Standard Disclaimer
Well I'm on a new team now at work and its a lot more busy. I'm nervous about not being up to par with the others, but they've been there for years and I've been there for a week. So maybe be more relaxed. Pool is closing so I'm super sad, hope you get some final swims in!
X-X
With Nothing Else
Chapter – 19
Standing in the shower, Asuka just let the water cascade over her without any real care. Just another day of failure and pain. Why bother trying anymore, why bother with anything? Listlessly she reached for her shampoo and then just stopped. Hell with it, it wasn't worth it, nothing was. She hadn't even bothered turning the water on to hot, just cold. Getting out, she was heard a knock on the door so Shinji was likely wanting to get in. How long had she been in here? She lost track of time. Turning off the faucet she got out, "You can come in."
A few seconds later Shinji did come in, a small content grin on his face that instantly vanished when he saw her. "Asuka, why did you…" he hurried over to her and wrapped her in her big fluffy red towel. Not looking at her, he dried her as best he could without touching her in 'bad' places. Concern dripping off of him, "You trying to give me a heart attack, Asuka?" he tried sounding as if it was a joke.
"Have to keep you on your toes," Asuka did find a hint of warmth in her tone. Giving a shit about Shinji seeing her nude had long since vanished. He was family, true family not like her bastard surrogate father. But as his hands danced over her arms and legs, she just melted into it. Maybe something was worth living for, but even this had its drawbacks. He just kept hinting at asking her what was bothering her, and she would NOT talk to him about it. He was partly responsible for it, he was beating her and stealing her reason for being.
Once she was dry, well in safe enough places, Shinji handed over her school uniform and kept his back to her. "Feeling better about…you know?" Shinji staunchly kept his back to her. This was the 'weak pervert' she had mocked when she first met him, well that was just a stupid mistake. Once he heard enough to deem it safe, he turned with a frown, "Want to do something after school today?"
"I don't know, might go over to Hikari's," that was her standard answer. Never give up, never surrender! But giving up was sounding oh so sweet right now, but she was not defeated yet! She'd get her score back, take back her role as best, and then she'd rub it playfully in Shinji's face. "As for Kaji…I stopped caring about him a long time ago," she lied. Standing there looking awkwardly at one another for a few moments, they just let the air go thick. Part of Asuka hated the low feeling of affection she had for him, and she knew he was quite happy with Ritsuko and Maya now.
Not looking like he believed her, Shinji aborted a few questions and then just nodded. "Well if you want to talk or do anything I'm going to be here," he offered and left the anti-chamber and into the bathroom proper.
Stop, stop being so nice! Stop trying to get closer, stop being…stop being you! Asuka wanted to scream at him, to demand he stop with that insensate shattering of her carefully constructed walls. With so little left, she didn't want to force him to leave. And she could, it would be easy to do, just get him to move in with Maya and that would be the end of it.
Her hair still damp, as well as her inner thighs since Shinji hadn't bothered drying, the coward, Asuka found the table set with her favorite breakfast. Her stomach felt chill, as if a psychic hand slammed into it and stole the warmth. Her eyes itched, but she would not succumb to stupid emotions! Sitting down she started eating when Misato cracked open a can but did not let out her morning hoot. "What's wrong with you today, Akagi finally tell you your liver is ruined?" Asuka sniped.
"Oh, are you deeming me worthy of your presence today your grace? Should I bow or curtsy to you?" Misato dragged her chair away from the table. Something has shifted in the woman, Misato was not the same person she was a week ago, the happy-go-lucky personality was gone. In the place of that warm personality was a hard core of determination and anger. Well unless your name was Ikari Shinji, then she was downright possessive. Misato took to protecting him with a fierce and volatile earnestness. Eying the food, "You ask him to make this for you?"
Bitterness swelled in to replace the momentary reprieve, Misato was good for that. So Asuka got back at the woman where she can, "No, it's repayment for the blowjob I gave him after he got home from Akagi's. He wasn't quite done yet so I filled the role." It was the easiest way to get Misato's heckles up, woman hated hearing Shinji related to anything not 'Misato approved.' Damned hypocrite. Once Kaji was gone, if what Shinji said was true, Misato just moved on to the next male that gave her comfort.
"Don't say bullshit like that to me with a straight face. Look Asuka, I don't know what's gotten into you but you better pull it the shit out!" Misato slammed her open palm on the table. Jars of soy sauce and salt jostled and fell over, and a thick vein popped out in Misato's forehead. Jabbing her chopsticks at the western food, Misato eyed the bathroom where the water was heard running, and back at Asuka. Low and conspiratorial, "Don't you fuck with him. He's had enough bad luck, and this whole arrangement he's got going on seems to be working. Do NOT ruin that for him."
Didn't she deserve some happiness too, or was Misato ok with her just living miserably? She didn't want to fuck Shinji. But in the dark hours of the night, when the loneliness was crushing and she had nothing else, Asuka wondered if maybe just once they might… No, that was weakness and she HAD to be strong. "What afraid he'd prefer somebody his own age and not some old scag? Or are you worried if I did do anything, it'd prevent you from going in to steal him from them? Don't think I haven't seen how you've changed," Asuka challenged.
"Shut your damn mouth!" Misato's hand was still extended post slap. Raw seething anger, maybe a small hint of worry there to, Misato's chest heaved as she took in mighty breaths. Deep, low, and steady she just bore down with a killers instinct. Gripping the table's edge, that cold emotionless gaze came back, "I have changed, I don't take him for granted anymore. Shinji was there for me in a time I really needed somebody. And I aim to repay all he's done for me. If you could get that stick out of your ass, you'd see he is trying to do the same for you. But you don't see what others do for you, do you?"
Not answering with words, Asuka just ate her food with as much relish as she could. What little pain she did feel from that love tap quickly faded as she just absorbed Misato's anger. A new tick in Misato's armor, her relationship with Shinji. It wasn't sexual, Asuka wasn't that stupid to misunderstand comfort and something deeper. But knowing Misato, Asuka knew the woman was more prone to self-reproach. Did the all high and mighty captain fear she'd do something in some drunken haze? Not going to happen on, Asuka's watch.
Finishing her food, she actually washed her plate, and without another word just smugly grinned at Misato and left. Opening the bathroom door, she got a flash of her roommate, "I'm heading off now, I have a few things I need to do at school. Taking my lunch." A flash of warmth hit her between the legs, but she dismissed it. Knowing what she did now about carnal things, she did have a flash of envy. Turning around to see Misato glaring at her, Asuka just waved at her and left in a flash. Best to not push to hard, Misato would strike if that line was crossed.
"Now what to do, what to do," Asuka asked herself as she wandered slowly on her way to the school. What little friends she had there were gone, bridges not just burnt but sent to ash. Not that they ever really mattered to her, they were just tools for usage. If Chidori was around Asuka could have twisted that little mental blade deeper, especially if Shinji had been right. Kensuke and the bitch were likely going to split soon. HAH! The high and mighty cheerleader dumped by a computer geek? Oh Asuka hoped that happened. "Maybe I can see what's happened to that other one, the wet-rat," Asuka wondered. OH how rich would it be of Sakura got pregnant or something, well a girl could hope.
