Chapter 24

Because I Was His

August 16, 1997

A sweat broke across my forehead and my fingers balled into fists as I slept. I tossed in the little bed and the old springs creaked.

I finally awoke with a start as I realized what was wrong. My left arm stung; the skin felt as though it was burning. I pulled up the sleeve on my night shirt to see the Dark Mark writhing and darker than before. In a moment of panic I called out.

"Severus!" I yelled, getting to my feet. "Severus!"

Without further ado, he strode into the room.

I held out my arm to him showing him the Dark Mark, as if I was a child showing him my boo-boo, hoping he would kiss it better.

"Put that away," the professor told me.

I let my sleeve fall over the infection and then stared wide-eyed at Professor Snape, waiting for farther instructions.

"Get dressed, quickly now," he ordered. "We must leave immediately."

I reached for a pair of jeans on the floor.

"Do you not have any robes?" the professor asked hurriedly.

I shook my head. "Just my school robes," I told him.

"They will have to do," he said indignantly. "Hurry!" he said, leaving the room in a swish of cloak.

I hastily fumbled through my belongings looking for my robes, which were buried at the bottom of my trunk.

Once I was dressed, I rushed down the stairs to meet Severus. My mind told me to be quick and not keep the Dark Lord waiting, but my body fought to take its time.

Severus was waiting for me in the sitting room. I reached for his arm for side along apparition, but he pulled it away.

"You know how to get there, I presume," said the professor.

I nodded. I did know. I was just wanted his arm for comfort.

With that, Professor Snape disapparate in a swish of black robes. A moment later I followed.

When my feet were firmly on the ground and my head stopped spinning, my surroundings became clear. I was once again on the front doorstep of Malfoy Manor.

Severus was nowhere in sight. He did not wait for me. This time I would enter this house of deatheaters alone and as their fellow.

I knocked on the door softly, half hoping that there would be no answer, but there was.

The door was answered by a terrifying looking deatheater, with gray matted hair and whiskers. His teeth were sharp and yellow, matching his long, dirty fingernails. His deatheater robes fit tightly over his large, hairy body.

I knew exactly who he was, although we had never met face to face; I recognized him from the wanted poster that hung all over the wizarding world. He was the man that appeared in parents' nightmares. He was Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf who specialized in children, changing them to get revenge on the parents, or eating them because he got carried away.

He looked rather surprised, but pleased to see me all the same. He smiled widely. I wondered how many throats those sharp teeth had ripped out.

"Naughty, Naughty," he said in a bark-like voice. "You are late."

I made an attempt to cross the threshold, but he put his arm out to block my way.

"What a naughty little girl you are," he said disgustingly in my face. His breath was rancid, thick with the rusty scent of blood.

"Let me through," I pleaded.

"You smell delicious," he said.

"Let me through!" I said loudly.

"I will," Greyback said, "but first you must give me a little bit."

He grabbed me by the shoulder. I struggled against him, kicking and flailing, but he was just too strong.

"Let me go!" I shouted.

"Don't worry it will be quick and painful," he whispered in my ear. I felt his hot breath on the side of my neck and then his searing, wet tongue.

I let out a piercing scream.

Suddenly he released me and I fell to the ground. He had been thrown to the side. I stood and walked through the mansion door.

Severus stood in the doorway of the room at the end of the hall, his wand pointed at the werewolf.

"Get inside," he ordered me, gesturing to the room he just came out of.

Once I was inside, he closed the door, shutting Greyback out.

As I looked around the room I wondered if being in there was much better that being back with the hungry werewolf.

The deatheaters lined the walls, circling Lord Voldemort and I had walked right into the midst of the group.

The Dark Lord had obviously been speaking to his deatheaters about something very important, of a diabolical nature I assumed, but I had so rudely interrupted him with my cries for help and now the whole room was silent and every eye was on me. Not the best impression to make on my first day on the job.

The Dark Lord's red eyes contemplated me curiously. I could not even guess if he was angry or amused.

In an act of desperation, I throw myself at Voldemort's feet. I have to convince him that I was truly a devoted deatheater. I didn't know why I had to do this, but Severus told me I should. That was the only reason I was able to bring myself to kneel in Lord Voldemort's presents, Severus. If I did not have an alternative motive I am sure I would have been begging for death rather than for forgiveness.

"Please excuse my lateness, My Lord," I said before kissing the hem of his robes. It might have seemed a bit of an over kill, but The Dark Lord certainly did not think so. He let out a shrill, cold chuckle. "It will not happen again, I swear it."

I felt sleazy and pathetic, so that is how I knew I was doing it right.

"Stand up, Alexandra," Voldemort told me softly.

