Chapter 5

His Heart

October 9, 1996

"Just tell him I'm sick or something," I told Hermione. She gave me a look of disapproval; as I informed her that I was flat out refuse to go to Defense Against the Dark Arts today. "Please," I pleaded.

Though she gave me about a thousand good reasons way I should not skip class, she finally agreed and left me alone in the common room. I knew that I would have to face him sooner or later, but I was choosing later.

I could not just go sit in his classroom and act like was fine after what he said to me. I hated myself for showing him how weak I was. After I left his detention I went over and over things I my head, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I decided that it was not me; it was him.

I wondered what Professor Snape would do when I didn't show up for class. He would probably be happy I wasn't there or as close to happy as Professor Snape was capable of. I could just imagine him standing there triumphantly with his gross greasy hair and horrible malevolence smile, revealing his yellowed teeth. He was disgusting and not just on the outside.

As I thought back I couldn't even believe that I ever wanted him as a family. How could I have been so stupid? It was clear to me now that Professor Snape could never be my family, because he was completely mean, heartless and so incapable of love. I hated him.

Damn it, Damn it, Damn it, I thought as I stood stuck in a trick stair. Honestly, all I wanted to do was go down to dinner, but nothing can be easy at Hogwarts. I got out my wand hastily.

"Rendio," I said confidently, pointing my wand at the step. Nothing happened. I tried yanking my foot out, knowing full well that the stair was as solid as ever. "Tredium," I tried again, nothing. "Lendium, ferdio, Sendus," I brandished my wand feverously, but I might as well have been waving a common twig with all the good it was doing me. Again I tried pulling my foot out. "What is your problem?" I yelled angrily at the step.

"Shouting at it is not going to get you out," said a jeering voice behind me. I didn't turn around to look at him, nor do I think my wooden capture would have allowed it. I didn't want to see his smirk as he looked down at my helplessness.

"I've tried vanishing it, and transfiguring it every way I know how," I said bitterly, chewing on my tough. "There must be something I'm missing," I wrenching my leg up, I was still ensnared by the stupid step.

I felt a swish of cloak as Professor Snape move in front of me, skipping over the trick stair. I looked down at my trapped foot. "You are not ill," he said soberly.

"I am," I said still refusing to look at him.

"Liar," he hissed at me.

And I finally looked up, glaring at him, taking care to throw him the most sinister look I could muster. "How would you know, you can't use legilimency against me?" My words came out sharp and cold, I didn't sound like myself.

"Manners," He said mutinously in response to my insolence. "May I remind you, that I am a teacher."

"Forgive me," I said with the same ruthless tone. "How would you know, Professor?"

"Your mind may be closed, but you are as easy to read as a book," he spat. Silence fell as we exchanged looks of contempt. Finally he said. "That step," he gestured at my trapped foot, "cannot be undone by magic."

"Excuse me?" I said indignantly.

"There are no magical means of getting you out from there." The professor said this straight facedly, but I could tell that he was enjoying himself immensely. He waited. I knew he wanted me to ask for his help, like I would give him the satisfaction.

"Of course there isn't," I said pertinently. "Professor, did the Hogwarts founders just sit together thinking of interesting ways to annoy students?"

"I think," said Professor Snape after a moment, "the point of this," he gestured to the step, "is to make students help each other."

You got to be kidding me."So you're saying that the only way for me to get free from this stupid stair, is to ask for help?" I wanted to travel back in time, because someone seriously needed to be hexed.

"Correct," He said with an evil sneer.

"Oh," I said glancing behind me to see if anyone else was coming, nobody was.

Professor Snape just stood there, drumming his fingers on the banister. I crossed my arms stubbornly. "Well, you could ask," he said after a minute or two.

I looked behind me again to make sure I had no other choice. "Will you help me," I asked brusquely.

"Nicely," he hissed. I squinted at him. He waited. I crossed my arms even tighter across my chest. "So be it then," he sneered and began to walk off.

I took a deep breath, "Wait." He stopped in his tracks. With his back still turned to me I said, "will you help me…please, Professor?" Wordlessly he turned on the spot and held out his arm to me, and sure enough as soon as I accepted it, I felt the wood around my ankle loosen its hold. The professor pulled me out. "Thank you," I said curtly and started to leave.

