Chapter thirty: To accept the unacceptable

Jackie inhaled the sea air deeply. "You alright?" Jack asked for the one thousandth time. "We can go back."

"Jack, I assure you, I'm fine." she leaned into Jack's side, her body thoroughly enjoying the sun and the scent of the air. "Oh, it's so beautiful out here."

Jack nodded. "It is. This way, the patients can have some peace during their final years." Jackie spun around and glanced towards the lighthouse. "What?"

She exhaled and shook her head. "Sorry, just a feeling that somebody was…watching us."

Jack rubbed her hand. "It's just the island."

She shrugged. "I guess so." He led her carefully down some steps into a sort of ruins. She shook her head as he braced her. "Jack, you're so overprotective."

"Well, I really shouldn't have brought you out here."

"I'm fine," she assured him again. "if I weren't alright, I'd let you know."

"I doubt it." The seriousness in his tone caused her to pause momentarily. Had Owen suspected that she was dying and he'd told Jack? It would explain Jack's overprotectivness towards her at times.

She bit her lip and cupped his cheek in her hand. "I'm fine, I am Jack."

His eyes studied her and he hesitated, as if he wanted to say something before changing his mind. Jackie brought her hand down slowly as he guided her toward an electric panel in the brick wall and buzzed it three times in a row before the door opened. A middle-aged black woman opened the door.

"Well," she said with a smile. "who is this?"

"This, Helen, is my wife Jackie." Helen's brow rose curiously. "I decided that she needed to know about this portion of my life."

She nodded. "Especially since she's having your baby now?"

Jackie chuckled. "Yes. That's a reason." A woman, middle-aged with a scarred face walked slowly towards them. Jackie smiled softly at her as the woman paused and looked at her, her gaze riveted on her stomach. "Hello there."

"She can't speak." Helen said slowly. "Her name is Carrie. She's disfigured, as you can see and she's prone to fits of crying."

Jackie nodded sympathetically, remembering when she couldn't speak. Carrie shuffled towards Jackie, causing Jack to place a protective hand on her shoulder. Jackie's senses weren't as sharp as they were a while ago, but she felt that old familiar sense well up in her. Carrie wasn't a danger, she was severely depressed though.

Something caused her to step towards Carrie, who reached out and placed a hand on her stomach. The twins, kicked hard against Carrie's hand, causing her to cove her mouth before bursting into tears. Jackie reached out and gripped Carrie's hand. Suddenly, a strong sensation flowed through Jackie, one she hadn't felt since Jack had faced Abaddon. She rose slightly off the ground as white light broke over her and Carrie. Jackie closed her eyes, relaxing in the sensations flooding her, knowing that if she fought them it would be a lot harder on her body.

Suddenly, the sensations stopped and Jackie plopped to the ground on her knees. She exhaled and grabbed her head as Jack knelt beside her. "Oh, I haven't felt that in a while."

"And you won't feel that again." Jack said firmly. "Ever again! don't do that again!"

"Oh my God." Helen proclaimed loudly. "What did you do to her?"

Jackie looked wearily up to see Carrie's face was healed considerably; in fact, she was 20 years younger than she was moments ago! Carrie was touching her face in wonder. "What did-

That was all Carrie was able to say before she started crying. She turned to Jack who immediately snapped. "No!"

"But Jack-

"I said no!" he repeated firmly. "Not until the babies are born."

She didn't understand this. Her powers, permitted her to help these people. Jack had never stood in her way in the past when she wanted to help people. "But if I can help-

"I forbid it!" he shouted at her. "Is that understood?"

The blood slowly ran out of Jackie's face before she asked the one question that would change their relationship. "Owen told you what I suspected then, didn't he?"

Jack drew himself up slowly before saying. "Owen didn't tell me anything."

"He did, didn't he?" When Jack avoided her gaze, she stated what they both knew in their hearts to be true. "I'm dying Jack."

He shook his head as he hissed sharply. "You're not dying."

"Well, I don't intend to." She said quietly.

"Good. Then don't!"

She sighed and shook her head in despair. "It's out of my control Jack, you can't hold back the clocks."

"I'm not holding back any clocks." He insisted. "I want you safe."

"And I want to be with you." she said quietly. "You cannot write the story of my life Jack, nor can I. you must put the pen down and let the book write itself."

Another doorbell buzzing caused everyone to pause. Helen frowned. "I'll get it. Carrie, come with me, you need to rest." Carrie was able to nod between her sobs as Helen helped her down the corridor.

Jack picked her up. "Let's find you a wheelchair."

"I'm just tired."

"Then you'll have no objections to continuing the tour in a wheelchair then?" She nodded silently, not wanting to argue with Jack. She didn't have the power to restore her own weak body. She felt somewhat stronger now, probably because of the energy that had been flowing through her for the moment, but it was slowly fading. "How long have you known?" Jack asked quietly. "That…your body was weakening." She noted his careful use of the word 'weakening' as opposed to 'dying.' Jack wasn't ready to accept the truth.

"Gwen's wedding." She said softly. "I noticed when the nostrovite was able to break free from me. Then, I couldn't maneuver the steps and then my 'powers' seemed to deteriorate slowly along with my physical state soon after that." she bit her lip before asking. "How long have you known?"