Sadly the room hadn't been empty like she wanted, Ayanami was there. Sitting, staring out the window with that odd smile on her face. The moment Asuka walked in, the girl turned, waved, and went back to the window. Freaky, just want everybody loved to see. Oh the boys still came trying, and they all left packing, and in a few cases bruised and battered. The rarer cases, they left dead eyed and stupid. Asuka saw it, and she was going to keep that freak away from Shinji.
"Oh didn't expect you to show up so early, Asuka. Something up?" Hikari came into the room with a stack of papers. Already a little sweaty from all the morning work she was doing, the dutiful class rep was putting papers on every desk. "Can't believe this, they're contingency plans in case we have to go to different schools. Think it will come to that?" Hikari handed Asuka hers.
Taking half of the stack, Asuka helped her friend as a good companion should. "We can't tell what will happen, but if it's up to me you'll not have to," Asuka had to try and sound confident. Failing against the angels was what would cause Hikari to leave, her failures would cause her friend to leave. She couldn't fail. She wouldn't. Getting to Ayanami, "What the hell are you smiling about freak?"
"Oh, last night. Caught him on his way home, it's everything I've wanted and more. I was a little demanding, but well he continues to exceed my hopes," Rei took the note, balled it up, and threw it perfectly into the trash.
Wait, Ayanami WAS with a guy? Last time she showed any interest since she got off her whore kink was Shinji. Hadn't he been late getting home from his date with whoever it was last night? Asuka had written it off as just a date going late…but what if? No, Shinji would have said something! "Who are you talking about?" Asuka just had to ask.
Rei didn't answer, just continued to look out the window. About to grab hold of that dolls collar, Asuka felt a coldness encroach up her legs and spread through her abdomen. Not now, run and stay safe. Putting the papers on the last of the desks, she skipped Shinji and hers. No point, they couldn't leave. "Say you got anything going on tonight? Thinking maybe a late movie or something, my treat," Asuka joined Hikari at her desk.
"Can't, Nozomi needs me to go to some class pagent. You're welcome to come with me to that, but you'll be super bored I bet," Hikari was working on the class attendance sheet. Three more 'removal' sheets next to it was more proof that they had an ever dwindling class. After erasing the names, her shoulders sagging, "If you want though, could you ask Ikari-kun to come too? I think it would make Nozomi's day to finally meet him. Knock some of the illusion she made about him away."
Or make them worse, Asuka wondered. "I'll ask him, but I don't know if I want to see some little kids play. You're sister doesn't seem to like me," neither of Hikari's sisters liked her much. She got along alright with Kodama, but Nozomi was just a kid and kids were annoying. Falling into idle chatter, they passed the time before people started to show.
The day went the way most did anymore, slow and with the bitter reminder of the times. More and more empty seats each week, parents taking their kids out of school to go someplace safer. And through it all the old man talked about 'the better days' of winter, spring, and fall. Asuka ate lunch with Shinji and Hikari on the roof. Both her friends had that worried look, but they were smart enough not to push. Again though, that darker part of her mind, forbidden from her forebrain, she wanted them to. Fear mixed with anger, the last wall she had, final leg to stand on, was her self-reliance.
With the day ending, Asuka and Shinji found themselves walking home together. The highlight of the school day was Kensuke and Chidori getting into a shouting match. Chidori actually accused Kensuke of cheating on her, he denied it, and they just made a scene. Rei had again made her creepy stare at Shinji, but said and did nothing.
"Say…why were you late getting home last night?" Asuka had to ask as they walked. If he was off with Rei again, Asuka was going to put in some pain, he shouldn't make those mistakes. Just walking, she felt at peace, no falling test scores, no dead Kaji, no cramps, just trust.
Blushing a little, Shinji stalled his walking for just a moment before rushing to catch up. "W-well Ritsuko-san wanted to try cooking for Maya-san and me yesterday…it didn't go well. So I had to make something after we got the smoke out of the apartment," Shinji's body language spoke more. He was telling the truth, it was just him and those older women. No Rei, no freak…good.
"Well I won't ask you to cook for us today, I've some money to order out," Asuka could be gracious when she wanted. They entered the apartment, thankfully Misato was gone and her note said she'd be late. Even better, just the two of them and relaxing. Dropping her bag by the door, she fell on the couch and grabbed the remote. "What you want to do today then?" she watched him sit, eying him carefully.
Kicking his feet up on the table, he had those stress lines by his eyes, but at least was relaxing a little. Guess he did miss Kaji as well, she tried not to admit she cared, but she'd let Shinji carry that load for both of them. "Anything is good. A day at home with nothing to worry about is good. I'll get my homework done later," he was setting up the offer for her. If she wanted to play games, watch movies, do anything he'd be game. So they watched movies, Asuka ordered some food, they ate and relaxed.
By the end of the night, both of them were on the couch, close together, side by side and it was bliss for Asuka. Not sexual, just…nice. She held his hand, leaned her head on his shoulder, and just let got for a moment. "Shinji…" she was going to say it, tell him her fears and her problems…let him in that last little bit.
"Yeah, what is it?" he asked carefully, eyes still on the television that played the last little bit of the horror movie. How could this silly movie scare him, he fought real monsters, yet his hand would twinge and grasped in time with the scares on screen. This thumb ran small circles over the soft padding of her hand, reassuringly and coaxingly.
"I…I'm glad we could spend this time together. You've been so busy with…your girlfriends…I've missed this," she chickened out. She just couldn't! So she admitted a half fact, and felt and heard him exhale hard. When she was ready…when she was ready she'd confess. They fell asleep on the couch, when she woke in the morning she was in her bed and covered. He had carried her, when did he get strong enough to do that?
X-X
Sitting on the floor, staring at his school work, Shinji scratched his head with his pencil. The work wasn't complicated or hard, he just couldn't concentrate on it. Not for lack of trying though, Misato was on the couch laughing at some odd comedy show on the television. It was a game for her, whenever he would start getting deep into the work, she'd laugh overly hard. He'd look to the screen, trying to see what was so funny, back to Misato, and then his work again. She had to be messing with him, he could tell a fake laugh when he heard one. His attention, that's all she wanted.
"Alright, you win Misato-san," Shinji shut his book and leaned back against the couch. Her hand went draped over his shoulder possessively instantly. That had been happening since the incident over a week ago with the phone call. Not overly clinging or demanding, just constantly there. If Misato was home, she was in the room with him unless it was the bathroom, watching him cautiously. Patting her hand, "So what are we watching?"
Shifting on the couch, laying down now her hand trailed across his neck before it went to her pillow. "Never leave a woman waiting Shin-chan. You need to pick up subtle clues better. As for what we're doing, it's talking. How are things with Ritsuko and Maya doing?" she let out a small yawn. Shinji heard her walking around the apartment at night, she was hardly sleeping. After a checking of rooms, insuring the two pilots were 'sleeping', Misato booted up a computer and worked.
How were things with Ritsuko and Maya? Well Shinji had to admit they were great, far more than he thought possible in the start. A pairing of three still seemed impossible, but they were making it work. Ritsuko and Maya were spending time together right now, and he wasn't feeling left out or lonely at all. They all got time with one another together and apart from the third, no jealousy, and nothing forced. Yeah, Shinji still had some misgivings with the age difference, yet they never talked down to him.
