Saying goodbye

Chapter 4

Later, you and Sans lay in the bed together, facing each other in the dark. Only you were sleeping. He watched you sleep, afraid to wake you. He remembered the things that had blurred in your own mind. Days where pain was the only thing that you could feel, and nobody could understand you through the haze that it put over your mind. Those were the days that were the hardest on everybody, but you never knew how hard it had been on him.

…...

Sans paced in the living room of the apartment you shared, trying to keep quiet as he called his brother to tell him that he was going to have to cancel the plans that they had made. You were in no condition to have company, much less go out to dinner. He knew Papyrus and the others would be upset, but he knew that they would understand. He just had to find the best way to tell them, without actually telling them how bad it was today.

He glanced quickly toward the bedroom when he heard you groan. He knew he would not have long before you woke up and the screaming would start again. He was so tired, so godawful tired...

Another groan sounded and began to build up in volume. Dropping the phone, he hurried into the bedroom and looked in. He watched as you tried to sit up, only to cry out and fall back onto the pillows and sob before trying again. You caught sight of him and shouted, spit flying out of your mouth as you raged against the pain that was wracking you.

"The fuck are you staring at?!"

He knew you were not the one talking.

"-Can't fucking move without-"

This isn't you.

"You useless fucker, why are you not helping me?!"

You don't mean the things you say when this happens...

He hurried over to you and tried to help you shift into a better position, only to be screamed at and cursed as the slightest motion brought you into new waves of pain that no amount of morphine or haldol could touch. The gutteral noises that you made did not deter him. He continued to move you as gently as possible until you were in a mostly upright position, then arranged the blanket around your hips, moving out of the way when your hands, once long and tapering but now reduced to boney claws, swiped at him.

"Please, sweetheart, you have to be still. Be still so you can get some rest... Come on, you haven't slept at all, just... Just sleep, please?"

With the ease of practice, he lifted a bucket under your chin as your color went grey. He held your shoulders as you vomited your agony. He listened to your whine as your bowels let go in a liquid gush and did not say a word as you cursed more and continued to dry heave. He talked quietly as he cleaned you, trying to soothe and calm you from your pain and embarassment, though he knew you would not remember this tomorrow. He knew you hated the loss of dignity that came with this, and you would never forgive yourself the sleepless days and added responsibility that you placed on him and the others...

But he did not mind. The words you said hurt, they always did, but he also knew that when you were like this, you couldn't be blamed. He just had to make sure-

There was a knock on the door.

Sans jumped at the sound and quickly bundled up the dirty sheets and clothes before throwing them into the hamper. He would wash them shortly. With a glance your way as he walked out of the room, sleep overcoming you again as your painkiller cocktail took effect. The knock came again and he teleported to the door, opening it carefully and sticking his head out.

There, in the bright June sunshine, stood Papyrus, Alphys and Undyne. Oh good lord, he had forgotten to call them...

"BROTH-"

"Shh!"

Sans stepped out the door and closed it quickly, praying that you had not heard Papyrus. He held his breath and listened for a moment before turning to the others, a guilty look on his face as he took in the nice clothes and the oversized bag that Alphys carried. Inside he knew she had stashed candies of every flavor and variety, as was tradition for going to a theatre after you had introduced her to what you called "Movie Smuggling"

"I-is everything a-alright, Sans?"

He ran his hand over his face, tapping the ends of his fingers against his teeth. The sound of bone tapping on bone sounded for a few seconds before he answered.

"Sure, Alphys. I was going to call you guys. Today, ah-"

He winced when he heard the screaming start again. Why could you not sleep, just for an hour? He covered his face with his hands and waited for the questions. Undyne looked at the door, her brow furrowed. Alphys' hands twisted the straps of her bag and she tried to look anywhere but Sans and the door. Papyrus covered his mouth and reached for his brother.

"Sans, is everything alright? What is going on?"

Sans sighed and answered in a mumble.

"She's hurting, Paps. She's hurting so bad, and there is nothing I can do about it..."

They stood in silence for a few moments before he turned back to the door, pausing as he opened it to smile over his shoulder at the company.

"Maybe we can do this another day. I will call you later, Paps, if she falls asleep for more than a few minutes."

"WHY WON'T YOU CUNTS JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE?!"

All four winced and Sans felt his smile falter as he quickly stepped inside and shut the door. He had not wanted them to hear you when you were like this... You didn't want it either... He knew they would rearrange going to the movie and dinner, but they would not be able to forget your words, and they had not even heard the other vitriol you spewed when in the clutches of your pain...

Tomorrow would be better, right?