Standard Disclaimer
Wow this story is really nearing its end, I think next chapter might just be it. As for me, family member is having a bit of an issue and needs somebody to talk to from time to time so I've been selected for it. Glad to help them out. Work has me waiting for a new project using STS instead of RSA and that's going to be a change…goodie.
X-X
With Nothing Else
Chapter – 22
Sitting in what he could only think was an unassigned office, Shinji tried to get a read on the woman in the out of place chair. Aside from the high back leather chair this Aoi woman sat on and the bed from the medical bay, the room had no furniture. It made their voices echo and become distorted as they talked. Tachibana was an attractive sort of woman, thin with longer blond hair, pretty eyes, and had the condescending tone that just reeked of judging. A therapist, what good did she really think she could do for him? She had no way of understanding him or his problems, but he just couldn't refuse Maya.
"So, how does this really go? Never talked to a therapist before," Shinji fidgeted on the bed. He hated these beds, the mattress was to thin and the sheet was new and itchy. A full week of living on base now, commander's orders, Shinji was slowly succumbing to his mounting depression. Seeing Maya on shift hurt, but he was doing the right thing here. If she stayed by him, she'd get hurt or worse. It was a deal…he talk to this woman and Maya moved to the Tokyo-2 branch office to tele-work there. Eying the other new thing in the room, a clock over the door, "What am I supposed to talk about?"
In a long blue skirt and white blouse, Aoi kept her notepad on her leg, pen thumping off the side of her head. "You can talk about anything you want to, Ikari-kun, anything at all. I'm here to help you, be a sounding board for what you're thinking about, causing you to push people away," Aoi was level and calm. Not pushy or demanding, she was a very 'at your pace', even though Shinji thought he heard a little edge there. Scribbling something down, "If you are having trouble thinking of something…why not tell me how you've been?"
"How I've been," Shinji parroted and grimaced. He was horrible! His friends dead or hurt, taken and forced away from him. His best friend lay in a coma, his first love dead, friends hurt and broken! His failures just mounted higher and higher and he just wanted it to end. Now he was stuck in the one place he never wanted to be all the time, his small joys in life stripped from him. "I can't leave the base anymore. I just sit here and wait for Ayanami to attack so I can end this," he said bitterly. Maybe he wouldn't survive this time.
More scribbling, Aoi shifted in her seat and Shinji got a brief flash of thigh, "How does that make you feel? Having to attack a comrade, a friend? Must be hard to have to do something like that." Whoever gave Aoi her notes on him, Shinji suspected, they were lacking in some important details.
That dull throb of anger that refused to leave him churned and coiled up inside of him. Barking out loudly, "She is not my friend! She never was! That girl was not my Rei-chan. What that girl did to me was a parody of what friends…lovers do. That is the only thing I have to look forward to, ending her. What she did to Asuka and me…I wouldn't wish on anybody." Shinji had pushed himself up to stare right in the woman's cold and calculated face. He hated that emotionless mask the woman had on, who was she to judge him!?
"Sorry, I was mistaken, just lay back down and take a breath," Aoi held her hand out. Scrambling through her notes a few moments, Shinji saw her gasp out as she hit the page she must have missed. Taking the older page, she wadded it up and pitched it in a corner. A hitch in her voice, quick to change topic, "Asuka, how you said her name…tell me about her? You two were close friends, similar ages…"
This woman just stepped in one wrong hole after another, and Shinji's coil tightened down again. "No I did not have romantic thoughts about her. Never did, never will. Asuka…I care deeply for her yes, but not in that way. It would be weird, we know too much about each other. And I love Maya-chan and Ritsuko-chan," did everybody think Asuka and he were fucking? Was that what it always came back to with humanity? Made the last angel more relatable as he never once cared.
Scribbling her notes frantically, the woman nodded and continued, "Loyalty like that is quite endearing. Must be odd though, having two older women as partners. Has that caused any issues for you, or them?" Shifting her leg again, Shinji caught her motions but tried to not think about it.
His betterment, this was somebody trying to help him, so he didn't want to snap at her. But now she was talking down to him about his relationships with Maya and Ritsuko? Closing his eyes, and balling his fists, "Actually it was the second best relationship I've ever had. It's different than when I was with Rei-chan, but it was good. Maya was so energetic and happy, kept Ritsuko-chan and me positive. Ritsuko-chan was logical and yet emotional…" He sniffed hard thinking about them.
"And yet you ended things with Ibuki-kun. What happened to make you no longer wish to be with her?" Aoi asked almost softly. Gazing over at her, she had fixed her golden locks from spilling over her eyes. Was that care or boredom on her face, Shinji couldn't tell.
This was stupid, this woman wasn't going to help him, his little hope was dashed. Clasping his hands together and putting them on his stomach, he just gave up. "I do want to be with her, both of them. But it doesn't matter. Everybody that stays close to me gets hurt or killed. Rei, Asuka, Touji, Ritsuko, Kaworu, and even my own mother…everybody that gets close to me…better to get her away while she has the chance. Find somebody better, somebody not broken," and he knew he was. Broken or cursed, maybe it was a curse.
"So you'll just push her away when she wants to help you, to be there for you? What about Katsuragi-san? You're not pushing her away, you're staying with her on base. I don't know about your Ibuki-kun, but I'd be worried if my Makoto-chan was staying with a woman like that," Aoi continued to scribble. Not looking at him, just her words, worthless and pointless blather.
Did Maya ask this woman to pose this question? Was Maya worried he was with Misato because of what? "I'm tired of you asking me questions about who I'm sleeping with. I 'sleep' with Misato when we both are emotionally drained. She loves Kaji-san, I love them…but Misato and I are different. You'd not understand," he flipped his legs over the bed and gripped the lip of it. Balefully looking at the woman, "I'm sorry but I'm done here. I don't know what you were trying to do, but this isn't helping. I…I just want to end this whole nightmare. And it will be over once I fight and kill the last angel." Getting up, Shinji tore out of the room before he'd say anything else he'd regret.
"Shinji-kun wait, I'm sorry I overstepped my bounds. I usually have more time to prep for things like…" and the door shut ending Tachibana's request. Stomping off, trying to calm his nerves, Shinji stuffed his hands in his pockets and stalked the halls. Moving from the empty halls of the nearly abandoned base, Shinji found himself back in the medical ward. Great…he was here again…and he felt himself walking to a place of dread in his heart and mind.
The nurses long since stopped asking him to sign in to the observation ward, so he just went into Asuka's room and sat at her side. The flowers he brought in ages ago were dried and wilting. Oh they had water, but the age was just getting to them and they were showing the ravages of ages. "Hey again you. Still sitting this thing out? Leaving me alone to deal with it…that is not fair and you know it," Shinji hated this room. Each time he sat in the stupid chair he felt his disgust rise like a hate filled balloon. He failed this woman so many times, how much more could he have done for her? Sitting there for over ten minutes, he just watched her sleep and hear that insufferable machine beep.
"Say something Asuka…wake up…call me stupid…say something," Shinji slowly started to shake her shoulder. Each word coming louder and his pushing harder. Tears started to well up in his eyes at each pregnant moment of silence. It wasn't fair! She was better than this! Where was the proud and strong Asuka that had beat Fukuyama down or bore down on angel after angel with pride and determination! "Wake up! Don't leave me alone like this! Don't…don't…go," he broke down with one last mighty shove that ended with a loud rip.
Horrified, Shinji saw the results of his actions, and Asuka's pale weakly breathing chest was open for him to see. Not like this, he didn't want the last sight of her to be like this. Covering up her naked torso, Shinji actually found it a little funny how many times he'd seen that image before. Yes she was beautiful, but what he saw right now was anything but. It was the absolute lowest point he had ever seen her. Tucking her sheet in, tucking her in, Shinji fixed her hair tenderly, brushed his lips to her forehead and left her. He'd not come back here, not unless she was awake…but he doubted he survived the next angel.
