Chapter 17

Severus and Lily

(Same day)

After weeks of emptiness, suddenly vicious, hungry emotions started scratching at my insides, anger, fear and hatred. "NO!" I screamed. "No." I backed into the office door. I started shaking my head vigorously. My breath was coming out in sharp lurches. I felt light headed and slid down the wall.

"Alex, Alex!" The matron said breathlessly as she kneeled beside me. Snape stayed stationary in his dark corner. "Are you okay?" I didn't answer, I couldn't.

Finally, I stood slowly. "Alex," Ms. O'Dell began. "What is the matter with you?" she looked outrageous.

"I won't go with him," I told her. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Professor Snape reach into his coat pocket. I knew he was wrapping his long fingers around his wand handle. My wand was upstairs in my trunk. I'm an idiot, I thought.

"Alex," the matron tried to reason with me. "This man says he is your cousin, is that true?"

I glared at him and nodded.

"He says he was your teacher as well, is that true?"

I nodded again.

"Well then, Alex, don't you trust him?

"I-" I started, shaking my head, but then I remembered something, something important, something I was supposed to remember. Trust. Trust?

'Trust is a very valuable thing. Some people do not deserve it, but others do. The guilty are sometimes the innocent and nothing is ever as it may appear.' I stopped shaking my head immediately. Could this have been what Dumbledore meant?

I looked at Ms. O'Dell and then at Severus Snape. I smiled at him. Tears poured out of my eyes. "Yes, I trust him." There is a feeling that comes over you, when everything suddenly comes back.

Professor Snape looked as if he had never seen anything quite like me before. He raised an eyebrow, contemplating whether or not I was completely sane. Ms. O'Dell looked at me with the same kind of concern for my mental health. I started laughing.

I was so confused about what I was feeling and the looks on their faces were so funny, I just couldn't help it. When you laugh for the first time in months, it is like waking up from a bad dream and realizing that the sun is still going to come up in the morning.

"So, does this mean you will go with your cousin?" Ms. O'Dell asked perplexedly.

I nodded. "Yes," I said through laughter and tears.

"Then go pack up your things."

I exited the room.

"Lex?" Kat asked.

"My cousin is taking me with him."

She stared at me, stunned. Something in her eyes faded. "Great," She said putting on a hasty smile, "really good…for you."

"Thanks," I said softly.

"I'll help you pack," she said not sounding like herself at all.

"Thanks," I said again.

Kat and I shared a room along with two thirteen year old girls. They were sitting on their beds when we entered, apparently having a heated discussion about who had a cuter butt, Billy or Ryan. "YOU TWO, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Kat yelled at them with unnecessary force. They ran from the room screaming.

"Kat," I started.

"Lex, I know what you are going to say, I will be fine." She assured me, but I didn't believe her. "Come on, let's get you packed." And without further a due, we were unceremoniously stuffing my belongings into my trunk and backpack. Before long we were finished and Kat said. "Lex, would you mind if I said good-bye up here."

"No," I said, "I don't mind. Kat, I want to give you something." I rummaged around in my trunk and when I resurfaced I was holding a small bundle of cash. Her eyes widened. "This is for you." I handed it to her.

"Lex, I couldn't," she said as she was holding the money.

I laughed. "Yeah, you could," I told her. "It is for those big plans you have." She was speechless. "Oh, and this too." I slowly took off my scarf and wound it around her neck.

"I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll miss you," I told her. "Good luck," I said as I hugged her.

"Bye," she said.

I nodded and left the room, dragging my trunk behind me.

When I got to the downstairs landing, Professor Snape was waiting for me. Now that the initial shock of seeing him had worn off I really got a good look at him. Apart from the fact that he was wearing muggle clothing, he looked different somehow. His face looked even more hollowed, his skin more pale and his eyes looked even colder than usual.

Without a single word he lifted my heavy trunk and left, expecting me to follow. "Bye," I said to no one in particular.

The professor lead me down a crowded street, not looking back to see if I was behind him, and not talking to me at all. I stared at his back thoughtfully. That must have been what Dumbledore meant, I kept telling myself. It must have been. It all fits. So does that mean Dumbledore knew that Professor Snape was going to kill him? Or maybe- unexpectedly Professor Snape turned into a deserted ally.

"So where are we going?" I asked him.

He put down my trunk and looked to see if anyone was around. "We," he started in a hurried whisper, "are going to my house. Then you are going to the Order of the Phoenix." I looked at him blankly. "The Order of the Phoenix," he explained fiercely, "is an anti-dark arts organization founded by Dumbledore." He glanced at me, waiting for me to say something.

"I can't stay with you?"

I could tell that that wasn't what he was expecting me to ask. "No," he said rather quickly.

"Oh," disappointment flooded through me. Wasn't it just about an hour ago that I hated him, I contemplated.

