Chapter 16

Warning: mentions of abuse.

Antonio took in a deep breath, hands shaking slightly. I copied his actions because I was insanely nervous of what he was going to share with me.

"I guess I should start from the beginning, but can we get out of the bathroom first?"

"Sure.." I mumble and we go into my room. Antonio sits on the bed and I lay next to him.

"I live with my father and my brother. I'm not sure where my mother went, she has been missing for awhile. When I was younger, around 6, they stopped paying attention to me. They put all their focus into my brother. He was seen as the 'good' one. They made me skip dinner and stay in my room. The only time I was allowed to come out is school. I started to feel very lonely and it was a bad time for me." Antonio takes a breath, "During elementary school I got bullied. Probably because I didn't know English very well. It was constant, constant and it never went away because before I knew it, it was happening at home. In middle school, my parents made me do everything. And I mean everything. Chores, laundry, cleaning, and making the meals. If I didn't do something correctly, my father would take out his belt, and whip me a good 20 times. My brother would just watch silently, and occasionally snicker. If you're wondering, his name is Ecuardo. He was put under the influence that I am bad by my parents, so he sided with them. This continued to go on and over time I grew very depressed. I guess the school noticed it and they called my parents. With that happening I was given pills and my parents believed that it was even more fucked up." Antonio scratches at his arm.

I was getting sad by that point. "You don't have to tell me the rest."

"No, I do." he says and continues, "Finally in high school I gained 2 friends. Gilbert and Francis. We bonded very quickly and we've stuck together for these 3 years. Unfortunately, I had complications with them too. I still do. During my second year of high school I've came to the conclusion that I was gay. This might seem stupid but I thought that my parents couldn't hate me anymore than they do already so why not tell them? Everything got worse. The beatings got worse. Life got worse." A tear goes down Antonio's face and my heart winces.

"I just fuck everything up." He continues to cry and I sit up and hug him. The phrase, 'don't judge a book by it's cover' really clicks to me at this very moment. When I first met Antonio, I thought that he was an over-cheery bastard, he sort of was but that's not the point. He put up this act just so no one would approach him. I've never met someone so... broken.

"Please stop c-crying." I whisper to Antonio, "I'll tell you my..story"

"No Lovi, you don't have to."

"I do.. I have to get over this fear sometime already" I chuckle nervously.

"Remember Lovino, you have to open up to people when you have problems."

I looked at my nonna like she had 6 heads. "Why? They just leave you in the end."

"Tsk Tsk, but when you finally find the person who won't leave, you have to. Because then, you might end up losing them."

"Are you sure?" Antonio asks.

"Y-Yes." I stutter, "When I was younger, I lived with my mother and father in Italy. After my mom gave birth to Feliciano, she died and I was affected by it greatly because she was one of the two people that actually cared for me. My dad then left but I didn't care cause he didn't like me anyway. My nonna and nonno took Feliciano and I in and took care of us. I eventually grew attached to my nonna because she understood my problems. She... she helped me so fucking much you don't even know. She was depressed herself so she knew what I was going through. My nonno took more of a liking to Feliciano because he was always happy. He got annoyed with me a lot and made me feel worthless, which made my nonna confront him. They started arguing more often and it was all my fault. My nonna said it wasn't but I knew it was. Remember that day I flipped out at you?" Antonio nods when I ask that. "Well, my nonna used to smoke a lot and she always said 'it doesn't matter, we all die.' I really wanted her to be happy. I wanted both of us to be happy. But then one day, nonno went out with Feli and told me to watch nonna. I went upstairs and..." I trail off, and begin to cry.

"S-She s-s-s-shot herself." I sob into Antonio's shoulder.

"Shhh" he rocks me back and forth in his arms.

"I should've got there in time.."

"It wasn't your fault. She made that decision for her own. If anything it was your grandfather's fault because he just left the house with your brother."

"Maybe" I mumble, "I sometimes have flashbacks when someone says something triggering or if I see something that reminds me of her. Wow that sounds so fucked up."

"We're all a bit fucked up" Antonio says, and I keep my head in his shoulder. For the first time in a long time, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. It felt good to finally tell someone.

And I knew nonna would've been proud.