A/N: WARNING! This chapter talks about drugs, and physical and sexual abuse. Please do not read if any of these subjects bother you!
Thanks to everyone for all of your kind reviews!
Mad love to my kickass beta, friend and sister: plainejanedee
12. Demons P2 ~ UH
When the days are cold, and the cards all fold,
And the saints we see are all made of gold,
When your dreams all fail, and the ones we hail are worst of all,
And the bloods run stale, I wanna hide the truth,
I wanna shelter you, but with the beast inside,
There's no where we can hide, no matter what we breed,
We still are made of greed, this is my kingdom come,
This is my kingdom come,
When you feel my heat, look into my eyes,
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide,
Don't get too close, it's dark inside,
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide,
When the curtains call is the last of all,
When the lights fade out all the sinners crawl,
So they dug your crave and the masquerade will come calling out,
At the mess you've made, don't wanna let you down but I am hell bound,
Though this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth,
No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed,
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come,
They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate,
It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go,
Your eyes they shine so bright, I wanna save that light,
I can't escape this now, unless you show me how!
Demons ~ Imagine Dragons
JPOV
"Where's Ethan?" Bella mumbled against my lips as we stumbled through her door, a mess of tangled limbs as we kissed each other senseless.
"Becca," I returned quickly, slipping my tongue between her lips, needing to taste her sweet nectar, and curling my fingers into her hair. My eyes rolled into my head. She tasted so damned good.
Arching her delicious body into mine, she whispered breathlessly, "I need you, Jake." Her mouth fervently attacked my jaw and neck as her hands frantically roamed my body. So damned sexy. She knew what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to take it. "I need you so badly I ache."
Her seductive words had my pulse fucking skyrocketing, and my cock throbbing painfully in my slacks. Christ, I needed her, too, like she wouldn't fucking believe, but like hell was I gonna take her against the wall of her goddamned apartment like some horny teenaged kid getting his kicks for the first time. Shit, no. When we did take that step, it was gonna be in my bed.
Hauling her sweet body as close to mine as I physically could, I swept my tongue across her succulent lower lip, before breaking away from our kiss. With my chest heaving so fucking heavily it felt as though my heart was gonna implode in my chest, I cupped her cheeks and gazed into her hooded eyes. "I want you, too, baby, but not like this." Her gorgeous face fell, and she began to pull away from me. I needed to tell her the truth about my past. She needed to know what she was getting herself into, but being the selfish asshole that I was, I couldn't fucking risk losing her. Fuck, no. Not losing her again.
Ghosting my fingertips up and down her forearm, I pressed a loving kiss on her forehead. "When I make love to you, I plan on being deep inside you, loving you all damn night. If I make you mine now, it'd be over before it even started, and I can't have it go like that, Bells, I just can't. I want it to be special, Honey. You deserve to be cherished."
A frustrated groan tore from her throat and she dropped her head against my shoulder. "Jake… you're killing me..."
Skimming my nose along the crook of her neck, I breathed in her heavenly berry and vanilla scent, giving myself a second to absorb this unbelievable woman. Christ, she smelled so goddamned good. "I'm killing you? Have you seen yourself in this dress? Driving me crazy. Fucking crazy, baby."
Easing her small hands up my chest, Bella encircled them around my neck before pressing a kiss to my pulse point. "I hate that you're right. But it'll always be special, Jake, because it's us." Gripping my biceps, she stepped onto her tiptoes and leaned into whisper seductively in my ear, "And if you think this dress is sexy, wait till you see what's under it." Her lips curved into a devilish smile and she winked. I gulped, hard.
A feral growl tore from my lips as I felt her nip my earlobe. Jesus. This woman. What did I do to deserve someone as perfect as her?
Her soft, plump, lips were so close, it was taking everything in me not to claim them as mine. The urge to taste her was un-fucking-bearable. Brushing my thumb over her flushed cheek and along her lower lip, I gazed down at her, blown away by the love shimmering in her gorgeous brown irises. Her beauty was staggering, and I swore that there wasn't a single person on this planet more beautiful than the woman encased within my arms. She fucking owned me. Mind, body, and soul, I was hers.
Resting my forehead on hers, I held her captivating gaze and rasped, "You blow me away, you know that? God... you're just... you're fucking perfect."
Holding the lapels of my jacket between her dainty fingers, she tugged me closer until our bodies melded together. With her kiss-swollen lips floating teasingly above mine, she purred in a suggestive voice, "You know, there are... other things we can do to... help us along."
Quirking my brow, I held her smoky gaze and replied in a husky voice, "Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Like this," she breathed, sealing her lips over mine and sliding her fingers under the fabric of my jacket and pushing it from my shoulders.