I almost forgot myself and opened my mouth to correct him on my name, but then realized that it would probably be better to let his mistake slide.

I stood and was forced to gaze upon the horrible snake-like face in front of me. It was a face that I hated with all my being and to look into it with a forced expression of love and admiration seemed to kill a small part of me that I never know I had, but would sorely miss.

I kept hearing Professor Snape's words from what seemed to be lifetimes ago, "feel nothing." I mustn't give away my true position. "Feel nothing," the words rang.

Lord Voldemort reached out a cold, white hand and stroked my cheek tenderly. If I had closed my eyes I would have forgotten who was touching me, for such a gentle touch did not seem to fix the man who stood in front of me.

"I am a merciful Lord," hissed Voldemort smoothly in my ear. "I can forgive your little mistake this once." He held out the word once on a long hiss implying that next time I screwed up I would have to pay.

"Thank you, My Lord," I said breathily. I bowed my head to give the appearance of being respectful, but in truth I was just trying to look away from his horrible face.

"What a change," hissed Lord Voldemort as he circled me like a hungry animal waiting for its prey. "Before I had taken you to be reluctant and disobedient, but now," his voice grew louder. "What a change."

I knelt on the ground again, my head still bowed to avoid Voldemort's eyes.

"I was foolish in the past," I said, my words emotionless, a skill I had picked up from Severus. "Now I know where my true loyalties lie."

There was a long silence; then finally someone spoke. "Words," shrieked a women's voice. I knew that voice. The last time I had heard it, it has shouted the most unforgiving words a person could ever utter, Avada Kedavra.

I looked up to see the expected face of Bellatrix Lestrange. Her long black hair and heavy-lidded eyes had been haunting my sleep for too long. She was the only deatheater who stood out in my memory, except perhaps the serious leader, but even he was a blur. No, Bellatrix Lestrange is who I remember and will never stop remembering. She killed them; I am sure of it. Out of all the deatheaters there that night, I bet that she is the one who put an end to them. It must have been her.

"Words!" she shrieked again, "just meaningless words."

I stood and in a rush of tangled black hair Bellatrix took my place at Voldemort's feet, but unlike me she gazed up, looking deep into his eyes with such love and awe. "My Lord, I advise you not to listen to the empty words of this little trader. Do not take her seriously, especially considering who she is related to." She turned to glare at Severus and he, unaffected, just gazed coolly back.

"Enough, Bella," said Lord Voldemort conclusively. Bellatrix did not protest; his words were final and the laws in which she religiously lived by. "Alexandra," said The Dark Lord focusing on me once again. His red eyes poured into my blue ones. My insides coiled. He was trying to use legilimency against me, I could feel it. I could feel his powers reaching for my thoughts but never touching them. I saw the frustration and anger bubbling within him. He did not know what I was thinking and that scared him.

I blinked and the connection was broken.

"My Lord," I said emotionlessly. "My power and my service are completely at your disposal."

"But how do I know to trust you?" Voldemort asked me. "Why should I not just kill you right now?"

I had to think about this for a moment. Why shouldn't Voldemort kill me, right now? The question almost reminded me of one I received while interviewing for a job at the local grocery store when I was sixteen, "Why should I give you a job at Smile-mart, today." I believe I said, "Because I am nice and smart and friendly," but I didn't think that that was the answer that Lord Voldemort was looking for and anyway I didn't even get that job at Smile-mart.

"I will be useful to you," I finally said, not really convincing anyone. I thought a moment longer. "I want to be here," I lied, trying to fill my mind with thoughts of Severus. Severus told me to do this. He must want me alive.

"You want to be here," repeated Voldemort.

"Yes," I lied again. "I want to learn to use my power in a way that only you can teach me." I tried to look as lovingly into Voldemort's eyes as Bellatrix did, but it was impossible and I had to look down again. "Teach me, My Lord. Teach me and let me serve you."

"My Deatheaters killed you family, Alexandra," Voldemort hissed in my ear.

I knew what he was trying to do. I looked him in the face. "Good," I said as part of my heart went numb. "Good," I said again. "They were holding me back, I didn't realize it before, but I do now."

"Words indeed," said Voldemort. "But, are they true?"

"Yes," I assured him.

"If you were in my position, Alexandra," said The Dark Lord, "what would you do?" I kept silent for the question was rhetorical. "How can I trust someone who is so silent." He was referring to my mind. "It might be easier to just kill you right now." To kill me or not to kill me, Voldemort pondered this as if trying to decide between chicken and fish as his choice of meals at a wedding. "If I killed you it would be such a waste of power."