"With that attitude, people will assume that you do not want to be here," Professor Snape said coldly.

I spun around, "They'd be right," I said viciously. "I don't want to be here. I want to be at home with my parents and sister." My voice began to weaken. My gaze fell to the floor as I continued. "Maybe I should just leave and then at least you would be happy." I left.

"…insolent…infuriating… no respect for-"

"Good evening Severus."

Snape immediately stopped his aimless pacing and turned on the spot. Albus Dumbledore stood smiling in the doorway. "Don't you knock?" Snarled Snape venomously.

"Oh, but I did. I thought I heard you give me permission to enter," said Dumbledore pleasantly." Snape scowled at the old man; hating everything about him. "But since you are looking at me in a way that suggests tremendous disbelieve of why I have so rudely trespass upon are privacy, I am forced to assume that I was mistaken.

"You were," Snape confirmed disdainfully.

"Oh I do hope you will forgive me," said Dumbledore as he made himself comfortable in an armchair near Snape's desk. Snape turned his back to the headmaster trying to stop himself from saying something he might regret later. "Since I'm here, tell me Severus, who is insolent, infuriating and has no respect."

"That girl," said Snape through clenched teeth.

"What girl, Severus?" The headmaster asked calmly.

Snape wiped around. "You know perfectly well, what girl, Alex Snape," as he said her name his expression grew darker.

"And what is it she has done," said Dumbledore somberly.

Snape didn't answer. What hasn't she done? It was bad enough that he had one more person to look after and worry about. She, like Potter, had no respect for him and what he was doing. But she put a new twist on the matter; she was making him feel guilty. Guilty can you believe that. All these ignorant children complaining about how unfair they have it, they need to open their eyes and notice that they are not the only ones who have it bad.

"Well," Dumbledore prompted.

"She is an Insufferable brat." Snape said stiffly

"Surely you do not think that."

"Oh don't I?" Snape said angrily

"You are alone in your opinions, Severus," said Dumbledore somewhat wearily. "I have heard only praise on her performances in her lessons; she has proven herself to be very well-mannered and intelligent."

"She is an irrevocable know-it-all."

"Personally I find her to be a delightful young lady," Dumbledore said earnestly

"Delightful," Snape repeated sarcastically.

Dumbledore eyed him thoughtfully. "You do not hate your cousin, Severus. On the contrary I believe you like her very much."

"What gives you that impression," Snape hissed murderously.

"Oh," said Dumbledore surreptitiously, "How could you hate someone who cares so much about you."

"Cares so much about me," Snape mocked. "I saw Alex no more than ten minutes ago, and I assure you, Dumbledore, all she cares about is being a pain in my side.

"And I assure you that that girl care as much for you as you do for her. Do not interrupt me, Severus," Dumbledore said sternly, for Snape showed all the sides of protest. "Forgive me, but for the sake of the argument, we will have to admit, that though you are a very capable wizard, my intellect exceeds yours. Therefore, we can conclude that I am right in saying that you are frightened-"

"Frightened," Snape said wildly, his tone full of disgust. "And what exactly do I have to be frightened of."

"Yes, frightened, Severus." Dumbledore stood from his chair. "You are afraid to let anyone near you heart.

"MY HEART!" Snape yelled, his eyes flashed with anger. "And what would you know of my heart?" Snape gripped at the front of his own robes, he didn't even think he had a heart anymore.

Dumbledore stared straight into the face of Severus Snape, surveying him so closely it was a wonder Snape did not recoil. "I know that you need her." He started for the door. "It is you heart, Severus, you alone can choose what to do with it." Dumbledore left the office, leaving Snape, who was still clutching at his chest, alone. Thump, thump, thump, thump, it was still there.

