A/N: A special thank you to Bladhaire for her input. Save some minor tweaks, the scene between Shepard and Chakwas is her work :D

Once more, if you haven't read her fanfics, especially Caduceus…you must read!

"Don't lie to me," Tali said as firmly as she was able, folding her arms as she regarded the older woman standing nearby. Samara's gray eyes fixed her with such intensity the quarian engineer could almost swear she felt them burning right through her.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, Tali thought. She had heard more than a few stories about asari Justicars since Samara had come aboard, and even beyond that, it remained that Samara was a very old and very powerful biotic. She could snap her fingers and bend Tali in half, if she wanted to.

Even so, the girl stood her ground. Shepard hadn't backed down in front of the Admiralty Board…or any other threat that confronted her. Tali wasn't going to back down either.

"It is not my habit to lie," Samara said evenly, cool and unflappable as always. "It is a practice I gave up centuries ago when I took my Oath to the Code."

"Omission is still a lie," Tali retorted. "Whatever happened with you and Shepard on Omega, it caused this. I've never seen Jie Jie like this before-"

"What happened on Omega is deeply personal…and painful," Samara replied, then lowered her gaze slightly, to Tali's shock. "However you are correct. What occurred there is the cause of her suffering."

"Then you need to fix it," Tali insisted. "I don't care if you tell me details or not…I don't need to know them."

When Samara said nothing, Tali huffed in frustration. "She's drunk!" she declared. "She hasn't left the ship in four days! She doesn't even really have duty right now to immerse herself in because we're in dry-dock. She just spends all her time drinking and wandering about and cleaning guns in the Armory. She won't talk to me, won't talk to anyone. Because Liara-"

"Your feelings do you justice," Samara interrupted, "and your wisdom has called to light my own failings. For that I thank you. I have been…blinded, the last few days. You are correct. While I cannot 'fix this' as you say, I can ease some of what is happening. To not do so would be the gravest of injustices. I will speak with the Commander and with the young asari doctor."

"Th-thank you, Samara," Tali nodded, relieved. "I just…they're my friends. I hate seeing them in so much pain."

"I understand," Samara replied. "I will go and speak with the Commander."

Kasumi had first noticed it two days before, when Shepard had gone wandering past down toward the cargo hold, a cigar limp in her mouth and her flask in hand. Like the others on board, she could feel the tension surrounding the commander like a small storm that both preceded and followed her wherever she went. Specifics were not known, but scuttlebutt said that something had happened between Shepard and Liara, some kind of argument. A few claimed Liara was so angry she had tossed Shepard out of her room with biotics.

No one actually asked Del specifics. The commander hated gossip as a rule to begin with, and her temper was legendary. Add into the mix that she had been drinking like a fish for days now, usually while sitting in the midst of a lot of weaponry, and no one dared even get close enough to ask. Except, of course, EDI…but according to Joker the AI had gotten nowhere with her inquiry save to verify what they already knew.

Liara was angry.

Sydney, Tali, and Kelly had all gone to Liara's room but she was answering the door for no one, not even acknowledging anyone enough to tell them to go away. Sydney had entertained the notion of hacking the door and forcing her way in, but wisely considered that it might only make a bad situation worse.

Then Kasumi had noticed it, and knew something had to be done.

'It' was Shepard's hand. When she'd gone past the thief as if she wasn't even there, Kasumi had seen the commander's right hand, hanging limp at her side. It was swollen so much the skin was almost shiny, the knuckles a mess of black and blue punctuated with a few reddened scabs where the flesh had actually split. It took no guessing to determine that Shepard had been hitting things again…things much harder than the bags in her gym.

Two days had now gone past and the hand looked no less angry, clear testament that Del had not bothered to go to Chakwas about it. Each time Kasumi saw it she had to wince…the thing probably hurt immensely, even with the numbing effect of all the booze Shepard was downing.

A plan had hatched in her mind and now, forty-eight hours after the first time she had seen it, she was putting that plan into effect.

Perched on a stool in the armory, Kasumi tipped the bottle over Shepard's glass once again. She had not pressed the woman for details as to Liara's anger or her emotional state. Instead she kept the talk light…and kept the booze coming.