"It's going really well, Misato-san. Not perfect, nothing is, but they're treating me like I would want to be, and I hope I'm doing the same," Shinji admitted. Stretching his feet out under the coffee table, he rubbed his shoulders against the couch to get a better position. He wanted to ask her, wanted to ask Misato how SHE was, but like Asuka if he pushed too fast to hard Misato would just go into tease mode and it wasn't gentle. But he wasn't going to let her suffer alone, he proved that after her breakdown. "How are you, Misato-san, you look tired," he peeked at her as she lay there.
Shifting a little, she put a hand on top his head and let it rest there. "I'm…getting better, Shin-chan. And you're a big part of that, and I thank you for that. Hurts, I know how you feel now, well how you felt," Misato did not have her flirty tone. More rustling of clothing on cushion as she bucked on the couch a bit. Another loud yawn was followed by, "And you're right, sleep is hard right now. I have dreams, bad dreams. Of Kaji, of you, of failing everybody and the angels winning…but right now…"
Soft breathing, level and rhythmic, caught his attention, so Shinji allowed himself to smile. Peeking fully at her, she was in fact sleeping. "Getting you to admit things is a start," Shinji was afraid she would keep it all in. He had tried that, putting up the face that nothing was wrong or changed, and it nearly destroyed him. She was stronger than he was, and he was proud to be part of that strength. Watching the television, it truly was a stupid show…a world were a dirty joke was illegal how dumb was that? Now if only he could get Asuka to talk, hell if he could get her to be home more often would be better.
Sadly Shinji's wish for Misato to get a nice afternoon and night sleep was not to be, both Misato's and his phone rang at the same time. She jerked awake so fast, hand to chest and hair flying about, Shinji couldn't help but think heart attack! The call was what they always dreaded, an angel, and the pair were in Misato's car and speeding towards Nerv in under five minutes. Smartly not distracting the driver as she tore down the streets, they parted ways the moment they got to base. Asuka would already be loaded, she had stayed after morning tests to get additional training. Rei…he didn't want to think about her.
"I'm ready to deploy, Misato-san," Shinji announced when he loaded the plug into Unit-01. The LCL was primed and loaded, his lungs saturated with that noxious fluid, and his adrenaline was already pumping. Screens showed both Asuka and Rei already suited up and ready. Various other view screens popped up showing an odd angular creature made seemingly out of light. "It's so high up? Can we even hit that thing?" Shinji wondered aloud.
Ritsuko's image appeared instead of Misato's, looking exasperated and a trifle angry, "We don't know. It's in lower earth orbit. The only thing we know for sure is that its pattern blue and it's slowing its decent." A close up of the angel started to cause Shinji to have a headache, it was odd and wrong how the light pulsated. "We're going to launch Unit-02 first to get intel on it, Unit-00 will be backup. Unit-01 is still on lockdown," she gave Shinji an apologizing look.
"Just get me up there and I'll show you how this is done," Asuka grunted through some pain. Oh Shinji knew what time of the month it was for her, she demanded sausage and eggs for breakfast. She always asked for that when the pain got to her.
He hated this, watching Asuka and Rei going off while he is stuck here just watching. "Can't you let me go too? What good am I here if I have to sit here and do nothing?" Shinji pleaded to anybody that would listen. Nobody did, they turned him out as they launched Asuka to the surface, and he felt his anger rising. What was so special about Unit-01 that it was now deemed so special? Shinji knew his father would care if he died, so it HAD to be Unit-01 that got his dad's attention.
"Just sit back and watch me show you how it's done, Shinji. I can do this all on my own, I WILL do this on my own," Asuka finally spoke to Shinji. For a moment, one brief flaring second, he could see the old Asuka shine through. Confident, cocky, brilliant, and full of life but it was crushed out as soon as he saw it. From the camera's on the street, Shinji watched Unit-02 lift a mighty weapon, take aim, let lose a volley, and then all hell broke lose.
The best way to describe the next ten seconds was sheer panic. A beam of light struck Unit-02, at first nothing and then Asuka started screaming, the command crew were shouting over one another about what was happening, and Shinji's heart just sunk.
Booting up the start up sequence, Shinji was not going to just sit here! He saw what happened when he took a chance and helped Misato, he was not going to sit back for this one! "Let me go up there now or I'll carve my way up there! Let me go NOW!" Shinji increased the volume of his output so he cut over them. He could hear Asuka start to cry out shrilly about something invading her mind.
"Denied, you will remain on lock down," Gendo was not having it, "if you don't power down now I will have you removed. Ayanami, get the lance."
Well that was it then, Shinji was going to have to force the issue. Tearing out of the restraints he heard everybody telling him to stand down, no doing. "I'm using elevator 5, either you launch it or I'll climb it. You can try to knock me out if you want, all you're doing is killing yourselves if you do," he got to the elevator and stood there waiting. For a few mind sheering seconds he thought he'd have to start the manual accent, but then he saw Maya's sweet face, she nodded, and then he felt himself rocketing up to the surface.
Jumping the last few yards out of the top, Shinji vaguely heard the commander ordering Maya be detained. He'd deal with that later, she was so going to get some pampering when he got back. "I'm coming Asuka!" he screamed and barreled towards her. More calls from her stuck him deeply and enraged him all the more. Nobody hurt her, not anymore, not while he could do something about it! With a diving tackle, Shinji shoved Asuka out of the beam of light and feel right into it.
Time stopped as he willed Unit-01 to turn over, and he was staring right into the pure whiteness of that beam. That's when he felt it, the prickling sensation in the back of his head, ants crawling over his brain and poking and probing deeper and deeper. It started with a small pain and ramped up to migraine in seconds as the alien sensation dug up dead and buried memories like a dedicated gravedigger. Images started to assail his mind, forced to re-experience as if they just happened.
His mother's absorption into Unit-01, his time with his Rei, his abandonment by his father, Kensuke and Touji joking around, Rei's accident, Asuka crawling into his bed, his uncle accusing him of stealing. Flashes of good, bad, and other just besieged him…then he saw new memories…ones he didn't actually remember. Ayanami breaking into his confinement cell, Ayanami entering the apartment, and him mindlessly being doing what she said. Ayanami commanding him, taking him, having him do all sorts of things…perverting what made Rei special to him!
"Oh god…make it stop…please make it stop," Shinji tried to force out the images, to make it end. It didn't end, it only focused on those new images of Ayanami and him. How could this have happened? When could she have done this? Why didn't he remember! Don't show these things! It couldn't have happened like this, it couldn't be real! But it was! He felt it, he now remembered it! He felt the tears leaving his eyes only to melt into the LCL, "How could this happen!? Stop it!" he raged.
And then it was gone, he was back to the silence of his mind and the alien presence was gone. When the initial shock wore off, Shinji saw it…saw her! Unit-00 was standing post throw, awkward and unbalanced. Leaping to his feet, his ands tingling, Shinji and Unit-01 let out a bestial roar, both core and pilot's wants co-mingled. "YOU! WHAT ARE YOU?" Shinji screamed as he pounced on Unit-00 and took it to the ground.
Unit-00 fought back meagerly before Unit-01's feet and legs pinned it down. Drawing his fist back to destroy that bitch's head, Misato's face popped up. "Shinji-kun you have to stop this! You have to stop now, or things will get bad. I don't know what you're talking about, nobody does, but you can't destroy Unit-00! Think of…" Misato tried reasoning with him.
