Chapter 3

The hospital was boring as always. Juuzou had sat on the bed as the doctors checked her over, playing absentmindedly with the drip they had stuck in her arm. watched worriedly from the corner, his hands in his pockets, the picture of a worried father.

"And how did this happen again?" One of the nurses asked, making amazingly quick notes on her clipboard. Juuzou sent a look before answering.

"I was in a fight." She answered cautiously, going back to picking at the needle in her arm. The nurse sighed, crossing her arms.

"A fight?" She sounded doubtful, her clipped tone icy. Juuzou nodded, her hair falling into her eyes. coughed from the corner, urging her to explain.

"A fight... With a few ghouls." She expanded, her tone light and distant. The room went still, the doctor tending to her gash freezing.

"Ghouls? You're telling me you were attacked by ghouls and that is the only mark you got? Or are you hiding more?" The nurse was the first to recover, though she still sounded doubtful. Juuzou sighed, meeting the woman's sharp glare head in.

"I'm an investigator, and I attacked them."

groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. This would mean an even larger check up and a longer visit than they had planned. The nurse looked to for confirmation, who nodded.

"Alright then, well then you must know what this means." She turned, heading out of the room, not leaving Juuzou time to reply. The doctor continued, finishing up his work before heading out to meet the nurse. That left the two investigators alone.

"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine." Juuzou broke the awkward silence, pulling her knees up to her chest. rolled his eyes, crossing to the crappy little classroom chair that had been pushed against the wall. He shrugged off his jacket and sat himself down, crossing one leg over the other, ankle to knee.

"I'm not leaving you here all on your own, Juuzou." The look he gave her said she was stupid for even suggesting he leave. She fell silent once again.

The nurse was right, she did know what was coming next. A doctor would come into the room and make her strip so they could inspect every inch of her body. They would stare at her scars in horror and frown at her small size. They would ask her awkward questions and be displeased with her answers. Then they would tick their useless fucking clipboard and leave her to pull herself together. She knew she didn't feel the same emotions as others. She bounced constantly between a state of indifference, curiosity and excitement. She rarely felt angry or sad, and didn't really understand how people felt when they did. But she could understand embarrassment. Mama had made sure of that.

Juuzou wanted to go because she knew how he saw her. She was a damaged little girl to him, though he knew she was dangerous. He thought of her as the victim, and almost seemed to whiteout the hundreds of people she had killed. She hadn't had a filter when they found her. She'd told them in vivid detail what she did to those people. She'd told them about getting 'good girl points', and pleasing mama. had heard it all from her own mouth. But he'd never seen her in an emotionally compromised state. She had always been indifferent about things that would bother others, and most of the time her response was not what she was 'feeling' but what she knew was expected of her. It would be one of the first real emotions he would witness.

"Are you alright, Juuzou? Does anything hurt?" interrupted her thoughts, his dark eyes focused on her face. She must have been showing something other than passive acceptance. She nodded quickly, jumping down from the bed and grabbing her IV bag from the holder. The elder investigator frowned, puzzled.

"What are you doing?" He moved to stand, but she held out a halting hand.

"I got a trick I learned last time I was here, wanna see?" She grinned, pleased to have thought up a distraction. 's brows lifted, taking off a few years she had put on him.

"What kind of trick?" He knew her too well, but this was innocent, nothing illegal or too morally wrong going on.

"Just watch..." Her face suddenly fell, the dark circles under her eyes becoming even more prominent. She let her shoulders sag and her arms wrapped around her in a mixture of pain and upset. She looked very young and very vulnerable. She staggered into the hallway, her steps small and deliberate.

"Excuse me..." She stopped a passing nurse, reaching out with a shaking hand. The woman was instantly lending her a supporting hand, reaching for the girl with a compassionate glow in her light brown eyes.

"Yes, sweetheart? I'm not sure you should be out of bed, my dear, you don't look well." The woman started to lead her back into the room, her hand resting on her back. Juuzou paused, looking up at the nurse pitifully.

"But I wanted to get something to drink... I haven't eaten all day and my head is spinning." She blinked slowly, as if to show how distant her mind was becoming. The nurse frowned, giving the smaller girl a once over.