Maybe he could get Misato to ship Asuka off to Tokyo-2 or something. She was being kept on base in the insane case they needed to load a comatose girl into Unit-02. Well after he finished with Ayanami, Asuka wouldn't be needed for that, and could go away and he'd not have to risk seeing her again. Keep everything away, lock them deep down, stifle all emotions before they drowned him out forever. He would see Misato in their shared room tonight, she was staying on base to since he was forced to.
Wandering the base, keeping out of the tech and securities way, Shinji just didn't know what to do. He actually finished all of his homework already, his cello was back at Misato's apartment, and he had nothing to do. Just sit and remember all he failed, all he wasn't able to do. Avoiding people as best he could, Shinji found himself before the one person he didn't want to, well two people actually. That annoying therapist was talking to Maya. Didn't he see on television something about patient/doctor confidentiality? Well just chalk that up to another betrayal, goodie. Discretion was the better part of valor, and Shinji turned to flee before either noticed him.
"Shinji-kun wait!" Maya called out to him just before he rounded the door out of the canteen and back to the hallway. He stood there, waiting, as he heard Maya running across the cafeteria to him. When she got to him, she hugged him from behind tightly. Talking into his hair, "Tachibana didn't tell me anything, well…nothing about your meeting with her. But she did tell me you spoke to her. T-thank you."
Don't react, don't let this shake his resolve to keep her safe. He leaned back into that light touch, and let it wash over him. All the pain, all the self-induced misery, it was just so much and so hard to handle! Couldn't he be selfish in this, let Maya stay and get a room with her on base instead of Misato? An image of that older Ayanami popped into his head against his will, probing and worming in deeper. Ah yes…this. Gently freeing himself from Maya's embrace, Shinji cupped her cheek but when she leaned in he kept his hand firm. "Yes I did talk to her, and per our agreement means you'll be working out of Tokyo-2 right?" he had to be firm.
Grabbing his hand, Maya kept it against her cheek with as much force as she could muster. "I will…but promise me you'll live through this. I won't give up on Akagi or you, and when this is over, when I come back all of us are getting…married," with one hand she pulled out of her pocket three simple silver rings. Putting one on his finger and one on her own, she put the other in his hand. "M-Makoto got me thinking…what's the point of all this unless we have hope. You give that to Ritsuko when you see her," she tried to push past his hand again but his resolve proved stronger.
"I'll…I promise to try," Shinji couldn't offer more. He wanted to stay, to talk more with her, but Shinji couldn't. Looking down at the small strip of metal around his finger and the sensation of the ring in his hand, Shinji took a figurative and mental step away from Maya. She wanted to say more, wanted him to give her more resolve. But he could feel the Ayanami-thing probing his mind again. It was subtle and weak. She was hunting for him, making her plans, and when the time came he'd know before the others did. Choking back his regret and fears, "Take care Maya, be safe." Back peddling more, Shinji spun and walked briskly away.
He expected Maya to say something as he left… 'I love you', 'watch out for yourself', something…anything! She didn't, and it made his leaving all the harder. His mind kept thinking maybe she was crying, that he hurt her, and he didn't want that! Couldn't he have feelings for somebody and they be safe and happy?
Walking until his feet hurt, Shinji found himself all over the base observing everything and everyone. They were afraid, nervous and afraid. Nobody really knew what to expect going forward, not after the last angel. They saw him, knew what he represented, and most averted their eyes. He was their last line of defense, if he failed it was game over for humanity. And he had to admit he was not looking like a pillar of strength and dependability. He'd do his best though, all the way to the end, and this was the end wasn't it? What could come next if this wasn't?
Worming deeper and deeper, hunting for him, the siren song was a dull hum in his thoughts. Ayanami was calling to him, in that familiar nightmarish voice that mixed his beloved Rei with that abomination. Late into the night, his phone rang, it was Misato, "Hey Shinji-kun, I'm getting off in a few minutes. Want to meet me in the galley for some grub?" They only had each other right now didn't they?
"Sure thing Misato-san, maybe I can make something myself this time. Something we both like," Shinji offered. Heading off to meet her, Shinji found her looking overly tired and haggard. Whatever she was doing when he wasn't watching was taking its toll on her. Using her authority, Shinji got into the kitchen and made them some curry, delicious comfort food. After they ate, Misato showered as Shinji went back to their room. When she got there, they climbed into their futon and slept. Shinji tried to ignore when she called him Kaji in her sleep, and he hoped he didn't call her something when he slept.
X-X
Waking up in the tin can she called a room, Misato grumbled against the burgeoning sentience. It had been a lovely dream of Kaji and her, they were fighting mini-angels that looked like the first one she had a hand in fighting. The Third angel, why hadn't she questioned how they knew that back then? Drawing Shinji's body closer to hers, she entwined her legs with his to increase the skin connection. Wrong, this was wrong but she just needed it. Something to connect to, somebody to connect with. And she had one, had him for a long time and just didn't know it.
One hand under his shirt, the other over it, Misato was careful not to scar him with her nails. "When is this going to end, when is she going to come for you?" Misato held on possessively. He talked in his sleep, Misato learned early in their shared sleeping. Since the time on base started, Misato learned that Shinji was having dreams. Dreams that weren't normal, dreams that she have gleamed from his mumbled talking. Ayanami…Lilith, Lilith was hunting him mentally and in his dreams he was defenseless. Tickling his chest, he laughed a little, "Not totally defenseless."
"I'll get up in a min…" Shinji sleep mumbled as he almost woke up but fell back to sleep. He had been sleeping so lightly and so fitfully, Misato was glad for the extra few moments. Her clock was balefully reminding her that she had to get up soon, work wasn't going to wait for her. The US satellite system was fully integrated into the Magi now, it should help them finally locate where that abysmal creature was. Watching the minutes click by, Misato felt that dull pulse in her continue to throb. Moaning bitterly, "I can't, its wrong…but…" She wanted to, she wanted him.
It was just what she knew! She was not a loose woman, or woman of ill-repute. Not the type to take another person's man, but it was getting so hard to keep going. Work, spy craft, and Shinji was all she had left in her life. Was it so wrong to look for a little honey, for just a little joy in life beyond the absolute bare minimums? Even his hair smelled good, his body was ambrosia against her skin. "I miss Kaji," she moaned.
Shuffling against Misato, his hand grazing against her breast eliciting a deep throaty moan from her, but his body rocked and he shit awake, "Stay away!" Falling away from Misato, and to the ground with a thud and a groan. "Ouch…stupid dream…it's cold in here," Shinji sat up and found himself locking eyes with a pair of loving chocolate orbs. Hard to make out in the dim red light of the electric clock, but they smiled at each other softly. "Did I wake you?" he asked as he righted himself and sat on the cold ground.
"No, was awake. I have to get going for shift soon. But you try to get some more sleep, you could use it," Misato reached out and rubbed his head. She had been so tempted, just let that hand slide down below the rim of his shorts and let go. Forcing her aching body up, gods she hated these beds, she popped her back and fixed her shirt that had ridden high. Wincing as Shinji turned the light on, he had missed her little show, "And if I didn't know better, I'd think you did that on purpose and didn't like sleeping like this. Many men would fight you for the honor." She had to tease, it did her heart a world of good to see him relax just a little.