"NO! You don't know what she did to me! You weren't there, you didn't see! What she made me do, what she did to me…what…what…" Shinji just felt disgust rising up in him. Ever memory of what Ayanami had done to him, was a parody of what he and his Rei had done, it made it dirty, made him feel as if his skin was rancid and marred! She had to pay for this, she was a monster! Gritting his teeth he pulled his fist back again ready to crush that skull, pull out the plug, and crush it, "She has to go…you won't be able to stop her! She'll just do it again!"
Shaking her head no, Misato was cold and callous, "You don't mean that. This isn't you Shin-chan. The angel, the angel put this anger in you. Come back, come back to the person you are. This isn't it. This isn't you. Just calm down and think straight. Whatever you think you saw, whatever the angel did to you, it's all fake."
It wasn't though, and Shinji knew it. All those images he saw, they were all real. His mother…Shinji looked around the entry plug and realization hit him. "M-mother?" he asked the hulking form of Unit-01 and it roared in defiance. But the fight was out of him, the plug ejected while he was distracted. Ten minutes later he was sitting next to Asuka behind 'do not cross' contamination tape.
"Don't say a word, don't talk, don't even look at me Third," Asuka said as she hugged her legs to her chest. Unit-02 and Unit-01 were being lowered down back into the pits, and the two just sat there. "She saved…you saved me and she saved you…at least she didn't save me. I'd rather be dead than owe HER anything," Asuka spat out full of abhorrence. "Do you know what that thing did to my mind!? Do you know what it DID to me?" she turned on Shinji with a face full of pure hate.
Oh he knew, and Shinji let her know it. "I saw my mother being absorbed into Unit-01. I saw ever good and bad thing that ever happened to me, thrown in my face. I saw…that THING do…do…" Shinji clenched his teeth so hard it drew blood. The rage was back, Asuka wasn't the only one that suffered here, he didn't blame her, but he wouldn't let her act as if she was the only one! "I saw everything I tried to keep out…so yes I DO KNOW," he practically spat in her face.
A sound, a mixture of a cry and a scream, left her lips and Asuka pounced on Shinji much like he had done Unit-00 earlier. But she didn't have as easy a time getting her fingers around his throat, he fought her. Then she kneed him between the legs, grabbed his head and slammed it against the ground. "You can't know! You…You…I hate this! I hate everything! I hate you…I hate-hate-hate…myself. You…you hate me know don't you," she just collapsed on top of him, bucking in silent captured sobs.
"No, I don't. I can't, never will," Shinji's body hurt and his mind still felt raw and violated. His head felt sticky, likely bleeding from the abuse Asuka just applied to it. He didn't care, he just wrapped his arms around Asuka. She rebelled at the start, fierce corded muscles fought against one another, until she relented. She lay flat atop him, and they just stay there. It was two hours later when Misato came to them. She didn't pass the contamination line. Shinji was going to be reprimanded again for going against orders, but since they both needed a time in quarantined to insure they weren't affected the punishment was going to be negated. She didn't take a statement, she didn't even really look at them.
No matter, they were put in the same cell, and that meant they weren't alone in their suffering. And slowly they both started to talk about what they had been shown by the angel. Asuka was taken aback by Shinji's statement about his mother, and broke nearly everything in the room when he said what he saw with Ayanami. When it was her turn to talk about her mother, more forced to it after Shinji's admission, Shinji sat dumbstruck and horrified…they had both suffered so much…but at least they had support now.
X-X
Pacing around her apartment on feet that never fully touched the ground, Maya was beside herself with anxiety. In her 'office', Ritsuko was doing something that she wouldn't tell her about. Office was a grandiose term for her spare bedroom that she had her desk, books, and small collection of unicorn posters and stuffed animals. It had been a hobby she enjoyed in her youth and just couldn't get rid of. The first time Ritsuko and Shinji were allowed to enter that room, she had held her breath in shame that she need not have had. Now she was hoping Ritsuko just stay in there.
"When she comes out then I have to hear what she has to say," Maya gripped her elbows hard. Head dipped low, a mini version of the thinker without the hand to chin, she just couldn't relax. After her action of using the elevator, she had been temporarily relieved of duty, and her boyfriend was put into quarantine. Picking up Camo, she put the little furry animal absently, "Well she knows how he is, so at least I know more than Katsuragi." But even then, Ritsuko didn't tell Maya much about Shinji and Asuka's condition.
Sitting on the couch, her legs bouncing about like mad, Camo ran off to hunt some insect. Turning on the television, she saw the news showing images of catastrophic damage. "That poor girl," Maya remembered the fight so clearly. The beam that triggered this madness started with Asuka having an itchy trigger finger. That massive weapon she had been given had been discharged at random in the girl's panic and rage. No district had been spared damage, some lighter and others harder, but the reporters were going over the dire story with a finger distinctly pointed at Nerv. Then Shinji stopped her rampage, and he suffered for it. Not that it mattered, Asuka was nearly out of ammo anyway…she sent him up there and now he had suffered for it. "And I might lose my job," a small price she knew but without it she'd have no hope in getting another in Tokyo-3 right now.
"You can relax now Maya-chan, I took care of things," Ritsuko said as she opened the door to Maya's private room. Rubbing a crick out of her neck, she had her laptop under her left arm, and the near smile that Maya loved on her face. She swapped the laptop for her lab coat and started getting prepped to leave. "I did a minor update to the programming to the elevators. Now it's defaulted to activate the elevators whenever a key is hit while a pattern blue is detected while it's selected. Honestly it is a good idea, but now it's just an accident that you worked the platform," she reclaimed her laptop.
Confused by the news, Maya joined Ritsuko at the door, "What do you mean it's a good idea? And why are you leaving…I thought we'd spend the day together. I…don't want to be alone right now." Not with the memory of Shinji's screaming, of his cries, and his blind attack of Ayanami.
"When an angel attacks, people tend to breakdown. Viewing those things has caused more than one person just to lock up. Leaving the Eva's on an unused platform while we need them up top is a horrible idea. So all you did now was accidentally hit your keyboard," Ritsuko handed Maya over her laptop. Rooting through the keys on Maya's coffee table, she found hers and swatted Maya's bicep playfully, "And our little man is out of quarantine as of one o'clock today. So I figure we go pick them up, take Soryu back to Misato's and see what happens."
No, not yet, Maya wasn't ready yet to see him! "But won't he be furious at me? I mean if I had followed orders he'd not have been forced to endure what he had!" Maya still found herself putting her shoes on. The want to see the man in her life warred with the fear she had. Shinji was kind to a fault, forgave nearly everything, and she knew that. Didn't make it easier on her own conscious, but she wasn't fearing the end of this wonderful pairing they were trying. The wave of humidity hit them the moment the walked outside, and the new view Maya had from her apartment thanks to the nearby buildings destruction, "And is taking Soryu-kun a good idea?"
"She's better off now than she would have been had you not let Shinji go," Ritsuko confessed. Hands stuffed in her pockets, the woman clenched at the pack of smokes in there but abstained. Maya's comment about her smoking was working. Making their way to the street and the car Nerv provided thanks to the trains being offline, "The psychic assault was bad on both of them, but had he not gotten to her, she'd have been under its influence far longer. And since it wasn't Ayanami that got her out of that thing, she wasn't nearly as mentally crushed."
