Chapter 15

Covered in Mud

April 28, 1997

I entered the Great Hall for breakfast feeling tired. I looked over at the Slytherin table like I did every day since my banishment from the hospital wing; Draco was back!

Excitement bubbled up inside me. I took a few steps forward. I had been planning this moment for almost two weeks. I was just going to play it cool. I was going to walk up to the Slytherin table and sit down next to him. I figured by the way he was snogging me I had at least earned the right to sit with him. Although, I wasn't one of those stupid girls who thinks just because a boy kisses them that make her his girlfriend. I knew I wasn't Draco's girlfriend, but I planned to be.

I began casually working my way towards the Slytherins, trying to convince myself that I deserved to be there.

"Hi Draco," I said shyly. I stood across from the place he was sitting; he was with his friends, the two large ones and the rude, pug faced girl among them. They were all glaring at me, Draco included.

Draco leered. "What do you want?"

I looked at him blankly.

"Hey," said the pug faced girl to me. "Aren't you going to say anything or are you just going to stand there gaping at us like an idiot?"

I looked at Draco expectantly, waiting for him to defend me, but he didn't.

"Well?" the pug faced girl prompted impatiently.

I felt my face go pink, not at the girl's words, but at the hard glare that Draco was giving me. I didn't understand.

"Draco, can we talk?" I asked, "please." I had been thinking about him nonstop over the past weeks, missing him. Hadn't he been thinking about me? Or was I just the distraction to pass the time while he was in the hospital wing.

Draco crossed his arms. "Fine, talk," he said sharply.

I flinched as if he had just hit me. "Can we talk alone?" I wanted to tell him how glad I was that he was back and I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to kiss him so badly.

"No," Draco said coldly.

I looked at him intensely; he grimaced back at me.

"He doesn't want to talk to you, so go away," the pug faced girl said.

I chewed on my tongue resentfully but desperately hoping that Draco would tell the girl that he did not want me to go, but it was a bleak desire.

I felt so used and ugly. The pug faced girl smiled at me cruelly.

I wasn't going to give her satisfaction of crying in front of them, I would just have to wait until my back was turned.

Professor Snape watched the girl with annoyance. She was moving very quickly to the exit.

Although Severus could not see the girl's face he knew that she must be crying, because that was all this girl ever did, cry and annoy him.

Severus wondered why out of all the arrogant, dim-witted, teenage boys to choose from at Hogwarts she would pick Draco Malfoy?

I could see tentacle protruding out of the water as I sat by the black lake. Tears still ran down my cheeks. I pulled out my wand and produced a handkerchief out of thin air to blow my nose with.

I leaned over to the water's edge and looked at my reflection in the lake.

It is obvious why Draco doesn't like me, I thought. Draco was very attractive and I was an embarrassment to him; that must have been it. He didn't want his friends to know that we kissed, I thought, because I'm so ugly. At that I let out a throat burning sob. I turned my head side to side examining my huge nose, which made me cry even harder. I buried my face in my hands to hide my ugliness from the world. And if I couldn't feel any worse, it started to rain.

"Hey," said a soft voice.

I looked up with puffy eyes. Draco stood a few feet away.

I turned my back on him.

"Alex," he said. "Look at me."

I didn't move.

Draco sat beside me. "Look at me," he said again.

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and turned around. "What do you want?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"I want to talk to you," he said.

Anger rose inside me. "Oh now you want to talk," I said hysterically "now that we are not surrounded by all your friends. I get it; you're embarrassed by me because I'm so…" I paused, "ugly." The word was contorted by a sob. I was reminding myself exceedingly of Moaning Myrtle.

Draco opened his mouth as if to say something but I cut him off. "You were embarrassed, fine, whatever, but if you never even liked me why did you use me that way."

Draco looked at me with wide eyes. "Are you done?" he asked.

"Yes," I said coldly.

"First of all," he said, "I wouldn't have snogged you if I thought you were ugly." The smiled slightly, so he doesn't think I'm ugly, but then I realized that there must be something wrong with my personality then and the smile faded. "Secondly," he continued. "I did not use you, I told you I liked you, remember?"

"Yeah," I said bitterly, "I remember." I did not like being contradicted. "Then what's the problem then?"

"This can't happen. That's what I wanted to tell you," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. "What can't happen?"

He moved himself closer to me, grabbed my face with both hands, tilted my head to one side and kissed me forcefully.

"That is what can't happen," he said.

"I don't understand," I said.

"I thought you were smart; do I have to spell it out for you?"

I looked at him blankly.

"I guess so," he said. He pushed me backwards and my head hit the wet grass. I smiled as Draco knelt over me. "Stay away from me," he said before he pressed his lips against my throat, my chin, and then my lips.

He was wearing some peppery cologne that he hadn't had in the hospital wing. His scent was sweet; it seemed to warm me as it crawled up my nostrils. I ran my fingers through his damp hair. All of his body's weight was practically on top of me, protecting me from the rain and giving me strange feelings that started from below my bellybutton. I sunk deeper and deeper into the moist earth.

It began to rain harder.

I wrapped my legs around his middle to pull his body closer to mine. I ran the tips of my fingers down his spine. Draco let out slow hum of pleasure.

My lips tingled with the intensity of the kiss and the cold rain drops hitting my skin only made me feel hotter.

My mouth was completely filled with his taste when he finally pulled away.

We both sat up, breathing heavy, our bodies covered in mud.

"Do you understand now?" Draco asked me.

I looked at him with utter confusion. "No, I am completely lost." I smiled playfully. "Do you want to try explaining it to me again?"

Draco didn't smile and he didn't look at me. He just stared at the ground gravely.

"Draco," I asked, "what's wrong?"

Draco stood up. His face was serious; he suddenly looked older. He was suddenly a completely different person.

"I have been stupid in trying to fool myself," he said more to himself than to me.

"Draco, what's wrong?" I asked again.

"This can't happen."

"I know you already said that," I joked.

"You are not my girlfriend; you know that right?" He said harshly

"Yeah, I know," I said feeling hurt. I blushed; "I would like to be."

Draco glared at me. "Well you're not," he said sternly. "Just stay away from me,"

"Why?"

"That is not any of you business, just stay clear of me." With that he walked away, leaving me in the rain feeling hurt, confused, and very wet.