Gathering up some of Misato's work fatigues, cleaned and ironed the night before by him, he set them on the bed. "I know Misato-san, I know…I get odd looks from people on base," Shinji confessed and shuffled off towards the door. Facing away from her, ready to bolt at any moment, "I don't think I can fall back to sleep either. Today is Maya-chan's last day on base, I should…should say something to her." Ah yes, the other woman, the actual woman…Misato had to remind herself of that.
"She told me about that," Misato actually signed off on the release form. World could be ending and the lawyers would hand her a form to sign to let it happen. Maya wouldn't be leaving the base if Misato hadn't allowed it, and she wouldn't have if Maya couldn't keep working remotely. Thankfully the Magi were easily remote-accessed into. Pulling her properly maintained uniform to her chest, Misato hugged it, "She also told me how you convinced her to do it. Want to talk to me about it?" Misato saw Aoi's report on him, she wished she hadn't. Severe depression with potential suicidal tendencies.
His hand stalled by the button that opened the door, he gazed over his shoulder back at her, "Maya told you about that? Tachibana gave you the report about it didn't she." Boy was smart, smarter than was good for him at times. Those muscles under his eyes were twitching, fear absolute fear, yet he didn't run. Nowhere to run to, the commander put him effectively on house arrest.
"She did, I don't believe a word of it," Misato learned that honesty worked best with Shinji. Lying about things would only make him suspect or pull away. Getting off the bed, putting the uniform back down, she reached out for him, open arms, "So, do you want to tell 'me' about it? Or do we just forget about that thing?" He didn't come to her, his head went down, contemplated it, but in the end he shut her out. She didn't blame him.
Taking a deep breath, slow intake and a big outward blast, "Can we forget it? I know Tachibana-san was just doing her job, trying to help. But…everything she said just sounded wrong coming from her." He hit the button and the door opened with its low swish. Walking out of their shared room, "I'll let you get ready for work in private. Think we can have supper again tonight?"
"I'll give your phone a call when I have time," Misato winked at him and the door shut. Nearly the moment after the door shut, Misato's shoulders sank and she felt that hopelessness growing. Changing quickly, she pulled out Aoi's report again and flipped through it. It was all there, black and white, and Misato had to make a choice of her own. Trust a trained but ill prepared therapists report, or trust in the young man she lived with for so long for now? "I'm being stupid, blinded by emotions and ignoring logic," Misato dumped the report in the trash. After this was over, she'd get a second opinion for him.
Once she was ready to go, she found the hallway was empty when she got out. He ran away, a coping mechanism if she ever saw one. "Not like I don't have my own," her body throbbed. It was nearly painful need at this point, a steady and slow pulse that just sang out a siren song of 'he'd not deny you' and 'it'd be good for both of you.' She just had to hold out to the end of this, then hit up the bar scene or something. Heading to the command deck, the base was woefully underpopulated she saw another two empty stations. They were running out of workers, they fled in the night and left without a word. Couldn't blame them either.
City was in tatters, what could they really do but wait and watch the battle. Putting all their hopes on the fragile mind and body of a fifteen year old. They never did have that party for his birthday like she promised. All this technology, all their science, none of it could spare him from the pain. It was useless to wake Asuka up, it had killed the Rei that Misato hand doomed. And with each passing day she learned more of their secrets.
"Katsuragi, did you need something from me?" Gendo asked mildly annoyed at finding his command officer standing outside his office. Never did that man appear anything but calm and collected, his suit perfect, and his facial hair that ugly chin strap.
Startled out of her mental funk, Misato quickly saluted as her training took over. "No need sir, just a report on the state of the city," she showed perfect military recognition. Without booze on base, her mind was always wide awake and constantly eating at her sanity and self-esteem with questions. Regurgitating all the facts she heard the day before, pointless information that they both knew already. As she slowed her data flow from a gushing river to a trickle, "And Ibuki will be transferred to the secondary Magi back-up location in Tokyo-2 as of tomorrow."
"And the psychological profile of the Third Child?" Gendo adjusted his glasses. Something in that look and question, Misato suspected the man knew all of this too. He likely had cameras in their room and read the report alongside of her, or simple went in when nobody was watching and got a copy.
Her knuckles popped as she stressed them into gnarled white stumps, this pompous ass! This was his own son, and he still couldn't refer to him as his son after all Shinji had done! "Severe depression, but an increased attention to mission. He is waiting for the angel to strike," she nearly said Lilith and exposed herself. Counting to twenty in her mind she took the chance, "Sir, is their anyway of getting him off base for even an afternoon to relax? This constant threat level is bad for him, might cause burn out before he need him."
"Denied, he remains on base until after the attack. With no telling when it will come, we have to be ready," Gendo dismissed the notion instantly. Brutishly pushing past Misato to the door to his office, it was move or get knocked aside. "Now if nothing else, I have matters to attend to," he actually looked at her with the side of his eye, not through his glasses. He had small beady eyes, fearful eyes, Misato understood the glasses now.
Saluting again, she wasn't expecting and didn't receive anything else from him. "I hope after all this is over I get a chance to just…" she shook her fist at the door. A few minutes alone with him in a room without windows, make him count his teeth, guy deserved it. Glaring at the man's door for a few moments, her mind awash with a lovely revenge dream, she didn't know what to think of the man. Snickering as left that door, "Bet he's not invited to the wedding." Shinji would get married someday wouldn't he? He will if he survives, a small voice reminded her, only if he survived.
Once she got to her station, Misato's bowels chilled and contracted inside her into a hard ball. Maya was there standing at her station, that pensive and greedy look on her tiny little face. A far inferior substitute for Ritsuko, but Misato didn't have a choice. "Morning Ibuki-kun," Misato hoped this would stay professional and not degrade into a horrible mess. Maya all but slapped the transfer papers to Misato's stomach, so much for hopes. Grunting out of pain, "Something on your mind?"
"Not at the moment, ma'am, just wanting to finalize my transfer as cleanly as possible," Maya hissed out through clenched teeth and the fury just seared out of her. Her whole frame was a simulacrum of ionized rage and jealousy.
Signing her name in all the right places and dating it as required, Misato gently handed the papers back to the woman. "And you are now officially transferred to Tokyo-2, Ibuki-kun. We will be expecting you online starting tomorrow. You are dismissed," Misato saluted and waited Maya's next move. Oh Misato could taste it, anybody in a strained relationship could see and sense such things. Maya knew Misato's internal debate, hated it, but she honored Shinji and her pledge. Sucking up her breath, puffing out her chest to look as intimidating as possible, "Anything else lieutenant?"
"Don't make this harder for him. I can see it on you, Akagi-san told me about you…talks about you," Maya slipped out, intentionally or not Misato didn't know. Shigeru and Makoto got a good look as Maya stepped right up under Misato's nose, forced the taller woman to lean her head back. Low and soft, it was a personal conversion after all, "I can see you thinking it when you look at him. Just don't, it'd only cause more trouble for him. He is…ours…and if you do something he'll regret when he comes back it will just tear him apart."
Did Maya think Misato didn't know that? Did this insipid girl think Misato didn't know all this already? "What if he doesn't regret it?" was all Misato asked, and she might have been talking to herself. In a rare show of stepping down, Misato took a back step and walked away from the girl. Nobody knew what was going to happen going forward. This Lilith, what if she was beyond their capabilities, what if this was both Shinji and her last chance at any real human emotion?
Once Maya left, Makoto fled with her for a good hour. Oh to be a fly on the wall there, Maya using her friendship with Makoto to get that little session with Aoi. Cost Maya a lot didn't it, she was leaving because of that. Well, who knew how long it was going to take for Lilith to make her move. Days, weeks, months? All she knew was the longer it took, the less her resolve would exist, each day was a wave eating at the shore of her mind.
'An attack is coming.'