He stared at me. "What insanity must run throw your tiny mind." Professor Snape began harshly. "What in this world would ever make you begin to want to stay with me," he got really close to me face. "I am a proven murderer." He shouted the last word. A stray cat ran out from behind a dumpster.

I winced. "Because, I trust you," I said timidly.

"You trust me," he mocked.

I nodded.

He pushed me against the brick wall of a building, pinning me there by the shoulder, his wand pointed at my heart. "Do you still?" I was out of breath from the sudden attack. I stared into his eyes. Dumbledore's words repeated themselves in my head. 'Trust is a valuable thing.'

"I trust you," I said more confidently than before.

He snared revealing his yellowed teeth. "Well, don't," he released me. We glowered at each other. "We shouldn't stay here," he finally said looking over his shoulder. "Take my arm." I took it no questions asked.

I felt my stomach lurch as the curious sensation of apparition came over me. I felt as though I was being squeeze through a tube. Seconds later everything stopped. I let go of Professor Snape's arm. We were in a small sitting room with worn out, mismatch pieces of furniture. It was dimly lit and the walls were lined with dark colored leather-bound books, which made the dwelling even more depressing.

"He made you do it, didn't he?" I asked abruptly.

"What are you talking about?" Professor Snape asked with his back to me.

"Dumbledore asked you to…well you know. Didn't he?" I was worried about what he might say.

"Are you asking me if Dumbledore told me to kill him?" He said with roughly irony.

"Yes," I said.

"What gave you that impression," he asked.

"Just because of something he told me once."

He turned suddenly, his eyes were wild. "What exactly did he tell you?"

I smiled at him. "He told me to trust you, no matter what." Snape grimaced at the carpet. "So is it true, then?" I waited. He nodded slowly. I grinned. I knew you were good, I thought happily. "So why do I have to go to this Order thing" I asked conversationally.

He looked up from the ground, "the Order of the Phoenix," he corrected me.

"Yeah, the Order of the Phoenix," I said. "Why must I go there, Professor?"

The professor's face darkened. "Because," he said, "the Dark Lord is aware of your survival."

I felt a weight drop into my stomach. "How did he find out," I asked slowly, dreading the answer.

"I told him." Professor Snape said emotionlessly.

I closed my eyes, "On Dumbledore's orders?"

"Yes," He says in the same dead tone. "I will take you to the Order tomorrow. The Dark Lord is not expecting you for another two days." He paused. "The Order will protect you."

"What about you?" I said. "Who will protect you? When you don't bring me to him, what will happen?" sudden fear and panic rushed over me, but it was not for myself.

He considered me. "If you are not at the orphanage when I come to fetch you, it will not be my fault."

My eyes widened, "But he will still be angry."

Professor Snape nodded.

"Don't take me to the Order," I whispered.

I swear Professor Snape's eyes flashed red. "Do you understand that he will kill you?" He shouted.

"Yes."

"Do you really believe that I would sacrifice your life to…" he trailed off angrily? "I am no such coward."

"I know you're not," I said indignantly. On the contrary I thought he was the bravest man I had ever met in my life.

"You are going to the Order of the Phoenix, tomorrow," he said conclusively. I had no chance of winning this argument, so I just didn't retort. "Come," he finally said bitterly, "I will show you were you will be sleeping." He pointed his wand at my trunk and it levitated a foot off the ground. It began floating up the stairs; the professor and I followed.

The stairs brought us to a narrow hallway, dark and eerie. There were three doors lining the grey wall in front of us. Professor Snape chose the on farthest to the right and my trunk flew in after him.

I stepped slowly through the threshold. The room like the hall before it had miserable grey colored walls. The room had tiny windows, giving the impression of a prison cell. A thick layer of dust covered the hardwood floor, leaving my foot prints with every step. I didn't think Professor Snape had entered this room for years.

However there were signs that someone had at one time resided here. The small bed in the middle of the room was unkempt, and if it wasn't for the layer of dust, it would have been as if someone had just slept in it. A wardrobe sat with its drawers half opened. An old teddy bear lay dead like in one corner of the room and a broken train set was piled beside it. Then my eye caught something green and silver. Over the bed was a faded Slytherin banner.

I turned to look at Professor Snape. "This was your room when you were little, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was," He told me in a tone that clearly said you ask too many questions. He turned around and left.

"Professor," I said as I grabbed my purple backpack and followed him downstairs.

"What," he asked with pure irritation. I sat on his moth-eaten sofa. He sat in the chair farthest away from me. I started digging in my bag.

"I wanted to show you this," I said holding up a tattered old photo album.

"Why?"

"Just humor me for one minute and look at it," I said pertinently. He took it for me. After scanning the first page he glanced at me with raised eyebrows. "It is our dads when they were young."

"I have no desire to look at this," Professor Snape said, handing the book back to me.

