Kingdom Hearts: The True Story
By: Tour Guide62
Disclaimer: Fortunately for everyone, I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Square Enix plus Disney do.
Sorry if this is confusing, but the Narrator is telling the story and will interrupt, help, or insult Sora at different times. When he's telling the story, he has no quotation marks around his lines, but when he directly interacts with the characters his lines will have quotations around them.
Man, 5 chapters in and the plot's only just starting. This is definitely based on a Square Enix game.
Chapter 5: The 5th Annual Heartless Beach Party
While Sora was still futilely stammering out arguments regarding his sexuality, Disney Castle was in an uproar. The king was missing, the royal magician was getting a severe dressing-down, and the sprinklers in the garden were malfunctioning. Well, I suppose the last issue was not a major problem, but I'm sure the gardener's going to be upset. Where was I again?
Oh, yeah! Uproar. Ok, so Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, Queen Minnie Mouse, and Goofy were in the royal library staring at the letter in Queen Minnie's hands as she read it out loud.
"Donald," read the queen, "Sorry to rush off unexpectedly like this, hopefully you guys won't destroy the castle while I'm gone. I mean, remember the time I was just having dinner with Minnie, and you and Goofy managed to set the Cornerstone of Light on fire. Seriously, how'd you even manage that? Anyway, there's trouble brewin' and I've gone off to fix it. Not sure why, but the stars have started blinking out, one by one. This means either one of two things: A) Rabid Star Wars fans have built their own Death Star or B) a huge disaster is about to happen. Either way, we're in trouble. I hate to leave you in charge of things (I mean, I really don't want to leave you in charge. I'm serious. Have Minnie do it.) but I've gone to check it out. There's someone with a "Key"; the key to our survival. I need you and Goofy to find him and stick to him like stupid on a Disney Channel show. We need that key or else (to put it nicely) we're royally screwed. I need you two to go to Traverse Town and find a guy named Squall. He'll likely be in one of his emo moods and will be going by his alias, Leon. He should be able to point you in the right direction. It's not like he'll have beat the guy with the key senseless or something."
"P.S." Minnie continued to read. "I'm definitely not in Las Vegas gambling away my kingdom. The fact that I left on the day of the big poker tourney is completely coincidental. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes…I mean, thanks pal. Mickey."
Daisy looked away from the letter and said, "Oh, dear."
"I know!" said Donald. "How come he gets a vacation?"
"Not that!" said Daisy. "I meant the whole apocalypse thing he mentioned in the letter!"
"We've got to trust him." said Minnie. "Hopefully he's doing something important."
Meanwhile in Vegas:
Mickey pulled a large pile of poker chips towards him as other Disney characters glared at him. "Suckers!"
Rufus the Naked Mole Rat slammed his head on the table as Perry the Platypus gave Mickey the finger.
Back to what hopefully will be the plot soon:
"Your Highness," said Donald. "Don't worry. We'll find the king and this "key".
Daisy looked at him oddly and observed, "Are you being sensitive? That's so out of character for you."
"I know." Donald agreed. "I don't like it."
Minnie interrupted the two, "Thank you both for agreeing to look for this "key"."
Daisy nodded. "Minnie and I will take care of things here. Be careful, both of you."
Minnie jumped a little and said, "I just remembered, to chronicle your travels," she pointed to the empty desk, "He will accompany you."
Donald stared at the desk for a moment before turning to Minnie. "Are you crazy?" he asked.
"Down here you feathery moron!" yelled a voice. The voice belong to none other to Jiminy Cricket. Once he had everyone's attention, he swept off his top hat and greeted, "Cricket's the name. Jiminy Cricket at your service!"
Minnie looked back at Donald and said, "We hope for your safe return. Please help the king."
Donald saluted and turned to go when he realized he'd forgotten something. He spun around and spotted Goofy dozing by a stack of books. Donald grabbed him and said, "You're coming too!" Jiminy jumped into Goofy's hat and the three left.
They walked down the long stairway to the hanger and Jiminy was explaining that his world disappeared. "…And as far as I can tell, I'm the only one who made it here." Jiminy finished.
"What about Pinocchio?" asked Donald.
"Well…" said Jiminy hesitantly. "Things were getting a little weird between us anyway."
"What do you mean?" asked Goofy.
"Well…he's starting to grow up. Why just before our world disappeared…"
A few weeks ago:
"Hey Pinoke! What's wrong." asked Jiminy.
"…Jiminy, I can ask you anything right?" asked Pinocchio.
"Of course!"
Pinocchio looked a little apprehensive. "Well, I've noticed something strange when I talk to girls."
"It's ok." said Jiminy quickly. "I can explain any funny feelings you might be having."
"Oh good." said a relieved Pinocchio. "Can you explain why my nose gets all long and hard when I talk to them?"
