Bellamy always came to bed exhausted, but in his sleep he was too restless to stay in one place. I had also learned he put out an insane amount of body heat. It was like sleeping next to a furnace and it hadn't gotten cold enough for me to tolerate that yet. He didn't want to give up contact altogether, so he compromised by keeping at least part of us together. Some mornings I woke up with his butt to me, his leg between mine. Sometimes it was us holding hands and facing each other. One day I woke up with him flat on his stomach and me draped across his back.

I smothered a smile. That one was definitely my fault.

Between bad morning breath and getting washed up, we managed to develop a nice, homey routine. It felt almost normal. Our nights stayed pretty much the same as before.

I was going to have to do something about that soon.

Today it was his leg thrown over me. I turned over to face him, admiring the line of his profile. I used to think he was good looking, but me not liking him clouded my perception. Now...I couldn't help but be fascinated by the individual parts that composed Bellamy Blake. The freckles. His nose. His hair. The slope of his eyebrows. The crease on his cheek when he smiled.

The camp hadn't stirred awake just yet. It might as well have just been him and me in the world.

I nibbled my lip, staring at the bare angle of his bicep. Nothing was stopping me but me.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his skin. Warm.

He sighed.

So far so good. I moved a little to the left, kissed that space there, then to the right, kissing the space there too.

His head rolled toward me. "Hey," he said sleepily, eyes not quite open.

"Morning," I whispered, careful not to breathe on him.

His lashes lifted. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you wake up." I started to follow the line of his collarbone.

"Keep that up and I'll be more awake than you can handle." His hand curled up and tangled in my hair, playing with the strands. He was more asleep than anything, and I thought that peaceful, foggy look was unbelievably cute.

I leaned over him, spreading kisses over his chest. "I don't know about that."

"We've got to be careful, Princess."

I slid my bare knee up over his pants. He was already interested. "My back's fine, Bellamy."

He caught my knee but didn't move it. "Yeah, but that's not the only thing we have to consider."

I paused, confused. "What else could there possibly be?"

He didn't answer at first, just brushed my hair out of my face and cupped my head. "We don't know if you're pregnant yet."

I frowned. "I don't get it." I drew back a little. "You said-"

"And that still stands," he interjected quickly. "If you are, you are. But if you aren't? I don't want to put you at risk. We have to get you protected."

I absorbed that. "Why does it feel like you're trying to find excuses?"

He closed his eyes. "Don't be like that, Clarke. It's obvious that's not the case." He pressed my thigh against his hard-on for emphasis. "But I'm not putting you in danger just so we can relieve some of the sexual tension."

I tried to be reasonable and see the logic in what he was saying, but mostly I felt rejected. It was silly and it wasn't something I was proud of, but I couldn't help the nugget of hurt that was starting to blossom in my chest. "There are ways,"I offered half-heartedly. "We don't have to do everything."

His brows climbed to his hairline. "Do you seriously think we're going to be able to start something and then stop it?"

I sat up all the way. "We could if we wanted."

He sat up too, now looking tired in a different way. I shouldn't have started this argument, but dammit, I just...well, I didn't know how to put it into words. We were together but not together. Sex didn't make a relationship work. We'd proven that. Logically it didn't mean much of anything in the grand scheme of things.

But...I loved him. It took me a while to realize that's how I felt, and now I wanted to do more than just say it. I wanted to show him. Not just comb his hair and make him feel better when he had a bad day. I wanted to express it in a way that had been around since humanity started.

He wasn't letting me.

"Clarke."

I didn't look at him, concentrating on the blanket in my lap. I picked at the pills.

His hand came up and cupped the cheek farthest from him, turning my head so that my ear was right next to his mouth. "I think," he said softly, "that you are greatly underestimating your appeal to me."

He kissed my cheek.

Okay. So that went a long way in making me feel better, but that didn't mean I didn't see his game. "I won't be swayed by your excellent diversion tactics,"I said, trying to smother my smile.

"I've got skills you've never imagined," he tossed back. Then he grew more serious. "You said it would be just a few weeks, right? We can wait that long."

I sighed. "I don't want to." I didn't care if I sounded like a petulant child. In a way that's exactly how I felt.

"I like how bad you want my body, Princess, but the gate's locked on this one."

I cast him the side eye. "Are you saying that you're a prince in the tower?"

He grinned. "Wanna slay my dragon?"

"Get out." I shoved his legs off of the bed. "Go. People need you."

He leaned on me heavily. "Is that a no?"

I put my hand on his face and pushed, laughing. "Fearless leaders need to lead."

"I'm going, I'm going," he groused. Then he stood up and one of my favorite parts of the day started—watching him stretch.

The muscles in the human body were amazing. Watching Bellamy go through the motions of loosening them up? It was the closest to poetry I'd find down here.

I nibbled on the tip of my finger.

He started to wash up. That was my signal to get going too. I made a show out of taking my shirt off and reaching for my bra, keeping myself in plain sight.