Misato stared at her screen and saw that message pop up. It was only there for a few moments before it vanished. It happened so quickly, she wasn't sure she saw it at all. "Having the DT's or something, thinking to hard about everything," she rubbed her eyes and started typing again. A pointless report on the status of Unit-02. What good was Unit-02 without a pilot?
'It will come once the next angel attack starts.'
If the message hadn't prevented her typing, Misato would have disregarded it again. But her whole station locked up. Was this a joke? Was Maya fucking with her, make her think she was crazy or something?! Getting up she looked around, nobody was paying her any real attention. Magi showed Maya's badge had been run and she was out of the base. Typing into the computer, "Who is this? How can I trust you?" Hadn't Maya mentioned Ritsuko was talking to her? Was this Ritsuko? C-could it be Kaji?
'You just have to trust me. You're all in danger. attack will be from covert special ops first, frontal assault after.'
Great, just great. Of course this would happen wouldn't it? Her hacking had uncovered much, the people behind the commander would strike to reclaim all the toys they had. Games over, I'm going home and I'm taking my stuff with me! Well she had forewarning now…and Misato was a wonderful chess player when she knew her opponents plans. The rest of her shift was spent reallocating people to different locations, prepping the base in ways only she knew or could understand. Eventually she broke for supper, Shinji made her one of her favorites, chicken teriyaki, but she had to disappoint him and get back to work…she'd forgive him.
X-X
Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror, Gendo splashed water over his face again. Rubbing the cold water against his flesh, the cold help calm him considerably. It was all nearing its end, everything he had worked for was racing towards its climax. He had to succeed, he couldn't fail this close to reaching Yui again. It was going to be a monumental effort, well another one when he thought about what he had to do to reach this position. Lives were used and tossed aside, bridges not just burnt but obliterated, and souls tainted. But it was worth it, if he succeeded, it was worth it.
"I still don't think trusting her is a good idea, Gendo," Fuyutski said as he left the toilet stall. Washing his hands in the other sink in their private bathroom, the old man sounded out of sorts. Drying his hands, Kozo fixed his uniform and fixed Gendo with a very disapproving stare. In his best authoritative tone, "She'll just use this to keep trying to undermine you. You've seen she's contacted at least one person, that Ibuki girl."
Ah Ritsuko, Gendo still wasn't sure how his heart felt about that woman. Was she just a pawn like her mother had been, or were those odd stirrings in the deed of night more than just a tired mind? "She has no option but to help us. Akagi is not doing this for us, she's doing it for sentiment," Gendo put his glasses back on. The Adam chrysalis moved inhumanly, he hated it when it acted on its own. Putting his glove over the top of the eldritch thing, Gendo felt time running thing. The more Adam stirred the closer to Yui he was. Leaving the bathroom in Terminal Dogma, used exclusively by the two men, they made their way to Ritsuko's temporary lab. "If she can salvage one of the cores it means we can N2-mine the other one rather than have to capture it alive," a fear Gendo didn't know was possible.
"But to dissect Unit-02's Dummy Plug for parts, what even gave you the idea? What is wrong with the bait we currently have?" Kozo opened the door with a quick flick of his card. What had once been Ayanami Rei's initial room, was now the disassembled bits and pieces of a Dummy Plug. Covering his mouth with a handkerchief, Kozo coughed into it as the medicinal stench washed over in waves.
Standing over a barely breathing body of a clone, Ritsuko was caked in both liquid and dried LCL. A feverish look about her, she affixed an IV-stand to limbless husk. "She's alive…if you can call a soulless body alive. Breathing and not brain dead, but irresponsive to stimuli, don't expect her to do anything but lay here," Ritsuko's surgical mask bobbed hiding her face.
"What about the core?" Gendo stood over the nude body and willed his mind not to cave. He originally gave Rei much thought before, she was a means to an end. But over time she did slowly fill a small piece of his heart. Not a daughter, not his wife, but akin to a pet that tried so hard to please. Seeing the body stitched together, nubs for arms and legs, covered in scars where the Dummy Plug used to connect, it made him want to put the thing down. But this was his best chance, if it was usable. Feeling the gun at his side weight even more, his breath caught when he saw those baleful yet gorgeous eyes on him, "Will it accept a core?"
Pulling her mask away and tossing the cap away, Ritsuko's longer and now two colored hair spilled out. Walking away from the surgical table, she got a smoke, and fell into a chair. "I have to go slow with this. It took days to get her free of the plug without damaging her further than she already was. Those parts weren't meant to be removed, she wasn't meant to be revived like this. I'm about to try to insert the core you provided. But I can't give you a favorable prediction. It took me several tries to get an IV that she'd take without going into shock," she took a massive drag of her smoke and blew it out her nose.
"What odds do you give this? If we don't have this option, all we have left is to continue to use the Third Child as bait for the original," Kozo couldn't take his eyes off body on the table. His face was paler than normal, and it wasn't just old age catching up to him. Keeping that cloth over his mouth, his studious mind examined the clean stitches that lined all over what once had been a teenage body. Tearing his gaze away from the horror, "And how goes your little dalliance with Tokyo-2? Or did you think we'd not notice the connection you made?"
Rolling off her latex gloves, Ritsuko picked at the small food she was allotted for the day. Talking and spitting out bits of store bought bread, "Took you long enough. Maya's been in Tokyo-2 for over a week now and you just now noticed I've been talking to her? Did you bother to see what I've been talking about or is daddy upset I broke the rules?" She mocked the old man by putting her pinky into her mouth as she spoke and flinched her head in a faux burlesque.
"That is the only reason we haven't severed your net connection," Gendo raised his eyebrow at Kozo. What was that little play all about, was it supposed to make him jealous or was it something else? Had Kozo a little thing for the younger Akagi? No matter, another bridge that he covered in gas and light the torch. He had watched everything over the last few weeks of waiting. Ritsuko was seeking some mental aid from the deported subordinate, but also technical aid in fulfilling her task. Gendo also knew the Third Child was still sleeping in the same bed as Katsuragi and they still hadn't fucked. Gendo owed Fuyutski a bottle of brandy on a lost bet. "Now answer the question, what are the odds?" if they were zero he'd put the pet out to pasture.
Washing down her meager food with water, she wasn't allowed anything else, Ritsuko shook her head sadly. "If I had to estimate the odds, I'd give it five percent. She's just to weak. Give me more time to get her health up it would increase the odds," but they all knew that wasn't going to happen.
"It's not a 'she', that is an 'it', Akagi," Kozo pointed at the fact that the body did in fact have no genitalia. Old man just was to classically trained to accept some of the darker aspects of their game. Towering over the young woman, Kozo challenged the woman by knocking her glass over and spilled it over the last of her food.
Standing up, clipping Kozo's chin with her head, Ritsuko was beyond intimidation. "She was a young woman. A strange and peculiar woman, but she was once normal. Our sick and twisted wills changed that. If you can't accept what you're part of, daddy, maybe you shouldn't have forced me to do this?" Ritsuko's lips curled back in a heart wrenching smile. There was a time she smiled like that at him, Gendo remembered. Now it was just a ploy to get under their skin, to needle them, and it worked.
"Call it whatever you want, but put the core in and keep us updated on the progress," Gendo stopped the fight before it could start. He wanted out of this room, didn't want to see the woman he cast aside, or the pet he ruined. A room full of his failures, all staring at him, judging him. Flinching his head towards the door, "We have a meeting sensei." What was left of Seele had demanded a report after they learned from Ritsuko.
Smoothing his hair, and rubbing his chin, Kozo took on a superior air, "Yes, don't forget you are part of this. You helped create this. Did you tell your young lover about it? Either of them? You're a monster just like us…so finish what you started." Joining Gendo, the two left the room in silence. Monsters rightly identified them didn't it. But monsters with a goal, bringing Yui back, bettering humanity. Yes, he would be a monster to fulfill those goals. "Sorry about that, she's been getting increasingly worse the longer we keep her down here," Kozo finally relented once they were in the elevator.