"Don't worry sweetie, I'll go and get you something... Just go and sit down, I won't be long." The nurse patted her pale cheek as Juuzou nodded, heading back into her room. stared at her with a mixture of disapproval and shock. She was a surprisingly good actress, and had nearly convinced him she was suffering.

"That's not a very good thing to do, Juuzou..." He started, but stopped as she rolled her eyes.

"Neither are most of the things I do, but at least they get me somewhere..." She mumbled, hanging up the IV and jumping up onto the bed, settling herself. It was in this moment that Shinohara took note, not for the first time, how strangely Juuzou sat. She always sat with her back straight as a board and her legs tightly together. She often say like that when she was tired or daydreaming. It was obvious it was a habit that had been drilled into her, considering she only did it in moments of miss-thought. She played with her hair, the shoulder length platinum locks curling at the ends as they often did. It was odd for him to see her in 'girl clothes'. Though she never denied her gender, Juuzou had a habit of hiding it. Weather that was thanks to her abusive upbringing or because of her own quirky nature, he wasn't sure.

"Juuzou," he called, catching her attention. Her ruby eyes shifted towards him, her stance changing almost immediately. Her legs relaxed and crossed, her back bending slightly. "I've had to report this to the office, so another investigator will be sent down to take your statement..."

Juuzou's pale face fell.

"But-" she had to get it together. She was emotionless, empty. She was a broken toy, so she refused to be embarrassed. What did it matter if another investigator showed up? Old Juuzou wouldn't have cared. Hell, academy Juuzou wouldn't have cared! She would have said fuck it and gotten on with her day. So why was she now so bothered? Because she got hurt? Because she was about to be humiliated in front of ? Or because another investigator would now know she was actually an under developed girl? She wasn't sure, but she had to make up her mind soon. The single hesitant word she had uttered had instantly gained her partners attention, his sharp dark eyes on her.

"What's wrong, Juuzou? I wouldn't have thought you would be bothered?" His tone was kind, his expression a mixture of surprise and worry.

'Yeah, Juuzou, what is wrong?' She asked herself. She wasn't sure. She didn't know how to process her own feelings and thoughts. Asking her what she felt was like asking a learner driver to park a fucking bus. She didn't know what to say, or how to comprehend her own thoughts. She groaned, throwing herself back on the bed and putting an arm over her eyes. This was so frustrating! She wished she hadn't been forced to learn how to be a human in moments like this, when it was so painfully obvious how behind she really was.

"I'm not... I can't..." She didn't know what he wanted her to say. She could lie and say she just didn't want to make a statement. She could say she was tired, and just wanted to be left alone. Or she could tell him the truth, whatever the hell that was.

"You can't what?" He stood, coming to stand beside her. She was so small, like a doll. She was so thin, her tiny wrists and ankles looking easily breakable. It was unbelievable the sheer strength that she could muster without even meaning to. He'd seen her break things accidentally in the office, like pencils and even a computer mouse. Small things, but it was hard to break them just my using them. Most had to set out to destroy them.

It was just as he moved to take her hand and pull her arm away from her face that the nurse returned. In her arms were a selection of cafeteria foods, including red jell-o. The woman took one look at the clearly distressed girl and ushered him out of her way, fluttering around her.

"Oh, sweetie, is it hurting? Do you want me to give you some medication?" She checked her vitals and must not have liked what she found, grabbing Juuzou's clipboard and taking quick notes.

Medication? Like pain killers? Juuzou didn't mind that idea. This woman didn't know she couldn't feel the gash in her side, so why would she know how she would react to the drugs. She wasn't allergic, so why would she? Having lived a life so substance-free, Juuzou had discovered she was highly susceptible to anything chemical. She could get paralytic from just one glass of wine, and got drowsy off of everyday pain killers. Anything the hospital gave her was sure to take the edge off. She stayed silent as the woman worked, checking her pulse, her breathing, all of it.

"Ok, honey. I'll go get you something, just one minute... Really, why they'd leave you without anything!" She left just as quickly as she had arrived, her gentle footsteps echoing in the quiet hallway. It was getting late, and this ward wasn't particularly busy.

"Juuzou, you don't feel pain, why are you-" Juuzou didn't want to talk right now. She wasn't sure what she was meant to say, so she wouldn't speak. Mama had taught her to only speak when spoken to, but she had since learned how old fashioned that was. So, if she could speak whenever she wanted, she could not speak whenever she wanted, too. She avoided his gaze as she turned on her side and curled into a ball, hiding.

