Chapter 6
"Hey, do you want one?" Antonio offers me a cigarette.
"No. Contrary to the belief, I want to breathe a bit more before I die." I reply sassily.
Antonio laughs, not the genuine laugh I was hoping for, the forced and strained one.
"Okay Lovi"
"I don't understand why you smoke"
"It helps" he shrugs
"How does it help? All it does is fuck up your lungs" I state.
"It doesn't matter, we all die" Antonio says and my eyes widen, no not again.
"Nonna, why are you smoking?" I asked innocently.
"It helps me calm down"
"But nonno says that it harms you on the inside and you could die. And I don't want you to die"
"Don't worry about it, Lovino"
"Why not?" I ask
"Because it doesn't matter, we all die."
"Lovino, hey, what's wrong?" Antonio asks.
I come back to reality, "N-Nothing"
"It is something"
"Everyone has something's!" I snap, and suddenly realize that tears are streaming down my face. Antonio frowns and wipes my face.
"Why are you crying?"
"F-Fuck, what you said! It triggers a bad memory... which reminds m-me that its my f-f-f-fault" I continue to sob, "Get Feliciano, p-please"
"O-Okay" Antonio says and runs down the stairs to the cafeteria.
Why did that selfish bastard have to say that? Is everyone trying to make me remember? Remember that its all my fault? I breathe in and out, trying to control my sobs, but it doesn't seem to be working. Why isn't anything working? Oh God...
"Its not your fault." Nonna said and stroked my head.
"Y-Yes it is! I made you and n-nonno f-f-fight" I sob, my hands over my face.
"No Lovino, your nonna has problems and nonno doesn't seem to understand them"
"But why d-does he hate me?" I ask
"He... He just doesn't understand us. He expects everyone to be happy so he doesn't have to deal with conflict. Conflict is his worst enemy. Try to calm down, Lovino. 100-99-98-97=96-95-94" She starts counting down from 100.
"100-99-" I start counting down. I make it to 72 when Feliciano runs over to me.
"Lovi!" He shouts and then glares at Antonio. "What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything! I just said something and he freaked out."
"Well you have to watch what you say around him!" Feli shouts, and shockingly, to me, flips him off.
Feliciano helps me stand up, me still crying, and I hide my face in his shoulder.
"Next time," He glares at Antonio again, "Keep your mouth shut"