Fixing his glasses, Gendo smirked just a little, "I didn't know you had a thing for her. Had I known I might not have stepped in all those years ago." A lie, they both knew it, but Gendo did have a sense of humor. Only Kozo saw it of course, but Gendo was human after all. Open mouthed, Kozo just gapped for a few moments before realizing it was a joke. Rolling his eyes, the old man didn't dignify the comment. Exiting their little pathway to damnation right into Gendo's office, they saw the meeting had already started. Two pillars of life existed, Kehl under one and a monolith with a 06 on it the other. "You are earlier than expected," these men were still dangerous, weaker but not totally defanged.
"What news do you have Ikari? Have you been able to salvage this mess?" Kehl pounded his flabby hand on whatever table he sat behind. Never one to just jump to violence or agitation, Kehl had exposed many of his cards instantly.
With a small nod to Kozo, this was his event and Kozo could leave, Gendo moved to his own pillar and just eyed all the empty spaces. How many were arrested, died, or just watching in silence? "We just spoke to our doctors. They've a salvageable body to work with and are going to start the procedure to add the core as we speak," the old men only cared that a usable body of Lilith existed. They had their plan, as did he, it was just a race to the finish line now. "Unit-01 is on constant alert for the aberration's eventual attack. The matter is not optimal, but not unsalvageable," he didn't care about 06, just Kehl.
"What if Unit-01 fails to subdue the alteration to the scenario, what are the chances of the core being rejected?" this time it was the distorted voice of 06.
"Same thing that would happen if we failed in the past. Our utter destruction," Gendo replied without hesitation. It had always been a razors edge of survival, nothing about that changed. What was at stake was their end goals. "If the core doesn't take, we need to keep the aberration alive as that's the last of the material we can use. If Unit-01 fails, always have N2 mines to subdue it," not that he'd be around to see it.
Kehl's pillar went silent but Gendo could see him talking, he wasn't privy to that little tidbit. Shame he never learned to read lips. Not that Gendo needed an extrasensory skill to know what they were planning. He knew it would come down to this all along, they were going to plan their endgame. He had to put all his chips on Akagi. After Unit-01 was victorious over the abomination, use that other body, and reap what he had sown. "Are you done with me?" Gendo asked the still silent yet talking Kehl.
As 06 vanished, Kehl did come back one last time, hunched over and his visor caught light and appeared to glow. "Yes we are Ikari. Tell us the moment that operation is complete via encrypted email. It has been trying, difficult, but our time is nearly done," Kehl's image vanished. An offensive was in the works, likely ready to go in a moment's notice. Gendo had stalled them as much as he could, it was all out in the open now.
"It's all for you, Yui, all for you," Gendo felt tired and spent. Climbing into his chair, he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and opened the top. Without Kozo around, he decided to forgo the glasses and drank from it directly. OH he was ready for this to all be over, it took so much out of him to get here and he was running thin. Skin stretched over a body that felt three times too big for it. Taking off his spectacles, he took several more deep swigs. Going over the report of the Third Child, every moment of the boy's life was captured now, Gendo's core grew cold. It was not regret, just heavy and unchanging fear. Gendo was terrified of that boy.
The reports read the same as they did all week. Woke up thanks to nightmare, this time Katsuragi slept through it. Wandered the base until Katsuragi and he ate breakfast. After eating, the boy read ahead in his school books, and then walked the Geo-Front as far as the rules allowed him. Skipped lunch, testing with Unit-01 followed until just after sundown. Fast shower, then he cooked Katsuragi and himself supper. Katsuragi didn't show this time, he took the plate to the shared room. Pictures of him holding a visibly shaken and unsteady Katsuragi followed by them going to sleep.
"Would he forgive me if he knew why?" Gendo asked as he shoved the reports away. Did it matter? Would it change Gendo's plan if he knew the answer?
A fairy light touch trailed from Gendo's left shoulder to his right, a touch that was almost impossible, "Of course he won't. Nobody will. I certainly don't."
Gendo's body went rail stiff at the touch and his heart thumped painfully in his chest at the voice. It was impossible, she couldn't!? "Y-Yui?" Gendo spun around in his chair and couldn't believe his eyes. Chucking the bottle he still held at the illusion, it quickly side-stepped to avoid it. Getting up, his chair falling over, Gendo felt the edge of his desk bite painfully into the small of his back. "You can't be here! This…this is all a dream!?" but he so wanted it to be real…Yui right before him.
"You're right, she can't be here. But I just thought you'd accept it easier hearing it from her," the voice changed from warm and caring to deadpan and empty. The body shifted as well from a young mother to a teenage girl with blue hair and eyes. Oh if you tried you could easily see the older woman's face in the younger, but there was just enough difference. "Would you prefer to hear it from this form? You did demand she come eat with you, tighten your leash on her. Well…until you handed the reigns over to one more deserving," again the voice was emotionless and hollow.
And just like that, Gendo realized a glaring flaw in his plan. Grabbing for his side-arm, he felt a tight constriction wrap around his wrist and painfully wrench it up. Then another invisible arm grabbed his other wrist then his ankles. "Why are you here!?" Gendo barked, but his demand was as powerless as he was.
"To take the last piece I need to open the kingdom for my beloved and me," the body reformed again. Now it was more a mixture of the two, full figured with long blue hair and alabaster skin, yet maintaining the sharp and acute facial features. Clad in quite the cliché attire of a white tunic, the woman gripped Gendo by the neck softly, "You had no idea what you were playing with. But you never did physical harm to me. Other than to send one of my predecessors to their death at the hands of that 'old hag'. So I'll not kill you…just leave you here to watch."
Fighting against his invisible confines, Gendo could make no leverage against it. He didn't even feel the pain as Lilith removed his hand along with the Adam embryo. No, all he saw was his plans in ruins, everything in ruins. "D-don't do this…let me see Yui again please…please," he begged. It was the end, his life was likely over at this point, and he wanted Yui to be the last thing he saw.
"No…I must go. Ikari-kun is calling to me, and I've missed him," a voice that sounded so lovely and caring moved Gendo to tears as she dropped him. Flying out the window, her size increasing as she moved. Gendo could only watch and hold the stump of his hand…did he bother contacting anybody with this? They'd know soon enough…and he had no stake in this any longer. So he just fell onto his back and hope the end came quick.
X-X
"
Sitting at a cute little dinette set with her new roommates Yumi and Kai, Maya picked listlessly at her breakfast. Tokyo-2 was just a different place, Maya was coming to learn. This apartment just had a totally different feel to it. Hers back in Tokyo-3 was set up so most things were affixed to the wall so when the buildings shifted they didn't fall, here everything was free flowing. The atmosphere was just lighter, as if the nightmares that the angels represented didn't exist, wasn't their problem. And they weren't, Maya realized. If Nerv failed everybody died true, but those monsters only directly affected Tokyo-3. So the rest of the world moved on, acted as if Tokyo-3 didn't exist.
Being a good guest and not complaining at how weak the miso tasted this morning, Maya gagged it down. "No offense Yumi-chan, but I'll have to find a place of my own before too long. That couch was not created for sleeping on," she joked. Her back did hurt to no end, couch really was too thin in the cushion for sleeping one.
