Chapter 12
Warning: This chapter may be triggering to some, read at your own risk.
"What are you talking about? You can't l-l-love me!" Lovino shouts at me after my little declaration.
"Why can't I?"
"B-Because! I'm not ready! I can't.." Lovino trails off. Maybe I shouldn't have told him so soon. What was I thinking? I knew Lovino wasn't ready for love but I just pushed it on him anyway! My father is right.. I really am a selfish bastard. I ruined the first real friendship I had.
"Should I go?" I ask quietly, feeling remorse.
"Maybe" he says and I'm not even shocked to hear it. I knew this would happen.
"Okay." I say and put on my jacket and shoes, "Adios."
Before I walk out, I feel a tugging at my sleeve and turn around to see Lovino looking at the ground again, a blush on his cheeks. "Bastard, you really thought I would let you go back?"
"I have to at some point, unfortunately." I sigh, slight panic rising up in me thinking about the outcome of me leaving. But why would they care? No one does. My arm starts stinging like crazy but I hold back from scratching because Lovino would know something is up.
"Can I use the bathroom?"
Lovino looks at me questioningly before muttering a quiet 'yes.' I walk out of his bedroom and down the hall, into the bathroom. On instinct, I start looking through his cabinets and drawers. I do this every time I'm in a bathroom.
Finally, I find a razor. I sigh and roll up my sleeves, scanning my arm for a clean space. Once I find it, I quickly push down the razor and drag it along. Wincing, I pull away, watching the blood begin to ooze out. I repeat the action a few times until I begin to feel calm. I wash off my arm and put on a bandage. I don't want blood on my shirt, Lovino would really know something was wrong. He can't know. I also clean off the sink, just in case. When I am finally done, I look at my arm again and frown; I never thought I would do this.
"Oi, you done in there?" Lovi knocks on the door. I look in the mirror and smile. Yes, I'm great.
"Yeah." I tell Lovino and walk out of the bathroom. Is it just me, or is Lovino acting stranger and stranger around me? Always blushing. It is the cutest thing! Aww!
"Do you want some food?" He asks.
"Oh my, you can cook?" I shout excitedly.
"Yeah bastard, I can. Now what do you want?" He snaps, looking annoyed. I really wonder why he does that.
"Anything."
"Fine. I'll make pizza."
As Lovino walks off to the kitchen, I can't help but think about my family. We were always so happy, what happened? When I first turned about seven, they kept telling me about how they like my brother so much more and that I should be a 'good boy' and stay in my room, and miss dinner. That action happened for a while, until I got older and made me do so much more.
"Dinner is ready!" Lovino said after about a half hour.
"Yay!" I cheer and sit down next to him at the table.
"Why aren't you eating?" he asks, concern in his voice.
"I guess I should just tell you. I really never had dinner before. Well, I had but maybe once or twice but never with another person. It feels.. nice." I say, blushing. Lovino must think that's real messed up.
"Then you'll eat here from now own." He states bluntly.
"W-What?"
"It's fine. But you'll have to deal with my brother and his annoying ass bastard of a boyfriend."
"B-But.." I continue to stutter.
"Don't you just want to be alone together?"