She was mostly talking at the commander rather than to her. Shepard had initially engaged simply by grunting or nodding on occasion but as her inebriation grew even those feeble gestures halted. Now she simply stared at her glass until the thief refilled it, then downed another dose before planting it back in its spot and staring at it again.

When Shepard started to weave a bit on her stool, the bottle of whiskey all but empty, Kasumi rose. She took hold of Del's good hand and drew her up to her feet. Lethargic, drunk, the woman allowed herself to be lead with little resistance.

"Where we going?" she mumbled as she shuffled along behind the thief obediently.

"Just for a walk, Shep," Kasumi told her, and lead her directly to the infirmary.

Chakwas was standing at the main medical console along with two engineers, discussing the medi-bay upgrades that had just been implemented. At the sound of the door she turned her head and straightened, then immediately waved for the engineers to leave as she caught sight of Shepard.

Walking over as the men stepped out, leaving the trio alone, Chakwas asked, "What's wrong?"

Kasumi wordlessly took hold of Shepard's right wrist, lifting it to display the wounded hand. Helen nodded, then looked at Kasumi.

"How much?" she asked.

"Nearly a full bottle of whiskey, and that's what I brought her. She was already down three glasses at least before I showed up with it."

"Understood. Thank you for bringing her. I'll take care of it."

Kasumi gave Shepard's arm an affectionate squeeze and pat, before she slipped out of the room. Gently but firmly taking the Commander's elbow, Helen guided her over to sit on one of the bio-beds.

She didn't need a medical scanner to tell her Shepard's hand had been re-broken for at least a day, the bruising and swelling spoke to that. Running the scanner over the hand anyway to see what she had to fix this time the doctor surreptitiously observed the woman sitting slumped before her.

Dark smudges marred the skin underneath Shepard's eyes, which were bloodshot, and the smell of alcohol was unmistakable. Marines being the terrible gossips they were, Chakwas, as much as Kasumi, knew that something had happened between Del and Liara, and she could take an educated guess as to what it was.

"No lecture?" Shepard's words were slightly slurred but the disinterest was plain in her voice - she simply didn't care.

Setting the scanner aside - after ruefully noting that the Commander had re-broken all her recent fractures and added a couple of new ones to the tally - Chakwas leant back against the adjacent bio-bed and crossed her arms. "At this point in time I fail to see what difference it could possibly make."

Shepard grunted noncommittally and half shrugged. "What's done is done."

"Why didn't you come and see me immediately after you re-broke your hand? It must be causing you a fair amount of pain."

Shepard's gaze remained fixed to the far wall. "Because it's real."

Frowning slightly before it dawned on her what Shepard meant, Chakwas felt her heart go out to the woman. "Emotional pain is real pain too, Commander, though clearly you do not handle that as well as you do physical pain."

Turning to look at Chakwas for the first time since Kasumi had lead her into the med bay Shepard fixed the doctor with flat stare. Undeterred, Chakwas stared right back, refusing to allow Del to silence her.

"Am I wrong?"

Sighing, Shepard broke the gaze and dropped her eyes. "I... don't know what to do."

"Would I be correct in guessing this has something to do with Grunt and Samara?" Chakwas held her hands up as Shepard glanced over, her demeanour closing off. "I'm not going to pry for details."

A brief nod and Shepard turned away again.

"You filled Doctor T'Soni in on the particulars."

Another nod."I've never hidden anything from her in the past... the beacons made that impossible to start with any way. But she knew I was doing it, she could sense that I was blocking something from her. She was concerned... and I knew she'd find out eventually. I figured better me and now than someone else and later. I told her what I was hiding. I've made her mad before but nothing like this."

Chakwas began to move around the room, collecting the supplies she would need to repair Shepard's hand. The nanites could take care of the simple fractures but there were several bones that needed realigning and quite a number of bone chips to remove. In light of Shepard's inebriation, she selected sedatives in particular that would not intermingle with the alcohol in her blood and make a bad situation worse.

"I have no wish to intrude upon your personal life, Commander, however you have obviously been quite deeply affected by what has occurred. It would be tantamount to a dereliction of duty on my part if I ignored it."