"True, we don't sleep on it either. But we can try to get you an air mattress or a roll out futon for you. It's nice having you here, it's been so long since college," Yumi play batted at Maya. The woman had been a lab partner turned friend in college, a very friendly and relatable person. Yumi was more the project manager type less the worker bee type. With her wavy light brown hair and big soft blue eyes she got the guys all lined up to help her. Didn't hurt she had quite the figure, lean like Maya but with a chest comparable to Ritsuko's. Turning to her current boyfriend, somebody who Maya couldn't gauge well, "Kai say something to Maya-chan. Being alone in the city isn't any fun. We could do a whole lot of fun things together if she stays."
Favoring himself an early morning beer, Kai was a long haired slacker type if Maya's indication was accurate. Tall with well-defined muscles, tanned, and longer hair combed back over, and a daring earring, guy just had slacker and one-night stand written all over him. "Yumi-chan is totally right, Maya-chi," Kai just had a thing for nicknames. His eyes danced over both Maya and Yumi, a carnivore looking up the next prey. His hand under the table got Yumi to giggle, "We could go out and hit the clubs or something. Get your mind off that guy that you left behind."
"A good drink I could stand for. The stress of Tokyo-3 is still riding high on my mind. But maybe some place quieter than a club," Maya didn't want to rock the boat. Until she had a new place lined up, she had to play to these two. Wish she didn't know about Kai when she accepted Yumi's couch. A full week in this town, she still hadn't heard from Shinji, not that she expected it. The report she bribed out of Aoi at the cost of being a brides maid was full of heart wrenching details. She knew Shinji would make it through though, and so would Ritsuko. Checking her watch, she had to hurry to get the train, "Yumi you going in now or later?" Yumi wasn't due on base until later.
Yumi and Kai shared a look and a lurid smile, nope Yumi wasn't going in now. "I have a few things to take care of around here first. But I think you should take us up on a night out on the town, Maya-chan. We need to knock that stress out of you, I don't like you having those night terrors," she got up and trailed behind Maya. "Kai take care of the dishes," she ordered, or at least tried to. Kai just continued to drink at the table as the pair went to the door.
"Where did you meet him again? That guy doesn't strike me as the domestic type," Maya slipped her shoes on. Kai was more a gigolo, less a boyfriend. Maya never liked the 'bad-boy' type, she didn't have a type as her current relationship status indicated. A severely depressed teenage war veteran and an emotionally abused genius scientist, quite the polar opposites in many regards. Yumi gave her the 'don't talk about what you don't know' look so Maya held her hands up. "Just want to make sure you're safe and happy. I don't have many friends left, Yumi," they would fit on one hand.
That reproachful glare vanished back to Yumi's normal easy grin. "I know it looks bad, he looks bad…but he makes me feel so good! Sex with him is just the best, really the only reason I keep him around. No workable skills, dumb as a bag of hammers, but he can just keep going. He's asked if…you'd consider a three-way with us. It's intense to say the least. I don't know your thoughts on being with a woman…and you have a guy back in Tokyo-3. But I won't tell if you don't," she winked playfully fully on board with the idea.
"I've been in them before," Maya said with an undertone of anger. Was that why Yumi brought her in, to have yet another body on hand? Shinji was nearly to much for Maya to handle, boy had boundless energy and his little condition meant he would truly would take a long time to finish. But Maya kept the details of her relationship a secret from her only option for lodging at the moment. But when Maya got her own place she would come clean, and let Yumi's opinion slide off like water off a ducks back. Now that Yumi was practically dancing, it was time to put the cap back on it, "But I'm just not ready for something like that. I'll be fine once I learn more about what's going on back in Tokyo-3."
Yumi didn't press the issue, thank the gods, and Maya left the two for their morning romp. They had a very vocal night session too, Maya did her best to tune them out. She had suspected it was more Kai pressing the issue, but something in Yumi's little tone left Maya wondering if her friend was a man eater. Not Maya's way, but she'd not comment…not until she was safely in a new place and not homeless.
Weaving through the bustling crowds of early morning commuters, Maya wasn't used to this anymore. As time passed and Tokyo-3 depopulated, she had gotten far too used to empty streets and vacant train cars. Tokyo-2 was busting at the seams with the original inhabitants and the influx of Tokyo-3 refugees. You could tell too, who was fleeing the ravaged city, they had a hollow and haunted air about them. They had seen things man wasn't meant to, and it marked them changed them. Getting into the train car, Maya had to grab a hand loop as all the chairs were taken. Most of the cabin was crammed to capacity with people, defiantly something Maya wasn't used it.
"Now a cabin like this would be what…" Maya felt a sense of whimsy emotionally sock her in the gut. Her legs went a little woozy, her body heated up, yeah she knew she had a few kinks about her that weren't normal. Twirling around, pressing her backside up against the door, she kept her eyes open for any would be letch. When she got back to Tokyo-3…both of them would have to play her little game once the trains were filled like this. Shinji could be on one side and Ritsuko the other and they could all just…Maya colored as the train moved on.
Another thing Maya couldn't help but notice was just how lax the security was at the base in Tokyo-2. Base was hardly the word for it, more office than military instillation. A remote node of the Magi in Tokyo-2 hardly needed the massive amount of protection as Nerv proper did. Her station was on the third floor, complete with windows overlooking the city. A view, that was something Nerv proper could use. Maya waved at the others already there, drinking coffee and slacking off. This place just lacked the intensity that got Maya's blood pumping, made her think her work had merit. This was just an overflow location, a hub for the international Magi units to funnel through to get to Tokyo-3's Magi proper.
"Hey Ibuki-kun, starting to get the hang of things?" her onsite supervisor asked. A married middle aged main with a pot belly, short cropped blond hair and mustache, had since Maya arrived been open and friendly. Everybody was friendly, but Maya saw them talk behind their hands. Questions about why Nerv sent one of their higher lieutenants to this out of the way sub-base. They were afraid of her so they put on a happy and accommodating face.
Getting herself a cup of coffee, with so few people they actually just had a coffee pot in the corner of the room and all their mugs left there, Maya nodded. "The VPN is very slow, but it's working fine for all my maintenance checks. I'll just have to get used to it," she shrugged lightly and headed to her station. Let them continue to gossip about why she was there. Exiled for some crime, upsetting a superior and getting a demotion, or maybe she was a spy?
"Now let's see if she's online," Maya prayed softly. Plugging in her USB-drive which contained all Ritsuko's data needs, she laid her purse over the top of it. No good having people peeking. They might think the big nasty girl from Nerv proper was sending secret communique! How would that look on the sleepy little networking station? Maya didn't care, Ritsuko needed several designer chemical blends that took most of the night to find listed in obscure research papers. 'You there Sempai?' Maya typed into her notepad link to her beloved scientist.
'Thanks for the reports. Going to have to try adding the core to the subject today. Just got it patched up,' Ritsuko's message flashed and was gone. Ritsuko was some twenty minutes away from a visit from Gendo and Fuyutski. 'How are things with Yuki?' came almost as an afterthought.
Giggling a little, Ritsuko just didn't care about the small details that didn't affect her. Maya had seen the woman remember the most insignificant details about Shinji and herself, but the name of one of Maya's college friends? Hell no. 'Asked me to have sex with her stoned boyfriend and her. You don't get out soon I might have to take her up on it,' they both knew that was a joke.
'Do that and I'll have to take Shin-chan all to myself,' Ritsuko was never as easy to tell if joke or serious though.
About to disconnect her USB thumb drive and start work proper, Maya didn't dare risk chatting about banal things with Ritsuko for long, she paused. Long range messaging did have the risk of being found and they hadn't always been too discreet. Sadness, that cold and life altering miasma flowed into her, and she felt her eyes water. This wasn't what she wanted! Not for Ritsuko and not for Shinji! She was safe and secure far away from danger while both of them were at the epicenter of it. But she had agreed to Shinji's ultimatum, he had been so clever…at least he thought so. Trying to act all cold and aloof, act as if he didn't care. Maya knew better, Shinji's heart was on his sleeve, and it was bleeding. He was terrified for her, so worried he'd get her hurt. But he didn't want to act that way.