Getting into the car, she strapped in and watched Ritsuko work the shift. Having never gotten a license, this whole ordeal was mystifying to Maya. Hands and feet working in concert to move levers and push pedals was quite daunting. Falling into silence, the radio was going over the major closures in Tokyo-3 thanks to the last attack. A lot of residences were gone, all property lost, a few factories were wiped out, many businesses were closed…the city was effectively crippled. And they had to stay here in it. Maya felt she got off easy for her act. Not even reprimanded, just a week without pay and locked in her worries.
It took longer to get into the base than it would have normally taken, but with so many roads needing repairs it wasn't stunning. Funny, the closer they got to Nerv the better it all got, and the base was untouched by Unit-02's barrage. But the eyes of the other workers were on her, at least she thought, as they went into the elevator and down to the sealed off areas of the labs. Nearing their destination, Maya took hold of Ritsuko's hand and pulled her to a stop, "A-are you sure he's not upset with me? Does he blame me?"
"Only you blame yourself for anything. He wanted to save Soryu-kun from the pain she was suffering, it's his way and we both know this," Ritsuko drew Maya into a light hug. Giving her a squeeze, Ritsuko had her normal stern expression on that she wore like a mask at work. So few people knew the true woman behind that stony beauty, the soft and fragile foundation that kept the steel casing in place. A few muted comments from other lab techs got Ritsuko to push Maya away softly, "Now let's get them and get out of here. The longer we stay the higher the chances they drag us into the recovery efforts."
Maya let Ritsuko go the last of the way on her own, needing a few more moments to collect herself. Last time she saw Shinji in the flesh had been a double date night…he was smiling and laughing. Would he now? A few minutes later Ritsuko came back with Shinji and Asuka in front of her, both teens had their heads hung low and moved in slow loping strides. Soryu looked worse, that was a fact, pale and listless while Shinji seemed a coiled spring ready to unload. "H-hey you two…g-glad to be out of there?" Maya felt so stupid for her question.
"Huh-Maya-chan? Oh…didn't know you'd be here too. Y-yeah nice to be able to walk around," Shinji blinked rapidly. That stunned confusion shifted from morose to a near ghost like smile that Maya might have just imagined. Gently taking Asuka's hand as the girl stalled, "Be nice to get some better food to. How have you been?" If he held any malice towards anybody, he was keeping it against his chest like he did most things.
That hand hold, Maya licked her lips and gave Ritsuko a quick glance. Did that mean anything beyond the support it looked like? Ritsuko just gave her a reassuring head nod, and they flanked the teenagers and headed back to the car. "Well I was worried about you, both of you," she corrected when Asuka's head flinched a little. Uncertainty was the word of the day kids, Maya just didn't know what to do or say. Was things different, were they the same, what was the real status of things? "Personally I've had the last few days off," she almost said why but that idea lost steam fast.
"Well isn't that good for you. We have to be poked and prodded by bastards, and you got to have a small vacation. How fair that is. We get looked at like we're about to burst into a mass of tentacles or we're monsters and you two were probably just fucking," Asuka said lazily as she got into the car. Not bothering to strap in or even to shut the door, Asuka continued to glare at Maya.
Shutting the door for Asuka, Ritsuko got back into the driver's side as the others climbed in. "Maya wasn't being very truthful. She was actually under administrative leave for launching Shinji against orders. She almost lost her job over it," Ritsuko was quick to defend, both were equally lacking in emotion. After the car coughed into action, sputtering and spitting out a cloud of smoke, she finished, "She wasn't in the end. And even if we were, Soryu, would it change anything?"
"Should I thank her then? Is that what you're trying to get me to do, Akagi? Or did you want me to go down on her like you do? Would that be a fitting payment after having my mind raped?" Asuka shifted in her seat. Her tone was docile borderline bored as she watched the scenery pass by. "We relieve the most painful memories of our lives, things we never wanted to remember we relived…and you were having sex, sounds fair," Asuka shifted to lean against Shinji and look out his window.
Sucking in her breath, Maya found her hand was trembling. Grabbing hold of the door's armrest she forced herself to calm down. Asuka was just venting and angry, she didn't mean to hurt but did so out of some defense mechanism. "D-did you want to talk about it? It helps to talk about things like that. Life sadly isn't fair, and if we had our way neither of you would had that happen to you, neither of you. But we're here for you, whenever you need us," Maya found it easier to talk to them when she couldn't see them.
"I remember what happened to my mother now," Shinji said with a strange finality to it. When he did though, Maya saw Ritsuko's hands shift suddenly and tighten hard. What did that mean? Hadn't his mother died in the activation test of Unit-01? He let out a shuttering breath and launched into his next little tidbit, "And I was shown what Ayanami did to me…I never want to be around her alone again. I…I'm not ready to talk about it, but never leave her alone again, never."
In a rush of action, Asuka launched herself forward and turned off the radio before falling back into the backseat. "If I see that bitch I will kill her if I can. Keep her away from both of us. And if it pleases the two of you, can we have some silence now? We've been questioned constantly for the last week, a little peace and quiet would be ever so lovely," the fake sweetness in Asuka's voice was cloying.
"Just let them having this right now Maya-chan," Ritsuko said softly. Taking the tech's hand in hers, she gave it a squeeze while she drove. The let the squealing of the engine and tires fill in the lull of conversation. Asuka would mutter a few soft unknown words to Shinji, and he'd reply. Maya was going to be an adult about this, both of those pilots suffered a massive trauma and she'd not make it worse by being selfish here. Once they got the Katsuragi apartment, Maya's heart did sink a little as Asuka dragged Shinji out with her. "We're going to have to let this play out, Maya-chan. She needs him right now, and when we can be there for him we will be," Ritsuko got out and followed at a small distance.
They watched the pair ahead of them, close but not touching one another, and accepted it. Both of those pilots had experienced a pain nobody else really could fathom. It would take time, and maybe with this Asuka could start the long road to recovery, a road she had needed for a long time. When they got to the apartment's floor, Maya saw something she hadn't expected. Misato stood before them, and nobody else, apparently the good Major put the two inside and shut the door. Never had Maya seen Misato so…dangerous?
"Thanks for bringing them both home, I've been busy with learning a few things," Misato had her arms crossed and her jacket on. Meeting the pair half way down the hall, her sidearm was showing under that flack-jacket. Oh how close her hand was to that hidden threat, "Going to take some time to talk to those two. Get them to start to get over this, so I'll ask you both to politely just leave. Now."
Maya made the mistake of not seeing Ritsuko take a step back, "But we had wanted to try getting Shinji-kun to…to…" Misato had taken that one step closer, and towered over Maya. How could that light hearted and often flirty woman just shift to being so terrifying?
"You two are leaving now. I have my own plans and they supersede yours today. I won't comment on how you violated orders and caused a lot more troubles than we need right now. But if you need to have some issues to deal with. Maybe you can ask Ritsuko what she knows about Ayanami, what she REALLY is. Or what we have in the depths of Nerv, she knows about it. I'm going to see about fixing the damage you caused Maya. I'll see both of you tomorrow at Nerv, we have so much to talk about," Misato twisted Maya around and shoved her into Ritsuko's arms.