I stared down at the first picture. Two black haired youths smiled falsely at the camera. They stayed stationary, for they were muggles. The older of the Two, Tobias, towered over his younger brother, who was only three to his eighteen. I guessed that Professor Snape took after his mother. Even though, he did inherit the unfortunate Snape family nose, he looked little like his father.

"I am sorry about your dad," I tell him softly.

His eyes flashed angrily, but he said nothing.

"Did you not get along with Tobias?" I asked curiously.

He ignored my question.

"Well in all fairness, my dad, didn't like him much either," I said, taking his silence and look of disgust, as a definite 'yes'. "But apparently they had more in common than they thought," I continued trying to keep the conversation going, no matter how uncomfortable it was. "They both married witches. Well I just assumed that your mother was a witch because if you were a muggle-born Lord Voldemort wouldn't let you be a…" I trailed off awkwardly. "What was Aunt Eileen like?"

"If you don't mind, I would like to drop the subject." The professor said contemptuously.

"I don't mind," I said uncomfortably. Professor Snape crossed his arms and looked around the room, for no purpose but to avoid my gaze. "So..." He rolled his eyes. "What do you like to do when you are not…" I trailed off again?

"When I'm not killing people," he finished my sentence with sharp sarcasm.

"I was going to say teaching," I felt my face get hot.

"Don't take this personally," he told me in a tone that highly suggested I should absolutely be taking this personally. He continued, "but I do not wish to share personal facts about myself with anyone, especially not with you. I also don't want to sit here making painful conversation."

"Is Draco Malfoy alright?" I asked bluntly.

"Why do you ask?" Professor Snape said bitterly.

"Well, he's a Deatheater," I stated. "I just was wondering if he is, you know, okay."

"He's alive if that's what you mean," said Professor Snape ruthlessly.

"I'm not sure what I mean." I said trying to make sense of my asking; I knew that I shouldn't care. I felt the professor's eyes on me, but I didn't meet them. "So all those things, I mean, Katie Bell being cursed, Ron Weasley getting poisoned and Deatheater getting into the school, that was all him?"

"Yes." Professor Snape held out the short word, making it sting more.

"He was trying to kill Dumbledore all year?" It was not exactly a question; it was more me thinking out loud, trying to convince myself not to like Draco so much.

"Yes," Professor Snape hissed venomously.

"But he couldn't do it," I said.

"No, he could not," the professor said, scowling. I thought I heard a hint of resentment in his tone, but I couldn't be sure.

"Draco is not evil," I said confidently, more to myself than the professor. "He is not the Deatheater type."

"Draco made his own choices," Professor Snape told me harshly.

"But his dad is a Deatheater, maybe that had something to do with it," I defended.

"Yes, Draco was in a bad situation, but there are always other ways." Professor Snape said unsympathetically. He paused and thought about what I had previously said. "Out of mild curiosity," he began bitterly, after the short silence. "What exactly is the Deatheater type?" he quoted.

"I don't know, not Draco Malfoy." I looked up at him, "and not you either."

He scowled.

"You're not," I promised him. He didn't say anything. "Professor," I asked?

"Yes."

"Why, do you do this?"

"Do what," he asked roughly.

"Well, you're not a true Deatheater; we've established that, right?" I took his silence as a 'yes'. "Then why do you do this, pretend, I mean?"

"On Dumbledore's orders," was his answer, his tone was cold and detached.

"But why?" I asked. "Why do you still follow his orders, what do you possibly do for him? He is dead."

He stood abruptly. "Why I do things and who I do them for is none of your business!" he yelled his cold eyes suddenly hot with rage.

I stood too. "But I trust you and I want to know why. I need a good reason."

"I owe you no explanations!" He shouted. "I personally couldn't care less if you trusted me or not, in fact you probably shouldn't."

"Well I do!" I shouted as I stormed off. He is so frustrating. Why can't he just tell me…anything?

I plopped down on the old bed and dust flew around me as a result. What is he so desperate to hide? I throw the pillow against the wall as hard as I could. Wow that accomplished a lot, I thought sarcastically as I got up to retrieve it.

When I bent to pick up the pillow, I notice a folded piece of paper, which must have fallen out of the pillowcase. I could tell by the yellowness of the page that it was many years old. I slowly unfolded the paper.

It was a drawing, probably done by a younger child or very unskilled adult. The picture portrayed two children, a boy with shoulder length black hair and a girl with long red hair. It was obvious that the artist had taken more time illustrating the features of the red headed girl than the boy. Her little crayoned face was so carefully drawn from her big green eyes to every freckle. Both children held up wands, smiling. The caption at the bottom read, in tiny neat letters, Severus and Lily.

"So, you are capable of love," I said quietly to myself as I ran a finger over the little Professor Snape in the drawing.

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