An awkward silence filled the air.
Awkward:
Just as an awkward silence filled the air now.
Donald cleared his throat after several uncomfortable seconds and said, "SO, Goofy. We should probably get some new clothes when we get to Traverse Town."
"You are right, Donald." said Goofy with the awkward air of one wishing to change the subject. "We have to protect the world border and whatnot."
"Order you mean." corrected Donald.
"Oh, yes."
"Right."
"Indeed."
Another long silence permeated the air.
Jiminy broke the silence, "So what do you think I should to about Pino-"
"OH LOOK, WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE HANGER!" said Donald loudly and mechanically. They opened the door and walked into the hanger. A large orange glob seemed to be suspended in midair in front of them.
"Um, Donald?" Goofy said hesitantly. "Wasn't the gummi ship supposed to be ready?"
"Uh…yeah…" Donald said as he went over to the intercom. "Donald Duck to launch crew," he said as he spoke into it, "Why isn't the ship ready yet?"
There was a moment's silence. All of a sudden two brown blurs zoomed over to the orange blob and began to work on it. After about two minutes the blurs moved away from the newly completed gummi ship. The blurs stopped near Donald, who saw that they were two hyperactive chipmunks.
"Sorry about that Donald we should've had that ready, but you know Dale." said one of them in a squeaky voice. He had a black nose and was glaring at his companion.
"Chip that's not fair, you said Donald couldn't find the King's letter before Christmas." said Dale, the red nosed chipmunk.
The two of them bickered in high pitched squeaky voices for some time. Finally, Donald felt enough was enough.
"GUYS! Just tell me, is the ship ready?" he asked.
Dale turned and said, "Oh yeah the ship's ready."
Chip nodded and said, "Maybe just a little problem with the oxygen supply."
Dale continued, "Some slight asphyxiation at worst."
Donald gulped, "Isn't asphyxiation bad?"
Dale rolled his eyes and said, "That's why I said at worst Donald."
Chip decided to interrupt Donald's retort. "Let's get you guys on that ship."
Chip whistled and two mechanical arms grabbed both Goofy and Donald. Instead of gently putting them into the ship, the arms threw them into it. Before the cockpit hatch closed, Pluto jumped inside. A hatch opened beneath the ship and the passengers prepared to be dropped. However, an arrow flashed in front of them. Instead of pointing down, it was pointing up. A giant spring hit the ship from underneath, and it was launched through the ceiling.
Destiny Islands:
Sora was snoozing on the bed in his room. Several ants marched on the remains of pizza and other junk food, as what appeared to be several cockroaches hid in the clothes on the floor.
"Sora was dreaming and dozing about the events of the day." said the Narrator. He cleared his voice and spoke in a horribly high-pitched imitation of Kairi, "If you ever need any boy advice, let me know." He waited several seconds before adding, "You big fruit."
"I'M NOT GAY!" screamed Sora as he shot up from his slumber. He heard a distant rumble and looked out the window at the night sky. "A storm?" He blinked blearily for a few moments before laying his head down. "Probably nothing I have to worry about." He shut his eyes. Several seconds later he shot back up and exclaimed, "Oh my god! The S.S. Riku Sucks! As the Captain Navigator Cabin Boy, I cannot let this happen!" He opened his window and jumped out of it.
"Sora?" his mother called from downstairs. "Come and get your dinner! Also, don't forget to use the stairs when you come down! You know that you're on the 3rd floor!"
A very weak voice fluttered through the window, "Now she tells me…"
After fixing his dislocated shoulder, Sora ran down to the beach and stole- I mean, borrowed- a boat. He set off to the play island with the hopes that his 50 bottles of BBQ sauce were ok.
Meanwhile on the Play Island:
A large group of Shadow Heartless was gathered on the beach. Chase, the bespectacled Heartless, was staring at a checklist in his hands. He was mumbling to himself as Cameron, the curly-antenna Heartless, walked up to him.
"So, how's it going?" Cameron asked.
"Horrible." said Chase looking up. "How come I'm the one in charge of the 5th annual Heartless Beach Bash?"
"You were the one complaining that you didn't have enough responsibility." pointed out Cameron. "Maybe you should've just kept quiet."
"Maybe this would go better if somebody was helping me!" Chase growled.
"I am helping!" Cameron said defiantly. "I picked the music! And picked up that replacement keg when Chris and Zach downed the first one."
Cameron pointed to where Chris, the blue-eyed Heartless, and Zach, the spiked antenna Heartless, where laying on the sand.
"Dude, dude, dude dude dude dude…" Zach said drunkenly.
"Waz up?" slurred Chris.
"What did the Keyhole say to the Bladekey, or Keyblade I think?" Zach queried.
"Wha?" said Chris as he turned his head and swallowed a large amount of sand.