"Since Owen examined you." he set her in a chair and knelt beside her. "He says if you rest up, stay calm, that you and the twins should pull through."

"I see." She toyed with his hand as she admitted softly. "I should have known that you'd know something was wrong. You even make love to me differently."

"Owen said to try to carry on with life as normally as possible. Only refrain from normal activities if it appears to drain your energy." Jack inhaled raggedly. "I promised you, that when we married that I would offer my life for you." tears built up in her eyes. "I'd give you my protection, allegiance, heart, soul and my body."

"And you have Jack." She assured him. "Multiple times."

"I promised that I'd lay down my life for you and that your life, happiness and welfare would be cherished and placed above my own for all times." He shook his head. "And now…I'm failing you with my own vows."

"Jack, you… have made me experience love with such a…passion that I'm still frightened of you at times. But…it's a wonderful fear; beautiful to me." Jackie inhaled so she could compose herself. "I swore, that I'd share and support your hopes, dreams and goals. And here were are, a few months away from our first wedding anniversary and I'm dying on you."

He shook his head. "You're not dying on me Jackie, I forbid it."

"That's sweet Jack. Forbid me to die and maybe I'll obey. But, we should be prepared," he began shaking his head. "just in case Jack something happens to me jack. We can't predict the future. Gwen could-

"No." he said firmly. "Those two are going to be all I'll have of you. If necessary, I'll leave Torchwood," she shook her head. "to raise them."

"Jack, you can't."

"I can, and I will." He stated passionately. "So don't you dare even think of dying on me, because then the world will have to survive without me for fourteen years or so! Do you want that on your conscience?"

"Of course I don't." She shook her head and smiled feebly at him. "I don't know why I thought I could hide anything from you, flyboy."

Jack smiled faintly as he looked up at her. "Flyboy? I haven't heard you call me that in a long time."

"Well then, flyboy, I shall have to do so more often." She leaned forward and gave him a light peck on the lips. "Come on, let's finish the tour."

He nodded and stood up and began pushing the wheelchair back to where they'd left Helen. "What are you doing to them?" At the sound of Gwen's voice, they both groaned.

Jackie shook her head at the sound of Gwen's voice. "What is she doing here?"

"I've no idea." Jack stated as he pushed her in the sound of Gwen's voice.

"What's going on here? Tell me!"

Jack pushed her around the corner. "I'll take it from here, Helen." Helen looked at the two of them in slight confusion while Gwen's eyes blazed. "It was Ianto, wasn't it?"

"No." Gwen snapped as she shook her head. "It's a common fact known to all of us that you can't hide things from Jackie long. I figured you'd tell her something sooner or later. Not to mention, she's also pregnant. You wouldn't take her out here off the base, to the middle of nowhere, unless you have something that you don't want us to know. I also played back some of the feed from where you guys were in the botanical room after you two returned."

Jackie glowered darkly at Gwen. "That was a personal conversation between Jack and I that didn't involve you."

"Well, you didn't black it out, so I figured rightly that you two were going to talk about what just happened. Turns out I was right." She placed a hand on her hip and demanded. "What are you doing?

"I can explain." Jack said patiently.

"No, no, no, no." Gwen began backing away from them as she jabbed a finger in their direction. "The two of you, stay away from me."

"It would be easier to do that," Jackie retorted. "if you'd stop following us around!"

"Gwen," Jack tried again. "let's go outside and talk."

"These are the people taken by the Rift." Gwen shouted. "What are they doing here? What have you done?"

"Oh, for God's sake," Jack shouted suddenly. "stop it! this isn't all about you, you know! your sister is in a wheelchair and you haven't even stopped to ask…if she's all right. Because she's not!" He snapped. "You're going to have to learn Gwen, to accept things as they are!"

Gwen's eyes flashed as she stared at him. Jackie reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Easy Jack, calm down."

He inhaled and repeated firmly. "Gwen, listen to me."

"He's here." Gwen's voice rose in excitement as she saw the room with Jonah's name written on a chalkboard. Given that the room was solid concrete and you needed a key card to get in, Jackie surmised he was one of the more dangerous patients. "He's been here all along."

"It's not that simple." Jack whispered raggedly.

"Open it." Gwen demanded.

"Gwen, before I open-

"Now!" she shouted furiously at him.

Jackie reached up and took his hand. "Go ahead. You've tried all you can, now it's up to her to learn a hard lesson in life. you tried." After squeezing her hand, Jack stepped towards the cell, eying Gwen carefully before using his swipe card to open Jonah's door. As Gwen entered the room, Jackie stated quietly. "It's a hard thing to accept isn't it?" He turned questioningly towards her. "To accept the fact that no matter how hard you fight, there is always a battle that you aren't destined to win. And the purpose for losing that battle…is hidden ahead of you in the years to come."

Jack was silent for a moment before saying. "But that doesn't mean we should give up in during that time."

"No. But during that time….we must accept the inevitable."

He glowered at her. "Don't you accept it too willingly. You've never accepted defeat once since I've known you so don't start now! Don't you dare surrender, before you've even begun to fight."

sandysan2013: Well, I guess she knows how her sister and her boss work, doesn't she?