"Juuzou..." He sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. She was a tricky girl to work with. No, woman. It was hard to remember how old she really was. She may look like a little girl, but she was a nineteen year old now, not a baby. She could do whatever she liked, though he may not approve. He had to remind himself he wasn't her father. Resigned, sat back down, his head in his hands. He was tired, but he wouldn't leave her. She could get up to all kinds of trouble on her own, so he would have to stay.

The nurse came back with a tray of medical stuff that neither investigator bothered to look at, giving the unnecessary medication to Juuzou with a gentle touch. She patted the girls cheek softly before leaving them once more, promising she would be just outside if she was needed. Juuzou nodded, faking a weak smile of thanks.

The room was silent, the awkward tension like a physical fog, thick enough to cut with a knife.

"I'm sorry." The mumble was so small he almost didn't hear it, but after looking up to the girl, he could tell it had been aimed at him. Shinohara saw her turn onto her other side, facing him. Her usually wide eyes were dazed, and there was a slight tremble to her lips. Juuzou was high as a kite, but not in a happy, sunny way. Instead, she looked on the brink of tears.

"What's wrong, Juuzou?" He was on his feet beside her in about two seconds flat. He had never seen her look anything close to sad before. Anger, happiness and indifference were the only emotions he had seen her directly display, so this was a first for him.

"I don't wanna have a check up." She whispered, like it was a huge secret. Nobody liked being inspected by a doctor, but everyone had to. It wasn't really a matter of choice.

"I know, but it won't last long." He assured her, but it seemed pointless. She shook her head, dislodging one of her many clips and causing some hair to fall into her face.

"But I don't like taking my clothes off..." The words hit him like a slap. He'd seen the file after she'd been rescued, seen the evidence photos. He knew she was covered in scars, each one evidence of a different kind of abuse. He felt like an idiot now, really looking at her. Who could come out of something like that and be untouchable? She was a vulnerable young woman, no matter how physically tough she was. She was the victim.

"Juuzou, I-"

"I don't wanna be the victim anymore." She cut in, as though she'd red his mind, looking up at him through clouded eyes. Her body had gone limp, her head resting heavily against her pillow. "But I'm not like the other girls... I'm too small, too damaged. Who's ever gonna take me seriously?"

She was talking to herself now, her gaze distant.

"It doesn't matter what I do, those are always gonna be my defining features; raised by ghouls and a weak little girl. But I'm not weak. A lot of investigators wouldn't have been able to take on three ghouls at once! But I can... I guess it's because I scare them. I kill too clean, ya know? It's too easy for me." She concluded, seeming to remember Shinohara's presence. He paused, looking her in the eye.

"Why do you think you scare them, Juuzou? Have they told you that?" He asked softly, pulling the chair closer to he could be eye level with her. She smiled, her hand waving around her airily.

"No, it's because I know too much, but not enough. I know about the ghouls. I know how to take them down just as well as a human. I know how they work and what they are capable of. But I'm broken... Just a broken toy..." She giggled sweetly, her eyes almost closing.

"What do you mean you're broken?" He tried to keep her focused, knowing the investigator would be there soon, but it was no use. Juuzou just rolled her eyes and snuggled in.

"I wanna be a real girl, !" She mumbled in a weak Pinocchio impersonation. She was asleep in seconds after that.

•••

Three days later, Juuzou was back at work. She had been forced to take a few days off to recover, and to be honest, after her nIght of being drugged out of her head, she needed it. The pain medication had given her weird dreams, and had left her feeling more tired the more sleep she got. So, for two days she had hidden out in her apartment, only eating when her belly hurt and only getting out of bed to pee. She had ended up giving the investigator a very vivid description of her destruction of the ghouls, as well as explaining the complexities of having a small build. Once they'd gotten her chatting, she couldn't stop. She'd even nearly told about how she had only liked him at first because he reminded her of the secret heroes from the few books mama had let her look at. She couldn't read back then, but the pictures had entertained her.

