AN: Sorry so short but the next one will be up shortly.

Chapter Seventeen – Day Two Hundred Ninety Six

The summer seemed to pass by quickly, and Sesshoumaru found himself in a situation he never had before. He was completely and utterly content. For the first time in his life, he knew envy. How could creatures as weak as humans, with such short lives spent laboring in fields, know such bliss? Before he became human, he had never experienced a single day that was pleasant simply because another creature was near. He found himself, to his utter astonishment, finding the idea of never returning to his youkai self more and more appealing with each passing day spent with Takana. After all, what a life this was to lead. There was no intrigue, no dark plots, no worrying about the lives of thousands who had pledged themselves to him, willingly and unwillingly. He was free to enjoy a sunny day without worrying about a single treaty or border dispute. He wasn't constantly badgered by coy, vacuous females and scheming, power hungry males. Remaining human would be a short life for sure but what a pleasant life it would be. He'd never known such a thing existed, even when he was a child, life had been constantly demanding. He'd been given so much to learn, the future of a country had been placed on his shoulders before he'd been ready and he'd nearly lost it. If it hadn't been for a select few that had been undyingly loyal to his father...well, safe enough to say, the Western Lands, along with him, would not have survived.

There had been so many assassination attempts back then and that was what had hardened him most of all. He had never been a warm creature, but the final and seemingly impenetrable outer layer of his ice-like demeanor and personality had been put in place the day someone he thought he could trust had literally stabbed him in the back. He'd been unable to even stand, let alone walk for several weeks. That time spent on his back, in near constant pain had polished to perfection the hardened youkai that had walked these lands just over a year ago. It was the defining moment of his life and it had been then that he shut all emotion off. It had been then that he didn't allow even those he trusted most to get anywhere near him. It had been that act of treason, of betrayal that made him push people away and why, even in the act of rutting, that he kept his partners emotionally distant. This was the reason he kept his secret from the human whose company had chased away his desires for no one but her, however; at least once a day, he found himself dreading the quickly fading summer. Each day that passed brought the fall season that much closer to the day that he would have to reveal all to her.

His brow scrunched together. Though he was normally a creature of decisiveness, this was one matter on which he'd been unable to come to a decision upon. Though it would be best to leave her here for a short time if he reverted back, in order to accommodate a human's presence in his fortress since not a single human had stepped foot within its walls since Rin died, it was not something he found agreeable. It was not that he couldn't go without her presence for a short time, but it was her proximity to her old village that bothered him. He'd made a calculating decision that day in the forest. He'd known then, that even against six untrained humans, he had a good chance of defeating them, but if he had, an entire village may come looking for revenge. While six was not an inconceivable win, an entire village, untrained or not, would be a different story entirely. So he decided to stay the wrath of many while letting a few, still dangerous men flee. He had no doubts that they hadn't seen the last of them and next time they met, they would probably be better equipped in both numbers and weaponry. If he left her here alone, he left open the possibility of her being harmed or even killed by those men. He was torn. Though he would not leave her for long, any amount of time seemed too much. Unfortunately, taking her with him immediately seemed just as poor a choice. There would be too many unknowns that he'd be returning home to for his comfort and her safety. Though he was fairly confident that a year's time was not enough for another to try and take what was his, his confidence was not a sure thing. He could very well return to the beginnings of a civil war, and then she'd be in worse danger there than if he left her here alone. While his indecisiveness was understandable, he still berated himself for not managing to come up with a better plan, but for now at least he did have some time to think it over more thoroughly.

He'd decided long ago that his feelings for the human were not likely to change. Though his body was different from his previous self, his impulses, desires and logical thought processes were all still as they had been. He saw no reason why going back to the old him would interfere with the devotion he felt towards this human. Besides, even if he no longer felt the attraction for her that he did now, it would not change the fact that he would forever be in her debt for saving his life. There would be no changing that little fact, human or youkai. Each day that passed, he regretted not being able to tell her the truth. Each moment of contentment he spent with her was unavoidably tainted by his knowledge that it would not last. He knew, deep down, that he would be youkai again someday soon and when he thought of telling her, of revealing his true self, his youkai self, he cringed.

Would she hate him? Most probably. Would she be able to forgive him? He had no idea but hoped with all of his being that it could possibly happen.