I growled as she deepened the kiss, consuming my senses and overriding every rational thought I had about 'fessing up, and why I shouldn't haul her beautiful ass down the hall, into her bedroom and make her scream my name all damn night. Tell her.
No, goddammit! Not fucking yet! Palming her hips, I returned her kiss with just as much passion and vigour, needing to drown out the guilt I was feeling, while turning us until we were adjacent to the kitchen wall and guiding us toward it until I had her sexy body pinned. I can't lose her. I just can't. I fucking won't.
"Jake," she mewled, as I trailed my mouth along the slope of her neck, suckling her sweet skin. Fuck, she tasted so good. "Touch me," she whispered, pressing her breasts against my chest. "Please."
Christ. She was killing me. There was no way I could deny her. Not ever.
Reluctantly, I pulled back from our kiss, needing to look at the woman who'd stolen my heart, and cupped her face with my hands. She was unlike anything I'd ever seen. Puckered and swollen lips; a gorgeous pink blush colouring her ivory cheeks, and her chest heaving. So fucking beautiful. "You sure, baby?" I asked, panting.
"I've never been more sure, Jake; please," she begged unashamed and nipping at my earlobe.
Fuck me. I had to tell her.
BPOV
"Fuck, Bells," Jake groaned, as he pushed away from me, scrubbing a hand over his face. Torment and anguish marred his handsome features as he backed up toward my bay window, raking his hands through his hair.
Feeling more than a little confused at his sudden change in demeanour, I self-consciously wrapped my arms around my middle. "Jake?" I asked nervously, wondering if I'd done something wrong.
Gazing back at me with conflicted eyes, he took a second before shaking his head, making my heart plummet to my stomach. "I'm a fucking ass. I should've been straight with you from the beginning, but I didn't wanna lose you. But I can't do this anymore. I can't kiss you and touch you like I want, knowing I'm hiding a shady past."
"Jake..." I started, but he was quick to cut me off.
"No, Bells. I need to do this. I can't keep letting this bullshit fuck up my life." With his hands braced on the window frame, he expelled a deep breath and began. "I owned an auto repair shop back in La Push. Soon as I left school I applied to every full time job I could, and worked my ass off day and night until I had enough money to afford my own shop. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I just knew that I loved working on and restoring cars and bikes, so I figured I could make a living from doing something I loved. Everything was going well. Word got around that I'd opened a shop, and people from all over Forks and PA would bring their cars and bikes for me to fix. I loved it, Bells." The proud smile on his face and the wistful tone of his voice broke my heart.
"My hands were sore as fuck by the end of every day and my body ached, but I loved it. It was an honest day's work. Anyway, after about a year, a group of my friends decided they wanted to throw a party at my house to celebrate my first year of business. I remember feeling fucking beat from working all day long, but I didn't wanna let them down, so I tried to get into it. That's when I saw her again. Charlotte."
"Ethan's mom," I supplied and Jake simply nodded.
"We had a history. Not romantically or anything, but it was there. I'm not the kind of guy to hold grudges, so as uncomfortable as I felt, I went over to her and said hello. She seemed nervous... lost. I wasn't an asshole. I didn't want anyone feeling out of place, so I tried to make her feel welcome." I moved from my position near the wall and made my way toward him. I knew he needed space as he told me about his past, but I needed him to know that I was here.
A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he felt the gentle touch of my hand on his back. "We talked, I got her a drink and she apologised for the shit she'd put me through in high school. Stupidly, I thought she was genuine. Couldn't have been further from the truth." My stomach began to churn at the thought of what she'd done to him.
"After a few minutes of talking and drinking, she told me she needed some fresh air but wasn't comfortable going outside alone so would I go with her. I said yes, because that was the gentlemanly thing to do, and it was crowded inside. I kind of wanted some air, too. Once outside, I sat down on the porch swing, beer in hand, while she talked about where she'd been, and the help she'd gotten. I told her I was glad she felt better, and glad she was back. Somehow, she took my friendliness for flirtation, and before I knew it she was on me, trying to stick her tongue down my throat, her hands all over my body." Oh, God.
Pushing away from the window, he sat on the couch, elbows on his knees and his hands wrung tightly together. Not sure what to do, I remained where I was for a moment before joining him.