But, alas, she had to go back to work eventually. She still didn't look too well, and she wasn't exactly in the best of moods, but she would go. She met outside of the CCG building, her sluggish steps barely noted beside his large paces. He was silent as she joined him, staring off into the distance. It was rare for him to so obviously daydream, so she said nothing. She didn't want to interrupt his thoughts.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked finally as they sat across from each other, with his paperwork, Juuzou with a colouring book. She would do work when she was given it, not at home. This wasn't the academy.

"I'm tired, in groggy, but I'll be fine." She yawned, rubbing her eyes sleepily. nodded, signing papers and reading files with shocking speed. Juuzou was just doodling her own version of a lion when her mentor spoke up.

"I'm sorry I'm in a bit of a bad mood today, Juuzou. I got some bad news this morning." He put down his pen and covered his face with one large hand. Juuzou watched him, curious.

"An old friend of mine has been killed... His underling was quite upset."

Juuzou said nothing, knowing anything she said would make things worse. She couldn't understand how he felt. To her, death was nothing to concern yourself with. Unless it was your own death or you had caused it, it wasn't your problem. Let your mind stay with the living, that was her way of thinking.

"Do you want anything from the vending machine? I'm heading there now." Juuzou asked after a few minutes of silence. looked up, the dark circles under his eyes lightening slightly.

"Surprise me." Was all he said, and it was enough. Juuzou nodded, skipping out of the room in her usual floaty way. She would give him a bit of space, then carry on as usual. Just because someone dies, it doesn't mean life stops. So she wouldn't let his. He was her partner, her mentor. So she would keep him busy.

•••

"Young man, do you understand the severity of what you have done?" The police officer was standing over her, his arms crossed over his broad chest. He was a large man with a protruding stomach and a weak attempt at a moustache. Juuzou grinned, kicking her legs up to rest against the wall of her cell. Yes, she did understand, but she hadn't spoken yet, so why start now?

"You stole a car! That is horribly illegal! And not only that, you then crashed it." He waited for a response, but after a moment of being ignored, he spoke up again.

"I need you to tell me someone I can call to validate your identity. Do you have anyone?"

She did, an entire company actually, but she had left the first ward, where the main office stood, and snuck into the eleventh. She wasn't meant to go so far away on her own. had set that rule ages ago, and she usually followed it. But she'd been so bored...

"Look, do you want to spend the night in a cell or do you want to go home? Make up your mind." The office pushed, scowling. Juuzou sighed, finally looking him in the eye.

"Special investigator Kousuke Houji." It was the first name to pop into her head, and one she instantly regretted saying. She didn't want to look at Shinohara's disappointed face, but even that would be better than this level of abuse. Houji was an asshole.

"Alright then." The officer walked away to make the call, taking away her chance to change her mind. Maybe staying in a cell wouldn't be too bad...

She was a mess. She had been wearing a pair of blue jeans and a too big hoodie before she'd crashed the stolen car. Now both were ripped and slightly singed, black marks covering them. She knew there was soot covering her skin too, but that didn't bother her. On her feet were a pair of blocky army boots, one of the reasons she had crashed. Juuzou was actually a pretty good driver. She'd taken a few lessons here and there, and her teachers had always been impressed. The crash had been an accident, and she'd planned to take the car back... It had just been so pretty! It was a new model, one she hadn't seen before, and it looked so fast! She had been behind the wheel before she knew it. And she would have gotten away with it of some shitty learner hadn't pulled out in front of her at an awkward angle! This was her second fuckup in as many days.

"He's gonna fucking kill me..." She rolled over, hiding her head in her hands. She just wanted to go see something new, not get herself into trouble. But this was Juuzou, and she was always in trouble.

It was a while before Houji showed up, his usual pissed off demeanour intact. He sneered at the girl, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Well well... What have we here?" Juuzou groaned, picking herself up and crossing her arms.

"Houji." She smiled, looking past him. "Can I go home now?"

Houji shook his head, incredulously. He stepped closer to the bars, looking down at her.

"Juuzou, you're in big trouble." He hissed, ignoring the girls groan.

"And I'm sure you'll tell me all about it on the way home, but can we get rid of the bars? I really need to pee, and I'm not doing it in here." She looked at the small cell across, the large old man inside watching her closely. "I'm not sure I wanna give Bumi over there a show."

Grudgingly, she was released, handed her abused mobile and the change she had on her, then lead by Houji to his car. She wasn't expecting to be sat in the front seat.