"I'll be fine."

Pausing a moment Chakwas walked over to Shepard and rested a hand on the woman's shoulder. "You are an exemplary marine, easily the best I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, serving under, and patching up. Your dedication to your crew cannot be faulted either. But things have changed since all this started. You're not alone anymore, and I think that scares you more than any threat you have ever faced."

"I'm not... " Shepard's protest was automatic, a defence mechanism so ingrained from childhood that it was practically instinctive. This time, however, she realised the truth in what Chakwas had said.

Fuck me. I am scared.

Shepard had been in a couple of relationships before but never anything like this. What she had with Liara just felt so natural, so right, as though they were meant to be together. Liara was everything and she couldn't imagine facing what was coming without her.

Giving the Commander's shoulder a gentle squeeze Chakwas returned to gathering the last few items she needed.

"I have seen how much Doctor T'Soni means to you, Commander, and how much you mean to her. It is rare for a couple to be granted a second chance in the way the two of you have been. I know you well enough to understand that you would do anything to help a friend or a member of your crew, regardless of the risk to yourself. You have built your career on that willingness and tested your skill and luck more times than I can count. You have every right to act as you see fit, of course, but those choices and their outcomes don't just affect you anymore. Just as you want Doctor T'Soni to be safe, she wants you to be safe as well."

"I know."

Silence fell for a few minutes as Chakwas prepared several syringes for the procedure. As the doctor turned, ready to begin the surgery, she caught Shepard swiping roughly at her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Ready Commander?"

Inclining her head slightly Shepard swung her feet up on to the bio-bed and lay down as Chakwas wheeled her cart of medical supplies over.

"I'm sorry things have turned out the way they have, Shepard. I truly hope you and Doctor T'Soni can sort things out."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Alright, here we go."

The sedative quickly took hold, Shepard's eyes blinking closed. As they shut for the final time a single tear traced down the side of her face. Gently brushing it away Chakwas sighed.

"Don't lose her, Commander. The galaxy will be the poorer for it."

Samara first attempted to seek Shepard out, only to find she was in the infirmary and still sedated from a minor surgery on her hand. Departing the Normandy for the first time since Omega, the justicar ventured out into the station to find Dr. T'Soni instead.

As with everyone who had come before, Samara's chime at the door went unanswered. Undaunted, the justicar activated her omni-tool and hacked directly in to the communications console within. "Dr. T'Soni, this is Samara," she said. "I am at your door and would like to speak with you."

Silence reigned for a long moment, before the door silently slid open. Switching off her omni-tool the older asari stepped within the room.

YYY

Despite the situation which had landed Shepard in the lap of an Ardat-Yakshi, Liara had made no move to communicate to or confront Samara regarding events. Her reasons for holding her tongue were many.

Liara had gained quite a bit of confidence over the last few years, since finding herself trapped in that Prothean bubble and becoming part of the crew of the Normandy. The two years following Shepard's death had been paramount in Liara truly finding her own feet, her own will and strength.

Even so, that core of innocence and timidity that was so endearing in her had never been completely banished, and probably never would be.

Asari grew up on stories and legends of the Justicars, and Liara was no exception. Someone such as Samara would have intimidated even the highest and oldest of Matriarchs…for Liara to overcome that intimidation enough to confront her was impossible. Add into that the fact the woman had been forced to kill her own child, a pain which Liara wished never to experience and would never desire even for her worst enemy, and her silence was most definitely assured. Samara had endured enough without some young, inexperienced asari casting accusations and vitriol.

Finally, in truth, Liara did not really hold Samara to any blame. Her anger was focused solely on Shepard.

Refusing the Justicar entrance would have been the height of bad manners, tantamount to spitting upon one of the Priestesses of the Temple. As composed and collected as she was able to be, she allowed the older asari entrance, bowing her head slightly in respect as Samara stepped in.

"You honor me, Justicar," she murmured.

"The honor is mine," Samara replied.

"What may I do for you?"

"You may forgive me," Samara stated simply. "I have been taken by darkness these last few days, my heart lost in mourning. It has caused you and your chosen mate avoidable pain. I am sorry for this."