I sat in an empty corridor; I wasn't in the mood for dinner anymore. I guess the sight of Professor Snape made me lose my appetite. I smiled cruelly to myself. What would I like to do to Severus Snape? I thought viciously. Poisoning him might be a bit much. My smile widened. The bat boggy hex could be appropriate. Or I rather think Professor Snape would make an excellent cockroach. I let out a small laugh. If only I could. "Well, I could." I said quietly to myself, tightening my fingers around my wand. But would I? I thought about this for a minute, No, I wouldn't.

I got up and started walking towards the library. Did I really hate Professor Snape? Well I was just fantasizing about his doom. But truthfully, I really didn't believe I hated him. I mean wasn't it I who had been rude to him last. Compared to our other encounters, he was perfectly civil. At least I didn't run away crying this time, I though.

Thud, I fell backwards onto the hard stone floor. I looked up nervously. Again I had run straight into Albus Dumbledore, who had been walking in front of me for who knows how long. He turned. I stood, blushing all the while.

"I'm so sorry, Professor. I didn't mean to run it to you," the blush deepened, "again."

The professor laughed heartily, he seemed completely unscathed by the collision. "No harm done. It is difficult to concentrate on ones surroundings when you are so deeply absorbed in your own thoughts." He said understandingly. "I find myself a culprit of the same offence on numerous occasions." He smiled at me. "Though perhaps I should have warned you of my presence, but I didn't want to disturb what could have very well been a world renowned epiphany."

I smiled. Dumbledore was just one of those people that always make you feel relaxed. "I wouldn't call it an epiphany, sir." I laughed at the thought of my own evil fantasies.

"And where are you off to on this fine evening?" Dumbledore asked.

"The library, I have some homework that I need to get finished up."

"I too am on my way to the library." Dumbledore said conversationally. "Now tell me are you familiar with The Tales of Beetle the Bard?" He asked, holding up a tattered old copy of the book.

"No, I'm afraid not, Professor," I said. I knew they were wizard fairytales, and yes my mom was a witch, but she wanted to keep us as normal as possible, so she read my sister and I Cinderella. Though, after our bedtime story she would turn out the lights with her wand. My family was far from normal, but It was typical for Mom to tried and keep us as muggle-ish as possible, for Dad's sake. But then she would just turn around and teach Sidney and me how to make our Barbies fly around our room. It didn't matter though, my dad loved magic. I smiled to myself.

"No, I suppose not," Dumbledore said kindly. We walked passed Professor Snapes classroom. I tried very hard not to look at it, which probably just made it more obvious what I was thinking about. "I was just with Professor Snape," Dumbledore told me.

"Oh," I said awkwardly.

"Indeed," said Dumbledore. "And he mentioned you."

Great, I thought, just perfect. "Oh," I said again quietly. I wanted to assure Dumbledore that anything Professor Snape told him is completely untrue, but then again, I was not so sure.

"I know he is very fond of you," Dumbledore guaranteed.

I stopped walking, Dumbledore did too. "With all due respect, sir, I really don't think Professor Snape is fond of anyone much."

"He is fond of you." I let out a small humorless chuckle. Dumbledore considered me for a moment and then said. "Some people, Professor Snape being one of them, have a hard time expressing their emotions." I looked at him intently. So lucky me, the only family I have left is emotionally constipated. "And those are the people who need the most compassion and love," Dumbledore concluded.

I thought for a minute about what he was telling me."So, Sir," I started hesitantly. "Do you mean that I should be extra nice to Professor Snape?" Because I know that I already tried that and if I remember correctly it did not turn out to well.

Dumbledore looked at me for a rather long time. I shuttered. I felt as though I was being x-rayed. "Yes," he finally said, "that is exactly what I mean." Really, I though, just because I've decided not to hex him does not mean I want to become best buddies now. I looked blankly up at Dumbledore. "Will You?"

I took a deep breath. "I will," I said.

"Very good," he said happily, and then suddenly his manner changed. He looked at me seriously "Alex, I'm going to tell you something that I want you to always remember." I nodded. "Trust is a very valuable thing. Some people do not deserve it, but others do. The guilty are sometimes the innocent and nothing is ever as it may appear."

"I don't understand, Sir." I said feeling like I was missing something extremely important.

"Oh, you will in due course," he said pleasantly, "goodnight." He smiled and walked away in the opposite direction of the library.