Chapter 27

Lots of Love, Lily

(Same day)

Severus's moans grew louder and more anguished, confirming that he was in fact crying.

It this situation most people would have left quietly, before their presents was made known and never speak of what they saw to anyone ever, but not me. You know why, because I am stupid.

They say that curiosity killed the cat; I never quite understood what that meant. I mean, why should I care I didn't even own a cat.

I took a few steps toward my cousin, still unnoticed by him. My brain was working fast. What should I do? What should I say? Although in my stupidity I never even considered that I was invading upon Professor Snape's privacy or if I should run in the opposite direction while I still can.

I was right behind him now.

Tears rolled down his long, hooked nose onto a crinkled bit of old letter he was reading, blotting the ink.

I read over his shoulder:

could ever have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind's going, personally!

Lots of love,

Lily

It was the end of letter and the content made no sense without its other half; although, I did recognize the two names mentioned. Grindelwald, a dark wizard that Dumbledore defeated, everyone knew that, and Lily. My mind flashed back to the little bedroom at Spinner's End and the crayon drawing of little Severus and the pretty, redhead girl, Lily.

Severus set down the bit of the letter lovingly beside him and gazed down at a photograph in which he had also been holding.

The photo was of a toddler, with black hair and green eyes riding a small broomstick. There were also two adults in the portrait, who were obviously the toddler's parents. The little boy was, for the most part, his father in miniature, but he had his mother's eyes. His mother, a redhead beauty, stood laughing as her husband clumsily chased after their son.

I recognized this family. Pictures of them appeared in books and old newspapers with a following story that told the tale of the most famous of all Lord Voldemort's murders.

I finally worked up the courage to touch Severus's shoulder consolingly.

I pulled my hand away hastily as what seemed to be an electric shook emanated from Severus's body.

He stood quickly and faced me. He was breathing heavily, like an angry bull before it shish kebabs a matador with one of its huge sharp horns. Severus's eyes were burning red, like the flaming pits of hell as he stared down at me with the most hateful expression I had ever seen. He did not speak, but clenched his teeth together; I did not know if it was because he was trapping anguished cries behind his lips or maybe he was just resisting the urge to bite my head off.

"Lily Potter," I said timidly. "You were in love with Lily Potter."

Something seemed to die behind the professor's bloodshot eyes. No, that wasn't quite right; it was as if I was seeing the shadow of something that had died long ago.

"You are still in love with her," I said in bold realization.

Severus found his voice. "GET OUT!" he screamed. "GET OUT!"

"Severus, I-"

"GO!"

I clumsily spun on the spot. The last glimpse I had of Severus was of him falling to his knees as if his last "GO!" took all the strength he had left in him.

I was once again in the dreary sitting room at Spinner's End.

The room was completely silent except for this annoying dripping sound. I took me a long time before I realize that my thumb was bleeding and droplets of my blood were falling rapidly onto the hardwood floor. I was missing my fingernail; I had splinched myself.

I took out my wand. My body trembled as I repaired the damage to my thumb, but it was not because of the blood.

To me, Severus had always been so untouchable and unbreakable; to see him fall to the floor, a broken man frightened me beyond any amount of shouting. I felt completely powerless to help him for though he had proven himself breakable, he was still untouchable. My uselessness towards him and my burning desire to help began tugging at my insides and I broke down on the worn sofa, feeling defeated.

August 17, 1997

Severus apparated into a dead playground. Night had fallen and all the loud, little children who normally infested it during the day were fast asleep in their beds.

A tiny weight was in the pocket of Severus's robes, the end of the letter and a half of the old photograph, the half with Lily laughing. The little boy and his father were disregarded on the floor of the dingy, old house, but never forgotten.

The weight in his pocket could hardly tip a scale, but it was a heavy weight to Severus. The picture and the letter seemed to keep him grounded, like an anchor to a balloon. Most days Severus felt as though he would just blow away, but this new weight was a happy burden.

The swings creaked as the wind blew across the playground. Severus walked over to them. Once upon a time a little girl played on those swings. The first time Severus ever saw her, she was swinging. He was young, but he remembered thinking that she was the most beautiful creature that he had ever set eyes on. And to that day he had never met a woman that could compare to her beauty.

As she kicked off of the ground her long red hair was swept forward in a lovely mess around her face and then brushed back, flowing gracefully behind her. Her smile was like hope and her large, green eyes sparkled with delight as she swung ever higher, laughing for she could touch the sky.

When Severus was a young boy he would watch the girl from the shelter of the nearby shrubbery before he could actually work up the courage to speak to the angel.

Severus almost sat on one of the swings, but did not; they had become rusted over time and were only the sad remains of what they had been in there former life, a life with Lily. Never the less, he knew he would look quite ridiculous, a grown man, in wizard's robes, swinging.

It was nearly dawn now and Severus knew it was about time he went back to Spinner's End. Although, he was not ready to deal with that little brat asking questions and looking at him with inquisitor eyes or talking in general, but like when he was a child, dreading going home to his parents bickering, he did anyway. So he began walking back to Spinner's End.

Silently Severus unlocked his door and walked into his house.

The light of the rising sun slowly began to creep underneath the heavy curtains of the sitting room, dimly eliminating the leather bound books and worn furniture.

Sleeping on his old sofa was Alex, arm over the edge and a distressed expression on her face.

She had been waiting up for him. For some reason this annoyed Severus; although, he was rather relieved that she was asleep, but he knew he would have to face her sooner or later. He preferred the latter.

Squeaky floorboard, Damn it, he thought.

"Severus," said a soft voice behind him. He cringed at the sound of his own name.

Professor Snape turned around to look at me. I was almost relieved to see his irritated expression compared to what I saw last night.

"Go to bed," he said indignantly.

"But its morning," I told him nervously. His black eyes slide to the ancient grandfather clock against the wall; it was 5:00 am making his order to me invalid.

"Severus," I said softly. "You can talk to me, I understand."

"You understand nothing," he said fiercely as he turned to leave.

"Oh, don't I?" I said suddenly irritated.

Severus stopped in his tracks.

"My parents and sister were murdered!" I exclaimed angrily. "And if that wasn't enough I had to leave and everyone else I care about thinks I am dead as well! So if you think that I do not understand loss, you are very much mistaken."

"At least it was not your fault," said a weak voice. It took me a moment to realize that it was Severus who had spoken.

"What?" I said in alarm.

I could not see his face, but I knew he regretted speaking.

"Did you-" I began, but Severus cut me off.

"Don't you dare question it," he ordered in that same broken tone. "Please."

I was stunned to hear him using his manners for once.

"It is my fault my family died," I said in some way trying to be a comfort to him, "It was my power The Dark Lord wanted (wants) and my fault he sent deatheaters after us."

Severus said nothing. I walked over to him and gently touched his arm.

"I love you, Severus." I whispered, "and I am glad I still have you."

He did not turn around so I began to walk away.

"Alex," said Severus.

I turned around. Professor Snape was facing me and his black eyes searched my expression as if looking for falsehood.

"Yes, Severus."

"It was not your fault, your family died," he said surprisingly softly.

"Thank you," I said. I wasn't sure I believed him, but I was touched never the less.

Severus watched the girl as she made her way up the stairs. He did not know exactly how he felt about her, but he hated feeling confused so he decided that he probably just hated her as well.

And Severus found it annoying that the girl blamed herself for her family's murder. He did not know why it irritated him so much but it did. It was not her fault; if anything it was his.