"I didn't wanna hurt her feelings, but I didn't feel that way for her, so I pulled away and helped her to her feet before telling her I was flattered, but I didn't see her that way. Thinking that would be the end of it, I wished her a good evening and went back inside to join my friends. I spent the remainder of the evening catching up with my pal Embry. After a bit, he went into the kitchen to grab us a couple more beers. When he came back, he held one out to me and told me it was from some chick. I didn't think anything of it as there were lots of girls there, I just drank it. I had a few more beers. It didn't take long before I was buzzed, way more than I should've been considering the amount I'd drunk.
God...had this bitch drugged him? "I just figured it was because I hadn't eaten since lunch and we were having a good time, so I was downing the beers faster than usual. Pretty soon, my head started spinning, my body began to ache, and I couldn't see straight; my vision was blurry as shit. Needing to sit down, I collapsed into a chair hoping to ride out whatever was wrong with me, but as the minutes past, I started feeling worse... like, more intoxicated." He paused to take a breath, before grinding his teeth together and pursing his lips into a tight line.
"She chose that moment to show her face again. Pretending to be concerned and shit. Asking if I wanted to lie down, y'know, sleep it off. Fucking bitch played me like a fool. Like an idiot, I believed her when she said she'd changed, so I said yes. Next thing I know, we were in my bedroom and she's locking the door." Jesus. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear anymore, but I knew that he needed to get this out. Clearly it had been manifesting for a long time.
"It didn't really register that anything was wrong. Hell, I couldn't really think about much of anything, I felt that fucking smashed. But then she changed. She kept asking me if I wanted to kiss her, and when I said no, she changed her tactic. She started undressing in front of me and asked if I wanted to sleep with her. At first I said no, but you gotta understand, Bells, I was a single, red-blooded man with a chick getting naked for me. All my dick cared about was tits and ass, so I got hard. It's not like a guy has control over that reaction, it just happens. When she started unbuttoning my shirt, I must've blacked out, because I don't remember much. Brief flashbacks, but that was it until I woke up the next morning. I felt like fucking shit. Dry mouth, hangover from hell, pounding headache, you name it, I fucking had it. I found her in the shower, goddamned shit-eating grin on her face, asking me if I wanted to go for another round. I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe that I'd gotten so smashed that I'd slept with a woman I had zero interest in. I know alcohol does crazy, fucked up things to people, but this was all kinds of messed up. I just wanted to get the hell outta there, so I threw on some clothes and high-tailed it to my car.
I didn't know where the fuck to go or what to do, so I drove over to my friend Quil's place. Soon as I got there he could tell that something was off, so I told him what happened. The words that came from his mouth shocked the hell out of me. I'll never forget them to this day. "Jake, bro, sounds to me like our resident psycho drugged you." She fucking put something in my beer, Bells."
"Did she..." I didn't want to say the words. "Was it...consensual?"
"I don't remember saying no, so I guess it must have been. But I don't really remember too much of any of it, either. Physically, I guess I was willing, but," he looked down, shaking his head, "It's just... you hear stories like this in the news and you think it'll never happen to you. But then you go to a party, have a few too many, and make stupid, reckless mistakes you can't take back."
"Honey, what happened was not your fault. She drugged you, Jake. She took advantage of you."
"Did she, though? Maybe I could've stopped her. I should've known better. I was drunk and she was coming onto me. It was bound to happen."
"I don't believe that for a second. You weren't drunk, Jake, you were drugged. Maybe you had a slight buzz from the alcohol, but three or four beers isn't enough to get a guy your size stumbling drunk. Probably a whole six-pack isn't enough to do that! She purposely spiked your drink, knowing it would more than likely be the only way you would be with her. Tell me something - if you had been stone-cold sober, hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, would you have slept with her?"
He shook his head, a strong and determined no.
"Jake, I don't mean to be harsh with you, but I need you to see that you aren't to blame for this. She is. She knew exactly what she was doing. You are innocent. What happened with your friend?"
"Told me I needed to go down to the hospital and get tested. Fuck knows what she could've given me. Luckily, she hadn't given me any STDs, but I was positive for ecstasy." He shook his head and laughed, bitterly. "I was fucking sky-high on E, Bells."
"And her? What happened to her?"
"Came to my house a couple of weeks later claiming she was fucking pregnant." Oh, God. Ethan. "Told me it was mine and what did I intend to do about it. I didn't know what the fuck to do. Ever since that party, my whole life had been turned upside down. She put me through the fucking wringer. I went to my mom because I was all out of options. I'd tried to keep her out of it, but I needed help. She told me that there were ways of determining the DNA of an unborn child. Obviously I didn't wanna hurt the baby, but I needed to know for sure if this kid was mine. So, after several bitch fits from Charlotte, she agreed to let me take her to the hospital where they performed something called an NIPT. Anyway, the test came back positive. The baby was mine, so to try and make our lives a little easier, and after a ton of begging and nagging from her, I agreed to give us a try. I didn't want her that way, but she was carrying my kid.