"You are not the cause of my pain," Liara told her, lifting her gaze a little, before she stepped back a pace and gestured at a service. "May I offer you a drink?"

"No, only a listening ear," Samara replied. "I do not need to tell you the nature of your Commander. I cannot express my gratitude enough for what she helped me to do."

"I am…I am sorry, Mistress," Liara met her eyes. "I am sorry for your pain, for your daughter-"

"My daughters," Samara replied bluntly. "I have three, and all are Ardat-Yakshi."

Liara lowered herself slowly into a sit. It was a nightmare any pureblood asari faced, especially were they to Join with another pureblood. Ardat-Yakshi…so extremely rare but so absolute and terrifying. It was horrible enough the woman had to learn of the condition in one of her daughters, to pursue her endlessly to put an end to the madness when the girl gave in to her blood compulsion…but three?

"My other two daughters chose the path of restraint," Samara continued. "They reside at the monastery. Morinth was always the most stubborn and headstrong. She could not accept the injustice thrust upon her and so she made a different choice…and left me no other than to stop her. I pursued her for centuries. I…cannot tell you how many of her empty victims I have been faced with over this time."

"I could not imagine being faced with such a choice," Liara said quietly. "What you must have gone through…I can understand wanting to put an end to the madness, to the loss of life in such a horrible way, even if the wielder of death is your own daughter."

She lifted her chin, steeling her courage. "As I said, I do not blame you for what was done. You had to take the opportunity granted you to end it. You had your own path and you used all the tools at your disposal, even Shepard. I understand why you asked her for her aide. In your position, I would have done the same."

"Yet you blame her for accepting my plea," Samara stated.

"Yes," Liara replied. "The danger to her was far too great, even if she knew what it was she was facing…"

As her blue eyes turned faintly questioning, Samara nodded slightly. "I informed her. She knew before we departed what Morinth was capable of."

"Then it makes her actions even more infuriating," Liara breathed. "To know what the viper's venom will inflict but to prod at it bare-handed anyway-"

"…and in doing so she prevented immeasurable suffering to others," Samara told her.

"As is always the case," Liara sighed wearily.

"Shepard is a rare thing in this galaxy. She is selfless."

"I am not strong enough to take her selflessness," Liara confessed sadly. "Not any more. We are not even bondmates and I feel as a widow already."

Samara moved over for the first time and sat down beside the much younger asari. "I came to offer my apologies, and my gratitude," she said kindly. "I have only one more thing to offer…my advice. But it is up to you whether or not you accept it."

"I know what you would say," Liara looked downward at her hands clasped upon her knees. "That she would not be the woman I love if she did not charge into the fore to protect innocents. That she is a soldier, and will be in dangers great and small for the rest of her life. That I cannot truly protect her any more than she can truly protect me, and that I must treasure what time I have with her rather than spend it in a futile bid to change the very things about her that I adore the most. I have heard it before, from myself as well as from others. Yet it does not change this pain I have inside. This…knowing…that yes, while she is running into the fire she is thinking of others…but not of me."

"It is true," Samara replied, meeting Liara's eyes as the other asari looked at her. "When she is running into the fire, when she is flinging herself upon the blade…she is thinking of others. When she comes back from doing so against impossible odds, that is when she is thinking of you."

Liara lowered her head again, closing her eyes as she felt tears heat her gaze. "I am not strong enough," she whispered again.

"You are stronger than you know," Samara said confidently. "Shepard did not fight Saren, she did not conquer Ilos, did not save the Citadel on her own. When she leapt from a MAKO to fight a thresher maw…she did not leap alone."

"How do you know this?" Liara asked. Samara's smile was faint but genuine.

"That is one of Grunt's favorite stories," she replied. "I believe he heard it from Joker."

"Of course he did."

"Her strength can move mountains," Samara agreed, "But yours can shift seas. Do not doubt yourself in this. If this is love, then it is worth fighting for. If it is not, then it is not love, and you know your decision."

The cast was an annoyance.

