Jack sat with his always-ready bottle of rum, staring into the flickering candlelight that dimly lit his quarters. He reached for the knife stuck perpendicularly into the table and grabbed it pulling it towards him. He absently twirled it between his fingers while he stared into the light.
He wanted to go to her. He wanted to hear her scream his name as he filled her with himself. He wanted to fall into her arms and tell her that no matter what happened, he'd always be there.
But he didn't. He raised a hand to his temple and kneaded the aching flesh he found there. Bloody headache coming on. No doubt caused by his overactive mind.
He knew he would only serve to disappoint her. Now they were off the island it was a different story completely. Elizabeth surely wanted children, wanted a family, wanted away from everything this pirate life had taken from her. He mulled over and over again in his mind the many ways he would only fail her. She would never be a lady, with fine silks and satins. She would be living on the deck of a pirate ship, dressed in dirty rags. He could not give her what she deserved.
His heart heavy, he knew he had to let her go. Let her go before he caused her any more hurt. All their relationship would do would be to make her resent him for being unable to provide what she needed. And what of their coupling? What if he inadvertently left her with child? A bastard to raise by herself. No.
He leaned his head back staring at the wooden ceiling of his room and took another swig of rum. He closed his eyes as the amber liquid eased its way down his throat leaving a trail of warmth in its wake. Jack honestly couldn't remember a time when a woman had made him feel like this. It was as if everyone else he'd ever been with melted into a single blur; no one's face distinguishable from the next.
He loved her. He loved her independence, her spunk, her toughness. Elizabeth was a lot tougher than he'd imagined originally.
He remembered seeing her fall once upon a time. He didn't know what made him dive in after her. Obviously he needed the coin, but he remembered her willowy body in his arms as he struggled to wrestle the corset from her and allow her to breathe. He remembered laying her on the dock and lying atop her, her eyelids fluttering as he tore her dress from her. It was a non-sexual gesture but it somehow joined the two of them together in a kind of way. He had saved her life and risked his own neck in return.
He even remembered taking pleasure and smirking at Norrington as she wrapped his belt around his midsection and tied it. He wanted to kiss her then. He'd wanted to run the fine blond hair through his fingers even though her face showed little but contempt at being held hostage. They played their game, her so obviously above him yet flirting with him every so often. In fact, every conversation they'd ever held had a kind of energy all its own.
And when she finally kissed him it was a release of sorts. Her mouth closed over his and he joined his lips and tongue to hers. She kissed him wantonly, giving herself to him for the few moments they had. She pushed him against the mast, holding him there with her body up against him. He even smiled as she locked the chains which kept him to the mast. He was hurt, betrayed, but she could have done it any other way. She was a pirate. He had taught her that.
If only he'd witnessed what everyone else did. Guilt over what she'd done. Sadness that he was gone forever. And when he reappeared she was completely ecstatic. He'd noticed that.
He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, raising a leg to the table and crossing the other one over it.
He would have to put on a front. He would have to ignore her and pretend she didn't mean anything. It was going to be difficult.