawn, bundled deep under the blankets. Shepard was still asleep if the cadence of her breathing was any indication. During the night the pair had shifted and now Shepard was nestled against Liara's back, her arms loosely but possessively wrapped around the asari, the soft tides of her breath brushing over Liara's bare shoulder.
Moving softly so as not to wake her, Liara drew the human woman's arms more tightly about her, secure in her warmth. She colored a little as she remembered the night before. The urgency she had felt was unlike her…she was not one to be so forward and brazen, though of course Shepard had not seemed to mind.
She knew where it stemmed from, of course. She had told Ashley everything. Retrieving Shepard's body, Cerberus, their reunion…all of it. Speaking it all out loud, even to a friend, had only driven home once again how close she had come to losing the commander forever…and at the end she had desperately needed to affirm to herself that Shepard was alive. She needed to feel that bond, that oneness. She needed the reassurance.
Though everything had begun because Ashley had wanted to hear it, in the end it was more because Liara needed to say it. She did not know if the tale had changed her friend's mind any regarding Shepard but it had left her with hope, at least.
She heard the faint change in the pattern of her breathing a moment before Shepard stirred a little, slowly coming awake. When she felt the soft kiss on the crest of her shoulder, Liara murmured softly.
"Good morning."
"Morning," Shepard replied, pulling her a little closer and humming with contentment.
"The ceremony will be soon," Liara said after a long pause, ducking her head a little deeper into the piled blankets as if to avoid the reality of her own words. "We…should get up."
Shepard shifted, urging Liara to lay back and look at her, before dipping in and giving her a brief kiss. "You ok?" she asked.
"I have you," Liara replied with a smile, lifting one hand, the backs of her fingers drifting over Shepard's cheek. "How could I be anything but perfect?"
Shepard gave her that patented lopsided grin of hers, kissing the tip of her nose and then the side of her neck before they both reluctantly abandoned their warm cocoon to prepare for the day.
It took all the shuttles to ferry the large group to the crash site after breakfast. The other crewmen of the original Normandy-unlike Shepard-had not yet seen it, and most stood in solemn silence, regarding the remnants of their once beloved ship.
The ceremony itself was simple, the volus unveiling a pedestal and plaque that had been airlifted to the site just at dawn. Shepard regarded its bronze patina and the names etched thereon, before she looked up to see all eyes were fixed to her.
She realized with an internal jolt that she was expected to say something.
Fuck. I'm so horrible at speeches, she thought as she straightened, thinking frantically.
Standing stiffly, hands clasped behind her back, she cleared her throat. "I don't need to tell a single one of you what we lost here," she started. "None of us will ever forget them, and the sacrifice they made. I will not drag this out…I am not very good with words, but I will say this. Nothing we do will ever honor them enough if we do not ourselves live with honor, and continue the fight they gave their blood too."
Looking toward her lost ship, she stood in silence for a long moment, before someone approached. Looking at the unfamiliar private, she weighed him silently. He drew the pistol from his belt, turning it in his hand and offering it to her butt first. She nodded once as she accepted the weapon, and primed it.
Lifting her arm she aimed the gun toward the strip of sky just above the cliffside, just above the Normandy. Nearly everyone present, from Hackett to Tali to even Yoh Etat –who had procured a short-barreled rifle that was still almost as tall as he was- similarly aimed their weapons.
"Ready!" she barked. "Steady! Fire!"
Gunshots shattered the air simultaneously. A perfect beat later, another volley was unleashed, then a third. Seven times, the guns roared before falling silent. Lowering the pistol, Shepard offered it back to the private butt-first, and as he took it, he met Shepard's eyes and gave her a crisp salute.
"I will not miss the cold, that is for sure," Tali commented as she followed Garrus and Liara back onto the shuttle, ready to depart for the Normandy again.
"Just tell her that next time she crashes a ship, it had best be on a tropical world," Garrus teased, taking his seat. Tali looked back through the open door to see Shepard bidding Anderson and Hackett her good-byes…before she noticed Ashley heading toward them.
She had not been witness to the brawl the two human women had gotten into on Horizon but like everyone on the new Normandy, she had heard about it. She felt her stomach sink, hoping that this would not devolve into the same as she warily watched the pair, unaware that Liara was doing the same.
"Commander."
Shepard turned her head, feeling her shoulders stiffen as Ashley walked over. "Ash," she greeted, her tone neutral.
Sensing the tension, Hackett and Anderson both excused themselves, leaving the two women facing each other alone. They remained in silence a moment, before Williams cleared her throat, then wordlessly offered her hand.
Searching the other woman's eyes a moment, Shepard reached out and accepted it, gripping it tightly a moment before Ash suddenly tugged her forward, wrapping her other arm momentarily around Shepard's shoulders in a hug. "You take care of yourself out there, Skipper," she said roughly. "Come home soon, ok?"
Shepard returned the hug, closing her eyes momentarily, feeling relief coming over her. "You too, Ash…" she whispered back. "You too."