Shepard barely remembered Kasumi taking her to the infirmary, talking with Dr. Chakwas. More clear was the thick, dull hangover she had when she woke up on the bio-bed a full day later, the final farewell of both sedatives and alcohol.

Because of the more extensive damage thanks to repeated re-breaks…or perhaps a babysitting measure to ensure she did not do something so foolish yet again before it truly had time to heal...Chakwas had put a full glove cast on Shepard's right hand.

Thin as it was, it was made of inflexible material, preventing her from any attempt at curling her fingers or making a fist, keeping each digit stiff and rigid. Shepard could feel her fingertips pressing against the inside of the hard plastic and wire mesh as she approached the door, her right hand unconsciously attempting to clench as her left was.

Crossing the dock and moving into the complex had been a mission in and of itself. It seemed every eye was upon her as she walked. She even caught sight of Sydney and Deirdre at the end of one corridor, both women wordlessly trailing her with their eyes as she strode past.

Now, here she stood in front of the door, one hand clenched, the other desperately attempting to do the same as she stared at a spot on the steel and tried to breathe evenly.

Closing her eyes a moment, she forced herself to reach out and hit the call.

An eternity passed in just a few seconds, and the door slid open. Shepard strode in, almost unconsciously straightening, tucking her hands behind her back as if she were in the room with a superior officer.

Liara looked just as straight-backed, her eyes and expression as unreadable as any drill master. For a moment, neither spoke, before Del cleared her throat.

"You wished to speak with me?"

"Yes," Liara replied. "There is…there is much we need to discuss."

"I'm sorry," Shepard blurted almost without thinking. Her jaw tightened and she looked downward, brown eyes fixed to a point on the floor.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, a little softer. "I never meant to upset you, to hurt you. I'm stubborn, unthinking…just a goddamn meat-head-"

"Del, stop," Liara murmured as she moved over. Lightly she touched the human woman's chin, urging her to look upward again. The touch wanted to linger, but it flitted away again almost self-consciously. Liara's sigh was a soft and weary flutter of breath.

"I do not know how to do this," the asari confessed. "I do not know how to be strong enough for this. To watch you run away from me time and time again, flinging yourself at death while I sit in a dark room and wonder if you'll come back to me."

"I promised I would-"

"You cannot control the universe!" Liara said with more fury than she intended. "It is not in your hands, Del! All the promises in the galaxy will not return you to life if you are killed…not again. So, I must decide. I must decide if what we have is worth all the pain, all the fear and loneliness and worry."

Her eyes welled, the blue shimmering under a sudden veil of tears. Del felt her own eyes heating helplessly in response, and struggled them back.

"I have to decide," Liara said more quietly than before, the damp in her eyes breaking free of her lashes to almost lovingly touch her cheeks, "if I want to even try to be strong enough anymore."

"Li," Shepard urged softly, her voice thick, her brows knit. "Li, it's worth it…it is…it has to be…"

Liara looked away, increasing the distance between them by a pace or two as she lifted a hand and wiped at her cheeks. Shepard could feel herself trembling, struggling with every molecule not to stride forward, not to gather her in her arms and promise she'd never leave again.

"After you confessed about Morinth," Liara began, her voice so low that Del had to fight to hear her. "After I…I asked you to leave, do you know what I kept thinking?"

Unable to speak, Shepard could only shake her head slightly. Liara looked at her.

"I kept thinking that I would have been better off if I had never met you."

Shepard did not dare to move, not even to blink. Her sight had grown blurry, her dark eyes aqueous and distant.

"I was wrong," Liara continued. "Even in my pain and anger, I look back on what would have been had you not come into my life. I ponder that Liara, and I want to weep…I want to break down at the thought of the joy she would never have known."

Stepping back over, she lifted her hands, her palms gently cupping the human's face as Shepard lifted her damp eyes to meet hers. An unwilling tear spilled past the dark lashes, and Liara swept it away with her thumb.

"I have to decide," Liara whispered. "Is that joy worth that pain? You are who you are, as am I…two halves of the same whole. I have spent these days searching for an answer I already had. I cannot lose you, and so I must be strong enough. There is no other option."