Confused and jilted, her unknown wants suddenly dashed, Maya just waited for Ritsuko to respond. Fury, not at her but Misato, Ritsuko just shook her head. At the apartment, Ritsuko's this time, the woman did open up and let a lot of the dirty truths of Nerv be let known. Maya thought she handled it well, she only vomited.
X-X
She hated doing this, but Misato needed answers and confirmations and she needed them now. Kaji's last little gift to her, playfully put inside her after their second to last pairing, was just rife with conspiracy and trouble. Having seen some of Nerv's secrets already, she hadn't discounted it already, in fact it made a lot of sense. The commanders were plotting something that wasn't just humanities survival, they had masters other than the UN, and double agents were everywhere. So she waited for a day for Asuka to take a trip to the Hokari household and Shinji to have a date with Maya she pounced.
Pacing in one of the lesser used hallways of Nerv, as time passed many more of those came about, Misato waited for Ritsuko. "Was Kaji being paranoid or is she still working for Gendo?" Misato mused with growing worry. If it was true, damned if Ritsuko missed her calling as an actress. Such thematic and pure outpouring of raw emotions over the 'failed relationship', if fake, was masterful. Peeking down the hall, the sound of footfalls, Misato saw her target. Gritting her teeth she waited for her chance, "Play with his heart like a toy and I'll rip yours out."
Ritsuko shambled on tired and shaky legs down the hall, her lab coat was disheveled and uneven. Walking past Misato's hiding place, she stopped to yawn and check her watch. The moment she stopped walking, Misato went into action. Sidearm drawn and put against the small of Ritsuko's back, the exhausted scientist put her hands up slowly and let her smoke fall from her hand to the ground. "You do love dramatics don't you Misato. Got a point for this one, or are you going to go the 'don't talk to my boy' route? Because I'm willing to fight this time," Ritsuko did not fill Misato with doubt.
"I need to get into Terminal Dogma again, and this time I need to see everything. After hearing him talk in his sleep, and talking to Asuka when she's stable, I'm done waiting for you to come clean," Misato pulled the barrel away from the back. It had only been a few days, but each time she listened to Shinji talk in his sleep it was always a nightmare of Ayanami. Asuka was not even humoring Misato with fake pleasantries right now, all it was anymore was vitriol and spite with a few rare moments of sanity. Gently pushing Ritsuko towards the elevator Kaji and she took before, "You hinted at knowing what was happening here, but you feared for your life, well I'm adding that fear again."
Slowly and tellingly moving her hand back to her pocket, Misato watching like a hawk, Ritsuko pulled a small key ring out of her pocket. "I suspected you'd do this eventually. Kaji passed you some information didn't he," she spun the keys around her finger. Stepping into the elevator she turned around defiantly and actually smiled warmly at the bitter Misato. Standing right up close to the woman, nearly touching in quite the intimate way, she reached past Misato and put the key into a hidden slot. "I was expecting this, I'm running some diagnostics on the security down there now. We've two hours before we have to leave," a soft click later, and Ritsuko handed Misato the key.
"Not going to give me any trouble I hope," Misato pleaded as she holstered her advantage. They had made great strides in recovering their old friendship over the last few months, she'd have hated it all to be a lie. Hell, she almost wanted to thank the woman for the help in mending Shinji's mindset. But part of Misato could never willfully thank another woman for such an act, Shinji was her boy and any woman was just trying to take him from her. Leaning against the wall, Misato hated the pale light in the lime green cab, "And yeah Kaji gave me a little parting gift before Nerv silenced him. Did you know about that?"
The soft sound of the elevator going further and further down droned as the steel buckled and rocked, Ritsuko's eyes widened. "No, Misato, I don't. Nerv still had uses for him, the commanders used him to sow disinformation back to his masters. The data you got," Ritsuko gestured to herself and the elevator about her. The secrets of terminal dogma, Nerv as a whole, and even herself was put up as evidence. "I gave him that information, Misato. I couldn't let him know it was me though. But before we go on further…I DO have a surprise for you," the elevator door opened and Ritsuko hurried out.
"Wait you were Kaji's contact? Why didn't you just openly give him…" Misato had temporarily found her feet locked in place. Once the ice thawed and her engine put back in gear she followed out only to hit the mental brick wall. Of all the things she expected to see, that mop of brown hair and sad puppy dog face of her boy was not one of them. That selfish part of her, jealous and greedy, saw red as she spat out, "Why is he here? Why did you bring him here today when you know what I want to see?"
Holding his hand, something momentarily shimmered over Ritsuko's face, the illusion of calm and collected vanished for terror and sick, "He should see these things too, Misato. He has every right to know the truth, just as much as you do. Maya-chan is acting as his alibi if things go bad for us…we however will find the punishment for getting caught quite severe." Ritsuko held his hand, and Shinji was quite, unsure of what to do or say so he hung on for dear life. "It'll be ok, Shin-chan, I…don't want secrets between us anymore," she said to him but looked at Misato, no secrets between all of them it seemed.
"I trust you, Ritsuko-san. And I want to be here, Misato-san, she said this should answer a lot of the things in my head right now," Shinji would never be a good actor. Boy was downright terrified yet determined to go through with things. Just why Misato knew he was courageous…it was alright to be afraid of something as long as one didn't let that fear stop them. Shinji was stronger than he suspected, so she'd be there when that strength was tested.
Waving her hand down the hall, Misato grunted, "Well if we only have a little time, we better get going then shouldn't we? You can tell me what you know about Kaji as we walk can't you?" A small hope sprung in her chest, and she hated that. If Nerv needed Kaji still, was it possible he was still alive somewhere, maybe in hiding? Shinji already knew about Kaji, he had been there for HER when she learned that nasty fact.
Wrapping an arm around Shinji, a show of control and yet support, Ritsuko lead the pair deeper down the path. "Just what I told you already. If something happened to him, it wasn't due to any order from Nerv. The commander was going to have him removed yes, but it wasn't going to happen until after a few more lies to the UN," Ritsuko stuck to Shinji like glue. Misato had seen that little trick in college, Ritsuko was a clinger when afraid and she had her tentacles all over Shinji, who seemed quite content to let her do as she wanted.
"So is it possible he got away and back to whoever he actually worked for?" Shinji stole the words from Misato's mind. They came to a halt before a small unmarked door at the end of a long featureless corridor of white and green.
When the door opened, Ritsuko putting in the code, Misato went in first. Ready to throw Shinji out if she saw something she didn't want him to know, "We can hope is all, Shinji-kun." The room was cavernous but not the LCL factory, it just went on and on forever into the darkness. As the light flipped on, she saw he was standing atop a catwalk over bare earth with giant skeletons with single eyed skulls. Her fingers rolled over the guard rail, "What is this?"
"It's an evangelion graveyard!" Shinji was a bit more poetic with his statement. Standing next to Misato, Ritsuko kept pace with him and just refused to let go, her fingers actually made a fist and clung to his shirt tightly. Pointing at the various bodies, none of which were complete, "They look like Unit-00, how many times did it take to make that thing?"