"I want you inside me." answered Zach.
The two Hammered Heartless giggled like schoolgirls at the joke. Chase shook his head at them and proceeded to direct the other Heartless as to where the stereo should go. Cameron watched him for a moment before going to the buffet. As he grabbed some chips, he felt somebody watching him. He turned around to find a wide-eyed Sora looking at all of the Heartless with his mouth hanging open.
"Oh, hi!" said Cameron brightly. He grabbed a plate and offered it to Sora. "Want some chips and dip?"
Sora took a deep breath.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he ran off.
Cameron stared at his retreating figure in bemusement. He looked down at the plate and said, "Yeah, that's the reaction most people get to Chase's cooking."
Sora ran away from the creatures of his dream. How did they get here? he asked himself. Am I still dreaming? Like Inception? Sora stopped, grabbed a wooden plank, and spun a top on it. The top fell over almost instantly. I guess that answers that…
Sora looked up from the ground and stared. Somehow, in his panic, he had managed to get to the small island. And standing in the middle of it, looking perfectly content, was Riku.
"RIKU!" screamed Sora. "THOSE SHADOW THINGS FROM MY DREAM CAME BACK AND TRIED TO GIVE ME STRANGE DIP AND I RAN AND I SAW YOU AND KAIRI'S NOT HERE AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS WITH YOU AND-"
"SORA!" Riku yelled to him to calm Sora down. "First off, dip is not usually strange. Second, the door has opened."
"I KNOW, THE DOOR TO MY DEATH IF THOSE THINGS CATCH UP TO ME!" screamed Sora.
"No Sora. I meant the door has opened. Now we can go to the outside world!" Riku persisted.
"WHO THE FUDDLE-DI-DIDDLE-DIE CARES ABOUT THAT WHEN KAIRI IS NO DOUBT BEING SACRIFICED TO SAURON, LORD OF DARKNESS!"
"SORA!" Riku yelled. "One, you're confusing Lord of the Rings with reality again. And two, Kairi's coming with us!"
Sora had a blank look on his face.
Riku put his hand over his eyes. "You're thinking about jokes involving the words "Kairi" and "coming", aren't you?"
"…You know me so well…" muttered Sora.
"Ok, here's the point. We're leaving, we may not come back, we might not see our parents again…" said Riku.
"Who?" asked Sora.
Riku sighed, then said, "Join me, Sora. Join me, my silver hair dye, my Lady Gaga albums, and choose the soul-stealing powers of darkness to leave this place."
"Um…" Sora said hesitantly, "What do you mean, soul-stealing?"
"Well, I don't really-" Riku began. He was cut off when a pool of darkness opened beneath him. Tentacles of darkness shot up out of the pool and grabbed him. "AH!" Riku screamed. "I NEED AN ADULT!"
"I'll save you!" said Sora as he rushed forward. He was immediately knocked backwards. "Uh…or…maybe not." he continued from his place on the ground.
"SORA! YOU USELESS SON OF A-" yelled Riku as he disappeared.
"Riku!" yelled Sora. "Oh my god! My best friend is gone. He's gone and I have nothing to remember him by…"
The pool of darkness appeared again and spat back up the Lady Gaga CD's.
"Except…for…the Lady Gaga CD's which apparently even the forces of darkness don't like." he paused for a moment before wondering aloud, "I wonder if the forces of light enjoy Lady Gaga?"
A bright light shone from up above as a key shaped sword dropped down from above and stabbed in the middle of the CD's.
"Guess not…" said Sora.
Later:
"You know something, Chase?" Cameron asked as the party continued. "This was actually a pretty great party."
"Thanks!" said Chase. He frowned for a minute. "Hey, what's everyone screaming about?"
"I don't hear any- OH MY GOD, MY CHEST!" screamed Cameron as a key-shaped blade appeared in the middle of his diaphragm.
Meanwhile, Zach and Chris were laying in the sand. They felt slightly more coherent and they watched the situation with interest.
"Wait! My chips!" They heard Chase scream.
"Hey Zach?" asked Chris.
"Yes?" said Zach.
"Is a crazy teenager taking a blade to all of the others?"
"Seems like it."
"Ah."
They were silent for a moment.
"Hey Zach?"
"Yes Chris?"
"We should probably hide, bro."
Meanwhile, back near the bodies of Cameron and Chase, Sora was still continuing his rampage.
Cameron stop looking at the hole in his chest and looked to Chase's decapitated head.
"Hey, before we disappear back into the darkness, I have one thing to say to you." said Cameron.
Chase's eyes shifted to Cameron. "What?" he said, which was an achievement considering he lost his vocal cords.
"Worst. Party. Ever."
So remember how last chapter I said that this chapter was gonna be the last one on Destiny Islands?
Yeah, I lied.
Review!