Shepard searched her eyes a moment, then gathered the asari into her arms, gripping her tightly. Liara's return embrace was no less firm, and she could feel the human woman trembling slightly as she buried her face in Liara's neck.

"I love you, Liara."

The words were half-muffled but unmistakable, delivered with rough conviction. Her fingers gripping Shepard's hair as she clung to her, Liara could feel a slight jolt of shock pass through her body, momentarily stealing her breath. Though the melds left no doubt of it, though Nan and others had repeatedly assured her of it, Shepard had never before actually spoken the words.

Liara's fingers tightened more, both in hair and in the back of Del's shirt, her own voice little more than a breathless gasp punctuated by the rush of her heart.

"I love you too."

"I tell you, my boys do good work," Sydney declared, hands planted on her hips as she looked upward at the gleaming Normandy. Just over a solid week of nearly round the clock effort had more than paid off. New shielding, plating, upgraded medical bay and a prototype main gun that could put a hole in a goddamn world. Grinning over at Del she announced, "When you're done with your little errand with the Collectors I may just goddamn steal her from you, Delilah."

"I already have Jack threatening that, thank you very much, Sydney. I'll tell you what I told her."

"What's that?"

"Over your cold, dead body."

Sydney chuckled, shaking her head as she looked over at the brunette. It had been one hell of a rough week on her friend, she knew. However the reconciliation had likely been spectacular, a conclusion only reinforced by the fact that Del and Li had not left the asari's room for the last two days. A lot of that was doubtlessly talking but the blonde had hardly come down with the last drop of rain. Talking was most certainly not the only thing going on.

"How'd Liara like the tattoos?" she asked. Del smirked at her.

"She loves the phoenix," she replied as they stepped out from under the Normandy's nose, heading across the bay. "She can't stop touching it. The holographic effect fascinates her. She asked what kind of bird it was so I had to explain it, and that led into an hour long conversation about various aspects of Earth mythology. Greek, Roman, Viking, Japanese, Native American…I think she bought six books on the extranet about various human myths. I seem to have opened a flood-gate on the subject."

"She is an archaeologist you know. Old cultures naturally fascinate her."

"So do shiny tattoos, it seems," Shepard teased.

"So she liked the phoenix," Sydney hedged. "What about the other one?"

Shepard gave a faint, lopsided grin as she idly rubbed her left wrist. "I think it's safe to say she liked it as well."

"You're only guessing?" Sydney asked with a wink.

"Oh…no. She…uh…made her approval quite clear."

The blonde chuckled. Honestly, for how big, involved, and metaphorically apropos the back tattoo was, it was the one on Del's left wrist that truly held the most meaning.

As holographic as the phoenix, the design on her wrist was simple. A pair of Chinese characters floated serenely just beneath her skin, the written form of the word Tianlán. Just below them were two tiny blue roses, identical to the ones painted on the flank of her guitar.

"Good. Honestly, Shepard, I'd never have pegged you for a romantic. You've changed a lot in the past couple of years. It's good to see, and I'm glad you two worked things out."

"You'll…" Shepard slowed to a halt, regarding her friend seriously. "You'll get her back to Hagalaz safely?"

"Of course! Deeds and I will be taking her ourselves tomorrow afternoon. Honestly I'm surprised that you're not taking her on the Normandy on your way out."

Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "I've got an old distress beacon I have to go and check out on Aeia. Its ten years old and just now turning over, but there might be survivors and apparently Jacob's old man might be among them. It's in the opposite direction."

"Right back to the rescue," Sydney shook her head. "Never ends, does it?"

"Don't seem too," Del agreed, then made a helpless gesture, looking off across the floor as if she could see Liara through the walls. "I did tell her that we discovered the Collectors are repurposed Protheans. Forwarded her all of what EDI was able to glean. You should have seen the look on her face…it was like a kid at Christmas. I think having that to work on kind of smoothed things down a bit more but…I just can't help but feel like the biggest shit in the universe. Everything that's happened this week, and I'm still doing it all over again. Just…turning around and leaving her behind."

"So go make your good-bye count," Syd urged, momentarily gripping her shoulder. "Then start marking down the days until you've turned the Collectors into a smear under your boot, and can come home to her again. For good."