Kingdom Hearts: The True Story

By: Tour Guide62

Disclaimer: Fortunately for everyone, I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Square Enix plus Disney do.

Sorry if this is confusing, but the Narrator is telling the story and will interrupt, help, or insult Sora at different times. When he's telling the story, he has no quotation marks around his lines, but when he directly interacts with the characters his lines will have quotations around them.

Me being late at updating this had nothing to do with the fact that I have high-speed Internet now…Honest. (Goes back to the Internet.)

Chapter 4: Groceries, Foreshadowing, and the Most Awkward Conversation Ever.

Still angry at Riku, Sora was muttering to himself as he made his way to the raft. Kairi watched him approach and heard words like "Stupid" "Backstabbing" and "Pinkie". After wondering why he was so upset for a few moments, she decided that she didn't care.

"Sora! Over here!" she yelled.

Sora rushed over, but before he could even say anything, Kairi handed him a list and said, "This is a list of all the provisions we need for our trip. Riku and I have already gotten our share of the food..."

Earlier:

Kairi was looking over two small slips of paper with Riku. She smiled and said, "Okay, I think we've got everything we were supposed to get. 5 bananas from me and two oranges plus the bag of Halloween candy you stole from Tidus from you."

"Now all we have to do," said Riku as he pulled out a huge list, "is get Sora to get his share."

"Yay!"

Now:

"…so now you need to go get your share. Come back here when you have everything." Finished Kairi.

"So Sora set off." Said the Narrator. "He walked and walked and walked and walked to his destination. Just walking and walking and…"

"HEY!" yelled Sora.

"What?"

"They get it. I'm walking to get the stuff, can we please move on?" asked Sora.

"Fine." Grumbled the Narrator.

Sora was walking along the beach and picking up provisions. And by "provisions", I mean he was just picking up random objects and putting it into his pockets.

"Let's see here…" murmured Sora as he checked items off his list. "Hermit Crab…check. Squid…check. Underwater Pineapple…check. Several poisonous mushrooms, 3 raw fish, unripe coconuts, and a seagull egg to give Riku salmonella… all checked off."

"Hey Sora!" came a cheerful voice.

"Oh, crap. I mean, hey Wakka!" Sora said in a (fake) cheerful voice.

"Sora! There's something I've been meaning to ask you about." Wakka walked up to Sora, grabbed him, and threw him.

Sora landed with a cracking sort of noise. He got up, looked around, and saw that he landed near a tree. Wakka walked up and pointed to a small tunnel at the base of the tree. It was difficult to see as it was partially hidden by plant life. "Me and Tidus are going to do a little exploring today. We're going to go right through the bush and plunge deep inside that hole."

Sora stared at him for a moment before saying, "…What?"

"Well there's gotta be something there, right?" Wakka's expression turned dark. "I bet it's those damn Al Bhed sneaking their fancy gadgets into our peaceful island."

He turned around to see Sora playing on a hand-held game system whose name we can't mention due to copyrights (coughcoughPSPcoughcough).

"MACHINA!" yelled the racist Wakka, as he took the game system and threw it into the sea.

"NO! How am I supposed to play BBS now?" shouted Sora.

"GO SORA!" yelled Wakka. "KILL THOSE GODLESS HEATHENS!" He picked up Sora and threw him into the tunnel.

Sora, for the second time in what has been an excruciatingly painful few minutes, landed flat on his face due to the actions of a racist blitzball player. "Good thing the rocks broke my fall…" whimpered Sora. He picked himself up and looked back to the entrance. "Better let him cool down for a bit." He looked down the tunnel and said, "Well, better try to find some tasty morsels while I'm in here."

Sora walked down the tunnel and entered a large cavern. Pictures were on the walls and most of the rocks. The only place that didn't have anything drawn on it was a door on the wall opposite of the tunnel.