So Maya played along, let Shinji think his little ploy was working. He still cared, Maya never doubted that. What she did doubt was Katsuragi, who just had a desperate clinginess that Maya hated. Yumi had that same peculiar mist lingering about like a foul stench. They didn't care who got hurt if they got what they wanted, and Maya heard Katsuragi had a thing for men. But Maya also so the tenderness that existed between wayward boy and sterile woman. If something DID happen, she'd forgive him if it was over. If it didn't happen, Maya would forever be relieved. When she got back though, she was going to make Shinji BEG to take her back, she did have a few domineering fantasies.
Mindlessly working for the next two hours, Maya was perplexed when her connection was suddenly cut off. "Not now you stupid thing…" not the first time she lost connection, but it was always annoying. Trying to reestablish her link to the Magi, Maya noticed a severe influx of traffic leading towards the base. This wasn't right, why would the other Magi be queuing up for access to the master files?
"Ibuki-kun you have to see this! Something is happening in Tokyo-3, something big!" her site-manager yelled to her. Somebody rolled in a television with the news on it. Static filled images of a being of light stood with arms out stretched. Rei, a giant and aged Rei stood with a calm smile and arms outstretched towards the camera and then static.
The attack! The Rei-thing was attacking which mean the base was likely about to be hacked! Maya ran back to her station and severed all network connections coming into the substation…it wouldn't stop all the attempts but at least half of them! "So…this is it…isn't it?" after this fight it was over right, please? Maya didn't know, and no other station had anything about the events in Tokyo-3, go figure they never did before, why would they now? Maya just had to sit and ride it out, she hated it.
X-X
Sitting in the test plug, Shinji could tell when somebody was upset at him and he saw one right now. This Makoto guy, the one that was with the therapist lady, he was livid and Shinji knew it. Well tough luck, buddy, not much cares to give right now. Shinji's cares were reserved for Misato right now, she needed it more than this guy did. With his knowledge of the Eva now, Shinji didn't need to focus anymore, he totally opened himself to his mother's soul and she in kind. So it was just hours a day looking at people that were either afraid of him or hated him. Life was grand wasn't it.
"We're about done here, Ikari-kun," Makoto's bored tone just screamed annoyed. Hands working under the view of the camera, the LCL started to seep out. His head whipped back and forth, fingers to Shinji's face and back in a quick cycle. The man was thinking about something, debating on pushing things. And in the end, "Are you sleeping with Katsuragi-san?"
Great this again, exactly what he wanted. Shinji leaned forward and just exhaled the LCL into the lowering tide of it. Yes he was sleeping with her, they both needed an anchor and they had been that for one another for a long time now. But that wasn't what this guy was asking. "What does it matter to you?" Shinji was just tired. Why couldn't this be over, he was tired of all this waiting and pain. Days upon days of the same thing repeating again and again.
"Maya," Makoto said simply enough and that got Shinji's attention. An intensity fell over the man that he normally lacked. Scanning the room, it was always empty so why was he worried, he went off, "That girl is a friend of mine, a great friend. I don't know what you two have going on, but she takes it very seriously. I don't think you're the type to play around with people…don't know you that well though. You cheating on her, I'd have to lay you out after this is all over if you are." He punched his right fist into his other palm as a show of force.
Well that was reason enough to actually answer the man, Shinji fathomed. Swatted the LCL out of his hair, it stung his eyes, "First off I'm just sleeping with Misato-san, we're not having sex. Second…do you know the burden SHE is under or me? I killed a friend…hell after the last three angels I've lost somebody important to me! And now I'm stuck here, in this reminder that I helped kill a friend. And she's been under all the stress of running this place, with almost no emotional support. Maybe if you stopped thinking of your lady friend and realized other people have problems?" It was wrong to talk this way to an adult, but Shinji was just out of fucks to give.
"I-uh-well…Katsuragi-san has seemed down lately," Makoto's fury was hit by the wall of Shinji's depression and flickered. Opening the test tank for the lad to get out, he grabbed a towel he met Shinji in the test chamber. Handing the cloth over, "Didn't want to be cruel, but word around the base is odd right now, kiddo. Hearing Maya talk about how happy she was with Akagi-san and you…I've never seen her so glowing. I don't have a right to talk about what you do…but think of her before you do anything that might hurt her. But I do have to ask, why did you send her away?"
Drying his hair with the towel, Shinji would let the guys attempt at burying the hatchet at least appear to work. The dull throb of anger was still there, but it was always there. A gift he inherited from Asuka, a never vanishing rage. Sighing and tossing the towel in the bin, "Because with the track record lately, I didn't want to risk it. Misato-san has to be here to run things, and Unit-01 needs me…but is there any reason Maya-chan has to be here in harm's way?
"No, no there isn't," Makoto replied with a sudden realization. Slapping Shinji on the back lightly, the lad did jerk forward regardless, and clamped his hand on Shinji's shoulder. "Oh, before you head off. Aoi wanted me to apologies to you. She normally gets days if not a week or two to research and prep for a session. She, well she feels she might have made a mess of things. The whole confidentiality thing means I can't say much, cause I don't know what she said to you…but she was torn up about it," he gently prodded and lead the boy down towards his final destination.
Shrugging, Shinji didn't care anymore his was to deep in himself to see the surface. "Accepted, she was just trying to help." It didn't work, just thinking about it made that ember of rage flair, but it was just words.
"Thanks, it'll mean a lot to her. If you're open to it, she wouldn't mind trying…" Makoto stopped as the alarms started sounding. Red lights and emergency klaxons churned to life with their garish and ear splitting decibels. After a moments panic, "G-get to Unit-01 and I'll get to the bridge…this is it!"
Grabbing Makoto's hand and using all his strength to yank the man back. Misato had said something about a possible attack on the base when this happened. "No…get Asuka and put her in Unit-02 first. Misato told me a few things…just trust me on this," Shinji felt the man's pulse and it was racing. Increasing the force he was applying when Makoto tugged a little, this was not an option.
Nodding quickly, Makoto's glasses slipped and nearly fell, "Will do, I'll load her into it. But you need to get going." When he was released, Makoto rubbed his wrist for a moment, learned something about Shinji he hadn't before, then ran off.
"This is finally happening," Shinji was glad. He wasn't going to try to die or lose, but if he did fail here he had to put his faith in Maya finding happiness…Ritsuko and she would help each other recover. Running full tilt to Unit-01 and found the plug open and waiting for him. They had kept him on base for this, so he was prepped and ready. It was the long haired guy that he saw when he was synching, Misato wasn't on bridge yet. Before he launched though, "Has Asuka been loaded into Unit-02 yet?"
Shigeru's head twitched from side to side in utter confusion, "What…why would she be…huh wait, Makoto? You are? Well yeah, she's just been loaded." A lot was happening, and so few people knew the truth of it all, and this was one of the many sheep. "Launching you now, good luck Ikari-kun. We don't know it's capabilities so be careful," he sent the boy up to face mortal peril.
The g-force rocked Shinji as it always did, and he found himself in the forest outside the complex that he saw his target. Thanks to his time as a liquid, neither alive nor dead, he didn't have to worry about power. They had all the time they needed to play this out. Willing Unit-01 in closer to the standing being of white, Shinji had to keep his emotions at bay, do not fear…fear was the mind killer. "It ends here, for once of us, it ends here," after all the pain she inflicted on him, Shinji had no restraints.