"Whatever you decide, My Lord, I shall face it willingly," I told him softly.

Voldemort let out a sharp, high pitched laugh, which made my ears scream in protest. "If only I had a way to know your soul, Alexandra Snape." He suddenly became quiet and thoughtful. Everyone in the room was scared to breath.

I began to scan the room of deatheaters. They were all just nameless dark figures, until my eyes found Draco Malfoy. He looked at me too. His scared, grey eyes locked into mind and for a few blissful moments we were back at Hogwarts. We were back in the hospital wing together and then under the tree by the lake. I wondered if he was thinking of those things too. Just as that thought crossed my mind I got my answer.

Lord Voldemort's head snapped towards Draco and he laughed a soulless laugh, so humorless, dry and cold.

Lord Voldemort, one of the best legilimens ever known to wizard kind, could not hear my thoughts, but he could hear Draco's.

"Draco," said Voldemort through a horrible smile. Draco was frozen with terror. "I desire your assistance. Help me find out where Alexandra's loyalties lie."

Draco hesitated.

"Do not be frightened, Draco," said The Dark Lord in a disgustingly, soft tone, giving Draco ever reason to frightened.

Draco walked over to me. I wanted to grab his hand, but knew that that would be a mistake.

"Take out your wand," ordered Lord Voldemort.

I reached into my robes for my wand.

"Not you, Draco," said Voldemort in a hiss. I looked to the side to see that Draco had his wand in hand and I watched as he nervously stowed it back into his robes. "Alexandra," Voldemort approached me, stroking my hair tenderly. "Would you do anything for me?" he asked

"Yes, My Lord." I answered softly, looking down.

"Look into my eyes, Alexandra Snape!" ordered Lord Voldemort fiercely.

I looked deeply into his eyes, sickened by what I saw. It was not the red of his eyes that frightened me; It was the emptiness that lied behind them.

"Now, tell me, would you do anything for me?" The Dark Lord asked again.

Is he going to make me kill, Draco, I thought as I looked into the soulless pits that were his eyes. How far was I going to go to be with Severus? How much did I really love him anyway? "Yes," I assured Lord Voldemort. "I will do anything for you."

"You said that you wanted to learn from me," he paused, "now, this is your first lesson." He backed away from me. "Draco did not complete the task I assigned him last year. However, Mr. Malfoy was very fortunate that his job was finished for him." Voldemort's red eyes glanced over at Professor Snape once more. I knew he was referring to Professor Dumbledore's murder. Even though I knew that it was on Dumbledore's orders, the thought of Severus casting the fatal curse still made my stomach churn. Who else had he killed? "Draco needs to learn what happens to those fail Lord Voldemort," said Voldemort loudly.

I heard a muffled sob behind me. I turned to see a thin, blonde Deatheater burying her face into the shoulder of the man beside her. This man was tall and blonde like the woman, his expression was stern, although, his eyes seemed to be on the verge of tears. They were Draco's parents.

"Narcissa," said Voldemort to the women. "Draco brought this upon himself; he must learn." The women let out a most anguished sob and began to sway on the spot as if she was about to faint. Her husband wrapped his arms around her to support her weight. They were helpless, unable to do a thing for their beloved son. They could only watch and hope.

"Alexandra, you said you would do my will. I want you to teach young Draco. I want you to make him never forget his lesson," Voldemort told me.

"The Cruciatus Curse?" I asked, unsure of my orders.

"Yes," hissed The Dark Lord.

At first I almost felt relieved; I thought I was going to have to kill Draco, but as I raised my wand to Draco my heart filled with burned within me. Draco was staring at me, his grey eyes wide with fear, anticipating the terrible pain that is about to overtake him. My ears began to ring with Sidney's screams as Bellatrix Lestrange used the same curse on her that was about to be inflicted upon Draco. I opened my mouth to say the evil word, but my throat was too dry to make a sound.

"You know the spell," said Voldemort impatiently.

"Yes, My Lord," I said softly, not taking my eyes off Draco.

"Then do it; do it now!" yelled Voldemort.

"Crucio!" I yelled. My arm shook as the force of the curse shot from my wand. Draco fell to the ground and began to twitch uncontrollable. I knew I was not doing it right; he should have been in more pain.

"More!" shrieked Lord Voldemort. "You have to mean it. Give him more."

"Crucio!" I shouted again. This time Draco let out an agonizing scream that echoed through the entire house. He flailed and tossed on the floor. I could hear is mother's cries behind me.

Voldemort laughed, adding to the sounds of Draco's screams and his mother's cries. Voldemort laughed, because I was his.

I thought it was about time for a long chapter. What did you think? Please Review.