"Man, I remember these!" Sora said while looking at several drawings. "Kairi's drawings," he looked at the Mona Lisa, "My abstract phase," several Picasso-like drawings, "and…Riku's…picture…" an American Gothic styled picture with Riku holding a Keyblade, while another Riku was staring at him. "…Man, he's weird…"

Sora moved on and came to a picture of him and Kairi. Sora kneeled down and drew a poorly drawn star going from him to Kairi.

"Dude, that's a little creepy." said a voice from behind.

Sora jumped and spun around. A man in a dark brown cloak was standing in the shadows.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi?" asked Sora.

"Not even close." said the man in the cloak. "I've come to see the door to this world."

"O…K…It's right there," Sora pointed to the door. "In all it's uninteresting glory."

"This world has been connected." continued the man.

"Sprint?" asked Sora.

"Shut. Up. Tied to the darkness…soon to be completely eclipsed."

"Look dude, I'm a big fan of cryptic foreshadowing, but you're really freakin' me out." Sora thought for a minute. "Wait, you sound like you've already hit puberty. You can't be anyone I know. Where did you come from?"

"You do not yet know what lies beyond the door." continued the man.

"Yeah, that's cuz it doesn't open." said Sora. "Seriously, how am I supposed to know what's beyond the door if the damn thing doesn't open?"

"Look, kid, I've been writing this monologue for months, ok? Shut it and let me finish." the man cleared his throat. "There is so very much to learn, you understand so little."

"OH YEAH!" yelled Sora, "Well me and my friends are going on an incredibly dangerous journey on a hastily thrown together raft, where we'll drift for possibly months with very slim chance of finding anything before our food supply runs out and we have to resort to eating each other which is why I'm bringing about 50 bottles of BBQ sauce instead of water!"

"…You kind of just proved my point there buddy." said the man. "Anyhoo, I'm tired of sharing the same oxygen with a moron, so…look over there!" He pointed behind Sora.

"ZOMG WHAT IS IT?" Screamed Sora.

After hyperventilating for several seconds, Sora turned back around to confront the man. However, the Jedi-esque man had vanished. Confused, and just a little angry about getting insulted and bamboozled, Sora went back to Kairi and the raft.

"Sora! Did you get your stuff?" asked Kairi.

Sora emptied his pockets and dropped the "supplies" in front of her and said, "Yeah, and instead of telling you about the freaky guy I met, I'll ask you what you're doing."

"Well, since you took your sweet time getting your provisions, I grabbed a bunch of shells and made a voodoo necklace. You keep it!" Kairi handed the necklace to Sora, who put it on.

"What does it do?" he asked.

"Not much, it just makes you burn horribly if you think about dating another woman except for me." She replied.

"That sounds innocent enough. Hey, want to go watch the sunset?" Sora asked.

"Why not?" said Kairi.

They walked to the pier and sat down. Kairi looked to Sora and said, "You know, you brought me to this romantic setting, and this may be the last chance we have to be alone for awhile, so…let's talk about Riku!"

"YES, I WANT TO SLEEP WITH…Riku?" asked Sora.

Kairi smiled and said, "I knew you felt that way about him! That's why we're such great friends!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" exclaimed Sora. "You mean the only reason you hang out with me is because you think I'm…Look, I like women, ok!"

"But…you're always with Riku!" said Kairi.

"That's because we compete for your attention!" screamed Sora.

"But…all of your accessories! Your feminine looks! Your moisturized hair!"

"My accessories complete my outfit! My feminine looks are because I'm a Square Enix character! And my hair is naturally this bouncy!" denied Sora.

"Then let's leave on the raft! Just the two of us!" said Kairi suddenly.

"Wh-what?"

"See, Sora? If you were straight, you would have jumped at the chance to leave with me!" said Kairi matter-of-factly.

"But-But-but-" stammered Sora.

"I guess that voodoo necklace I made won't be useful at all. At least it matches your outfit!" Kairi turned and walked away. She turned around and added, "Oh, you can ask me for boy advice anytime you need it, ok?"

"But-but-but…"

"Bye, Sora!" Kairi walked away.

"…But-but-but…" continued Sora.

…That could've gone better for Sora.

I promise the next chapter will be the last on Destiny Island!

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