"Oh shit..." She paused before climbing into the back seat, her hands landing in her lap. She was in trouble.

"Thank you, Houji." ignored her, nodding to his colleague and looking straight ahead.

Juuzou looked out of the window, waiting for one of them to start on her. Houji jumped in first as they pulled away from the station.

"You are supposed to be an investigator. Do you know how stunts like this make us look?" He steered steadily, showing his extensive experience.

"I mean, I understand the last incident, you thought you were under threat, but stealing and destroying a car?" He kept his tone tight and clipped, one Juuzou was familiar with. With mama, the only things that conveyed anger were shouting and violence. Now it was a sharp tone and a look. At least it didn't hurt anymore.

"The crash wasn't my fault." She defended weakly. This seemed to signal to cut in.

"But the theft? What, did you suddenly find yourself in the drivers seat? Or did you accidentally misplace the information that stealing not in wrong?" was not as composed. He looked furious, his dark eyes narrowed. Juuzou shrunk into herself.

"I thought they'd never know... I'm a good driver, it was an accident."

lost his temper. It was only for a second, but it was enough. He turned, scowling at his partner who was curled up in the back seat, and shouted.

"You're not a child, Juuzou! You're making me look like a fool!"

Juuzou froze, her bloody red eyes studying the large man looming over her. She wasn't afraid. She didn't know how to be afraid. No, she was angry.

"Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I earn enough good girl points?" She hissed, squaring up to him. paled instantly, backing down. Houji looked at them, shocked. Juuzou had shut him down in one whispered sentence.

"I-I-"

Juuzou kicked the back of Houji's seat, getting his attention.

"Pull over." She instructed. He looked back at her, his face the picture of disbelief.

"Who do you think you're talking to?" He cried, not even slowing down. Juuzou growled, leaning forward to look him in the eye through the rearview mirror.

"Pull over or I'll bite out your throat." Houji was shocked and intimidated, a mixture of feelings he had never thought to feel thanks to Juuzou Suzuya. He slowed down, pulling over and watching in utter disbelief as the girl kicked open her door and stormed out onto the street. It was pitch black and she was weaponless, but that didn't matter. She hadn't been joking when she threatened Houji, and she knew killing him would be satisfying as hell.

She walked quickly, her old habit of swaying her hips catching her in her moment of stress. Mama had insisted she walk like a proper lady, and it would happen when she wasn't paying attention. From the car, Houji and watched in stunned silence.

"What the hell was that?" Houji screamed after a moment, staring at his colleague. Shinohara watched as his subordinate sashayed around the corner into an alley, her anger clear in her tight shoulders.

"She quoted her mother at me... She called me a ghoul." He finally met the furious gaze of Houji, swallowing hard.

"What? And she? I thought Juuzou was a boy!" He wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't like it. No underlining should be able to totally shut down their mentor in one sentence!

"She likes it that way... Less expectation I think. It doesn't matter what a boy looks like or acts like, or at least that's what she was taught. She was raised by ghouls, Houji. Big Madame spent the beginning of her life torturing her, forcing her to kill humans in the ghoul restaurant, then torturing her some more. It's why she's so..."

"Damaged?" Houji filled in, brows raised. He wasn't sure what to think. Juuzou didn't look or act like a victim. She wasn't timid or skittish, and she wasn't afraid of ghouls. But then she wasn't normal. The fact he was thinking she was weird enough!

"She asked me if she hadn't earned enough good girl points. That's what Big Madame used to say to her." Shinohara dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his tired eyes. Things hadn't slowed down ever since Mado died. He'd been dealing with a distraught Amon, a misbehaving Juuzou and a fuckload of work. It had been a nightmare, and now he was taking it out on Juuzou. He knew how she thought. She only just understood human behaviour, and things like this were bound to happen. They could pay off the owner of the car and the police, and they could handle anything else. It was just so frustrating! She had the mind of a woman and the understanding of a child...

"Are we going to leave her? We're only just in the ninth ward." If he'd never been told about Juuzou's true gender, he wouldn't have cared, but she was a young girl out all alone with no weapons. She could get hurt.

"She'll be fine. She knows her way around, trust me." Shinohara sighed, looking up finally.

"Just go. I'll check on her in the morning."