I heard him muffle a groan.

Good.

I put the bra on, then winced. Dammit. Was there something stuck in the lining? I adjusted. In the middle of shifting things around, a thought occurred to me.

Tender breasts.

Mood swings.

It was too early for that, wasn't it? I tried to do the math.

"You okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah. Just thinking about something."

He frowned. "Okay."

Should I tell him? These were also signs of a period. It could go either way at this point. "Any idea what's happening with the nets?"

"Experiments one and two were utter friggin' failures," he muttered, throwing his makeshift towel back in its place before shrugging on his shirt. "Experiment three is supposed to start today."

Peter had turned out to be a lifesaver. He was quiet, maybe quieter than even Sam, which was probably why the two of them got along so well. She was always parked right beside Jasper at night, listening raptly to one of Peter's stories. It was becoming a regular communal thing. Dozens of people would gather around and listen to creation tales and fantastic happenings none of us had ever heard of before.

One night I'd commented on how strange it was to Bellamy. Peter was so comfortable in the background that you'd almost forget he was there. I never would have thought he'd light up the way he did when it was time to tell a story. He was so good at it. He had a way of making someone feel awed and inspired, and maybe a little bit smaller in the grand scheme of things. When he talked, I wanted to draw.

"I think he's been waiting for this day all his life," Bellamy'd said.

I didn't know what he meant by that exactly, but I didn't doubt it. Some people were just born for it.

I shivered. As warm as the days still were, nights were getting undeniably chillier. Not cold, but that was just around the corner. I could see why Bellamy was started to feel frustrated about the nets. We needed the food, and soon.

I wanted at least a few more minutes of quiet time with Bellamy, but it wasn't to be. We walked into the morning light together. The camp was waking up, and people were already headed for the ration station, yawning and stretching.

The landscape of the camp was changing.

No more tents. Every one of the hundred had a waginogan. They had to be shared for the moment, but the novelty of having a real roof overhead was enough to keep the complaints down. Crude bed frames were being constructed so that everyone could have a sleeping space to call their own. I could feel the change in the camp. People were...well, I'm not sure happy was the word, but they were content, more cheerful. We had fewer fights and—miraculously—fewer injuries. Morale was up, as Bellamy would say.

It wasn't until the mood lifted that I realized how dark and serious the air around camp had become.

There was nothing to laugh at down here, really. The uncertainty of survival was serious business. More than that, I think people had just become used to being grim.

Providing shelter—real shelter, in the true definition of the word—and equipping them with the necessary skills to create it, gave the hundred hope. It was small compared to the radiation fog, or the thunderstorms, or any of the other natural events Earth throw our way, but they had it. We had it. We were slowly but surely taking something back for ourselves. We had real, tangible power.

You could feel the difference just by walking through the camp.

Suddenly it wasn't let's just hope we get through this. It was maybe we can do this after all. Once that had been sent into motion, it became "What else can we accomplish?"

Octavia plopped herself down on the log next to Bellamy. "I've been thinking."

He said nothing. Didn't even grunt. This was Blake for I'm listening.

"Remember the Viking common halls?"

He perked up.

In her excitement she turned to swing a leg over and face him fully, eyes alight. "Peter told me last night that his people had the same thing, and that's where they would gather in winter to tell stories and eat. We'd have to move the wall back, but I think we have to do that anyway if we're going to build more waginogans. That would mean clearing out a few trees, which would give us the space and materials we need to build a common hall. More people would have to go on patrol, but some of these kids don't have anything to do right now anyway. We could start out with basic chairs and tables," she said, ticking off a finger at a time, "a fire pit, a kind of stage for when someone needs to make an announcement, and it would be a focal point to run to if we need it."

She paused, smiling at the both of us. "What do you think?"

I thought it sounded like she'd had it all figured out.

Bellamy and I looked at each other. "It's ambitious," I said.

"Wood burns easier than metal."

"But we can have it designed to be easier to defend."

"We'd have to start with a giant waginogan."

"I think it's a good idea," I told him.

He turned to his sister. "Peter has a lot to handle with the nets. You would have to take control of the main part of the project."

"Leave it to me," she said with total confidence.

I liked her enthusiasm. Octavia had been working really hard lately, showing that she had a knack for organizing things. A project like this was exactly what she needed to challenge her. "It would be a good idea to bring Miller in so he can keep an eye out."

Octavia waited a beat. "On what?"

"The more wall you take down, the more exposed you'll be. It wouldn't hurt to have him around."

"Oh." She looked relieved. "Yeah. Of course."

She was so thrilled by the possibilities that she just skipped off then and there, to find Miller or someone else, I wasn't sure. I waited until she was out of sight. "You're handling this well."

"She's gotta grow up sometime."

"Try saying that again like you aren't choking on a bag of nails."

"Today this is as good as it gets."