Walking calmly and with open arms, Lilith's body solidified from pure white to having just enough complexion to make out features. The tunic Gendo had seen was gone now, she was open for Shinji to see. "You've finally come to me, beloved, are you ready to leave, to end this farce here?" she spoke right to his mind, if any audible component existed Shinji couldn't distinguish.
"Stop using her face! Stop using her voice!" Shinji yelled as he ran at her with dagger in hand! This monster did not have the right to use his Rei's voice and mannerisms! And they were there, disfigured by age, but Shinji would never forget how Rei spoke! Tearing through Lilith's AT Field, Shinji and she locked hands and with all of his fury he tried to push her down to the ground, but it was an immovable wall.
Twirling around Shinji, taking Unit-01's arm with her she held it in a submission pose. "Shall we play a little before we leave then? And why shouldn't I speak like myself…I've become complete my love. I remember all now, I am your Rei and more now," she chorused into Shinji's mind. Using her other hand she put it against Unit-01's neck and yanked back forcing Shinji to stare up at the dome above the Geo-Front.
"That can't…be true," Shinji choked out as he felt his throat constrict. A thought came to him and stopped supporting himself by the legs and dropped down, Lilith flipping over his back and landing before him. Her eyes…they looked just like…no this wasn't right! Drawing his dagger up in a killing blow, he hesitated. What if she wasn't lying, could his Rei be alive inside this new thing? "I-if you are in there…why did you…why did you do what you did to me!" he yelled out. Voices of Misato and other bridge crew yelled at him to strike, but he just couldn't yet.
Gently caressing Unit-01's cheek, Lilith's eyes flared, "Let us talk someplace more private." And like that, the world around both of them changed. Shinji found himself outside of Unit-01, found himself actually quite naked in a featureless land of white. He didn't see what he was standing on, but he felt some type of ground under his bare feet. Standing an arm's length away from him, was Lilith. Trailing her hand down his arm, "Ah, this is much better. We can be alone here, and have all the time we need."
"W-where are we? What are you going to do to me?" Shinji's mind shimmered darkly. It didn't feel bad though, not like he felt when the third incarnation of Ayanami did what she did to him. Was she holding him in place or was it just his own fears paralyzing him. Summing his courage, Shinji willed his hand to move and it did. The back of his hand gently pressed to Lilith's cheek, it was warm and ever so inviting. "W-what…who are you really?" Shinji choked out, emotions lodged in his throat.
Tittering she took his hand and lead him down the featureless venue, just walking on the nothing. "So many questions, just like I had been when you approached me so long ago," the sensual voice she had before was replaced with a tenderness that Shinji remembered. Standing a foot over than him now thanks to her adult form, Lilith and to slow her walk to not force him to speed up. "We are at the cusp of a new form of existence for mankind. If you wish all souls can be made one, all people joined together to fill the gaps that mankind has. We will be together finally as we wished to be, before Katsuragi made her mistake. Now that I'm complete…all of my incarnations are one," she sat down on an invisible bench.
"I don't understand any of this," Shinji whimpered as he sat next to her. Was this really his Rei or was it a trick, did it even matter at this point? He wasn't in Unit-01 anymore, was he still even fighting her or was this what happened after? Was he dead? Feeling Rei's hand on his knee, he just stared at it, "You died…I mourned you…and then you came back different. I had to sit and watch, and all that did was hurt more. Then you…or not you…forced me to…it hurt so much."
Taking his hand, Lilith waved her hand and the scene changed to a garden complete with fountain. It was the park they liked to take walks through. "That version of me wasn't complete, it was more alien than human, and only had partial memory. All I knew was something existed that made me feel wondrous, but didn't know exactly what. So I went looking, found a pale imitation of it in those others. And when I found you again, I didn't know it was wrong to do what I did to you. But that is gone now, I am reborn. Not the poor creature named Ayanami Rei or what you call an angel named Lilith, but I am both," she made a sky with clouds and sun.
"It's so beautiful here," Shinji felt his resolve wavering. Could he just stay here with her? It was starting to make sense now. Souls, souls existed and he did now that…and what Rei was saying made sense in that context! Just let go and let bask in love for this woman at his side. "W-what is happening back there?" Shinji hoped he didn't have to say where 'there' was.
Making a small image of what was happening appear before them, Lilith/Rei held the globe before them both. It showed Shinji hovering off the ground with a massive Rei holding her arms out. "We have started what neither of us knew was the plan of old men from the start. There is only two ways out from here, to continue onward or to stop it before it starts. All souls merge or all remain separate," leaning against his side, "except us. I will not leave you again."
It sounded good, but Shinji didn't want to be one with everybody! He knew who he cared about and that was all he wished to be with. Did he have the right to choose this though? He was just a stupid kid damn it! This was so beyond him, he didn't want this responsibility.
"Idiot! What are you doing here!?" Asuka yelled out suddenly. Appearing behind the seated pair, Asuka forced them apart. Helping Shinji off the ground, they both noticed Asuka was just as bare as they were. "I wake up in a lake under attack, get up and find you and that bitch holding hands. And now I find you in here…in this dream world…with her? Don't you remember what she did to you? What she made us both remember? Act don't think!" Asuka grabbed his hand with one and pointed at Lilith with the other.
The image of the garden vanished and the three were again in a void of white. Standing up again, Lilith/Rei bowed her head low, "Soryu, I did not expect to see you here. I owe you an apology as well for my imperfect self's terrible deed. But as you are here now you are part of this. We stand on the cusp of Instrumentality, the dropping of physical bonds and merging of souls. All pain will be gone, all suffering erased." Pointing to a dark orb, "All we need to is wish it."
"Well fuck that, fuck this place, and fuck you. I need my pain, I need my individuality. And I need this idiot with me for it. I have to wait and see what his stupid kids look like with Ibuki and Akagi. I have to…I have to have him in my life. So let's go Shinji…" she tugged on his arm away from the stationary Rei. "This isn't a place for us, isn't something we're supposed to decide. Lets just go home before she starts making sense or the medication wears off," Asuka added.
Reaching out for her, his mind nearing its breaking point, "But she's my-my Rei too. We can just be done with all the…" Asuka twirled him to face her and Shinji's blinked hard. She was back to her lovely self, confident and controlled, a red haired Valkyrie. And when she back handed him one moment and yanked him in for a chaste kiss on the lips…Shinji lowered his head and turned back to Rei. In that moment they did merge in mind if not body…he saw that Rei was truly his Rei and the others. He saw her plan for him, and wanted to be part of it. But he also touched Asuka's mind and saw her point as well. This wasn't their choice to make, this wasn't right…All the pain and suffering he felt, what was it compared to the joy he felt? What had Misato, Touji, Kensuke, Asuka, and even Rei and his relationship worth when waged against the pain in his life? Looking at the older face of his first true love, he had his answer.
"Asuka is right, Rei-chan. We had our time, and I do still love you," he took Asuka's hand for the power he needed, "But our place is on earth. Pain…I hate it but I need it. Can-will you send us back?"
"For now I will," Rei smiled and the black orb vanished. "And when we meet again…when your mortal life is over…we will be together again. I will watch over you until then. And Soryu, if you let him come to harm after taking him from here…" And white washed over him, the last was for Asuka and Rei only, Shinji wasn't privy to it.
X-X
Author Notes
And we have our near-instrumentality and had it averted. Next chapter will be the other side of the coin…not in the ethereal void of combined thoughts. Hope you enjoyed this and the story as a whole. It did not go as I expected, my original idea was after Rei II died, Shinji and Ritsuko would have become a couple much faster and been the focal point of the second half. Maya was going to be an antagonist trying to vie for her affection…but the muse is what the muse is and the story took the path it did.
Well hope you're enjoying the slow death of winter and the eventual return of green.
Ja Mata
Zentrodie