Guiding Shinji away from the rail, Ritsuko shrugged listlessly, "You're making a mile out of a molehill again, Shinji-kun. This is just the remains of failed experiments, they were never alive like the finished units. But you can count how many failures they had. This isn't what we're here to see, it's just on the way. Misato you ready to keep going or you want to look at our predecessors' failures some more?" Now Shinji was actually holding onto Ritsuko's coat a little, he cast a fearful look at those things, his eyes glassy and wide.
"Yeah I'm here for more important things," Misato followed close behind. What did that girl do to you, Shinji? What made you so afraid of even the bones of Rei's unit? When Ritsuko found the light for the next room, Misato was left confused by the smaller and foul smelling room. It was a cell, a dirty room full of bandages, muck, and reminded Misato of her college dorm room. Walking past the dating pair, "What is this? A movie studio or on-site housing or something? Whoever uses this place needs Shin-chan to clean up after them," she hoped to lighten his mood. Yet something seemed familiar about the room.
Shinji jumpstarted Misato's brain with an overdrive of information, "This looks like Rei-chan's old apartment. Almost down to the stains on the walls." He freed himself of Ritsuko's hold, Misato watched the woman's hand reach out for him for a few moments before falling into her pocket. He gathered the dirty bandages and put them into an empty trash bin. "Why does this look like her room?" he asked as he busied his hands.
"Because it is…well it was her room," Ritsuko admitted. She actually sat on that nasty mattress and watched him work. Her legs clipped tightly together, the woman was prim and proper despite her hands fidgeting on her lap. "When she was…born…Ayanami grew up in this room. When we needed to take her out of here we put her in that old apartment. A controlled environment, much like is done with captive animals born in zoos. Born and raised to the commander's wants, to keep her more controllable," Ritsuko got up and headed to another door.
Oh how she wanted to go to him, and stop him, but Misato didn't…couldn't. "Shinji-kun, we have to keep going. You think you can handle more? If not you can go back to the elevator and wait for us," she so wanted him to take up that offer. What was ahead, was something Kaji hinted at and Misato didn't want to know how Shinji would react to that. How could Ritsuko do this to him if she really cared?
"I want to know more, I have to," Shinji stopped bagging years old garbage and joined the pair of women. Said women shared and wordless exchange, each begging the other to put a stop to things, to order the boy to leave. Neither did, both having their own reasons, and then the door opened and bathed their feet with orange light. Shinji saw the contents first, and he walked into that room zombielike, drawn in as sailors of old to the sirens.
Misato's first indication she wasn't going to like the next room was Shinji's horrified expression. But she didn't look in, she rushed to Ritsuko's side and hissed quietly, "Why didn't you stop him? If you told him to go back he'd have listened! After the last angel, what it did to their minds, why can you let this stress get to him?" Oh how her mind called her a hypocrite, as she could easily have done the same. But Misato was all about shifting blame when she could.
"He needs to know the truth, he suffered with the speculation long enough. Its time he have closure, isn't it?" Ritsuko had the same glassy eyes Shinji had earlier. The orange light bathed her face with its horrific glow as she joined Shinji in the room. Her legs continued to bend towards him, but she wouldn't close that little gap at the end, she left him to face this alone but ready to jump in if needed.
Don't look at it, don't accept it as reality, just let it stay a hazy illusion or lie her inner voice begged, but Misato didn't listen. Floating in a tank were dozens if not more copies of a girl, one she had various emotions about. Rei…so many of her floating there all smiling and call her crazy if you must but Misato could have sworn she heard giggling. They all watched Shinji, never taking their eyes off of him with their creepy lifeless stares. "Clones, you cloned her. Why? Why was this necessary? Why does that THING call herself the third…or first or whatever she says?" Misato wanted to throttle Ritsuko but needed answers more than instant gratification.
"After the accident claimed Yui Ikari," Ritsuko paused as Shinji's shoulders hunched forward. Stepping over to a computer, she keyed up a few commands. "After she was absorbed into Unit-01, the commander demanded we make them. Mixing some remnant DNA with the sample in the LCL factory we got these. The first was killed by my mother, the second…by the commander, and now we have that abomination we have now because I woke it up before the commander took care of Shinji's Rei," Ritsuko was soft near brittle yet the quiet of the room amplified it all. Taking a small control she took it over to Shinji, and Misato was ready to act if ANYTHING looked bad.
Falling to his knees, Shinji ran his hand against the tank and shuddered. "So it really wasn't her…it was just an imposter. S-she didn't forget me, didn't throw me away…a better place…she's hopefully in a better place," his head hung there, an animatronic puppet with no power. Unshed tears in his eyes, he jerked when Ritsuko took his hand and put the controller into his, "T-thank you."
"What did you give him," Misato couldn't let the two have their little party without her. Was this all just a ploy on her to incriminate Shinji of something? Clones, they had dozens of clones of a girl, a girl she had effectively gotten killed. Killed all for being in love with somebody and trying to shake the chains that confined her. A girl Misato turned in…
Flanking Shinji with Misato's help, Ritsuko ran her head from the top of Shinji's head to the back of it. "The end of this shame, letting her finally know the peace of death. Hit that green button and it'll purge the tank, all of them in there will be broken down. They're…soulless vessels, spare parts in case that thing gets hurt," Ritsuko told Shinji as she knelt down by him and covered his hand with hers.
"Not alone, he doesn't do this alone," Misato told both of them, and she joined them in kneeling. All three of them had their fingers over the button. Who pushed first, who acted first was never going to get an answer, but it got hit. The giggling continued until the parts broke apart and dissolved in the LCL. They left shortly after that, Misato left Shinji and Ritsuko at Maya's and went home. At the apartment, Misato fell onto her futon and prayed sleep would come soon. She had to work in the morning, so she'd hardly get any…how could she work there though knowing what she did now? But she had to, two angels were left…two more and then if Ritsuko could be trusted it'd be all over. Please god let it be over.
X-X
This was a lot harder than Kensuke thought it was going to be. Sitting in the lone chair in the hospital room, he was going to have to crush his friend. Touji was smiling, actually smiling at him for the first time since he was hospitalized. How would Touji take the fact that Kensuke's father made the choice to ship him off to live with an aunt? After the last angel attack, and Asuka's subsequent destruction of parts of the city, was enough for the parent to ship off the boy. And then there was the whole Hokari thing…she'd not be around much longer either would she?
"So have you been over to talk to Mari-chan lately?" Touji asked. The sheet slid down a little as he inclined the bed showing the stump of an arm. With his good hand he unconsciously pulled that itchy sheet back up over his deformity.
Ashamed of himself, Kensuke found his face warming as he looked around the room to look at anything not Touji. "I was over to see her before I came to see you. She's excited about the move," Kensuke slowly let his peripheral vision show him it was safe to look back. Mari took the news of the hospital transfer like a younger child would, great. Something new to see would be wonderful. Clearing his throat, "Have they said anything about your move?"
Idly picking at his nose with his good hand, Touji chuckled listlessly, "Not yet. I asked they keep Mari-chan and me together. Dad came to see me yesterday and said he was going to try and pull some strings. Not that he's ever been good at that before. As long as its close to trains it should be fine. Hikari won't mind take a little train ride to visit. And getting Mari and her friends…getting them to be…to be friends…" Touji sputtered out, the mask of smiles and joy quickly evaporated into utter defeat.