I gave it a go for a few months, but then she became paranoid. She moved herself into my house while I was at work. Accused me of messing around on her. Demanded to know why I was always home late, and never there in the mornings. I fucking hated living with her, Bells. She made my life a living hell, so if I could get some kinda break from it, even if it meant going into work a few hours earlier or staying later, then I'd do it. Eventually she'd had enough of that, so came to my shop ready for a fight. She wasn't there five minutes before I was accused of sleeping with one of my buddies girlfriends. She caused a rift between me and my mom, telling me I couldn't see her because she didn't like her or some shit. I wasn't allowed to see my sisters for the same reason. I was fucking wrecked. I had no one to turn to. She monopolised and manipulated everything. She'd driven away my family and friends. I lost a shit load of customers because of her. I'd had it.
One night I came home and she was sitting in the dark waiting for me. Like something outta the fucking Godfather. She asked where I'd been, who I'd been with and when I told her I was at work, she fucking hit me. Told me I was a no-good, lying cheater and I'd be a shitty father. Finally, I told her I couldn't do it anymore. She'd taken everything from me and I was done. She came at me again, punching me this time, telling me if I left she'd tell everyone I fucking raped her that night. What kinda girl does that, Bella? I mean, what the fuck goes on in their heads? That woman ruined my fucking life all because I wouldn't willingly fuck her and then she wants to make it look like I physically and sexually abused her."
Placing my hand over his, I linked our fingers together. "Where is she now?"
Shrugging, he looked down to our joined hands, and traced my knuckles with his fingers. "Fuck if I know. When I moved here, her ass was rotting in jail. Then I get a call from my sister telling me she's out and looking for me."
"Did she go to jail for drugging you?"
"Nah, she was sent down for possession and selling drugs. She was sentenced to 34 months but obviously she must've had a fucking kickass lawyer because she served just over a year."
"Did she have Ethan while she was incarcerated?" She must've.
"Yeah. How messed up is that? My kid's first moments were inside a fucking prison."
"Please tell me you have sole custody of him..."
"About two months into her sentence, I filed for sole custody, and because of her record they deemed her an unfit mother and that Ethan's best chance was with me. So yeah, they granted me full custody."
I looked down and shook my head not knowing quite what to say. What could I say? What he'd been through... Jesus, no one should have to go through that.
"You... you mean fucking everything to me, Bells. I couldn't be with you that way without you knowing about my past. I'm... fuck... I'm not that person, Bella. I'm not the monster she made me out to be. Despite everything, I love my kid with everything I have. There's not a single thing I wouldn't do for him. But... I understand, as much as it would kill me to walk away, I'll do it, if you feel like you couldn't be with me anymore."
Scooting closer to him, I placed my hand on his cheek and gently turned his face until we were eye-to-eye. The shame and anguish I saw swimming in his beautiful topaz orbs killed me. "Honey, how could you ever think I'd want you to go?" I tried my hardest to keep my voice soft, but inside I was fighting a raging war of emotions. I wanted to hunt this fucking bitch down and make her pay for everything she'd put Jake and his adorable little boy through. "Don't you get it? I'm crazy for you, Jake, and hearing this? What you went through to protect your child? You have no idea what it does to me, baby."
"You-You want me to stay? Even after everything I've just told you?" His voice shook with a mixture of disbelief and relief.
Stroking his cheek with my thumb, I whispered, "You aren't going anywhere, Jake. You're staying here with me, where you belong."
Expelling a hard breath, Jake leaned forward and rested his forehead on mine; his large fingers curling possessively around my neck. "You're... Christ, you're fucking amazing, you know that?"
Running my hands soothingly up and down his forearm, I responded with a cheeky smile, "So, I've been told."
Releasing a throaty chuckle, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. If I didn't know any better, I'd have said he was breathing me in. "I ruined our date."
Shaking my head, I ran my thumb along his lower lip. "No, honey, you didn't. You did what you needed to do and I'm thankful for that. Now there's nothing stopping us from moving on." Together. I wanted to added, but I didn't know if that would've pushed him too far.
Gulping hard, he opened his eyes and gazed into the very depths of my soul. "Nothing," he murmured before inching closer and claiming my lips with his.
~UH~
The rest of the night passed uneventfully as we decided to break open a tub of my Ben and Jerrys ice cream and kick back with some Netflix. Granted, it wasn't how we'd intended on ending our night together, but it was just as perfect. After all, there was nothing better than falling asleep in Jake Black's arms. Nothing better at all...