Chapter 23

Two Scars

August 15, 1997

Evil was inside me; that evil pain that scratched at my insides. Flames burned me from beneath my skin blistering my intestines.

My body was not my own; it thrashed side to side and up and down violently. I wanted more than anything to take a breath of air, but I had no say in the matter. The pain was ripping at my flesh; my heart felt as though it would explode and then nothing.

I could fill my lungs again. I was shaking uncontrollable, but besides that my body was again my own. I opened my eyes.

I was looking up at the dreary grey ceiling of Professor Snape's sitting room and lying on its hard wooden floor. A moment later the professor was standing over me.

"You are awake I see," said Professor Snape scowling down at me, pitilessly.

"Professor," I said breathily. I struggled to sit up.

"Lie down," Professor Snape ordered me.

I sat up anyway. My whole body ached from it constantly hitting the hard floor and my chest was throbbing. I looked down.

There was a rust colored, spot of dried up blood on the front of my shirt, right over my heart.

I pulled on the neckline of my shirt and peered under it. There was a thin, yet deep cut just above my left breast and it was the distinct shape of a lightning bolt.

"I stopped the bleeding," said the professor absently, "but I could not remove the scar."

"Professor?" I asked, looking up and him. My brain was so foggy.

He did not meet my eyes, but his gaze fell upon a spot on my left arm.

I could feel it now. I knew it was there even before I looked. The skin on my forearm felt tight and stung like it would after a burn from a stove.

My eyes slid over to my left and on the under skin of my forearm there was an inky black defacement that I would never get rid of. I have been marked as a servant of Lord Voldemort. I was branded with the Dark Mark.

I let out a whimpering sob and buried my face in my hands. I felt so unclean, like my very soul had been blackened.

With red eyes I looked up at the professor; he had his back to me. I fell forward and sobbed at his feet. "I want to die!" I screamed.

Professor Snape turned on the spot, the swish of his robes rushing across my face. He grabbed me from under my arms and pulled me into a standing position. I had no will to stand; my legs gave away from under me. The professor caught me before I hit the ground. He held me by the shoulders supporting my weight.

"Do not let me ever hear those words from your lips again," hissed Professor Snape.

I cried openly and loudly at his words.

"You brought this upon yourself," spat the professor.

A shriek escaped my lips. "I did not ask for this!" I managed to say.

"You did," contradicted Professor Snape harshly. "You made the choice to reveal yourself to Draco Malfoy after I specifically told you to hide." He let go of me and let me fall.

I hit the ground hard. I cried in agony, hugging my knees to my chest. "NO!" I screamed. "I never wanted this! He was supposed to kill me. Why did he do this to me? I will not do anything for him!"

Professor Snape knelt beside me. "You are smart, are you not?" hissed the professor in my ear.

I nodded through tears.

"Well then," said Professor Snape. "Did it ever occur to your brilliant little mind that I could have modified Draco's memory, make him forget you were in the house."

I nodded again. "It did occur to me," I sobbed.

Professor Snape stood up. "Then, why did you disobey me?"

"He would have been angry with you and with Draco if you failed to bring me to him. He would have hurt you!" I paused. "He already destroyed my parents and my little sister," I said angrily, tears still spilling from my eyes. "And I would rather die a hundred agonizing deaths than let him lay a finger on you."

"I am not a coward, nor am I weak!" shouted Professor Snape. "I do not need your protection."

I stood and wiped my eyes heatedly. "This has nothing to do with you needing my protection; this has to do with me needing you!"

Professor Snape scowled at me. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked indignantly. He knew exactly what I meant.

"I LOVE YOU!" I shouted at him, "and don't tell me that I don't."

"Then you are a fool," he spat.

"Your right, because only a fool would love you," I said cruelly. "You're a complete ass!"

"Are you just realizing that now," said Professor Snape mockingly. "Anyone could tell you within five minutes of meeting me that I am an arse."

"Severus," I said softly.

"What?" he asked impatiently.

"I'm scared," I confessed. "I don't want to have to kill anyone; I don't want to be responsible for breaking up a family. I can't be a Deatheater."

He scowled at me revealing his yellowed teeth. "We all have to live with the consequences of our own actions," said Professor Snape bitterly.

I began to sob again. "I was ready to die," I wept. "It wouldn't have been bad; it would have been a relief." The professor's face softened slightly and he took a few steps forward.

"Alex," Severus said softly, in a tone that I did not recognize in his voice.

"Yes," I answered.

He immediately stole back his old demeanor, remembering to be a douche bag again. "You have no choice but to do as The Dark Lord wishes," he told me roughly. "You put yourself into this situation and you have to live with your consequences."

I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him and cried into his chest. He lifted my chin so that I was looking him in the face. His features were blurred from my salty tears.

"It is important from this moment on that you do exactly as I say," he told me. "Have I made myself plain?"

I nodded.

"You must make The Dark Lord believe that you have truly joined him," said Professor Snape. "You will be severely sorry if you do not obey Him."

"I know only too well what happens!" I cried. "Oh Severus!" I buried my face in his chest again. "I wish I were dead," I explained into his robes.

He loosed my hold on him and pushed me away softly. "And what good would you be to anybody if you were dead." said Severus as he left the room, turning out the lights with his wand as he went.

I stood alone in the dark, contemplating what he had told me. In retrospect it would seem that I was a lost cause, but maybe I wasn't, maybe I could still be good. After all, Severus was.

Dear Readers,

Thank you for reading this far. I would really like to hear some of your ideas for the story. Are there any characters you would like to see more of or is there a character you think I should add in my story that I haven't already. I have most of my story planned out, but I really want to make it more enjoyable for you...so if you have anything you would like me to write about I will take your ideas to heart and see if they will fit in the storyline. I greatly value your opinion.

Thanks again

**Thora Jane**