"It's good to know, though," I said after a companionable silence. "Not even two months ago we were all fighting each other for supremacy. Now we've got homes, a plan for the future, a kind of cohesion..."

"Let's just hope that it's not like Icarus flying too close to the sun."

There was a danger that we were doing too much too fast; actually, it was more like a matter of hubris. Isn't that was ended up destroying the world in the first place? "I've never thought history repeated itself."

"Well, there are about a million examples that prove you wrong, Princess."

"No. It's not history that repeats. It's people. The way they think. They keep falling into the same traps because they're afraid to do something revolutionary. I don't want that to happen to us."

He didn't say anything to that. He just finished eating his meal.

Raven helped me in the med center when she wasn't tinkering with salvaged machinery. Octavia was busy with her plans. Monty was collecting samples of the local fauna and experimenting with uses. Jasper split his time between Peter and Monty. He had the language skills to make Peter's wishes known and the brains to help Monty work through his problems.

Bellamy went wherever he was needed.

Baxter and Sam had set up a virtual factory for crafted goods. They had help and they were making our lives more civilized. The rest of the hundred were becoming builders, hunters, guards, whatever any of us needed to get this place really going.

Once the ball of progress started, there was no stopping it. That day the first successful net was created. After that it was onto the next.

I kept track of my symptoms. I added dizziness to the list.

On the third day, Peter, Jasper, Baxter, Monroe, and Bellamy went fishing for the first time. I had a feeling someone was going to get hurt, so I had them take their first aid kits.

It was near sunset when they came back. The gate opened and they strolled in like kings, grinning and eager to show off. We were all thrilled. Food! Wonderful food. And there was plenty of it! What would fish taste like? How did we eat it?

Jasper saw me and thrust something towards me. "How about that, Clarke?"

On his knife was a long string of fish held by the gills.

The scent assaulted me.

I couldn't stop it; I turned around and threw up right then and there at the base of a tree. It was awful, and it just kept happening.

"Shit! Are you okay? Clarke, are you okay?" He was holding onto my arm.

I patted him without looking up. "I'm fine," I croaked. "It just...happens."

"Ha-" Comprehension dawned. "Ooooh."

I wiped my mouth and finally raised my head.

Bellamy met my gaze from across the crowd. He knew. I watched it settle over his shoulders like a physical weight. He stood taller, straighter, and for a second my heart squeezed to look at him. I'd told him that none of us were kids anymore. Here was physical representation of that truth. Bellamy, ready to butt heads with the future.

And he was mine.

I was his.

Knowing that gave me the strength to smile slightly at him, even though my stomach was still roiling and nausea was crawling up my throat again. "I'm going to go wash my mouth out," I said to no one in particular.

The whispers had already been there. Now it was a murmur. I felt the looks pinned right on my spine.

Instead of going to the med center I headed for Monty's, hoping that mint water was good for more than hair.

Monty looked up when I came in. He gave me a silent once over, and in that understated way of his, nodded to himself. "Rough day?"

"As life changing revelations go, not that bad. Wasn't something I didn't already know." Or at least suspect. "I need something to clean my mouth out with."

"Yeah," he said, getting up and getting what I needed. When he handed the bowl over, he stood back and watched me. "Want to talk about it?"

I rinsed and spat into the waste water receptacle. "Give me a minute." I took another mouthful, swished, and spat. "That feels so much better. My first time around fish and I throw up."

"Guess they caught some after all. I was beginning to think they'd fallen into the river." He settled back down on his makeshift cot. "How are you feeling? Not, you know, physically feeling. I meant mentally and emotionally."

I wasn't shocked by his lack of surprise. The rumors had been circulating for awhile, and Bellamy had flat out announced it to his Think Tank. "Scared. Worried. Relieved to know one way or the other." I toyed with the cup. How to put this into words? "And...a little excited." I darted a glance at him. "Is that weird?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the usual response."

"This aren't the usual circumstances."

"No. That's why I'm going to say something that's probably going to put a damper on the moment." Monty locked his hands around one knee and looked me straight in the eye. "Some people are justifiably scared at the thought of having a kid down here."

"...I know." I was one of them. Acknowledging that didn't matter to the little nugget of happiness that had started to glow in my chest. There were so many things against us, but knowing that she was real...that made a difference.

"I've been looking into alternative means of contraception. I've also come across certain combinations of plants that will end a pregnancy." He just left that out there, not bothering to explain what I already knew he was offering.

Bellamy and I had talked. We had decided to be parents. For a second, though, I thought about the choice Monty was putting in front of me. It was the final test of my commitment, and from this moment I had to be totally sure. No turning back.

I sighed shakily, knowing what I was getting into.

I raised my chin. "I'm going to have the baby."

We stared at each other for what felt like a long time. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but it wasn't like Monty to make judgments. That was the beauty of him. He just let you be as you were.

Suddenly he sighed. "How are we going to get protein into you if you throw up when you see fish?"

A laugh bubbled up.

It's exactly what I needed.