"T-Touji? What's wrong?" Kensuke hadn't expected this. Touji never was good at deception before, he had seemed so happy moments before, and now he just…was empty. Sliding the chair closer, trying to get a look at the ex-jock's face, Kensuke just saw somebody that had given up. Waiting for Touji to react or say something, when he didn't, "Come on man, what is wrong?"
The low bitter laugh started almost inaudible and ended with Kensuke shutting the door to keep Touji's laughter from angering anybody. "Wrong? What is wrong with me?" Touji finally asked after his laugh petered out. Slapping his good hand on the bed, he wasn't sad or even angry just loud. "What is wrong IS me. And I'm not talking about me being broken! I…I told Hikari I love her when I don't…I don't Ken. I'm just afraid of…everything now. I can't do anything on my own right now! So I told her I love her so she'll…oh gods I feel so awful," he grabbed the sheet and it balled in his hand and looked like a large white worm.
"It's fine to be afraid about stuff like this, man. Its…it's not like this sort of thing just happens to everybody," Kensuke suddenly felt out of his league. This wasn't what he expected or even wanted to talk about, he wasn't a therapist. But he knew of Hikari and Touji's relationship, everybody did, but to hear point blank it was a shame was something else. Slowly, he edged towards the bed, "And if you're that serious about this. You could tell her. Maybe in time you'll both get over this and…"
Several hand slaps on the mattress broke Kensuke out of his sputtering, Touji hit the mattress so hard it moved the bed. "I don't deserve that, Ken! Don't you see, don't you understand? This is my punishment for being…a horrible person. Did you know I stole some of Katsuragi's panty in the past? Hell whenever I could get a pair I did. I'd work one off while smelling them. I had dreams of after taking this pilot gig something would happen between her and me. Part of me hated Shinji for living with her, for having so much more 'experience' than me…hell I hated you to for stupid crap. But now that I'm like this…I'm planning on ruining Hikari's life. Making her wipe my ass and pay for me…I'm not even a man anymore," he just rambled it all out without any passion or care.
"Dude…we all knew you had a thing for Katsuragi-san…and we're kids people don't think to…to deeply," but Kensuke was disturbed a little. Stealing was something kids did, but to take something like that from Misato just to enjoy them? To hate their buddy for having a good relationship, to be jealous of HIM for his crumbling relationship with Chidori? "If you accept these things, maybe you can change them?" the how however Kensuke didn't know.
His fist relaxed into just his flat open palm, Touji reclined in the bed against his tattered pillow and fixed his gaze on the window. "No, I went too far, I know that now. I don't think I even really 'loved' Katsuragi-san, just thought she was hot. That's why Shinji and you got somebody and I ended up like this. Hell I'm pretty sure Hikari is planning on breaking it off with me. I've not made it easy on her, being all angry and demanding. I wouldn't even blame her," again he didn't sound upset, just accepting.
"Hey, never know, maybe Nerv could do something once they stop all those angel attacks. I mean the Eva's lose limbs and they regrow and fix those. Maybe they could do something for you…cyber Suzuhara!" Kensuke thrust his fist up in triumph hoping to get Touji's spirits up. It didn't work, Touji snickered but that was the max of it. His watch beeped, his 'date' with Chidori was soon, he had to go…he had to tell Touji the last of it. "Hey man, about my visits…I won't be able to for a while. M-my dad is having me move in with my aunt," Touji knew said aunt lived a good couple hundred miles away.
Pointing at the television, Touji's head rolled across his chest to from side to side, "I saw the damage the kraut did, expected you'd be leaving. They wouldn't be moving Mari-chan if they didn't have a reason. I'll try to get you an email or something once they move me someplace. Give you all the details. And…say hi to that bitch of yours, I was wrong about her. She does care about your geekass, but I was to stupid to accept it. Thinking jocks should get the girls before the geeks…well Shinji and you proved me wrong." He waved forlorn yet ended with a thumbs up.
Bitterly, Kensuke left Touji alone in that room as he headed home. The date they had planned was just to stay around Kensuke's place since many of the hangouts were closed or under repairs. How could he tell Touji he was planning on breaking things off with Chidori? Well after his buddy's breakdown and confession Kensuke found he couldn't. Chidori was just…she was just to much effort for Kensuke's wanting! She demanded all his time, demanded all his affection, and if he didn't she accused him of not caring! How could she think he didn't care? Since they were kids he was always there for her, always helping her, and then she got this whim and…he wasn't like her other boyfriends.
She was sitting on his stoop when he got back from the hospital, and she idly kicked at some cans on the ground. "Took your time with Suzuhara," she got off the stair and went to his side. Being taller than he was, Chidori just teasingly rubbed his head like a pet. Tugging him towards the door, "So what did you want to do?"
"My dad is having me move to my aunts. He has the ticket already and wants me to pack," Kensuke just laid it out there. Hopefully he'd get a chance to talk to Shinji before the train ride, but he had to address this one first. It was the end, Chidori would never be faithful in a long distance relationship it wasn't her nature. Chidori didn't move, she had become a perfect humanoid statue. "Did you hear me, Chi-chan, I'm leaving tomorrow," he hoped his little pet-name would get some reaction.
Her first reaction was to grab his arm and yank him closer to her, arms around his waist she squeezed him so tight it was painful. "So…will she have a place for me or will I have to get an apartment there? Help me pack?" she asked.
"W-what?" Kensuke winced through the tightening hold, "you can't mean that! She lives in the country, you'd hate it there and you know that!" Chidori had visited his aunt's place when they were kids…she had complained the whole time!
Dragging Kensuke to the stoop, she forced him to sit and she did alongside him. "I'm going with you, Ken. This is new to me…but I mean it. I want to be with you. I've been a bitch, making this hard on you. But I'm not used to guys that are faithful, everything else was a game. But I'm dedicated to making this work. I'm willing to do this, unless…you don't want me to," she matched him mental blow for blow.
"You'd really move with me?" Kensuke was floored by this. A game was exactly what he thought she took this relationship as. Nothing she had ever done had been serious, even her attempts to get Shinji and Sakura together had been a game. The rivalry with Asuka a means to pass time until Asuka snapped. But she sounded so sincere, maybe it was time to take this seriously himself. "If you're not just playing with me here, if you're done accusing me of cheating and demanding every solitary moment of my time…let's get you a ticket," stupid he was being stupid, but he honestly felt a spike of honest true love. If she could change, he could as well couldn't he?
Leaning against him, the flirty attitude was dampened, "You're going to have to help me pack. I'll never get it done in time if you don't." She did have a lot more stuff than he did, and she was a terrible packer. So Kensuke did. They found Chidori's parents were floored yet ecstatic to have the girl leave with Kensuke, they did always like him. After the packing was done, the time well into the night, Kensuke gave Shinji's phone a call…it went to voicemail so he left one. It was short and to the point. Not a goodbye forever, just until things get stable in Tokyo-3. Kensuke wished Shinji luck, and said he'd get back in touch as soon as possible.
X-X
Author Notes
Well the story is nearing its end, not right away of course but it is on the horizon. Hope I didn't over dramaterize a few elements here, but trying to get some nails hammered down
Hope you liked it, thanks for reading, and enjoy the last of summer
Ja Mata
Zentrodie